Fractured Hesitation
by Dia de Luz
Summary: The first thing I said to him was disparaging. I followed him even though everything about me screamed dubious and scornful. I thought he was an idiot. Time went by- I still thought he was an idiot. That never changed. Everything else did. Ichigo/OC
1. Just a Glance

**A/N:** Rewriting and Editing. So, basically under construction, major- I'm not sure. I look back and realize I could have introduced everything and written it a bit better. But I still love you guys all the same.

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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**Soul Society.**

_A place said to be Heaven or Nirvana._

_Paradise. Sublime._

_But that's just an image._

_The real Soul Society- _

_Well, that's the ticket. Let's start there._

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**Rewind: **Sometime in the last century.

Tired feet trudged their way through thick mud, the sludge and muck restricting their movements to erratic jerks of the leg, stomping from frustration. Harsh, raw rain beat down on four solid figures, shrouded with the shadows of the befalling thunderstorm.

Caked with mud, one of the shadowed figures stopped, lifting his head to the sky.

Sick and tired of this ridiculous extraction mission. It was stupid and pointless, and really he just wanted to make it back to Seireitei in one piece, but that was proving to be quite difficult with the turmoil in the abandoned area.

His red hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, and he bore the traditional shingami garb. Black robe, sash around the waist, white socks and thin sandals. He carried a sword on his waist, just like his companions, just as the whole of his society did. His hands balled into fists, straining. Tired, hungry, exhaustion was creeping near the four Shingami.

"Renji."

The man shifted his gaze to a shorter figure, staring him down with unwavering, violet eyes.

"Rukia…"

She gazed at him, suddenly tired. There they stood, childhood friends, in the midst of rough skirmishes and harsh rains, with their two other companions treading on. It was a hell of a mission- the Shinigami were in hostile territory of Soul Society. Hollows, bandits- did it really matter who the enemy was? Everyone the group ran into was seemingly problematic.

Noticing their sudden absence, the second in line- also the second in command- turned around, barking, "OI! What the hell do you runts think you're doing? Keep up, or you'll be left behind! You-!"

_"You make it seem like we'll leave them behind, Matsuyo."_

The tone was light and prudent, but also clipped. Tolerant, but not a pushover. This was the voice of someone who had experience, yet wasn't the best. Someone who knew just enough to get by, and then some, and wasn't someone to be taken lightly._  
_

And the woman, Matsuyo, knew this. Stiffening, she reluctantly turned to her superior, who was just a silhouette in this rain. "B-But Nagasaki Fukutaicho, we've got to keep moving!"

This 'Nagasaki Fukutaicho' cut her charcoal eyes to her halted subordinates, frowning. With a sharp pull to her brows, she abandoned their four line formation, marching through the thick muck, back to her two juniors who stood stiff, ready to be chewed out by their superior. Renji and Rukia hadn't been acquainted with Nagasaki for long, but they had heard hushed whispers and rumors regarding her regulations.

The now scowling Fukutaicho halted in front of the two Shinigami, silent. Her long, sandy hair was pulled back in a sloppy braid, and her lips thinned upon first glance. She also wore the traditional black robe, but her sleeves were rolled and hooked to stay in place with two thin straps. There was some sort of platinum plate covering her chest cavity, rising to her throat and wrapping around- only to be spotted if you looked real close under her robes. It shimmered dully in the fierce flashes of the thunderstorm. Nagasaki was overall lean and almost frail looking.

One would have been a fool to assume that Nagasaki would be something so delicate such as frail china.

Her inky eyes cut from one to the other, analyzing.

She could have sliced paper with her sharp gaze, unmoving and unblinking.

Scrutinizing.

"Look, I know this blows on more than one level of the 'suck-o-meter.'"

And just like that, she wasn't some untouchable officer, stoic and inhuman. She was a person with feelings. A crude and unpolished officer with a maelstrom of emotions and feelings, at that.

Sighing almost irritably, Nagasaki watched the one called Renji blink, and the woman called Rukia just frown.

_Ah, suspicious._

It _almost_ made her lips quirk with mirth, but she stifled the small smile that threatened to shatter her grave demeanor.

"Our disposition sucks, what we do sucks. But we do it anyways."

_To hell with demeanor._

Renji glanced quickly at Rukia, who held Nagasaki's gaze, dead set.

"I know you're tuckered out, I know you're probably starving, and I know you want to go back to Seireitei, but that doesn't look like it's happening, well… anytime soon." Nagasaki stopped, gauging their expressions with an indecipherable glint in her eye before sighing, lifting her hand to rub the back of her drenched hair, "We've got orders," she rolled her eyes, "and we're going to follow them, no matter how stupid and pointless and utterly insane they may be. Then when we're done, we'll go bitch to the nearest Captain and demand free five course meals and a five star bed and warm bath."

Silence. Well, aside from the pouring rain that had taken to drenching the ground and the Shinigami- to Nagasaki's extreme chagrin.

Upon her short finish, Matsuyo rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, unable to stop the ever so slight quirk of her full lips.

_Nagasaki, what a charmer._

Said girl crossed her arms impatiently in front of the two Shinigami, "So, do we have a deal, ya Newbies?"

Rukia blinked, taken aback. It took her a few moments to piece a thought together, and even then it hadn't been very productive. This was a Fukutaicho, nonetheless, an officer?

It was still quiet.

Out of nowhere did Renji smirk, cutting the tense atmosphere with a dry bark of laughter, "I'll hold you to that, Nagasaki."

At this Nagasaki only offered a thin-lipped smiled, "Good."

And she turned with an abrupt pivot, back to the front, back on with their march.

With another snort of laughter, Renji turned to Rukia, who was staring at Nagasaki's back with a peculiar gaze.

"She knows how to give a good speech."

Blinking, Rukia glanced up at Renji, feeling a slow smile creep onto her small face. Acknowledging Nagasaki's words, "She has an uncanny way of going about it."

Renji only proffered a nonchalant shrug at this, picking his feet up from the mud. No way would someone like Nagasaki suddenly swoop out of nowhere, give some crude speech that somehow aligned with his thoughts perfectly, and then walk off to suddenly make herself look like some cool player.

She wouldn't beat him, even though she was probably decades older.

And Rukia was right behind him, thoughts directed towards the same girl, but with less of an edge. Just that small, barely-there smile curling her lips as her mind started to tick.

_Hazumi Nagasaki, eh?_


	2. Enter: Nagasaki Hazumi

**A/N:** It'll take some time, but I'm editing everything, rewriting some things, and blah blah blah. Because when I look back on it, some things are in here that I just don't like. So, I'm going over it all. Have fun with this.

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo  
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_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Dos:**_

_"__Enter, Nagasaki Hazumi"_

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Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet

**- Vietnamese Proverb**

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"You know, Hazumi, I was just promoted to Corps Commander of the Detention Unit. And what have you been doing? Ah… scrubbing squad eleven's barracks?"

Ahh, there it was.

My brother, nagging all day during work, nagging during our daily happy hour, and you know what, I bet he nagged during sex, too. No wonder he had spent so many nights drinking with me lately; the ladies finally realized that sex with Hosyu Nagasaki meant fucking the walking, talking, bitching machine. I remembered I had gotten so fed up with him one night; I tried to set him up with any woman in the bar.

But he refused them all.

("Oh, her breasts are too perky.")

_What man says that?_

("She's too plump; God she's a midget! What, you want me to fuck a barstool? Oh man Hazumi, she looks like her nether-regions would just be a black hole. You don't want my favorite appendage gone, so I get to sit here and bother you every night?")

That last one had me ceasing my attempts to set him up. I mean, my brother was good looking enough to be picky, but he didn't have to be a prick about it. I snapped my head up from the tiled floor I was practically digging at, "I lost a bet, dickweed. What do you expect me to do?"

He only rolled his green eyes, "Well you don't have to give me a 'tude, Miss Crapshooter."

I swore, scrubbing at a particularly nasty stain that just wouldn't give. Squad eleven was a bunch of slobs.

"And so eloquent, where have your manners gone?"

I grinned ear to ear, and I could hear his smirk.

In unison we mock sighed, "What manners brother/sister?"

I laughed, and he chuckled, leaning against the concrete wall. My brother was a tall six foot one with big, green eyes that had the women head over heels.

_Suckers. _

His shaggy brown hair fell over his eyes, giving them this intense, piercing look, or so I had heard from Matsumoto. He was lean, as was I, but that was as far as our physical similarities reached. He wasn't in the Gotei Thirteen, but instead in the_ Onmitsukidō. _Just promoted to Corps Commander of the Detention Unit, I guess.

Not exactly as big as becoming a Captain of one of the Gotei Thirteen squads, but still, it was an accomplishment. Enough of an accomplishment for us to lose ourselves in alcohol later, not that we needed a reason.

"Who'd you bet?"

_Damn._

I grunted, "Ikkaku."

He barked out a laugh.

I just rolled my charcoal eyes, anticipating his next question. "I couldn't hold my liquor longer than him, alright?"

He guffawed, and he stood like that, shaking with laughter until little tears were forming in his eyes. Really, Hosyu could really overdo things from time to time.

Sometimes it pissed me off.

I sighed, irate. Then I stood, shoving the dirty sponge in his stomach, muttering, "I'm done with this crap."

Walking out, I looked out the window to see it was about sundown. With a fleeting content second, I realized I had just enough time to get my shit together and then drink until I couldn't stand, then drink some more. I heard the _pitter patter _of sandals on pavement, and then Hosyu caught up with me, "That was all in good humor."

I gave a faint smile, but it didn't quite reach my eyes as I glanced over at my taller brother.

"You need to go?"

We were outside now, and I looked to the left, towards my residence. He was starting right, to the bar.

Sighing heavily, "I'll be there later."

My brother only offered an absent nod, waving me off as he moved towards our local bar. I knew when I got there after dark, he would already be hammered. But like the good brother he was, Hosyu didn't say anything about my going back to my office first. When it came to work, Hosyu was in all seriousness, a hard worker. Even though he was slack off the job, he put his whole heart into what he did.

I, on the other hand, needed some serious motivation. I skulked back to my barracks, which were on the outskirts of Seireitei. I, too, was not in the Gotei Thirteen. I was the _Fuku Kidōchō_ of the _Kidōshū_, second in command. My captain, a stern, old geezer by the name of Hilo Boggnamo, was, though by the book, mostly compliant. Whenever it called to work with the Gotei Thirteen, which was rare, he worked well with Yamamoto Soutaicho.

We didn't get tangled in the Shinigami affairs too often, though. I spent most of my days doing paperwork, helping recruits with Kido spells, and sometimes at the academy. True, the _Kidōshū_ worked mostly in secret, but I visited the innards of Seireitei frequently. On a day-to-day basis, in fact. If anything, I was the most tangled when it came to the Shinigami of Seireitei.

Shrugging my shoulders, I puffed my cheeks like a fish and exhaled loudly. I found my feet suddenly stopping as I approached my favorite piece in Seireitei. Shifting my gaze over to the big, stone fountain that lay outside my barracks, I took in the plain piece. True, it was grey and bland, but if you looked close enough, you could see little pieces of emerald shining through the cracks.

It was like saying 'Hey you look behind the ugly.'

I cracked a wry smile, watching the clear water run its path into the pool underneath.

_What if there is no beauty underneath? _

I shook my head as that thought suddenly infiltrated my mind with uncharacteristic ambiguity, picking up my walk, stretching my legs as I did so. Yep, life was pretty damn ambiguous, but I didn't dwell on the unknown.

Still, every time I passed that fountain (which was everyday thanks to my route), I found my thoughts wandering, and a little spark of hope always bubbled up inside me, and that hope had me believing, _'Maybe, just maybe, there's good out there.'_

And then I would run into a person, and that hope would diminish like a bucket of water was dumped on it.

Because people sucked.

And the world was full of them.

**-X-**

"Nagasaki-san, here are the documents you requested directly from archives without a single speck of dust."

Nodding at the faceless shinigami, I dismissed them with a nod of my head, not even glancing in their direction.

"Thank you."

I heard them scuttle out; a new recruit, no doubt. They always avoided my office whenever possible, but it didn't really bother me. I knew I was a hardass. I was aware of the fact that I had a repelling personality. I quite liked it that way, actually.

I sighed and pressed my chin on the palm of my hand, staring out the window in my office. Today was a beautiful day, but somehow the weather didn't satisfy me. Usually I loved these bright, warm days, where I could go out on some grassy hill overlooking Seireitei and just relax. The comfort of daylight was always welcomed. I didn't like the dark. Something could be in it, just watching, waiting. Gave me the chills just thinking about it. But the daylight seemed misplaced today. I didn't know the cause of this gloom that had so suddenly taken hold of me, but I didn't feel the strength to get over it.

Maybe it was because in these records delivered just moments ago were the recordings and documentations of my missing brother, Reizo. They were of his life, his honors, his accomplishments, all after he had joined the academy, graduating early. But before, when we siblings had lived in the slums of the Seventy-ninth district of Rukongai, Kusajishi, we had nothing to honor but our pride. I was the runt of the litter, always watching my brother's backs, in the literal sense.

I was the little kid who slowed the group down, the good-for-nothing _girl _who tried so hard not to be a nuisance. But those days were long over, and I shook my head with a little more force than necessary. I hated nostalgia. There was nothing good about our childhoods. Only that we had each other.

I took the top off the cardboard box, tossing it carelessly to the side. I had cleared my paperwork for the next two days, and when I handed it to Boggnamo-dono two days early, he gave me a knowing look. An ounce of pity had leaked through his authoritarian gaze, too.

If there was anything I hated more than nostalgia, it was pity.

Pity brought on nostalgia.

I was a grown woman; I could take care of myself. The emotional pot holes in my life were mine to stumble into, and everybody had them. It wasn't like anyone should pity me anyways; I was in the Kido Corps and I had a damn swell position, for God's sakes. I was still close to my one brother and I was in good health. I had a roof over my head, and I had warm food each night. And alcohol.

I counted my blessings each and everyday.

I looked into the first file, my lips slipping downwards as I looked at the picture of my brother. Both my brothers were handsome, but Reizo had dark eyes and dark hair. If we stood beside one another, I guess we could pass as siblings.

I made my way down the page, my frown deepening. My brother had gone missing around a hundred years ago. And there I was, still sniffing around, trying to get just one _fucking_ thing on it. The investigation, if you could even call it that, had only lasted about a month, and that's being generous to the _Onmitsukidō_. There had been virtually no trace of my brother.

Over the past few decades, I had been to his last documented post countless times, and finally, I had found a miniscule trace of reiatsu. However, it was an unknown trace. Meaning, I didn't know who the hell it belonged to. So, there went that. But, that trace had been imprinted into my system, so if I ever ran into that same reiatsu, I'd be damned if I missed it.

Suddenly, a movement caught my eye, and I flicked my onyx orbs up to meet emerald. My visitor leaned against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest, a cross look darkening his features. I held his gaze, not saying a word.

I knew that look.

"You'll never give it a rest." Hosyu had taken a strong dislike to me pouring over Reizo's case, which had ended the month he was lost. Hosyu thought it was a lost cause, which either Reizo was dead or he deserted us. But I wouldn't believe that. Reizo hadn't abandoned us when we lived in those crummy slums as children; he hadn't abandoned us when he was offered a spot in the academy, instead bringing us along, striking a deal.

I looked back down to the papers, expression neutral. I wouldn't show any signs of weakness in front of my brother. It was virtually taboo in my book. I had been weak enough for all three of us back in the day- my weak days were over.

"You exhaust yourself over this stupid thing. He's gone. And he's not coming back."

I just stared down at my older brother's picture, studied how his eyes crinkled with happiness and mouth open in a laugh. I knew this picture so well. It was of the three of us at some festival in Rukongai, after he had graduated. By then, Hosyu was almost done, and I was just starting. A friend of ours had taken the picture of us three, Hosyu on the right, tugging on Reizo's ear, and I was on the far left, smiling for all I was worth. The good old days. They had cut Reizo out, putting this single picture of him in the records. But they couldn't cut my memories. I had the same picture in my room, on windowsill.

It was quiet, save for Hosyu shuffling around, probably drilling a hole in my head with his disapproving gaze.

I spoke quietly, "You don't give up on family, Hosyu."

And I looked up, staring him down. He didn't like when I did that. He once said he thought I would burn right through him. He sighed, turning his head, retreating.

"I didn't come here to nag you," I almost snorted in disbelief, "I came to inform you that Rukia's back."

I cracked a smile, "Great! So, why haven't we gathered an assortment…"

That look on Hosyu's face had me quiet again.

Something wasn't right. His eyes weren't glittering like they should have been, his shoulders were slumped, and his mouth was a deep frown.

"Hosyu…?" My voice was small.

"Hazumi she's… being executed."

**-X-**

It had been a few weeks since I had last seen Rukia Kuchiki, but her transformation looked like it had been years. There was nothing in her violet eyes. She sat, the most dejected I had seen her.

The fight had left her; the life had left her.

She was just a shell of someone I used to know, looking at it. I sat on the ground in front of her, legs crossed and staring straight into her eyes, which seemed liked she was looking right through me.

"Rukia…" She wouldn't respond. It just broke my heart, looking at her like that.

_Get a hold of yourself, Hazumi. She's the one that's going to die._

My soot-like eyes hardened into black coals, and I stiffened.

That's right; I had once been a leader for Rukia, when she had graduated. Though that was forty years ago, I still had to be that same person. I mean, where would she be without my guidance?

Pfft, I was virtually God to those students.

_That may be a little much_…

"Oi! Listen to me, Kuchiki."

Nothing.

Gritting my teeth, I stood, leaking a bit of my _reiatsu_ into the air. The guards immediately turned their heads, curious and wary, but I ignored them. However, Rukia's eyes followed me. I had her attention.

"You should see yourself. You look like that kid I had commanded all those years ago. What happened to the Kuchiki with a backbone, huh? Because I'm definitely not seeing her!"

If it were possible, her violet eyes only got even more melancholy.

I sucked in a breath, and Rukia finally spoke. "This is my punishment. I am accepting it, and I'm ready to face it. Is that not what you taught us?"

I paused.

She was right. She knew it. But she was twisting my lessons, and she knew it.

My eyes turned acidic, and I balled my fists, nails digging into my palms. "I taught you to stand for your actions, you're right. But I never, and I'm disgusted you even accuse me of it, taught you to stand for this bullshit," I spat.

For a second, she looked startled.

I continued, "This isn't what you deserve, and it's not what you should receive. And I'm nauseated just thinking of it. This offends my morals up and beyond. You saved a kid, you saved his family. It's repulsive, watching Central 46 mull this over so long, like it's even morally wrong. But what even more repulsive, Kuchiki-san, is your _goddamn _compliance."

She looked down, wringing her delicate hands in her lap. I stood there, almost to the point of shaking from anger. Here sat my a pretty good friend of mine, giving her life away. And for what?

Fuck capital punishments.

No longer having the patience, I turned swiftly and strode to the door, but I stopped at the exit of the cell. The guard had opened it, and now he was giving me this weird look, like I was crazy. I narrowed my eyes dangerously, irked.

"Rukia, may you find peace in your actions."

And I left, not giving her a chance to respond, not giving her a chance to look at me with those big violet eyes. And I didn't see her watch me walk out, her eyes even heavier than before.

_Thank you, Nagasaki._

**-X-**_  
_

There had been only one place I could think of going after confronting Rukia, and that had been the pub. So there I was, on my third drink, elbows on the bar, shoulders slumped. One of my most cherished friends was going to die soon.

Things just couldn't suck more.

I downed the rest of my drink, signaling for another round. The bartender, a man by the name of Chu, rolled his eyes at me, "You're gonna get liver disease one day, Hazumi."

I snorted, "That'll be the day, Chu."

And I gulped down the drink.

He cracked a grin, "But you give me so much business. It'll be a shame."

I smiled back, "Now I'm just the poster child of alcoholism, huh."

He picked up a glass and started drying it. Chu and I had known each other for years, me with my inability to cope with certain things, why not go to the pub? He had been the bartender for God knows how long, and we were bound to talk one day. He was a muscular guy, with a black Mohawk and a tough demeanor. Good thing, because he was also the bouncer for when things got rowdy. It was a small pub on the end of the road, closer to my barracks.

Days like these I didn't even want Hosyu to see me, so I came here, instead of the one further down. I would be a mess by the time I was through.

Chu was never one to pry, but I kept catching him stealing glances at me for the remainder of the night, worry lighting up those blue eyes. When the pub quieted down for the night, he came over to me, speaking slowly, "I'm cutting you off, Hazumi."

I blinked, once, twice. "A-alright, Chu."

I could hold my liquor fairly well, but even I had my days.

"Do I need to get Hosyu down here?"

I blinked again, looking around. "Nah, I'm… oka-yy."

He looked wary, "Okay Hazumi."

I yawned, spinning on my barstool, hopping off and stumbling. I caught myself on the door and skulked into the night. I made it about five steps when I heard a shuffling to my right, and I cast the quickest look I could, which wasn't very fast considering all the alcohol I had consumed. Then, a flare of reiatsu.

In my numbed, groggy state, it took me a few moments to recognize it. But once I did, I wished I hadn't had all those drinks. Because it was that same reiatsu at my brother's disappearance. It flared again, and I could feel it. It was numbing me; God it was strong. I fell to my knees, gasping. It was getting closer, and my vision was getting blotchier. I sucked in a breath, attempting to look up.

There was a shadow over me, looming, creeping. I made a noise, swatting at it. My knees gave way, and I collapsed on the concrete, head bouncing. The shadow was real close. It swiped.

Everything went dark.

**-X-**

I groaned, holding my hand to my head. A headache was pounding in my ears and my stomach felt so gross.

Utterly disgusting.

"Finally, Sleeping Beauty awakens!"

I moaned, "Shut the hell up."

I heard a laugh, which was ten times louder than it actually was, and I pulled the covers over my eyes.

Shuffling, then, "Here, take this."

I held my hand out, knowing the routine. I swallowed the pill, downing it with water. The thing about those little suckers, I never regurgitated them. They were like magic. After about ten minutes of wishing I were dead, I could open my eyes, and I did, just to see Hosyu sitting against the wall.

"You're real bright, you know that?"

I blinked, opening my mouth to retort, but he cut me off. "There I am, walking down the road, back to work because I forgot something, and there you are, fucking passed out in the street. I mean, really Hazumi?"

_Damn. _

"Something awful could have happened to you, you're damn lucky I passed through before some creep did."

Well, no argument there.

I sighed, "I'm sorry, I just…"

There was a shadow.

_Oh shit._

I didn't pass out. I was _knocked _out. I opened my mouth to tell Hosyu this, but I hesitated, shutting it. He didn't really need to know. Besides, he didn't even know about that reiatsu I had uncovered. But would I go back later.

"You're an idiot." I rolled my eyes, agreeing wholeheartedly, just to make my big brother feel better.

**-X-**

"Nagasaki-san, Boggnamo-dono would like to see you."

I raised my head, seeing a timid looking kid with a mess of brown hair blinking down at me, and I nodded, "Thanks."

She bowed, her hands fluttering, and she scurried out, stumbling.

Unfazed, I stood and made my way down the hallways and ending up at my Captain's door. I knocked, and upon hearing an echoed 'enter', I slid the door open, facing Hilo Boggnamo. He had his hands folded under his chin, brown eyes cast on mine.

"Come in, Nagasaki."

I stepped in, sliding the door shut and walking closer, bowing.

"I see you've finally acquired some manners."

I coughed, looking to the right. "Well, you know me, _Jii-san_."

He looked down to my arm.

"You're not wearing your Fukutaicho's band."

Like the Gotei Thirteen, I also hand a symbol for my status. I only glanced down to my arm, where the black sleeve was rolled up, strapped across. I never wore my band. It lay on my desk as we spoke. I didn't deserve that band. If I was Fukutaicho material, I would have long found my brother, Reizo.

Boggnamo smiled softly, "I've called you here to make a request."

I blinked, looking at him. Hilo Boggnamo was an old geezer, with a beard as fluffy as Saint Nicholas's. He had a cane, and his beady brown eyes stared me down. Weird. A request. Usually he just demanded.

I stood straight, "Yes sir?"

He sighed, "Yamamoto Soutaicho has requested assistance of the Kido Corps. The execution of Kuchiki, Rukia is drawing near, and he has decided to go with the Soukyoku."

I took a sharp breath.

_Too much._

He drawled on, "I am requesting that you be there, to prevent uprisings."

_Too goddamn much._

I blinked, "Uprisings?"

He cleared his throat, "It is rumored… that Ryoka have entered The Soul Society."

Ryoka? I hadn't heard that term in quite awhile.

"So… Yamamoto requested assistance, and you're sending just me?"

I had to smile.

His brown eyes glinted, "It is, after all, just a rumor."

I would have to attend Rukia's execution. How dreadful. But, as a request, _Jii-san _had asked me.

"…Okay, Boggnamo. I'm not exactly sure if this is a good idea, but I'll do if it you really want me to."

His nodded, smiled, and dismissed me. That's all it took to make me turn, sliding the door open.

"Nagasaki."

I stopped, not turning my head.

"Do what you think is right."


	3. And It Begins

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

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**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Tres:**_

_"And It Begins."_

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_The beginning is the most important part of the work

**- Plato**

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"_Nii-san! Nii-san!" _

_Only a child, there in Kusajishi. Her choppy, blond hair danced around her shoulders as she ran with small hops to her little steps, her big, obsidian eyes wide and innocent. She had been sheltered by her brothers all her life, everywhere she went. _

_But not this time. _

_As she rounded the corner, running towards where she thought her precious 'Nii-san' was, a sudden hand caught her collar with an unfriendly force, abruptly halting the small girl. _

_It lifted her up with a sneer, "Well, well, what do we have here, boys?" _

_Cheap snickers. _

_The girl scrunched her eyes, squirming in the strong hand's grasp. Not exactly understanding the situation at hand, but more or less got the gist that her predicament was simply problematic.  
_

_"Looks like we got a little runt. What should we do wit' it?" _

_The girl, Hazumi Nagasaki, opened her scrunched eyes, blowing a sudden raspberry in the nearest thug's face._

_Its response was borderline rage, irritation lacing his shadowed face.__ "Damn brat!" _

_And she was flung, soaring through the air and landing in a pile of rubbish. Hazumi wiped her face, which was scuffed with mud from her rough encounter with the hard dirt. Her wide eyes lifted in a flash, catching sight of four older boys, all with scary grins on their blurred faces. _

_One stepped towards her, "Well boys, let's teach the girl a lesson."_

_

* * *

_

"Emergency Alert! Emergency Alert! Intruders in Seireitei! All squads please take defense positions!"

What an unexpected turn of events. I mean, this was just ludicrous. Who the hell was stupid enough to even think of invading Seireitei? Standing there in the Ichibantai meeting hall where the Captains of the Gotei Thirteen stood, save for Jushiro Ukitake due to illness, was only a partial reason for my annoyance. I didn't exactly fit in with the _professional_ crowd.

The reason for my presence?

Well, that talk I had with Boggnamo… I had underestimated the position he had wanted me to fill. I was representing the whole of the Kido Corps, instead of just my Captain, Hilo Boggnamo. I didn't realize it until I had spoken with Yamamoto Soutaicho himself, and luckily I hadn't embarrassed myself. It was a surprise, to say in the least. Why the hell hadn't Boggnamo just gotten off his lazy rear and represented _his_ branch of Soul Society's military like a good_ Kidōshū Sōshi _was supposed to?

Irritation with my superior officer was quite a frequent emotion for me.

So there I stood, amongst bickering captains, all wearing their fancy robes. And then there was me, in the normal Shinigami attire, purple plate coming around my neck, my sleeves pulled up with two little straps, two little bracelets on my left wrist, my Lt. Band on my bicep- to my chagrin.

My charcoal eyes flicked around, gaze guarded. Because when I had first stepped into the hall, _that _reiatsu had hit me. And then it dissipated, alert. But I knew it anywhere. However, when I looked around, I doubted. Of course it was all Captains here.

…Of course a Captain would not make my brother disappear. So I held my tongue, dejected.

_Another dead end, Hazumi. _

Then, Aizen spoke, alarmed. "Intruders?"

Seemed like it.

"Those Ryoka?" Kenpachi sounded excited.

I rolled my eyes. All the while, the alarm still sounded. Then, Kenpachi bolted, making for the exit. He passed me in a blur, swishing my hair- adding to my perpetually constant annoyance.

"Oi! Wait, Kenpachi!" But Aizen's efforts were futile, and Kenpachi had long gone. Yamamoto groaned at his departure (something which I didn't really imagine him doing) and spoke, "'Tis unavoidable. The squad leader meeting is temporarily dismissed. I will notify you later of Ichimaru's status."

At this, I cast a quick glance at Ichimaru Gin, who still had that creepy smile on his face.

_Fucking psycho._

That man had always creeped me out._  
_

"All squads proceed to internal defense positions immediately."

Everyone stirred, but I stayed rooted to the spot, making them move around me. A few glanced in my direction, Aizen holding my gaze a bit longer. He gave me a pleasant smile, which I returned with a warm curve to my lips, and then he stepped by me.

Aizen had known me for quite some time. It was a pleasant relationship. He was a former superior officer of mine, but then I was transferred countless times. I was old- I had climbed the ladder to find my ranks in several divisions, but I hadn't quite found home until the Kido Corps. There was just something about it that screamed _home._

Something I really appreciated._  
_

I caught a figure in my peripheral vision that caused me to turn my head, seeing Soifon stopped beside me, "The Kido Corps needn't be here; the Gotei Thirteen can handle this."

The short Captain was tense, her grey eyes narrowed in barely-contained irritation.

I was sensing a reoccurring theme here.

Suppressing the urge to roll my eyes, I offered a taut acknowledgement, "I'm following orders, Soifon-san. Please don't make this more difficult than it already is."

The stoic Captain only gave me a hard stare before rolling her eyes and marching off. I just let it go, seeing as I still had business to attend to. It was difficult seeing as this headache was starting to pound my skull, but somehow I managed to stay put without throwing a Kido spell her way just for spite. I turned my head slowly to watch the Captains filter out, seeing Byakuya Kuchiki boring a hole into my head with his gaze. Once I thought about it, I realized it was a little unnerving the way such an aristocratic man just emanated power.

Then he turned, effectively cutting off whatever that was.

I couldn't contain my exasperation that time as I rolled my eyes.

So yeah, maybe I did get a lot of stares during and after the meeting. After all, Kido Corps didn't really mingle with Gotei Thirteen affairs. But it was a request, and Old man Boggnamo and Yamamoto seemed to go way back. I would just follow Boggnamo's lead for the time being.

"Vice Kido Chief Nagasaki Hazumi."

Not even after the words finished leaving his lips did I lift my gaze to the old man, attentive. His brown eyes were glued on me, and I stepped forward, the most tentative I had been in years.

"I thank you for your compliance, and your assistance. Maybe it was wise, after all, to call upon the _Kidōshū_."

_Yeah right, Old man. _

"You will be patrolling alone; I'm assuming you can handle it with your abilities."

Alone? Well, better than being stuck with a bunch idiots.

"Yes sir, I'm capable."

I probably wouldn't even run into the Ryoka anyways…

"Then you know what to do, Nagasaki-san."

I suppressed a yawn, "Yes sir. Thank you for your confidence."

And then I was dismissed, and I was more than happy to get away from Yamamoto. His superiority was tangible and I had a hard time standing still in front of him, alone. By just standing before him, I could tell he _was _a remarkable Shinigami.

Too formidable for me.

**-X-**

_God this sucks worse than that time Matsumoto tried to set me up with Kira._

I yawned, pressing a hand over my mouth, muffling the intake of breath. I had been walking around for at least two hours now. And by all the commotion, I guessed the Ryoka had gotten farther than we had anticipated. Truth be told, I really didn't want to be there.

I wanted to be in my barracks, sleeping. Or doing paperwork. Or looking for my brother. But nah, I had to fulfill a duty I hadn't even known I was committing to. I thought I was attending an execution, not hunting some goddamn intruders.

It wasn't even my job. I was no longer affiliated with the Gotei Thirteen in any sense. Well, I had friends and acquaintances in it, but Yamamoto was not my commanding officer, and I did not take orders from him.

But Boggnamo had authority over me.

Hanging my head, I sighed heavily, surrendering to the fact that I no longer had a say in this.

The Ryoka had gone in different directions after coming through the barrier, in some kind of explosion or something. It was my job to find and detain them. I was really hoping I wouldn't run into anybody. It wasn't that I doubted my abilities, but more so that I had other things to do, and detainment duty was not something I particularly looked forward to.

"Group three, North corner!" A group of Shinigami suddenly flew right by me, but one halted, scrutinizing me.

He was a short kid, only coming up to my chest.

"Ano… you don't look familiar."

I blinked down at the short Shinigami and found myself resisting pinching his cheeks. His bright blue eyes blinked up at me, his black, messy hair falling in his face. It looked like there a forever present blush painting his cheeks, too.

"Ahh… there're a lot of people in Seireitei, kid."

He blinked again, "But why are you in this sector?"

I suppressed a sigh. So I wasn't informed of all this technical shit. Sue me.

"Dunno, my feet lead me here."

Then, the kid had a straight one-eighty, his eyes hardening, his voice darker, "How do I know you're not a Ryoka?"

I could only muster enough sense to shoot him a look, clearly taken aback. Blinking a few times, I gazed at him with wide eyes as I reached into my sash, pulling out my Fukutaicho's insignia and stating my name in a slow manner. "Nagasaki, Hazumi."

His blue eyes widened upon inspection, and he shrunk back, "Oh."

I blinked again.

And then he vanished.

_Ahh, just accept it_…

**-X-**

"Ken-chan, this way! No, that way!"

I heard a very audible sigh, then, "Make up your mind!"

_Oh God._

It was all a big blur of dust, wind, and comical shouts and pitched laughter. Next thing I know I'm on my back, eyes whirling and world spinning. That nearly soprano voice was echoing through my ears, "Ken-chan, I think you ran somebody over!"

I heard an unconcerned scoff, "They were in my way."

And then the dust cleared, and lo, there was Zaraki Kenpachi, and was that… a kid on his shoulder…?

She had big, pink eyes and lighter pink hair, and with a closer look, I could see she had a Lt. Insignia on her arm. Well, Yachiru. I didn't realize upon first glance, but that was most likely because of my discombobulation of being a bystander in a virtually very harmful stampede.

"Look look! A Ryoka!"

I blinked, looking around, seeing not a soul.

It took a second for my thoughts to click. Was that little shrimp talking about me…?

"Erm…"

Kenpachi loomed over me with a rather unnerving glint in his eye; I could see his sharp teeth in that malicious grin of his. It had the blood draining from my face in seconds and my eyes expanding rather quickly.

"Ahhh…"

Kenpachi looked real close to drawing his sword very sharp sword.

"I'm no Ryoka…?" My voice was small as I stared at his ominous sword that had taken to staying shoved in my face. Its sharp edge was just inches from my nose. Just great. Real great.

The ominous Captain frowned slightly.

I just sighed, somehow made my way to my feet without his sword impaling me and tossed him my insignia, which he caught in a flash. He inspected it with an aloof eye.

"Nagasaki Hazumi."

I rubbed my head, nodding.

"Huh. Out of my way."

I snorted derisively, but I stepped to the side and let him pass. Hey, if he wasn't going to chop me into little sushi pieces, I'd let him go wherever he pleased. He ran down the alley, and I heard a shrill yell, "Bye-bye Zumi-chan!"

_Great._

**-X-**_  
_

I was walking with my arms behind my head, whistling, when I heard the commotion.

It was the roar the roar of a large mob, and an even louder crash. I suddenly stopped, my foot frozen in mid-stride as I craned my neck to check out where this uproar was. I saw nothing.

_Huh._

Then, "GET OFF ME, YOU BASTARDS!"

A silent pause.

Then, "So I can run away!"

I heard shouts of a lot of men, and it sounded awfully close this time.

_Please don't be coming this way. _

_Please don't be coming this way. _

_God please don't come this way._

I didn't want to deal with this now. But the stampede was approaching, and before I knew it, a guy with a mop of disheveled orange hair was running right towards me, flailing his arms!

"How damn many of them are there?"

And he wasn't stopping. Well God… that was obvious. I blinked, standing still as he passed me. My hair swished as he went by and for a second, charcoal met tawny.

Just for that one fleeting moment, our eyes connected.

Then he was gone, flying down the alley.

The Shinigami in pursuit stopped at me, panting, "Why didn't you stop him?"

I blinked, "'Scuse me?"

They were in outrage, breathing heavily from their useless running. I just gave them a sheepish smile, turning around and walking off, starting up my whistling again.

**-X-**

The next time I ran into a pair of Ryoka, I wasn't so lucky. I had been whistling my favorite tune, something Hosyu had come up with, when I felt something whiz straight by my head.

Stiffening, I froze mid-stride yet again, turning my head a fraction to see a strand of my blonde hair resting on my shoulder. I blinked, turning around, seeing a boy and a girl, both Ryoka. From the stance the boy was in, and from the bow, I could tell he was the one that had shot at me. The girl was standing slightly behind him.

He spoke, demanding, "Shinigami, where is the Shrine of Penitence."

Shrine of Penitence…?

Well, that was quite something. Quite interesting, actually.

_What would they want with Rukia, I wonder?_

And during this little thought, the boy fired again. I scoffed, dodging with little effort. The boy's aim kind of sucked. I ended up on a roof nearby, and I analyzed them with the moments I had. He was in some white outfit with blue lining, looked kind of stupid in my opinion. He had dark blue hair and darker eyes. The girl had orange hair and grey eyes, with a bust rivaling Matsumoto's. She was clad in pink.

I finally said something with a frown, "Kid, I don't know what you plan to do, but really, what are you thinking, engaging me. I could be some psycho murderer for all you know."

The kid narrowed his eyes, "Aren't you all?"

That made me sigh, heaving that heavy breath. The kid was a bigot. Man, I was always the lucky one. So single-minded. I muttered mostly to myself, but I had the distinct feeling they could hear me, "I swear, Quincies and their pride. Jesus, I was just minding my own business, too…"

The girl stepped out from behind the Quincy, noticing I wasn't really into the _skirmish_.

"Do you know where Kuchiki Rukia is…?"

I blinked, struck for just that moment. They knew Rukia- it was official. Still… Were they…

_They can't possibly be here to_…

"Orihime, let me do the talking!"

Orihime looked at the Quincy, "Its okay, Ishida."

He blinked. I took this chance to plop down on the clay tiles covering the roof, frowning. Then I rolled onto my back, enjoying the feeling of the hot sun. Maybe, if I was real quiet, they'd forget I was there. After five minutes of their bickering, I could hear them, "Hey, where'd she go?"

"HEY! THERE THEY ARE!"

"Run, Orihime!"

Hurried footsteps.

Then, a squadron, "FOLLOW THEM!"

Ahh, yeah. The beauty of silence.

_Rukia, huh_…

**-X-**

"Oi Ganju!"

"M-m-mattteeee! How come you got so many chasing you? Now there's no point in joining up!"

I groaned, rolling over as I scrunched my eyes irritably.

"I~diot! Don't wave your hand!"

Would that guy shut up already?

I yawned, stretching my legs. I was in a very nice sleep, until some moron decided to run below, with a herd of Shinigami behind him. And from the sounds of it, both sides were coming in pretty fast.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

_Oh come on._ I rubbed my eyes, squinting as the sun blared down on me. I raised my arm, shielding my eyes. I guess I was supposed to go down there and help. But I was so damn comfortable.

And I just hated to get involved.

"Here we go, Ganju!"

I heard groans of pain, strange noises vaguely resembling grunts, like they got hit with a blunt object or something…

Great.

The Shinigami were failing. I rolled my black eyes, exasperation lacing my features as I listened to the commotion down below.

"That was dangerous, you bastard! Swingin' your sword around all of a sudden, what're you stupid?"

"Nani! I told you to get down, didn't I?"

"You swung too soon after you said it! Your sense of time is fast!"

I rolled to the roof's ledge, leaning on my elbows so I was still out of sight but where I could see. By now, all the Shinigami had stopped, just watching the two morons. One was the orange haired guy I had run into earlier. The other was a man clad in a green cloak, puffy black pants, and a white shirt, with a green bandana on. And he was making a helluva lot of noise. They were still bickering, but then stopped to actually have a conversation.

I sweat-dropped.

Then, some little Shinigami was flung into the mess, landing face-down in front of the two Ryoka.

"Hey bastards, clear a path…!"

"… If you value your buddy's life!"

I could only watch with twitching eyebrows- it was really cheesy how they finished one another's sentences. It was slightly annoying, as well. Well, that wasn't the only annoying aspect of this little scene.

The kid Shinigami started screaming, but stopped once looking at the men's expressions. Which were, quite frankly, enough to make me snort in laughter. Some Shinigami in the crowd explained the squad's positions to the Ryoka, telling him how those Shinigami didn't really care about the kid. He was in the fourth. They were in eleventh.

_Brilliant reason to scorn another.  
_

I rolled my eyes, lips curving to a disapproving frown. It was truly awful-that they didn't even care for the kid's life. But then, there was this explosion, and before I knew it, the Ryoka were gone, the Shinigami were on their backs, unconscious, and I was on the ground, coughing. I turned my gaze up, and there sat the building I was lounging on, just a pile of rubble.

Then, I heard footsteps.

A tall, dark skinned boy walked through, brown hair falling into his face. We locked eyes, but I didn't bother to get up. Instead, I just stared at him, concentrating on breathing. That fall had knocked the wind out of me.

"Are you not going to attack?" His voice was a deep rumble.

I just looked up at him, watching the boy. He seemed physically strong for a human. It made me wonder what a bunch of humans were doing here, anyway. _Rukia_… _what happened while you were away?_

_Who_…_ are these kids?_

_Why_… _are they here?_

"No."_  
_

He stood there for a moment and looked down at me, not expressing a thing.

Then he turned and ran towards a new group of Shinigami.

But I didn't move.

_Their problem now._

**-X-**_  
_

"Nagasaki-san?"

I stirred, my blonde hair falling into my eyes. Blowing out a heavy breath, I huffed. "Yes?"

There was a pause, like the voice was hesitating. "Erm, I-I don't mean to pry, but what are you doing on the ground?"

Le sigh.

I knew it wouldn't last long- my relaxation. Snapping my sooty eyes open, I came face to face with that adorable Shinigami from before. Well, whadya' know. I narrowed my eyes, making his bright blues shrink back, and he straightened. He didn't even offer his hand as I attempted to get up.

…I knew chivalry had died.

My bones cracked as I stretched, and the kid was still staring at me, I guess waiting for an answer. I debated about telling him about the Ryoka, or just telling him to fuck off. After all, he wasn't the cute little kid I had dubbed him as earlier.

He sighed in exasperation, "Well…?"

I blinked at him. Stupid kid…

"I fell." He scrunched his brows, his cute little face pinching.

"You fell…?"

I nodded absently, looking at the sky.

"And you didn't even consider getting up?"

_Well, when you put it like that…_

"Not really, kid."

He looked indignant, and I attempted to hold in my giggles. He looked like he had just bit into a lemon- a displeased little kid. "My name's Tottori, Hikaru. Don't address me by kid, lady."

I snorted, biting back some nasty phrases I'd enjoy saying to the kid. "Yeah." I yawned again, realizing I didn't really need to be there, and I pivoted, turning away from the kid. I only made it a couple steps when I felt an iron grip on my shoulder, and I stilled.

"You're suspicious, I'm taking you into my custody. I checked, there was no Nagasaki Hazumi registered as a Fukutaicho of the Gotei Thirteen."

…_Why me, God?_

**-X-**_  
_

When this little shrimp had said 'I'm taking you in,' I thought he meant the prison cells or something. But with that adamant attitude and fixed grip on my arm, he led me to the first division barracks.

"What are we doing here…?" He ignored me, his blue eyes steely and shining. Now that I looked at his determined face, I realized he looked nothing like an adorable kid, at least right then. He looked like a hardworking officer.

"What division are you in?"

He didn't look at me, but responded with a bit of pride, "Fourth seat of Rokubantai."

Oh, sixth division.

No wonder he walked around so high and mighty. He was a strong believer in justice. How nice.

_Fucking do-gooder_.

We stopped at the door, and if possible, his grip tightened, now going to my wrists. I smothered a grunt, only wincing. He knocked, announcing himself. I heard conversation from the inside, and then the door slid open, revealing a room full of Fukutaicho's.

I blinked.

Well damn, this kid took me right to the top.

"This better be good…" An indignant Renji came into view, and he stared at me, clearly taken aback. I could read his expression clearly.

_What the hell are you doing here, Nagasaki?_

Hikaru stood erect, "Renji Fukutaicho, this woman was acting very suspiciously, ignorant of any squad formations, and lazing around while she should have been working relentlessly. I brought her to you, under suspicion of her working with the Ryoka."

_God._

Renji stood still for a moment, and then a smile crept onto his face. "Suspicious, huh?"

I shot the buffoon a nasty glare, clearly expressing my displeasure.

He caught the withering look, which plainly said something along the lines of, 'Slow and painful death in store for you.'

Renji only grunted, fixing his stare on the no good do-gooder. "Do you know who this is, fourth seat Tottori?"

Hikaru blinked, "No sir."

_What an ass._

"I smell a load of bullshit~!" My sing-song voice caused Hikaru to cast me a dirty look, tightening his grip.

"Don't speak that way in front of such respected-!"

"Nagasaki, Hazumi, Vice Chief of the Kido Corps."

Renji effectively shut Hikaru up, and I looked pointedly at his hands. Slowly, Hikaru let go of them, and I rubbed my sore wrists. They were red and irritated, and would probably bruise later. Hikaru flushed bright red, bowing repeatedly to his Lt, just oozing submissiveness.

I gagged.

"Tottori." Hikaru froze, realizing he looked like a total fool, and straightened. 'Kiss Ass' was practically stamped on his forehead with big bold red letters. "It isn't me you should be apologizing to."

I looked to the side, containing my amusement with a small smile. Renji had this kid wrapped around his finger. Hikaru frowned, and grudgingly turned to me. I could see the struggle as he bit out, "My deepest apologies, Nagasaki-san."

_He could do better than that, the douche.  
_

I only offered a deadpan expression.

Hikaru nodded robotically, stiffening and turning, making his way out. But I wasn't letting him get away that easily. As he walked out, I watched him strut with as much dignity as he could muster, walking by some unseated officers with a "Hmph!"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, and with a flick of my wrist, I murmured, "Sai."

Hikaru's arms bent back quite suddenly, effectively catching him off guard and causing him to lose his balance and fall on that bootlicking face of his. I barked a dry laugh, sliding the door shut with a resounding _slam_ and turned around to face disapproving and amused expressions, and some full blown grins staring back at me.

**-X-**

"So Hazumi, what are you doing here?"

After the Hikaru Incident- as I dubbed it- the Fukutaicho's continued their little powwow, and I just stayed there, leaning against the wall. I cracked an eye at Rangiku Matsumoto, her light blue eyes grinning. Smiling, "Just doing a favor for the old man."

She laughed, "You better not let Boggnamo hear you call him that, Hazu-chan!"

I chuckled, secretly considering Boggnamo monitoring me.

That probably would not end well.

"It's strange though, calling the_ Kidōshū_ into this."

I blinked, shifting my gaze to a man with spiky black hair, three scars running down his right eye, and a bold _Sixty-nine_ tattoo on his face. Hisagi Shuhei. I gave a helpless shrug, "I'm kind of muddled by it, too. But I trust Boggnamo's judgment, so here we are."

He nodded, eyeing me for a minute.

"After all, it's quite rare to see anyone from the Kido Corps."

Seemed I was getting that reminder a lot, lately. It was starting to get pretty old.

"I don't know about you all, but I see Hazu-chan almost everyday!" I smiled at Rangiku, and Kira chose then to speak up, "Yeah. You drink all the time."

I sweat-dropped, rubbing the back of my hand, "Erm. I guess when you phrase it like that…"

Someone cleared their throat, "Whatever the reason, Yamamoto Soutaicho knows best." Sasakibe Chojiro's gold eyes lay on me, and I gave a nod.

"Hazumi-san…" A tentative voice grabbed my attention, and I looked to my left, spotting Momo Hinamori.

"Yeah?"

She smiled, her brown eyes crinkling, "It's good to see you again."

My eyes softened. Last time I had seen Momo, she was a nervous wreck. I had been off with some recruits of the Kido Corps, and I had run into her flustered form with late paperwork. I had been uncharacteristically charitable that day, and proffered my assistance.

"Yeah, it is, Momo-san."

The Fukutaicho's continued speaking about the Ryoka problem; Renji had taken a spot by me.

He was quiet.

"Why are you here, Hazumi?"

I looked at him through the corner of my eyes, quirking my lips as I thought of the first time I had met him… and Rukia. His bright red hair still resembled a pineapple, but he had more tattoos now. It had been a few weeks since I had last spoken to Renji, before he went to retrieve Rukia.

I looked at the ground, "I was asked to attend Rukia's execution."

He was quiet again. I knew this whole thing was killing Renji. It was hurting me, too.

"It seems like just yesterday Rukia and I met you. What were they thinking, the two of us fresh outa the academy, and they place us in your group."

I only rolled my eyes, reminiscing. "You two were scared witless."

He scoffed, "I wasn't scared. Just polite."

I snorted in laughter, "Polite my ass. You don't know what the word means."

He was about to say something, but then the door was slid open, and a blonde guy with glasses reported in.

"Juichibantai, third seat, Madarame Ikkaku-sama… and fifth seat Ayasegawa Yumichika-sama, both high-ranked officers have left the battle lines due to serious injury."

The atmosphere stilled.

He paused, then continued, "We are currently investigating injury status of all squads. However, as for the Juichibantai, we have reports that they have all been essentially annihilated."

Gasps came from my fellow Fukutaicho's, and I stilled at the news.

Renji pulled a face, his eyes narrowing.

"Juichibantai?" Kira was appalled. But he wasn't the only one. Momo brought her hands over her mouth, "It can't be…" I looked at my feet. So, the Ryoka were strong.

I thought back on the orange haired one, the way his tawny eyes met mine. And gone, so fast. I looked over to Renji, who was so tense and coiled, like he was ready to spring. I shifted my gaze around to the others; he seemed more affected than anyone. I watched him with narrowed eyes; the way his hands balled into fists, the way he grinded his teeth and set his jaw, his brown eyes stony.

Conversation continued, and I saw Renji push off the wall, turning his back to the meeting.

"It's kinda… turning pretty serious… huh Abarai-kun?"

I blinked, looking at Momo. She frowned, noticing the MIA officer. "Abarai-kun?"

I took a step towards the door, pressing a finger to my lips. "I'll handle it, Momo-san."

She hesitated, then smiled a little, nodding. "Good luck, Hazumi-san."

_Yeah. Good luck._


	4. Witness: Resolve

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Cuatro:**_

_"Witness: Resolve"_

_

* * *

_Resolve that whatever you do, you will bring the whole man to it; that you will fling the whole weight of your being to it

**- Orison Swett Marden**

**

* * *

**

"Renji, Renji you idiot!"

The red-headed buffoon walked on, briskly avoiding my form, which was in total pursuit. It was starting to grate my nerves. And I about had it with annoyance for one day. My temperament could only get to such a limit before-

"OI, YOU DIRTY BABBOON!"

And even at my affronted shout did he only have the decency to turn his head, "What are you doing, Nagasaki."

I scowled and caught up to him, catching him by the ear with a forceful tug. "What's it look like I'm doing, dumbass?"

He grimaced, "Cut it out. You don't need to worry- those Ryoka won't even be able to touch me."

My eyebrow only twitched in response, and I gave another heavy tug, "Yeah, because we all know Ikkaku is _so easy_ to take down."

He was quiet.

"Yeah, now you've got nothing to say, big, tall, and gruesome…"

He rolled his eyes at my immature name-calling and scoffed, gingerly maneuvering out of my grasp. "I'm just putting them in their place. There'll be no problem after I'm done."

For some reason, I didn't like how Renji's words sounded. They rubbed me the wrong way, I guess. That was the only way I could really put it.

"Those glasses and tattoos of yours aren't the only flamboyant thing about you…"

"What's with you and my glasses, really?"

"They're ugly, Renji."

But before he could retort, we had made it to the stone stairs, the Shrine of Penitence lumbering behind us. And he started first. I stepped down, following the imbecile. "You know Renji-"

But I couldn't finish, because a familiar _Reiatsu_ interrupted my train of thought.

…I couldn't place who it belonged to, though. I vaguely caught Renji's stiff form, and I barely caught the small movement of his fists balling. Skirting my gaze away from his form, I looked down below to see a thick fog just lazing right above the ground. Then I heard muffled voices. Shinigami?

…No.

"Renji…"

"I know. Stay here, Nagasaki."

And he walked down. I didn't know why I stayed there, rooted to that step. I just watched him get further and further away, and then he vanished in the dense fog. It was a few minutes until I heard the voices get closer, and then the fog started to clear. I could see Renji at the bottom of the steps now, fists at his side. Probably glaring for all he was worth, too.

_Idiot. _

"Long time no see… You remember my face?" Renji was speaking in some low voice, and I didn't like it. My lips pulled, and my coal orbs narrowed. Suspicious? Yes. Unnerved? Yes. Apprehensive? Yes.

Irrationally scared?

A little.

Then, a response, "I'd forget it if I could, but… there's a mountain of stuff I gotta return to you, Abarai Renji."

And the mist cleared.

There stood Renji at the bottom, but he wasn't alone. It was that orange haired Ryoka and his dumb sidekick, with that Shinigami still with them.

There wasn't really a response shaken from me.

Renji walked slowly towards them, making it all dramatic. I almost shouted at him, told him to come off it and just take down the kid. But no… he always liked the theatrics. "Didn't expect that. You even remembered my name. Pretty damn good."

I felt uneasy.

It was obvious the two had met before, but I could only think of one time when that even had the chance of happening.

"Thanks _so _much."

_God. _

I stepped down from the stone step, getting closer. I wasn't going to interfere. I was going to watch Renji and this kid both make fools outa themselves, just to make sure…

So I inched my way down while they were chatting it up. And then Renji drew his sword, "I'm gonna kill the bastard who took Rukia's powers. As long as you're alive, Rukia's powers won't return."

_Interesting. _

"The hell are you talking about? You brought her back to kill her!"

_This is also true._

"You're gonna let me pass!"

"Just try it! If you can beat me first!"

I stepped down the last step, my tan sandals making a slight _tap_. So the fight started. Kinda fitting… they were both hotheads. I plopped down by the rock wall, not bothering with the two off to the side. It wasn't that they weren't worth my time… Just that I didn't feel like doing anything. 

_Renji might push it…_

"Ichigo, he's a Fukutaicho! No matter how strong you are, there's no way you can win!"

Well, they were real supportive. I blinked, watching Renji lose the upper hand, watching this Ichigo guy push him back. I could hear them speaking from where I sat.

"Hey, Kurosaki Ichigo. How do you think you're gonna save Rukia?"

This _Ichigo_ narrowed his brown eyes, "_How?"_

"Even if you beat me now, there are still eleven more Fukutaichos. On top o' that, there're thirteen Taichos above _them_. And there's even a Fukutaicho behind me! Other than beating all o' them, there's no way to save Rukia. …You saying you can do that?"

Renji was such an idiot. I had concealed my Reiatsu to more or less hide my presence and power, but there he went- screwing it up. He just needed to keep his mouth shut sometimes.

Ichigo grimaced, pushing against Renji. It somewhat surprised me- that the kid was this strong.

But by the way Renji spoke…

I knew he had discarded his feelings for this fight. True, Rukia was a great friend of his, probably his best, but… his duty called. And Renji would be damned if he lost his title. I frowned, looking down at my hands.

So this Ryoka came here to save Rukia…

And there we were, standing in their way. Their chances were next to impossible. And yet, they had to be informed of this. And they were still here.

…_Who _was I to stand in their way?

Then, Renji was against the wall, not four feet from me. Ichigo had pushed him there…

And they were still talking…

"Howl, Zabimaru!" I shielded my eyes from the dust picked up by Renji's _Reiatsu_, coughing as some went down my throat. Then I blinked, watching Ichigo struggle with Renji's released zanpakuto.

I realized that I didn't want to watch this. But I couldn't tear my eyes away as Ichigo was slammed into a concrete wall, creating a huge crater. His friends looked terrified.

I just sighed, leaning my head against the rock wall and closing my eyes.

"Apparently, you think because we fought once, you know my real power. Lemme tell you something… When Shingami of Fukutaicho or higher go into the living world, we get our power extremely limited not to cause unnecessary influence there."

_Braggart._

I opened my eyes, looking into the crater, seeing only dust and rubble.

"My power is five times it was then. Now matter how strong you've gotten," Renji said, walking closer, "You don't even have a one in a million chance of beating me." 

_Enough boasting, idiot. _

"Will you shut the hell up, Renji? I have better things to do than babysit your monkey-ass. Stop gloating, you haven't even won the _goddamn_ fight yet."

Ichigo's companions turned to me, surprised.

Renji inclined his head toward me, just by a fraction. "Nagasaki…"

I had brought my fist up and shook it in his direction, a scowl coating my face.

"What are you going on about?"

"Just get on with it and stop talking!"

Silence. 

_Reiatsu_…?

The rubble shifted, and I looked out the corner of my eye only to see more rocks fall, "Which means that last one… is your real power?"

Footsteps, and then the hulking sword was picked up. I blinked, watching the kid emerge out of the crater, "That didn't hurt _at all_." Ichigo's hair was matted with blood, and it ran down the side of his face. "Thanks. 'Cause if it's gonna be eleven guys like you, I think I can get through 'em now."

I could only snort derisively, somewhat appraising the kid's heart and scorning his stupidity simultaneously.

"Seems like there _is_ someone in the world stupider than you, Renji~!"

"OI!"

"The hell you say, Nagasaki!"

I just blinked my big, black eyes innocently, seemingly oblivious as I shrugged my shoulders as the two cast sharp glances in my general direction.

But then Renji started to talk again.

And he just loved to talk. I watched Ichigo begin to wobble, the blood just oozing out of that head wound. Head wounds were a bitch; it took forever for them to stop bleeding, and they bled a whole lot. The blood had already covered Ichigo's eye. Renji barked a small, "Heh."

And then, "You might still be able to talk trash, but it looks like it's all you can do just to stand."

I just sighed, averting my gaze as I heard the fight pick back up.

Renji talking just to get his adrenaline up. Talking down to his opponent… it helped him clear his conscious. Blaming it all on Ichigo, he shouldered nothing.

_Is that what you want Renji? Because I'm having a hard time believing you're not shouldering a goddamn thing._

But I was surprised, seeing Ichigo could dodge as swiftly as he was. He landed on a roof, running from Renji's ferocious Zabimaru, but Renji was there just a second later and there was this _crack,_ dust from the split stone spilling into the atmosphere. I heard lots of _clangs_ and frustrated grunts, and then the building came down. 

_Always have to go all out, huh._

They stood in the middle of the rubble, panting like dogs. "You're one stubborn bastard. You want to save Rukia _that badly?"_

Ichigo was leaning on his zanpakuto, heaving in oxygen. "Stupid… bastard! I don't _wanna_ save her… I'm _gonna_ save her!"

Ichigo's confidence only further pissed Renji off, and I winced as Renji delivered a blow that sliced right into Ichigo's torso, stretching up to his right shoulder. He was yelling at Ichigo, blaming him again.

I frowned, averting my gaze once again.

This was an ugly side of Renji even I didn't want to see. I knew it would come out, though. He was raised in a crummy district of Rukongai, too. I didn't blame him…

"It's over, Renji!"

I snapped my eyes back to the action- which was taking place only a few yards from me- where Ichigo was coming down on an exposed Renji.

"You really are dumb, kid," I muttered, grimacing as Renji dodged quickly, bringing Zabimaru down on Ichigo's other shoulder.

Brown eyes widened as my words floated to his ears, followed by the blood.

"I told you, you don't have a one in a million chance of beating me." Crimson was streaming like a waterfall through Ichigo's wound, and I watched with narrowed black eyes. I compressed my lips as I watched him fall, uttering sounds of sheer pain. I watched his shock, and Renji explained. I cringed as my friend spoke in that cold voice that I had never liked, "The unbridgeable gap in power between you and me… is just that, plain and simple. Understand now? _You_ can't save Rukia."

And he brought his sword down.

My eyes hardened as I realized… he sounded just like his frosty Captain. And as I watched the dust fly into the air, I waited for the silence to break. Then there it was. I heard labored breathing. The dust settled, revealing a struggling Ichigo leaning on his zanpakuto for dear life.

I frowned- this kid was just prolonging the inevitable. But I looked at his face, the way his eyes snapped up to Renji's, the way they hardened with an emotion that I hadn't really realized he had.

_Resolve. _

Renji readied Zabimaru, but hesitated, reading that something in Ichigo's expression, too. Ichigo lifted his hulking sword over his shoulder, "Sorry for the wait, Renji. Here's my _resolve_."

Renji's eyes widened as Ichigo's _Reiatsu_ flared.

"_This time, _I _will_ cut you!"

His _Reiatsu_ pulsed, causing a forceful gale of wind to spiral. Renji held his sword at the ready, and Ichigo moved, dodging, finding an opening.

I shifted my gaze to the orange sky, and there was a split second of quiet. I heard Ichigo say something, and Renji's indignant grunt, and a shatter, but I kept my gaze up, watching the pink clouds.

And there was the inescapable sound of flesh _ripping_, and a blast of power, engulfing the area.

I heard Renji, his pain, and then a _slam_ as I closed my eyes.

He had lost.

_Renji lost._

I heard him shout out, and that's when I stood. By the time that I had made it over to the two, Renji was dripping blood, gripping Ichigo's collar.

Those words that I heard- they shook me to the very core.

_"Save Rukia!" _

And he collapsed at Ichigo's feet.

I stared down at him, lips unconsciously curving. I hadn't seen Renji lose in about twenty years. It would always be disconcerting, witnessing something like that. And at this thought, I raised my eyes to Ichigo, who looked a tad shaken by Renji's… new request. Because it was Renji who now held some hope for him. Renji, who had just moments ago, talked as much shit as possible, cutting Ichigo down -figuratively and literally- each time Ichigo claimed he would rescue Rukia.

I caught Ichigo's eye for the second time, and I could see that, even in his state, he would be ready to cut me down if he had to, because his _resolve _was that strong, that willing.

This, quite frankly, was a load of shit because he was swaying on his feet as we had this little… exchange.

He just panted heavily, almost like an animal. Bloody and exhausted, nearly fainting, he was staring at me with a defiant glint in his brown eyes. He was taking in my appearance- blonde hair pulled back loosely, charcoal eyes meeting his directly, and lean frame misguiding agile limbs for fragility.

I vaguely wondered if he would point that colossal sword of his at me next.

Instead, he collapsed. His friends ran up to his fallen form, seemingly ignoring me. I didn't know if I should have laughed from their stupidity, been offended that they took me so lightly, or smiled at their concern for their friend.

"Oi, Ichigo! Answer me!" The bigger, dumb one in green exclaimed, really just shocked. But the smaller Shinigami turned to me, eyes shaking. I looked down at the fallen Ryoka, eyes softening.

This was the kid that had broken into Seireitei just hours ago.

This was the kid who was claiming that he would take on the whole Gotei Thirteen Court to save Rukia Kuchiki.

"You best get him out of here, before more Shinigami arrive. They're bound to, with the ruckus these morons caused."

The Shinigami blinked, "Ah, yes. But, who are you?"

I averted my gaze, watching a pack of Shinigami run toward us in the distance.

"Hazumi," came my clipped and brisk response. No title, no rank, no nothing. My name was enough to suffice.

"If they catch up to us now, we'd be screwed."

The kid looked to his companion, "Okay."

The bigger one carried Ichigo away, while the small Shinigami struggled with his sword.

He was taking too long…

Heaving a breath, I only cast a last, fleeting glance at the approaching Shinigami before I turned to the shrimp, "Common, kid."

And I heaved the sword ontp my shoulder, starting after the man.

_"H-hai!"_

**-X-**

Ganju, as I had learned, led us to the sewers, where Hanataro, who was part of the _Yobantai_, fourth division, healed Ichigo. They spoke about Ichigo's injuries for a bit, and then Ganju took it upon his shoulders to round on me, suddenly very suspicious.

"So where do you get off, helping us like that? How do we know you're not going to turn us in?"

My eyes were on the running water in the exposed pipeline, watching the liquid run its course.

"If I wanted you captured, I would have kept you at the surface. I would've waited for that squad to catch up. Couldn't have been more than forty seconds, anyway."

He blinked at my rather straightforward response, uncrossing his arms and stepping off the wall and taking a seat beside Ichigo's unconscious form. I turned my head, watching Hanataro work hard. His healing was rather skilled, but I could see little beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

He wouldn't get the job done.

I turned back to the water, watching.

"So… who are you exactly?"

"She said her name was Hazumi, Ganju-san." 

Ganju just fired more questions.

"What squad are you in?"

There was something swimming in the water, and I pulled a small grimace. Was it true about what they said, alligators in the sewers? I vaguely mused to myself, thinking of the old Urban Legends Reizo used to illustrate to Hosyu and me.

It was quiet, the only sounds being the labored breathing coming from the unconscious kid and the trickling of water down rusty, aged pipes. They really needed to replace those… "

"I'm not in the Gotei Thirteen."

The temperature dropped a few degrees at my utterance, and I turned my head just a fraction to meet their eyes. Ganju was scrutinizing me with narrowed eyes, and Hanataro furrowed his brows, still working on Ichigo's wounds, and I noted his energy was about spent. With a reluctant frown, I stood and started for Hanataro, my feet making a _pit pat_ sound each step, and I sat on my shins beside him, over Ichigo.

I put my hand over his, pulling it back. "You're spent."

He looked at me with those big, grayish eyes, hesitated, then retreated, setting his hands in his lap. I held my hands over Ichigo's chest, and not a second later they were emanating a pale indigo. Ichigo groaned, but then his face relaxed, smoothing out.

I took this time to tell them, "I'm in the Kido Corps."

No need to tell them my position. In my opinion, it wasn't of the utmost relevance, and I was certainly not one to gloat. Seeing Ganju stiffen from the corner of my eye, and Hanataro's eyes widened, I just continued with the healing process without a word.

"Kido… Corps…?"

I nodded, narrowing my eyes as I healed one of the gashes on Ichigo's shoulder.

"What's the Kido Corps' business here?"

I didn't even glance at Ganju as my eyes narrowed in concentration on Ichigo's still form. "I was to attend Rukia Kuchiki's execution. It was a request… from both the Soutaicho of the Gotei Thirteen and _Kidōshū_ head, the _Kidōshū Sōshi_."

_Was._

I had unconsciously used past tense._  
_

But I wasn't going to tell Ganju and Hanataro that I was representing the Corps, here to also eliminate the threat of the Ryoka. I was basically doing the exact opposite of what I was sent here to do.

_"Do what you think is right."_

I don't think this was what old man Boggnamo had in mind…

**-X-**

"The situation is urgent."

The atmosphere was tense, and Yamamoto spoke in a grave tone, emphasizing how critical this, once a nuisance, now gaping problem was in Seireitei. "It has finally come to the point that we are short one adjutant of the Gotei Thirteen. This is no longer a matter we can leave to the lower ranked squad members. Therefore, in accordance with this situation," he was speaking quicker now, "I will ignore Ichimaru's earlier independent actions."

Ichimaru looked up, "Thank ya kindly."

Yamamoto drilled on, "Furthermore, I hereby permit the continuous carrying and wartime release of zanpakuto for senior officers, including Fukutaicho, within Seireitei."

He paused, letting the Taichos soak in this new information.

"Constant carrying of zanpakuto, eh…" Kaname Tousen.

"Wartime general release… I couldn't be happier." Kenpachi grinned.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri spoke pointedly, "If _someone_ hadn't let the Ryoka escape in the first place, we wouldn't be _in_ this situation."

Ichimaru turned to him, "Ya cain't talk 'bout that no mo'."

Kenpachi looked on, "That's right. As of just now, he's _my_ meat. (Insert creepy laugh here)."

"Men." All eyes snapped to Yamamoto, "…Let us take this to all-out war."

As he spoke, Yamamoto's eyes swept over the gathered crowd, taking note of the nine Taichos standing before him. Unohana and Soifon were out in the field, while Ukitake was absent due to illness. He closed his eyes, counting yet another absence.

He wasn't the only one to note her absence, as Hitsugaya Toshiro flicked his gaze around. If she had been there for one Taicho's meeting, why wasn't she there now? Aizen looked around slowly, also noticing.

Yamamoto brought down his cane, "Dismissed."

Kenpachi was the first out the door, followed by the others, making their ways to their respective divisions, making proper arrangements.

"Kuchiki Taicho."

Byakuya stilled, shifting his grey eyes to Yamamoto.

"As of now, you in charge of locating Nagasaki, Hazumi's whereabouts."

**-X-**

I didn't know how long we had been down there in the sewers, but it had been long enough for Hanataro to have to dress Ichigo's wounds again. Ganju was leaning against the wall, and I was sitting against it, my head back, eyes closed. I was thinking about my brothers. What was Hosyu doing right about now? Probably bitching at some pour soul in the Maggot's Nest, no doubt. His favorite past time was moaning and groaning, after all.

…And what about Reizo? What was he doing? Was he even _alive_?

A groan brought me back, and I opened my eyes to see Ichigo waking up.

"Oh, you're awake, Ichigo-san."

He blinked, looking up. "Hanataro… I-…"

"Please don't move. Though Hazumi-san did an excellent job, your wounds still haven't completely closed."

"Hazumi…?" Hanataro blinked, casting a look over his shoulder, to me.

"_Ano_, Hazumi-san was there with Renji Fukutaicho…"

I sat there against the wall, an arm on my knee, eyes fixed on Ichigo.

"Ichigo please, don't move around! You're wounds aren't healed."

"Wounds… Oh, yeah… I fought Renji and…" Suddenly, Ichigo sat up, and I bet he immediately regretted it, as he sat panting and coughing. "Thanks Hanataro.

"I'm fine now."

_Idiot. _

"What're you talking about? You can't get up yet!"

"Chado and the others don't know where Rukia is. If I don't go…"

And like the dumbass he proved to be, he stood hunched over in obvious pain.

"Ichigo-san, I said you can't!"

He made it to the wall, where I had put his sword, and he even picked it up, but not before getting sucker-punched right in the jaw, and in that second I decided I liked Ganju a bit more.

"Now he's got another injury!"

I rolled my eyes, "Nice shot, Ganju."

He laughed, bringing his fist up by his face, "Ohhoho! And Ganju gets the hit!"

Hanataro chided him, and thus another _heated discussion_ was born.

**-X-**

I blinked, opening my eyes.

_Didn't even realize I had fallen asleep_…

I looked around, noting I was still in the sewers, and I saw Ganju sleeping on the floor, a little ways away. Hanataro was sitting against the wall closest to Ichigo. I yawned, rubbing my eyes, and I heard groans.

When I opened my eyes, there Ichigo sat, Hanataro and him speaking about the earlier events.

"How did he… how did Renji make out?"

Hanataro responded, "I don't know specifically, but if things went normally, he should be receiving care from an advanced relief unit."

The ginger visibly relaxed, "Oh yeah?"

I decided now was the time to speak up.

"Or, things couldn't have gone normally."

Ichigo looked over to me at this, narrowing his eyes "Oi, who are you?"

Hanataro blinked, "What do you mean, Hazumi-san?"

I ignored Ichigo, fixing my gaze on the ceiling. "Well… You've got Renji, who got his ass moped with the floor by yours truly over there," I nodded my head in Ichigo's direction, "and called for no relief and no assistance. And then you've got Kuchiki Byakuya, the no-nonsense guy. How do you think he's going to look at that?"

Hanataro blinked, realization dawning onto him, "But it's his Fukutaicho!"

I scoffed, looking off, "Shinigami are disposable, Hanataro-san. He'll see it as a failure, and mostly likely lock him up."

I had grasped the concept of politics a few decades ago. It wasn't a very pretty concept, either.

Ichigo's voice rang out, "How do you know that?"

I looked anywhere but them. How did I know this…?

I lived it.

With my gaze on the water, my eyes glazed and softened as my thoughts strayed to the past. I didn't say anything, and I didn't catch Ichigo looking at me strangely. The suspicion in his eyes quelled, and he relaxed. Then, my head snapped up at an abrupt, unwelcome thought.

_What the hell am I doing here?_

"Well, it's been nice meeting you lot."

Ichigo blinked, "Oi, you can't go!"

"Are you planning to stop me?"

Ichigo paused at my deadpan. I mean really, who was he kidding?

_Big idiot._

"What was the point of your being here…?"

I hadn't really thought about it. "No reason."

And that's when I thought about it. I had obviously had that moment of mercy, and where had that gotten me? No… that wasn't it. It wasn't a moment of mercy.

"No reason at all," I muttered, mostly to myself.

It was a moment of idealism.

"Ichigo-san, maybe you should be more grateful towards Hazumi-san… She saved your life."

Hanataro's tentative voice called him out.

The moron just frowned, "Eh?"

Hanataro smiled, "I ran out of energy, and Hazumi here finished the job. And… it's really because of her that you're conscious right now."

I crossed my arms from where I stood, turning my head to gaze at the water. I felt Ichigo''s eyes on me before his voice reached my ears. "I see… Thanks… Hazumi."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well. Couldn't just let you bleed to death."

That had him quiet for a moment, and the next time he spoke I couldn't help but look at him.

"But you could have."

I visibly stilled.

_That's right._

I could have… He was my enemy. I guess I had forgotten, seeing him lay there, all motionless and bloody. Renji _had_ done a number on him. And I wasn't one to leave one to die like that. It felt inhumane. It was an ugly concept for me.

Hanataro's loud yawn had my gaze trailing over to his exhausted form. To my shock, my lips were moving before I knew it. "You should get some sleep, Hanataro. You look awfully tired…"

He shook his head, "Someone's gotta make sure Ichigo doesn't run off in the state he's in."

And then he gave me a smile. A small, sheepish smile that was so bashful that it had my gut suddenly wrenching with dread.

_Oh dear._

I was hesitant in my next words.

"… Don't worry about that."

He blinked with slow understanding, "But… you better go, Hazumi-san. I'm sure someone's noticed you're missing, too."

"Nah."

He looked at me with those big eyes, "Nani?"

_What the hell am I doing?_

I suddenly found myself staying rooted to the spot, now leaning against the wall just a few feet away.

"No one's noticed."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You want to sleep, or do you want to be _put_ to sleep, kid?"

My patience was already running thin with the kid, but with good reason. He was arguing against the good of his own health. And there I was, making some irrational decision that I hadn't even remotely had time to think over.

Sensing my sudden irritation, "A-alright, Hazumi-san."

And like the small shrimp he was, Hanataro crawled over to where Ganju was, placed his head on his knee, and entered the perfect dream-land. I couldn't help but snort in laughter as a puddle of drool started to form on Ganju's pants.

"You were with Renji…"

Hearing this, my black orbs trailed back to Ichigo, who was now sitting against the wall. And to my uneasy surprise, I found it very difficult to keep my eyes on his face. Mainly because his shirt was discarded, he had- to be put in crude terms- a hard body.

But somehow I managed to hold his gaze.

"Yeah, I was."

"Do you know him?"

"Why would I be with him if we weren't acquainted…?"

"You know what I meant!"

I just exhaled softly at his sudden exclamation, finding that Ichigo really did have a hot temper when toyed with. Uncrossing my arms, I shrugged unceremoniously, "I mean… I guess. We've been acquainted for quite some time now. It's been awhile, I suppose."

He was silent for a few moments.

"Are you," it looked like he was mulling over what word to choose, "friends… with him?"

This had my big eyes blinking, shifting my gaze to where the boy sat, questioning me with his eyes. I know he caught the infinitesimal quirk of my lips as I mused over his inquiry, "I guess. He's too much of an idiot to get along with most of the time, but somehow I manage to deal with his idiocy. Maybe it's because Rukia was always there to balance out the smarts…"

And there I frowned.

_Soon_… _she won't be there at all._

"You're friends with Rukia…?"

"Yeah."

And then I looked at Ichigo, the kid who claimed he would save Rukia Kuchiki. The kid, despite the odds in favor of both Shinigami, who had beaten both Ikkaku and Renji.

I was reminded of the fountain outside my barracks, the beautiful emeralds peeking from beneath. 

_Maybe_…_ this kid actually stands a chance._


	5. A New Fidelity

**EDITED CHAPTER!**

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Cinco:**_

_"A New Fidelity"_

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A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success

**- Elbert Hubbard**

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"This is a special nutritional tonic pill given to Yobantai members to make fatigued members work like workhorses even longer."

Hanataro had a little pill in his hand, imprinted with a red skull. Ichigo and Ganju were hovering over it, skeptical. They had the strangest expressions on their faces, and I couldn't help but snort in laughter.

They sweat-dropped, "_Really?_ There's a _skull_ drawn on it, dude."

Ganju sounded like he just wanted to chuck the thing in the water and forget about it.

"Take one pill and what do you know."

Here he swallowed it, and then there was this particularly questionable glow that came from his stomach, causing Ganju and Ichigo to lean forward. Hanataro's eyes got suspiciously smaller, the whites of his eyes basically taking his whole eyeball.

"…Now I'm good to go!"

He stood quite suddenly, but I looked him over with…well… a skeptical gaze of my own. He sure didn't look too well…

_"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT ONE MINUTE!" _

I actually laughed out loud at the desperate exclamation, earning a sharp look from Ichigo. He pointed to Hanataro with a flash of his hand, "Is that thing even safe?"

A ghost of a smile flitted at the corners of my lips, "It is questionable…"

"Did that medicine work?"

Hanataro gave Ganju a still stare, pointing to himself, "What are you talking about? Doesn't my face say _'Bursting with energy!'_?"

A cackle escaped my lips, just to bounce off the sewer's walls with vigor. Ichigo and Ganju mirrored one another, "It's no different from a minute ago!"

Hanataro looked like a zombie.

Ganju deadpanned, "I really think they lied to you."

_Oh, companions_…

**-X-**

"Hosyu-san, you have a visitor."

Hosyu Nagasaki lifted his green eyes to the messenger with a light sparkle to his eye, "Aa, is this important Kimi-san?"

The woman nodded with a only a curt bob to her head, causing Hosyu to sigh before gesturing her to let the guest in. In turn, the woman pivoted and beckoned in the unknown visitor. She disappeared from the doorway and was replaced with a stoic figure.

Silent footsteps caught the boyish officer's attention, and he slowly lifted his gaze to only come out dumbfounded.

Hosyu blinked for a moment or two, and after regaining his composure, "Kuchiki…"

Byakuya Kuchiki stepped into Hosyu's office, his gaze apathetic and passive. "Nagasaki."

Hosyu leaned against the wall of his small room, facing to aristocratic Captain. He had just been about to leave for the Nest of Maggots for his normal routine, but it seemed Kuchiki had something else in mind.

Hosyu didn't get visitors of the Gotei Thirteen often, above all, Captains.

He suddenly felt wary, and maybe even old.

"What is it that I can do for you?"

Hosyu had a pit forming in his gut, and he could only imagine why a Captain, Byakuya Kuchiki of all people, had come to see him. His expression was neutral as he watched Byakuya let his gaze stray around his living quarters, taking in the white walls, piles of finished paperwork on his desk, and picture frames lined up on his windowsill.

Meeting Hosyu's eye again, "Nagasaki Hazumi's current whereabouts are unknown. By order of Yamamoto Soutaicho, I was placed to locate them."

At this, Hosyu could only blink and take a minute to let it sink in.

Hazumi was… missing?

"Are… is he sure? She could just be…"

What? Not reporting in to the most respected man in Seireitei?

_No._

Hazumi was lazy, but she wasn't stupid. If anything, she was the brightest out of the two siblings.

_Brighter than Reizo, too._

Byakuya kept his unwavering eye on Hosyu, watching the conflicting emotions dance in his eyes and pass through his face. "She didn't report to the last Captains meeting, and there has been no report of seeing the Vice Kido Chief."

The pit gaped in Hosyu's stomach. _"I see…"_

"As her brother, you were my first step in the questioning of Nagasaki Hazumi's whereabouts," Byakuya paused, watching Hosyu shake his head before continuing, "but seeing as you have not heard from her, we have to assume she is either dead or dishonest to Seireitei."

Hosyu narrowed his green eyes, "What are you getting at, Kuchiki?"

And what Byakuya said next, in his cool indifferent voice, made fire burn in those green eyes, and Hosyu's stomach drop so low, "We have to assume she is assisting the Ryoka in their _attempt_ to impede the execution of Rukia Kuchiki."

Hosyu averted his gaze, looking off. Somehow, maybe by from knowing Hazumi for years and years and being her brother- knowing how her mind worked- he just knew it was the latter.

She was going to get herself killed.

Stupid idiot.

**-X-**

The sun was shining bright, the blue sky just like I always enjoyed it- like an endless pool of crisp, unadulterated vastness full of clarity. Puffy white clouds rolled around lazily, adding a generic quality that was quite pleasurable.

Well, it was morning.

We were back at the surface, at the sight where Ichigo had just fought Renji, hours ago. Glancing around with a neutral gaze, I saw wreckage and the debris, and I realized that the fight was a real struggle, for both Renji and Ichigo. My lips tipped as I looked at the ground, black eyes going bleak as I stumbled upon Renji's situation. Though it was unrealistic, I really did hope Kuchiki wasn't some hardass who would have him locked up, despite Renji's injuries.

Like I said, unrealistic.

"Hey, I just remembered, you think the others are okay?"

I glanced at Ganju, who was looking at Ichig as he spoke.

The others…

Hadn't I seen them…?

"_Cutie_… People don't say that _nowadays._"

I cracked a smile at the words, and I noted Hanataro looked at Ichigo with an even bigger one, "I think _'nowadays_' is a bit old now, too."

A tick mark formed on Ichigo's head, and he grabbed Hanataro, rubbing his knuckles on Hanataro's temples.

_"Owwwww!" _

Ganju and I sweat-dropped, "You think we should stop them?"

"…Nah."

Then Ichigo stopped, turning serious. He looked out towards the stone stairs, his brows drawn and jaw set. "Both Ishida and Inoue are a hundred times sharper than me."

Ganju crossed his arms, looking at Ichigo with a grumpy frown, "Which means… you're a hundred times dumber than them?"

"It would mean that," Hanataro chirped, causing my black orbs to lighten just a bit.

By now Ichigo had an annoyed frown on his lips, and he turned back to Hanataro, giving him another noogie.

Sobering up, "They wouldn't needlessly pick a fight with an enemy they can't beat. They're fine, I'm sure of it."

At this I merely made a disagreeable noise in the back of my throat, crossing my arms and looking to the side.

"Nani…?"

"I think you've got too much faith in that Quincy boy."

Ichigo blinked, frowning. "What makes you say that?"

I looked at him with my black eyes, impassive, "He picked a fight with me," here I frowned absently, "he even got a bit of my hair…"

Ichigo stared at me, opening his mouth, and I could tell he was about to ask something, but Ganju interrupted him, "What about the other one? That… Chado guy."

Ichigo turned back, "He's even less of a worry."

Ganju knitted his brows, "How come?"

The faux Shinigami stepped forward, "I can sense it."

They stared at him from behind, and I looked at him as he stood beside me. "I sense him… his reiatsu. I have since we fell outa the sky. And… I can't even imagine the idea of Chado losing."

I stared, too, at Ichigo, wondering what was going through his head. He gazed upwards, with those now burning tawny eyes. He had so much faith in those friends of his.

_Why, Ichigo?_

How much hope did he really carry?

How was it even possible to carry such hope?

"Let's go." And he started to run. The two behind me made a noise, not so much of surprise, but they surely didn't expect him to just bolt like that. _"Wait!"_ And they were off, too, running by me.

Just like that.

But I didn't go. I only stayed rooted to the spot, watching their backs as they furthered the distance between us. It had always been so easy, leaving me behind. Bringing my gaze down, I reached into my sash and pulled out my insignia. Engraved on it were the Kido Corps emblem and a little _Kanji _representing my title. I gripped it, my knuckles turning white.

I had this, yet I was still being left behind_…_

"Oi Hazumi, what are you doing?"

My head snapped up at the voice, and I caught sight Ichigo and Hanataro and Ganju, all standing on the staircase, waiting.

_Waiting…?_

"HURRY UP!"

They were waiting. A buoy, in the immense sea I had claimed to be lost in.

A smile curled my lips as I stuffed my insignia back into my robes, and with that, I ran to them, these foreign people who had waited _for me_.

_How odd._

_Ichigo is… a peculiar one._

**-X-**

"No one's around. They're thin on security here, too."

We made it to the top of the stairs, the three of them panting like dogs, but I stood there as composed as ever, planting a small hand on my thin hip as I stared down at the rebellious group.

"You guys suck."

"How the hell are you not tired, Hazumi!"

I looked at Ganju, blinking my charcoal eyes, "Tired, Ganju…?"

He gave me a withering look, but I pointedly avoided his creepy stare, gazing around.

Something to me suddenly didn't feel so right. Like it felt off. There was a thin trace of _Reiatsu_ there, just lingering and so barely noticeable that even I, _Fuku Kidōchō_ who was trained to know stuff like this, almost missed it.

Glancing discreetly at my three companions, my lips compressed to a taut line.

They didn't realize it, but we were being watched.

They started forward, so eager to get to the Shrine of Penitence.

_"Oi, Wait-!"_

However, I was unable to finish. Because right then, there was this suffocating _Reiatsu_, so unstable and forceful. I froze from behind them, gaze flying to the ground to see the bold _Reiatsu_ even changing the landscape; little splinters and chunks of concrete were being uplifted into the air. It was so aggressive, and I gazed down, seeing my hands shaking.

_I hadn't realized_…

"What is this insanely huge _Reiatsu_?"

And then Ganju and Hanataro were slumped over, barely standing. Ichigo too, was starting to hunch. As for me… I was barely managing, myself. I gritted my teeth, struggling. Shuddering shallow breaths, I finally gathered enough sense to know who was responsible. My eyes widened, and I slowly lifted my head, lifting my eyes to the top of the nearest building, and I almost collapsed, my eyes glued to the figure.

"Damnit, we gotta run! I don't know, but I'm sure _someone_ terrible is nearby!"

_You got that right, Kurosaki. _

They ran, and I picked my gaze up back to the building, to the empty space.

_Pull yourself together, Hazumi!_

My jaw set and my eyes were stone, and I took off after them. It was pointless to run, though. I knew what the holder of this _Reiatsu_ was doing. After all, it was a smart technique- instilling fear.

Then, Hanataro collapsed, and I skidded to a sudden stop.

"Hanataro!" Ganju, too, stopped, and turned back, "What the hell're you doing?"

Hanataro lifted his head, just a fraction. "Sumimasen… my body won't… gather the strength to…"

My lips curved as I took in his state. There was no way he could continue with this _Reiatsu_ beating down so hard.

"Geez, you're one high maintenance SOB, damnit!" Ganju lifted him over his shoulders, and in that second, I had a little more respect for him. We continued on, until Ichigo stopped, turning around with panicked eyes. I stopped beside him, trembling. I would have been ashamed, if I could've thought clearly. After all, who would kill me?

I was a part of Seireitei's military. It'd be borderline treason to murder one of their own. Albeit, I was committing an act of treason in the instance that they would kill me, so maybe it would be justified in Central 46's eyes.

But at the time, I wasn't thinking straight, and I could only look to where Ichigo was, and lo, there was Zaraki Kenpachi.

Then he disappeared.

I stilled, turning my head to gaze at him behind us, and then he spoke to Ichigo, "Hey, how long're you gonna look over there?"

I could feel the faux Shinigami stiffen beside me, suddenly so pretty bloody scared.

And _"Huh?"_ was the only intelligible response from the boy. But then he made a noise, a strangled groan- as if he were in sudden pain. As I watched him bring his shaking hand to his chest, I realized what Kenpachi was doing. His bloodlust was tangible, so much that Ichigo thought he had actually been wounded.

They spoke, but I ignored their words. My mind wouldn't piece one and two together. I wasn't able to decide what the hell I was supposed to do. I looked over to Ganju, who was frozen, kneeling on the ground, Hanataro behind him, just lying there. He, too, didn't know what to do.

Suddenly Ichigo turned back to them, "Ganju! Hanataro!"

And his eyes immediately glanced around, widening as they didn't find what they were looking for- "Hazumi!"

If I had been paying attention to him, I would have realized Ichigo had been a bit surprised at my standing by his side. Standing was the key word. Though Kenpachi's _Reiatsu _was staggering, I could handle myself for awhile.

The something squeaked, and I looked up, seeing Kenpachi's little Fukutaicho step on Ichigo's shoulder.

_"OI!"_

Upon this, she flipped back, "Whoa, he got mad at me."

"Idiot, it's your fault."

Yet again did I ignore this exchange. Somehow, I finally got some power over my limbs, and I moved towards Ganju. Once I was beside him, we shared a look, then back to the situation at hand.

"Who the hell are you?"

The Lt. pulled a smile, "I'm Kusajishi Yachiru, Juichibantai Fukutaicho."

She put her fingers to the edges to her mouth, smiling, "Nice to meet you!"

I could see by the way Ichigo was tensed that he was busy thinking. But only I looked at Yachiru, eyes suddenly clouding with an indecipherable fog.

_Kusajishi… _

_Home…_

"Ganju."

Ganju looked up, "Yeah?"

"Take Hanataro and Hazumi and go on ahead. I'll handle things here, somehow. Take care of Rukia."

My lips automatically pulled at his naive words. Take Hazumi?

_Yeah, right._

I wasn't some baggage he could just lug around.

Yachiru suddenly blinked in my general direction, exclaiming, "Zumi-chan!"

Hearing this, my eyes cut over to her, "Yachiru." And this caused Kenpachi to blink, suddenly remembering that I was there- more specifically, on the wrong side of things.

"Old man Yamamoto's lookin' for you, Nagasaki."

And then he broke what little eye contact we shared, grinning back at Ichigo.

"I'm gonna fight you to the death!"

Ichigo's hand was still on his zanpakuto. "GANJU!"

Said moron semi-nodded, grabbing Hanataro and going for me, "Let's go, Hazumi." But something had me rooted to the spot, and I stayed. Looking at Ichigo's back, I suddenly realized something. Something that unsettled me more than it should have, at the time.

That Ichigo could very well die in this situation.

What was it that Reizo-nii had said to me awhile back…?

_No one wants to die alone, Hazumi-chan._

"I suggest you keep your hands to yourself, Ganju."

And even though my voice had a firm ring to it, he still had the audacity to shake his head. "But Ichigo said-!"

"Ichigo's not my keeper, moron. Now get the hell out of here before I make those legs of yours move."

With my words came a spark of_ Reiatsu_- a warning. He blinked, hesitating, but then gave me a leveled look, and ran off. It was like he suddenly remembered I was able to fight if I had to, that I was a Shinigami, despite my passive and elusive behavior.

"Zumi-chan is staying, Ken-chan!"

Kenpachi only grunted, and Yachiru jumped off his shoulder, passing Ichigo in a flash, ending up next to me. "Zumi-chan!"

I spared her a look as she climbed to my shoulder, deciding to cling to my back. "Ken-chan's excited, Zumi-chan!"

He _was_ excited.

My gaze was suddenly warier than before.

"Let's get outa the way, Yachiru."

She merely nodded enthusiastically, _"Yeaaahhh!"_

**-X-**

"This is borrrrinnnnggg~!" I glanced at Yachiru, who was perched on the ledge of the rooftop we had relocated to, her chin in her palms, her elbows on her knees, looking down. As for myself, I was laying down, hands behind my head and knees up.

"What's goin' on down there?"

I didn't need Yachiru to tell me; I could feel both Kenpachi's and Ichigo's _Reiatsu_, and I could judge what was happening from that. But to give Yachiru something to do, why not let her commentate?

"Ichi can't cut Ken-chan! And now he's running like a little mouse!"

_You better get your shit together, Ichigo._

"And now he's standing still!"

I blinked at her unexpected words.

"Why'd he stop?"

"Looks like somethin's wrong with Ichi!"

And then I felt something, something really really faint, but I picked up on it. Someone's reiatsu just dropped to a tiny amount, and I scrunched my brows. Whose was it…?

A flash of that kid came to mind, and I realized it was Ichigo's friend, Chado. Must have lost… I sat up, scratching my head. The only reason I had picked up on that was because I met him, albeit briefly, but still… they didn't call me Vice Kido Chief for nothing. I looked over at Yachiru, who was blissfully unaware of the kid's dilemma, and something struck me.

"Yachiru…"

She turned to look at me, her big pink eyes so… big and innocent. "Yeesss~?"

"Did you say your last name was Kusajishi?"

She blinked, and then smiled real wide. "Yep~!"

"As in the Rukon district?"

Her big smile was still there. "Yeah!"

This had my gaze flying down back to my hands, and I wrung them with a sigh.

I hesitated, "A-Are you from there?"

"Yep! But I don't remember a lot. I was reallllll little when Ken-chan found me!"

Huh. People never ceased to surprise me.

"Are you from there too, Zumi-chan?"

I looked at her big, dark pink eyes, "Yeah."

And that was the end of that conversation. I mean, thoughts still swirled restlessly in my head- memories of my life before the Shinigami Academy and my miscellaneous adventures in the streets. My brothers watching each others' backs, and then mine…

"Look, Zumi-chan, Ichi hit Ken-chan!"

_What? _

I blinked, crawling over to the edge to see for myself. And what do you know, there stood Ichigo, just finishing slicing Kenpachi's chest. I closed my eyes with a heavy breath. It wasn't that I was squeamish, but even the sanest person out there would give an arm and a leg to _not_ watch one of Kenpachi's fights.

"Ken-chan looks real happy."

Well, that was what worried me.

I heard the fight picking up, but I didn't watch. Instead, my mind wandered- much to my chagrin. I didn't normally have the attention span as small as a mouse, but my sudden anxiety over this fight had my mind desperate to find something else to concentrate on.

Like my fragmented family, per say.

What was Hosyu doing? Kenpachi had said Yamamoto had noticed my disappearance, meaning Hosyu would have been notified by now. Boggnamo, too. They couldn't have been too wrapped up in my… disappearance, with this Ryoka problem, though.

But I had to assume that they had been contacted.

_Would they act?_

"Zumi-chan, Zumi-chan!"

I cracked a lid at the small girl, "What?"

She smiled, "Its over."

_Uhm_…

Eyes flying open, I scrambled back over to the ledge- and by no means did I intend to sound cliche when my eyes suddenly expanded to fit the expression, 'eyes wide as saucers.'

There Ichigo lay, on the ground, zanpakuto broken in half, blood spilling from his chest.

"_Oh damn!"_

I heard Yachiru yell at me about my language, but I was already launching myself from the tall building, falling through the air. With my landing came a small _'Oof!'_ and a muttered curse on my part, but I discarded my stupid discomfort. Because the sudden, contrived panting stole my attention. It was Ichigo that was breathing heavily, his blood just oozing, spilling from the corners of his lips.

Kenpachi was walking away, dragging his sword on the ground to create some sort of grating sound.

I hated that sound.

But my eyes were for Kurosaki.

_"Oi, kid!"_

He looked up at me, his tawny eyes panicked.

_"Don't you go dying now! That's just a cheap out!"_

My hands were suddenly hovering over his fallen form, now emanating a dark indigo, and I had to force my tone to keep from becoming too shrill. _"H-Hey! Kurosaki, what the hell are you doing? You can't die!"_

But the boy wasn't looking at me anymore. Instead, he was staring straight ahead, freezing up, causing my heart to skip a beat.

_"O-Oi!"_

"He's dead Nagasaki."

The deep voice floated from over my shoulder, but I didn't turn to gaze at Kenpachi. Said psycho graced me with more words, "Don't even know why yer helpin' him. He's a Ryoka."

I stiffened as I saw more blood drip from the boy's robs.

_No. _

_Why is he_…

_"Do what you think is right."_

I watched the ginger's breathing get shallower by the second.

_"No one should die alone, Hazumi-chan."_

With some trouble and a soiled conscious, I ceased the _Reiatsu_ flow to my hands, not even realizing I was shaking.

Nor did I realize the wetness on my cheeks until a small _plop_ brought my attention to the ground. I just stared at the small drop of water for a few moments, wondering where the hell it came from. And then I realized… it came from me.

I was _crying?_

I couldn't believe it. I had just met this kid yesterday, yet I was _upset_ because he was dying. But… it didn't feel as though I had just met the boy. In fact, I felt a strange sort of companionship had formed between us, a comradeship almost.

My small voice was merely a murmur, _"Y-You're not alone, Kurosaki."_

Kenpachi picked up his walk, turning away. No longer in my line of sight, I discarded the thought of him ever being there.

_Rukia… truly will die now.  
_

At this lone, capricious thought, I jerked back, quite astonished. When had I, realistic and disparaging Hazumi, ever starting hoping? But I knew the answer to that almost immediately. It was because of this kid, right here. The dying one.

_That's what you get, Hazumi. Hoping only brings disappointment._

And then, a pulse.

_Another. _

Eyes snapping open, I could only sense a mere flicker, and I all but dragged my eyes back to Ichigo. But then, a burst of blinding power had my arms flying to cover my face. And lo- Ichigo Kurosaki was standing with his colossal sword over his shoulder, his blue _Reiatsu_ just pouring from his persona.

My black eyes just blinked a few times, finally lifting to take in the sight of the standing boy, who, just seconds ago, was knocking on Death's cold door.

_He's alive_…

Inching back, I realized Ichigo was all eyes and ears for Kenpachi, who had stopped mid-stride in surprise. And then I only caught of a mess of orange hair flying forward, slicing Kenpachi's shoulder, bringing his sword up again, to be dodged by a confound_ Juichibantai _Taicho.

Another slash, and Kenpachi flew back, embedding his sword in the wall to slow down.

"Sorry, but I can't waste time here… I'm gonna have to finish this right away."

I watched Kenpachi grin and laugh, "Finish it right away? I can't have that. It's gotten," he picked his head up, revealing a crazed eye, "_SO DAMN FUN!"_

_Reiatsu_ poured from him, and he flew forward with a maniacal grin stretching his scarred face. I turned my head as Ichigo cut his face, and I missed Kenpachi using his superior swordsmanship, twisting his sword to cut Ichigo. In the midst of this, I somehow found the will to get to my feet, and I used _shunpo_ to get a good distance away.

Kenpachi was ecstatic, shouting now. I just leaned against the wall, suddenly spent. I hadn't even done much, either. _Well, including healing Ichigo, getting a God-awful night's worth of sleep, and trudging through this crazy asshole's Reiatsu like it was some tar field._

I snapped back to the fight when I felt a sudden change in the atmosphere, and I saw Kenpachi reaching for his eye. My eyes widened, and before I knew it, crazy Kenpachi's _Reiatsu_ was overflowing, knocking me over.

_Damnit!_

I had to do something to protect myself. I was going to pass out if exposed for another minute. I shuddered in a breath, struggling to get up, and once I was in a sitting position, I clasped my hands together, creating a bluish glow.

_Com'mon._

My temples pounded.

_Another second-!_

An explosion-!

** "Bakudou 73: Tozansho!"**

Another second later and I would have been out. My breathing was heavy as I watched my _Bakudo_ spell shoot up four bright, blue beams, creating a triangular barrier around me, shielding me from the impending _Reiatsu._

I sighed in relief, but it caught in my throat as I felt my shield waning. I couldn't see through the solid barrier, but something _huge_ was happening, so huge that it was threatening to break down one of my most powerful Kido masses.

_God please no._

…

And then it was over.

I waited a few seconds, just to be cautious, and when I felt nothing more from the two, I let my shield down, watching it dissipate into thin air. The first thing I saw was Ichigo on the ground, y'know, just chillin in his own blood. And Kenpachi was down, too. And then the damage. Whistling lowly, I took a tentative step forward, soon making my way towards the fallen Shinigami.

Yachiru was standing by Kenpachi's side when I stopped walking, staring at the two. Then, she bowed to Ichigo's still form, "_Arigatou!_ Thanks to you Ichi, Ken-chan had a fun fight. It's been a long time since I've seen Ken-chan having that much fun. Honesty, _Arigatou_." She moved around, heaving up Kenpachi.

I blinked in amazement.

"Ichi, if you can, don't die, kay? And if you can, play with Ken-chan again, kay? Please." And she turned to me, "Zumi-chan, don't let Ichi die!"

I only gave a small bob of the head as acknowledgment.

Nodding, the small girl took off in just a pink little blur carrying Kenpachi like he was a sack of potatoes. I watched her go, then slowly fell to my knees to sit beside Ichigo.

I could see his eyes barely open.

"You're not dying- not on my watch."

I saw those tawny eyes of his shift to me, opening his mouth to say something, but it was lost in a groan, and then he was unconscious. I sighed, and this time I gathered as much _Reiatsu_ as I could, my hands emanating a dark blue.

I winced as I felt my _Reiatsu_ leaving me, getting sucked out like a vacuum. But I knew that I couldn't do this half-assed. Ichigo wouldn't last long if I took my time and spent my energy wisely. Closing aa particularly nasty gash on his arm, which had been leaking maroon profusely, I grimaced at the blood that had reached my knees.

I wiped my brow, my sun-kissed hand suddenly shaking.

_Just a bit more._

My energy was waning, and I blinked black for a second, shaking my head.

_A little more, you can do that at least._

_ Don't fail the only hope Rukia's got, idiot!_

By now, I was trembling all over. I didn't have much energy, thanks to a rough night and healing this kid beforehand, and I hadn't completely healed Ichigo, but I was giving him time, and I would give him as much time as I could.

_More!_

I coughed, lips twisting as my throat suddenly felt raw.

I felt as though I couldn't breathe.

_More-!_

And in that split second, my arms dropped to dangle at my sides, and I was swaying where I sat.

My body hit the ground with a dull _thud._

Half-lidded eyes took in Ichigo's form from beside me, and despite myself, I felt my lips curving as I looked at the boy. But my vision was slowly being overridden by black, and I knew that I wasn't going to stay conscious for much longer.

Then, I heard a voice.

I couldn't discern what it was saying, only that it was a man's.

It was close, and that only caused me to make some indiscernible noise in the back of my throat. However, I never did get to vocalize my sudden distress, for it only took seconds for the black to take me under.


	6. Flexibility

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**SEIS:**_

_"Flexibility"_

_

* * *

_Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed

**- Irene Peter**

**

* * *

  
**

He blinked his eyes open, exhaustion reflecting in those bronze orbs.

_'Where am I? I… ain't dead?_

"I see you're awake."

Ichigo looked to his right, where a black cat sat, talking. "Yoruichi-san! …Souka, so you saved me. Arigatou."

The cat blinked its dark green eyes, "Not at all. Thank your own life force that you didn't die from so many wounds, and…" The cat shifted its gaze passed the shinigami, pausing.

Ichigo followed Yoruichi's gaze, eyes widening as they landed on Hazumi's quiet form. Her chest was moving up and down rhythmically, a tan blanket draped over her inert build.

"What happened?"

Yoruichi walked around him, sitting between the two. "I arrived moments after your fight, to find her healing you with advanced kido. Normally, when a shinigami heals another, the patient's reiatsu is replenished first, then the body's reiatsu can work with the healer's reiatsu to heal the patient. However, what Hazumi was doing was totally different and is an outdated healing technique."

Ichigo looked at Hazumi's still figure, her face pinching as she slept.

She looked worn.

"So why is she…"

Yoruichi continued, "She didn't have time to replenish your reiatsu; you would have bled to death. So, she healed you straight from her reiatsu, taking no shortcuts. Instead of her reiatsu coming out green, it came out a dark blue color, signifying that it was hers."

Ichigo blinked, "Did she use too much?"

Yoruichi nodded, "After I got there, she collapsed."

"Souka…"

Yoruichi more or less muttered to herself, "You were lucky she was there Ichigo… your wounds were terrible."

Ichigo looked up to the ceiling, "Wounds… I did get sliced up pretty good…"

Then his eyes widened, "Oh yeah!" He shot up, startling the cat and reopening the slice in his stomach, red tainting the white bandage. "Uhgggahg-!"

"Fool! Why in heaven's name are you moving? Don't you understand the extent to your injuries?!"

The shinigami lifted his head, eyes hard. "Chado's in trouble! I gotta help him!"

Yoruichi jumped on his eyes, knocking him back. "Calm down! Chado will be all right. You wouldn't want Hazumi's efforts to be in vain, would you?!"

Ichigo struggled, holding his eye.

Yoruichi continued, "Inoue and Ishida, too. He was lucky to fight the opponent he got. He sustained wounds, but he's alive. As for Inoue and Ishida, they've slyly avoided enemies and are almost completely uninjured."

She turned around, and Ichigo relaxed. "Oh…"

"So be quiet and rest inside this barrier for awhile."

Ichigo looked back to the ceiling, "You're right…"

* * *

"CLOTHES! PUT ON SOME FREAKIN' CLOTHES!"

_What the hell?_ I groaned, coming to, and just what I wanted to hear? Someone's naked, and Ichigo's freakin out.

_At least he's alive._

I flashed back to healing him, the way he just lay there, motionless and coated with maroon. And I just kept healing him, until I went out like a light.

My eyes fluttered open, and for a minute I just stared at the ceiling, which was some brown color. I moved my eyes to the walls, and I realized I was in some kind of room. A sigh escaped my lips, and the talking ceased.

"Hazumi?"

I looked over to my right, where Ichigo sat, red as a cherry.

I blinked, then looked up, my black eyes expanding, "Yoruichi?!"

She grinned, holding up a hand, "Yo."

I shook my head, and once my shock subsided a brilliant grin graced my lips. "You're here."

She plopped down. "Aa, I am. How are you feeling?"

I yawned, cracking my neck. "Fine, I guess. But what are you doing here?"

So then she explained that she'd been in the living world all this time, and that she had helped Ichigo and his friends break into Seireitei. She had told me they went to see Kukakuu Shiba, and there I learned Ganju was her brother. By the time she was done, I was sitting across from her, beside Ichigo.

"Surely someone has noticed you by now."

She shook her head, smiling that mischievous smile that I had known for years. I'd missed for years. "I've been in my other form. All that noise you just heard was Ichigo seeing a woman's body for the first time."

I snorted in laughter, turning to Ichigo, who was beet red again. He held up his fist, a tick mark forming on his head, "I said it was none of your business!"

"You're more innocent than you let on…"

He grit his teeth, "Shut up!"

I chuckled, he just looked so damn funny when flustered.

Yoruichi tugged on her collar, "Clothes are so confining…"

Ichigo was holding something in his hand, and deciding to go with the safer route, "So basically, you brought us here by using this thing to fly?"

I looked down to his hands, where he was holding a short stick with a skeletal head at the top. Yoruichi stood, placing her hands on her hips, "That's right. It's a precious object, the only one of its kind in all of Seireitei. Impressive, isn't it?"

Ichigo toyed with it in his hands, looking up at our dark-skinned friend, "But… why such a precious object in _your_ possession?"

She blinked.

I bit back a laugh.

"You can transform… You can heal wounds," he shot me a look, "you have precious objects… Yoruichi-san, who in the world are you?" Yoruichi stood there, narrowed her eyes, just a bit.

"That's…"

She didn't finish. A forceful reiatsu startled us all, and my eyes widened.

Another reiatsu flared, and I froze.

Hosyu.

"…him-!"

Yoruichi looked up, "In the direction of the Shrine of Penitence…"

Then, Ichigo bolted, surprising her, but not me. "Matte, Ichigo!"

He turned around, so I didn't see the blood already seeping through his bandages. "Ganju and Hanataro are heading for the Shrine! I'm gonna save them!"

Yoruichi leaned forward, "If you go now in your condition, what can _you_ do?!"

Ichigo fought right back, "If I don't, who's gonna save them?"

I had ambled to the exit during their argument, and I stood there with my hand against the planks enclosing us here.

I couldn't just do nothing.

Just a murmur, "Hadou 31: Shakkahou."

The blast was small, and as the smoke tainted the small area and the wood splinters flew to the ground, I shunpoed off the cliff.

* * *

I didn't know what to make of the scene. Ganju on the ground, broken. Hosyu standing off to the side, a grimace pulling at his lips. Ukitake-Taicho standing by Byakuya Kuchiki, holding him off? The only thing I knew was that things were dangerous. I moistened my lips, compressing them. The shingami hadn't registered my appearance yet; my reiatsu was still concealed. Assessing the situation was always one of my strengths. But I couldn't assess anything right now. Two captains and my brother. Honestly, I didn't know what my brother would do when it came down to confrontation. And that scared me. I thought I knew my brother. I knew he loved me, and I knew he loved his work. But I knew nothing of his decisions. All I knew was that when it came crunch time, Hosyu was as capricious as hell.

And I might not stand a chance.

I looked at Rukia, at her fragility and her big violet eyes.

Something set in then. Something about the way she suddenly looked at me, how her lips formed my name, how her eyes widened when Byakuya inclined his head toward me and Hosyu whirled, I was unsettled. My stomach flipped and I balled my hands. There was my friend. She was going to die. And I wasn't going to just stand around and watch.

My eyes hardened, and I looked at my brother. I could tell by his little movements, how his shoulders heaved and how his fingers unclenched and how his posture relaxed, that he had thought I was dead.

Idiot.

"Hazumi…"

I forced a grin, "Hello brother. How goes?"

He blinked, surprised by my nonchalant antics. Then he knit his brows, and I could tell he was about to give me a mouthful, but Kuchiki cut him off, "Nagasaki."

His tone was always so cold, and I couldn't help but move my eyes to meet his.

And he took a step forward.

I tensed.

He was gone in a blink of an eye.

It all happened so fast.

One second he was there, and the next he's behind me, his sword drawn and thwarted against a round yellow shield.

He narrowed his eyes, "Your lips were moving before I moved."

True. Albeit very difficult, using that Bakudou spell so quickly, and after I used so much energy with Ichigo. My shield was waning, his sword pushing down, more and more pressure.

And then, there was this force, so strong.

The pressure was crushing, and I gasped as my shield cracked.

Of course, leave it to Ichigo to make a grand entrance.

Ukitake gaped, and Hosyu fixed on him with a pensive look. The ginger landed right in front of Rukia, walked right by her, and asked Hanataro if he was alright. I would have called him an idiot if Kuchiki's sword wasn't bearing down on me. They had their little moment, and I grit my teeth from the force Kuchiki was putting behind his stupid attack.

Then, my shield shattered, and I barely dodged Kuchiki's sword as it came down, just nicking my cheek. I didn't anticipate him to pivot, flicking his wrist and bringing his sword across my arm, creating a nasty little cut. I jumped back, holding my arm and trying to stop the blood. Red seeped through the cracks in my fingers despite my attempt, and I grimaced, looking up.

Byakuya now had his gaze fixed on Ichigo, and I ground my jaw, irked that he would just turn his back that easily. "Do not move, Nagasaki. I have orders to apprehend you."

My eyebrow twitched, but I stayed quiet.

"Hazumi! What the hell are you doing here?!"

I grimaced, mimicking Ichigo with a disgruntled spat, "'What are you doing here?' What's it look like, you nimrod! What are YOU doing here, you're all torn up!"

He rolled his brown eyes, "I'm here to save Rukia!" And then he fixed his gaze on Kuchiki, "After I beat him."

Rukia objected, and Ichigo turned around, "From this point on, _all_ your opinions are rejected! Got that, dumbass?!"

I snorted in laughter.

"Hazumi…"

I lifted my head, my black eyes wavering.

"Hosyu."

And I gave a weak chuckle, "You going to arrest me now?"

He frowned, "You're an idiot."

I just scoffed, "I could say the same about you. If you didn't arrive here, we wouldn't have this conflict of interest. Thus, one of us wouldn't be punished."

He rolled his green eyes, "There's no conflict of interest, dobe."

I looked down at my hands, which were stained with red.

I had given up on putting pressure on my wound. It was just a nuisance, anyways.

"You remember that time when you me and Reizo made cherry pies?"

There was a pause, a sudden stillness between us. Then, "Yeah. You couldn't bake worth shit. Then we just went to the booth and stole some."

I barked a weak laugh as the memories flooded my mind. We were ignoring the fight going on around. It was just us two, and Reizo's memory. And then tears welled up in my eyes. Maybe it was from the stress and adrenaline from the past couple days, just building up. Maybe it was because my search for my older brother was fruitless. For any reason, I started sobbing, and I put my head in my heads. My frame wracked, and I felt Hosyu put a hand on my shoulder. An awkward hand, but nonetheless, it was a gesture showing he cared. As much as he hated talking about Reizo, he would always be there.

I wiped my face on my robes, sniveling. "I'm such a fucking mess."

Hosyu sighed, "And you're in a fucking mess, too. I mean really, what were you thinking, Hazumi?"

It seems Hosyu was asking that question a lot, lately.

But I never got the chance to respond. Because then, I heard something so chilling that I snapped my head up, watching in horror as Byakuya released his shikai.

"Scatter…"

However, he never finished. Because my favorite Covert ops Commander landed with a graceful _thud_, effectively silencing his technique and shocking pretty much anyone in the vicinity.

"Shihouin Yoruichi." Byakuya's lips were still moving, but I blanked.

Yoruichi was here. She was going to take Ichigo back.

She had plans for him.

I wasn't stupid; I knew Yoruichi. I'd known her for a long time.

"A surprise, to have the former Supreme Commander of Cover Ops and current Vice Kido Chief in the same vicinity after so long."

I saw Ichigo stiffen, but he didn't look back. He was shocked to hear Yoruichi's title. I wasn't surprised when Yoruichi shunpoed to Ichigo, slamming her flat palm into his wounds.

_Sedating him. Smart, you sly cat._

Ichigo fell forward, and Yoruichi caught him.

Commence shunpo challenge between Byakuya and Yoruichi. I watched her go, and she never ceased to amaze me with her talent. I watched her use a technique called Utsusemi, making Kuchiki think he hit her, but then she was on his arm, speaking. And then she was atop a roof.

_Just never stops, moving, huh._

"Three days. Within three days I will make this boy stronger than you. Selfish as it may be, until then, we will take leave from the fight."

She subtly gave me a look. I set my jaw, compressing my lips. Giving a cut nod, I slowly rose from my kneeling position. I had to get the hell out of here.

Byakuya turned, conveniently disinterested now that she disappeared, and set his glacial gaze on me.

I had to talk, just for a minute.

I had a plan. But it needed just another minute.

"Too bad, Kuchiki. Would have been nice to apprehend the Ryoka now, huh."

He stepped towards me, and I grinned, "You sweating yet, Kuchiki Byakuya?"

He narrowed his unfeeling eyes, approaching slowly. Rukia looked at me with wide eyes, clearly thinking I had gone insane. Maybe I had, if I was willing to risk everything.

I reached into my robes, grasping my insignia. Times like these were when I needed it most.

…It rarely got to that point.

"I thought you knew by now, Kuchiki."

He was still a distance away.

"Never make assumptions."

And I leaked my reiatsu into my insignia, triggering the spell I had placed on it.

I released a crumbling sense of reiatsu, probably rivaling Kenpachi's. Almost immediately I saw Rukia fall to her knees, and Byakuya's eyes widen, drawing his sword and coming at me.

I murmured, "See you around, Hosyu."

And then I clapped my hands together, separating them and forming a green triangular prism.

I took a breath, then, "**Kūkanten'i.**"

And I was gone.

* * *

**( H O S Y U )**

I watched as my sister taunted Kuchiki.

I watched her eyes gleam with uneasiness, her lips compress into a tight line.

Something was ticking in that head of hers.

Then she released her reiatsu, making me choke, just for a second. What the hell was this?!

I grunted, forcing myself to stand.

But I knew I was slouching.

I heard her just murmur, "See you around, Hosyu."

I gave her a look, and I didn't really know what it was composed of. She just turned her head from me, her eyes glued in front of her. She clapped her hands together and created some kind of prism, inhaled a deep breath, and breathed, "**Kūkanten'i.**"

My eyes widened as the air shifted around her, the ground under her radiating a green light, and then it shot up, totally engulfing her, and I lost sight of her. The beam shot up in the air, shoving the clouds to the side with its intense pressure. And when it finally dissipated, my sister was gone.

My eyes were wide with shock.

She just…

_Oh my God._

And in that moment, I no longer saw my sister as the girl who always fell behind.

I knew she felt she was weaker, too.

But now I knew. I knew she wasn't as weak as I always thought she had been. I had underestimated her. I had doubted her up until the point of even questioning if she was worthy enough of her position as Vice Kido Chief. But when I felt her arrive here, behind me, watching, analyzing, waiting, I knew she wasn't all up to par. I could feel her energy waning, and then I knew; she had used a good chunk of her reiatsu already. But she had taken on Kuchiki anyways. And now she had used some sort of… insane technique, getting outa her only slightly scathed.

And for what?

My eyes strayed to Kuchiki, Rukia, who was now slouched over, panting.

For her.

_"You should have seen them, Hosyu. Those runts really pulled through!"_

She adored her subordinates.

I balled my hands into fists and I looked over at Ukitake, who had the most bewildered expression. "Ukitake-Taicho…?"

He blinked, shifting his gaze to me. "Oh, Hosyu-san! Souka, you were here to see Hazumi-san."

I slightly nodded. That was partial truth. I wanted to make sure she wasn't going to do anything stupid, like say… get herself killed.

Well, she had done something stupid alright.

"I didn't know she knew such techniques, Hosyu-san." Ukitake's voice was grave, and my emerald eyes flicked to his brown ones, "Neither did I, sir."

And I turned around. I had nothing more to do here. "I guess we can never truly know a person."

I didn't turn around to gauge his reaction.

I just let that bitter grimace slip onto my face, my eyes flood with contempt.

_Your ways have rubbed off on her, Reizo._

_

* * *

_

**( H A Z U M I )**

I had broken a rule. My former teacher would be… mildly displeased with me.

I looked up at the orange sky, seeking solace.

…I wouldn't get any.

What I had done back there… It was utterly stupid.

I had used a forbidden Kido spell.

And nobody was to blame but me.

Ah well, everybody needed a bit of healthy flexibility in their lives, right?

_"Only use these when you think it is right, Hazumi."_

He had told me that.

I thought it was right. I felt right.

But I still felt like I had failed.

I hadn't gotten any closer to Rukia.

But… somehow that wasn't true. I had seen her. I had seen that she had lost weight, her bony frame trembling in such strong reiatsu. But she had given me a look of strength. And I had made a silent promise, and it seemed she understood.

Now I was inside my barracks, still operating on the bottled energy I had used to cast that spell. I released it, and now I needed gather myself, organize some things. I moved quickly through the halls, and I finally reached my door. I opened it, slipping inside and going straight to my desk, my paperwork cleared and pictures facedown.

I had done that.

I grabbed a few files from my desk, and I grabbed clothes from my closet.

Was this all?

…No. I reached into my drawer, producing a small sphere, and I pocketed it. Just as I turned to the door, I froze.

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to meet aged brown eyes.

"Nagasaki."

I cleared my throat, "Hello, Boggnamo-Taicho."

He leaned on his cane, scrutinizing me.

He took in my disheveled appearance, the gash on my arm, which wasn't that small now that I realized it.

"You know what you're doing."

I averted my gaze, speaking quietly, "Yes sir."

He was silent for a long time. I thought he was going to put some sort of Bakudou spell on me, but he just stepped aside. I took a step, then another, and just as I passed him, he slipped something into my hand.

Confused, I looked down, reading a file with the words **'Confidential'** written on it. I shot Boggnamo a querying look, but he just shook his head.

"You'll know what to do. Maybe you can discover something about yourself."

Still confused, I slowly nodded, taking another step.

Boggnamo always liked to preach ambiguous crap.

So I left.

Left my captain. Left everything material that I knew.

* * *

**Geez. So, I love Bleach wiki. Yes, I know wikipedia can be sometimes unreliable, but it's helped me a bunch.**

**Thoughts?**

**How do you like the OC? Her brother? Her captain?  
**


	7. A Breakthrough

**Gah! I apologize for the time it took me to update. Busy busy busy!**

**But I'll try to get the next one in sooner.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**SIETE:**_

_"A Breakthrough"_

_

* * *

_

One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition.

**-Alvin Toffler**

**

* * *

**

I had always thought myself as a more or less passive person.

I didn't get worked up over much, and I went through the motions of my life in steps. I worked hard some days, didn't bother with it on others. I drank almost everyday, and I more or less followed orders. But now, as I sat hunched over an assortment of papers, I found myself feeling very, very angry. I wanted to hit something.

Why this anger?

These little documents Boggnamo had given me stated facts that should have been given to me years ago, decades ago. I had finished reading these papers about two hours passed, and there I sat, brooding over my misfortune and stewing in my ill temper.

Ichigo and Yoruichi had been easy to ignore.

Quite frankly, I don't think they cared if I eschewed them as the plague, as long as the new shinigami got his training done. He was getting closer to his goal, I could sense it.

…Was I getting any closer to mine?

"Oi, you've been sitting there for a long time, Hazumi, what's goin on?"

Speak of the devil.

I lifted my black orbs, meeting tawny. I could feel the growth of his reiatsu, his determination. It was virtually palpable.

"I'm thinking, Ichigo. I know it doesn't come easy to you, but some actually use this thing called the brain."

He scowled, stabbing his sword into the ground and leaning on it. Guess he was done for the day.

"About…?"

I shrugged him off, "Important things."

"Such as?"

"Shinigami affairs."

"Which include?"

"Not you."

He snorted, plopping down beside me and leaning back against the rough boulder. It was quiet for a few moments, and I enjoyed the still atmosphere. Times like these I remembered Reizo and me, the older versions of us. He was calm and quiet and authoritarian-like. I was the bombshell. He used to take me to the cliffs and just relax. He taught me how to appreciate silence.

Then Ichigo ruined it, "Who are you?"

I didn't skip a beat. "You know who I am."

I wasn't going to have this conversation with him. He had heard on the bridge; he knew all he needed to. Just a name, face, and a title. No more depth. It would all be over soon, anyways.

"Vice Kido Chief…"

I nodded absently, setting the documents down and rubbing my sore eyes.

"You're strong."

He wasn't asking. Just trying to confirm?

…I'll let you stew, Kurosaki.

"Whatever rocks your boat, Ichigo."

I felt his gaze on me, burning, scrutinizing. I hated being analyzed. It made me uncomfortable and nervous.

What if he found something he didn't like?

…Who cares if he doesn't like a part of me?

_Well shit. I care. _

Sighing, I rubbed my face with my hands, "I had a brother once, you know."

Where did _that_ come from…?

He blinked, "Had…?"

I nodded, frowning at myself. What the hell was wrong with me?

I… _wanted _to share?

"Yeah."

And I found myself telling him about my two siblings and how we lived the crummy life. How Reizo was the eldest and smartest (to me, at least) and bravest and clever and serious, and how Hosyu likes to goof around but is really good with his work. How I see him almost everyday and we drink together and he tries to set me up and he sleeps around. "He bitches about everything, too. I don't think you'd like him much."

Ichigo was just there, listening with his brows pulled, eyes intent. It was like he could listen for hours. "Then Reizo went missing, about… well, over a century ago. I'm still looking, of course-" and there I stopped.

I swallowed something thick, and my throat tightened considerably. How many times had I talked about Reizo, and not once had I gotten choked up? And here I was, now getting upset, after so long. Jesus.

I tightened my eyes, "Hosyu doesn't like it. He says it's a waste. He wants me to give it up."

Here I lifted my gaze from the ground, meeting his eyes. "But I can't. I _just_… can't. You _don't_ give up on family, Ichigo."

My eyes wavered, and I looked back down at my hands, lips tipping. I cringed away from him, suddenly so insecure and small. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want to be branded as weak. Was I weak, for clinging to my brother after so many years? Should I have just let it go, like Hosyu said?

Then Ichigo said something, so surprising and so quiet that I thought I had imagined it. "I'll help you find him."

I blinked up at him, taking a minute to register what he had just said. "…Come again?"

He rolled his eyes, "Do I need to spell it out for you? I said I'll help you find him, idiot."

_If there's anything left to find. _

I shook my head, a little roughly, as if I could simply shake the thoughts out. "I couldn't ask you to do that."

He scoffed, "You're not asking. I'm telling."

I snorted a laugh, wringing my hands. "It's not that simple, Ichigo," I said softly.

He scowled, looking away, "I know."

It seemed that scowl was always painted on his face, like it was his signature expression.

Almost made me laugh.

"Why'd you stay?"

I popped my fingers, watching the shinigami wait for my answer.

I understood what he meant. Why did I stay and decide to help Rukia?

Why would I risk everything?

_Why did I stay, huh?_

My lips quirked despite my fragile mood, "Rukia's got other friends, you know. You're not the only one unhappy with the turn of events."

He looked at me for a minute, like he was gauging my expression, just watching, and then his lips turned, ever so slightly. He didn't look so bad, with that half smile. I made my way to my feet, stretching and gathering myself. "You should smile more often, Ichigo. You wouldn't look like you have to shit all the time, with all the strain your face goes through."

I started to walk away, giving myself a small smile, and a few seconds later I heard him jump up, "OI, WHO YOU CALLING SHITFACE?!"

* * *

"Getting your reserves back together?" Yoruichi stood next to my seated form, arms crossed, studying me.

I nodded absently, sticking my tongue out the side of my mouth in concentration. Because I used my reserve reiatsu when using the forbidden kido technique to escape Byakuya Kuchiki, I was gathering my reserves with a little sphere I had grabbed in my office the night before. The sphere helped my focus, and I watched as a dark blue substance swirled around the little ball, entering it in a smooth fashion, darkening the color as it slid it. I held it in my palm for a little longer, then relaxed, letting my hand go limp and fall to the ground.

There.

Yoruichi whistled lowly, "I haven't seen that in awhile. You still use old school techniques, huh."

I smiled ruefully, thinking about the good old days. So what if my techniques were a little outdated? I had what I had. I stood, popping my joints and cracking my neck, sighing.

There were so many things to do. And I didn't have much time.

"I trust your training with Ichigo almost complete?"

Yoruichi gave me a look, "Yes. Why?"

I turned my head, watching Ichigo with his zanpakuto. God, he was getting strong.

I looked away as my throat tightened, "Because it seems it's my time to go."

Yoruichi was silent, just staring at me with her leveled gaze, calm and cool. "It's about Reizo."

I cleared my throat, nodding. "Something's up. At first, I thought it was just my imagination. But it's not. For whatever reason he disappeared… the answer's in Seireitei. Somewhere. I'm going to find it, Yoruichi."

She slowly nodded, "And I can't stop you. But what about Kuchiki?"

My lips tightened, and I turned.

Rukia. She would be okay with Ichigo. "I'll be there."

Yoruichi didn't say anything for a few moments.

She knew I didn't plan on it.

She knew my agenda would help in the end.

I started to walk away. Yeah, Rukia's execution was important to me.

But Ichigo wouldn't let her die.

And I wouldn't let them die.

But Reizo's disappearance was so close. I had to confront it. I couldn't run away. I would be damned if I ran away.

All these years of searching. It was coming to an end.

"No goodbyes?"

I threw her a glance over my shoulder, offering a forced grin. "I was never good at those anyways. You know that."

* * *

Yoruichi approached Ichigo, her gaze set.

The boy was getting stronger. Just a little longer.

"That's enough for now, Ichigo. Get some rest. You're no use to us half dead."

He was breathing heavily, and he stabbed his sword into the ground, grimacing. "Yeah yeah." He looked around, swallowing. Beads of sweat were running down the side of his face, and he looked in his element.

By God, he was actually growing. Of course he would. He would reach Bankai and—

"Where's Hazumi?"

Yoruichi blinked, turning back to Ichigo. "She's gone."

Ichigo stilled, "What?"

Yoruichi sighed, shaking her head. "No need to be concerned. She's a strong woman, Ichigo. You forget she's been alive for centuries."

And she grew up in the slums, fighting for all she was worth. She was a scrapper.

Ichigo cleared his throat, turning his gaze, "I'm not worried. I just thought she was going to help with Rukia," he grabbed his sword, "but if she's just going to leave, then that's fine. I'll do it myself."

Yoruichi's eyes tightened, "She hasn't abandoned you, Ichigo. I imagine she's helping us a great deal. So stop your bellyaching. She wouldn't leave us after all she's done."

She turned, walking away. Ichigo looked at the ground, frowning.

Why would Hazumi leave, just like that?

_"Rukia's got other friends, you know. You're not the only one unhappy with the turn of events."_

She had said that so sure, so confident. No, she wouldn't abandon Rukia.

But what the hell was she doing?

_"I'd never abandon him, Ichigo. I can feel it. Reizo's close. Maybe it's tied in with all of this. Maybe not. But I'm going to find out."_

That's what she had said. She had sounded so dedicated.

She loved her brother.

Ichigo sighed. She's better not get herself killed.

She was just one more thing to worry about.

Ichigo blinked, startled. Since when did he start worrying about what Hazumi did? Since when did he start worrying about _Hazumi_?

But he knew.

When she had just hopped into the picture.

When she had saved his life.

He cared.

And he'd be damned if he got her killed.

* * *

Jump.

Left right. Swing.

God, this was taking forever.

I had forgotten how tight security was.

And it had been forever since I had last used my zanpakuto.

Kuria-Dei wasn't pleased with me, but I couldn't soothe her now. I needed to soothe myself.

Left swing.

Bingo! I rushed through the doors, heaving quick breaths as I sheathed my sword, flicking my gaze around. Seireitei was in a haze of panic. Aizen had died. Well, was murdered. But it wasn't right. Who would kill him? Him, one of the most amiable captains of the Gotei 13?

Him… His reiatsu was the one I had felt. I was sure of it. And that night when I was knocked out, sure I was hammered, but I remembered clearly. His reiatsu. And another.

They were mixed.

Clever, but not enough.

And surely they knew that.

_I'm getting closer, Reizo. Just hold on._

_

* * *

_

"Sir, Nagasaki Hazumi has been spotted near the Shrine of Penitence, and is moving quickly. Waiting for orders!"

Hosyu sighed, rubbing his brow. Dammit.

"Where was she headed?"

"Central 46 chambers, sir."

Shit. She's onto something.

Hosyu stood, emerald eyes wary, mouth a tight line.

She was going to get herself killed.

Why couldn't she just leave it alone?

Reizo was gone. Hosyu knew for a fact he wasn't coming back.

Maybe he should have told Hazumi what had happened?

No. She would never forgive him.

She wouldn't forgive either of her brothers.

Hosyu had failed. And Reizo was just a prick.

No, let her believe Reizo was the greatest; let her stay in that illusion. She was comfortable. Hosyu would just have to stop her.

And pray to God he got to Central 46 before she did.

* * *

My breathing was heavy now. I knew it was smart to wait, but I couldn't.

That technique I had used had drained me. I was better, but not at one hundred percent.

But that was just fine. I needed to take action. Reizo was close.

And there I was.

Central 46.

They knew everything. They controlled everything.

They withheld information if necessary.

I unsheathed my sword, compressing my lips. I was crazy if I was really about to do this. But it had to be done. I had always known Central 46 had the most power in Seireitei. I had always known they could withhold things if they thought it was for the 'greater good.'

And I had always known, deep down, that Reizo was connected to Central 46.

He was as dedicated as they come. He knew everything.

There had to be something here.

**_It doesn't feel right, Hazumi._**

Kuria-Dei always tried to talk sense into me. Of course she understood how I felt about my brother; she was part of my soul. But that didn't mean she agreed. She wanted me to get on with my life. She wanted more for me.

I was fine where I was.

_I'm sorry, but this is what I need._

This is what I needed all my adult life.

To find my brother. To put his soul at peace.

To rest this Goddamn confusion.

And I knew it was here.

**_I'll always disagree with you, it seems. But I'll never abandon you. You've had enough of that._**

I didn't respond to that.

"I can't let you go in there, Hazumi."

I turned slowly, lifting my gaze to meet emerald.

Stiffening, "What are you going on about, Hosyu?"

He just stood there casually, arms crossed, leaning on his left leg, like always. But I could see the threat. He was serious. What was wrong? Why didn't he want me in there?

I scrunched my brows, black eyes squinting.

He just sighed, looking to the side. He seemed to be mulling something over. Then he looked back, and for the first time, I didn't recognize who was staring back at me. If I hadn't spent so many years with Hosyu, I would have never guessed that was my brother standing before me. His emerald eyes were stony, hard. His mouth was tipped into a deep frown. His whole demeanor had changed. I had never seen him so serious, so professional.

It made chills run up my spine, seeing him stare at me with those unfeeling eyes.

And he drew his sword.

"I won't allow you to go in there."

And he came at me.


	8. Collide

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

  
_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**OCHO:**_

_"Collide"  
_

_

* * *

_

A brother is a friend given by Nature

**- Jean Baptiste Legouve**

* * *

I held my arm out, swinging my sword up to block my face, just in time to counter Hosyu.

He struck again, swinging from the ground, going so fast. I pivoted, turning on my heel and slicing through air.

He was gone.

Up!

I blocked his attack from above, face pinching. He was good with a sword. And I hadn't used mine in twelve years. His attacks were forceful, brutal, and his face showed nothing. His eyes were stone. Cold. He just kept swinging, making me take steps back, staying on the defensive.

What the hell?

Why was my brother doing this? Just to keep me out of Central 46? __

_**No.**_

_Kuria-Dei…_

He came down again, and I grunted in effort, holding up my sword underhanded.

"What the hell, Hosyu?!"

I shoved him back, catching my breath, watching him. He wasn't expressing anything. Just determination. Just that intimidating rigidness that I had always overlooked. He spoke again, "I cannot allow you to go in there, Hazumi."

And he was gone in a flash.

Okay, screw this.

He was at my right; I could feel him.

Dodge!

I dove to the left, rolling away from Hosyu's attack, which splintered the ground, causing dust and rubble to rise. My breathing was already heavy. He was actually starting to piss me off. He was coming at me again, but I wasn't going to stand for this anymore.

Closer.

He was right there-!

"**Bakudō 62: ****Hyapporankan!**"

The rods formed around me, and I chucked the one in my hand at him. His green eyes widened, and he dodged, but I just kept hurling them. One caught his arm, sending him flying back, and I took advantage of the moment.

I flashed in front of him, bringing my sword down to cut—!

And his sword ripped flesh.

I choked out a desperate sound, gasping in pain, shunpoing away before he could land another hit. I landed a few yards away, heaving, holding my side. 

_That bastard_. He actually cut me.

I grimaced, staggering on my feet, holding myself up. Blood spilled to the ground.

My blood.

Hosyu just stood there, his expression now torn. He looked as if he were in pain. Good. I coughed out a chuckle, "You going to kill me, brother?"

His eyes softened for a moment, and his lips were pulled in a deep frown. "You know I would never, Hazumi."

I snorted derisively, keeping my hand on my side. It was bleeding pretty fast, and it hurt like a mother. "Then are we at a stalemate?"

And then his eyes were back to that unfeeling mode, making my heart wrench in pain. He wasn't going to stop. His grip tightened on his sword, and he tensed again, ready. My face crumpled, and my voice was just above a whisper, "What's in there that I don't need to see, Hosyu?"

He was gone again.

I held up my sword as he went for a full frontal attack, just hitting and hitting with brute force, his mask of nothingness tight in place, making my eyes water. This wasn't my brother. This wasn't the Hosyu that I knew and loved. He shoved me back with unthinking force, making me crash into a nearby pillar. I heard him cry out in frustration, but I couldn't register much. I was so dizzy. There was something thick and wet running down the side of my face. My side was screaming in pain. But I made my way to my feet, swaying.

I couldn't stop now.

Finding Reizo was a priority.

Something concerning him was somewhere behind that door.

I would bring him home. Reizo was coming home.

I looked straight at Hosyu, watched him wrestle with that mask and failing to keep the emotion off his face. He spoke to me, voice breaking, "Don't do this, Hazumi. I'm doing this for your own good."

My grip on Kuria-Dei tightened, and I managed a sneer. "I'm tired of you protecting me, Hosyu. I'm not weak anymore."

I brought my sword up, readying myself. It had been so long since I had released Kuria-Dei.

Hosyu looked at me warily, faltering.

He knew.

I saw him swallow thickly, ready himself. He looked me in the eye, his emerald orbs wavering. His voice was soft, "I know."

I cleared my throat, holding out Kuria-Dei in a spin.

Steady. Breathe.

**"Ravage, Kuria-Dei." _(1)_  
**

**

* * *

**

Ichigo's head snapped up, eyes widening as he recognized the burst of reiatsu.

He whirled around, watching the dark blue substance rocket into the sky, feeling the desperation of whom it belonged to.

_Hazumi…_

"It's time, Ichigo."

His eyes were glued to that spot, lips tugged in a frown. That sudden blast. He was unnerved by it, so much that he couldn't tear his gaze away. So much anxiety and despair came from that direction, it was almost tangible. Hell, he could almost taste the bitterness of the energy.

Yoruichi, too, was staring in the direction of which the reiatsu was peeling off, branching, weaker and weaker. Something was wrong. But she couldn't stop it. Hazumi had made her decision. Yoruichi had a job to do.

"Ichigo." Ichigo tore his gaze away from Hazumi's reiatsu, nodding.

Hazumi would be alright. She'd come through. Whoever she was fighting, she could take them.

But that reiatsu… there was something desperate about it.

He shook his head, pushing the thought away. He had to go save Rukia.

That's why he was there.

He couldn't worry about Hazumi.

She would live. She couldn't die.

She was too stable. She was a rock. A wall, always offering, never taking. She never once asked for anything. Surely she wouldn't want him to help now. She would probably hate him. After all, this was execution day. He had to move.

With one last glance at the reiatsu, Ichigo turned, flashing away.

_Don't you dare die on me, Hazumi._

_

* * *

_

"I haven't seen your released zanpakuto in a long time, sis."

I shoved Hosyu back, breathing heavily. More blood spilled.

A puddle had formed now. It dripped from my hands, where I had been gripping Kuria-Dei. It spilled from my side, leaked from the cuts on my face, dripped from Hosyu's arm. God, I hated it.

I grunted, going forward again. Hosyu dodged, maneuvering his sword sideways, giving me only a second to jump back, the tip of his blade just nicking my cheek. I shuddered in a breath, "It's not easy to release, Hosyu," my face twisted in pain, "after all, I was always weaker."

He swore under his breath, coming at me. It was getting more difficult to move, more difficult to breathe. How much longer? I narrowed my black eyes, spiking my reiatsu. Hosyu backed off, green eyes also narrowed.

"Let's get this rolling, Nee-san."

He gave a curt nod, holding out his zanpakuto, **"Shred, Mie!" _(2)_**

Branches sprouted out from the edge of his blade, flying at me, poised. I held up Kuria-Dei, "**Guraindo.**" _**(3)**_

The branches of his zanpakuto halted, jerking erratically, shattering.

I flew at him, going offensive. He was having trouble, I realized.

He couldn't use his left arm as well as his right.

I faked right, causing him to block, and it gave me space to poise my finger right over his chest, and his green eyes widened as he realized his mistake.

**"Hadō 4: Byakurai." **The white light surged from my finger, going straight through my brother, leaving a clean hole, and he staggered back, looking at me with incredulous eyes.

I stepped back, coughing, once, twice, hacking, dropping my sword to regain my breath.

Blood spilled from my brother's chest, and he stood there, zanpakuto loose in his hand, gasping in air. I could hear the blood splash onto the ground, both from me and Hosyu's wounds, and I winced, staggering.

His sword clattered to the ground, and I lifted my gaze, watching him. "Hazumi…"

I pulled a face, watching the emotion flicker on his face. I inched closer to him, lips twisting. "I'm going in there, Hosyu. You can't stop me."

I was in front of him now. Ignore the pain.

Ignore it, dammit.

Hosyu cracked a wry smile, "Guess I can't stop you. I got my ass handed to me." He stopped to cough, swaying.

I didn't steady him. I didn't proffer any assistance.

He noted this. "Forgive me, Hazumi."

And he fell.

His eyes were closed, and his expression was still painful, even unconscious. A part of me crumbled inside. But I stepped over him, making my way through the passage.

Nothing could stop me.

* * *

I could feel the power of the Soukyoku from here.

It was crushing, immense, searing.

And I couldn't imagine how Rukia was feeling right now. I could barely feel anything aside from the pain. My heart was squeezing with each thump, and my throat felt so tight. I had to stop walking, lean against the wall for support. My side was oozing blood, but I wasn't concerned. The pain was coming from inside. I felt that I _had_ to stop in order to continue. My lungs were heavy; and finally my eyes welled, tears splashing over.

If the Soukyoku was released, Rukia was a goner.

Ichigo didn't stand a chance.

A sob escaped my throat, and I covered my face with my hands, pushing off the wall and stumbling down the hall.

I had to move.

No use just standing there.

Rukia… _No. _

Think about her later.

Reizo is close.

I could feel it.

Close it out. Just breathe.

You're here, I know you are.

I _will _find you, brother.

* * *

It felt like hours that I had been running down these halls.

Running, and not finding a thing. No, that wasn't true.

No, I had not found the main chambers where the forty sages and six judges gathered and convicted, but I had found a green room full of paperwork. And there I stayed, tearing through files as if I were looking for the Holy Grail. My brother had been taken to Central 46 one hundred and ten years ago. That much I had gathered.

But everything else was gone.

Totally erased.

His files were gone. Just gone.

And now I was running again.

There!

There was a long passage, and then an opening.

A room on a lower level. That had to be it.

Closer, closer!

I skidded to a stop, leaning in the doorway.

And I stilled, black orbs widening.

What… What the hell?

My stomach gave a sickening lurch, and I turned my head away, breathing heavily.

How…?

Dead.

They were all dead, I realized numbly.

I felt something shift just then, but I couldn't place what it was.

My head was in a haze. Central 46, gone.

Murdered. No, butchered.

And their bodies were left here. Left here for someone to find. I barely registered walking down the steps into the chamber, stopping at the beginning of the circle. These wise people, the ones who ruled Seireitei and judged and convicted and prosecuted. Dead.

Just… dead.

And then I felt something. Actually, a few things. One of them was Ichigo's reiatsu. God, I could feel it from here.

Strong.

Oh. He had reached Bankai.

I looked down at my shaking hands, knees buckling, and landing on my shins, legs pulled under me.

I felt so weak, so discombobulated and dizzy and weak. I had lost a lot of blood. Why hadn't I taken care of that?

Oh well, I thought.

Ichigo was alive. And Rukia was, I realized. I could feel her reiatsu, her life force. Faintly, but I was sure. And Ichigo was alive, fighting. And winning. His reiatsu was different, a shade darker, and I tried to fight through the haze that threatened to clog my mind. It was dark and inky and nasty. Suffocating. But he was alive. Good.

My hands clenched as I lifted my head, black eyes exhausted.

I couldn't stop here.

But what was I supposed to do now?

My lead on Reizo. Gone.

I closed my eyes slowly, letting the pain wash over me.

My face crumpled, but I couldn't bring myself to cry. It would feel so good right now, just letting go. But the tears wouldn't come.

Instead I lay down, laying my head on the cool, hollow floor. In this hollow room, full of death and darkness. Full of answers I would never find. Finding myself feeling very, very hollow.

So empty. I waited for the darkness to come.

But I didn't receive that kind of mercy.

* * *

He couldn't feel her reiatsu.

There Ichigo sat, staring into the distance, face twisting.

God, if he could just heal faster…

Inoue had taken to patching up his wounds, and everybody was there, alive. Ishida, Chado, Ganju… but not Hazumi. And he couldn't feel her. His hands fisted, and his brows pulled sharply. 

_Dammit._

Why couldn't he feel her? She wasn't… she couldn't be… No. He refused to believe she had just… He couldn't even think it. It was only because of her that he was there. She had saved his life, more than once. She had healed him, she had risked everything. Her job, her position, her status. Hell, she was the Vice Kido Chief. That even sounded important. And she had used her title to her advantage, helping. Helping him, Rukia.

_"I had a brother once, you know." _

Her brother.

And what had she gained?

"Is something wrong, Kurosaki-kun?"

Ichigo turned his head to meet concerned grey eyes.

Inoue's brows were pulled, studying him. Of course she would notice. Inoue was sensitive… sometimes.

He turned his gaze back to the cliff, swallowing slightly, "No, Inoue. Everything's fine."

No. Everything was wrong.

Hazumi wasn't supposed to _die._

_

* * *

_

**(1) **Her zanpakuto's name, Kuria-Dei, is my amateur translation of 'Clear Day'

**(2) **'Triple Branch'

**(3) **'Grind' One of her attacks.

**Her zanpakuto will be explained a little better later, I apologize. I kinda just threw it in there, and I realize you may be a little lost. Maybe. After all, she didn't carry her sword at all until last chapter. **


	9. It's Always Raining

**Thank you, my reviewers! You're awesome. Fantastic. All around good people.  
**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**NUEVE:**_

_"It's Always Raining"_

_

* * *

_

Betrayal is the only truth that sticks

**- Arthur Miller**

* * *

_It was raining. _

_Waves crashed against the planks of the wooden docks, and thunder clapped in the distance. There was an ocean in front of me, a vast sea stretching on for miles and miles. So blue and violent._

_ I was standing on a dock, alone. Just this one dock. All the others were so far away. Everything was far away. And this stupid rain was soaking me. The skies were grey and black, splotched and ugly. And the rain was just pouring. _

_**"It's always raining."**_

_I turned slightly, meeting big ice-blue eyes watching me, open and gentle. _

_Kuria-Dei. She stood a distance away, but I could see her perfectly fine. She looked just as I remembered. Short in stature, jet black hair resting on her shoulders and those soft bright eyes careful, wearing just a plain white kimono and feet bare. Simple, gentle, and clean. All these years, and the same description came to mind. _

_I looked back out to the ocean, watching the whitecaps on the waves, fizzing and exploding, crashing. _

_**"It's a reflection upon yourself, you know."**_

_I rolled my inky eyes, gaze glued to the water. I hated speaking with Kuria-Dei. She wasn't my cup of tea. If she were a complete, separate entity, living alone, she'd be one of those pure-hearted naïve do-gooders. One whom I would never associate with._

_** "I don't preach to talk, Hazumi. I want to help you."**_

_My lips twisted, and I tore my gaze away from the water, looking to the next dock, spotting her again. Standing there so nonchalantly, arms crossed. _

_"I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine." _

_I could see her eyes narrow, her lips tightened. But I couldn't feel how she was feeling. I couldn't know if she were upset or not. Because she spoke so gently, understanding. Her gaze went to the water, __**"It hasn't stopped raining since the academy. You blame yourself constantly. It's heartbreaking, Hazumi. You couldn't control the situation. And you can't control Reizo. It's not your fault. He is—" **_

_"You speak in the present. As if he were actually here."_

_ I watched Kuria-Dei shift her eyes, not so quickly, but just enough for me to read. She wasn't playing it very smart today. Bringing up my academy days was a low blow. And she wasn't concealing her thoughts as carefully as usual. _

_"You know something."_

_ Kuria-Dei looked back at me, bright eyes suddenly not so bright. Weighted. Expression slowly turning haggard, worn almost. _

_How…? _

_**"You know it, too. What I know is what you know. It seems you've just been blocking it. Or maybe…" **_

_She was trailing off, but it didn't really matter. I didn't want to hear this. I had this sharp pain in the back of my skull. Just pounding. Aching. And now like a burning sensation. My hands flew to my head, eyes scrunching. I sank to my knees, clutching, grabbing at my hair, teeth gritting. _

_**"I've got you," **__Kuria-Dei was suddenly beside me, holding me, __**"Embrace it, Hazumi. The truth-…. the truth sometimes hurts."**_

_ I didn't know that expression applied to physical pain as well._

_

* * *

_

I came back gasping, sucking in air, desperate for oxygen. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, and I had to blink a couple of times, readjusting my dilated eyes. I was leaning against a wall close to the entrance of the Central 46 chambers, where all those bodies lie. Dead. God, I was so disoriented.

Kuria-Dei… She had… she had spoken so…

Dear… Reizo. Why couldn't I piece anything together—

"It's unfortunate, the things we learn about our fellow shinigami, ne, Hazumi-san?"

A flare of crushing reiatsu had my eyes widening considerably, and I could barely lift my eyes to meet black rimmed glasses. I swallowed something thick, hands shaking, black eyes wide as saucers. Dear Lord… this reiatsu-!

"And especially you of all people. You were going considerably well with forgetting everything. Such a shame…" Aizen Sōsuke stood in the threshold of the chambers, tall and powerful.

So goddamn powerful…

I cleared my throat, staring back at him, fighting to keep the rising panic off my expression.

My lips twisted, "You're full of shit, Aizen." I placed my palms on the ground, pushing myself into some kind of standing position, but hunched over. God, this pressure was crushing. I grimaced, holding onto the wall, breathing heavily.

Aizen's lips curved upwards, "I didn't expect you to break the seal, Hazumi-san. But…"

And he drew his sword, loosely gripping the handle.

"What the hell is going on?"

Aizen stood there, sword in hand, grip tightening every few seconds. He smiled at me, "You don't remember everything."

"Of course I don't remember anything," I bit out.

I was so damn confused.

What the hell was I supposed to remember?

All I knew was that he was up to no good, and he was supposed to be dead.

Said no good-doer gave a deep sigh, closing his eyes in exasperation. "I'll show you then, Hazumi-san."

And before I knew it, Aizen had moved not two inches from me, and I was numb.

Everything just felt numb.

I felt so heavy. Lethargic almost.

Was I supposed to breathe?

…Yes, that sounded familiar.

Breathe, stupid.

Just inflate your lungs…!

And then I felt the pain.

* * *

_"Reizo!" _

_My face lit up like a child on Christmas Morning as I watched my eldest brother approach me, that familiar presence warming me. It was a beautiful day, and seeing my older brother here only made it better. Because today was the day of my promotion to Fukutaicho of Squad 4._

_ Reizo proffered a smile, "Congratulations, Hazumi." _

_I beamed, looking up at him, so damn happy. Even though Seireitei had just lost eight valuable officers, friends of my own, I was happy to get this position. I had worked hard for months, and it paid off. "I'm glad you could make it, Reizo. I was afraid you would miss this." _

_Reizo's lips curved infinitesimally, looking around my new office, gaze resting on the window. "I would never miss something this exciting for you, Hazumi."_

_ I followed his gaze to the window, eyes softening as colors flooded my office, the sun setting behind the trees. It illuminated my desk, the neat pile of paperwork pushed to the side, and my framed picture of my two brothers and me, happy. "I've got a question for you."_

_ I looked back at my tall sibling, looking into his dark eyes, nodding slightly. _

_His gaze was still on the window, "How are you?" _

_I blinked my charcoal eyes, taking a minute to understand what he was getting at. _

_Moving around to sit on my desk, I took a second. "I'm… okay. I don't understand what happened, and I'm hurting, but… I dunno. I'll miss them, wherever they are. You know Hachi and I were close. And Mashiro. And I even miss Hiyori, annoying as she was. And my missing subordinates, Kesha and Taro. It's upsetting, but I'll be okay." _

_I would miss them all. _

_It was quiet for a few moments, and then Reizo said something that had altered my life forever. _

_"I know what happened."_

_ I blinked, my gaze shooting up to meet his, shrinking back as I saw how hard his dark eyes had become, the way his jaw set. _

_"You… know?" _

_And right then something shifted. He was darker, angry even. I noted that his hands fisted, and he shifted slightly, gaze drilling mine. For a second I didn't recognize him as my brother, but a willful, shinigami officer. _

_And then Reizo explained. _

_Everything. _

_He was there as my eight colleagues were turned into monsters; he was there as Aizen ruined everything they knew. He was there as Urahara and Tessai arrived and saved the day, and he was there to escape with Aizen. He had killed my subordinates. When my elder brother had finished, I sat on my desk, quiet. _

_"Tell me you're lying." _

_Reizo was silent. My eyes welled, and my hands fisted, shaking. "DAMMIT REIZO-!" _

_"Ask me why." _

_That struck a chord. I wanted to know why. I really wanted to know why he betrayed everything he knew. What I knew. It was only a whisper, "Why?"_

_ And he looked me dead in the eye, all traces of softness and love gone. Just a man with power staring back at me, angry and violent. "Because I hate having limits. You contribute to those limits, Hazumi. You weigh me down. You have always weighed me down. And now I'm cutting it off." _

_I couldn't breathe._

_ I couldn't think._

_ Weigh him down?_

_ Is that what he thought?_

_ "Reizo—"_

_ "How Aizen thinks is smart, something I like." _

_My heart clenched violently, and it was all I could do to keep here. _

_No. Reizo had to be lying. My black eyes stared at his, and as I watched him come closer, so close, embrace me in that brotherly hug like he had all these years, I let go of the sob that was bubbling in the back of my throat, and my breath came short as I felt something pierce me, straight through my torso._

_ I gasped, alarmed. Then my brother backed away slowly, hand a bloody mess, staring at me, devoid of emotion. Eyes desponding. I made a desperate noise in the back of my throat, hands shaking as I looked down at my stomach, where a hole went straight through. _

_My gaze flew back to Reizo, desperate. _

_Sorrowful. _

_My eyes dulling, my limbs getting heavier. _

_Pain. _

_And then everything was black._

_

* * *

_

I awoke to find myself alone.

Sprawled on the ground.

A bloody mess.

Still in this goddamn chamber, still wounded, and now having a _fucking _hole in my stomach thanks to Aizen.

How ironic. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I remembered now. I remembered the truth, and it was goddamn _painful_. I lay on the ground, eyes despondent, expression blank. Now I knew why Hosyu didn't want me in here. He knew I would figure it out, even if I had to go and get maimed, I would find out the truth. And look where that got me.

And somehow I found myself not caring if I died. Everything I had worked for the past hundred years, inane. Void of any real meaning. Because my eldest brother tried to kill me, albeit failing, but still, it's the thought that counts. And his intentions were not for my good health.

My whole existence, senseless.

Lacking significance.

I was an idiot.

An idiot who was suddenly feeling something besides her normal apathy.

Rage.

Hot, searing rage, burning me. Coursing through my body.

Willing me to make a move.

* * *

It seemed I wasn't alone in the chambers of Central 46.

"Isane, Unohana Taicho." I blinked, surprised. How had I not noticed?

Unohana stared at me, lips compressed, analyzing. Isane's eyes widened as she took in my appearance, probably thinking I looked more or less like the walking dead. I sure as hell felt like it. I looked around, absorbing the scene around me. Ice.

And… Hitsugaya? Fallen. Sheesh, the kid looked dead. "I'm assuming Aizen has already been through here, then…"

Unohana cleared her throat, her soft tone still hitting home, "It seems you've had your share of skirmishes, Hazumi-san. You shouldn't be moving around."

I smiled at the motherly shinigami, gesturing around, "I don't think I'm the issue here. I'll be fine. You remember Kuria-Dei's abilities."

My zanpakuto was reliable; she would take the pain away, but only for a limited amount of time.

And time was ticking.

Turning to leave, "I'll leave you lot to this, then."

I wouldn't be much help here anyways.

With this anger, I only wanted to destroy something, not heal.

I'd deal with my familiar issues later.

I wanted Aizen's head on a silver platter.

* * *

_Kuria-Dei, I'm in need of your assistance. _

Silence. But I knew she was there. She was always there.

_**What do you need.**_

She'd never fail me. We both knew we were long overdue for a discussion on important matters, but now was not the time. And she knew that I knew.

_I need you to connect with another zanpakuto. It seems I cannot teleport correctly. Wouldn't want me to lose a limb, would you? _

I smiled a little, knowing she thought that's exactly what I deserved for being the pompous bitch I was. But she wouldn't say that now. She'd save it for later. I had a feeling she was saving a great argument for that time. I was not looking forward to that conversation.

But Kuria-Dei was a peculiar zanpakuto.

She was pure, clear. Light.

She could slip into another's zanpakuto, quickly verify their location, and send us there. Slip out quick enough. They'd never know. I hadn't explored many of Kuria-Dei's talents, for we weren't the chummiest pair, but we had a few tricks up our sleeves. And this was a time to use that talent.

_**Concentrate, Hazumi. Place yourself carefully. I'll do the rest.**_

I closed my eyes, moistening my lips.

I owed a lot to Kuria-Dei. She had done a bunch for me, and I took it for granted.

But not now.

I knew the extent of exertion she was using right now.

And I appreciated it. Because with her help, the pain from my elder brother's betrayal wasn't as raw and painful. This anger was good for forming a layer of scar tissue. Albeit thin, but still, scar tissue was better than nothing. I'd rather have a scab than be openly bleeding.

And with that thought, I was gone. Not a trace left behind.

Like I was never there.

* * *

**Ahh. So, the truth! Ahah!**

**Feedback is appreciated.  
**


	10. Devastation

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**DIEZ:**_

_"__Devastation"_

_

* * *

_

It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.

**-Aristotle**

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* * *

  
**

I hate a lot of things. It's just a simple fact. Not many things appeal to me. Some people find that repelling. I find it useful at points. Like right now, I hate failure. I understand it, and I relate to failures, but I want to punch failure square in the nose. Knowing that can't happen, seeing as failure isn't a material thing, I do the next best thing.

What is that, you say?

Well, the next best thing is socking someone you dislike right in the face, just to blow off some steam.

And I had the perfect opening.

"Nagasaki…"

You see, I may had overestimated Kuria-Dei's abilities a tad, and maybe I had overestimated my own. But anyway you look at it, my genial zanpakuto was too busy working on my wounds, numbing them and slowly starting the healing process- which I guess she expected me to finish- so she couldn't really use her techniques to their full extent at this time. And I should have expected it, seeing as we hadn't worked together in years and I shouldn't expect her to come back in full swing.

"Nagasaki…?"

And so she hadn't gotten us up to Soukyoku Hill, but to the base of it. Where the steps began. All four hundred million thousand steps. Not really. But I couldn't discern how many of the blasted steps there were. I was too busy leaning against the cliff's wall, regaining myself. By now, my good-natured other half had completely healed my side, where Hosyu had just nicked me earlier, and the puncture square in my stomach was starting to close. Albeit painfully, but hey, I wasn't going to resemble a thin scrawny piece of Swiss cheese anymore, so I was all for the healing process. Especially since I wasn't going to touch it. I wanted to save the last bits of my energy for when I got to the tippy top of this Mountain. If I got there…

"Nagasaki-san!"

_THWACK! _

"AHHHGGG! HOLY MOTHER OF-!"

_CRUNCH!_

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Watching fourth seat Tottori, Hikaru stagger back, hand cradling his face, bright blue eyes now scrunched in pain, I retracted my fisted hand, a small smile curling my lips as I watched the kid struggle for composure. The shrimpy Rokubantai officer deserved it, I thought, as I remembered how high and mighty he thought himself as he took me to that Fukutaicho's meeting.

Was that really only a few days ago…?

The kid's groaning brought me back, and my gaze refocused to see him holding his nose, little tears welling in his bright eyes. I rolled my inky orbs, pushing off the wall and coming up beside him. He flinched, as if expecting another hit, but I grunted in annoyance, slapping his hand away and taking his nose between my forefinger and thumb. Said schnoz was already swelling, and a bit crooked, streaming red substance drip by drip. His eyes widened when he saw what I intended, but it was too late, for my fingers already twisted, not even wincing as I heard the quick _crack_ when it popped back into place. Hikaru gave a little cry, covering his face once more, causing a chuckle to bubble in my throat. When a whimper escaped his mouth, I couldn't contain my laughter, and I hunched over, chortling.

What a pansy.

* * *

After the short shinigami had calmed down a bit, he resigned himself to shooting dirty looks my way as I healed, leaning against the rough wall. I could feel lots happening up above, but I knew that I was no help in my condition. I had to wait.

_Just a little longer, Kuria-Dei._

"What are you doing around here, anyways?"

I opened my black eyes slowly, seeing Tottori watching me. The kid looked like crap, and he had only taken a fist to the face. His nose was still swollen, but now straight, and he had smeared blood on his upper lip. Maybe he needed a bit more discipline in the endurance area…

I lazily gestured upwards, "I'm going up."

Tottori blinked, blue eyes stunned. Why did he look so surprised…?

"You look like hell, Nagasaki."

I rolled my eyes, grunting unenthusiastically. This kid knew how to grate my nerves. And then something struck me. We were actually being civil, albeit just for a few moments, but still, were we holding an actual conversation? Odd.

"What are you doing here, kid?"

At my calling him 'kid', the black haired officer frowned, looking like that put down little kid with the bad-tasting lemon all over again. If he wasn't such a dick, I would scoop him up in a bear hug and crush his bones. So damn adorable.

"Isane Fukutaicho relayed an important message. As a standing officer of the Gotei 13," he swallowed, pausing, "I decided it was my duty to do something."

As I watched the kid speak, my coal-like eyes softened to soot, and I frowned, looking the other way. Stupid kid. Thought he could actually do something against Aizen.

…No, that wasn't it.

He was scared. The little kid was scared senseless by the idea of going up there. As he should be. As I should be. But when my gaze flew back up to the peak of this hill, the only feeling I could discern was anger. A sense of helplessness, maybe, but I wasn't going to act on helplessness. Anger was my fuel, and I wouldn't lose it.

"Stay down here, kid."

I felt Tottori's gaze on me as I stood, cracking my back and popping my joints gingerly, grimacing as the skin on my stomach stretched a little much, aware of the hole where Aizen struck me right through. Bastard.

"You're going up there…?"

I didn't look at him. "Yeah."

I heard him snort as I turned my back, and when I moved to start up these stupid stairs, his hand caught my arm, my foot stopping mid-stride. I looked at him through the corner of my eye, seeing the way his big blue eyes suddenly firmed, the way his lips compressed quickly.

Pointedly looking at his hand on my arm, I was silent.

He stepped beside me, not looking at my face as he spoke, "It's not that I care if you get yourself killed or not. Because I don't. I just want Renji Fukutaicho to know that I'm a good officer, and a dedicated shinigami," he paused, glancing at my thrown expression, "that and I can't let you get all the credit, Nagasaki. Who who I be to let the Vice Kido Chief-"

"You talk too much, kid."

With a dirty look shot my way, he started up the long flight of never-ending stairs.

His grip still on my arm.

_Kids, I swear._

* * *

"Keep your distance, Tottori."

Because I sure as hell didn't want to get near either. That is, until I saw Rukia in that Glasses-wearing Bastard's grip, Ichigo on the ground, bloody, and Renji too. Sweet Jesus. They looked like hell. And it was all because of this scum before me.

It came as a shock to see Tousen standing there, allied with Aizen. Not so much Ichimaru. Because that was whom Aizen had mixed his reiatsu with to throw me off. That creepy smilin' bastard right there.

And I was semi-surprised to see the other Ryoka here as well, wearing the shinigami uniform. And Ganju, too. Well, nice. They were smart enough to attempt to blend in. But not smart enough to stay away from this place.

What was I thinking. I was stupid enough to come, too.

When I stepped forward, I felt a few pairs of eyes on me, recognition probably filling their surprised, inexperienced orbs.

That inexperience could get them all killed.

"Oi! You're that shinigami!"

"Ishida-kun…"

"Hazumi!"

"Nagasaki…"

With a straight spine, I continued forward, hand inching over to Kuria-Dei as I approached Ichimaru, who was just standing there with that _fucking_ smile, leaking that Captain level reiatsu as if it required not a bit of strain. My coal-like eyes narrowed into slits, and then I was gone.

Against Ichimaru.

Swords meeting, slashing, pushing back.

"I haven'ta had tha pleasure ta fight you yet, Hazumi-chan. Whatcha think yer gonna' accomplish here?"

I grimaced as he added more force, causing me to slide back, kicking up dirt and sand. I wanted Ichimaru to just bite the dust or go kill himself or something productive like that, but no. He had to get in my way of Aizen. He had to act all big and bad and useful.

This made me unquestionably angry.

"Asshole."

With my thoughts voiced, I added more pressure to Kuria-Dei's thin blade, teeth gritting as I searched for an opening to dash through. Another slash, another push…

There!

**"Hadō 1: Shō!"**

And Ichimaru was no longer in my line of sight, but the Big Baddie himself.

I held Kuria-Dei at my side, now a few yards from him. Gathering reiatsu, anger flooding my veins as I watched the man who ruined my brother, ruined our relationship, manipulated him and twisted him to do his biding. Ruined our family. My family.

Aizen Sosuke.

"Hazumi-san," he acknowledged.

I was silent, zanpakuto tensed at my side. Ichimaru was behind me, not moving. Like he was conveniently not interested in my actions or motives anymore. Like he just let off and stopped caring.

Hm.

Like I expected.

My lips twisted, "Aizen."

I wasn't too concerned with anything else around me. Only the fact that the man who tore my family apart was right here, standing before me, gripping Rukia like she was a useless rag doll.

My stomach twisted at the thought.

And I also was intent on not fixating on my pain. Kuria-Dei's abilities were drawing to a close, and I could feel again. Not as clear as usual, but that would soon pass, and I would soon feel the full wrath of a sword going through one's gut.

And the fact that I had used more reiatsu in the past few days than I could ever remember.

How was I even standing at the moment?

"Hazumi…?" I could vaguely feel Ichigo's presence behind Aizen, and I knew he was looking at me strangely. I didn't need to see the expression on his face to know that he had thought I was dead.

Because my reiatsu really did disappear for awhile.

All thanks to Kuria-Dei.

I just shot him a look, silent.

The idiot.

"I'm surprised to see you can still move."

Breathe, you fool. Don't do anything stupid. Don't fall to the bait of that manipulative bastard. Just focus on your goal here. Remember Reizo's good times, remember Hosyu, waiting for you to return. Alive.

"You underestimate my capacity, Aizen."

His lips curved infinitesimally, and his brown eyes glinted behind those stupid square-rimmed glasses. "What a peculiar choice of words. It seems I have 'underestimated your capacity.' Forgive me, Hazumi-san."

And something snapped inside of me just then. Maybe it had something to do with the words 'Forgive me' coming from that scumbag's mouth, or the way he added a polite suffix to my name, but either way, my mind just shut down, and the spirit particles just formed in my hand. It was instinct by now, almost like breathing. The incantations just spewing from my chapped lips, rapidly, mixing together, something I had just learned in the past hundred years. Seemed I had learned a bunch in this last century. Reizo's disappearance just fueled me. I guess something good did come out of his deceit.

_"Carriage of Thunder, Bridge of a spinning wheel,"_ my voice echoed, shaking, and Aizen just stood there, unfazed by my starting the spell. I know he didn't anticipate my next move, though. My speaking was quick, unforeseen, _"Rain down upon thee, shower thy with one's own ferocity, _**Hadō 88: ****Hiryugekizokushintenraiho!****_"_**** (1)**

The power that came from me was immense, forceful, and even I was pushed back by my own spell, overwhelmed by the surge of blue electricity blasting from my palm. Dust was flying, particles everywhere, and the explosion was colossal, crushing. Blue light engulfed everything. Everything was absorbed in the dark hue.

Nothing was discernible.

I fell to my knees, sucking in oxygen, shaking uncontrollably. My throat tightened painfully, and I wheezed, moaning as Kuria-Dei's numbing effects immediately ceased, unleashing a raw, merciless pain throughout my body, centered at my stomach.

Blood spilled, and I vaguely realized my good-for-nothing-do-gooder zanpakuto had stopped the bleeding in my torso for longer than I thought. More than I thought she was capable. My lips curled slightly; huh, how kind of her.

It was still on the hilltop for a few seconds, and then movement. Coughing, groaning. I vaguely heard someone call out to me. But I didn't respond. Because my heart stopped as I heard a light chuckle coming from above me. My head snapped up, black eyes wide as a figure stood in the midst of dust and rubble, hand gripping a limp figure. No.

_No-!_

"I haven'ta seen that attack in a long' time, Aizen-san."

Ichimaru stood closer now, so close, hand on my shoulder, sword drawn. Its cool metal was resting against my neck, steady.

_No._

"Yes, it has been awhile, Gin. Our little Vice Kido Chief here has had her good share of experience, I see. But it looks like she's all dried up." Sosuke Aizen stood tall as the dust cleared, Rukia hanging limp in his grip. Her eyes were big and scared, staring at me with desperation, like she was pleading with me. Would have amused me if it weren't for my sudden situation. Because Aizen was right.

I was done.

Spent.

That last spell used the rest of my energy. I could barely move, let alone hold myself up.

How on earth did he survive that blast? He didn't even have a scratch on him.

My voice was raspy, "You just won't die, you crazy bastard." I couldn't bring myself to put much emotion in my voice. It took too much energy. Everything was looking pretty damn bleak right now.

I was going to die.

* * *

Ichigo's eyes expanded as he watched Hazumi appear out of thin air, standing tall. With some kid with her.

Watched her distract that creep Ichimaru, confront Aizen.

She was tensed, every muscle and contour of her body, tense with anger. But that wasn't why he was hit with a ton of bricks. Oh no. It was that gaping _hole_ centered square in her stomach. Her robes were blotched with blood, torn, ragged, and her face, haggard and pale. So pale…

"Hazumi…?"

What the hell? She… she was alive. And somehow standing. Somehow _moving._ Why was she there? Why wasn't she getting medical attention? What happened to her? What the _hell_ was going on?!

She turned slightly, silencing him with a look.

His brows furrowed as she turned to face Aizen, about to shout at her for being such an idiot-!

And then a crushing blast had him covering his head, face hitting the dirt.

All he saw was this blue light engulfing everything, reiatsu pounding him into the ground. So heavy, weighted, feeling as if he were being trampled. Jesus what the _hell _was this? It was such a overwhelming force.

It reminded him of Kenpachi.

Meant to obliterate and demolish.

It missed him by inches. He could feel the static and pressure of it all.

What!?

_Hazumi_… she looked so slight and barely there, yet she pulled off something like this?

And then it was gone, smoke hazing around with the aftershocks, reiatsu just lingering, static hovering. Rubble and dust everywhere, disorienting and confusing. Such power…

When he lifted his head, his tawny eyes fell on a kneeling figure, hunched over in… pain!

"Hazumi!"

Even lying on the ground, a bloody mess, he called out to her, worry lacing his boyish features. She looked ready to keel over. And he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't do anything about that creep Ichimaru now holding his sword to her neck, or how that bastard Aizen was still alive, still holding Rukia like a sack of potatoes.

"You just won't die, you crazy bastard," her voice croaked, weak_. _

She sounded like she was about to give.

_Hazumi… what happened to you?_

And then she fell forward, limp. Exhausted.

Gone.

* * *

I could feel myself falling forward, hitting the ground, just lying there, spent. I didn't know what to do now. Everything hadn't worked out like I thought it would. I thought I could kill him with that spell. It was one of my strongest. It was the strongest one I could do in my condition.

And my condition, to put it nicely, blowed.

It blows, having a hole in your stomach.

And it also sucked majorly when I could feel it bleeding profusely, all of Kuria-Dei's efforts going down the drain with that simple puncture wound. Like he was mocking me and my zanpakuto with his little show of 'Who's the strongest'.

Everything was garbled in my mind, untouchable, indiscernible, all crap. I couldn't register what was going on around me. I didn't even know who was here anymore. I hazily heard other voices, like they were muffled or something. And I felt pain and those distinct, intimidating reiatsus, but I couldn't put feelings to a face or a name or anything.

There were only two crystal clear things floating in my mind right now.

One, I was dying. That was simple. I could feel pain and the blood, so I knew I was dying.

But that wasn't what made the distinct panic manifest in my stomach, bubble in my throat.

It was the second thing I realized. That my friends would most likely die. That Rukia would fall to that psycho's hand and Renji would lay there bleeding to death and Ichigo would most likely be finished off by him.

And that hurt to know. Because I quite enjoyed their company. And those Ryoka didn't really deserve to die either. They were foolish, but being foolish was not a death sentence.

And I'd kinda miss the idiot carrot top.

He made me feel something I hadn't felt in over a hundred years. I hadn't even believed in it for a hundred years, and I hadn't thought I would ever reacquire the misleading article of my mind.

Hope. And care and a sense of feeling.

Some sense of feeling that I belonged.

And I wanted to hold onto that.

But I couldn't hold onto anything right now. Because I was losing it. Everything was slowly coming back, and the pain was intensifying, multiplying. Hurting me, twisting my stomach, burning, scorching. It hurt.

That last thing I heard was the one and only fireworks artist and her crazy gatekeeper coming down from the heavens, attacking, gathering that mass of reiatsu to cast yet another powerful Kidou spell.

I was really sensitive to reiatsu and Kidou.

And I felt other masses so close, approaching, cornering. Arrival.

They were here.

I let myself fade.

_Goodbye, Reizo._

_

* * *

_

**1) That was an attack that Tessai used in the Turn back the Pendulum Arc. When he used it against Aizen. It didn't say the chant, and I mixed it with another, to cause a sense confusion. Not for you though. So to clear things up, I'm not sure what the chant is.**

**Anyways. Yeah. I don't know if I'm close to the end or not. A short story, if I am close. But for some reason I'm not satisfied with ending it here. Your thoughts would be nice.  
**


	11. Connections

**So, this is not the end. I'm not too sure when it is. But, I'm not satisfied yet, and I write until I am.**

**That said, your thoughts would be nice. All of your reviews have been most helpful, and I thank you.**

**I've had some ideas from your reviews, but nothing too concrete when it comes to where I'm going next.**

**All I know is that I don't want to end this story here, because I've taken a liking to writing it. Bount arc maybe?**

**Thanks. So, I'm going to stop my rambling. Chapter 11.**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_ONCE:_**

_"Connections"_

* * *

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own

**- Ben Sweetland**

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* * *

**

"I know you're there, Hosyu."

A heavy sigh came from the shrouded doorway of my room, and then a slight _pitter patter_ of footsteps told me my workaholic brother had entered, trying to keep silent. I sighed under my breath, leaning over to flick on the lights so I could see my stubborn kin. I mean really, what was he thinking, coming here at midnight. I should have been sleeping. The lights flicked on silently, and I noted my brother was leaning against the far wall, brown hair falling in his handsome face, green eyes tired. He was bandaged up pretty good, yet he was capable of walking.

That trooper. Seems our fight didn't quite put him out.

… I should have cut off his arms.

It was quiet in my room for a few good moments, where I stared at my older brother like a hawk, and he shifted slightly, only a tad uncomfortable. Damn. He was getting used to my techniques to instill awkwardness. I needed new material. Then he opened his mouth, "How are you?"

Despite my wanting revenge on the poor bloke, my lips slightly curved at his tone. He sounded like an abashed child, and the way his eyes were downcast just added to the effect.

Nice try, Hosyu.

"I'm fine." I spoke deliberately and slowly, my gaze never wavering from my tall sibling. Said sibling lifted his head, gaze falling on anything but me. They decided to rest on the vase on my bedside table, and he questioned who they were from. My answer was short, "A friend." I really had no idea who had sent the beautiful things, but I appreciated them anyways. Sunflowers were my favorite.

Then Hosyu sighed again, and his shoulders sagged. "Hazumi I—"

"You look like you're at your execution, Nii-san." When he heard the laughter in my voice, his gaze shot up, brows furrowing at my small smile. The dobe. He looked confused for awhile, before the worry melted away, and a genuine smile bloomed onto his face, the weight in his eyes lifting. My brother was an idiot. He came here expecting me to chew him out and hate him, probably. He was prepared for it. So I wasn't surprised when this moment caught him off guard. Because you see, when I first woke up I was truly angry at my brother. But then when the anger subsided and my rationality kicked in, I thought of his intentions. He hid Reizo's true nature from me, true, but he did it for the good of my mental health. He tried to protect me, though it backfired in the end, his intentions were only for my benefit. What was that saying…? The road to Hell is paved with good intentions…? Did that fit here? Oh well. I was never good with those proverbs and philosophy and whatnot.

I cleared my throat, yawning. "This is the last time you'll pull a stunt like that, Hosyu. Next time it's your head."

And that's all that needed to be said. A light forgiveness. No extra sentimentality and any mushy crap like that. That would only annoy both of us.

Just that one forgiven statement.

* * *

"MOTHER OF PEARL—"

"Manners, Hazumi-san."

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME-!"

"Such a temper…"

"YOU WANNA FIGHT YOU LITTLE-?!"

"Hazumi-san, we cannot bandage you correctly if you keep moving."

"I'LL GO POSTAL ON YOU ALL!"

"Get me the sedatives, Chinatsu-san."

"No wait-!" Minutes later Unohana Retsu stepped out of the small recovery room, that ever-present genial smile pasted on her motherly face. Ignoring the disturbed looks cast towards the room, she started down the hall, that gentle air around her now crackling.

"Erm… Unohana-san…?"

Unohana stilled, turning slightly and meeting tawny eyes. She smiled again, "Kurosaki-san."

Ichigo stood a few feet away, blinking.

Had he just witnessed…?

He glanced back at the now quiet room, "Hazumi is…"

Unohana was quiet for a moment, her gaze, too, going back to the room. She spoke softly, "Hazumi-san isn't conscious at the moment. She has quite a problem with these new hypodermic needles…"

Ichigo paled as he watched the nurturing captain's expression darken for a moment. Then as if nothing happened, she smiled again, "You are free to visit. She should be awake within the hour."

She started down the hallway again, that good natured smile curving her lips as she stole one more glance at the Ryoka boy.

Kurosaki Ichigo, huh…

* * *

The next time I woke up, I felt as a person should if they were stabbed through and through. Like a shish kabob. I groaned as that blasted sunlight filtered through the window, peaking through the blinds. Sighing irritably, "What's the _fucking_ point of blinds if they don't even do their _damn _job?!"

My room was quiet.

_**"It is, after all, just a recuperating room. What do you expect?"**_

I rolled black eyes, frowning slightly at Kuria-Dei's tone. I didn't want to talk. I wanted to roll over and die or something like that. Something that required no effort at all. 

_**"I'm not going to be a twat about it."**_

An unladylike snort made its way from my throat, and I gingerly started to stretch my limbs, wincing. I didn't even bother to care if I looked crazy talking aloud. "What do you want me to say? You were right?"

I felt Kuria-Dei's annoyance at my incompliance, and she sighed audibly, _**"I want to connect with you, idiot."**_

I blinked, stricken quiet.

Connect? That sounded… nice. A connection. 

_**"It's been a long time since you've connected with someone, Hazumi."**_

What would that feel like? To share something… in common. To intertwine one's life with another.

_**"Though you have done it recently…"**_

"I don't want to hear any cliché crap coming from you."

I could imagine her holding her hands out in mock surrender, _**"Hey, I'm happy as it is. You're accepting me. Does this mean you'll speak to me more frequently?"**_

Guilt ebbed its way into my mind then, and my lips tipped, "Yes, I will. I'm sorry it's been—"

_**"No need to apologize. You're crap at them anyways."**_

"Why you ungrateful little—"

"I knew there wasn't something right with you."

I blinked, suddenly jerked back to the here and now. That haughty voice sounded awfully familiar… Turning my head, my black orbs met three pairs of eyes. Young eyes. The Ryoka. I could feel my face grow warm, "Ahh…"

Yeah, there wasn't really anything to say. I saw the Quincy boy smirk, and right then I just wanted to punch him in the nose. Like I did with Hikaru. Wonder how the kid was doing, anyways…

"Ano…" My gaze went back to the doorway, where the one I knew as Orihime tentatively stepped forward, a nervous smile on her pretty face.

I blinked, "Hello."

She a relaxed a bit, and when she spoke her voice wasn't as shy, "I'm Inoue, Orihime. And this is Ishida," she motioned towards the Quincy, "and this is Chado."

I raised my hand in a wave, getting a 'hmph!' from Quincy over there and a nod from Chado. She stepped closer, and I saw that she had these pretty grey eyes. "Ahh… Would you like me to… heal you?"

Heal me?

I pulled my brows, lips tipping, "Heal me…?"

Inoue nodded quickly, "You see, we really appreciate your help. Kurosaki-kun spoke highly of you and we realized you weren't the enemy after we met and I'd really like to repay you—"

"Inoue-san."

She blinked, realized she was rambling and rubbed the back of her head, chuckling nervously.

I sighed, "I mean, if you want. Either way, I'll be outa here in the next couple of days. And you don't need to repay me, really."

_I didn't do much to help._

I decided not to voice my thoughts, though, because she just beamed when I allowed her. And let me say, her abilities were outstanding. I could feel the puncture in my stomach disappearing, the stitches coming undone. My reiatsu, too, was regenerating. Odd.

When she finished, I practically emanated contentment. "Thank you. Vey much. You have an excellent ability, Inoue-san."

She beamed.

* * *

Seireitei wasn't in shambles like I had thought it would be. Yet still, everything felt as if we were starting a very long path of recuperation from a natural disaster or something. It felt weird.

I felt weird.

At a loss, really. I had been in the Yobantai barracks for two days, and I had been out of it most of the time. Today was really the day I started getting back on my feet. Though I didn't know what to do. I guess I should have started back to the Kido Corps, but… that didn't seem right. I needed to do something.

_"It hasn't stopped raining since the academy."_

Kuria-Dei's words found their way to my thoughts, and then as if something just clicked, I knew what I wanted to do.

_It's always raining, huh._

"Oi, Nagasaki. What are you doing just standing around?"

I didn't have to turn to know who it was, "I'm thinking, you ugly baboon."

I heard him scoff, "Shouldn't you be with the Yobantai-?"

I yawned, glancing at him through the corner of my eye as he came up beside me. "Nah. That Inoue girl patched me up. Somethin' of a miracle, she's got."

He nodded absently, "You see Rukia or Ichigo yet?"

I stepped forward, "Nope."

Continued walking.

"OI! Where you going in the middle of a conversation?!"

I snorted, "It's not like you appreciate manners anyway, Renji. You don't even know what they are."

"THE HELL YOU TALKING ABOUT NAGASAKI?!"

* * *

_It's always raining. _

_It hasn't stopped. _

_It's a reflection upon yourself, you know._

I had to get the stupid zanpakuto who cared. Kuria-Dei's words haunted me. A lot of things haunted me, but Kuria-Dei's words always struck home. Yes, learning that my eldest brother was a psychopath and murderer hurt, but no, I wasn't blubbering over my long lost sib. It helped to know he was a bad person. I could finally stop wasting time on him. I could move on.

But… _it hasn't stopped raining since the academy. You blame yourself constantly._

There was that. My academy days. One particular day, actually. As I stared down at the three grey tombstones, I closed my eyes, lifting my face to the hot sun. Today was the exact opposite of that day. Today was warm and bright and hope was slowly building. But way back then, I felt nothing. These three kids, my charges, dead. "It's like everyone's tough to find today."

I didn't lift my gaze from the tombstones, but just stood there, waiting for the approaching figure to stop. "Renji said you'd be up here…"

I only side glanced at the ginger, my black eyes rolling at his nonchalant attitude. It was quiet for a few moments, and I could feel Ichigo's growing curiosity.

"Who are they?"

I cleared my throat, looking back at the three grey grave markers, blank. "Academy students."

"You know them?"

"Not particularly."

"What happened?"

Here I paused. I hadn't spoken about this in a long, long time. I was lucky. "Manslaughter victims."

Ichigo glanced at me, and I at him, my lips thin. He furrowed his brows, "They catch the murderer?"

My gaze went back to the ground. Oh yeah, Ichigo. They caught 'em. They let 'em off the hook, too.

Because it was such a long time ago.

"You know how old I am, Ichigo?"

Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck, "Maa, you never told me. Always said it was rude or somethin'."

A small smile curled my lips, and I looked down to the graves, not feeling much.

I no longer felt the overwhelming sadness. "Five hundred seventeen."

"Nani?!"

I gave a soft chuckle, running a hand through my thick, tied-back hair. "Aa. Thought you knew I was old."

"Meh. That mean you're older than Yoruichi?"

I put a hand to my chin, "You know, I never really asked her. Not sure."

He made a noise in the back of his throat, looking down at the graves. "So why are you here, since you didn't know these three?"

I looked past the tombstones, past the greenery, not really at anything. It was difficult to say, but I did. By God, I said it, and something lifted off of me. But at the same time, I felt as if I had sentenced myself.

"I killed them."

Silence.

My gaze made its way back to Ichigo, who was staring at me, eyes blinking. Confused. But he didn't say anything. I looked away, "I was in the academy, and we were doing some training exercises with actual hollows. One second there's one, and the next there's so many. I didn't have much control over my reiatsu at the time and I just lost it…"

Well, good job Hazumi.

A potential friend, potential something more- not even going to comment, stupid subconscious- and you blew it with the skeletons in your closet. They're in there for a reason. Dumbass.

"What was your punishment?"

Moistening my lips, "They took away Kuria-Dei," I sighed, "and my seat was taken from me."

He blinked, "That's it?"

I shrugged helplessly, lips twisting, "Eh. I thought it was lenient, too. I checked myself in a rehabilitation institute hosted by the Kido Corps and stayed there for a few years. Those kids… they were my charges; I was the captain of the small group. And they died because I couldn't handle…"

I couldn't finish, because I didn't want to say. I had pride, I didn't want to admit and confess to my mistakes. I wasn't one to speak about my emotions. But maybe I needed to push my pride away to feel something again. Because I felt...

Nothing.

I didn't feel that overwhelming sadness anymore.

Just guilt. It wasn't crushing, not something that I couldn't handle. I handled it alone all these years; my brothers needn't know everything about it.

"Do you think about them often?"

I was surprised Ichigo was asking all these questions. I guess it was his way of coping. I mean, he just found out he had been with a murderer all the time. I'd be a little… shocked, betrayed, too.

"All the time."

_It's always raining._

Subconsciously, they were always there. My life was molded around my actions and experiences. My apathy towards so many things was to shield myself. In the end, that's all it was.

Just to protect myself.

And then, I almost jumped right out of my skin. Something big and warm was gripping my hand, and I looked down slowly to see Ichigo's hand enclosing mine. I blinked, looking up to him, meeting his tawny eyes, softening just a little. Adding pressure to his hand, looking down with a smile, I felt something akin to happiness. Not the full blown happiness that I could only dream of, but a fragmented piece of something I'd like to believe was connected.

Because that's what I wanted.

I wanted connection.

_Thank you, Ichigo Kurosaki._

_

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_


	12. Previews for What's to Come

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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* * *

_

**Hello. So, I'm starting anew. Hooray.**

**New arc, new problems, same ole' Hazumi.**

**So these are just some previews, since I'm not quite sure what I want to do yet, because I'm a fickle girl. Yes, very common indeed.**

**But maybe these will help me think, and maybe you'll come to enjoy these.**

**So, let's see what you think.**

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**

Hazumi watched the ginger pull a grimace, his muscles straining as he held off the powerful force, gritting his teeth as his feet dug into the ground. The stupid boy.

He just couldn't stop.

_Good._

"I'm surprised he even showed up. Bet the kid's scared."

The blonde's lips curled infinitesimally, her black eyes glancing at her Vizard friend, suddenly brightening with humor. "Tch, he doesn't know the meaning of the word fear… but then again he doesn't know the meaning to most words…"

* * *

"There's somethin' about the kid, like he just won't give."

Hazumi snorted derisively, falling back onto the hard concrete, closing her tired eyes. Yeah, Ichigo was just not a quitter; something she very much envied about him at times.

Like now. Everything was gradually getting worse, and soon it would be a total shit-storm. "A good ally."

She didn't open her eyes, just laid back on the hot cement, yawning. "Friend."

Silent compliance.

Her friend spoke again, uncharacteristically chatty. "It's like he has… he has…"

"The IQ of lint."

* * *

"You're goin' to the human world, huh?" The current Vice Kido Chief grunted, not lifting her gaze as she glanced around her office once more before turning to her visitor.

"You know why?"

Said vice Chief rolled her coal-black eyes, "No, Hosyu. I'm just going to get some fresh air."

Hosyu sighed; Hazumi's trademark bite. "I don't like it."

Hazumi's lips twisted, "It's my job, and don't be a dick about this."

Her elder brother held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. You're leaving soon, right? Let's try to get along for the rest of your time here."

With a quirk of her heart-shaped lips, Hazumi walked by the taller sibling, "We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God."

* * *

"Orihime's gone…?" She was silent as she listened to the conversation taking place, expression devoid of any feeling.

She needed to be calm about this. No time for panic.

It's not like Hosyu's life depended on Orihime's treatment…

"Hazumi?" Black eyes rose slowly, meeting yellow.

Silence. Overwhelming silence.

Yoruichi's gaze was piercing, scrutinizing.

Calm, you stupid girl. "Yes?"

No one could know about Hosyu's condition.

Don't screw up. He'd make it…

* * *

"I've got to go away for awhile, Ichigo…" Said ginger glanced sharply at the girl next to him, her fair hair even lighter in the mid-afternoon sun. He frowned slightly, expecting these words. She had been a bit ambiguous lately, and it seemed she finally made up her mind. He sighed, stretching his legs as they continued to walk down the busy street. "Made up your mind then?"

Hazumi furrowed her brows, "You knew?"

The substitute shinigami rolled his eyes, "What do you take me for? You've been acting strange, I'm not dumb."

He shot her a look as she opened her mouth to disagree, causing her to grin sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. "Ahh… yeah. I guess I have then."

Ichigo looked forward, his trademark scowl painting his handsome features.

How would her departure affect things now?

…How would it affect him?

"Soul Society know?" His question was met with silence, and he looked over at his shorter friend, questioning her with his eyes. Once she caught his gaze, she quickly cut her black eyes away, clearing her throat.

"No."

* * *

**I'd appreciate your opinions.**

**Thanks.**


	13. New Assignments, Same Hazumi

**So, new arc, same Hazumi.**

**New problems, and the old are incorporated.**

**More Ichigo in the next one. Promise.**

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_DOCE:_**

_"New assignments, same Hazumi."_

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_

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

**- Seneca**

* * *

"Man Hazumi, this place is a dump."

"What the hell do you want me to do about it?"

"How about clean it… smells like ass."

"Why don't you shove it up your naggin little bit—"

An uncomfortable cough broke the pointless argument between me and my brother, and with a rather begrudging glare, Hosyu turned to the door, where a short newish-recruit-of-six-months-ago stood. His eyes flicked nervously between the two of us, and he spoke in short, erratic spurts. "Ahh-Sumimasen…! Ano, Naga-Nagasaki-san I-I have a message for you…!"

It was silent in the room for a few moments, and Hosyu decided to take on the task of addressing the poor kid's low IQ. His voice was very close to intolerance, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say Hosyu here was a little annoyed…"Which one…"

A bark of dry laughter escaped my lips as my gaze flicked over to the kid's expression.

Priceless.

"Sumimasen! Nagasaki…" here the newbie looked down at a little 5" by 7" note card gripped in his tiny, tense hands, causing another snort of laughter coming from yours truly.

Man, I loved new recruits…

_"__Ucgh!"_ A sudden impact to my larynx had me gasping for breath, bringing my hands up to my sore throat, coughing. I wheezed quite inelegantly as I shot a nasty glare at my _beloved_ brother, who took the liberty of _punching me in the throat!_

I sent a kick his way, which didn't do much good seeing as I was sitting on the edge of my desk and he was about three feet away. He moved aside effortlessly, rolling his dark emerald eyes at my childish endeavors. I heard a quiet snicker coming from the doorway, and I shot a withering look at the shrimp, who quickly covered his stupid laughs with a cough, continuing, "Nagasaki Hazumi-san…"

And the atmosphere changed faster than you could say 'superluminal.'

It was suddenly cold and strained, and I would have laughed at the kid in the doorway if this sudden pit weren't forming in my stomach.

I felt Hosyu tense beside me, all the fun suddenly evaporated, leaving just that stony man I saw the day we fought, months ago. His voice was low, "Hazumi…"

_Yeah, I know, Hosyu_.

After a beat of silence, a wry smile touched my lips, "Finally time, huh."

_ Bring it on, Old man._

_

* * *

_

Two months.

It seemed like so much longer.

Two months since Sosuke Aizen defected from Soul Society, two months since I learned, or rather relearned, the truth about my brother's disappearance, and two months since I met Ichigo Kurosaki.

Like I said, it felt like so much longer.

I think I actually missed the stupid ginger.

Although, I could have lived without the massive crap he got me into. You see, when things were finally looking up in Seireitei, when we were rebuilding and healing and… drinking, I didn't exactly get off scot-free. Because I used a forbidden kido technique, the one that I so conveniently cast to escape from Byakuya Kuchiki via teleportation at the Shrine of Penitence. One word there: **forbidden.**

So it was only natural that I had to answer to my delinquency and be a responsible Vice Chief. Maybe it was also the fact that I had gone against everything concrete and stable- the Soul Society- and sided with a rotten, teenage Ryoka. Yeah, that sounded right. So what if it was morally right? It was against the law, and no one is greater than the rule of law. Thank you, Magna Carta. Anyways, that's the reason the little pipsqueak came and got me; it was finally time for justice to be served for my actions. I was wondering when it would come. A little late, in my opinion, but I wasn't complaining. I wasn't really looking forward to staying in a cell for a few good decades. I mean, yeah, Old Man Yamamoto was pretty lenient with Kurosaki and his friends, but I was an officer, the second in command of the Kido Corps. I didn't expect much mercy from the old guy.

And there I stood, in front of Ichibantai doors, palms sweating, my straight teeth chewing on my bottom lip.

_Okay, Hazumi. You've known this day was coming since the day you helped Ichigo. Suck it up. Don't be a pansy. Just accept it, you idiot._

With that last thought in mind, I sucked in a breath, pushing the cumbrous doors open with a heavy _creak_ and stepping inside. I raised my black eyes slowly, looking around the empty room, and my footsteps echoed out of the sheer quietness of the hollow room as I made my way to the back.

"Nagasaki, Hazumi. Fuku Kidōchō of the Kido Corps, former Fukutaicho of the Yobantai and former seated officer of both the Gobantai and Jūbantai." The gravelly voice startled me, causing my coal-like orbs to dart forward, landing directly on Yamamoto Soutaicho, who was sitting in the shadows. I swallowed thickly, feeling that nervous sensation creep up my spine like every time I stepped before the old man. I'd never get over my _rational_ fear of the old guy. His strength was always tangible to me, and it was like sometimes he didn't even bother to conceal parts of it. If I didn't know any better, I would say the old fart was showing off.

My train of thought broke there, though, as my eyes landed on two other figures.

Standing to the side were two also very high-ranking officers to my knowledge: Hilo Boggnamo, Kidōshū Sōshi and my direct commanding officer, and Toshiro Hitsugaya, Jūbantai Taicho.

Well, well, well, what a pleasant surprise.

There were witnesses.

Yamamoto couldn't accidently kill me now.

_How quaint_.

I cleared my throat, casting my gaze back to the very imposing commander. "Hai." And I bowed. Because I actually had manners; I just chose not to use them most of the time. My background was just a convenient cover.

Straightening, my eyes set on Yamamoto, and I forced back a yawn as he just sat there in silence.

_This is good…_

"You were brought here today to face the charges of manipulating a forbidden Kido spell, attacking a seated officer of the Onmitsukidō, and committing terrorist actions against Soul Society in the aide of the Ryoka two months ago."

I moistened my lips, compressing them and lacing my fingers behind my back. Well. That pretty much said it all.

_Fuck._

Yamamoto continued, his old scratchy voice like sandpaper, "Under normal circumstances, this is where I would ask how would you plead, however, these are not normal circumstances."

_Huh?_

My black eyes narrowed as he spoke, "Soul Society has just undergone a sizeable change, Nagasaki. Three valuable captains have committed treachery in the worst possible degree, and now there are holes, along with Seireitei picking itself back up. Your… charges are insignificant in the light of things."

_Huh!? _

_Is he…? Is he letting me off?!_

Apparently the shock was evident on my expression, because I heard a chuckle from the side coming from Boggnamo, "Don't look so surprised, Nagasaki. It seems you were expecting so much more…"

I blinked a few times, convincing myself this was real. It was real quiet in the hall, and I just stood there, getting over my initial shock. I wasn't… I wasn't going to prison!

No Maggots Nest or cells for me!

I exhaled loudly, letting my shoulders slump in relief.

Oh thank God.

Then suddenly the old Soutaicho cleared his throat, "However, we are not finished…"

* * *

The sun was hot on my face, and as I brought my arm to shield my eyes from the hazardous star, I gave a heavy sigh. My other hand, which was lying on the flat grass, gripped a small 4" by 6" black photo frame.

Today was a beautiful day, and I took advantage of the warm sunshine and escaped from my confining office, finding my favorite spot on the grassy hill not too far out of Seireitei.

Today was probably the last time I would enjoy it in awhile.

And today I wasn't even really enjoying it. There were too many things to think about. I let out another deep breath, inhaling slowly as countless thoughts ran through my head. Fragments, really. Memories, my duties and responsibilities, things I had to do in the very near foreseeable future…

"There you are. You're probably the laziest Senpai I've ever had, Nagasaki."

I didn't open my eyes as I heard the annoyed voice, nor when I felt the grass just beside my head flatten. When the wind shifted, I held out my hand, stopping the foot that was aimed straight at my temple. The picture frame now lay in the grass beside me.

I cracked a lid, staring up into soft baby blues. Messy black hair. A cheeky expression on an adorable face.

Well, whadya' know.

"Seriously, you're one tough chick to find." Hikaru Tottori stood at my side, leaning over me with that stupid smirk on his cute face.

I blew out a breath, "What do you want, Tottori?"

I heard an unsatisfied grunt from above, and then a dull _thud_ as he plopped down beside me, yawning.

"So, Yamamoto Soutaicho let you off the hook, huh?"

"There are more pressing matters at hand."

"Seems kind of unfair."

"Life's unfair, kid."

I heard him snort, looking the other way, "And here I thought you were sounding diplomatic."

I scoffed, blowing a piece of hair out of my eye and returning to my relaxation. Except it wasn't really relaxation. It was laziness. I couldn't relax with so much about to go down. Maybe I should back up. The reason Hikaru and I were speaking, getting along actually. You see, after our little encounter at the base of Soukyoku Hill, whereas I punched the living daylights out of the cheeky brat, he realized (begrudgingly, might I add) that I was actually formidable, that I actually had skill. And maybe, just maybe, I was named Fuku Kidōchō for a reason. So with a bitter twist to his expression one day after the incidents, he approached me with a chip on his shoulder, asking for my wisdom. Okay, so he didn't really ask for my wisdom, because the kid thinks he knows it all, he just 'needed a sparring partner.' So I agreed, under the circumstances that he wouldn't be a horrible child and I wouldn't be an insufferable bitch (heh, yeah). Maybe he had to buy me some sake every few nights too, but hey, a bargain's a bargain.

But over the last month and a half, we had actually come to a thin, sort-of-agreement. Not a spoken one, oh no. Because I don't really have a way with words. But we found some common ground, and now there was a companionship between us. Not set in stone, but not some flimsy friendship that wouldn't last. We were by no means friends. But… acquaintances would be a nice way to describe what we had.

"Your brothers." I opened my eyes slowly, seeing that Hikaru was now holding the frame in his hands, studying the picture.

"Uh huh."

"Why do you keep it if…" He didn't finish, just trailed off, breaking whatever tactless snide thing he was about to spit out. But it was already too late for me not to know what he was saying. He was going to ask why I still keep Reizo in the picture.

Reizo… his name still brought a shuddering amount of pain throughout me. It hurt.

It hurt a lot. That's all I could really say about it. His name brought on anger, rage. Not the kind of anger that wills you to make a move, but the anger that drains you. The anger that reminds you that you failed. Somehow in my lifetime, I failed.

And it haunts me.

But it was over, and I couldn't do a thing about it. I didn't know if he was dead or alive. I just knew he was gone. I had to swallow the lump in my throat, "He was a good brother to me for a couple hundred of years. I'll give him some credit."

It was quiet for a few moments, and Hikaru spoke again, "I don't understand."

_Of course you don't._

I didn't think anyone could comprehend the love I had felt for him, still feel for him, even though he went as far as stabbing me in the gut and leaving me there, clearing my memory. He raised Hosyu and me from scratch in the slums of Kusajishi, and he defended us with his life. He fed us, loved us, provided shelter and warmth.

And that's why we never saw it coming. He was a good _fucking_ brother.

"I don't expect you to."

But one thing had bugged me from the time that I suddenly remembered. When Aizen had made me remember my brother's true face.

If Reizo really attempted to kill me, really wanted me dead, why did he still take the precaution of erasing my memory…?

* * *

"Ichi, ni, san, yon, go…"

"You can leave mine out tonight, Rangiku-san."

"Hazumi-channnn~!"

"Uhg!" I hated the feeling of suffocation. And if each time I saw Matsumoto this happened, sooner or later I would die from asphyxiation. "Can't- breathe!"

"Oh! Ha-ha! Sorry, Hazumi-chan!" She backed away, and I gasped for air.

Sweet, sweet, oxygen.

I rubbed my throat, raising my black eyes to meet her soft blues, "Someday that'll be the end of me, Rangiku-san."

She laughed again, waving her hand, "Oh stop it. Now what's this about not drinking with me tonight?"

That's right. I had walked into the Jūbantai barracks to deliver a special report to Hitsugaya Taicho when I so elegantly ran into Matsumoto counting our usual weeknight, hell every night, sake glasses. But tonight I wasn't drinking. I was too focused on a few things.

"Ahh, I've got too much to do, Matsumoto. Gomenasai."

"Iiieeeeee~!"

Dear lord it sounded as if she had already started. "Aa."

"One drink then!" My lips twisted, and I looked to the side.

With a sigh, "Just a drink, I've got a few things going on."

The bosomy ginger cheered, grabbing the bottle and pouring me a cup, dragging me over to the couch in the center of the room. I leaned against the cushions, taking a sip of the alcoholic beverage and sighing, closing my eyes. It was uncharacteristically silent, and then, "Daijoubu desu ka?"

I cracked a lid, meeting an equally uncharacteristically serious face. "Genki desu, Rangiku-san. I've just got some crap to deal with…"

Like my next assignment, and the fact that my brother was a psycho and I murdered three innocent academy students. God, I needed to sort my life out. Intervention, please.

"Kampaiii~!"

As I leaned back against the comfortable couch, I thought for once in my life, I was grateful that Matsumoto was completely wasted.

She didn't see how close I was to breaking.

How close I was to losing it.

"I'll drink to that."

And I downed it.

* * *

My office was still, clean, and quiet. It was raining today. It was dark as the thunder clouds rolled in; completely engulfing the beautiful Seireitei sky. I didn't like it. I didn't like anything right now. I just wanted to go to sleep.

"You're goin' to the human world, huh?"

_Well damn._

I grunted, not lifting my gaze as I glanced around my office once more before turning to my visitor.

"You know why?"

I rolled my coal-black eyes, too grumpy for this. "No, Hosyu. I'm just going to get some fresh air."

Hosyu sighed, probably because of what he called my _trademark bite_ or something. "I don't like it."

My lips twisted as I stared at my brother, "It's my job, don't be a dick about it," after a beat, I added more grudgingly, "I don't like it too much either."

Hosyu was silent for a few moments, and then as if he came to a crucial decision, he held up his hands in surrender, "Okay, you're leaving soon, right? Let's try to get along for the rest of your time here."

Hah. He sucked at playing peacemaker. With a quirk of my heart-shaped lips, I walked by my taller sibling, "We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God."

Eat that, nii-san.

Stopping at the window, I watched the rain pour with my clouded eyes, lacing my fingers behind my back. The big droplets hit the window in scattered _splats_, morphing the view I had of the street outside.

"Why are you going to the living world? Of all people, what business would the Fuku Kidōchō have there?"

_Why me, huh?_

_ "However, we are not finished…" _

_I twisted my fingers sharply behind my back, swallowing. _

_Well damn. Was I being punished or not?! _

_Yamamoto cleared his throat, soundin' like some old goat. God. "You have a new assignment, Nagasaki." I shifted my footing, leaning on my left leg. I tried to keep my face blank, but this was odd. Yamamoto never assigned me. I wasn't under his direct jurisdiction. _

_Then, as if sensing my confusion, Hilo Boggnamo stepped forward, his cane echoing throughout the soundless room. His beady brown eyes stared at me silently, and his beard was as fluffy and white as ever. I sometimes liked to refer to my captain as Ojii-san. I think he knew that… _

_"Nagasaki." His low voice snapped my attention to him, my sole concentration on this man. My commanding officer. I'd never tell him, but he had earned my respect over the years with his wisdom and grace. He knew what to do when things surfaced. I trusted his judgment wholeheartedly. _

_"A new Hollow's Nest has surfaced near Karakura Town. On the radar, it had read relatively weak in comparison to some of your former assignments. Regardless, you are to report to the human world under Hitsugaya Taicho and eradicate this Nest. Afterwards, you will wait for further instructions."_

Hollow's Nests. Something you would run into solely in Hueco Mundo. However, it seems hollows have become more advanced over the years, smarter, deadlier. In highly concentrated areas of condensed spirit particles of the living world, we were seeing a massive amount of hollows moving in.

Many different locations.

That's where the Kido Corps came in. We went in, exterminated the hollows and detonated the Nests, blowing it to kingdom come.

So why the Kido Corps?

Why not just hand the job to the Gotei 13?

Well, the detonation process requires complete control of one's own reiatsu and highly skilled Kido techniques. Something the Corps is famous for. So, the jobs were handed to us. The Nests are spotted by the Research and Development department, and the reports are sent to us, where we are assigned and sent out. Something the Gotei 13 helps splendidly with.

Sounds simple enough, save for the fact that you're going into a _nest of hollows!_

Did I mention that it's literally a nest? Like a bird's nest or something.

Or maybe like a cave. It depends. But it's like you're actually going into something.

And you might not come back out.

But yeah, I got over the initial shock of the situation years ago. The fact was, and still remained, that hollows were not supposed to be residing in the living world, and they were obvious danger to the inhabitants of said world.

"A Hollow's Nest…"

The rain was coming down harder now.

"Yep."

I could hear it on the roof, dousing everything.

"I don't like it."

I sighed, closing my eyes. Of course he didn't.

"Then you'll be pleased to hear I've got you on call. Standby, if you will."

Hosyu blinked, "What?"

I yawned, turning back to my befuddled brother. "'Take whom you please,' was what Boggnamo said. You've got your duties here, so I'm not dragging you out to the living world on a whole lot of nothing. I may not need you. But I've got you on call just in case."

My brother smiled slightly, "You've sure got some connections, pulling me from the Onmitsukidō on Corps business. I know Soifon Taicho isn't liking this."

"Soifon can shove it up her ass."

Hosyu's smile morphed into a full blown grin, his emerald eyes sparkling, "You know… if we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide."

**"Hadō 1: Shō."**

There was a loud _crash, _and a few low groans, followed by some very noisome curses as my brother so elegantly hit the wall, conveniently causing my full bookcase to wobble, towering down on him.

"Oops."

* * *

**So, just to get things moving. Information mostly.**

**Had to give her some reason to get in the human world.**

**Since there's not really information on the Kido Corps, I've taken the liberty of making something up for them. How fun.**

**As always, your thoughts are nice.**


	14. The Living World

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**TRECE:**_

_"The Living World"_

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_The best thinking has been done in solitude. The worst has been done in turmoil.

**- Thomas A. Edison**

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The living world was as bustling and boisterous as I last remembered. New automobiles raced down the streets, and shop after shop lined the engaged circuit of Karakura Town.

My, my, my, how was I supposed to keep up with _this?_ I could handle the city, but man, that was at least a century and a half ago. Lots had changed since then. Like these flashing neon signs and little portable phones I had come to learn as 'cellular telephones.' I had been given one; more of a hollow tracker, but still, it was pretty neat.

"What are you thinking, Hazumi?" My eyes found Rukia's, who had taken to walking beside me on our little trek to Karakura High. We had to reacquaint ourselves with our favorite substitute shinigami, and of course we had to just enroll in the school. I mean really, I could have gotten by without enrolling; I probably wouldn't even show up.

My lips curved slightly as I took in the surrounding city, black eyes filling with energy. "It's been awhile."

I needn't elaborate on my statement, for Rukia's curled lips said it all. "It is a little overwhelming, isn't it?"

There she goes. I chuckled slightly at my friend's predictable behavior, empathizing with me the first chance she got. Rukia would never change. Rubbing the back of my head, I raised my inky eyes to the clear blue sky, feeling lighter than I had in days. Maybe it was the sunshine…

"We're here."

There we were, indeed.

The school towered over the seven of us, like some foreboding castle. Something along the lines of creepy and tortuous came to mind, but maybe that was from my own biased mindset. After all, my schooling experience hadn't been all that great. Hitsugaya was already making way to the doors, but I stayed put, enjoying the warmth from that great big ball of fire in the sky. "You coming, Hazu-chan~?"

My nose crinkled at the thought of going inside, leaving the warmth, so I glanced at Matsumoto, who had stopped at the door, Yumichika and Ikkaku hesitating in the doorway. I was surprised they were stopping. For Ikkaku, we had a very long, drawn-out argument over why the hell he needed a wooden sword at a high school- seriously?- and Yumichika, how 'unappealing this uniform was on me.' Oh yeah, that hadn't blown over too well. He may have lost one of 'attractive' feathers in his hair in the duration of that conversation…

"You lot go on ahead, I'll catch up."

Matsumoto nodded, and the three disappeared behind the doors, leaving me to my peace.

Or so I had thought…

"Seems you finally did some soul searching… and found one."

"Was that your clever quote of the day, Renji?"

"Oi! I'm clever in more than one instance in the day!"

"Of course. What am I thinking?"

Said baboon clapped his large hand on my head with a bark of laughter, ruffling my blonde hair. I ground my teeth in irritation, waving my fist at his back as he stepped in front of me, continuing on in the school. Silence.

Wait- where'd Rukia go?

Blinking, my gaze swept the courtyard, searching for the petite shinigami. Could have sworn she was right beside me… I didn't hear her go inside. Huh. With a shrug of my shoulders, I looked up to the sky once again, seeking that light feeling that I had just lost. But when my gaze raked over the tall building, solace was the last thing offered to me.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING RUKIA KUCHIKI?!"

Yep. My eyes had landed on my short friend, who was scaling the massive building. I didn't receive an answer, so I just watched the crazy woman climb, sighing in exasperation as she continued.

_Okay, Hazumi. Remember, she's not stupid. Maybe she's just possessed by a retarded ghost or something._

And then she stopped at an open window, lifting herself to the sill and standing there. From her body language, I guessed she was speaking to someone, and I realized that that was probably the classroom I was supposed to be in.

_…Why the hell didn't she just use the door like everyone else? _

I heard some commotion from above, and a few minutes later I'm watching Ichigo fly out the window, don in his normal shinigami attire, with Rukia sitting on his back, phone in hand. At the time, it didn't strike me as odd. Because I was focused on something completely irrelevant to the situation at hand.

Ichigo's reiatsu… it was all fucked up. It was twisted and morphed and… reminded me of that time I felt it in Soul Society, when it was darker, nasty. Suffocating. Something was there, and it shouldn't have been.

It felt akin to a… _don't say it._

So instead of thinking, I found my feet moving in the direction that I had seen the two shinigami disappear, my mouth set in a hard line.

School could wait.

* * *

"She's back."

The warehouse was still, save for the occasional cough that came from a figure shrouded in the shadows, hunched over the bar, which stretched alongside the whole wall. Said figure grunted in acknowledgment, flicking her cigarette before stuffing it back in her mouth, inhaling deeply. Her olive eyes glanced at the voice, shifting her elbow so her head leaned on her hand.

"What are you going to do about it?"

The woman exhaled slowly, no longer bothered by the acrid smoke that filled her senses, poisoning her. Quite on the contraire, the noxious haze made her feel alive… made her feel _something_. She rolled her exposed shoulder, the strange grey tattoo rolling along with the blade.

"I'm not gonna do shit." She gripped the glass now in her hand, her cigarette between her forefinger and middle, "She'll do whatever needs to be done. She'll come if she needs me."

A strand of navy hair fell in her face, and she blew it away, yawning.

Behind the unresponsive woman, pink eyes rolled in exasperation, sighing. "I've never met more of an apathetic creature."

Olive eyes remained blank, snuffing the cancer stick on a small photograph lying on the bar, her mouth now twisting cruelly, "I beg to differ." The cigarette made a hissing noise, singing the small paper. Gloved hands lifted the butt, staring down at the now blackened Polaroid.

_How well that goes with her eyes…_

_

* * *

_

It was official.

Rukia was a pro at verbally abusing vulnerable people. Except this time it seemed as if her words hit straight to home with my favorite sub shinigami. And I didn't quite enjoy this as much as I usually did when it came to other people's pain. Maybe it was because Ichigo here wasn't suffering from physical pain, which was usually really hilarious.

No, it was that stupid mental pain ringing out in his mind, reaching out to me with its dark… crap. I didn't even know what it was, I just felt it. I _felt_ his inner turmoil, like his conflict was tangible or something. And I felt that other presence, making my stomach wrench with uneasiness. I wondered how Ichigo was feeling right about now. I mean, here I was, standing yards away- in a _gigai_ for goodness sakes- and I could feel his pain. I wondered how strong it really was. But standing there watching my former subordinate beat down the orange-haired shinigami, I felt how true those words rang out. I saw his pitiful expression, felt the conflict, felt the hesitation and the fear. I could _feel _how difficult it was for him, but everything Rukia was saying was completely true.

So when he finally killed that measly hollow before him, and Rukia smiled with satisfaction, I stepped forward, rubbing the back of my head in mock annoyance. "Couldn't have said it better myself, Kuchiki. Nicely done."

Rukia glanced in my direction with those big, violet eyes, lips curving. As for Ichigo, well, his reaction was a bit more. "You too!?"

I laughed quietly, watching his tawny eyes widen and his shoulders slump. The dark feeling abated bit by bit, until it was just in the back of his mind, therefore in the back of mine. Good. That experience was quite odd, and I didn't want to relive it anytime soon.

"It's good to see you too, Ichigo."

He rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, before heaving up his sword and half-smirking at me, "Didn't expect to see you here. You with Toshiro, too?"

As I stared into his tawny eyes, I hesitated. There was something about my assignment that still unsettled me, and I didn't really want to bring it up anytime soon. I just wanted it to be over with. Plus, I couldn't bring myself to get over that second presence in Ichigo's mind, and that really filled me with uncertainty. I felt… connected. And I didn't really know how I felt about that.

So instead of answering directly, I averted my coal eyes, shrugging half-heartedly, "You could say that. So, now that everything's all smiles and sunshine, I suggest we get back to the school. I believe your exit wasn't exactly… subtle."

I heard Rukia chuckle quietly and start walking, by me, and then she was on her way, and I went to turn, too.

Ichigo's voice had my step faltering, however. "It's good to see you, Hazumi."

He sounded different, so I turned slightly, meeting a soft expression. His eyes were less hard, and his face was relaxed, and was that an almost smile?

Huh. How odd.

I felt my lips curl infinitesimally, and my coal eyes softened to soot, "Yeah. Rukia must've hit you on the head or something."

I heard him snort in laughter, before he too started walking, by me, glancing at me as he passed. And there was something there, in his gaze. Like he was trying to convey something with that one look, and I was only getting part of the message. And that one part was that feeling of connection. That unsettling, unnerving feeling that had me wavering in the next thing I was going to say. I watched his back for a few moments, taking in the sight. It had been awhile. And I could truthfully say I had _somewhat_ missed the hardheaded kid.

"You coming, slowpoke?"

And then the feeling was gone, and I scoffed at the stupid shinigami. "Yeah, yeah… annoying pri—"

"Man, Renji was right. You've got no manners whatsoever."

"I'll show you manners, strawberry."

"OI WHO YOU CALLIN' STRAWBERRY?!"

"COME HERE AND LET ME SMACK YOU!"

"YOU SENILE OLD HA—!"

_CLUNK! _

"Oops…"

* * *

Like hell I was going back to school.

"Oi Hag, where you going?"

_Thunk._

I lowered my fist from Ichigo's face, eyebrow twitching. "I thought I told you not to call me that, Kurosaki."

He cradled his bloody nose, brows pulled, "What the hell?! Get anger management, woman!"

"You wanna see anger management?!"

"Hazumi-san."

"Bring it on, Blondie!"

"I'll busta cap in your ass!"

"Hazumi-san…"

"I'd like to see you try, old woman."

"WHO YOU CALLIN' OLD-?!"

"NAGASAKI!" By now Ichigo and I were nose-to-nose, glaring daggers at one another. I blinked, turning my gaze slowly to meet Rukia's annoyed form, seeing her eyes scrunched, teeth ground. "Yes, Rukia?"

She muttered under her breath, "I swear, you two are like five year olds…"

We were about back on campus, and my two shinigami friends were continuing on their merry way, while I took a left, effectively diverting my course to the city. I didn't want to go back to the school. There was no point, now. But Ichigo and Rukia stopped me, well, Ichigo did. Because he was just the patron saint of Karakura.

"Where are you going?"

I stepped back, yawning. "Eh. I've got some business to take care of. You two do, too, apparently. That's why you're goin' back to the school, right?"

Ichigo blinked, surprised. Rukia just stayed silent, staring at me. So maybe she didn't know about my assignment either. Okay so maybe the only ones who were fully aware of my current commission were the Soutaicho, my captain, Hitsugaya, and my brother. Sure, it struck everyone in our group a little odd that I was joining, seeing as I wasn't in the Gotei 13, but hey, no questions were asked so I didn't find a need for answers.

Don't ask don't tell policy, oh how I loved it.

"Right…"

I smiled slightly, it not quite reaching my eyes, and pivoted, "I'm sure you two will be just fine without me. You know I'm not good with that sentimental crap anyways. Give Inoue my best."

I was walking away now, holding up my hand in a small wave.

Behind me I could hear Ichigo, "How'd she know…?"

And Rukia, "I really have no idea…"

* * *

The rest of the day was passing fairly quickly. By sundown, I was at my targeted destination, the one and only Urahara Shoten. I approached the shop slowly, walking my normal pace, cracking my neck. I hadn't seen Kisuke Urahara in over a hundred years, around the same time Reizo disappeared. At the exact same time the big group of Taichos and Fukutaichos disappeared. And I knew what had happened to them thanks to that file Boggnamo Taicho had given me during the time of Ichigo's infiltration of Seireitei.

I yawned as I stepped up to the shop's doors, reaching out to grab the door-

"Hazumi-chan~! Oh how it's been so long!"

And successfully falling over as the one and only Kisuke Urahara yanked the doors open with that overly-cheerful demeanor of his. I was officially seeing stars.

_"Uhg."_

The blonde shinigami blinked, craning his neck, "Hazumi-chan…?"

* * *

"Thank you, for the tea, Tsukabishi-Sensei."

"It is my pleasure, Hazumi-san. It has been too long."

I smiled slightly, nodding at the muscular man that I knew as Tessai Tsukabishi, also my former Sensei in the art of Kido. When he had mysteriously disappeared along with Urahara and my fellow Fukutaichos and Taichos, I had been just a pupil of his, not in the Kido Corps, but the Fukutaicho of the Yobantai. That changed after a number of years, but by then he was long gone.

"So Hazumi," my favorite cat-woman started, her yellow eyes serious, "what brings you here?"

Placing my cup on the small table, I looked between the two very skilled shinigami before me, black eyes turning serious as well. "Aa, well. I'm here on Corps business."

I shifted slightly, uncomfortable in the short, stupid grey skirt required for the school. I didn't even step inside of it, too…

"I imagine you are."

I rubbed the back of my neck, sighing, "So I imagine you are aware of the Hollow's Nest just a few kilometers north of the city?"

Kisuke raised a cup to his lips, "Aa. You're here to take care of this?"

I nodded, lips twisting, "They said it was relatively weak on the radar, but…"

But it didn't feel weak from here. I was squirming all afternoon when I thought about it. The thing was, maybe Soul Society's radar was broken. Because I sure as hell felt it from here.

"They've sent you alone."

Not a question coming from the pale blonde shinigami, but rather a mild statement. I shrugged helplessly, at a loss for what to say. Urahara cracked a smile, having been serious this whole conversation. "Well, I can say Soul Society hasn't been inadequate in their work force these last years. After all, it seems you've become quite stronger. I wonder…" here he paused, raising his dark blue eyes to mine, shadowed by his striped bucket hat, "Why haven't you taken the commanding position of the Corps yet?"

I blinked, taken aback. Me, lead the Kido Corps?

My lips twisted dryly, "The thought never crossed my mind."

Yoruichi rolled her eyes, her lips curling slightly. They both knew that I would never take on a job with that much responsibility. Or maybe they didn't. A lot had changed in the last hundred years, including me. I'm sure Urahara could see that. True, back then I was lazy beyond doubt, but I didn't have the same personality as I had now. I was a lot brighter, in the happy sense, back then. I had come close to attaining true happiness then.

I'd never get it now.

"You're surely strong enough, Hazumi-chan."

What was Urahara playing at?

I leaned forward, my black eyes narrowing, "You've never been good a flattery, Kisuke. What are you getting at?"

Hah. Gotcha. Urahara's eyes widened a little, for theatrics, and he held up his palms, "I don't know what you mean, Hazumi-chan. I'm merely making an observation. But speaking of getting at things, how are your brothers?"

I leaned back a little, moistening my lips. What a twat.

_Brothers._ Plural.

My voice had an edge to it now, "He's gone, Kisuke. What more do you want me to say?"

It was tense now, and as I stared at Urahara, I saw that this was not the direction he wanted to go.

_Tough luck, buddy._

He tilted his head a little, "Ah. So you know."

I looked to the side, lips tipped, "Yeah."

_Got the scars to prove it, too._

"I'm sorry, Hazumi—"

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault. I'm sick of people saying sorry, because you know what?" I turned back to the two respected shinigami, "Sorry isn't going to change anything," my hands fisted on my knees, "It's not going to alter the fact that he speared me like a cattle, or betrayed the only thing we knew. It's not going to change the fact that he's gone and he's not coming back for anything good. I don't even know—"

I couldn't say it. Even after all this crap, I still missed my brother. I was fucking nuts.

_I don't even know if he's still alive._

I swallowed thickly, making my way to my feet, "I came here to inform you that I'll be heading out in a few days to the Nest, but I'll stick around town for a bit. I'll be tending to some unfinished business, so if you need me, I'll be here for just awhile."

I had to get out of there. That crushing feel was there again, like the time when I was in Central 46, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep and not wake up for a long time.

I nodded my head curtly, "Thank you for you hospitality, Kisuke, Yoruichi. Tell Sensei I'm sorry for not sticking around longer, thank you."

And I left, clearing my throat before that crushing feeling could pull me under.

As I left, Urahara sighed, adjusting his hat. "She's changed."

Yellow eyes glanced at the blonde man, and then shut with a sigh, "You knew she'd catch what you were getting at."

The male shinigami brought the steaming cup to his lips, "I wanted to see how much her attitude had altered."

"And?"

"She's not as I remembered, for the most part."

"Stronger."

His lips curved, "Temperamental, harder."

_And certainly much more formidable._

_

* * *

_

It was dark.

I kicked a pebble as I continued down the quiet street, frowning.

Well hell. I didn't have a place to stay.

_"It's not going to change the fact that he's gone and he's not coming back."_

Nothing would change that. God, I needed a hobby. All this brooding was only worsening things. My step faltered as I recognized familiar reiatsu, and I lifted my head to the building I was standing beside.

"Kurosaki Clinic, huh."

Well, seemed that I found my place. I looked for a way in, seeing that Ichigo probably had a family and might think it odd if a girl randomly walked in looking for housing, and I spotted an open window.

_Bingo._

I moved to the side of the house, maneuvering my way up the wall, which was surprisingly easy to climb in this gigai, and I grabbed for the sill once at the top. Heaving myself up, I lost my footing, causing me to tumble in the room, groaning. "Stupid wall…"

"…"

Rubbing my head, wincing as I hit a particularly sore spot, I lifted my gaze to meet tawny staring back down at me. "What are you doing, Hazumi?"

I sighed, moving to get up, but hesitating as I saw Ichigo's outstretched hand. I took it and he hauled me up with little effort, watching me with a blank expression. I dusted myself off, not meeting his gaze, which was boring a hole in my head. "Hazumi?"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh right. Well, it's simple you see. I had an epiphany as I was leaving Urahara's today and it struck me that—"

"You need a place to stay."

I looked up at him, suddenly feeling like an idiot. Of course he couldn't house me. Rukia was already staying here; I could feel her presence. And there sure wasn't room for me. Ichigo stared back at me with a small frown on his handsome- _handsome?!_- face, his lean frame towering over mine. I realized he was in sweatpants and a white t-shirt, and he looked tired. Oh. I probably woke him up. But that didn't consume my attention. What did was that dark presence, just a little speck now, but I recognized it anywhere.

Unsettling.

I blew out a breath, averting my gaze behind him, "Just tell me where Matsumoto and Hitsugaya are."

He was quiet for a moment, and I took the time to step back to the windowsill, placing my hand on the smooth surface. "Inoue's."

I nodded, "Thanks."

And turned around, about to jump out-

"What's with you?"

Hesitating, hand gripping the sill, not facing him. "What are you going on about?"

"You're acting weird."

My lips curved unnoticeably.

What a broad phrase, Kurosaki.

He continued, "No insults. No arguing. Something's up with you."

I ran my hand over the sill, stilling once I heard his tone. Ichigo was surprisingly perceptive. I hadn't thought I was portraying anything 'weird.'

"Must be your imagination, then. Get some sleep, idiot."

Silence.

"Hazumi—"

But the orange-haired shinigami didn't get to finish his argumentative sentence, because at the same time we both sensed the same thing. Strong reiatsu.

Strong _hostile_ reiatsu.

"It's them…!" Ichigo turned to the door, "Rukia!" But she was already there, phone in her hand. I watched her panicked expression as she counted the numbers on the small device, listened to her explain what the entities were doing. My mouth set in a grim line as I heard the words _massacre_ and _regardless of opponent's reiatsu._

Well then.

With a sigh, I popped in a Gikongan, rolling my eyes as my body started drooling, the black eyes swirling. "Stay here."

_"Gragh!"_

I blinked, once, twice, at the mod-soul that inhabited my body, surprised.

Did that… did that thing just _growl_ at me?!

"Hazumi." With a glance behind me, I saw Rukia and Ichigo ready, expressions set.

Ichigo's gaze lingered on me for a moment more before rushing by, and I stilled as I heard him say something but not discerning what it was.

_What are you thinking, Ichigo? And what the hell is with that God-awful presence?_

"Let's go, Kuchiki."

"Hai."

And so we were off, this pit in my gut expanding each second.

_Ichigo's reiatsu, these seven new guys, and that Nest. _

_Man, my reiatsu radar is all fucked up._

Little did I know that was the least of my worries.

* * *

**And the action begins.**

**Tell me what you think :)  
**


	15. I Don't Need Your Help Now

**Hello, hello. Chapter 14. Hooray.**

**I'm loving writing this. It's quite fun.**

**Thank you, reviewers. You help tremendously.**

**Motivation? Hell yes.**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**CATORCE:**_

_"I Don't Need Your Help Now"_

_

* * *

_

Don't hold me up now

I can stand my own ground

I don't need your help now

You won't let me down, down, down!

_Rise Against_ - **Prayer of the Refugee**

* * *

There was one near the Nest.

Dangerously close, too close to have been a coincidence.

As much as I wanted to stay by my two friends' sides, I put an abrupt stop to the run we were pacing, and I looked back, towards the aura. The street we were taking was quiet, and streetlights lined the pavement, illuminating only bits and pieces of the broad road.

So much was in darkness.

I had been running beside Ichigo, and since his reiatsu was only moving further and further away, that told me he either didn't know I stopped, or he didn't care. "Why'd you stop?" But it seemed Rukia noticed. Of course.

"There's one in the opposite direction."

_Near my assignment._

Rukia furrowed her brows in concentration, scrunching her eyes. She looked like a kid again, I thought with a smile. It was a long time ago though, that she had been able to act like a kid. Growing up in the slums did that to you. Robbed anything you had of a childhood. Then violet eyes snapped open, stunned, "I nearly missed that one."

My lips tilted, and with hard black eyes I turned back towards the strong entity, my unease growing. Why would it be so close to the Nest, in the middle just trees and grass and rocks? It was outside the city limits. No one was there. No one to kill.

Unless its objective wasn't to kill.

But what good would going to the Nest do…? I took a step forward, and Rukia called out to me, "Alone?"

I stilled, lips quirking in a flash. Of course I would go alone. I didn't see anyone volunteering to help.

No. I was being stupid and bitter.

They wouldn't volunteer because they had their own shit to handle.

_Like you've got yours._

I raised my hand in a nonchalant manner, blowing her query off. "Aa. It'll be okay; I should be the least of your worries, Kuchiki," I continued, glancing over my shoulder at the petite woman, a sly grin curling my lips, "If anything, I outrank you in every count. Therefore I should be questioning why the hell aren't you getting your ass in gear and following Ichigo. He probably needs your help more than I would need it."

It took a second for my words to settle in, and even then she only cracked a small, exasperated smile.

Good. At least it was something, and she was getting off my case.

Her voice was the gravest I had heard in a good long time, "Be careful, Hazumi. These… Arrancar—"

"Are strong. Yeah. I got that. You watch your back, you got me?" And I looked at her with my coal eyes, giving her a good hard stare. She held my gaze, unwavering. That's what I liked about her, she never backed down. Even as a new recruit way back when, she didn't flinch under my 'hard, unwavering stare', as my brother liked to call it. She was just that type of person. Tough. Unflinching. She nodded, lips tipped in a frown. I looked at her for a second longer, before turning completely, stepping away. My frown now deeper, my eyes heavier, my expression grimmer than I could let her see. In my next step, gone in a flash.

But Rukia stayed for a second longer, watching me leave. Her fists clenched at her sides, and she stared with a weighted gaze.

_He needs you more than I, Hazumi._

_

* * *

_

"She's close."

Coral orbs gazed unfaltering at the still figure, who had taken to lying on the battered couch in the warehouse, arm draped over her face in an exhausted manner. Oh yeah, she had done some real _strenuous_ work lately. The figure remained silent, lifting her toned arm to place her cigarette back in her mouth, olive eyes opening to stare unblinkingly at the ceiling. After a long silence, "What do you expect me to do, Mon?"

The figured donned as 'Mon' sighed, rubbing her face with weariness. She was leaning against the bar, her short frame none-too intimidating to her slightly less-caring friend. Her uncommon fuchsia hair fell in layers, framing her small, heart-shaped face. Her lips curled in a grimace, arms flying out in a gesture, "I want you to do _something_, Barry! For God's sakes, we haven't seen the woman in two hundred years and all you do is sit around and drink and sleep and smoke! Christ, you'd think I'd be used to this lethargy by now!"

The small woman finished ranting, breathing heavily as she vented. The figure on the couch, Barry, was quiet, only exhaling slightly as her smaller friend went on. Silence met Mon's exclamation, and she sighed deeply, knowing how this was going to end. Barry flicked her cigarette with a light gesture, closing her eyes slowly. The atypical tattoo on her shoulder stood out against her pale skin, and her navy hair was sprawled out underneath her.

"Feel better now?"

"Yeah, that felt really good actually."

"Good, wouldn't want you to explode."

Despite herself, Mon smiled slightly at her friend's specific vocabulary, knowing good and well that the cobalt-haired woman would love to see anything explode. She wasn't a bombs specialist just for the mechanics. Hell, the pyromaniac was a genius.

Said pyromaniac spoke up, surprising the smaller woman, "I told you, she'd come. Patience is a virtue, Mon."

Mon snorted in disbelief. "The day you start preaching to me about virtues is the day Hazumi willingly walks through these doors and welcomes us back with open arms."

Yeah, that'll be the day.

The reply was quiet, that uncaring air set in stone, still so nonchalant.

"That'll be sooner than you think."

* * *

"Sode No Shirayuki. It is one of the most beautiful zanpakutous in Soul Society. A weapon that's bound to the ice and snow family of zanpakutous. That blade, the hand guard, even the hilt, everything about this zanpakutou is pure white… Pyon."

Ichigo flatly stared before him, "What a bunch of crap."

Rukia's mod soul had taken to sitting on him, pulling his arms back and rendering him useless and immobile. Just to keep him out of the way. The mod soul spoke more about Rukia's power and Byakuya's intervention of her position in the Gotei 13, all the while Rukia walked up to them, watching with a dull expression.

And then, something struck the orange-haired shinigami.

"Oi, where's Hazumi?"

With a sweat-drop, Rukia sighed, "You idiot. You just now noticed she was gone?"

He blinked, and sure enough, with another glance at the barren street, the fair haired shinigami was a no-go. His brows furrowed, and a frown tipped his lips, "Where'd she go?"

Hadn't she been just right beside him…?

Ichigo's frown deepened as he watched Rukia think, brows pulling tighter. Rukia glanced in the direction she had taken off to, also frowning.

_It'll be okay, I should be the least of your worries. _

"There was another she went to fight."

The sub shinigami stopped struggling against Rukia's mod soul for a moment, looking down at the pavement which he was being crushed against. Something unnerved him about the girl's departure. Something about the way she looked when she came tumbling through his window. So… full of some bad feeling. Insecurity and a sense of loss and sadness. She was as discombobulated as he was.

He'd never say it, but in that moment they were the most similar they had ever been.

_"Must be your imagination."_ And she denied it, of course.

_…You idiot._

Rukia spoke up, "She'll—"

And a crushing reiatsu had her stopping midsentence, "Good thing it was over quick… a bit too quick though."

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques officially onto the scene.

* * *

Well, that explained a lot.

I crushed the little cube-like object in my hand, watching the silvery pieces fall and hit the dirt with little _plops, _a pensive frown coating my features. Whoever I was up against was real clever. I had arrived just before the Nest, seeing as it was actually more like a cave situated deep in the greenery north of Karakura, to find a reiatsu condenser just outside the grimy place. That explained why the shinigami I had accompanied here hadn't picked up on the Nest yet. I only felt it because I had known of its presence and kept tabs on it all day. And despite whoever's attempts to hide the Nest's aura, I knew Yoruichi and Kisuke would have long known about it. You couldn't hide something this tedious and potentially threatening from them.

But this… this wasn't some mindless hollow's doing.

Something was here that had rational thoughts, something that knew about the shinigami's arrival. Something that was familiar with modern shinigami technology and knew how to use it.

"You look like yer thinkin' hard there, girl."

I lifted my gaze with the same blank expression, not showing the shock that threatened to rock my lean frame as I registered this new arrival's presence. Standing up above was a relatively thickset man with short yellow hair and amber eyes. And fragments of a hollow mask placed high on his cheekbones, right under the hollow of his eye.

Well, that explained it.

I leaned on my side, neutral. "You one of those Arrancar we're hearin' about?"

I could see the man's grin from where I stood, "Yeah, girl. _Sol Claro, Decimocuarto Arrancar._" **(1)**

Huh. So they were numbered.

In order of strength… or birth?

"Looks like you haven't heard much of us girl, or you wouldn't be standing here open like… this."

_Oh shit!_

_Wham!_

"I got a weak one. Well hott damn! I don't gotta do nothin'."

With a grunt, I pushed myself up from the cold dirt, wiping my mouth with the back of my fist. I spit out of the side of my mouth, grimacing as the metallic taste of blood filled my senses. What the hell was that?! I hadn't even felt him move!

"Girl…" He was right above me now, and my eyes widened as his heavy fist came down again, just missing my spine by inches as I jerked out of the way, making a desperate noise in the back of my throat as he still landed a hit; I felt a rib crack. I felt the air shift as he went to deliver another crushing blow, and my body went on autopilot then. With a not-so-graceful roll, I managed to dodge his thick fist, groaning as I felt my torso ring out with a pang.

And if I took one more second drawing my sword, my face would have been sushi.

Sol Claro smiled maliciously down at me, and I noted his teeth were a disgusting shade of yellow. "Yer pretty fast for a shrimp, girl."

My black eyes narrowed, and I ground my teeth from the effort I was putting forth through Kuria-Dei.

_Fuck. _With a flash I was gone, and the arrancar's sword hit the dirt, slicing air. I landed a few yards away, gripping Kuria-Dei so tightly my knuckles were turning white.

Sol Claro barked a laugh, "What's yer name girly I wanna hear the name… of the shinigami I'ma kill."

My lips twisted, and my narrowed eyes were glued to the overweight Arrancar. "Hazumi Nagasaki, Fuku Kidōchō of the Kidōshū… so you can stop callin' me girly."

The Decimocuarto Arrancar stared at me for a moment, before speaking, serious. "Ah. The Kido Corps. I think Aizen-sama mentioned it. Though he didn't mention you. So," he grinned, leaning forward, "I think that means you're not worth my time."

And he flew at me.

I blocked, exerting just as much force as he was, jaw set.

_**The others are not fairing so well, Hazumi. **_

Another block. Move forward. Dodge left, swipe. Stupid fat Arrancar just wouldn't stop moving. Why the hell did such a beefy guy move so damn quickly?

_**Ichigo Kurosaki is struggling. **_

_What the fuck do you want me to do about it?_

Why was Kuria-Dei telling me this?

Did she _want_ me to lose focus?!

I mean damn, I could barely fair with this guy, and now she's adding to my worries.

She was right, though. I had been keeping tabs on both Kurosaki and Kuchiki since I left. And Kuchiki was down and out.

…Ichigo wasn't doing so well either.

_**If you decide to release me, I suggest you tread carefully where that substitute shinigami is concerned.**_

_Are you telling me not to release you…?_

With a particularly nasty slash coming from Sol Claro, I pushed forward, lips compressed and face blank as a cut appeared on my cheek, creating a little line of blood that ran down my face. This sucked ass. Majorly. Why the hell did I have to get that damn limit release seal on me as well? I wasn't in the Gotei 13, and the damn seal, called the **Gentei Reiin**, wasn't even required of me. Until now. Yamamoto mentioned it, and Boggnamo agreed to it. I wanted to punch them.

You know what, to hell with Kuria-Dei's puzzles.

I added more force to her thin blade, shoving the hefty Arrancar back, giving me enough space to suck in a breath, **"Ravage, Kuria-Dei!" **

Rubble and dust filled the air, and it impeded my line of sight for a few moments.

…But it impeded his as well.

I glanced down at my zanpakutou. Kuria-Dei's blade was very thin, and sharp to the touch. She glinted in the starlight, and I gripped the now black hilt tightly. I felt her power moving with me, aiding me. And I felt so much more, too. Already being sensitive to reiatsu, it was easy keeping up with my friends' conditions. But now I felt as if I were right there with them. Hitsugaya was down; he had won, but I sensed his injuries. Matsumoto and Renji were beat, but they had come out successful in their respective fights. Rukia was down. And Ichigo… was done. But I didn't just sense his reiatsu; I _sensed_ his disappointment and self-disgust. And that dark presence closer now.

"That's a pretty small sword you got there, girly."

My eyes hardened, and I held Kuria-Dei out in a spin; the normal routine. "I thought I said," the atmosphere condensed, and everything got heavier as I lifted my hard gaze to the corpulent Arrancar, "to stop callin' me girly."

"Wha—" And then the inescapable sound of flesh _ripping_ had the Decimocuarto Arrancar screeching with the clear-cut pain that Kuria-Dei was always so hesitant to deliver. Seemed this time she didn't mind as I watched an arm fall to the ground, useless, immobile.

_**That abomination of Aizen's didn't deserve my mercy, Hazumi.**_

"YOU LITTLE—"

But the Arrancar didn't finish, because one second he was there, and the next I'm being pummeled to the ground, not even able to catch my breath. I felt another rib go, and I gasped for breath as I felt his fist collide straight to my gut, making me cough something painful.

Kuria-Dei was no longer in my grip.

"I'll finish you, Fuku Kidōchō."

He was standing over me, his stumpy arm leaking blood profusely, and a nasty grimace on his angered face. How the hell was he still kicking my ass? Was I really this weak in comparison?

_No._

My lips twisted cruelly, "The hell you are."

And a crushing reiatsu had both of us stopping, freezing. My eyes were wide as I tried to pinpoint from where it was coming from, and in that time I didn't really register the Decimocuarto Arrancar straighten, step away from me, towards the Nest.

Away from me.

"What…?!"

God it was like a fifty pound weight was just chillin' on my chest! I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. This reiatsu was killer. It was malicious and violent and so strong. And it was coming from the Hollow's Nest.

And then it was gone.

I blinked, groaning. "We will finish this later, shinigami."

_What?_

I watched Sol Claro walk away, back to the Nest, now at the entrance.

I leaned up, making a desperate noise in the back of my throat as I felt the unmistakable pain of a few cracked ribs. And probably some other damage that I wasn't registering.

He looked back at me, "This is not over… I will kill you."

And he disappeared inside, not even a trace left.

* * *

It was a struggle, getting back to everyone. Despite my experience with injuries, they never got easier. In the end, they always hurt, and they always were troublesome. I deduced that I had 3 cracked ribs, my jaw was bruised, and that's as far as I got. I didn't really care about anything else. Anything else would be too much right now.

I was too fucked up to think. Too many things were wrong.

What was right?

But when I finally caught sight of my friends, I breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of some of that heavy dread I had been slugging around all day. Only a little, though.

Everyone was okay.

Sensing everything was one thing, seeing it was another.

"Nagasaki!" My gaze fell on a seated Renji, Rukia and her mod-soul beside them, and Inoue, just finished with her healing process. I approached them slowly, walking so I wouldn't bother my injuries anymore than I already had, expression neutral. "Yo."

The red haired buffoon blinked, "You look like you just got dragged through the dirt, Nagasaki. What the hell happened to you?"

I stopped walking when I was close enough to speak, puffing out my cheeks. "At least I don't always look like shit."

"OI!"

I glanced away from the idiot baboon, meeting violet. Rukia was watching at me, silent. She compressed her lips, stared me down. My lips quirked slightly as I thought how I had appreciated that backbone she had earlier; now I didn't like it quite as much. I hated being analyzed.

"You look swell, Rukia. Feeling better?"

She was quiet for a moment, then spoke, "I almost forgot how keen your sense was. Yes I'm fine. But you aren't—"

"Good." I cut her off with a leveled look, and I was quite surprised I could pull it off. Renji said I looked like shit, well, I felt like it too. I wanted to fall asleep for awhile.

"Hazumi…" I stiffened as I heard my name, being spoken with such an uncharacteristically soft tone. Turning slightly, my eyes found tawny. Soft, melted, bronze.

_Weak._

"Are you—"

"I'm fine," my frown deepened as I looked past him, not able to hold his gaze, "It isn't me you should be concerned about. You…" I couldn't speak to him. This… feeling. It just emanated from him, oozing like some contagious festering wound.

…Okay, not the most pleasant example, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

_Sadness. _

_**You two are more alike than you think. **_

Kuria-Dei, just spewing her wisdom.

_Hag._

I glanced back at him, speaking quietly, so only he heard my words, "You know, at the moment, I'm hating my zanpakutou." I looked up at the night sky, continuing. "She's a very empathetic, and sometimes sympathetic, zanpakutou." I didn't see his eyes widen, just a bit. "It's hard to cope with, you know? How do you deal with all… these… feelings. Emotions. Physical sensations. It's difficult to know when to act on a feeling, and when not to. It's plaguing."

Plaguing was the exact word for the two of us. It was quiet, and I looked back at the sub shinigami, seeing he was watching me. I muttered under my breath, but I know he heard me seeing his features change, "I understand. As much as I hate it, I feel it. And I hate it. It's ironic, the pairing of my zanpakutou and I."

I just stood there, looking at him, watching how my words sunk in. He seemed to get the gist of what I was saying. His orange hair was matted with blood, his handsome- _there's that handsome again_- face soft and vulnerable, just listening to me. His tawny eyes still soft, and his expression was really just one of… loss.

I pivoted then, faltering in my step as I felt the _pang_ of my ribs. I felt Ichigo's hesitation behind me; he wanted to help. And he couldn't. That made him feel worse. It was his job to protect, after all. I hadn't been protected.

That was some seriously sick masochism. It actually angered me to think of protection. Because it brought me back to all those years ago, holding back my brothers and being the weak little sister who needed help with everything. The one who couldn't do anything by herself because she was younger and inexperienced. And not self-sufficient. She was weak.

_I was not weak._

My fists clenched at my sides, and I spat venom, "I don't need help. You _fucking_ idiot."

I took another step. And I fell.

Darkness.

* * *

**(1) 14th**


	16. Family & Old Faces

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**QUINCE:**_

_"Family & Old Faces"_

_

* * *

_

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.

* * *

_Gales of wind welcomed me as I opened my eyes, and the harsh rain beat down in sheets. The sky was a nasty dark shade. Blackened clouds rolled in one by one, forming a blanket over the vast heaven. There was no light. No cracks in the black sheet layering the sky's surface, not one. _

_**"You're really something, you know that?"**_

_ I was seated on the creaky wooden dock, hands flat against the planks. The ocean roared underneath me, angry and violent and wild. Untamable waves crashed against the small dock, the whitecaps bursting in white claps against the wood. I was watching the sea with mild interest, only nodding slightly at Kuria-Dei's observation. I could hear her just fine, but she was standing on the next dock, a few meters to my left. _

_We were never on the same pier. _

_**"It's that damn pride. Of course you need help."**_

_ "Sod off, Dei." _

_**"Will you ever accept me?"**_

_The million dollar question. "Of course I accept you. I just will never act like you."_

_**"And Kurosaki?" **_

_I snorted derisively, looking over at her, eyes blank. Honestly, I didn't know what she meant by that. Her blue orbs softened, and she uncrossed her arms, no longer defensive, or offensive for that matter. Maybe a little warmer now, __**"You care for him."**_

_"'Course I do. I care for most friends." _

_Her lips slanted, and she jutted out her hip, leaning to the side. Kuria-Dei was a rather short and simple woman, clean. Pure. Beautiful. But she saw things in shades of grey, while I saw things in black and white. Opposites. _

_**"It's more than that."**_

_My lips twisted skeptically, and my inky eyes cut back to the ocean. More than that? I didn't really think so. I didn't give Ichigo special treatment. Yeah, I liked the kid. He was everything I wasn't, pretty much. I admired him, and conversation came easy with the ginger shinigami. _

_I enjoyed his company._

_** "That's it. Keep thinking."**_

_I blinked, brows pulling as I quickly brought my gaze back to my zanpakutou, raising my fist. "What the hell?! Stay outa my head, you crazy…!"_

_**"You enjoy his company huh." **_

_"Is that a crime?"_

_**"You don't enjoy anybody's company. He's different."**_

_ That wasn't true. Was it? Yeah… I didn't really enjoy anyone's company. I wasn't really the social type. If anything, I didn't like people._

_ Well shit. _

_"Do me a favor, Dei?" _

_**"Hm?"**_

_"Just stop talking." _

_Soft laughter was the last thing I heard as a particularly nasty wave rose, engulfing the pier. _

_Crashing._

_

* * *

_

My eyes fluttered open slowly, and it took me a few moments to gather myself.

Where was I?

"Ah, there she is. Up an' Adam, Miss!"

I groaned as I attempted to twist my torso to see who was speaking, but someone put a hand on my bicep, gently restraining me, "You shouldn't move. Getting hit by a car does quite some damage."

My inky orbs finally adjusted, and I realized I was in a room. In a bed. The room was simple, a poster on the wall, a desk with a chair and lamp and a closet. It was small. Wait a minute…

"Miss?" I blinked, eyes landing on a rather tall man with black hair and brown eyes, some facial hair, and a smile pasted on his face.

"Can you hear me?"

He was standing by the bed with a glass of water in his hand, a bottle of painkillers in the other. His brows were furrowed, and he leaned down, scrutinizing me. I opened my mouth, surprised that it felt so dry, and I swallowed thickly, nodding. I leaned up slowly, wincing. He silently handed me the cup, and I gulped down the crisp water, clearing my throat when the glass was empty.

"Thank you," I said quietly, moistening my chapped lips and looking around again. It took me a few moments to place where I was. Ichigo's room. On his bed. Which felt like a rock, by the way.

"Well, good to know you can move. Let me introduce myself. I'm Isshin Kurosaki, and I run the Kurosaki clinic just downstairs. My son actually brought you here after the hit and run last night."

Hit and run? Hah. What an unoriginal story. I nodded slowly, grimacing, "I certainly feel like I got hit by a car."

He smiled, and I noted he had lines by his eyes, probably from smiling. Huh. "You've got four cracked ribs, three broken, and a dislocated jaw, which I've treated. It will hurt for a week or so, but by then it should be relatively normal. You're bruised pretty badly, and your arm," he gestured to my right, "may be sore, but nothing serious."

I glanced at my arm to which he gestured, lips twisting when I saw the discoloration.

I'd give it a week to heal if I couldn't heal it myself. "Ah, well. Thank goodness for the Doc. Thank you, Kurosaki-san. I appreciate your kindness."

The dark-haired man waved it off, "Not at all. Now, you just rest—"

"I've had enough resting, sir. And I thank you, but I better be off."

Isshin blinked at me, then barked a laugh. "You think you can move around?"

I placed my hand on my shoulder, rolling it. Popped my neck and my back, grunting slightly when I felt the unmistakable annoying pain of these rotten _scrapes._ Swinging my legs off the side of the bed, ignoring the nagging pull of my strained muscles, I slowly stood, lips tipped in a frown as I switched my gaze to Ichigo's dad, steadying myself. With a light shrug of my shoulders, "I've got work to do."

He frowned, "You shouldn't…"

My lips slanted, "I've had worse."

"Worse than getting slammed by a thousand pound bullet?"

I blinked, forgetting that he was human. I did sense some spiritual energy though… "Ahh," I rubbed the back of my head, closing my eyes, "you know, yard work and such. Ojii-san has me working day and night."

He stepped beside me, leading me through the house. "Ah. I see from your uniform that you go to my son's school. Do you know him?"

I glanced down, seeing that in fact I was still in that God forsaken uniform.

Huh. Since when did I get back in my gigai…?

Looking back up, "I see him from time to time. You've raised a good one, Kurosaki-san."

He smiled back at me, "You think so?"

I nodded, mostly to myself. Yeah, he had. An idiot, but definitely someone to be proud of.

"Onii-chan isn't coming ba~~~ck!"

Blinking, I looked towards the next room, confused.

"Oh no!" Isshin glanced behind to me, "Do you mind, Nagasaki-san?"

I raised my eyebrows, gesturing for him to get in there. And just like that he disappeared off into the next room, doing what I guess a father was supposed to do. Guess Ichigo told him my name…

Gritting my teeth, I extended my arm to the wall for support, leaning over gingerly. I didn't feel so hot.

_A heavy fist crashing down, pummeling, crushing, knocking me senseless. _

_I felt a rib go. Blood sprayed._

Fucking Arrancar beat the shit outa me. He _was _strong. And he was 14th? But what was that, that stopped him? That reiatsu. It had come from the Nest. Dear Lord… I was supposed to face that alone?!

During my thought-rant, I had eased to the next room, which I saw was a kitchen. Isshin was in there with two girls, one with sandy blonde hair and the other black. They were both short and young, and I assumed they were his daughters, Ichigo's siblings. He never mentioned siblings. Actually, he never mentioned any of his family.

"Oh Nagasaki-san, these are my two daughters, Yuzu and Karin."

Two pairs of eyes flew to me, and I waved slightly at the younger girls, leaning against the doorframe. The one with sandy hair spoke to me, "Do you know where Onii-chan is, Nagasaki-san?!"

The one with black hair groaned, "How would she know, Yuzu? She got hit by a car!"

She glanced at me with her big dark eyes, "You know you shouldn't be moving around."

I compressed my lips as I looked between the three, feeling something bubbling up inside me.

Something empty.

_Loneliness._

I shrugged slightly, pushing off the frame, "Probably. But I should be getting back, Ojii-san expects me at work."

"Even though you're injured?" I glanced at the girl, holding her gaze. She reminded me off her brother.

Persistent.

"Work is work. Some things you just gotta do," I looked back at Isshin, who had taken to leaning against the counter, looking at me, "how much do I owe you, Kurosaki-san?"

He was silent for a moment, watching me with those dark eyes, and then he waved me off, "Nothing. You couldn't help what happened to you."

I frowned slightly, "That's no way to make a profit."

His lips curved, "Just think of it as a thanks for dealing with Ichigo."

I blinked, stepping away, nodding my head slightly.

Then he said something else, causing me to stop. "… And for staying and having a meal with us."

"…"

"Think of this as your payment."

Well damn.

* * *

Getting out of the Kurosaki household took a bit of time, but I didn't leave uninformed. So Ichigo had a mother who died, and his two sisters and father loved him very much.

_"Hazumi-san, if you see him…" I blinked at the small girl, my eyes melting when I saw her soft brown orbs. She was worried about Ichigo, and she was sad. _

_I bent down to her eye level, ignoring the pain with a small wince, "Hey, listen to me," her eyes held mine, "Your brother's an idiot, we both know that." She uttered a small, watery chuckle. "But I'm sure wherever he is, he's alright. After all, he wouldn't let anything happen to him when he's got such a worried family here."_

_ I didn't see Isshin and Karin watching me, Isshin with a small knowing smile, and Karin, her face softening. _

He had a nice family. I liked them.

_Family. _

_Loneliness. _

Man, I wish Hosyu were here.

With a sigh, I kept walking, checking my pockets and smiling in victory as I pulled out my Gikongan, popping it in my mouth. A few seconds later I was staring at the mod-soul that inhabited my body, rolling my eyes as it started drooling once again. "Oi, listen up."

It turned its gaze slowly to me, and its eyes had this dull sheen glossed over.

I rolled my inky eyes, sighing. "Go to the Urahara Shoten and stay there, you got me?"

It nodded slowly, growling…?!

And then it was gone. Good. I had much to do.

And much to worry about.

_Ichigo_…_ where are you? I can't_…

_I can't feel you._

* * *

I stopped outside the warehouse, which was thick and dinky. Two familiar reiatsus emanated dimly from inside, and I compressed my lips tightly, hands fisting at my sides. Well. I was here. I wasn't just gonna stand out here all day. Pushing the heavy doors open, I made my way inside the unilluminated storehouse, glancing around. I knew I was in the right place for two reasons.

The obvious one was the reiatsu I was sensing.

But the other one was visible; cigarette butts lie scattered everywhere, and along the far wall was a bar, stocked with all kinds of alcoholic beverages. Yeah, I was definitely where I needed to be.

"Wow, Barry was right, you actually came."

I stepped carefully, aware of all the trash and such on the ground, towards the battered couches and coffee tables next to each other. The person who had spoken was a short girl with coral pink eyes and darker fuchsia hair. She was wearing workout shorts and a formfitting t-shirt, and she stood casually to the side, like she was seeing an old friend.

Yeah, right.

I stopped by the couches, looking over the back to see a sleeping figure, a still burning cigarette in her limp hand.

She'd never change.

"You must be desperate."

Barry was sleeping as loud as ever, her arm thrown over her eyes and her navy hair scattered everywhere. And the smoke, goodness. Just as I remembered.

"Aren't you gonna say something?"

"Yeah. Shut the fuck up."

A light chuckle came from the recesses of the worn couch, and I leaned over, my gaze meeting olive. It hadn't done that in two centuries.

_Not long enough._

"Nagasaki. What a pleasant surprise."

I sighed, straightening and crossing my arms, painfully aware of my stupid ribcage. "Obviously not a surprise. Not a whole lot of pleasantry on my part, either. But I've got a job, and I need your assistance."

Barry was quiet from her position on the couch, but I heard her toss her cigarette and grab another, lighting it up with a flick of her silver lighter.

"You know Hazumi, you can't just come in here demanding. It's actually quite bitchy."

I flicked my gaze over to Mon, who had taken to leaning against the bar, her heart-shaped face pulled so it was morphed in an unbecoming frown. My black eyes turned to coals, and my lips twisted slightly, not really bothered by the stupid kid. "And you're actually quite annoying."

"What was that?"

"I believe it was something along the lines of 'utter one more word and we'll see how bitchy I can really get.'"

She opened her mouth, then closed it, so she looked like a fish outa water. I snorted derisively at her put out expression.

"What do you need, Hazumi?"

My charcoal eyes flew back to olives, and I noticed she was sitting now, that estranged tattoo filling my sight. It was a dark shade of grey, and it was really like little thick crescent shapes in blotches over her whole shoulder, only a little bit of skin showing underneath the ink patch.

"I need a bomb, Barry. You think you're willing to work for the good of Seireitei again…?"

"Oh come on, it was only one little bomb."

"That killed about a hundred people…"

"Because they sucked anyways—"

"Who were going on trial—"

"And would have gotten off, you know that. I only saw to it that they were punished."

"You weren't the one who had to sift through that wreckage looking for survivors…"

Silence. Ah, gotcha.

About two hundred years ago, Barry here, the most intelligent person I knew of the whole Gotei 13 and the best bombs maker in the business, blew a whole prison ward to kingdom come, annihilating everyone and everything in it. True, the rat bastards that were in it were total crap, but they would have gotten what they deserved in the end. About thirty innocent shinigami were murdered that day in the ward, and Barry was sentenced to death. However, the day of her execution her cell was found conveniently empty, and the cuffs that blocked the usage of her reiatsu were found lying on the floor of her cell, the key inside. She had escaped. No one knew how.

Except me.

"What kinda bomb?"

_"I'll finish you, Fuku Kidōchō." _

_Another rib cracking. I can't breathe. Pummeling me, and then…! _

_Crushing, violent reiatsu. _

_So damn heavy and powerful. _

_Where…? _

_And then I knew. _

_The Hollow's Nest._

With a blank expression and flat voice, "The strongest one you got."

She glanced sideways at me, exhaling a puff of smoke, flicking her cigarette. Her lips quirked infinitesimally, and her olive eyes studied me for a few moments. "You're serious."

"When am I not?"

"Touché."

Inhale. Let it sit, exhale. Being beside Barry after these many years was awfully comforting, and it made me feel slightly homesick. But not of my home now. Oh no. The only thing I really missed from home now was Hosyu, and I guess Tottori. I was homesick of my home years ago. Where I had Barry and my two brothers and the Vizards, who weren't Vizards back then.

Things were better back- _no._

They weren't. I was living a lie, then. Because my brother wasn't really all that good, so my happiness was artificial. And Barry had made her choice.

_No matter how much I really agree with it, it's not my job to._

"A penny for your thoughts?" I barked a dry laugh at my old friend's query, knowing good and well she didn't give a damn.

And then Mon had to come in. "You're not seriously going to do this, Barry? I mean, she'll get you killed!"

When I turned back to her, she cut me off, "I know you will. You were reluctant to come here, and if it's you or her, you'll pick yourself. I—"

"Do you want me to kill you?"

She stopped for a second, and she narrowed her stupid pink eyes, a nasty smirk curling her lips after a moment. "Tell me, Hazumi, how long has it been since you've killed an actual, living breathing person…?"

Silence.

_That bitch._

"Dare I say," she paused, holding out her fingers like she was counting the years, "your schooling day's maybe…?"

And then she was against the wall, my hand around her throat. The stupid girl just didn't know when to shut up.

I spat venom, "Yeah, maybe I'm a little out of practice. Apparently it's been too long. Wanna be next?"

The anger came from nowhere, and I didn't even register the words that were coming from my mouth. All I knew was I was angry, and Mon had set it off. It was like the anger was just bubbling deep inside, burning through me like fire. I _wanted_ to hurt someone.

I _wanted to hurt her. _

Bad.

_**Stop it, Hazumi.**_

And then it was gone.

My grip on Mon slackened, and I retracted my arm like I had been burned. I ignored her hacking when her feet touched the ground, and I ignored her attempts to breathe. Did I…?

"I'll make you your bomb Hazumi. It'll take around a week or two though, if you really want it to _BOOM_."

My voice sounded dazed, "Yeah, sure."

I almost…

_Dei, did I just…?_

"Well shit. Remind me to never to piss you off. Cranky bitch."

I glanced at Mon, seeing she was rubbing her neck, which was now an unbecoming shade of red and purple.

_Oh my God_.

_**You're unstable.**_

Was I…?

God.

I had enough things to worry about, I didn't need this too. Speaking of which… "Oi, Barry."

A loud exhalation, more smoke. It didn't bother me as much as I remembered it… "I need you to wrap my ribs with that special thing you used to do. Think you can handle it?"

"I noticed you were walkin' kinda funny. Yeah, I guess I can. Got no choice, really. How tight?"

I was beside her now, moving to sit on the couch. Compressing my lips, muttering, "Guess that depends on what stage he's in…"

I knew where he was now. It occurred to me as I was on my way here. That presence, it was a hollow's presence. I knew where he was now. And he was being smart about it. But he didn't just need to disappear. He could have said something. It hurt… Why?

Why did it hurt to know that Ichigo had left without telling me anything?

_Abandonment._

_Was I being abandoned?_

_**Watch yourself, Hazumi.**  
_

And something else. More words of wisdom from my all-knowing and genial zanpakutou. I never listened to her, though. Things always went awry, despite Dei's attempts to help. And this would be the exact same. I would still ignore her, and apologize later.

_I suggest you tread carefully where that substitute shinigami is concerned. _

_

* * *

_**Love to hear your input.**_  
_


	17. Healthy New Experiencs…?

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**DIECISEIS:**_

_"__Healthy New Experiences…?"_

**

* * *

**

You don't drown by falling in water; you drown by staying there.

**- Edwin Louis Cole**

* * *

I barely felt her there, and if it weren't for the sudden breeze that had just swept over the bustling streets of downtown Karakura, I would have missed the minuscule trace of my friend. It didn't strike me as odd when I felt Inoue Orihime's nearness, seeing as she resided in this town. But when I felt someone fall into step beside me, I glanced to my left, seeing the busty girl smiling up at me.

My black eyes studied her for a moment before lightly greeting the ginger, "Hello Inoue."

"Hazumi-san," she greeted, that warm smile still painting her face. Her eyes weren't smiling, though. And something was shielded in her expression that had me suddenly wary.

I glanced away, a frown tugging at my lips. Huh.

But Before I could make anything of it, she blinked her grey eyes and spoke with an innocent look, staring right at me, "Do you smoke, Hazumi-san?"

My brows furrowed, and my eyes cut back to the shorter girl, blinking, "Uhh, not consciously…no?"

She wriggled her nose, scrunching it, looking like a child, "I smell smoke."

She glanced around, trying to identify the source, and I realized it was me. With a snort of laughter, I recalled Barry continuously flicking her cigarette and exhaling, filling her warehouse with the acrid scent. After a fruitless search (on Inoue's part), we continued walking in silence, until I looked up to the setting sun, a frown now touching my heart-shaped lips. "What brings you out here, Inoue-san?"

The silence wasn't thick, but I sensed her unease. Plus, I was extremely aware of my fluctuating moods, and Kuria-Dei's words from earlier had disturbed me. My genial zanpakutou had tried to quell my uneasiness with sugar-coated words and comfort, but I pushed her away. I didn't need comfort, I needed hard facts. I needed things to happen.

…I needed to know if Ichigo was okay.

She quietly cleared her throat, "I'm worried about Kurosaki-kun."

Compressing my lips, I glanced at the troubled teenager, seeing her big grey eyes now full of concern. She _was_ worried. Orihime locked eyes with mine, continuing, "Aren't you?"

It took me a moment to speak, but when I did, it came with great effort to keep my tone light, "Yeah. I tend to worry in some lesser degree when one up and disappears."

I was worried that the idiot was in way over his head and his damn hollow would consume him, but I didn't voice that. It occurred to me earlier that I shouldn't go to him, that I might screw things up. I had a job to do anyways, and comforting the substitute shinigami wasn't part of it. It would probably be frowned upon anyways.

But I so badly wanted to go to him and just do _something_.

All while those thoughts raced through my mind, Inoue blushed some ruddy color, stammering, "I-I didn't mean it like that, it's just…"

She rung her hands nervously, and our pace slowed as we turned the corner, near some park now. I moved to stand opposite of her, leaning against some railing of the sidewalk and studying her with my charcoal eyes.

With arms crossed below my breasts, I sighed, turning my head and speaking, "If you came to me for solace, you're sadly mistaken, Inoue. I'm not here to make people feel good. I don't know how. Actually," a deep frown tipped my lips as my black orbs narrowed, and I felt her gaze glued to me as I spoke, "I've been rather off task with my assignment… Anyways that's not the point. The point is… if Ichigo left without telling us, then there must be a reason."

As I spoke, I found some wisdom in my capricious words.

_There must've been a reason._

"I'm sure it's not any of us. It's him, and he's fixing it, I guess. We can help him with distance, or we can find him and kick his ass and attempt to help. Either way, I'm sure he knows everyone's concerned and he's just being a selfish ass."

And just like that, I knew my solution then.

It was simple. I realized I had no real qualms with Ichigo, no bone to pick with him. Well, save for the fact that he thought he needed to protect _everyone_. And he had been upset when I hadn't been protected. But he was an idiot, and that didn't matter. He would see that soon, I couldn't always be protected. My job didn't call for it.

And I was grateful for that.

But sometimes we all acted selfishly, and sometimes it was for the best.

I should have known that better than anyone.

Little did I know, during my whole thought process, Orihime watched me. She watched the way my face morphed with emotion, the way my eyes hardened and softened as I came to my conclusions, and my tense posture. She saw my inky eyes, she read them. And she learned that I was struggling as well.

So when she spoke quietly, jarring me out of my thoughts, I was surprised to hear what she had to say.

"It upset you that he didn't tell you."

Blinking at her perceptiveness, I gestured helplessly with my hands, shrugging, "I thought he knew me better than that."

She was hesitant about her next question. "What are you going to do, Hazumi-san?"

Heaving a breath, I rubbed my face with my palms, feeling slightly better.

Lighter almost. It was like my chat with Orihime had quelled the thought that Ichigo had some personal vendetta against me and gone off just to spite me. Because when I recalled my last words to him, it seemed plausible.

_I don't need help. You __fucking__ idiot. _

Yeah, I could see that he wouldn't tell me even if he were to tell someone. But I had been angry, and he had been stupid for thinking that I needed protection. Goodness, I was five hundred seventeen years old. I'd think if I had survived this long, I was in the clear.

I stepped away from the railing, this time not having much difficulty with my aloof nature, "Ah, I dunno. I'll go where my feet lead me, I guess," pausing, feeling slightly awkward now, "Ah, thank you, Inoue. Talking with you… made me feel much… lighter. It's good to know that… interaction with others still works, for the most part."

Unexpectedly, a slow brilliant smile broke out on her lips, and she squinted her eyes with happiness, rubbing the back of her head. "Anytime, Hazumi-san."

Walking off, I called over my shoulder, "Please, just Hazumi, Inoue. I'm not too good with honorifics anyways."

I didn't see her nod behind me, and I didn't see her watch me walk away, her gaze lingering.

A sad smile starting to tug at her lips.

_It's no wonder Ichigo cares for you so much, Hazumi._

_

* * *

_

This warehouse was larger, bulkier, bigger than Barry's. The cement was thick, almost intimidating. A smile touched my lips as I gazed upwards, studying the large barrier that was towering over me, the warehouse just on the inside.

It was like the well-built barrier was blaring down at me, saying something like 'You're my bitch.'

Quite intimidating to know I had to break through this.

Hachi's doing, no doubt. Seems he acquired some new skill in the last century. I placed my hand against it, feeling the rigidness of the Kido spell, and I felt the unconscious desire to walk away and forget about the place.

_Clever, Hachi. _

I wriggled my fingers in anticipation as I reached down to Kuria-Dei, sliding her out of her sheath and taking a breath. This was where they were, Ichigo and my old friends. I was going in, but it wouldn't be easy. Hachi was strong, and he put up an equally strong barrier. However, I'm sure he didn't anticipate my coming around and breaking in. Kuria-Dei was the perfect zanpakutou for infiltrations. Her reiatsu, so light and unnoticeable. So sharp and quick with her business. She was a Kido based zanpakutou, too. That helped tremendously in my line of work.

"Okay. Here we go… **Ravage, Kuria-Dei.**"

I watched her blade get thinner, so slight and lethal. I set my jaw, placing the tip of her blade to the barrier, at arms length. Using one of her most useful techniques, **"Guraindo!" **

And then there was a shift in the air, crackling, shaking. My eyes were glued to the barrier's surface, and I watched a fine line split it right in two, cracking the front of the orange shield.

_Now! _

I positioned Dei again, gritting my teeth as my will to forget about this place was engulfing my inner conscious, and with one last shove Kuria-Dei went through, causing me to tumble right into the barrier. I landed on my face, groaning.

God.

Infiltration never got easier.

Muttering a few curses under my breath, I lifted my head to see a colossal fault line on the surface of Hachi's barrier, and my lips broke into a wide grin, my eyes lighting up in seconds.

"Who's the bitch now!"

* * *

I kept Kuria-Dei in her shikai state. It made it easier for me to detect other's presences and their emotions, their motives and their movements. So when I entered the big warehouse, found the hole in the floor leading to the underground basement and started to descend the stairs, I knew the other's felt I was there. Or rather, _someone_ was there. I doubt they recognized me right off the bat. But really, I didn't know anyone in the human world as of right now who could pull off what I just did. Only slightly cracking the barrier and making it in was a feat, and I was quite pleased that I had accomplished that.

I was almost in sight now, and with another step, I saw them.

All of them. And they were all staring back up at me, shocked, appalled, wary. I stood at the top for awhile, before throwing up my arms and exclaiming, "INFILTRATION SUCCESSFUL, EAT THAT HACHI! HAHAHAHHA!"

It was quiet for a few moments, and then it settled in. I heard a few different reactions, actually.

"What the hell?!"

"Oh my…"

"Well look who it is."

"Tch, she would."

"HAZUMI MY FIRST LOVE~!"

"I'll kick her ass!"

I was at the bottom of the steps now, approaching my former fellow shinigami with a grin, black eyes glinting. And then I was in front of them, feeling very, very happy. It felt surreal, seeing them all again. Nostalgia flowed through me, and this time I embraced it. This was a good time.

I liked to remember them.

The first one I was reacquainted with was Shinji, who, I noted with a snort of laughter, had gotten a haircut. His long, blonde locks were gone, replaced with a shorter cut that had me laughing.

"Hazumi-chan, why must you laugh at me so?!" He cried, tears spurting from his brown eyes.

"You-you look like- ahahahha!- goof -ahahah-!"

"Spit it out!"

"I think the word she is looking for is 'goofy', Shinji…"

And cue the tears once again.

"Hazumi, what a pleasant surprise."

"Yes, it's good to see you looking well, Nagasaki."

I looked by Shinji, seeing Love standing with his arms crossed, and Rose lounging back, both staring at me. I grinned again, "You two don't look half bad yourselves."

"ZUUUMMMIII-CHHANNN~!"

"UHG!" My face was suddenly hitting the dirt with considerable amount of force, and I spit out dry soil from my mouth, grimacing.

"What the hell Mashiro!?"

She latched onto my neck, practically choking me. The lime-haired Vizard sat on my back, jumping, making me breathe in loads of dust.

"I MISSED YOU SO MUCH ZUMI-CHAN~!"

Dear God.

* * *

"He's in there, huh."

I couldn't see inside of the big barrier Hachi had conjured up, nor could I sense much. I sensed Lisa in there, though. She had taken to going first in the process of Ichigo's hollowification. "Yes, he is. But I'm curious, Hazumi-san… why did you come here?"

I was sitting beside good 'ole Hachi, facing the barrier and catching up with the previous Fuku Kidōchō, whom I had befriend so long ago. By now I had seen everyone again, and it was a good feeling. I enjoyed bickering with Hiyori and talking with Hachi and teasing Shinji. Everything here was like it used to be, and it wasn't. They were different, changed.

But Hachi asked me a predictable question, and no matter how predictable it was, I had trouble answering.

What was I supposed to say, 'Hey, yeah, I was just worried about that idiot Ichigo and wanted to see if you lot had killed him, no big deal. Oh yeah, did I mention I care about him more than I should…?'

_Yeah, okay._

"I…I don't…"

Hachi looked on with gentle eyes, reading me like a book. He knew I cared.

Sighing, I placed my face in my palms, groaning loudly. "I'm not sure how I can care about that imbecile you lot are training, but somewhere along the road I started to. He just gets into so much fucking trouble."

I heard the big guy chuckle from beside me, laying his giant hand on my bony shoulder, "Seems your manners haven't changed a bit."

I heaved a laugh, "Old habits die hard, I guess."

At the same time our gazes trailed back to the barrier, where a disturbing amount of reiatsu was pouring, shaking me. Kuria-Dei was in her sheath beside me now, so I wasn't painfully aware as I would have been when released, but it still was my power. My strengths lay in reiatsu tracking and sensing, and kido. Swordsmanship came second to that, and then hand-to-hand. I wasn't totally awful at hand-to-hand, my brother was in the Covert Ops… come-on, but it still came dead last to my other abilities.

I could hold my own if it came to that situation, though.

Moistening my lips, I tore my gaze away, searching for something else to focus on.

Ichigo in that situation made me nervous, God knows why.

I was an idiot.

"You've lost a lot of weight, Hazumi."

I blinked, looking up at Hachi, incredulous, "E-Excuse me?"

Then he leaned closer to me, hovering over me and scrutinizing my shrunken back form with his gold eyes. His voice was low and threatening, "Have you been eating right?"

With wide eyes, I nodded my head vigorously, fearing for my life because of that look in his eye.

I would think this was how a mother was supposed to act…!

And then he was back to normal, sitting peacefully beside me, like he didn't just turn into killer over there. "You've changed."

I regained myself, "You can't really tell me about change, Hachi."

"Yes, but we were forced into it. You were…"

He stopped, looking down at me with analytical eyes, and I averted my black orbs, frowning. After a moment, "You were forced into it as well."

"Reizo was a colossal force."

"Aa."

A shared silence was then between the two of us, and I close my tightened eyes, rubbing them with the heels of my palms. Of course Hachi would probe, of course he wanted to know how I was.

How I _really_ was.

"How long has it been?"

"… That's ten minutes. Hachi! Time for a shift change, open up!"

I raised my gaze to where Kensei stood, a watch lying in his hand. Shift change…

"Understood." Hachi started to concentrate, closing his eyes, scrunching his face. But when he started to mess with the barrier's walls, I stiffened, feeling what was inside. A multitude of things flew at me, that strong reiatsu, malice, hatred, anger, and a feeling of desperation, determination, panic. I realized I was reaching Ichigo from beneath his hollow form.

Kensei tensed, ready to spring as soon as there was an opening, but I stepped beside him, and he glanced at me from the corner of his eye, frowning. "Didn't even hear you get up. What do you think you're doin', Hazumi?"

My charcoal eyes were focused on the barrier, how this one little part was weakening enough for someone to fit through, so I didn't look at him as I spoke, "Might as well do something while I'm here."

He was silent for a moment, and then, "Tch, you're an idiot. You know you could die in there? You've never faced anything like this before."

"I've heard trying new things is healthy for the soul."

"You—"

But I didn't hear him finish, for when that space was completely open, I took off, racing inside the barrier.

And just in the knick of time I flash-stepped between Lisa and Ichigo, who was slowing being consumed by that hollow. My elbow hit him square in the chest, the force of the hit rocking my arm, and he screeched something awful, making my eyes harden to coals.

"Seems you get a break, Lisa."

She stared, blinking, at my back, surprised. "Hazumi…?"

"Switch!"

I didn't see her nod from behind me, but a second later she was gone, and I was in the barrier with Ichigo… or rather that thing consuming Ichigo. Kuria-Dei was in my hand seconds later, and I was spinning her by the hilt, as always. "Good ta see you again, Kurosaki."

The thing screeched, bolting for me, and I held up my zanpakutou, **"Ravage, Kuria-Dei!" **

He was coming, his sword poised to slash my throat, and then he was there, but I knew from the moment that I released Kuria-Dei something wasn't right. I felt a pull coming from him, draining me instantly. I made a sound in the back of my throat as I saw his sword coming down on me, and he screeched at me again, that awful sound ricocheting off the barrier's walls.

In those lose seconds before his black blade touched my thin one, I knew something bad was going to happen. The pull was coming from his sword; it was almost magnetic. It was bleeding me dry, my energy waning, and I hadn't even made contact yet.

So when I heard the violent _clash_ of our blades, I knew something terrible _was happening_.

Everything was slipping away, so quickly too. It was like one second everything was there, and the next I'm seeing only the outline of objects. And then Ichigo was pressing down harder, and I couldn't do anything about it.

_**Hazumi…!**_

And then everything was gone. It was black, and it was hard to breathe. Everything was dark, I couldn't see a thing.

What happened?

Was I dead?

No, I didn't get hit once!

I was standing in the middle of nothing. Nothing was there. And it was so difficult to breathe. All I had to do was inflate my lungs, and I would live. Damnit, just breathe. It's simple. It's ingrained for God's sakes! Just breathe…!

And then I was falling, falling through nothing.

What the hell?

…And I hit something. Something very, very uncomfortable.

With a groan, my black orbs opened, and the first thing I saw was a blue sky.

_Blue sky…?_

I leaned up, wincing as I felt the annoying tug of my ribs. Barry must have been out of practice. I put a hand to the side of my head, rubbing it gingerly as I attempted to gather myself. What the _fuck_ just happened?

"Well, whadya know. It's yer girlfriend, King!"

_King…? _I lifted my gaze slowly, attempting to pinpoint where the voice came from, who the voice came from. But when my eyes landed on a figure, I could have never prepared myself for what I saw. It was shell-shock to the extreme. Because what I thought I was looking at was Ichigo using his Bankai.

But it wasn't Ichigo.

Oh God, it wasn't Ichigo at all.

Looking at him, everything was wrong. I wasn't too hung up on his appearance, per say, but his expression, his poise, the energy rolling off of him in waves. Violent, violent waves.

His face, full of malice and… hate and ugliness.

I had never anticipated seeing that look on Ichigo's face.

And then he grinned, making my stomach churn to the _nth_ degree.

"Nice of you to join us, Hazumi."

* * *

**So. What's happening, hm?**

**Maybe it's a... CLIFFHANGER?!**

**Reviews make me happy!  
**


	18. News, Panic, and Attachments

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**DIECISIETE:**_

_"News, Panic, and Attachments."_

_

* * *

_Something always brings me back to you

**-Sarah Bareilles**

* * *

Slowly making my way to my feet, I kept my fixed gaze on this… this… what the _fuck_ was he?!

An imitation of Ichigo?

A… hollow? Was this… was this Ichigo's inner hollow…?

Moistening my lips, I glanced behind the negative carbon copy of my favorite sub shinigami, my black eyes landing on the real, one and only Ichigo. And boy was he messed up. Blood covered his front, abrasions and bruises forming on his chest, nicely toned by the way (_What the hell am I thinking_), and he was staring at me with one helluva bewildered expression. And looking at him, all fucked up from his stupid hollow with that dumb look on his face, I suddenly had the urge to yell at him. Because he most certainly looked pitiful. And why the hell did he look that way when his hollow didn't even have a scratch on him?

Idiot.

Forgetting about that… _thing_ standing a few yards from me, I gestured wildly with my arms, leaning forward, "What the hell are you doing, Ichigo?! Are you an idiot?! Kill that creepy… hollow already! For God's sakes, do I have to tell you everything?!"

It took a few moments for what I yelled to settle in, but once it did, he got this stupid annoyed look on his face, shouting back at me, "'What am I doing?' What are YOU doing?! How the hell did you get in here?! Stop naggin' me!"

I drew in a breath, waving my fist around, "I'll show you nagging if you don't get your ass in gear!"

"The hell you talkin' about?!"

"YOU—" And my breath caught in my throat as Ichigo's hollow appeared in front of me, totally blocking my view of the stupid ginger. He grinned down at me, those ugly yellow irises so empty of mercy, of feeling.

I felt my stomach drop to my toes.

"It's interestin', you bein here. Looks like ya see a little too much, in my opinion." If possible, his grin widened tenfold, and my eyes expanded as I watched him go for his sword, grasping it with enough strength to make me just a _tad_ more nervous. With a sharp, mocking laugh, he threw a glance over his shoulder, to where Ichigo stood, frozen.

Why… why was he so still? Why hadn't he moved yet?

"An odd one, ya got here, partner. Her of all people. You had ta choose one that had some weird-ass power."

His sword was at his side now, and I noted his muscles were tensed, ready to cut me at any time.

_What is he doing…? _

_Why won't… why won't he strike me already?_

I compressed my lips, glancing down at the sword in his grasp, very much aware that Ichigo's Bankai could do me some serious damage. I had never seen it in action, but I had heard, and I had felt. And I had some serious qualms about getting cut down by the likes of this guy. So while this hollow was teasing Ichigo, his eyes off my form, I moved to grab Kuria-Dei, ready to slice this asshole to ribbons and get the hell outa here—

Just to grab air.

In those next few seconds, everything moved so fast.

Ichigo's hollow noticed my movement, and turned back to me in a blur, swinging his sword horizontally, attempting to bifurcate me with just a flick of his wrist. With no other option, I acted on one thought, ducking down with an indistinct movement, feeling the tip of the dangerous sword just graze my hair. And he came at me, causing me to run, like a game of cat and mouse. Because I had no defense.

Kuria-Dei was gone.

She wasn't with me.

And now I was flash-stepping away, panic clouting my judgment, my whole thought process. How the hell was I going to get out of this mess without Dei? Jesus Christ, why was I even here? Where the _hell_ was that idiot Ichigo?!

"You best not think, Hazumi… it might cost you a limb." I didn't even sense him there. Just one second I was running, supposedly getting away, and then he was in front of me, impeding my path of escape. "If yer gone, it'll be much easier to become King," a sick grin lighting his face, causing my stomach to tighten in knots, "no hard feelings, Hazumi."

And his blade, so heavy with force and such strength, was coming down on me, and I couldn't move. Everything just stopped for me, except that blade, which was going to sever me in two. I couldn't even form a single, coherent thought as it came closer, closer until it was right there-!

_Clang!_

…_What?_

Swallowing thickly, I cracked a lid to see what just happened, eyes flying open as I took in the sight before me.

_What…?_

Standing with his back to me, holding his sword to block that hollow's, was Ichigo. His arms were straining with the effort, and I just stood there frozen, gaping. He just… Ichigo just… saved my life.

"Tch, so you can still move, eh partner? Well then," his expression morphed into a sick one, overflowing with wickedness, "let's dance."

And everything was moving fast again. It was like a film, watching it. Seeing that hollow _grab Ichigo's face_ and send him flying, I felt my gut twist with dread, and my heart dropped to my stomach. Hearing my dear friend crash into one of the many buildings made me wince visibly, and the sound echoed like a sonic boom. Ichigo's hollow just glanced back at me, tilting his head with a malicious smirk before stepping towards the sub shinigami, speaking.

But I didn't listen, I only watched the rubble and dust clear, spotted Ichigo and swallowed something thick, tried not to do anything stupid. But it was damn hard. I wanted to help, but I couldn't. I didn't have my zanpakutou, and there was no way I could defeat a Bankai without a little assistance from Kuria-Dei.

"Ichigo," my eyes were glued to the hollow as he held up his hand conversationally, just watching Ichigo struggle, "What's the difference between a King and his horse?"

I blinked at the carbon copy of Ichigo, not putting together where he was getting this. A King and his horse?

What was he going on about…?

"…What…?"

My eyes flew back to Ichigo as he leaned forward, blood gushing from a head wound.

Hm. Seems he didn't know, either. Stupid hollow. Said stupid hollow continued, bringing up his sword, "I don't mean some bullshit kindergarten riddle like 'one's a man and one's a horse,' or 'one has four legs the other has two,'" his voice was raising, and I could see the craziness of the damn thing. "Assuming they are two different beings, and their form, abilities, and strength are exactly the same. When one becomes the King and dominates the battle, the other becomes the horse and lends his power, but what makes them different, _that's_ what I'm asking!"

My eyes widened as his words started to form some kind of sense, his logic, piecing together.

He… of course.

_Of course, you idiot girl._

A hollow would love to take over a body. Ichigo's hollow, of course, wanted to take over.

"…There's only one answer." And his expression went from crazed to berserk, "INSTINCT!"

_Oh My God._

_This hollow… _

My black orbs flew to Ichigo's form, who was watching with the same expression as mine. But I bet we weren't thinking the same thing. He was probably… what? Terrified? Angry? I knew I was terrified, but I was seeing what this thing was saying.

_I knew I was nuts._

"The one thing needed to become a King is simply a fervent desire for battle and for strength! To crush your enemies without mercy, to rip them to shreds, to mince them to bits! To have an absolute lust for battle!"

I think I now understood what the phrase 'Inner Demons' meant. Ichigo's was by far the worst that I could have had ever imagined. My hands were fisted at my side as I listened to Ichigo's hollow, watched Ichigo's expression. This was a painstaking thing to do. I wanted to help; I wanted to do _something_. But I couldn't. This wasn't my battle to fight.

…And then I heard the worst thing possible in this situation.

It was one thing to hear it at a different time, at a time where you knew you were winning, when you were in the clear. But now, as I heard the distinct sound of a sword lacerating flesh, my black orbs tightened considerably. My chest heaved like it had a thousand pound weight on it, and I couldn't even form words as I saw the white sword stab Ichigo through and through.

_No._

His hollow was talking, his face twisted in some sick satisfaction, and he just went on and on.

I didn't hear what he was saying, but over in front of Ichigo, the hollow's lips curled savagely, "Yer the first to go, King. Then I'll reign," his wicked yellow eyes sliding to my shaking form, yards behind them, "And yer girlfriend over there will be next."

Tawny eyes widened considerably, a sound that I heard from yards away coming from the back of his throat.

_No!_

My hands were shaking as I took a step forward, my expression of loss. He couldn't… That stupid, ginger-haired, imbecile couldn't…!

And finally I found the strength to form words, "_ICHIGO!"_

Then… something changed. It took a second, but I felt the atmosphere shift around the sub shinigami, and I saw from where I stood that he had grabbed the sword that was so kindly protruding from his gut, and with a closer look, I saw it was changing. It was… turning black? I watched, dazed, as the hollow pulled back, his eyes wide, and Ichigo's back, facing me.

It was still, everything went still.

And it melted away.

My black eyes blinked rapidly as I adjusted, finding myself on one of the sideways buildings again, but… where was… was I alone? Oh for God's sakes—

"Hazumi?"

_Huh?_

My eyes flicked over to the voice, seeing Ichigo standing opposite of me, blinking his tawny eyes just as I had seconds ago.

_What the…? _

"You're not bleeding…"

He blinked again, glancing down at his torso to see, in fact, that he was unscathed.

My black orbs glanced around, narrowing once I fixed on Ichigo again, "What the hell is wrong with you, huh?!"

His head snapped back up, confusion lighting those tawny orbs that I had come to find I held a soft spot for.

_Dear God…_

My lips twisted, gesturing around, "I mean, damn! One second you're getting your ass kicked, and next we're… wherever the hell we are! Seriously?! Can't we just stay in one GD place, for one stupid second!"

"Hazumi."

"And you were getting your ass handed to you, too, you idiot!"

"Hazumi…"

"I thought you were dying there, what the hell were you—"

But I stopped, once I noticed he had moved closer to me, looking down at me with a peculiar look in his eye. And suddenly my anger morphed into some other feeling, and I felt my cheeks grow hot as I noted the proximity between the two of us had virtually diminished. A frown tugged at my lips, and I glanced to the side, speaking quieter now, "Fix this, Ichigo. Don't let that thing… just…"

What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn't find words for his situation. Yeah, I felt his desperation and… all that other crap, but it was harder without Kuria-Dei by my side. It was all fuzzy now, like a radio station losing its signal because the antenna is too far away.

So I said the only thing I could think of, the only thing that came to mind.

"Just cut him down."

I couldn't control the falter in my voice, how it shook, how I couldn't look him in the eye now. I swallowed something thick, repeating myself, trying to sound stronger, "Don't run from the conflict. Fight to get stronger. Fight for something…"

Everything was melting away again, meticulously slow.

Like a canvas coated with paint on a hot summer's day. Slowly bleeding off, with such articulate detail.

So without forethought, I grabbed the ginger's hand, leaning forward to rest my head just below the hollow of his shoulder. I felt him still under my touch, and then slowly relax, like he had to adjust to the proximity. Just staying like that, feeling oddly comfortable, feeling… warm. My voice was just above a whisper, desperate. "Just don't die, you blockhead."

And before everything faded, I felt his hand on the back of my head, a light caress, a soft gesture. But one with a whole lot behind it. Something he said, his voice low-toned, "Anything."

And I was gone.

***

Shinji stood over the fallen form of Ichigo, who had collapsed, exhausted. His face was turned to the side so he could speak, and breathe.

"How you feelin', Ichigo?"

The ginger's lips curved slightly, his mouth parting, "Well… not too bad."

With a toothy grin, Shinji grunted, "Really?"

And before the darkness could swallow him, "Hazumi…?"

Shinji glanced back, seeing the fair-haired girl sitting against a rock, arm placed on her knee, eyes closed.

She had just disappeared earlier, and just moments ago she had reappeared, disheveled and weary. Complaining about her ribs or something…

_What tha hell did she do…?_

"Just fine."

Lips curling infinitesimally, Ichigo chuckled airily, "Good…"

And he was gone as well.

* * *

"Why are you working for her anyways, Barry?"

Coral eyes gazed curiously at the seated figure, who had slumped over her work like some sloth.

She hadn't gotten up in hours…

"I'm not workin' for her, ya nosy cretin."

"Sure looks like it."

A soft sigh, followed by the continuous rapping of metal as the loafing shinigami concocted yet another one of her ingenious hydrogen bombs. Just add a little reiatsu to that, and you have one hell of an explosive. Barry narrowed her olive eyes as she moved her tool over, just a centimeter, _no_… "Dammit."

She rubbed her face with her palms, exhaling loudly as she popped her back. "I'm workin' with her, not for her."

A scoff, "And you're sitting here doing all the work…? Yeah, that's teamwork all right."

Passively, the navy-haired woman turned in her chair, eyes resting on her smaller friend, who had taken to hanging from one of the fallen rafters of the ceiling, upside-down. Her fuchsia hair was in tangles below her, and her arms dangled uselessly at her sides.

She stared at her for a few moments, expression clean. Then, "…Idiot."

"Oi!"

Pea eyes flicked away, and the woman carelessly reached for a cigarette, grimacing as she noted the pack was empty.

Mon gaped at her toned friend, incredulous. "Were you really just going to smoke while _making a bomb?!_"

Barry shrugged, leaning back in her seat. "…Yeah."

Cue exasperated groan from the rafters. "You are sometimes the most—"

"I'm makin' this 'cause I owe her, Mon."

The petite girl blinked as her friend cut her off, suddenly interested. Owe her…?

"What are you talking about, Barry?"

Said bombs artist slowly rose from her seat, making her way to the bar, passing Mon and grabbing for the cancer sticks that lay on the smooth counter. After she lit up, she exhaled, "She got me outa the death penalty."

_…What?_

Mon furrowed her brows, confused. The death penalty. Well, yeah. Barry was going to be executed for murdering those people, but she had escaped from her cell, because she was just crafty like that. That's all Barry had, craft and skill.

"What are you talking about?"

Barry flicked ashes onto the bar, lips curling infinitesimally at Mon's naivety.

_What a kid._

"I'm not superhuman, Mon. Hazumi was the one that slipped my ass outa there," a pause now, remembering, "she wouldn't just watch me die like that. Quite the criminal thing to do, though… At least, for her anyways."

Lips tipping, Mon jumped from her upside-down position, landing a little too gracefully for hanging like that for so long, and walked slowly to the couch, falling on the worn cushions.

Hazumi… busted Barry out?

How come she hadn't known…? Mon had been around then just like she was now.

How come she was never informed?

"You never liked Hazumi anyways. Didn't matter so much… I kinda liked you thinking I was badass."

As always, Barry had read her like a book.

"So… Hazumi's got quite a bit of dirt on her."

Unexpectedly, Barry barked a dry laugh, holding her cigarette between her forefinger and middle. "You can't even imagine, kid."

* * *

"Tch, you're one of the laziest people I know, Hazumi."

"Shut up, Kensei."

"You're not even going to train, not one bit."

"For your information, my zanpakutou and I are having a heart to heart."

"Bullshit."

I snorted in laughter as my charcoal eyes opened, seeing the silver-haired Vizard standing above me, that ever present pull of his brows coming into sight. That was like Ichigo, always scowling at something. Speaking of the ginger… "How's he doing?"

Kensei's lips twisted, and he plopped down beside me, crossing his legs and leaning his elbow on his knee.

"He sucks."

Another snort came from my direction, and I sat up slowly, rubbing my head from the sudden vertigo. Guess I had been lying down for too long… I blinked my eyes open, fighting the grimace that threatened to tug my lips as I felt the pull of my ribs, the sudden ache returning. Barry had done a good job with her wraps, but I knew it wouldn't block all the pain.

"Just heal yourself. You were always good at that, huh? Fukutaicho of the Yobantai and all…"

My black orbs cut to Kensei's brown ones, which were watching me lightly. However, I knew that look. Kensei was too analytical, and I knew he noticed my pain right off the bat. I shrugged halfheartedly, lips tipping, "Truth be told, I'm not feelin much up to it."

Yeah, maybe it was because I was _lurched_ into Ichigo's inner world and ran for my life from his psycho inner hollow, just getting by because the idiot saved me. _Saved me…_

He had saved me, hadn't he?

God, now I owed him.

_Well shit._

I was never too good with debts.

"I'm thinkin that was your zanpakutou's doing back there?" Glancing at Kensei, I saw his gaze was on Kuria-Dei, who was resting on the ground by my legs.

"Guess it was. She won't talk to me. I don't know what's up with her."

Quiet for a few moments, then, "You don't give a shit."

"She'll come around."

"Tch. Same as always."

My lips curved, "You expected a big change?"

Kensei sighed, leaning back on his palms, directing his gaze to the ceiling of the underground training area, which was designed to resemble the sky outside. Kudos to Urahara, it was as blue as ever. "With you? No," I saw him glance at my arm, "but you are the Fuku Kidōchō now. Some change that is."

_Change. Huh. _

Kensei was pretty much asking what brought on my transfer. I was quiet, pondering this. And during my pondering, I unwrapped the bindings of the badge on my arm, taking it in my hands to study it. It was the normal Fukutaichos badge, but it had the Kidōshū emblem on it, with my title engraved as well.

…I finally started wearing it shortly after Rukia's execution.

After I knew the truth, and after I finally felt as I deserved it.

"Just felt right, being there."

The sounds of a fight drew nearer to the two of us, and my gazed trailed towards the commotion, seeing Hiyori and Ichigo going at it. I watched the ginger pull a grimace, his muscles straining as he held off the powerful force of the short Vizard's blade, gritting his teeth as his feet dug into the ground. The stupid boy. He just couldn't stop.

_…Good._

"I'm surprised the kid even showed up. Bet he's scared as a kitten."

My lips curled microscopically, my inky eyes glancing at my Vizard friend, suddenly brightening with humor. "Huh. You know, he doesn't know the meaning of the word fear… but then again, he doesn't know the meaning of most words…"

"OI! I HEARD THAT!"

A bark of laughter escaped my lips, and my eyes crinkled as Hiyori started bitching at the poor soul.

"Why the hell are you concentratin' on what she's sayin, Baldy?!"

"STOP WITH THE BALD THING ALREADY!"

And they went at it some more.

It was sort of thrilling, watching Ichigo get stronger by using his mask. It amazed me to see the vast difference between his strength with and without the hollow mask, and I even wanted to test it. Test myself against it. But I didn't, because I needed to heal. Because when Barry finished that bomb, I was gone.

"…He hasn't really extended the duration he can maintain it at all…"

Hachi came up behind us, crossing his arms in a light gesture.

"Well, it's not a simple thing."

Blinking, I turned my head to my left, jumping slightly as I saw Shinji sitting directly beside me, almost touching me. His knee was like… an inch from mine. How had I not noticed him!?

Kensei glanced down at his watch, expression now annoyed, "Four seconds…"

And swear to God, Shinji's mouth opened like a dinosaur's, speaking loudly, "So quick!"

I snickered at the blonde, laughing harder as he slowly rotated his gaze to mine, that look still on his face. "What's so funny, Hazumi-chan~!?"

Clearing my throat, "Oh nothing, Shinji…"

"'Ooh, look at me! I'm Kensei the idiot. I'm all pissy!'"

And, "YOU BITCH!!"

I couldn't contain my laughter as I watched Mashiro and Kensei, just like all those years ago.

Some things never changed…

Then, I sensed something.

My spine stiffened as I attempted to place what it was, but Hachi did it for me. "Someone… has slipped into my barrier…"

Everyone's gazes flickered towards the entrance, suddenly tense. My brows were furrowed as I tried to identify the reiatsu of our unexpected guest, and just as I placed it, footsteps echoed from the stairs above. Glancing up, I saw Inoue Orihime walking down the steps, an unsure air floating around her.

Huh. How strange.

"…A…" "Human…?!"

_Had I weakened Hachi's barrier that much… or. _

_No. This was all Inoue. How strange, indeed._

"Hazumi…?"

Blinking, my gaze went back to Orihime, who was standing on the bottom step, still unsure, but relaxing a little as she caught sight of me.

My lips quirked, "Hey, Inoue."

***

"… I see."

Unlike Ichigo, I was silent.

_Royal Key… _

_One hundred thousand souls. Human souls. _

_Karakura Town as the site. Its people will all be wiped off the face of the planet. _

_This is why the Gotei 13 was here._

Now, I felt not just this sense of growing panic, but I felt like poop.

…I wasn't here to defend Karakura, directly that is. I was here for Corps business. So after I blew the Hollow's Nest to kingdom come… would I just go back to Soul Society?

Oblivious to Ichigo and Orihime's conversation just before me, I continued to think, my mind troubled with a number of scenarios that could go wrong. God, this sucked. Recently, as in after everyone else had learned this, I had come to find that there were different types of Arrancar. And according to hearsay, the Espada were the big baddies. Numbers one through ten. So that meant Sol Claro, who was number fourteen, had successfully kicked my ass and totally bitched me, and he wasn't even one of the strongest.

_Mother of Pearl…_

"Oi hag." Ichigo's voice brought me back, and I scrunched my nose at his distasteful nickname, my black eyes landing on his lean form. He was standing, his hand on his sword, his lips tipped in a frown.

I sighed, letting myself fall back, breath catching in my throat as I hit the ground, a nasty _pang_ echoing throughout my ribcage.

_**Idiot.**_

Oh, now she decided to talk.

"Do you want another broken nose, strawberry?"

"Ch… no… but…" He trailed off, making my brows furrow. It wasn't like him to not finish.

"What is it."

When he didn't answer, I let my gaze trail upwards, to where he stood. And he had this stupid, hesitant look on his face that made me want to knock his lights out. But I didn't rush him. Because of all the times I had spoken to Ichigo, he never had a reason to hesitate. It wasn't his nature, at least, not when it came to talking to me. If anything, we were always rude and brutally honest with one another.

_**Except now.**_

_You want me to kick your ass? Because I will._

"It just struck me… that you're not in the Gotei 13."

I was glad his eyes were elsewhere, because I couldn't control how my eyes expanded, and how I stiffened just as he said that. But he didn't stop, "And what Inoue said… the Gotei 13 is here to help but… that's not you."

And finally he brought his eyes back to mine, and held my gaze.

Holy shit.

I did not expect that.

It seemed as if he didn't know exactly what he was getting at, and if I really tried, I could bullshit my way out of suspicion. It's not like Ichigo would know if the Soul Society made an exception and just let me tag along for the ride.

But for some reason that didn't settle quite right with me.

The silence shared between us was thick, but the sub shinigami was unwavering.

_Well damn._

"You're smarter than you look, you know that?"

If anything, his frown only deepened, and I twisted my lips, puffing out my cheeks. "Well, you're right. I'm not in the Gotei 13. I'm in the Kidōshū, and well… we don't have the same duties as the Gotei 13. If anything," here I chuckled quietly to myself, finding no humor in my situation at all, and I stood, dusting myself off, "I'm finding myself in what seems to be a suicide mission."

Bending down to grab Kuria-Dei, I didn't see Ichigo's eyes widen, "You see, I'm not here with Hitsugaya's team. I'm… I'm here to obliterate what we call a Hollow's Nest."

I took time in fastening my zanpakutou to my side, adjusting my shihakushō so it was comfortable, continuing, "Funny, how things work. As you can probably see, I got my ass handed to me the other night. That's where I was. Some Arrancar was at the site and… well he got away."

There was this one spot on the ground that was real interesting…

"So basically, I just gotta kill that Arrancar and destroy the Nest, and then I'm to await my orders from there."

Silence.

Then, "Look at me."

Furrowing my brows, I raised my gaze to meet the ginger's, surprised.

He sounded… not mad.

Just serious.

Huh.

"You're to destroy that thing… alone?"

"Uh huh."

More silence. It just dragged on, slightly unnerving me. Why wasn't he going off on one of his usual 'rag on Hazumi' tangents? And… why did he care so much that I had to _do my job_ alone. I swear, ever since I was pulled into his inner world, I had been asking myself a lot of questions about Ichigo. Like that last moment I remembered very, very clearly.

Crystal clear, in fact.

And then, as if the moment never happened, Ichigo raised his hand to the back of his head, rubbing it, "Maa. You're so difficult."

_"…Huh?"_

He scowled down at me, "Why didn't you just say that before?"

And the intensity of the moment evaporated before you could say 'superluminal.'

"What was I supposed to say?! 'Oh, sorry, gotta leave you guys now. Have fun with those killing machines out there… Look at me I'm all nonchalant like Ichigo, ooh look at me, I'm a pissy boy who—"

"I don't sound like that!"

"The hell you don't!"

"What are you tryin' to say exactly?!"

"What are YOU trying to say?!"

"I ASKED FIRST!"

"OH YEAH?!"

"YEAH!"

"Hmph!"

We were facing away from each other now, arms crossed stubbornly, funny-looking scowls painting our immature faces.

"Jerk…"

"Old hag…"

A smile, slowly lighting up my face, making me want to laugh at our stupidity.

_Thank you, Ichigo._

And Ichigo, his tawny orbs glancing back at me, a ghost of a smile curving his forever present scowl.

_I'll protect you this time, Hazumi. _

…_You won't hurt again._

* * *

**Ahh, the smell of a freshly posted chapter.**

**Doesn't everyone just love that?**

**Reviews = love for the soul.**


	19. Decaying Rationalization

**A/N: **Here we are. Chapter 18. Or 19, if you count the previews. But anyways, I'd just want to thank all my reviewers because you lot are awesome and we wouldn't be here without your helpful reviews and support. I never thought I'd keep going this far with the story. I can't really expression my gratitude for you lot :). So without further adieu, chapter eighteen/nineteen!

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_DIECIOCHO:_**

_"Decaying Rationalization"  
_

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* * *

_

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding

**- Kahlil Gibran**

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**

"So… you're saying you don't enjoy R&B music…"

"You're twisting my words, Rose."

"Well, I'm not too sure if I understand the logic in your deductions, Hazumi-san."

"All I'm saying is that if you have a shirt, as in if you're wearing a shirt and it's on your back at the time you're singing, well, that's just not possible. R&B is always five black guys with no shirts!"**(1)**

"As I said before, where is the logic…?"

"YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT ROSE!"

"I swear if they don't shut their traps…" Hiyori grumbled quietly, an irritated scowl painting her expression. She crossed her arms, folding her legs and sitting Indian style against a sizeable boulder, basically hating the world like always.

Just a few feet away, not too far from where Shinji sat, Hazumi and Rose were in the midst of a heated discussion. "If you're a stone's throw away from a bagpipe player, what should you do?"

The topic: music.

"When did we start talking about bagpipes…?"

"Answer the question, Rose…"

"Ahhh…"

"Throw stones."

Sigh. "So disrespectful, Hazumi-san…"

Ichigo snorted in ill-concealed laughter as he listened to the shingami and Vizard's conversation, rolling his eyes at the insignificant pillow-talk taking place. Hazumi always chose the most peculiar and inane things to talk about…

"Oi, I don't wanna hear anything from you, Strawberry! Keep to your corner over there, and faster with those dishes!"

"If you want it done so badly, you come do it yourself, Hag!"

A ghost of a smile graced the ginger's lips as he heard several curses thrown his way, undoubtedly from the sandy-haired shinigami seated just yards away. It had been a little over month now that he had started training with the Vizards, but his progress was virtually nonexistent.

_I'm not there yet…_

So everyday the Vizards had been working him to the bone, and for the past week Hazumi had been, too. It seemed the current Fuku Kidōchō had healed from her last battle against the Arrancar, and had been training as well. Ichigo had spotted her several times alone with her zanpakutou released, some far away look painted on her face as she moved, almost subconsciously. Like she wasn't really there.

_Wasn't really there… _

Noticing the conversation had ceased, the ginger glanced over his shoulder to see the dinner group had dispersed, going about their usually business. His eyes landed on Hazumi's concentrated form, yards away. She had her zanpakutou out of its sheath, twirling the thin blade by just flicking her wrist, her movements barely noticeable as her sword moved sharply. That was new…

"I thought I told you to do the dishes; not stare at me."

Tawny eyes blinked, meeting coals. The shorter girl quirked her lips, tossing her sword lightly back and forth, the thin blade not bothering her in the slightest bit.

Ichigo grunted, rolling his eyes as he ripped off the apron he was forced to wear, and shook his hands dry, pointedly ignoring her second statement, "Yeah… You got some new tricks."

She _had_ improved. And she had been solely concentrated on getting better and better each day. Something was different about her now, just the way she held herself, the way she carried herself.

"What's with that look?"

Ichigo glanced back at the girl, seeing that she had sheathed her sword and started to relax, her black eyes softening to soot.

…He had always been fond of her eyes. They never failed to show what she was feeling, no matter how much she tried to hide it. It was one of the many things liked about her.

_Many things…?_

Her thick hair was pulled back sloppily, and the sleeves of her shihakusho were rolled up as always. And if he looked close enough, Ichigo could see the purple plate she wore under her robes, the silver lining shining slightly in the light. But something was new about her appearance. Instead of the loose white sash she normally wore with her shihakusho, there was now a bigger, tight purple obi wrapped securely around her waist. It had some sort of weird lines on it, crossing diagonally.

When Hachi had commented on it earlier, she had told him, _"Barry gave it to me a long time ago. It's supposed to be some kind of kido amplifier." _

Ichigo had asked why she didn't just wear it all the time if it helped so much, and she told him it was too much of a hassle to carry. Apparently it weighed a bit much. It also didn't help the fact that Hazumi would avoid conflict whenever possible, and therefore she didn't need such a weapon.

"Just wondering when you're going to make a move."

Wondering… what an understatement. The ginger had been uncharacteristically preoccupied with how Hazumi was going to proceed with her plans, almost… anxious. When she had first informed him that she had to detonate a Hollow's Nest, a cave full of hollows and now an Arrancar, alone, well… that hadn't settled quite right with him. And now she training to get stronger, but many of the times he had seen her off on her own, she had just been mediating, with what he could only guess as speaking with her zanpakutou. This, though, had totally countered some of the things the Vizards had said about her and her sword's relationship.

_"From what I remember… her an' her zanpakutou never really agreed on anything,"_ Shinji had said, recalling his time with Hazumi about a century ago.

Hiyori, too, had added her two cents worth. _"She always said her stupid zanpakutou was too fricken nice. It always ticked her off."_

"You got that far away look on your face again, Ichigo."

Blinking, the ginger came back, seeing Hazumi's gaze narrowed on his face, noting she was biting the inside of her cheek. That made her almost… vulnerable looking. A side the ginger shinigami never really saw of her before.

Said fair-haired girl appraised Ichigo with passive eyes, "You're real spacey lately," here pausing, like she was looking for the right word to describe the boy standing before her but coming up short. She thought of him as distant. Too distant for the circumstances which they were given.

But then she found something, "'Cause of the impending doom in our very near foreseeable future…"

His lips twisted as he watched her struggle for words, trying to piece what her mind was telling her. So far, she had read him like a book.

…How could she assess what was wrong with him, when he himself couldn't fully comprehend?

No. He did. He needed to be stronger to protect those dear to him, including her. That was why he was there.

Opening his mouth to explain, not exactly sure how he would, Hazumi cut him off, holding up her hand, "Stop… if you haven't said anything, there must be a reason. I don't… know the right way without stomping all over your feelings. I don't know how to ask without butting in or getting too nosy. It's probably none of my business anyways, especially with that… _monster_ residing in the recesses of your mind. Just know that I'll wait. I'll wait until you can tell me what's up. It's okay if you can't, but just… don't…" **(2)**

_She's a very empathetic, and sometimes sympathetic, zanpakutou. It's hard to cope with, you know? _

_How do you deal with all… these… feelings._

_Emotions. _

_Physical sensations. _

_It's difficult to know when to act on a feeling, and when not to. It's plaguing. _

_It's ironic, the pairing of my zanpakutou and I._

He had forgotten. Along with Hazumi's keen eye and perception, her zanpakutou… how did you describe such a thing?

Tawny orbs were glued to Hazumi's lean figure as she leaned on her leg, crossing her arms and sighing. He could see she was uncomfortable; she wasn't too good with this concept of… comfort. And from the looks of it, she was trying her best to comfort him in some degree. A smirk curled his lips as he watched her fidget, taking her words with meaning. She sucked at comfort, but it gave him a little solace, knowing she knew, and wasn't going to kick him in the shins for information.

And then she turned, exhaling loudly, "Wipe that smirk off your face, idiot. If you take this for granted, sure as hell you won't get a second chance."

"Oi, where you going in the middle of a conversation?!"

"I'm going to see my bomb whiz."

The ginger stiffened slightly, calling out again, this time not so playful, "Is it done?"

He didn't see, but the blonde's lips twisted, and her face morphed with anxiety.

He did, however, see her shoulders visibly slump.

"Probably. She originally said two weeks, but it's takin' longer than she anticipated. But it's been almost a month and a half…"

* * *

"Stop buggin' me, you little shit."

My eyes widened with incredulity, and I shook my fist at the back of Barry's head, irked, "What the hell Barry?! It's been almost two months!"

There I was, standing in the TNT hotshot's homey warehouse, just a few feet behind her form, which was slumped over a wooden table, her hands moving too fast for me to see from my point. And what did I get…?

The damn criminal wasn't even done yet!

Her dark navy hair was pulled back in a messy bun, her grey tank, wrinkled, and her voice sounded suspiciously similar to that of a croak of a frog… I really shouldn't have been nagging her, seeing that it seemed she had been working nonstop, but she was sure taking her time making this bomb. And maybe Hosyu's habits had rubbed off on me a little bit…

Mon, who was standing behind the bar polishing shot glasses, spoke up, "The bomb that loafer over there is making," here Barry just grunted in recognition, but Mon kept going, "is tricky, Hazumi. She wants it to be a big enough explosion, but she doesn't want it to reach Karakura. So she's been tinkering with it for about a day or two. Should be done soon, though."

Watching Mon back up Barry was unexpected, and she had explained without one snide or rude remark.

…And here I had thought that she didn't like me.

Slowly nodding, I thought of how this would affect things. The Nest was just lingering, only releasing about two dozen hollows per week, still a lot, but not as much as I had anticipated. Usually once the Nests were settled, hollows would just pour out of the place, attacking mercilessly. But it was like they were holding back or… being held back. No doubt that Arrancar's doing. He was strong enough. But why…?

"You been to the Nest recently?"

I nodded absently at the petite girl's question, taking a seat at the counter, leaning my elbows on the rough surface.

"What are the readings on it?"

Grunting, "High. The most concentrated reiatsu is deep in the cave, so that's where I'll be puttin' the bomb. Luckily it doesn't seem that far, but still, it's a good distance from the entrance."

_And also a good distance from any assistance._

It was quiet in the big warehouse, save for the occasional swearing from over in Barry's corner, and the muted sounds of metal hitting metal, and electrical sparks here and there. Jeez, she really was working hard. I had forgotten how immersed Barry would get when creating one of her explosives. Truthfully, I think that was the only thing that really motivated her.

Seeing one of her explosives come to life.

Hearing a sort of grating sound, my black eyes landed on a glass in front of me, freshly poured. Raising coals, I met coral, seeing the shorter girl was back to her polishing, a passive look coating her expression. Seeing that I hadn't touched the glass, she commented lightly, "Drink up. You've got awhile."

Huh. She was acting suspiciously different.

Oh well, I kind of liked her being civil.

With a light shrug of my shoulders, I picked up my single measure of whiskey, "You've got the western stuff."

Mon nodded slightly, her fuchsia hair bouncing, "Sake gets old after awhile."

"Speak for yourself, kid."

Cutting her eyes over to Barry, she scoffed, "Well, it gets old for _me._ Barry over there, as we both know, would drink anything and not mind."

Lips curving slightly, my mind strayed to the times when it was legal to see these two, when Barry hadn't murdered so many people for her conscious to be clean and Mon hadn't disappeared with her, and when Mon and I hadn't exactly been friends, but acquaintances with a common friend, the bombs artist. When things were seemingly alright and before my life became so complicated. Before I had murdered those three kids.

_God that was a long time ago_.

Raising my glass, I toasted to the silence that surrounded us three, never anticipating I would be drinking in the presence of these two exiled shinigami before me again, closing my eyes as nostalgia washed over me, good and bad.

"Cheers."

* * *

_Tonight's dream? _

_Darkness. _

_Just you know, chillin around me, swirling in the atmosphere. _

_The vastness of it? Everywhere. _

_Nothing was discernible, just that it was dark and I couldn't see my hand right in front of my face. It was actually quite terrifying, as once before I had specified that I hated darkness, because anything could be lurking in the depths of it all. And it was like having all of your senses taken away, suddenly numb._

_ However, despite my last thought, I did feel one thing. _

_It was cold. God, it was so cold. Bringing my hands to my forearms to generate some warmth, I hugged myself tightly, gritting my teeth. Starting to rub my arms to get rid of these stupid goose bumps, I froze as my hand slid over my bicep, feeling just fabric. _

_Where was my Insignia…? _

_But that thought didn't stick around in my head for long, because without warning, light was slowly seeping through my dark cage, until I was blinded by the illumination. _

_What the hell?_

_ When the beaming light subsided, my breath caught in my throat, and the slow sensation of panic started to creep into my gut, my black eyes widening as I took in my surroundings. No, this couldn't be right._

_ What the hell was I doing here?! _

_The setting was the human world, a construction site, to be exact. You know, with the metal beams hanging from the unfinished building towering above, and the yellow bulldozers and bobcats splashed with mud parked off to the side. It was nighttime, the setting, everything was the same. _

_And suddenly there were three kids in front of me. _

_My breathing was contrived as I took in their features, their academy uniforms, two blues and a red, and their eager expressions as they all looked at the same thing, anticipation lighting their eyes. Following their gazes, I felt like I had been socked in the gut with a steel fist. Because what they were all looking at was a girl, also clad in a red academy uniform, with her arms crossed under her breasts, her lips in a thin line, her black eyes serious and her thick blonde hair shorter, reaching her shoulders. She was talking to them, but I couldn't hear it, like it was muted. I just watched the way the three looked to her for directions, how they looked to her for command. _

_I was looking at… me. _

_This was… Oh dear God. Why? _

_Why was I here?! _

_And then, it happened. _

_The tear of the Garuganta came out of nowhere, catching all four of the academy students off guard. I watched the younger version of me yell out orders, draw her sword, instruct the three kids. It was like watching a movie and knowing something bad was going happen, and shouting at the television even though you knew it wouldn't do any good. That was the case here, because when they went for the hollows, the heartless souls just kept coming. I remembered this part clearly, where I felt the dread in my gut and knowing we were out numbered, but fighting anyways. _

_Until I was hit but some blunt force, crashing into the roughhewn building and not moving for quite a few seconds. _

_Thinking to myself, _'_I'm going to get these kids killed.' _

_As I watched my younger self crash into the building, my eyes darted to the younger academy students, who weren't fairing well at all. The girl was out cold, and the two boys were trying their best to protect her. One boy couldn't see well, for too much blood had leaked into his eye, and the other boy was trying to cope with the fact that he now had only one arm. _

_In retrospect, once I think about it, anything I would have done would have gotten them killed. If I hadn't released my zanpakutou, then the hollows would have ripped them to shreds without mercy. But since the only thing on my mind at the time was returning to Seireitei in one piece with my three charges, I had released my zanpakutou out of sheer desperation. _

_Looking back on it… that was the first time I had released my zanpakutou. I remember how inconsolable I had felt, how the fury just flooded my senses once I thought about the situation. How fucked up it was that something like this happened to a bunch of academy students. So when I saw my younger self's face morph with rage, regardless of the senselessness of it, I shouted out, knowing full and well what was happening next. _

_Hearing the words that changed everything, __**"Ravage, Kuria-Dei!"**_

_And the explosion of power. _

_Any sense of distinguishing our surroundings flew out the window, and the only thing you heard was something akin to the sound of the thunder of the heavens. I only stood there, unaffected by the dreamlike reality, watching with wide eyes, my breathing shallow. When the vicinity cleared from the dust and particles, I made out the forms of two collapsed students, the only one standing was the boy with blood in his eye. The lesser hollows had succumbed to the explosion, and my younger form was panting from how much strength the release required. _

_I'm not sure how I missed it then, but as I lifted my head, I saw that the Garuganta never closed. _

_And that's what got me. Because once my younger self started for the still standing kid, who was poised with a dazed look in his eye in front of his collapsed friends, a crushing reiatsu- for an academy student- emanated from the opening, and out came a Gillian. _

_It was quite a feat, to defeat a Gillian, but that's where it ended for our group. I watched as it charged its cero, how my younger form noticed just as it released the powerful blast, and how she used an attack I haven't used to this day, __**"Chuuwa." (3)**_

_Neutralization. Now I knew the attack was supposed to totally disintegrate the cero, to nullify the attack. But somewhere in the process of amassing my reiatsu and channeling it through my newly released zanpakutou, the attack went wrong. When the cero was close enough to cause damage, my girlish self sent the attack its way, and instead of nullifying the cero and rendering it useless, it deflected, diverting its course _

_--directly to the injured academy students. _

_And for the second time, I watched that kid be engulfed by the large, malicious blast. And the screams. I never forgot those. _

_They were shattering._

_My gut twisted, and next thing I know I'm hunching over, retching. My eyes, no longer on the scene before me, but on the grey cement below. Everything gradually getting colder, everything losing focus. But I didn't need to see to know what happened next. This was when I realized I had murdered three perfectly innocent soon-to-be shinigami. This was when everything started. This moment in my life signified grief, of things that had happened and for things to come._

_ I felt cold again, and everything was stilling. _

_But I wasn't numbing; I still felt the effects of watching the murder. _

_I felt like a monster._

_**Wake up, Hazumi!**_

_Oh God. I was a monster. _

_I-I murdered three people!_

_**Snap out of it, don't go there you stupid girl!**_

_My hands flew to my head, gripping my hair tightly, scrunching my eyes, sinking in a crouch. _

_Sobbing._

_ I needed to get out of here. I needed someone. _

_I felt as I should have needed to believe this wasn't me. But it was. _

_However, despite my feelings on self analysis, I needed someone there to make it all go away. _

_So in the midst of all the grief, when my surroundings returned and I felt things pick up, I was still not moving, still empty. _

_But I screamed for someone who I knew would answer. _

_"ICHIGO!!"_

_

* * *

_

"Hazumi."

With contrived breathing, my eyes flew open, and I jerked up quickly, disoriented and confused.

_What…?_

I felt soft hands on my shoulders, pushing me back, gently trying to calm me. "Whoa there, skipper. Let's just take a second to breathe."

Blinking my dilated eyes, everything refocused, and I realized I was on the ground in Barry's warehouse… and my head hurt. My inky orbs met olives, seeing that Barry was holding my shoulders, a pull to her brows telling me she was feeling something towards my… what the hell did I do?

"Wha…?"

She shook her head, sighing, "You idiot. You rolled off the couch and your head's bleeding," she turned her head, "YO MON! Get me some gauze and disinfectant over here!"

"Up yours!"

Barry muttered an oath under her breath, turning back to me, "I swear she is the most useless bitch…"

She leaned me against the edge of the couch, making sure I was steady before standing, turning, and yelling, "Get the fuck in here, you little twerp. I'll kick your scrawny ass!"

Her voice faded as I assumed she went to get the gauze that Mon had denied her, and I closed my eyes slowly, bringing my hands up to my face and sighing. Feeling something sticky on my forehead, I brought my hand back to eye level, seeing a warm red substance. Huh. Falling off the couch drew blood?

"You must've hit the coffee table when you fell."

My eyes landed back on Barry, who was crouching in front of me, pouring the liquid that smelled suspiciously of alcohol- not the cleaning kind- on a white gauze, bringing it to my forehead. I barely felt the sting, and I gazed back at her with glazed eyes.

Silence, and then I heard the dynamite mastermind mutter, "Must've been some nightmare."

_Nightmare._

It wasn't a nightmare.

My voice was a whisper, "No."

I felt her gaze on me as she taped up my head, questioning.

…How could I answer her?

Trying to keep my voice from cracking, I murmured, "It wasn't a nightmare. It was real."

But despite my attempts, my voice broke on the last note, and my face crumpled as I pictured that last moment.

"God, don't cry."

Don't cry. Don't cry, Hazumi. You stupid idiot, don't cry.

_**I'm here.**_

Swallowing thickly, I cleared my throat, tears brimming my eyes. "I'm not, don't worry."

"You really had me going there for a minute, you know that?"

Yeah. I had myself going too, Barry.

For a minute, I had thought I would receive some kind of help.

I had thought Ichigo would hear me.

Some kind of salvation.

But I didn't receive any.

I only had my zanpakutou and me.

_…Did you hear me Ichigo?_

Unbeknownst to my disparaging thoughts, Ichigo _had_ heard me, via that connection my zanpakutou established between the two of us.

_…_He had seen what I had, too.

And if it wasn't for that startling reiatsu suddenly arriving out of nowhere, he would have acted on my cry for help. Outside of the Vizard warehouse, he had taken off, towards that Espada who had kicked his ass last time.

_I'm sorry__…__ Hazumi.  
_

And it took me a few moments, but I too gathered myself as much as I could, grabbed Kuria-Dei off the coffee table and set my jaw, swallowing something thick.

Don't break now. Something was up.

Barry was still crouching by the couch, "Don't do anything stupid, Hazumi."

Looking back at her, I just gave her a curt nod before walking off, shunpoing once I got to the doors.

_Don't break now._

I couldn't afford to. Because the Arrancar were here. And judging by this sick feeling in my gut, they were strong.

Only one word came to mind.

One that had my skin crawling and teeth close to chattering.

One that would always disturb me.

_Espada._

_

* * *

_**(1) A quote by a very talented comedian. It was very tempting to add this, and I couldn't resist temptation.**

**(2) If you recall, in chapter 398 when Ichigo sees his father is a shinigami, he quotes that, a little differently, but for the most part it's the same thing. Then he says "It's borrowed. Someone told me something like that before, and I remembered that it made me feel lots better, that's all." Originally Rukia had said that to Ichigo, but I fit it for Hazumi to offer him solace!**

**(3) Means 'Neutralize' or 'Counteract'.**

**So, another chapter! And this one I feel better about than the last. Finally, her situation is explained. Sheds some light on her feelings and how fucked up they are. Yay! Haha. But yeah, thank you all my reviewers, and for you lot that alert my story, thanks. It'd be nice for you, too, to drop by and say how you like or dislike. Reviews make me very, very happy. They're pretty much what makes this story roll. Without reviews, I'd be empty. So thank you very much!  
**


	20. Lost Myself

**A/N: **Whew. My back hurts from sitting here typing, but by Golly I got this scene down. And I feel emotionally attached to this chapter somehow, dunno why, but if it's not so good, maybe it's because I was writing from... deep down, I guess. Not to sound pessimistic, but saying if some things are in chunks, broken up or indistinguishable and vague, that's why. Because this one actually says something to me. Anyways, there you are.

Oh yes, thank you all my reviewers so, so much! This wouldn't have been out today if it wasn't for you!

We hit 50 reviews! AHH. You're amazing. I'm dying over here. I love you, faithful supporters.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_DIECINUEVE_**:

_"Lost myself"_

* * *

I think you have to know who you are. Get to know the monster that lives in your soul, dive deep into your soul and explore it.

**- Tori Amos

* * *

**

Quiet footsteps echoed throughout the rundown warehouse, slowly making their way towards the navy-haired woman, who had gone back to her desk, sitting there, still.

Olive orbs stared blankly down at the nearly completed explosive, her lips tipping slightly.

"You've been stalling, Barry." Mon's soprano voice floated throughout their living space, making Barry blink, coming to.

Turning her head slightly, "Miss Observancey now, huh."

Rolling her eyes, Mon disregarded the genius' pissy response- which wasn't even a word- and directed coral down at the table. Even looking at all the crap on the desk had her confused; it was a wonder how Barry distinguished what from what. "What are you planning?"

"I need a drink."

But she didn't move, just stayed there with her gaze on her work, a small frown capsizing her lips. It was because of Hazumi and her stupid nightmare.

_It wasn't a nightmare. _

_It was real._

Of course it was real. Barry knew exactly what it was.

"Repeating my former question, what the hell are you planning?"

The bombs artist rolled her shoulder to ease the tension of the blade, making the estranged, grey tattoo move as well. Massaging said shoulder, "Why do you think I've got a plan, Mon?"

The small girl didn't even skip a beat, "You always do. And it doesn't help the fact that while Hazumi was under the pretense that you were creating that hydrogen bomb for her, you were concocting little Molotov Cocktails here in the corner." **(1)**

Lips curling slightly, Barry coughed a small laugh, picking up her work. "You _are_ observant."

Sighing, Mon turned, heading for the couches to lay down, tired of trying to get answers out of the ho hum woman. Lying on the couch, the small girl basked in the silence, closing her coral eyes, thoughts racing. She had heard Hazumi having that nightmare, the moans in her sleep and she even screamed. Speaking of, who the heck was Ichigo…?

And afterwards… she was just… dull.

What did she dream?

"Hey Barry." Silence met the petite girl's call, but she waited, knowing the older woman had heard.

Sure enough, after a few moments, "What?"

Staring up at the cracked ceiling, Mon frowned, a single thought lacing her features with uncertainty. Voicing her concern, "Was it really a good idea… letting Hazumi leave like that?"

Leave like that. It was a broad statement, but Barry knew.

She always did, somehow.

More silence filled the warehouse, and Mon sighed in resignation, knowing she wasn't going to get an answer from the artist. Just some things Barry would say, and some things she wouldn't.

And then a small reply came from the corner, surprising both of the women, "I don't know, Mon."

Closing coral eyes, Mon's face scrunched in worry. Who would've thought the day Mon would be worrying over someone like Hazumi Nagasaki.

Her soprano voice was quiet, but Barry heard it from where she sat, and agreed wholeheartedly with the soft words.

"Godspeed to you, Nagasaki."

* * *

Her breaths were coming in short puffs, and her black eyes had this dull sheen over them, like… she wasn't really there. There in flesh, but not mentally there.

_What do I do, Dei?_

She was confused, disheveled, lost. Reliving that nightmare had discombobulated her beyond belief, and all she really wanted to do was crawl in a hole and sleep. But something was nagging at her; some strong presence in Karakura was telling her she needn't act on her impulses, but think.

_**The Espada are here, Hazumi.**_

Blinking her eyes several times, Hazumi's focus returned, and her eyes slowly hardened as she identified the four enemy reiatsu. She was close to one. But that wasn't all. That wasn't what had her going faster, pushing her dark thoughts to the back of her mind and shunpoing off, her hand on her sword the whole time. She was close to Ichigo, and his reiatsu was akin to a hollow's at the moment.

She shoved away the panic that threatened to cloud her mind, remembering that this was what he had trained for. She had seen him fight with his mask; she had seen that he could control himself. But that still didn't stop the chills running up her spine as she approached the conquering reiatsu, until she was there.

Landing with a graceful _thud_ on the street below, Hazumi watched with wide eyes as two figures came to view.

And then she heard it. **"Getsuga Tenshou." **

The power was forceful, by God. The red and black reiatsu just swarmed, flying at the blue haired Espada, giving him no out. And seconds later, impact. The pale-haired shinigami brought her arms up, shielding her face from the blast, grimacing.

_I swear Ichigo, you change every time I see you._

This was different from in the warehouse. This time the ginger's fight was real, and his determination was virtually palpable. She watched again as he sent another attack at the Espada, leaving no time to think. He was almost… ruthless.

Ichigo was behind him now, with that threatening mask in plain sight, making Hazumi swallowing something thick. A bad feeling was starting to settle in her gut as she watched the Espada plummet to the ground, cursing.

And then she heard the words. **"Cero!"**

_No!_

It came at the ginger swiftly, and black eyes could only watch as he held it off with his zanpakutou, his eyes wide from behind the mask. And with just a swipe, it dissipated, leaving the ginger to fly at the blue-haired Espada, relentless. His voice, morphed with the damnable presence of that mask, had the blonde's stomach twisting with anxiety, and her lips tipping into a deep frown.

Her eyes, worried and angry simultaneously.

And then the worst possible thing that could happen, happened.

Something that Hazumi knew would end the fight, and get the stupid sub shinigami killed. Something that had her making a desperate sound in the back of her throat, eyes widening.

Ichigo's mask shattered.

She saw it from below, and it seemed to go in slow motion, like she couldn't do anything but watch. She was frozen as she saw the Espada grin maliciously, his eyes full of animosity. "Damn right it's over, Shinigami!"

And he sliced the boy's chest.

The blonde watched Ichigo fall, the warm red substance oozing from his torso, and the Espada ready to deliver another blow. Until the ginger blocked, grimacing in pain. But the Espada's strength was too much for the ginger without his mask, and with more force to his blade, Ichigo was forced back, falling back until he caught himself, just barely sliding on the street yards away, panting.

Trying to conjure up his mask in desperation, and failing, leaving the Espada to give him a forceful roundhouse kick straight to the gut, making him fly back.

Hazumi's fists balled at her side as she watched, eyes as hard as coals, her lips a taut line. She could hear them speaking now, how the Espada taunted him with his deductions, how he stepped closer and closer to the ginger shinigami and how his voice was crazed with victory. And how he stabbed Ichigo's hand to the ground… charging a cero!?

There was nothing she could do to defeat the Espada, Hazumi knew that.

But she wasn't going to watch Ichigo get obliterated by that nasty cero.

…She knew the effects. How everything just disintegrated, and how there was nothing left after the blast.

So without forethought, without her well-being in mind or any rational thoughts there, she stepped forward, disappearing in a flash.

_Let the monster take care of the monster._

_

* * *

_

**( H A Z U M I )**

Have you ever broken a jaw?

No, let me rephrase that. Have you ever cracked someone _else's_ jaw?

It's a weird sensation, feeling the _snapping_ and _cracking_ of bones under your fist, or in my case, foot. Just the velocity of a foot coming and hitting you smack dab in the face, imagine that. Now imagine me doing that to that sadist of an Espada as he was charging his cero, ready to deliver the finishing blow to my favorite sub shinigami.

I wonder how surprised he felt as my foot collided with his jaw, how angry he must've felt as he flew a good amount of distance away from the ginger, his cero canceling out as his concentration broke.

I grimaced as my foot rang out with the aftershocks, and I rolled it a few times, cracking the bones for comfort. Moistening my lips, my gaze trailed to where the Espada had crashed, only seeing dust and rubble.

…He wasn't down and out just yet.

"Ha-Ha… Hazumi…?"

Diverting my gaze to the panting ginger who was kneeling on the ground, I crouched down and clutched the sword that had pinned his hand, grimacing as I noted it was lodged in the cement below his hand as well.

_Damn…_

"Unless the next words that come out of your mouth are a long, drawn out apology repeating how much of an idiot you are, shut your mouth."

He blinked, surprised at my curt tone, about to say something… but stopped, looking off to the side, resigning.

Muttering something, "What are you doing here, Hazumi?"

Compressing my lips, "I thought I told you—"

But I was cut off as I heard the shuffling of debris behind me, and next thing I know I'm dodging a fist that was aimed straight for my skull. Skidding to a stop some distance away, my eyes narrowed on the form of the beaten up Espada, his eyes enraged. They were an intriguing shade of blue, too.

Through clenched teeth, "You… bitch!"

And he disappeared.

My eyes widened as I felt him come around behind me, and I could only hold my arms up to protect me as he sent a fist to my face, causing me to tumble back, groaning. "Who the fuck do you think you are!?"

Spitting blood out of the side of my mouth, I grimaced, tensing. I didn't know how to go about this.

But I did know one thing.

The Espada was in front of me now, his fist aiming to crush my skull with one brutal hit, his grinning face mad.

"Doesn't matter who you are, girl, you're finished!"

Just as his fist went to collide with my face, I caught it in my hand, shaking from the amount of force packed behind his punch.

Frowning deeply, my voice was raspy, "I hate people like you," my hand enclosing around his fist, "and I hate fighting. It requires too much effort," my grip tightening, hearing bones start to pop, "but you're forcing me to do this."

I wouldn't let go as he struggled, and when he brought his leg up to give me a good kick, I blocked, my words drowned out by the force of power

**"Gentei Kaijo!" **

My dark blue reiatsu leaked swiftly, eager to get out into the open and away from the seal. The Espada's blue eyes widened, but then he settled for a smirk, and we pushed away from each other at the same time, sliding back simultaneously.

"Tch. Another damn worthless—"

He was cut off by my fist, which settled for socking him right in the gut, and I heard him grunt before things really sped up.

I was lucky Hosyu had bothered to teach me hand-to-hand, though I could have used Kuria-Dei. But my movements with my zanpakutou would have been too slow against this Espada, so I had to settle for a fast pace, and Hakuda was perfect. As a master Hakuda combatant, Hosyu had made it a responsibility to teach me, vice versa on my part with kido.

Without his teachings, I would've been toast in this fight.

Those were my thoughts as the two of us moved swiftly, each jibe and jab more lethal than the next. But I soon realized… I wasn't getting anywhere with this. I needed to do something more.

So with a hard line set to my lips, my next dodge included a sidestep, and when the Espada's foot came around to the side of my face, my fist came up, **"Bakudo 8: Seki." **

I winced as I felt the pressure of the blow, just a few inches from my face, tensing to spring as the blue-eyed Espada flew back from the shock of my spell, only temporarily paralyzed.

_That only bought me a few seconds…_

So with that thought, I shunpoed right over him, smashing my elbow into his gut. Seeing him utter some sound of pain, blood and spit spewing from his mouth, he plummeted to the hard cement, crashing into it. I only saw dust as he made contact.

Coughing, I held my hand over my mouth as I panted, exhausted.

_God that was difficult._

I slowly lowered myself to the ground, hunching over with my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

"Hah-hah." My breathing was heavy as I straightened, and I turned back to Ichigo, whose eyes were on me, serious.

Swallowing thickly, but proffering a small, victorious smile, "Now then… let's get you—"

_WHAM! _One second I'm telling Ichigo let's get him patched up, and the next I'm hammered into a nearby building.

I cried out as I made contact with the rough concrete of the sturdy architecture, and I felt the stones come down on me.

_"HAZUMI!"_

It didn't make sense, once I think about it. I barely heard Ichigo's voice, yet I heard the Espada's footsteps clearly, taking their time. Leisurely, almost. "Shut yer mouth, Shinigami. You're next," and I heard the grin in his voice, "after I kill this interferin' bitch."

I tried to blink my eyes open, but I felt the sting of liquid entering them, and I remember trying to raise my arm to wipe it away, but I couldn't move it. Something was immobilizing my arm, probably tangled in the crumbled cement of the building. And then I heard the footsteps stop, right in front of me. Squinting my black eyes, I found was half-standing, half-slouching, not really able to fully fall down, but not able to straighten.

…I was stuck.

_"Uhg."_

"Tch. That half-baked shinigami seems ta be worried about what happens ta you."

I felt the amassing of malignant reiatsu begin.

"It sounds like he thought he could stop it."

It was growing, but I couldn't see. Every time I blinked the blood would just flood my sight, and I couldn't move to attempt to clear it. I could only hear and sense.

"But really," his voice was rising, and I finally realized what was happening.

There was a cero just inches from my face.

_"You both are gonna die!!"_

_Whoosh._

"…What the?!"

It was cold.

And a grave, familiar voice flooded my ears, "Next dance…"

So cold.

**"Hakuren."**

The ice just grazed my face. I felt the force of it, stampeding through the given space, anything in its path now engulfed in the violent glaze. I attempted to speak, only getting away with incoherent sounds coming from the back of my throat, sounding akin to startled whimpers.

_Fucking pitiful._

"Hazumi, Hazumi? I'm here. Can you hear me?"

Swallowing something thick, I managed to nod, unable to stop those incoherent sounds.

"You're stuck. Hear me? You're pinned to the building. Your arm…"

I breathed out, my throat suddenly tightening. Moving my mouth to form words, "Ru…Rukia- Rukia. My-my zan…paku—"

"What? Hazumi? Hey!"

"Ichigo…" It was getting harder to breathe, and my throat was considerably tight now. I moistened my lips, trying again to speak, chuckling with an even louder cough. "You-you got… stronger. Where- did that… co-come from?"

She was quiet, then, "You idiot. I'm going to try to get you out of here, okay? Don't move Hazumi—"

But the sound of ice shattering cut her off, and had me panicking. I heard Rukia's breath come out in shudders, and then I heard an infuriated voice, "… Don't underestimate me, Shinigami…"

I tried to move, I really did.

"You think you can kill me… by freezing the top layer of my skin…!?"

He was right there, harming Rukia in some way.

I couldn't see it…!

"YOU'RE SO NAÏVE!"

"_RUKIA! HAZUMI!"_

I felt the cero charging, right there.

Was he going for Rukia?!

And it was strong, I heard it about to go of, searing-!

--and stopped?

Hearing Rukia's heavy breathing, I tried to exhale in relief, only getting as far as making a small, breathless sound.

And then, in the midst of the panic and fear and anger towards that _scum_ Espada, I knew what had happened, even in my pain-hazed state. Someone new arrived. But not just anyone…

"…I swear. I don't really like gettin' involved in shinigami fights…"

Silence.

A sigh. "Oh well."

Shinji was here…?

When the hell did that happen?

_What's happening…?_

And then the Espada wasn't feet away from Rukia and me anymore. He was… fighting Shinji?

"Ha-Hazumi." Rukia was talking to me. "Hazumi!"

My voice was quiet, "Get- Ichigo… unpinned."

"He is."

I coughed roughly, "Then unpin… me."

It was harder to talk. How the hell did I even get stuck in here, anyways?

"I-I can't."

Swallowing, "Can you… re-reach my zan-zanpaku-tou?"

She hesitated, "Yes…"

My voice was giving, I was feeling weaker. "Put her in… my hand."

"Hazumi—"

"Do it." I could only guess she nodded, because I felt her come closer, felt the rubble behind me shift as she placed her hand on it to steady herself, and I felt her draw my sword, gently clasping my hand around the hilt.

Gripping it as tightly as I could, "Now… ru-run."

* * *

**( T H I R D ) ( P O V )**

Rukia's eyes widened as she heard Hazumi, frowning.

Had she heard correctly…? But when she felt the slow amassing of her friend's reiatsu, she gave a curt nod, and with an unsettling wrench to her stomach, she was flashing away. Landing a few feet away from Ichigo, her eyes were glued to the collapsed building which enclosed her pale-haired friend, frowning.

"Rukia…?" Her violet eyes glanced at Ichigo, who was still kneeling on the ground, exhausted.

Turning back to the building, her voice was quiet, "She told me to run."

Tawny eyes widening, Ichigo looked back at the crumbled architecture, alarmed.

_…Run?!_

"What…?"

But something else caught his attention, as well. A new, familiar reiatsu, coming out of nowhere.

Stopping Grimmjow.

Light blue eyes narrowing in anger, "Ulquiorra!"

And that deep, monotonous voice, "Mission accomplished. Let's go."

Yellow light suddenly surrounding the two Espada, Ichigo's eyes widening, "Negación…!"

Looking up at the two Espada, a nasty grimace tugging at his lips, Ichigo glowered.

_Got away again…_

And a crushing reiatsu startling everyone in the nearby vicinity… coming from the crumbling building…!

Ichigo's gaze flew to the site, expression morphing with confusion and panic as he sensed it was… Hazumi's.

As the Espada rose within the Negación, Ulquiorra glanced down with baleful disinterest, face blank, green eyes studying.

And causing Ichigo's breath to come short, an explosion rang off beneath the rubble, everything shifting swiftly, sealing exits.

Rukia's voice beside him, "Oh my God…"

He was running now, towards the collapsed building, dread forming a weighted pit in his gut, until…!

Another rocking explosion, **"Hado 63: ****Raikōhō****!"**

The yellow energy was massive, and it tore through the caved in building, flying to the sky. The static could be felt from where the ginger stood, but that wasn't what enraptured his interest. What did was the figure bolting out just moments behind it, her thin, released blade in her hand, going straight for the Negación?!

And then she hit it.

* * *

**( H A Z U M I )**

I was gripping Kuria-Dei as tightly as I could, her black hilt poised in my hand.

I had a few minutes.

She gave me five minutes. I was going to use them to my advantage.

With her released state in my hands, I flew out of the building, which had completely toppled over now, heading straight for the Negación which held those two Espada. I wasn't letting them get away, oh no. I did not get my ass handed to me just for them to get away.

I was at the edge of the Negación…!

And then I hit it, and I found myself staring into the callous green eyes of an Espada. He watched me, unfeeling, his expression not budging.

Then, "Shinigami… what are you doing?"

His voice was just what I would have imagined, monotonous and cold.

The blue-eyed Arrancar scoffed from beside him, "Bitch doesn't know when to…"

But he trailed off once he saw what my zanpakutou was doing.

_Kuria-Dei was the perfect zanpakutou for infiltrations. _

_Her reiatsu, so light and unnoticeable. _

_So sharp and quick with her business._

With hard black eyes, I shoved the tip of Dei's blade against the Negación, gritting my teeth as my time ticked away, knowing I would collapse if I didn't hurry the hell up. Cutting my eyes to the Espada that tried to cero my face off, my eyes scrunched in anger and I spat venom, "You fucked with the wrong Fuku Kidōchō, Espada."

I could only feel this irrational rage again, like back in the warehouse with Mon. I wanted to hurt this Espada.

Bad.

Fire burned through my veins, and I could feel it bubbling over, engulfing me.

…And I embraced it this time.

With another shove, I used the one technique that never failed me, **"Guraindo!" **

And those unfeeling, emerald eyes widened, just a bit.

This was different from breaking Hachi's barrier. More effective. Instead of just cracking slightly and letting me through, I broke a chunk off this one.

This one… I entered.

Slashing Kuria-Dei in the direction of the one with the remnants of his hollow mask on his jawbone, he caught my blade, scoffing at me. I made a sound in the back of my throat, adding more pressure, while he just held it there, seemingly nonchalant.

"You don't know what ta quit, do ya, girl?"

I was breathing heavily, my voice low, "I'll give you something to quit about…"

Accumulating my reiatsu, black eyes raising to meet annoyed blue orbs, then aloof green, "You'll go in this together, boys."

I felt the green eyed one turn towards me, watching with that apathetic gaze.

My grip loosened on my sword, until I dropped it, confusing blue eyes, green eyes still watching.

Uttering a small chuckle, **"Hado 90: ****Kurohitsugi—****" **

And a green cero filled my sight.

I didn't even feel panic.

Really, I didn't feel much of anything.

My lips curled wryly as I felt my energy, gone.

_What a way to die._

My hands fell to my sides as the cero came at me, until it was right there

--and I was pulled down, a hand jerking mine. The grip was tight, the warm hand enclosing mine as I fell, never once wavering in its grip. My eyes scrunching as Kuria-Dei's useful numbing effects now waning, until they were just barely there.

A Garuganta opened, and the green-eyed Espada looked back.

His name…

_**Ulquiorra. The other, Grimmjow.**_

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra.

My throat tightened as I tried to swallow, causing me to make a small sound in the back of my throat, wincing. "Hazumi?"

I couldn't hold my weight anymore. If it wasn't for this hand gripping mine, I would have plummeted to the ground. But once I went limp, my savior grabbed me with both hands, supporting my weight.

My inky eyes trailed up, seeing my savior was the one and only Ichigo Kurosaki.

My lips curled infinitesimally.

How fitting.

_I came here to save him and in the end…_

"So-sorry, Ichigo… I-I couldn't stop them…"

His brows pulled, and his eyes were looking down at me, "You idiot. I don't care about that."

I had trouble swallowing, and with a pinched expression I shuddered in a breath, feeling quite a bit of pain.

God.

I moistened my lips, "Ichigo… ma-make sure I… get to- Hachi."

I saw him nod, and before everything faded away, I brought my hand up to his face, touching it lightly, smearing blood accidently, my inky orbs brimming.

_In the end… _

_I was the one who needed to be saved, Ichigo._

It was barely there, but the sub shinigami heard it.

I know he did.

"_I'm sorry."_

* * *

**(1)**** Molotov Cocktails are bottles filled with some flammable liquid with a wick at the end that is ignited before throwing. So, a crude and- in Barry's case- unsophisticated bomb.**

**Not a footnote, but for those of you who do not know, when you wish Godspeed to another, you're wishing them good fortune or success- usually for someone who's starting a journey or venture.  
**

**But there you are, chapter nineteen. Like I said, I like this one, but it may be vague or poorly written in some areas- being realistic, not pessimistic- so I would appreciate it if you said something. Thanks!  
**


	21. Seaming Together

**A/N: **Sweet, another chapter. I'm not sure about this one. It's taken me awhile to write, just coming back to it after things, and I've changed it countless times, so I think it's good enough to be posted. Maybe. But feedback is always appreciated and adored, and I love you for reviewing, it's helps staggeringly, seriously. I wouldn't be here without help, so thank you!

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**VEINTE:**_

_"Seaming Together"_

_

* * *

_

Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell

**- Jean Paul Richter**

**

* * *

**

I was awake before Ichigo was.

With black eyes fully opened, I found myself in the Vizard warehouse, lying on the hard ground. I was by some big stone, so I deduced I was in the underground training area just beneath their cozy living quarters. 

_…Guess the bonehead does know how to listen._

I swallowed thickly, lips tipping as I felt the annoying pull of pain coming from my torso. Not something unbearable, but just a nuisance. I felt kind of… numb, actually. Mentally sedated. Like the fight hadn't registered yet.

…Like I hadn't fully comprehended the extent of Grimmjow's strength. 

_No, that's not it._

I had comprehended. I had felt it.

I was _being_ numbed. 

_Dei… stop it._

The only reply I received was silence. I didn't know why my zanpakutou didn't answer, but at the time it didn't really bother me. Hearing conversation, I turned my head towards the quiet voices, leaving my zanpakutou be.

"…In order to help him get out of this a little faster it is important to keep him away from people like us who have hollow-like reiatsu…"

It was Hachi, and… Rukia.

It took me a few moments to see what was going on, and once I did my frown only deepened. They were talking about Ichigo…

"Please take him home and let him rest…" His voice was almost melancholy. "That is the best way for him to heal…"

Heal… yeah. He had been beaten up pretty bad.

"And Hazumi?" Blinking, I stared at Rukia's back, seeing she hadn't realized I was awake and could hear them. Hachi, too, hadn't noticed, or didn't really care.

"Hazumi will be fine here. Her power… will negate the effects of our reiatsu, as well as the enemy's."

With a quiet sigh, I looked back up at the ceiling, where the fake blue sky hovered peacefully.

It was nice, being under the artificial beauty.

"Her power… is odd." 

_Thanks, Rukia… _

Then a muted, "Yes. It is different."

I closed my eyes, brows pulling. Were they really going to talk about me when I was within earshot…?

"Back there in the building, where she was pinned… the first thing she mentioned was her zanpakutou. And then Ichigo, and then her sword again. Then she broke that Negación… How was she able to…?"

Guess Rukia didn't know anything about Kuria-Dei. Coulda sworn she knew something…

I heard Hachi clear his throat, interrupting my pointless musing, "Her sword has the power to easily access, or at times, break barriers. Also… it has the abilities to anesthetize or numb certain injuries for a concentrated amount of time. She doesn't… feel her wounds," my brows met as the giant paused, "if you ask me, Kuchiki-san, it's a dangerous ability to possess." 

_Dangerous, huh._

Well, these two were making more deductions than I ever had when it came to Kuria-Dei's abilities.

…But they didn't know all of her talents. Those were for me to know. Like her negation, and her infiltration and teleportation. Her ability to mess with the inner core of one's brain, the subconscious, or unconsciousness, whatever it was called. God those were helpful.

Rukia's quiet murmur, "To fight without physical restraints… that's a big risk."

Hachi's deep voice, "I agree. But Hazumi-san doesn't seem to understand the risk. With the way she continues, she'll go too far—"

"… I can hear you."

Startled, violet eyes flickered to where I stood, leaning against a conveniently placed boulder just a few feet from the two, my lips twisting. Golden eyes slowly rose to meet shadowy orbs, which looked over the two passively. My Vizard friend frowned slightly, "Hazumi-san…"

Holding up my hand, I stopped the Vizard, not really in the mood for bullshit. Hachi didn't need to defend himself. The big bloke had just been voicing his concerns, that's all. "I don't care. Voice your opinions, that's what so great about having a voice. My presence has never stopped you before, anyways."

For a few moments, he stared at me, that serious expression plastered on, but it slowly melted away as he gazed at me, at ease. I felt Rukia's stare on me, slowly warming, but still wary. "Should you be moving…?"

My lips curled for her benefit, and I buried my hand in my loose thick hair, rubbing my head, "Eh. I'm okay. Hachi did a good job."

_I've got some things to do, anyways._ I wanted to voice it, but didn't. I felt as if I should have told her, but she would have objected, and things would have just gotten complicated and strained between the two of us. But with those big violet eyes boring a hole in my head, I felt as if she knew what I was up to, and maybe she did. But she didn't say anything, and I'm not sure why she didn't. Rukia usually told me how she felt.

…_It's better this way._

It _was_ better that way, because I had a good feeling this Nest was going to be real messy, and I might not…

"Let's get Ichigo outa here, Kuchiki."

Nodding, she turned to the unconscious boy, and I noted her shoulders slumped a little, hardly noticeable. But I got it, and I realized Rukia was quite concerned about the sub shinigami's state. My gaze also trailed to the sleeping ginger, face visibly softening when I saw his still form. Coals transforming to soot when I caught sight of the placid expression on his handsome face.

Frown deepening, I walked by the short woman, stopping at the kid's side.

_Stupid… _

Crouching, I stared at Ichigo, all sorts of feelings swarming in my brain.

The most evident?

My heavy heart. The melancholy I had sensed from Hachi earlier was setting in.

With good reason, too.

Murmuring, "Let's go, Rukia."

I didn't catch the questioning look thrown my way, nor did I notice her suspicion.

Didn't matter to me anyways.

I'd be gone soon.

_

* * *

_

Nightfall came swiftly.

I rapped my fingers rhythmically on my knee, sitting against the cold wall in the quiet room, a big frown coating my lips. The clock on Ichigo's desk read late, and normally I would have been asleep at this hour. But these were not under normal circumstances. 

_That Nest is growin', I can feel it. Its reiatsu is heavier and more threatening by the day. _

_And those Espada were kickass, I couldn't face one alone. _

_That Ulquiorra swatted me away like an annoying gnat. _

_…I can't wait any longer._

With that thought, I grabbed for the Gikongan stuffed in my pocket, swallowing the tiny sphere, relaxing as I escaped that restraining gigai. Glancing back at the mod-soul, I didn't even have the will to find myself exasperated with the absurdity of its actions. Just speaking low, "Get to Kisuke Urahara. Stay with him."

It blinked at me, those dull coal eyes staring. Then it stood abruptly, silently making its way to the door, exiting.

Softly exhaling, I turned around, eyes landing on two sleeping figures beside Ichigo's bed. His two sisters, Yuzu and Karin, had eaten dinner in there with him while he was unconscious. I had come in a few hours earlier to find them asleep, and there I had stayed, just sitting against that wall, indecisive.

Go or stay.

Fight here or go alone. Finally the latter had won. I was finally getting around to my job. It didn't matter if Barry's bomb was incomplete or not; I absolutely could not wait any longer. Things were gradually getting worse, and soon it would be a total shitstorm. Too soon things would get irreparable.

I couldn't _not_ do anything.

So there I was, now at Ichigo's bedside, looking down at him with my inky eyes, expression blue.

The stupid kid got his ass kicked.

_I_ got my ass kicked.

But he always took so long to heal. So high maintenance. Uttering a quiet, mirthless chuckle, "Look at you. All beat up. You really are a stupid kid."

My lips curving bitterly, my eyes weighing tremendously, I felt it hard to swallow. It was suddenly hard to breathe. Why did my heart feel so heavy…? I was speaking to the unconscious ginger, quiet. Tone melancholic. I didn't even think down upon the weakness in my voice, of my feelings. "I'm going away for awhile, Ichigo. It's…"

Here I stopped, exhaling. My voice was wavering, and I felt my eyes well. I couldn't even say it out loud. Even when he couldn't hear me. So I did the only thing I could, the only thing I wanted at times like these. Contact.

I grasped his warm hand, gripping it weakly. I didn't want to wake him, but I needed it, and I was feeling selfish.

_It's not lookin' so good, Ichigo. My chances of coming out alive…_

"The first time I talked to you, I thought you were an insane moron. But then I saw that you… you were so determined, and you honestly believed you would succeed. It got me thinking that you would, too."

Gripping a little tighter, I felt the salty moisture in my eyes spill over, but I didn't move to rub it away.

I didn't care.

"Your room is so bland, you know that? Reminds me of Hosyu." 

_Hosyu… _Lamenting was never my thing, but thinking that I would never see my nagging brother again brought on a fresh batch of tears, and I hunched over, feeling as if I were being torn in two, a chasm forming deep inside me. Eventually just settling to sit on my knees, my forehead against the side of Ichigo's mattress. Weeping, I held on to the ginger's hand, feeling so alone.

I was going to die alone.

"E-even after five hundred years… I'm not ready to die."

It didn't seem that long, looking back on it.

"I've finally…"

It all just passed in one big blur.

"I've finally found…"

Nothing really standing out, nothing causing incredible happiness, nothing so exciting. Bringing my murky orbs to Ichigo's face, I exhaled unsteadily, expression crumbling. "I've finally found something worth keeping. Finally found someone that makes this period in my life slow down and… pleasant. And I've got to give it up. What kind of… mad world is this?"

I didn't expect an answer. And I didn't receive one.

All I got in return was overwhelming silence.

Overbearing, smothering silence.

I choked back a sob, pulled away from the bed, stood and moved to turn away

-and hesitated when I felt a light grip on my hand. My ink-like orbs fell on our interlinked hands, seeing that the boy was still asleep, but unconsciously holding on. That made it exceptionally hard to leave. But somehow I found the resolve to gently unhook our joined hands, run a soft hand through his mop of orange hair before I went to pieces.

Placing a bulky object on his nightstand before turning away, I realized that I would never find the contact and connection I needed. I would never feel that link with Ichigo again, and I would never see him again. We'd never bicker and argue and insult one another again. 

_I'll miss you. You came close, Kurosaki._

He came awfully close. "You came close Ichigo, but I'll never fall in love. I won't ever… know what it feels like."

I couldn't tear my gaze away from his face. I wanted to see it, just one more time.

Just to be with him.

_"But if I could guess… I bet this is what it would be like."_

* * *

Morning.

The sun shined brightly through the thin curtains, peeking through the cracks.

"Uhg…"

Rolling over, still sleeping. Lethargic, really. "Guhh…"

What was it, almost noon? Stereotypical teenager sleeping 'til the crack of noon.

"GAH!"

Looking in, one would just see a boy sitting on the ground, rubbing his head, muttering to himself. Really he had just woken up, having fallen out of bed from waking from a particularly disturbing nightmare. His tawny eyes were still laden with sleep, and he looked quite annoyed as he rubbed his face. "So I had a nightmare and fell out of bed. I'm so lame… Man my head hurts like—"

But then the ginger stopped abruptly in his mutterings, alarmed.

Feeling quite better than he had before sleep.

His hand…

_It's healed. _

"…Who…?!"

He closed his eyes in thought, trying to identify this familiar reiatsu. But it was strange. There were two… Turning his head to pinpoint the source of the more prominent reiatsu, his eyes landed on his night table, blinking.

_What is that…?_ Stretching to grasp it, his hand enclosed on a thick little… insignia? Bringing it closer, his eyes widened as he read the inscriptions, the Kanji. The feel of the energy around it. No doubt, this was Hazumi's. The energy around it was faint, and her reiatsu was also faint. But the feel of it. So… tired. Sorrowful.

His brows pulled as he felt the strange reiatsu, confused as to why this felt so different.

It was almost like a separate entity, melancholy and in grief. 

_What the…?_

And then, something he remembered. 

_"So basically, I just gotta kill that Arrancar and destroy the Nest, and then I'm to await my orders from there."_

No… Hazumi… 

_"I'm finding myself in what seems to be a suicide mission."_

She… the idiot!

She went alone…!

Gripping the hefty insignia tightly, Ichigo's face scrunched in anger, helplessness. _Suicide mission…_ She didn't even ask for help! The reason for such sorrowful reiatsu emanating from her badge. She was assigned a suicide mission. She actually went through with it.

She didn't even… say anything. She didn't even tell him that she was leaving. But she had been there. She had been in his room last night, judging by the reiatsu. And she left her badge there. But why? Why would she go there and not wake him? And what was with this other reiatsu…?

"This reiatsu is…"

"From Inoue Orihime and Nagasaki Hazumi most likely."

Blinking, tawny eyes flew to the windowsill, where Hitsugaya Toshiro stood, brows pulled.

He spoke, serious, "Come with me right away, Kurosaki. It's an emergency."

* * *

"How long has she been gone, Barry?"

"Hours."

Mon sighed, closing her coral eyes slowly.

Moistening her lips, "Then what are we doing?"

Silence.

Barry stood calmly in front of a cracked window of the warehouse, gazing outside. Over the years, the apathetic bombs artist had added many windows to her living quarters, enjoying the sunlight that filtered through. She could see everything through those openings. The beauty of the world, and then the ugliness. She liked seeing the whole of everything.

Her messy navy hair fell in waves down her back, and she folded her small hands behind her back, still. She wore simple black spandex shorts and a dark tank, fingerless gloves covering her laced hands. The lean woman exhaled inaudibly, her olive orbs taking in the sight of the city passively, her expression neutral. Always was.

Her pink lips moved slowly, "There's a shadow over the city."

Mon's gaze followed Barry's, looking out the big arched window to the buzzing town, seeing the lights of buildings light up the sky.

A shadow over the city…

"Why do you say that?" Her light soprano voice floated throughout the spacey warehouse, and Barry leaned to the side, pea eyes blinking.

"It's darkening. Things are changing. Hazumi's gone off, the shinigami are close, we've made contact with the Vizards since God knows how long, and there's someone approaching awfully fast…"

Barry said this all with her normal, bored tone, and that last comment had coral blinking, taken aback.

"Wha—"

But the slow creaking of the big warehouse door cut the short woman off, and she turned, alert. Tensing, she went for her Wakizashi hanging on the wall, but Barry stayed where she was, facing the shadowed city.

The door opened completely, and a tall figure stepped in, glancing around. Wakizashi now at his neck, "Don't move a muscle, you—"

"Must be Ichigo Kurosaki."

Blinking, coral flicked to where the artist stood, noting she hadn't moved in the slightest bit.

Ichigo Kurosaki… Hazumi… Her wrist slackened in realization, and she dropped her short sword by her waist, clearing her throat at the tall ginger. "My apologies, Kurosaki-san, but maybe next time you may have the courtesy to knock…?"

There Ichigo stood, disheveled in his school uniform, tawny eyes heavy with worry and… sadness. He nodded slightly at the small girl, only glancing at her through the corner of his eye. She was small, maybe as small as Toshiro, with light apricot eyes and darker pink hair. She was wearing a simple pair of tights and a long-sleeved tee, and really, she looked nothing like a fighter.

The smaller girl took a few steps back, sighing, and turned around, making her way to a long, wooden bar alongside the far wall.

With her out of the picture, his haunted eyes trailed to the woman at the window, who hadn't turned yet. She just stood there with her hands laced behind her back, staring out. She spoke; her bored voice somehow not an annoying monotoned drawl, "What can I do you for, kid?"

And she turned, her olive orbs taking sight of the kid.

Ichigo took a few steps forward, not bothered by the acrid smoke that filled the warehouse, seeing a desk full of wires and small contraptions, to the bar with a stock of drinks, back to the lean woman that stood before him. "You're Barry."

She had somehow produced a cigarette, and was now lighting it, quiet. "That's me."

"You know where Hazumi is."

"I'm sure you know where, too."

Ichigo's gaze lowered to the floor, tawny eyes somewhat scrunching as he gripped something tightly in his hand, which was hanging at his side. "I don't know where it is."

"Maybe there's a reason for that."

He lifted his head, seeing the woman was back at the window, her cigarette hanging by her side. She exhaled, creating a cloud of smoke that proceeded to surround her head, hugging her with its noxious haze.

Frowning deeply, he narrowed his eyes at her back, but the navy-haired woman continued. "I sound like some vague old hag, I know. I've known Hazumi for a long time, and I've come to learn she's a brash little bitch who does things… to other's convenience."

Barry tapped the ashes away from her cancer stick, eyes glued to the grey sky, seeing an airplane pass through the muggy clouds. She was talking again, "I'm sure she said goodbye in her own way. That's why you've got her badge in your hand, and that's why her reiatsu is still faintly hovering around you."

Ichigo frowned, bringing his hand up to look at the bulky badge, brows furrowing.

How did Barry know he had this…? 

_Goodbye in her own way._

_Does things to other's convenience._

"She didn't want to bother you, most likely. That's how she used to be, and she hasn't really changed much."

"But she has." Barry blinked, turning to the side slightly to see the ginger, lips curling infinitesimally as she saw him straighten a bit, his eyes go from utterly depressed to having a backbone. "She has, huh. And I suppose you've known her for four hundred years, too?"

Lips twisting, Ichigo grunted, about having it with this woman.

She really did know it all.

He was gripping the insignia tightly again, "She's open about… past occurrences with me. She…"

_She faced off with my inner hollow and accepted me anyways. _

_She saved my skin against Grimmjow. _

_She… accepts me._

"Ahh. I see now."

Blinking, the ginger refocused his gaze on Barry, frowning slightly.

"You hear that, Hosyu? I think the kid's got a little crush on your sister!"

Hosyu…? A slight shuffling came from behind, and Ichigo turned, seeing a figure seated at the worn bar, drink in hand. With a closer look, he saw it was a man with dark brown hair and forest green eyes, shinigami attire in hand. He had a sword leaning against his seat, and he was looking straight at the ginger, lips compressed. Then he spoke, "That'll be that day. Hazumi's about as cuddly as a cactus."

_Hosyu… Hazumi's brother._

"What are you doing here?"

He didn't really mean to say it, but he heard the words fly out of his own regardless, his brain processing it seconds later. It sounded almost accusing, but Hosyu didn't take it to heart. Or at least, for the most part.

There may have been a slight edge to his voice, "A little thing called sibling loyalty."

Barry saved the ginger's skin before too much damage was done, pointedly speaking to Ichigo, "Hazumi had him on standby when she left Seireitei, just in case. But since the recent news about Aizen's plans, he was taken off to train or some dumb shit like that. But Hosyu here seems to have the same rebellious streak running through him like Hazumi, and here we are."

"You're awfully talkative for a fugitive, Barry."

The woman sent a deadpan stare over Hosyu's way, not even having the immaturity to comment.

Ichigo just stood there, mind spinning. Meeting Barry, meeting Hosyu and Mon, Hosyu had come here without permission, Orihime disappearing, the others suddenly leaving… but the thing that stood out the most: Hazumi had gone off alone.

There was a good chance she wouldn't come out alive.

Do something about that. He couldn't lose her.

He wouldn't. It was preventable. He would help, he would protect her. He said he would; now he'd do it.

He just needed to get to that Nest and find her.

Make sure she wasn't eaten alive…

"Kurosaki."

Ichigo brought his head up; gaze trailing over to Hosyu's seated form, silent.

The emerald-eyed man spoke seriously, "I am aware of Inoue Orihime's current status. It all seems like a load of horseshit, too. I met her once, once, and I can see she's not the person to go running off with some Arrancar. So," he leveled his gaze with Ichigo's, suddenly grave, "let us handle Hazumi's shit predicament, and you go save your friend."

It took a few moments for his words to sink in, and when they did Ichigo had a hard time agreeing with said suggestion. Just… leave Hazumi? Like that?

Leave _her_ life in _his_ hands?

"She _is_ his sister, Ichigo." The soft voice came from the couches, where the little pink-haired girl sat through the whole conversation, silent. Until now. "I think we can handle this."

_We…? _

Barry inhaled that cigarette held loosely between her fingers, studying the way Ichigo's face morphed with emotion. "Yeah, somehow we're bein' dragged in on this one, kid. After all…" Here she gestured lightly to the messy desk in the corner, rolling her eyes lazily, "how is she supposed blow up the place without a bomb…?"

* * *

**Tell me what you think!**


	22. Reduce to Ashes

**A/N:** Oh boy. Finally. I apologize how long this took. I've been in a funk lately. I'm not sure how this turned out, so as always, I appreciate your input immensely. Thank you for being patient with me. Hopefully this is worth the wait. I love you, reviewers/alerters/people who favorite me as your author. You all are so great. So, here's chapter... I'm not even sure. Twenty one, I guess.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veintiuno:**_

_"Reduce to Ashes"_

_

* * *

_

Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire.

**- Fred Shero**

* * *

"Fucking disgusting."

My lips twisted in a particularly nasty grimace as I gazed down at my foot, which had taken to sinking in some kind of black, gooey slime. It was almost like tar… and a few suspicious bubbles had me skeptical about walking through it, but I certainly couldn't sprout wings and fly through the damn cave, so I had to settle for my own two feet.

Wait; let me back up for a moment. As you may have guessed by now, yes, I was meandering around this nauseating cave all by my lonesome, disgusted by this horrid… masterpiece. It was such a work, let me tell you. This cave was deep, deeper than I had thought. It was grimy, with black liquid oozing from the walls and puddles of the inky substance all over the ground. It was almost like quicksand. Stalactites above hung with the black gook dripping in methodized splats, and stalagmites rose from the floor, coated in a fuzzy moss. It reeked of death. Stale death. It was black and cold and stale.

_I should die down and just settle here…_

Yeah, my hysteria had died down by now. I was back to being me. Apathetic and unmotivated. Hating everything. Normal. I mean, I didn't do this alone. I couldn't let go of that bubbling franticness, so Kuria-Dei had stepped in, begrudgingly might I add. She used that power of hers, something with the unconscious mind, and there I was, okay again. Accepting. I'd kill that Arrancar in the blast, when I destroyed this vile Nest. 

_**I don't agree with this at all. You shouldn't be here alone. Ichigo was more than willing to come, and if I weren't so concerned about you I'd stop numbing you and add a little more fear to that thick skull of yours.**_

"Will you just stop talking…"

_**Nothing gets to you! NOTHING AT ALL-!**_

_ Like I said, just stop talking._

However, something Kuria-Dei couldn't stop was the lingering sadness.

But in this type of situation, it'd be kind of unhealthy to not feel sorrow.

I was most likely going to die, simply put. 

_**Hazumi…**_

"What is it now, you hag? I'm thinking, and you know how important it is for me, the master, to get through a simple thought process—" 

_**The hollows are coming.**_

She was always so aware, Kuria-Dei. Always paying attention to the slightest of details in our surroundings, such as the shrew, guttural shrieks of the approaching Gillian up above. I could only count my blessings as I drew my faithful zanpakutou, steeling myself.

And as the first cero was fired, I prepared myself for the beginning of the end.

* * *

"You think he'll listen?" Securing her Wakizashi tightly on her back, Mon questioned her two companions lightly, her coral eyes scrunching as she adjusted the short katana.

Barry, who had taken to gathering her materials over by her desk, remained silent, those pea orbs passive and uncaring. She reached over her workspace to the wall, where a thick black belt hung, and she lifted it off its hook, moving to strap it on her waist.

Hosyu watched her from the corner of his eye a moment longer before turning to the short girl who had spoken, seeing her small, heart-shaped face coated in a somewhat concerned shade. He made a _tsking_ sound before shrugging his shoulders, pushing off his barstool and stretching, "Maybe. The stupid kid will probably want to be the hero again. He sure is strong enough—"

"He'll listen."

Emerald and coral cut to the entrance of the bulky warehouse, where the navy-haired bombs artist now stood, tossing a suspicious looking bottle up and down, her waist secured with similar questionable items and devices. With one hand she grasped a little strap of a bag on her back, hefting it up and causing a sketchy rattling sound to echo throughout the spacey residence.

Her expression was still blank, "It's pretty obvious that he's against not going. He undeniably cares about the dumb blonde, God knows why. But it's also evident that he won't just leave a friend hanging like that in Hueco Mundo. He's not that stupid. Hazumi's got cavalry coming; that Orihime chick doesn't. Add it up, nimrods."

* * *

The hours were starting to blur together.

The monstrous faces of the hollows I had slain were, too, hazing. Maybe it had been a day or two, I wasn't real sure by now. To say I was starting to get tired was bit of an understatement. My thick hair had fallen to a loose bun from all the movement I had done, and I felt my legs burning. I knew I was bleeding, but I didn't know where from. I had been knocked around a bit by those Gillian.

They just came in packs, one after another.

It was a nightmare, being here.

I hated the Kidoshu business. Usually I would be with a small group and we would be done within hours at most, but this was by far the suckiest thing I had done in the last couple decades. Kuria-Dei, too, had her qualms. Actually, they were a bit stronger than qualms. Flat out issues. She was pretty exasperated with Seireitei by now.

She pretty much thought they sucked. 

_**You were denied assistance, Hazumi. Of course I would think lesser of them.**_

Yeah, about that…

_This big television screen thing in Orihime's room was quite a sight, and I thought it pretty nifty. I mean, who would really think of shit like this? Fuckin' psychos like Mayuri? _

_Shifting my weight to the side, I crossed my arms as I waited for the link to fully connect, sighing as the screen stayed blank. Stupid Soul Society and their slowness. Glancing to my left, my eyes strayed to a figure leaning against the wall, their short stature and white hair blaring out like a beacon. Hitsugaya was in the room with me to speak with Yamamoto too, concerning himself with my affairs. I was almost grateful to the shrimp. But I knew how this would play out. He would be denied, and I would continue on. He would be disgruntled, and I would still have my head in the clouds, thinking of how the hell I was going to pull this shit off. So far I had come up with nothing._

_ I was fucked. _

_"You know, Hitsugaya-san…" My black orbs were focused on the ceiling, spotting a few cracks. _

_Orihime really needed to fix that… _

_I continued when I felt his eyes on me, "This is a big waste of your time. You could be doing something useful. We both kinda know this situation blows and he's not going to send cavalry. It's not his decision." _

_He didn't respond for a few moments, and we both basked in the silence after my crude speech. So what if I didn't speak with sugar coating my words? That was stupid. Say what you feel. That was more or less my childhood lesson. _

_I heard him scoff, "Tch, no manners whatsoever. You should appreciate that I'm doing this—"_

_ "I do." My voice was quiet, and my tone caused him to not bark about how rude I was about interrupting him. I could tell he was mildly surprised. Me and Hitsugaya, we didn't know each other so well. We both got our work done. Sometimes we were both slightly unpredictable. I respected the kid; he got a lot of shit for his age. That didn't change anything here though. I was alone in this. _

_And then the screen buzzed on, and I was face to face with my commanding officer, Hilo Boggnamo. _

_Giving a small wave, "Nice ta see you haven't keeled over while I've been gone, Taicho." _

_He didn't react, just blinked his beady, brown eyes. His beard looked more fluffy and voluptuous than usual. _

_He probably used a new conditioner… _

_"Nagasaki." And he got straight down to business. "Your last report caused me a bit of wonder. The radars are now reading what you have last sent. The numbers match now." _

_He was basically saying I had done a good job at uncovering all of the reiatsu condensers that Arrancar had placed. He was saying the Nest was as strong as I had said, and it was very, very threatening to Seireitei's good health. _

_"However." This where he was going to say he couldn't send help in a very diplomatic way. _

_"Despite the readings, I cannot afford to send you aid. If you can't do this…" _

_Huh. Not as diplomatic as I last remembered. _

_"It would be a waste of time to send any other."_

_…What? _

_"Come again?" This came from the shrimp beside me, whose teal eyes had narrowed in suspicion, and he had crossed his arms defensively. Scrunching my eyes, I too stared at the screen in wait for an answer. I didn't really understand what the old man was saying either. _

_Boggnamo sighed, running a hand through his white beard, closing his eyes. He took a moment, and then my fears were confirmed. My next move was set in stone. And I didn't have a say in it. _

_"If Nagasaki cannot do this alone, then not another soldier in the Kidoshu can complete this. I'm afraid she is our last, and first in this case, resort."_

Great, huh.

"Lost in thought yet again, Hazumi Nagasaki."

Well shit.

* * *

"You feel her reiatsu in there?"

Mon's soft soprano ended in questioning uncertainty.

"Fuck, this place is like a cave. What the hell?!"

Hosyu stood with wide emerald eyes, blinking.

"What'd you think it would be?"

"Not this damn big!"

Barry stepped forward, unfazed by Hosyu's surprise. "You thought your sister did some pansy shit in the Kidoshu, Hosyu?"

Hosyu frowned, looking at the bombs artist before him.

She was strong, standing there. Not disconcerted in the slightest bit. She had changed. The last two hundred years had been rough on her, by the look of it. Tearing his gaze away from the navy-haired woman, he scoffed, orbs trailing back to the large cave towering over him, uneasy.

Barry started walking again, talking to him over her shoulder. "Your sister's probably tougher than you are. You don't know half the shit she does, huh."

Mon sighed, rubbing her face with her palms before following the apathetic woman, leaving Hosyu to stand there, fists balled. "Let's not argue."

Barry just shrugged, scratching the back of her neck in annoyance, furthering herself from the outside.

_Hazumi, your reiatsu is fluctuating. What the fuck is up with you?_

They were all more or less thinking the same thing.

And they all heard the shrieks of the Gillian from inside.

"Com'on. Hazumi might be tough, but she's a moron."

And that's how Hosyu took a step and lead the way.

* * *

Breathing heavily, I slid back, running my hand along the rough ground to stop myself from hitting the wall of this stupid cave behind me. My opponent's breathing was labored as well, and he grinned, those disgusting yellow teeth dimly glowing in the obscured dark. He straightened, and Sol Claro watched as I stood, chuckling deeply.

I sneered, "What's so funny?"

The blonde Arrancar just exhaled heavily, patting his fat stomach. "It's just that… ya think you can beat me. A little girl, thinkin' she can beat me, Sol Claro!"

And his laughter. God it was obnoxious.

Laughing like this was some _fucking_ joke.

Like this whole thing didn't mean shit to him.

Fine. If he wanted it to be like that.

I drew my sword so quickly he didn't even catch sight, and released Kuria-Dei with just a murmur. The dumb shit was still laughing, so I rolled my black eyes, tensing. Gripping the black hilt tightly, I spoke loud enough so he could hear me, "Don't know why your laugin'. You're the one with just one arm."

Cue abrupt stop to laughter.

And me right in front of the fat fuck. "Just a piece of trash in Aizen's eyes."

I swung, he disappeared, and things really picked up. He suddenly wasn't smiling anymore. His amber eyes had hardened, and his sword was also in his hand. But I didn't care what this idiot Arrancar was feeling. I didn't care about his arrogance and strength. He was going to die. He wouldn't kill me. I had a mission to complete. Those were the only thoughts that ran through my head as our swords met, clashed against one another and spun with so much force.

This Sol Claro had some serious skill. I soon realized it was better than mine, and when Kuria Dei was flung out of my hand and embedded in the ground a few yards away, it was confirmed that his swordsmanship far exceeded mine.

_Fuck._ I didn't take my eyes off him as he stood a few feet away from me, positioning his sword so it looked fairly comfortable in his grasp. And he spoke to me, "You got skill, for a Fuku Kidōchō and all. But you don't got the skill that I possess. Your swordsmanship is—"

He caught my foot, which had been aimed for his skull, and he held tight, grinning like some Cheshire cat. "You such in a hurry, girl. And you look so tired. What's wrong, Nagasaki?"

His grip tightened on my foot, and before I know it, I'm crashing into the slimy cavern wall, choking on pain. There was so much going on, inside and outside of my head. So much movement. Voices, howling from hollows. Anger. So when I sat there, unmoving, covered by dust and the cave-in of the wall, I went to grab for my insignia

-and froze.

I always relied on that thing to bring me back, but now I didn't have it.

I had passed it on to Ichigo.

_Another fucking sacrifice._

I needed it, and he would to. That's why I had given it to him. Because I knew it would be useful, and I'd do anything to help that kid. I'd do pretty much anything for him at this point, as long as it lead to his success.

"You didn't put up much of a fight, girl."

He was just a few feet away.

I had to do something; I would not fail. I would not die in this shithole.

_**Finally, some sense in you.**_

Some sense indeed.

_Help me, Dei. We'll do this… together._

Sol Claro was standing over me, sword poised. A sneer coated his corpulent face, and his yellow teeth caught my sight yet again.

"Rot, shinigami."

And his sword came down. 

_**Together…**_

_**

* * *

**_

The marble throne room was sterile, silent, and still. Only two figures were in there; one on the throne, and the other standing below him, head bowed in the utmost respect. Jade eyes then lifted to meet chestnut, and the pasty Arrancar stood there for a moment, hands in his pockets, blank.

The man on the throne, not truly a man, nor a shinigami, smirked, his brown eyes remaining that cold shade. His voice was calm and elegant; everything about him seemed to be. "Thank you, Ulquiorra. An interesting report, you have given me."

Jade only blinked, nodding once. But Aizen saw something flicker across the Espada's face, and he couldn't have that.

"What is it, Ulquiorra?"

Ulquiorra stayed silent for a few moments, his expression never budging. Like it was frozen. His low, monotone voice echoed throughout the empty space, "The woman will kill Sol Claro. I see not the point of that trash's station, Aizen-sama."

A small chuckle made its way through the King's throat, and Aizen placed his chin on his palm, that calm smile still in place. He gazed down at his loyal Espada, authority just oozing from his persona. "I have no doubt Hazumi Nagasaki will annihilate Sol Claro and the Nest, Ulquiorra Cifer. My intentions for her there are not to die, but to grow."

He paused, looking off now, a sinister smirk curling his lips, darkening his demeanor drastically.

His voice was deeper, "She will grow colder by the time I am done with her. She will suffer in her demise. Alone and cold."

And those unspoken words causing so much hatred to emanate from the seemingly calm man.

S_he will never have the chance to have her power negate mine. She will grow, hope, and crash. _

Yes. She would fall, along with every single pitiful shinigami out there. The power from the released Hōgyoku would finish them all.

And the power of that brother of hers would rip her to shreds.

* * *

Kuria-Dei was in my hands, blocking Sol Claro's thick blade.

His expression had gone from mad to astonished, his hard amber eyes widening with his shock.

Gritting my teeth, I pressed my palm against Dei's flat blade, adding more force on my end, making the tubby Arrancar stumble back, huffing. And I took the only opening I saw. But Sol Claro reacted fast, bringing his arm up to counter, the _ringing_ of our blades the echoing throughout the dim cavern.

He gave a strained smirk, "This is what I want ta see!"

"Fuck you."

Haughty laughter filled my ears, and my black orbs steeled, narrowing in annoyance. He gave another forceful shove before using _Sonído_ to flash away, grunting and sucking in air. I stilled for a moment, taking in the sight of the hefty Arrancar before me. His short yellow hair matched his equally yellowing teeth. His golden-brown eyes were slowly filling with hatred and impatience, and his grimace suggested he was slowly tiring. Good.

I was- No.

Kuria-Dei and I were getting somewhere.

_**Let's finish this, Hazumi. You've got a substitute shinigami to assist.**_

Agreeing wholeheartedly with her statement, I moved my feet to spring, holing Dei's blade horizontally, gripping it tightly. "Can't exactly say it was nice to know you, Arrancar. But… you put up a swell fight."

Another step, tighter grip, harder set to my jaw, and you've got a Fuku Kidōchō ready to kill. But at the last second a pull caused me to hesitate, a pull from inside.

_**Don't fucking move, Hazumi.**_

And suddenly there was this deafening roar, and a crushing eruption of power that had my knee buckling, my eyes squinting. I made some kind of choking sound, and I felt the atmosphere shift drastically. It was hot.

So fucking hot.

And I heard it. Some crackling sound.

And then, "**Quema, Abrasadora!" (1)**

The explosion of heat was almost unbearable. Just one second everything was dark and damp, and the next everything is scalding, and there's fire blazing all around me, inside this dinky cavern. Sure, the cave was big, but when there's fire burning all around you, it doesn't seem so big anymore. It felt like a fucking microwave or one of those old conventional ovens, for Christ's sake!

I gasped in a breath, eyes watering as it just felt dry, and somehow my throat burned from just breathing. Sweltering.

Jesus!

"Ahh, girl. Now you're gonna die."

And there was Sol Claro, holding some kind of… fireball?! Oh my God. What was he, Hades now? It stretched up his arm, engulfing the limb in fire, and his sword was gone. It was just him and the fire. He seemed fatter, as well. Squinting, I held my arm over my forehead, feeling this sudden dread filling my gut.

_**Don't panic. We've still got-**_

_I'm not using that here, Dei._

_**You're fuckin' crazy!**_

_No, just rational._

She snorted real lady-like, but she didn't say anything else on the matter of me using one of my most draining techniques. I mean hell, I sucked with swordsmanship, and I sure as hell wasn't going to use some attack like the ones she had in mind. I still sucked when it came to that area, at least, compared to Sol Claro up in here.

Speaking of, he was walking towards me now. I could feel the heat approaching. I looked straight into his burning amber eyes, frowning. He had this set grim expression, and his lips twisted in a nasty sneer.

"Should have just died earlier girl. This…"

Here he held up his hand, which had ignited real bright.

"This will hurt much more."

And he was gone.

Oh no, never mind; he was right behind me.

"Oh shi—"

**"****Combustión!" **

**"Bakudo 81: Danku!"**

His attack and my spell went off simultaneously, and the collision was staggering. My legs wobbled from the force, and the sight was somethin', let me tell you. Just seeing the flames on the other side of that clear barrier, reaching out and licking anything it touches, burning, seething. And cracking my barrier.

Full on cracking, and shattering.

Flames engulfing me.

Looking back on the experience, I can't form words to describe the pain. It was unimaginable, being sucked up in some fire like that I had. My head was screaming, body aching, and I felt skin ravaging. I felt as if I were in a pyre, being incinerated alive.

I remember not making a sound, too engrossed in this searing agony stretching across my stomach, arms, reaching the side of my face. Crippling me with this poison, inflicting so much pain.

I felt my skin scalding, burning me, white hot torment warping me.

And a faint, deep voice, "This is the end."

And a few things happened at once. One, despite my agony, I knew I needed to do something. I said I would not die, and somehow throughout this whole torturous process, the thought of murdering this punk-ass Arrancar zipped through my mind.

Second, I felt three familiar reiatsu arrive, and shouts of panic and rage resounded throughout the cave.

And last, just as I felt some kind of wet, oily substance drench me, I did the last thing I was physically able to.

Shoved my sword straight forward, felt it pierce flesh, and shoved some more.

Finally screamed from the pain. Feeling the searing flames escalate in their ferocity, feeling as if my skin was literally blistering and I was going to be roasted like a turkey.

Smoldering flames getting the best of me.

My raspy words made everything go away.

**"****Hyōga Seiran." (2)**

And everything froze.

And me… I was gone.

* * *

**(1)** Means "Scorch, Burning" in spanish. His Resurrección

**(2)** Used by Koga Kuchiki. Unknown number, but a destructive spell.


	23. Flaws

**A/N: **Hello hello. So, chapter twenty two. Lately chapters have been a struggle, but this one came much smoother. Hopefully I'm back in it, and hopefully you couldn't tell the difference to begin with. But I think you lot of all intelligent readers, so I'm thinkin' you did notice. Anyways, I hope this is a nice chapter for you! And thank you so much reviewers. Literally, that's what's been keeping this up. I love you guys so much.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Beach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veintidós:**_

_"Flaws"_

_

* * *

_Women are like teabags, you never know how strong they are until they are put in hot water

**- Eleanor Roosevelt**

**

* * *

**

When you're young, you dream.

Maybe about becoming some magical ruler of a country, or saving innocent children from gnawing hunger in third world countries, or maybe being a princess and living in a giant castle with your prince. And when you grow, those dreams change. Become more realistic.

But remnants of those childhood dreams you cherished so fondly fasten tightly to your cerebral cortex, and you carry them everywhere. They influence your decisions, unconsciously of course. And when they are called out, do you deny them with ridiculing absurdity?

I did.

_"What do you want to be when you grow up, Hazumi-chan?"_

Simple and innocent question, really.

_"I wanna be a super-shinigami!"_

A super-shinigami. Like a superhero almost. Like most children, it was naïve. Naivety is common among children, always will be. But when one gets older, those dreams stay with them. A piece of that naivety does, as well. And that could be dangerous.

_Super-shinigami…_ It affected my decisions, all right. Big time.

Maybe that naivety, that little vision that I had- sitting in a castle in the air, super-shinigami Hazumi Nagasaki- was what got me where I was today.

Maybe that pipe dream of defeating all evil and saving all the good was what got me burned alive.

* * *

"How is she, Barry?"

Big apricot eyes swung towards the still artisan, a small frown coating her heart-shaped lips. Shoulders slumping slightly as she noted the woman had not moved since her earlier departure to town to gather supplies for their life in the warehouse.

Barry had been standing at that window for quite some time, silent. Hadn't said a word since the Nest, actually. Mon didn't expect her to speak, though it was worth a try.

It was a cloudy day, so all Barry had to see was the rain pounding down on the city. Shadowed it was, she had said. Glancing in her direction one more time, Mon now saw the shadows. Barry always was right, one way or another.

"She won't be out much longer."

Mon watched the artisan absentmindedly fish out a cigarette, flick out her lighter and lift it in a fluid motion to light the cancer stick… and stop, not having the heart.

Sighing, the woman crumbled the small roll of tobacco in her pale hand, tossing the lighter on the table beside her in a lazy flash movement.

Mon heaved a heavy breath, turning and making her way to the bar to drop the paper bag of groceries, moving to put them away in the cupboards above. _Things won't be all warm and fuzzy for awhile, it seems._ Reaching to the worn cabinets, she froze, cursing herself as she just remembered something. "I forgot the damn watermelon."

Not even a derogatory snort.

"Forget it." Just a quiet comment.

But Mon was already striding out, grabbing her coat. "Fuck you, I like my watermelon." And she was out.

Really she just needed to get out of there. Seeing Barry like that, unperturbed by her surroundings. Off in her own thoughts, depressed. So quiet. The atmosphere, so heavy with woe. It was overwhelming.

…She even wasted a cigarette.

Barry never wasted her cigarettes.

* * *

I once knew a guy who got severely burned. He had been in one of Hosyu's old units, and at the time I had been stationed in the Yobantai; Fukutaicho: the official head of the emergency sector. I was the one to treat his gruesome injuries.

And let me tell you something: he was _fucked up_.

His epidermis? Totally baked. He was charred to the bone. Couldn't even move, the poor soul. His shinigami career? Finished. He was done. That wasn't all, though. Poor guy was mentally fucked as well. Always muttering about the flames and how the KGB located him through a satellite radio in the human world and planned to dissect his brain with chopsticks. I had no fucking clue what the guy was talkin' about at the time, but later on as I learned more about the living world, I understood that the KGB was some Russian association. Then instead of thinking more about his wounds and treatment, I wondered how the hell the KGB even entered the bloke's twisted mind.

But anyways, the point of that long stupid rant about a-guy-who-got-burned was an attempt to quell my anxiety and fear concerning my own burns. I had been awake for awhile, just staring at the ceiling with a plain expression, stiff as a board on some small cot of Barry's.

Thinkin', _what the fuck have I gotten myself into? I don't want to move. I wonder what I look like._

Etcetera etcetera.

I remembered that the crazy-KGB obsessed-guy had to go through some physical therapy, mental too of course, but the physical stood out the most for me. Poor bastard had to take medications every single day for the pain and for the restoration of his muscle and tissue. I had some kid distribute medications back in the day, but I still remember that guy.

A shame that he died just a year later.

Maybe it was from his newly formed schizophrenia, which I had later learned was a reoccurrence in the family's medical history, or maybe it was because his pain.

I was really pulling for the schizo shit.

"Finally awake." Hearing this slightly indifferent comment, my eyes shifted a little, meeting olives.

Standing over me with her arms crossed over her chest, leaning on her leg casually with her long navy hair pulled back and her face a mix between bored and somewhat concerned was the one and only Barry the bombs artist.

Oh how I could rely on that woman.

Moistening my lips, noticing they were chapped and cracked, I tried to quirk my lips and say hello.

I only managed a small grimace.

She snorted with ill concealed mockery before crouching beside me, holding out a roll of bandages and gauze. "Yeah, you're kinda fucked up. Don't worry though, your man Hachi took care of pretty much all of the damage."

But the look in her eyes countered her words sharply.

Her gaze was on the white gauze as she spoke, not really paying attention to her words or her hands, which were mindlessly unrolling the soft material. "I guess you wanna be filled in, huh… I'm not real sure where to start. I guess with when we got there. You were obviously on fire at that point. Sorry, btdubs—"

"Did you really just say btdubs, Barry…?"

"Fuck you, I'm talking. You sound like a frog anyways. So yeah, you were on fire. Nothing we could really do at that point except put it out. But fuck, it was hard."

Blinking, I watched the artisan as she spoke. Her eyes got real heavy when she mentioned fire, and she started rerolling the gauze like she was just looking for something to keep busy.

That was kinda weird.

"Stop droppin' the F Bomb, will you? I'm still wakin' up over here."

"Fuck. Sorry. Oh shit. Screw it."

A small laugh bubbled in my throat, threatening to spill from my lips, but I refrained from fear of pain I knew I would feel. Urging her on with my eyes, she sighed, leaning back on the balls of her feet.

Grimacing, "It got real ugly real fast. Hosyu man… he flipped his shit. Went straight for the guy's throat. Mon and I put out the fire- you know there was some type of oil on you? - But yeah. Uhh. Hmm."

Why was she hesitating?

"Chrissake Barry, just spit it out."

And the look she gave me.

Damn. Made a cavity of apprehension form in my gut, and suddenly I felt real anxious. Like she didn't want to tell me something, something that happened that was real bad and shitty. "Barry…?"

My voice was suddenly ten times quieter, with less of a croak.

My long-time friend heaved a sigh, rubbing her forehead with a small hand, scrunching her eyes. "It's your brother, Hazumi."

And swear to God, all the blood drained from my face.

Suddenly breathless, "What-what happened?"

She was rubbing her face with her palms now, silent. Oh no.

No no no.

Her posture said it all. No.

Not Hosyu.

My panic audible now, my face crumpling in a split second, "Not Hosyu. Barry tell me not Hosyu."

Her eyes shot open, and she quickly held up her hands to shush me. "Oh no. He's not dead."

Relief. Pure relief flooded my system, and I closed my eyes with a big exhalation. "Then what is it that you have to tell me about brother dearest?"

"…"

"Just say it."

"He's in worse shape than you are, Nagasaki."

My face pinched at her harsh words, not so much her tone, but the words.

_Worse shape than I. _

Well woopdy-fucking-do.

Blowing up my cheeks and exhaling slowly, "No shit?"

I heard the _clink_ of her lighter flicking open. The little sparks of it starting, and the smell of smoke following.

_Smoke. Fire._

_ It burns._

"No shit."

_Flesh incinerating, the smell._

_ Oh God the smell of burning flesh._

"Hazumi."

_Flames engulfing me, blanketing me with too much warmth. _

_Suffocating me. _

_Searing agony. _

"Hey Fuck Face."

Cracking a lid at the cold bitch, I only stared at her. I noted her cigarette had been stubbed out, and she was giving me a real hard stare.

"What?"

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"I got more bad news."

"Woopdy-fucking-do."

"It's about your precious substitute shinigami."

"Oh…"

"Yeah. Woopdy-fucking-do alright."

* * *

I barely recognized the woman staring back at me in the foggy bathroom mirror.

She was clutching a white towel tightly to her chest just as I was, but she didn't look like me. The whole left side of her face, marred.

Marred with burns.

The skin on her forearms, red and burnt and raw.

I could tell Hachi had attempted to heal the sores blemishing her tanned skin, but to no avail. They were insistent on fouling up her appearance. It wasn't totally disgusting, wouldn't make you shy away in repulsion at first glance, but they were certainly something you wouldn't stare at for quite awhile. Repelling would be the word.

I was repelling.

My throat suddenly felt thick, so I leaned over the pearly marble sink, gripping the ledges with my scalded hands. It suddenly felt hard to breathe. Like the air had condensed and I had to heave in oxygen in slow gulps. My gaze was on my hands, staring at the pink skin. The blisters had been healed, but it still was painful. My whole frame was wracking from pain. The skin on my forearms was ravaged, raw.

Just not a pretty sight to see.

And seeing these burns, knowing they would scar and haunt me forever, made these big fat tears well up in my eyes, and next thing I know I'm coughing sobs over the sink. Stupid, right? I mean, I had never been vain about my looks. I really didn't care. Just did my job and stayed in shape. But knowing that I wouldn't look the same, knowing that I had these freakish _disfigurements_ for the rest of my being, well, it sucked.

Who would want to look at me?

Raising my head to look into the mirror, I saw a scared woman staring back at me, her big black orbs shining with a layer of salty tears threatening to continue to spill over.

"You shouldn't be up."

I sniffed, stiffening as I heard a voice from the doorway, shoulders hunched. I coughed, inhaling a slow breath to try to cover the fact that I had been crying. The steam from my shower was still lingering in the air, so it felt thick in the small bathroom, and now Barry was standing in the doorway.

I saw her reflection in the mirror, how she was leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and that face as blank as ever. Her olive eyes held sympathy, gentle and for once, not holding that layer of apathy. "It was worse before."

I nodded vigorously, adjusting the towel to fit my frame, blinking the tears out of my eyes. But I didn't turn to face her.

I couldn't.

"Yeah. No, I'm okay. Just the shower, kinda…"

The unspoken words hung thickly in the air, holding a weight over the two of us.

_Burned._

It burned. I heard her sigh before smooth footsteps made their way over to me, and I felt the artisan lift my thick hair off my back, still silent. I could feel her eyes glued to the burns. My burns. My scars.

"You really shouldn't be moving. I don't know how you are, actually. It should be impossible."

She was twirling my hair now, wringing out the excess water.

I just exhaled shakily, "Kuria-Dei helped out a bit."

The water stung my back.

"How so?"

It felt like a thousand little needles were pricking me. "Healing agents. Anesthetics."

She was braiding now. I was still leaning over the sink, back to staring at the shiny marble. For living in a dumpy warehouse, the bathroom was awfully nice. Mon probably kept up with it.

"Sounds nice. Too bad it's gonna get you killed one day."

What she said, no matter how harsh it sounded coming in such a nonchalant tone, was probably true. I always knew it, but didn't say anything. Never really thought about it either. I mean, that was some power, being able to numb someone physically and mentally. Even through a whole fight, or even the aftershocks. I didn't have to feel it, so I never knew the extent to my injuries sometimes.

I could be killing myself with the damage and be blissfully unaware.

"You take the walking wounded to a whole new level."

"I'm not the walking wounded, Barry."

I felt her hesitate in her braiding for a moment before picking back up, _hmming _silently.

It was quiet for a few more moments. By now all the mist had drained from the room, so it was easier to breathe. My skin felt dry.

And then Barry coughed a silent laugh, "You probably never heal properly, huh."

Inhaling through my nose, I shook my head slowly. She finished the braid and tied it off with a small band, backing up. "So I'm guessing you being up right now has nothing to do with some act of being macho and proving that you're not weak."

"You guess correct."

"What's the plan?"

"I could go for some ice cream."

"Then?"

And looking down in the sink, seeing the shiny marble with tiny little sparkles of some kind of diamond, I was reminded once again of that fountain outside my barracks back in Seireitei. The one that was ugly and grey, with the emeralds peeking out beneath.

_Scintilla of hope._

I cracked a small smile, lifting my head to see her gazing at me through the mirror, and my smile widened a bit.

"Hueco Mundo looks pretty good this time of year."

A dry bark of laughter was my response, followed by an incredulous grin.

"Fuckin' incredible, Nagasaki."

* * *

My footsteps were slow on the cool pavement, splashing murky puddles with every few steps. I held a simple black umbrella over my head as I walked, breathing in the crisp air that rain brought every time it fell. It was grey outside, with dark clouds rolling in, hovering over the city.

Stopping to gaze up at my destination, the Vizard warehouse. The barrier was around it full swing, so I just stood there lookin' at it. Hachi was really something to erect such a high class barrier. I respected him a bit more, if that were possible.

A figure stood just on the inside, leaning against the wall of the bulky warehouse, pushing off as soon as they caught sight of me.

I noted it was Shinji, and he stopped just across from me, the yellow barrier separating us two.

We made eye contact, but we didn't say anything.

He was looking at my face.

He was looking at my burns. I could tell by the sudden tip of his lips, the tiny weight in his eyes.

The rain was still falling on my umbrella, some of it on me.

I broke the silence with a muted murmur, "Let me in, why don't you."

* * *

I had seen my brother injured before. He was in a pretty high position in the Onmitsukido, what with being in charge of the Maggot's Nest and all, so he was bound to get some scrapes and bruises. I had seen him impaled by swords, slashed; hell I had even kicked his ass in a fight.

But no matter how many times I had seen him hurt, I could never prepare for the sight. So as I sat cross-legged beside his still form, I heaved a heavy sigh and looked at him with soft inky orbs.

Barry had been right when she said he was in worse shape than I.

Me, I had Kuria-Dei to look for aid. Hosyu didn't have that kind of luxury.

"Tough man, your brother." Rose stood beside my seated form, offering condolences. I could feel that he was hesitant to pat my shoulder in some friendly gesture because of my burns, and that I was thankful. My eyes stayed on Hosyu's unconscious form, "Yeah. Thanks Rose."

Hosyu was all wrapped up. I could see his bandaged arms from beneath the sheet he was under, and his cheek sported a nasty gash running vertically right beside his right eye. Hachi had formed a small barrier around my older sibling for the healing process, and I placed my hand on it gently, feeling the slow movement of reiatsu. Wanting so bad to help, too.

"You're an idiot if you would."

Shinji was sitting opposite of me, on the other side of Hosyu, giving me a deadpan look.

My lips slanted slightly, "As much as I want to, just to spite you too, I'm not."

The yellow haired man's lips quirked, and then sighed loudly, stretching his arms. "You know…"

I met Shinji's gaze, him continuing. "You really think you should be goin to help?"

I eased my hand from the barrier, seeing the blonde's gaze follow it, eyeing the bandages I had wrapped prior to my arrival. Barry had helped me wrap my torso, which hadn't faired too well in the flames as well. Since my shinigami attire had caused me much discomfort when it came to my burns, I was wearing a traditional purple Chinese Ruqun **(1)**. The skirt was cut shorter than usual for movement purposes, but overall it was loose fitting and easy to move in. Sometimes I wore it in Seireitei, seeing as most members of the Kidoshu didn't where the black rob and sash.

My thick fair hair was plaited, starting with a small bun on the top of my head, and it fell to the middle of my back. Would have been annoying any other kind of way.

**_Shinji doesn't know what you did, Hazumi. I don't think anybody does. _**

Clearing my throat, "Ah, yeah. It won't be much of a problem."

He snorted, "What, do you have some secret power source you're waitin' to whip out once you get there? You couldn't even defeat some lower level…" Trailing off as he saw the look on my face, his brows pulled, and he placed his hand on his knee, leaning forward.

Giving me a steady stare, "What are you thinking, Nagasaki?"

I rolled my eyes, "It's not that great. It's just… I passed on my insignia to Ichigo before I went off to the Nest."

"I'm not seein' how this relates—"

"I do."

Blinking, Shinji's gaze left my face and landed on a bulky figure, who plopped down beside me, creating a small cloud of dust. I turned a bit, smiling slightly at Hachi, who nodded at me in return. "Hello Hachi."

"Hazumi."

Clearing his throat ridiculously out of proportion, Shinji gave us a pointed look that clearly read 'I want to know what the hell's going on.'

I scoffed, gingerly crossing my arms and rolling my eyes at the man. "So rude."

He ignored me, "What's this about, Hachi?"

Placing his hand in front of his mouth, Hachi cleared his throat calmly, giving Shinji his attention. "It's simple, Shinji-san. Hazumi-san places a proportion of her power in the insignia for cases of emergency."

The big-toothed blonde blinked a few times before shooting me a belittling look. "Yer an' idiot."

I just rolled my eyes, "Fuck you. I'm cautious."

"Tch… seems you were unprepared this time."

My gaze flew to my hands, which were cupped in my lap.

Shinji kept talking. "You should have just kept all your reiatsu together. Coulda saved Hosyu the trouble."

Here Hachi cut in, "Shinji-!"

But the bloke just continued, "What were you thinkin', goin' in like that? What were you reduced to, fifty, sixty percent?"

When he finished his little rant, I lifted my gaze, unperturbed by his stare.

Giving him a hard look before looking to the side, effectively averting my gaze, "Tch. I don't care what you say. It was Hosyu's fucking decision to go, not mine. Don't force the blame on me. I gave Ichigo that insignia with my power in hopes that it would help him, and now that I know he went to fucking Hueco Mundo, I'm damned glad I left it," turning my head to gaze at him with hard coals, "and I'd do it all over again to know that I could help him in some way."

It was quiet after my little speech, and I looked back down at my brother, frowning deeply.

"I know what happened, and I know what Hosyu went through. Barry told me. She said he went straight for the guy's throat. Said I stabbed him with my zanpakutou and I was out, and Hosyu took over. That he went up against the Arrancar's Resurrección, bombed the Nest while still in it. Barely got out alive. I _know_ what fucking happened Shinji, so don't give me any shit. I'll busta cap in your ass. And I'm not kidding."

"Tch…"

After that a heavy silence fell between the three of us, and I just closed my eyes, sighing.

So what if I was a little emotional. I think I had the right.

Though it was probably pretty weird around me, thinkin' the next second I could explode. I bet it was a bit annoying…

Great, now I felt like an ass.

Pinching the bridge of my nose tightly, "Look, I'm sorry. I may be a wee bit tense and I'm feelin' a little—"

"Don't apologize. S'okay. I get where yer comin' from."

And when I opened my eyes I saw his brown orbs staring back at me through his thick lashes, lookin' at me like he hadn't in a long time. Like he saw me as an equal, someone back in the day. Not that he hadn't thought of me as an equal before, but something in that moment brought me back to the old days, where he wasn't a Vizard quite yet. When things were seemingly simpler.

My gaze fell back to Hosyu, and I just stared at him. "I should have anticipated his intervention. You're right. Stupid older brother complex."

Silence from my two counterparts.

"But I'm not gonna sit here blaming myself for shit that's already happened. Can't do anything about that. You never win the shoulda/coulda game anyways…"

Quirking my lips and clapping my hands together, "So! Now that all this is somewhat straightened out, and I know Hosyu here's in good hands, I think I'll be taking my leave. Ichigo may have my insignia, but I could always just retract my power from it and help him in the flesh. I've heard that's better, anyhow."

But instead of getting up and taking off, I just sat there looking at my sleeping brother who looked next to dead. I really didn't want to leave him like this, but I knew he was safe. Hachi would take care of it. Ichigo was the one who needed help.

So why did this feel like sibling betrayal and a somewhat harsh goodbye…?

Hachi's soothing voice found its way to my ears, "Why don't you just stay here for a few more moments. I'm sure Hosyu would appreciate that."

Not skipping a beat, "Yeah. Yeah that sounds good."

* * *

It was still raining, but I approached the shop at a slow pace, my head down. It was dark now; the whole sky overtaken by the dark thunderous clouds, and me and my black umbrella fit right in with our shadowy colors.

And then I was there.

A shadowed figure stood on the front porch of the shop, just standing there waiting.

Knowing I had been coming.

I stopped at the steps, lifting my head slowly to meet cobalt eyes staring back at me, not budging as a flash of lightening lit up my face.

Revealing those ugly burns.

My grip tightening on the small black umbrella.

Silence broken, "Good to see you, Hazumi-san."

Nodding slightly, "Urahara."

* * *

**(1)** A Ruqun is just a piece of clothing, obviously from context. Google it if you're curious. It's easy.

So, there you go! Hopefully it was to your expectations. And hopefully some things were cleared up. Obviously I'm straying a little from the previews I had written awhile ago, but they were previews for a reason. Not the actual thing. They were to mostly give me ideas. Some place to go. And I'm pretty sure I know where I'm going. Don't really know where I'm ending yet. But yeah, that's all I think I have to say. Ask me any questions if you're confused!

Reviews = faster updates. Just saying :X


	24. The Classics: Shock, Nostalgia, Shock

**A/N: **Ahh. This chapter, Oh Em Gee guys. Oh my God. Why am I saying oh my God? Well, I suppose you lot HAVE TO READ IT OMG. Haha, seriously though? I'm back. One month left in this dreadful thing we call school. One fucking month. I would scream if you lot could hear me, just to emphasize how happy I am to say this. However, schooling is getting exceedingly difficult, so expect an update not as soon, but still near. That said, thank you my reviewers you are awesome and I'd marry every single one of you if I could. Unfortunately, I believe that is illegal in most areas at this time in age.

**Annnnnd:** Holy shit we're at 70 reviews. I love you more than I just said I did.

So, read on!

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach_ © _Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veintitrés:**_

_"The Classics: Shock, Remembrance and New Suspicions, and More Eye-Openers"_

_

* * *

_Will you bring light to my dimming world?

**-Anonymous**

**

* * *

**

The room was white, a reoccurring theme in the desolate landscaping of Las Noches.

The spacious area had suddenly lit up by a set of torches, causing the group of spiritually aware to tense in acuity. First to comment on their surroundings, Ishida Uryū glanced around with narrowed blue eyes, "A crossroads…"

The five of them had reached a crossroads, indeed.

Renji's lips twisted in annoyance. "What a pain in the ass spot to end up in…"

The rest just stayed silent, each gazing down one of the long paths ahead. All had the same thing in mind. This was going to suck; it was going to be difficult. But each came prepared for the daunting journey ahead.

"There are five paths…" Chado's deep voice carried throughout the hollow room, making Uryū to raise his head, looking off, "Are we going to have to try them one by one starting from the end…!?"

Ichigo glanced back at the Quincy's exclamation, frowning. To him, this seemed like a not so bad idea.

Splitting up would be the-

"…No." Her voice rang out with set determination, causing the three human's to look up in alarm.

The petite shinigami continued, "We'll each take one path at the same time."

Ichigo went rigid, while Chado frowned deeply, and Uryū voiced his thoughts, a bead of sweat racing down his face. "… That's…"

"What're you saying?! Our opponents are the Espada! It's obviously better for us to all go together!" The ginger was breathing heavily by the time he finished, a hard pull to his brows indicating he was well beyond pissed.

To him, that sounded like a helluva shit decision.

…Now he sounded like Hazumi.

_Hazumi…_ Unconsciously he gripped the small insignia tightly, frown deepening as his thoughts strayed to the current Fuku Kidocho. How _she_ had gone off alone. How she had had no assistance. How at this very moment he didn't know if she was dead or alive.

"…Knock it off." Renji's deep voice cut through the tense atmosphere, and he stepped in front of Rukia, holding out a fisted hand. "Showing concern for a warrior's life on the battlefield… is an insult to that warrior."

Tawny eyes widening slightly, Ichigo lifted his chin slightly, showing his shock.

Rukia took the chance to voice her thoughts. "…All go together…?"

Opening violet eyes slowly, locking bronze. "It sounds like you're saying that because you're worried about me… but that's not like you, Ichigo." And then a thought struck her, and it made sense. His passion and rigid outlook made perfect sense in the situation at hand. Deciding to hit him in that weak spot, her voice was suddenly an octave lower, "This sounds similar to what you may have said to Hazumi, if you got the chance."

And seeing his expression go from surprised to even more jarred, she knew he didn't get the chance to speak to her before she took off. Rukia averted her gaze, sighing. "I knew she was there on Corps business. What with how she always took off when a hollow was near wasn't unusual, but her rashness and sense of expeditiousness was off. When we returned to Soul Society," here Renji crossed his arms, scowling, and Rukia cleared her throat, "we were debriefed on her status. It seems she completed her mission and eradicated the portal between Hueco Mundo and the human world."

She pointedly left out the part where the girl's whereabouts were unknown when she saw the ginger's shoulders slump in relief. Renji side-glanced at the short woman, lips sealed. No way was he going to spill the deets about Nagasaki's unknown status.

Luckily, he wasn't the one to make an idiot out of himself this time.

"…Why were you debriefed on her status… when she herself returned to Soul Society to conduct a briefing to her superiors…?"

Uryū was the one to read between their chosen words, eyes narrowed on the two shinigami with suspicion. It didn't make sense.

Blinking, Ichigo kept his mouth closed.

A few beats of silence later, "HEY!"

He pointed an accusing finger at the two officers, yelling now. "You're hiding something!"

"Ichigo, keep it down!"

"I'M NOT DOING SHI—"

But the boy's shouts were cut short as the disturbing sound of a sudden _ripping_ had all five friends going rigid, alarmed. Five pairs of eyes lifting to see a mammoth tear in the atmosphere before them. The air shifting dramatically, heavy with the approaching _thing_ in the Garuganta.

Ichigo's hand flew to his sword, but to no avail.

Because in the next second, the rip expanded severely, a flash of something escaping the dark opening.

Shooting straight by him, ruffling his spiky hair, landing with a small _thud_ just a couple feet away. Everyone still, rotating their heads slowly to meet the figure, who was gathering itself from the quick arrival, kneeling on the marble floor.

A muttered curse before straightening, she dusted herself off, stretching her bandaged forearms.

Tawny eyes widening.

Everything seemed so slow in those next moments. Especially when she turned, catching sight of her five companions.

Clouded obsidian meeting rattled russet.

She didn't say anything.

He did. "…Hazumi?"

* * *

"What the hell?! Cut the dramatics won't… you…"

Well then. That was quite something.

Running in that Garuganta was pretty nerve-wracking, and my landing wasn't all that smooth either. I cut my eyes away from Ichigo's, turning to that redheaded baboon with a scowl coating my features, "Shut the hell up, you buffoon. Jesus, a little moral support would be nice after that rocky trip!"

"What the hell happened to your face?!"

I flinched visibly upon hearing this crude exclamation.

Ouch; that stung.

Trying to push it away, and somewhat recovering, my voice wasn't as strong. "Tch, I've been asking that about yours for the past few decades or so…" My heart wasn't in that last insult.

I knew Renji didn't mean anything by it, I knew that. But it hurt dammit. I knew the left side of my face was marred with burns. Marred for anyone to see and comment and think what they wished. I just wished Renji had a little more tact. You think he would've acquired some, being the Fukutaicho of the Rokubantai and all…

"Hazumi?" Slowing cutting my eyes to violets, I saw Rukia staring at me with what looked like a good attempt at a blank expression. But the little scrunch of her eyes told me she, too, was battling the itching curiosity.

Pushing the fabric of my sleeves up, I glanced at all of them, deliberately skipping over Ichigo's gaze quickly. "Long story short: I got burned."

Yeah, that pretty much summed it up.

And it looked like Rukia and Chado were satisfied with my response; I shot them both a discreet thankful look.

But Renji wasn't. "That's not really an explanation—"

_Thwack!_

"ARGH!"

Uryū pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes in exasperation. "Idiot…"

Hands on the top of his pineapple head, Renji winced, barking at the Quincy, "What the hell, four eyes?!"

"Indiscretion is ill-advised when it comes to women, Abarai-kun."

"What the hell does that even mean?!"

"It means you're a fuckin' idiot, Renji."

Muttering incoherent oaths under his breath, Renji crossed his arms defensively, a dark scowl painting his irritated face. Sighing, I shook my head at the naïve man, chuckling softly to myself.

…Some things would never change.

"Hazumi… why are you here?"

When I opened my eyes, I locked gazes with Ichigo, who was looking at me seriously. No humor in his eyes.

Lips slanting, I stepped forward to be part of the group, shrugging my shoulders, "What did you expect to me do, twiddle my thumbs while you lot risked your necks to save Inoue?"

Upon this, the stupid ginger had the audacity to open his mouth to argue with me. "Well… yeah."

"Well that makes you a moron."

"You're the one who can't even land straight! You looked intoxicated for God's sakes!"

"Well maybe I am!"

"What?!"

"YEAH!"

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!"

"You don't even make sense!"

He opened his mouth again, eyes flaming, just feeding off of this verbal friction, but Rukia slapped a hand over both our traps, effectively cutting us off. "Enough of your childish bickering! We're in the heart of enemy territory and all you two can do is altercate! Goodness…!"

I snorted; I couldn't help it.

It was funny. Our situation was funny.

Ichigo just rolled his eyes at me, lips quirking as Rukia retracted her hands from our faces.

Sighing, I blinked a few times, looking to the petite shinigami, who had this irked expression plastered on. Clearing my throat with a small laugh, shooting the also recovering ginger an amused glance, I questioned Rukia. "So what's the plan…?"

She just shook her head with a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose with impatience. "We're each taking a different path."

At this, I rotated my gaze around the room, seeing in fact five separate pathways to follow.

"Well that complicates things immensely."

"That's what I'm saying." Glancing at the ginger, I saw him crossing his arms, a frown on his face.

Looking back to Rukia, "But it's the best plan since we're pressed for time."

Silent compliance. Ichigo didn't object.

But I felt his gaze on me. On my burns.

I couldn't help but swallow thickly, struggling to keep my eyes off his.

The silence drawled on in our group, and then Ichigo sighed, shaking his head. "Understood. We'll each take a different path."

Everyone more or less nodded at this, Uryū straightening his glasses again, Chado and I exchanging a mutual look.

"Alright! Now let's do a little chant before we go!"

My only response was a derisive snort thrown at Renji, which he swatted away with a crippling glare. But Ichigo was slightly confused, giving the red-headed buffoon a questioning look. "A chant?"

Renji reached his arm forward, looking down while he spoke. "Yeah. You do it before a decisive battle. It's almost like a tradition in the Gotei 13. Lately it's gone out of style and almost no one does it—"

"I wonder why…"

"But I thought it's something that would be done at a time like this."

He completely ignored my statement, but I saw from the annoyed look in his eye that he heard me. I crossed my arms with a wide grin, watching Ichigo deadpan him, Chado looking somewhat at a loss for what to say. I could practically see the irk mark on the baboon's forehead as he defended himself, vexed. "Don't give me that look! I think it's lame too!"

"Uh huh…" But Rukia had put her hand in too.

And something hit me. Seeing those two in before any other brought on a sudden breeze of wistfulness. This chant with them, I had done it before. The first time we had met, actually. My second in command, Matsuyo, had brought it up.

Shortly after, she had died in battle.

The first death of a comrade Rukia and Renji had witnessed.

In honor of this memory alone I placed my hand on Rukia's, my mouth curving almost unnoticeably as she sent me a small smile. It had nothing to do with our situation at hand— how I very much enjoyed the five of these people and that we all may not come out alive. That was too corny to admit, so I convinced myself it was something of the past— that was it.

And I felt a warm hand on mine, followed by two more.

"Always for familiarities, huh Renji."

The redhead shot me a victorious smirk before looking back down at our hands, starting the chant. "We! At this moment head into the decisive battle! Have faith that our blades will not shatter!"

As he continued, I gazed at the faces of my comrades. My friends.

I did this every time. To see the faces of the people I was grouped with for the same cause, knowing I may not see them again.

But this… this was justified.

Our rebellion against Soul Society's wishes was definitely justified.

"We all share a heart of iron!"

I could identify with all the people present here. We were here for the same cause. We were a group, connected. And I would keep that connection forever.

Renji's last words rang in my ears, repeating themselves.

_Like a promise._

I felt a hand enclose around mine.

"We will live and return to this place again!"

One last glance before dispersing. For me, I was pulled in a direction, not given a chance to decide which to take.

His big, warm hand enveloping my smaller one.

His grip iron tight, yet not uncomfortable.

Familiar.

* * *

It was still raining.

"What are you preparing for?"

She worked diligently for hours at a time, her hands moving quickly with utmost professional care. One wrong move and her warehouse could go up in flames. Her plans could go up in smoke. Mon watched from the side, just finishing a fresh coat of paint in the nice bathroom in which she put so much care.

"Aizen won't stay idle for long."

Surprised, the short girl blinked, placing her paint roller on the bar, not caring for the splash of pink on the wooden surface. The worn thing needed replacing anyway.

Upon smelling the strong fumes of paint, Barry lifted her head to see an atrocious sight.

"Please tell me you did not paint something that _heinous _color."

Offended, Mon grabbed a glass of scotch, pouring the alcohol slowly. "I did."

"What kind of color is that?!"

"Awesome."

Barry deadpanned, staring at the blotch of paint on her precious bar, not budging. Mon glanced up with a devious smile, snorting at the artisan's dry humor. Barry was awfully good with her facial expressions.

She laughed, "No seriously. The color is called 'Awesome.'"

Leaning back in her chair, Barry crossed her arms, "No shit?"

"I shit you not."

"Huh. What a weird name for a color…"

"That's what I said. But really, what are you doing over there, creating more explosives no doubt. Why?"

At this, Barry sighed, yawning and stretching her tired limbs. "Well, like I said, Aizen's not gonna just sit in Hueco Mundo his whole existence. I'm not gonna be unprepared."

"You sound as if we are going to fight alongside Soul Society in this upcoming battle."

Mon's last comment was met with silence, so she looked over to the bomb's artist, who had closed her eyes and lifted her head to the ceiling.

Huh. "Barry?"

"I am."

"…What?"

Olives rolled open, and she only glanced at the small girl before taking her ash tray and dumping it in the garbage. Then she proceeded to flick open her lighter and cough up a cigarette. Exhaling through her nose, she slowly closed her eyes.

Mon, however, was not this calm. "What the heck are you talking about Barry?!"

"I've been thinkin' a lot lately, Mon. Ever since we first sensed Hazumi's arrival all those weeks ago."

"About what?"

Exhale. "Just the past."

Frowning, Mon's gaze flew to the windows. It wasn't like Barry to reminisce.

"What do you miss most about Seireitei, _Egao_?" **(1)**

Stiffening at the name, Mon's movements ceased.

_Egao…_

Trying to lighten up, "The sake most definitely," after a moment, "And you, Barry?"

"The blue skies." Not a sound after that. Mon didn't know what do say.

What could she say?

"… Why think about them now, after so many years? You were to be put to death at their hands. I don't understand this sudden longing you have."

"It's not sudden. I've missed the Soul Society for awhile. But think about it," holding up a hand as Mon went to interrupt, "seriously think about it. Wouldn't it have been fucked up if I hadn't been sentenced…? I killed around thirty innocent people. I don't regret my decisions, I just think about them."

Silence.

"I think about the circumstances that night. How… how did I get caught?"

"The alarm went off. And you know, the sudden _BOOM_ that rocked Seireitei. Nothing serious…"

Ignoring Mon's sarcasm, Barry prattled on. "Who set off the alarm?"

"A shinigami. Look, I don't see where you're going with this."

"Who could set off the alarm that quickly?"

Mon tapped a finger on her chin, "How fast did it go off?"

"…"

"Barry?"

"… Before I timed the explosions."

"You know this for a fact?"

"I know everything about that night, Mon."

And the sound of that, her voice, her tone, her posture; everything about Barry at that second spoke the truth. Barry had never forgotten the screams and flames. The sick satisfaction she felt as she watched the fire engulf the large building. The broken fragments of sorrow as her thoughts had strayed to the innocents. That's where she and Hazumi differed. Hazumi repressed emotions such as those, keeping them to bite her in the ass later. Barry embraced them when the time came. That's what made her her.

"So what are you getting at?"

"You know Kaname Tōsen was in the ward that night?"

"What the fuck?!"

"Yeah. It occurred to me a few days ago. He was visiting the prisoners. Trying to shed that light of his on them, or something. I don't know what the hell he was doing there. But it's suspicious."

"Connection maybe?"

"Definitely."

"So…"

Stubbing her cigarette out, Barry rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, groaning out loud. "I don't know. I just think I was set up… not in the sense that I was provoked to blow the place up, that was all me. I'm not trying to shoulder the blame on someone else. It's just…"

Watching Barry think was always interesting to Mon. That's why she had befriended her in the first place. Barry was an interesting character. The smartest she knew.

"In the light of things, I'm concluding Aizen wanted me out of Seireitei."

"Egotistical of you."

"So because of this new conclusion, I'll go against him any day. I'll side with Seireitei if it means bringing that scum down."

Mon kept her eyes on Barry, frowning.

There was something in which the bombs artist wasn't saying. "What else?"

Barry turned back to her new creation, starting to mess with the colorful wires again.

Narrowing her eyes in thought, "My exile was the catalyst to Aizen's manipulation of Hazumi's life."

"The hell did you come up with that shit idea?!"

"I've got time to think."

"Well, you obviously are stupid."

"Remember Hazumi and I were friends. When I was out of the picture, who did she go to to talk?"

Scrunching her eyes in thought and exasperation, she sighed, throwing up her arms in a 'who gives a shit' kind of way. Mon didn't want to talk about this any further. It was slowly piecing together, no matter how much she disliked the idea. "Her brother, Hosyu…"

Spinning around in her chair, the artisan whirled on the smaller girl, "Wrong. She went to Reizo. She put all her confidence, all her weaknesses and strengths in his head. He then relayed this to Aizen. He was a puppet all along, am I wrong? Aizen knew everything about Hazumi from then on."

"That doesn't explain anything…"

Really Mon knew it made perfect sense. She just didn't want to believe it. If Aizen could plan this far ahead, if he was really this cunning and intelligent…

"… And when he knew as much as he needed, he had Reizo disposed of, just like the tool he was."

"Wait, wait, wait a damn minute! You're telling me that Aizen, the guy I worked under who didn't even seem that intelligent, plotted all this from the very beginning."

Barry nodded, going for another smoke.

Hearing all this, Mon thought that even she would need one.

This conversation was too intense. But too intriguing as well.

_Damn Barry. She knew this would interest me._

"There's still a few things I'm confused about."

Ignoring the look on Barry's face, Mon continued, voice rising with each pitch, "One, Why Hazumi? Two, why'd he have Reizo try to kill her? Three, we don't even know that the bloke's dead. Reizo could just be chillin' out somewhere. And… and… UHG!"

"Frustrated…?"

"I need a fucking drink," shooting a finger at the artisan to cut her off, "and don't say anything! I don't want to hear anymore conspiracy theories!"

She stomped behind the bar, grabbing an aged wine bottle, not even bothering with a glass.

Just chugged it straight from the bottle.

Barry sighed from where she sat, closing her eyes to think. She had come up with these theories over time, based off one another. They made sense. But she had no concrete proof. Only basing it off of Aizen's intellect and brutal nature.

That itself was enough for her.

"You're really going to fight with Soul Society, even after everything?"

"Even after everything, I have not faded in my purpose, Mon."

This made the smaller woman hesitate, placing the wine on the bar, swallowing. "And what is this purpose you possess?"

Barry was back to her creations, not speaking a word. Her back turned on the small girl; she narrowed her olive eyes at her contraptions.

Her beauties.

"I have only heard this said once before. I have not yet to feel this sweetness. But I have heard: '_Dulce et decorum Est pro patria mori_.'" **(2)**

And for Mon, she had nothing more to say.

Ending it on that note, she reached for the red wine and her roller, which had long dried, and she started for the back of the warehouse. Walking away, "I'll be at your side on the front lines."

_And put an end to this whole fucking lot. _

_Soul Society, Barry may not bear a grudge, but I'll always loath you. _

_I'm doing this for her._

_ Seems we're all afflicted with your ails._

_

* * *

_

There were no stars in Hueco Mundo.

I voiced this sudden analysis to my orange-haired companion, who only gave me an eye roll in response. "Why would you say something so meaningless like that?"

I had noticed this when I was in the Garuganta, seeing flashes of the barren wasteland named Hueco Mundo during my run through the time-space. Shrugging as he picked up the pace, I found it exceedingly difficult to run and make gestures simultaneously.

"It's just…" _Pant pant._ "Many civilizations before your time used stars for their way of life. Like determining certain occurrences or even just looking to them as a guide from the divine powers above."

I heard him snort from his position in front of me, followed by his deep voice, dripping with sarcasm. "I never took you for the Deity-worshipping type."

Slowing, I huffed, weary from recent events that had me hunching over, wincing as I sucked in contrived breaths. I heard Ichigo's footsteps slow, echoing off the white walls of the narrow hallway we had taken to running through.

"Hazumi?" He called out to me, and upon hearing the concern in his voice, I waved my hand at him, still hunched.

"Don't… worry. I'm fine." However, my body was saying otherwise. I was painfully aware of my recently acquired burns, my torso being the spot that ached the most.

Straightening, I found the ginger closer to me, watching me with a weary eye.

"If you do not mind my asking… will you toss me my insignia?"

He blinked; reaching in his robes and producing my badge, tossing it over. I caught it with cupped hands, feeling the warmth of it being pressed against his skin still there. "What are you going to do with that?"

I only held up a finger to his inquiry, scrunching my eyes in concentration as I stared at the small but hefty piece. I could feel my power swarming restlessly, anxious to be freed of the restricting capsule, so I granted its wish. Grip tightening on the insignia, I let my reiatsu flow freely, soon seeing the dark blue substance become tangible, crawling with anticipation.

And let me tell you something: it felt damned good.

It felt so good to have my energy restored. I could feel the heaviness of my limbs slowly abating, the fresh burns mellowing to dull stings. I finally felt like me again. No more heavy as lead sorrow filling my senses, or at least not as much. Some hope returning to my persona, to my thoughts.

I felt like the Hazumi Nagasaki that had existed hundreds of years ago.

Fresh and new and lively. Some color returning to my face, my muscles feeling as light as ever. My outlook picking up so I felt as if this were possible. What we were doing here in Hueco Mundo had a purpose, and we all would fulfill that sole purpose.

"You…"

I lifted my coal black eyes, coming in contact with bronze. Melted bronze. His face had softened, and his eyes had been on me the whole time. Proffering a grin, I cracked my neck, knuckles, back, feeling alive.

"How much was…"

"Truth? About sixty percent was locked up tight in that nifty insignia. What, you thought I just gave you something to remember me by? Puh-lease. You should know by now I'm not one for sentiments."

He was quiet, still staring at me like I was crazy. His eyes on my face, not just my scars, but taking in every feature. "Because of that… you got those burns…"

I knew where this was heading.

I stepped forward, closer to the sub shinigami who was slowly falling into the routine of self-blame.

Guilt.

"Hey, listen here." My voice wasn't hard, wasn't totally misunderstanding. I could relate at times like these. But my tone held the firmness that was necessary in keeping his gaze locked on mine. "It was my choice. You hear me? You cannot control what I do. I'm my own person. You," I grabbed his chin as he started averting his gaze, trapping him, "You. Cannot. Blame. Yourself."

I spelled it out with precision, and he just stared, waiting for me to finish.

"I knew what I was getting into when I left this with you. I left it with you for a reason, you got me? I didn't necessarily know you were coming to Hueco Mundo; I didn't know Inoue was abducted. All I knew was that you had to face the Espada again, with or without me. So I left it for you. Don't insult me by shrugging it off like it's no big deal. It's a big deal to me, okay? I left it so…"

Here I stopped, dropping my hand down to my side, faltering. But I couldn't stop there. I needed to say it, or I never would. So I swallowed my pride and looked him square in those pretty tawny eyes, "I needed to know you would be okay. It matters to me, alright?"

I felt my cheeks redden, but I didn't stop talking.

If I did, I wouldn't have said it any other time.

"I knew you would be upset, but obviously you weren't too torn up about it. I just… needed a little security. I needed to know I could still help you while away. Living or—"

And next thing I know, the most outlandish thing that could happen, happened.

I mean, I admit, I had probably subconsciously always wanted this, and I knew Kuria-Dei would probably tell me so next chance she got, but I was outright taken aback. It was bizarre to even think he would do such a thing. But instead of just telling me to shut up and punching me or resorting to some crude insult/violence like the normal Ichigo Kurosaki he was, he did something so off the wall that I hadn't one thought in my mind as said action occurred.

Because I was stricken speechless.

Star struck was what best described my state as the one and only substitute shinigami's lips captured mine.

* * *

**(1) **Means: Smiling Face. Reflects upon her time in Soul Society, maybe? Please infer what you wish.

**(2)** Very famous quote meaning, 'It is sweet and fitting to die for one's country.'

**(3)** There wasn't a three up there, but Awesome is truly a color. It's some dark pink. I thought I should share that fact with you because I thought it was quite funny and outlandish. Who names a color awesome...?

Hmm. What have we here? Maybe an evil cliffhanger that I love adding so very much? I think so!

**Reviews= Soulfood. Word.**


	25. Let It Roll

**A/N: **Not much to say. Three weeks in counting, then probably more updates. I have no idea where this story will end. I honestly don't see it happening anytime soon. Adieu.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veinticuatro:**_

_"Let It Roll"  
_

_

* * *

_

A man does what he must- in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures- and that is the basis of all human morality

**-Winston Churchill**

_

* * *

_

I used to scoff at the idea of love.

I mocked the sentiments one would feel, and I loathed witnessing the tenderness between two lovers. I was bitter because I didn't know what it was. It is in human nature to fear and be wary of the unknown. It's basic. And at one point, even the strongest and most willful shinigami were once human.

It is only perceived by some that we carry human traits on with us to the afterlife. I could only guess that the strongest emotions an individual feels when becoming a shinigami are what they have carried with them through death.

For me? I had always thought in my former life I was the same. That I had been a bitter and angry woman, for the only thing I felt towards most people was asperity.

What a fool I once was.

* * *

Pearl Harbor? Been there.

Hiroshima? Lived it.

Nagasaki? Picked up the pieces.

I knew what it was like as an atomic bomb decimated everything around you. I knew the effects and I knew the sudden discombobulation. I knew what it felt like to feel as if the ground had disappeared beneath your feet and you were in the midst of shock and awe.

Right now, that was the state my mind was in.

An atomic bomb had exploded in my brain, leaving nothing but mush. I couldn't process anything except for the fact that, just moments ago, Ichigo Kurosaki had kissed me, was kissing me at this very moment.

My breath was stolen from my lungs, and a shock of _something_ rattled my spine, causing little shivers to race up my arms, leaving tiny goosebumps as the only evidence. It wasn't long before I realized I was responding, folding into his lean body, his muscular arms wrapping around me, offering no out. My hands were shaking as I wrapped them around his neck, and that's where it got more intense.

I admit, astounded I was. I never imagined this was how it would turn out. Ichigo and I, lip locking in the heart of Las Noches. I felt him draw me closer, almost to the point of desperation.

And then as if we both just realized we needed oxygen to survive, our faces parted, his ragged breathing filling my senses. I never noticed how his smell was so intoxicating. A mix between firewood and… just smoky.

I liked it. It suited the ginger, in my eyes.

When I spoke, it was only a breathless murmur, "Hormonal teenagers…"

I felt a deep rumble in his chest, and soon he was chuckling softly, his hand on the back of my head. I was kind of glad, because there was no way I could look him in the eye. Not after that. That was… intense. I almost lost control there. It was weird.

After five hundred years, you'd think I'd have some self-control. But no, when it came to Ichigo, nothing was certain. It was like the lines were blurred, everything grey. Not so black and white anymore.

"You always do that."

Swallowing, I slowly regained my breath, heart pounding as I heard his voice. It was thick, also breathless.

I muttered quietly, "What do I do?"

"Your eyes…" Hearing this, my sooty orbs flicked skywards, meeting melted bronze. And seeing his expression knocked the breath outa me all over again. His face was soft, gentle. His eyes were staring right through me, seeing everything. I'd never seen him look at me like that, at anybody like that. This was very, very new.

And I was so very, very inexperienced when it came to _caring_.

I mean, I was five hundred seventeen years old, come on. I wasn't an amateur when in came to physical activity, but I wasn't some hooker either. I just never really got into relationships because of my apathy towards so many things.

"Your eyes always change. They always say something."

And something in the moment, his words, this whole situation, had me snorting in ill-concealed laughter, and I rolled my sooty eyes at him. And I felt this big, radiant grin light up my face, and I looked him square in the eye, "Really? They show everything? I never you knew you were so fucking corny!"

Commence normality.

Ichigo sighing and shaking his head, while my laughter echoed off the walls of this stupid place.

But behind all of this, my newfound contentment and lightheartedness of the moment, something was nagging at me, pulling my attention. Back to the dark place of my mind. I didn't want to go there, but one thought struck my mind over and over, like a cord. Had the laughter slowly dying off my lips, my back straightening and heaving a breath. My gaze wandered back to Ichigo, who was looking down the hall with narrowed eyes, and at the time it didn't strike me as odd, because of that stupid nagging thought. 

_Ichigo… how can you look at me? How can you hold me, embrace me like you had. _

_These ugly burns… _

_How?_

Luckily before I could go and screw up the moment, some kind of wailing resounded off the walls of the narrow hallway, and I blinked, Ichigo stiffening, both of us turning to the shrill cry. There was a mutual moment of reluctance between the two of us as the moment completely ended, before the culprit entered our vision, bawling.

"Ichigoooooo!"

"Nel?"

And in those next moments, I found hearty laughter escaping my lips again as I watched the little hollow headbutt my sub shinigami straight in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. I watched their exchange with mild humor, glad that even in some place like Hueco Mundo there were light moments like these.

When the little girl said something about her two companions being 'lost childrenses', I tried to cover my amusement, but I could feel the lines on my face morphing into a smile.

And then as if she just noticed my presence, which was probably true, the little green-haired child turned to me, her big hazel eyes blinking innocently. "Itsygo…"

She said this with a small lisp, making me stifle a chuckle in the back of my throat, all the while still staring at me like I was some foreign object. Upon hearing the slight question in her voice, Ichigo followed her gaze, seeing that it was on me, and heaved a sigh. "That's Hazumi."

She blinked for a few more moments, and I shifted my legging, giving a small wave. "Hello."

I wasn't good with kids.

She just stared at me, not quite hostel, but confused. She opened her mouth to say something, but those words were lost upon the sudden enemy reiatsu that just flooded my senses.

Tensing, I threw Ichigo a look, seeing he too had grabbed for his sword, eyes intent.

"…Ichigo? What's wrong…?"

"Be quiet!"

I saw his hand tighten around his sword, and I figured Ichigo wanted to take this one. Thinking this, I stepped closer to the small Arrancar girl, hearing the ginger call out to the foreign presence in the background. And I heard a crash, my gaze flying to the ceiling, where one of the rafters crashed down, and some dude falling along with it.

Shocked silence.

"Um… Heeey… are you okay…?"

"Erm…"

**"TAAAAAADAA!"**

I didn't really know what to do after that. I guess I just kinda watched some Arrancar with a handlebar mustache make a complete fool out of himself, and I was pretty sure Ichigo was just as dumbstruck as I was. An incredulous bark of laughter bubbled in my throat, and I didn't even bother to cover it as the Arrancar struck a dramatic pose.

Clearly he thought himself as the elegant type, but his landing made him more of an elephant in my eyes.

Ichigo was silent, as was Nel, and they both just stared at the guy while I chuckled, still at a loss for words. What could you say to something like that…?

The Arrancar finally seemed to understand Ichigo was… well… not really stupefied at his grand entrance, but a bit exasperated with the man. "Wait just one second! What's with that reaction?"

"Nothing it's just…"

"What's with that reaction?"

Silence.

"WHAT'S WITH THAT REACTIOOOOON?"

"Shut up, you don't have to say it over and over."

Ichigo and the Arrancar continued to bicker, and I would have continued laughing if I hadn't remembered that this… this was the enemy. He was the first we, as a group, were coming in contact with. True, he seemed more like a crock than a formidable opponent, but who was I to judge appearances?

And just as that thought crossed my mind, there was blood.

It spattered across my cheek, had my black eyes widening as I felt something slice my arm, flash by me, gone. Only seconds later did I feel the pain, but it didn't strike me until after the fact that I had blood on my face.

My gaze rotated slowly to Ichigo, who had been standing beside me. There was now a gash cut clean on his shoulder, oozing the ruby substance. And then I looked at my arm, seeing the same ruby liquid crawling down my arm, staining the light fabric of my Ruqun.

…What the hell?

I faintly heard Ichigo attack the guy, saw with my own eyes as he deflected the shinigami's attack effortlessly, a sinister tinge to his expression now. I didn't know why I was so shocked. I came in expecting strong opponents; we all did.

But it just struck me that the Arrancar had flashed right between Ichigo and me, slicing us both in the same swipe, and disappeared before we even registered his presence.

"You should be thinking like that woman, Niño," the Arrancar's voice lowered, and I saw Ichigo stiffen from just in front of me, slowly turning his head back to me. "You shouldn't be judging people by their appearances."

At the time, I didn't wonder how he knew I had thought that for one fleeting moment. Maybe my expression let on more than I thought, but no, that's not what I was focused on at the time. When Ichigo's gaze fell on me, saw my arm and went back to my eyes, I saw something there in his gaze.

My lips set in a hard line, and I pressed my hand to the wound, red soon seeping through my fingers.

And the Arrancar moved.

It was one big flash of movement.

Ichigo was unprepared for the strike, the brute force behind the arrancar's blade, and I was there blocking with my bare hands. It all went still, like this was unexpected. "Seems la mujer**(1) **has skill," the Arrancar noted, breaking the silence, a sick grin starting to pull at his lips.

I guess what he said was true, but it was really nothing. Blocking with my hands was a neat little trick Tessai had taught me back in the day. You just concentrate a fixed amount of reiatsu to your palms, like a coat. It had the same effect as a shield, more or less.

I felt the blood run down my arm.

Gritting my teeth, "You decide, Ichigo. You want this, or should I take him?" More force was added, making my feet slide back slightly, a bead of sweat rolling down my face. The Arrancar laughed, some dry bark of laughter that sounded really throaty to my ears, before he swung down, and I had no choice but to

-be yanked back at the last second…?

Dust filled my line of vision, but I felt a tight grip on the back of my Ruqun.

And then it relented, and Ichigo stepped in front of me, zanpakutou in his hand.

Well, that answered my question.

Stepping back, I gave the sub shinigami space, watching the Arrancar from the corner of my eye. Seeing him jump up to the ceiling, push off the wall, hit Ichigo with a force so great that he went through the wall, the Arrancar following. 

_Shit._

I wasn't far behind the two as they went through the now gaping hole in the wall, seeing Ichigo get pounded like hamburger meat. It had always been nerve-wracking to watch Ichigo fight, though I hadn't seen it much. He was unpredictable, a bombshell if you will. I never knew how things would turn out. So as I watched the Arrancar- whose name I did not know- taunt him, tell him to release Bankai, my stomach was in knots. This guy… was a Privaron Espada. A fallen goddamn Espada.

My arm flew to my face as the wind picked up, and even before the words were uttered I automatically knew he released his sword. It was obvious by the shift in the air, the condensation of spirit particles in the concentrated space below. It was also quite obvious because Ichigo was getting his ass handed to him.

Plain and simple.

But I didn't move to interfere. It's not that I had an honor code or anything, fuck that. If I see a friend dying, I'll do as I please. What was stopping me was the look he had given me earlier. That's what kept me rooted to the spot, watching below. Just standing in the hole in the wall, not ready to go down there.

His tawny eyes had been steely, and looking at me they just conveyed a seriousness I had yet to see from him. Like he had just aged in that look. It seemed he was giving me a lot of new looks today. I still couldn't really believe he had embraced me like that, earlier. What a bizarre occurrence. I wasn't all dumb; I knew Ichigo and I cared for each other to an extent, but… I was unaware he cared that much.

"Itsygo…" Nel was suddenly at my feet, these big fat tears in her eyes, and she was sniffing like a child. Figures, she was one.

"He'll be okay. He'll get through it." I felt her eyes rise to gaze at me, so I looked down, expression neutral. "He always is okay in the end. Don't be afraid."

I vaguely wondered if she realized that I was trying to convince myself more than her. I doubted it, though. She was just a kid. She probably couldn't read my expression or my tone. I had had years of practice masking them both, anyhow.

But the next words I heard had my blood running cold. 

**"Cero."**

I didn't register Nel's movements beside me, nor did I see anything. My mind went blank for that one second. 

_The screams of academy students, shattering. _

_Everything engulfed in that one blast. _

_Nothing remained._

_That hulking explosion of power, incinerating. Wiping the cement clean. _

_The kids… gone. _

I didn't know why I flashed back to the murder. Maybe it was because of the cero, so unexpected just like last time.

But they always were, weren't they?

I rubbed my eyes slowly, coming back to the present. This wasn't the time to remember. Never was the time. It was done, and I had done my grieving. Now I was just being a pansy.

_BOOM!_

A sudden blast had my gaze flicking up, seeing… Nel fire a cero? And dust where the Arrancar stood.

A bala firing, this time.

And that's all that took for my feet to move.

Nel had been hit, and she flew across the room. Shunpoing to her, I felt the amassing of reiatsu behind me. Nel was hurt; I could see from beside her. I didn't have much time to curse the Arrancar, because his attack was about a foot away.

I wasn't going to finish my Bakudo spell.

I was going to be hit.

Steeling myself, I held out my arm

-to feel fabric.

The attack never came. Just a gust of wind.

_What…?_ Squinting, I slowly opened my eyes to see Ichigo before me, his shoulders taut with tension and his sword poised, like he had just slashed something. Swallowing, I listened to the boy speak to the Privaron Espada, heaving a shuttered breath. Well… that was close. A reckless move, on my part. I could have been seriously hurt, more so than I already was. But I wasn't just going to watch Nel be pulverized by some arrogant Arrancar. And it seemed Ichigo wasn't going to stand for it either.

I was moving Nel now, rolling her, picking her up and seeing her big hazel eyes were shaking, scuffs all on her face. I proffered a small smile, seeing she was more shocked than anything else. "You're okay."

"Ichigo…"

"Is okay."

And then said shinigami's voice floated to my ears. "Sorry… Nel. It's because of my stupid stubbornness… that you had to feel pain."

I blanked him out after that. I'm not sure why. Just one second his voice was in my ears, and the next I'm zeroing in on something else. Something more malevolent than this petty Privaron Espada. It felt suffocating, just for a second. Like it withdrew once it realized something noticed. 

_Huh. _

"Then what I'm going to aim for is not you, but that Mujer and little bebé, nothing more."

I think that's when the blood drained from my face, and my inky orbs lifted to see that Arrancar staring right at me. His face twisted with the sick satisfaction of his opponent's struggle, and his own pleasure of the fight. I wouldn't have been such a pansy if I were prepared for the sudden power from the guy, and if I didn't have my hands full with the kid.

Slowly I rose to my feet, shifting Nel to sit on my back, tensing with anticipation.

And then, Ichigo said something so low that I had to strain to hear it. "It'll be okay, Hazumi. I won't let even a shred of reiatsu get by me."

I just blinked, seeing him take in my expression from the corner of his eye, before I nodded just a fraction, stepping back. My grip on Nel tightening just a bit. "Yeah," just a whisper, but I believed him. I always did, in the end.

"Sorry… I can only show this to you for a second."

And that's when his hollow reiatsu hit me, knocking the wind outa me like it always did. It never ceased to amaze me, what Ichigo could pull off. I didn't wince as my sub shinigami cleaved right through the arrancar's torso, but I did scrunch my eyes as I felt the pull of his chalky reiatsu. I say chalky because it was just murky, not pure, but not as malevolent as it was previously, when I had seen his hollow face-to-face.

I felt Nel squirm on my back, and I realized she wanted to be let down, so that's what I did. And when her feet hit the ground, she bolted for Ichigo, hugging his legs tightly. My lips quirked slightly as I saw him glance down at her, face softening.

Tch. He was just a big softy.

And then as if she came to a quick decision- after her and Ichigo exchanged a few words, which were mute to my ears- she raced over to the fallen Arrancar, leaning over his face…

"What the hell?"

She was drooling on his face…?

The Privaron Espada's eyes flew open, and he starting freaking out as well. When they started speaking, I stepped closer, stopping at Ichigo's side. Blinking, my eyes scrunched to take in what the hell just happened.

Some of his wounds were healed. They were closing up before my eyes. How odd. Leaning in closer, I wanted to get a better look. This was definitely intriguing. Saliva that could heal wounds…

And then movement.

I swear, the sword barely missed my throat.

Actually, it did miss my throat, but it got my cheek. My burned skin. I thought I had moved back fast enough, but the tip of his blade just grazed my marred face, setting off the burning sensation.

My world blurred in those next moments, but I did hear myself cry out, and I felt my hands fly to my face, feeling the scalding tangibility return to me. I didn't feel myself get wrenched back in someone's grasp, nor did I hear anything around me.

I just felt that roasting fire back in the cave.

I was being burned alive.

The fire was back.

I was going to die.

"Hazumi. Hazumi, come on. Hazumi!"

And then I wasn't.

I was back. In some hallway again, running with Ichigo… and Nel.

I was in Las Noches. I blinked rapidly, my vision returning to normal.

Seeing Ichigo's indiscernible gaze on me. I lifted my hand to my cheek, my breath coming in ragged spurts as I felt a thick line of warm liquid on my marred face, swallowing thickly.

"Are you alright?"

Little did I know Ichigo had seen the sheen layering my eyes, how they had blanked out for those few moments. Glazed over in pain. I brought my fingers to eye level, rubbing the substance until it turned flaky, falling off the tips of my fingers. "Yeah… yeah I'm fine."

I fisted my hands by my sides, gaze flying the end of the hall, eyes back to normal.

I'd be fine. I had my power back; I had tricks up my sleeve again.

I didn't come here to hold anyone back.

Especially Ichigo.

But that fire… I was actually fearing for my life. I couldn't remember the last time I had been that afraid.

"Come on, the next room's like… five feet away. Why are we stopped…?"

I stepped forward first, flashing into the room, seeing it was just a big space with tons of pillars, and a staircase a few ways away. Ichigo stepped in after me, and I vaguely registered him there.

Because my focus was elsewhere. Two places.

As I had stated before, I was pretty sensitive to reiatsu. I could track this stuff, it was my job. So mind me not as my shoulders stiffened, for two reasons.

One: Rukia. I felt her. Dying. Blood covering her front, soaking her. Stabbed through and through, torso.

And two: Someone was coming.

No.

Someone was there.

Just as my gaze rotated to the staircase, I heard Ichigo finally register Rukia's state. But my sole attention was now on the man- no, not man- _Espada_ at the top of the staircase, his unfeeling jade eyes staring right back into mine.

I had seen those eyes before.

"Ulquiorra Cifer…"

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**(1)** Means 'woman' in spanish.


	26. Keep Me Safe, Please Endure

**A/N: **This chapter? Kinda difficult to write. I think it's the longest I've written so far- which doesn't say much because mine aren't that long to begin with. Anyways, I would like to very graciously thank my reviewers. So very, very much I thank you. There wouldn't be chapters without you lot, it's that simple. So, without further hesitation, chapter 25.

So thanks, guys: **Shadow of a Broken Angel, Mute Thoughts, The Random Reader, Shadowgouf, Animelover1993, Nicky Eira, Ray-nee-chan, Hitorijinsei3, Cassy, **some reviewer with no name but you're still awesome, **Oiten, Buffyandspike-4ever, LogicOfFire, Moonbei, Person, WeesnawMcGee, ShatteredKunai.**

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

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_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veinticinco:**_

_"Keep me safe; Please Endure"  
_

_

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_Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success

**- Ambrose Bierce**

**

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**

I was rooted to the spot as I watched the Espada descend the staircase, heart beating a mile a minute.

I thought it would burst a hole right through my ribcage.

The green eyed Arrancar didn't say a word, just had his hands stuck in his pockets, not one ounce of worry coating his features as he approached two well-able shinigami. Was he really that arrogant…? But then he spoke, his monotonous voice echoing dully throughout the large room, resounding off the stone pillars around us.

"It's been awhile, shinigami."

His eyes flicked between the two of us, first the ginger, then to me, lingering his gaze on my stiff form for a few seconds longer. Seeing his eyes scan my face without expression, noting the burns and blinking before turning back to Ichigo.

"You're…" Ichigo's voice was choked with tension, causing my gaze to stray from the threatening Espada to him, seeing the rigidness that had overcome my sub shinigami. His hands fisting at his sides, "Ulquiorra…!"

"You remember my name?"

Even his questions didn't sound like actual inquiries. "Yet I don't recall telling it to you."

The same tone. "Whatever. Kuchiki Rukia is dead."

That was where I stopped listening. Well, first I tensed with anxiety, fear creeping up on me and just pouncing, devouring my courage to tiny morsels. But then Kuria-Dei started to talk to me, soothe me with her kind words. Her sugarcoated, heavenly words that sometimes I wished I could believe so much.

_**She's not dead. You know that. **_

_**Focus, Hazumi. **_

_**He's tripping you out, and it's working.**_

But I guess somewhere along the road I believed a tiny part of what she said, and I mentally nodded, bringing my shaking hands to my chest, clapping my palms together. Generating fresh Reiryoku to my hands, centering it, concentrating solely on what I was trying to accomplish.

See, being the Fuku Kidocho and all isn't all that nice. It's not luxurious. It's not easier than being a member of the Gotei 13. It's probably more difficult, actually- seeing as it's a smaller organization, yet we have more or less the same jobs. Or, most of us do. Anyways, to be in the Kidoshu, you gotta have complete control over your reiatsu. You have to hone your success; you have to know what you're doing. If you screw up, there's a good chance you'll die in the field. Because the members that _do_ go out in the field- me, for example- get pitted up against things like Hollow's Nests, or Adjuchas. In rare cases, I've seen Vasto Lordes.

Anyway, we rely heavily on Kido practices. Small nifty tricks we learn over the years, and sometimes create ourselves. Me, I've created some little tricks of my own. I've learned how to do all this shit. Now, have I used it in a good number of years? No. I've been back in Seireitei doing paperwork and training recruits, because things have been slow. But recently, I've had so much of a workout I wouldn't know where to begin explaining if someone asked. Anyway, the point of that whole rant. Basically, everything I do has a reason.

Everything I leave behind, everything I bring with me has some sort of importance.

Crouching down, I reached into my robes, pulling out a piece of small charcoal- something every officer in the Kidoshu carries along- and starting drawing. It started with just a simple circle divided into fourths. Next, I'm drawing Kanji's in the quarters, working as quickly as possible. I could still hear the two talking in the background. Then the piece was done, and I stuffed the charcoal away, swallowing my rushing anxiety and starting the chant, muttering quickly and quietly.

"Heart of the south, eye of the north, finger of the west, foot of the east, arrive with the wind and depart with the rain, **Bakudo 58: Kakushitsuijyaku!**"

The circle lit up beneath my hands, illuminating my face. My features hardened as I felt the rush of reiatsu come at me, and then I found her. Rukia was not far from where I was. If I hurried, I could make it. I could heal her.

"Where are you going?"

Slowly my gaze lifted, seeing Ichigo walking towards my crouched form, his head down so I couldn't see his eyes. He was coming closer, until he was just a few feet away, and he lifted his gaze, hard tawny orbs locking my gaze. "To save Rukia."

"I believe I told you she's dead."

How could that Espada say something so cruel without any emotion whatsoever?

It was like that time when Hosyu killed my hamster. He just walked in, told me he dropped a book- my book- on it, and walked out, done with the situation. Didn't share any gory details, but didn't care either.

_Prick._

Ichigo was at my side now, stopped, hand squeezing my shoulder.

Swallowing thickly, I slowly stood, my eyes glued to the Espada before us.

"I don't believe you."

I placed my hand on his, adding just a bit of pressure.

My voice was just a murmur; the Arrancar couldn't hear from this distance. "She's not dead. I've checked—"

"Stubborn, aren't we?"

I was starting to really hate this Espada's voice. No, scratch that- just him in general.

"…I have no reason to fight you." 

_Uhm…_

"…What do you mean?"

Seems Ulquiorra and I were on the same wavelength here. What the hell was this stupid ginger talking about?

Ichigo took another stepped forward, pulling my shoulder along with him, causing me to turn slightly. But I wasn't going anywhere. What the hell was he _doing? _This Espada was our enemy, and he was just going to walk away? I felt Ichigo's sudden irritation with me, but he spoke, clarifying for the both of us. "You are an enemy… but you yourself have yet to harm any of my friends…!"

From the corner of my eye I saw the green eyed Arrancar incline his head, speaking lowly.

"I see."

Something wasn't right. This was going too simply.

But then whatever mutual agreement to stay still shattered with Ulquiorra's one utterance. "Then allow me."

And then pain. My spine rattled upon the sudden impact, causing a choked groan to spill from my lips. I heard the force of my body hitting stone resound throughout the room, cracking. Wincing, my brain desperately attempted to piece what just happened together.

Ulquiorra's hand was around my throat.

My back was against the far wall.

His grip was only getting tighter. Raising my shaking arms, I wrapped my hands around his, struggling in his iron chokehold. His cold hand was easily wrapped around me, like I was some easy target. 

_"Uhg-!"_

Jade eyes only narrowed, locking charcoal. His expression clean, the only signs of strength being exerted were the taut lines of his forearm through fabric.

"HAZUMI!"

I tried, I really tried to slip my hands from under his, slip from his grasp somehow. But I couldn't.

Things were starting to get blurry.

I couldn't breathe.

But then through fuzzy vision I saw a figure attack Ulquiorra from the side, expression enraged. I realized it was Ichigo. The Espada's hand was still around my throat, his other now blocking the ginger's colossal sword, only slightly strained.

"This is what motivates you."

His voice revealed nothing. It wasn't a question. Just a bored statement.

Black spots were filling my vision. I heard Ichigo's anger, "You bastard!"

But I felt his outrage, which was just oozing from his persona.

I needed to breathe. Finally, my grip slackened, hands falling from my throat, darkness almost to the point of victory.

I think Ichigo understood me, barely, that is. "Mo-move, Ichigo."

It was just a hoarse whisper, but I know he moved at the very last second. He saw my hands. Thinking he could just follow and I was done for, the Espada pivoted to follow my sub shinigami, but halted when my grip on his sleeve returned.

He scoffed, flicking my hand away, "Trash."

But that's exactly what I wanted.

Looking back on it, I'm not sure how I muttered the words at the time, but by God I shot that Hado spell straight for that arrogant Espada, **"****Hado 54: Haien."**

And then I could breathe again.

It was bliss, feeling the oxygen return to my windpipe, sucking in the pure air. Okay so maybe it wasn't that pure, seeing as there was a cloud of smoke just before me from the blast, but my point had been made. I decided I quite enjoyed breathing.

Hearing the small _swish_ of shunpo beside me, I vaguely felt a small grip on my arm before flashing away from the smoke, landing a good distance away with Ichigo. I hunched over so my hands were on my knees, still regaining myself from the unpleasant experience of being choked to almost the point of unconsciousness.

His grip was still fastened on my arm.

"Are you okay?" his voice was just a murmur.

I coughed something awful, nodding my head slowly, keeping my gaze down. His hand trailed to the back of my neck, oddly soothing me. His fingers trailing lightly over skin, I shuddered- not from the sudden surplus of oxygen back in my system, either. Finally able, I stood, drawing a breath and exhaling slowly, my black eyes trailing to Ichigo's.

"Thank you," my voice was small and scratchy, and when our eyes locked, I quirked my lips infinitesimally at my sub shinigami. He just scoffed, lips curling ever so slightly at my goofy expression. "Tch, yeah—"

But he never got to finish.

Because over on the far side of the room, rubble was shifting, and next thing I know Ulquiorra is standing there, clothing singed and lips pulled into a small frown. His melancholic demeanor somehow possessing a sinister poise, his jade eyes burning green fire. My black eyes were wide with shock, and I wondered how the hell he deflected that spell when I fired it point blank. There was no way he dodged; it was evident that he didn't, the way he appeared. But he wasn't looking at me, or even regarding my presence, just looking at Ichigo with those eyes.

"Kurosaki Ichigo. Will you not attack now?"

I saw Kurosaki's hands fist at his sides, still hesitant for some strange reason.

What was running through that boy's head?

"I see," Ulquiorra stepped forward, kept walking towards us and spoke again, "What if I told you… that I was the one who brought Inoue Orihime to Hueco Mundo?"

That's all that took for Ichigo's feet to be moving, striking the Espada with his colossal sword, only to be blocked with just a stark-white hand.

"Hazumi…" Swallowing thickly, my eyes directed themselves to the lisped voice, finding Nel at my feet. I had totally forgotten about her for those last few moments. "Itsygo will…" It seemed she was at a loss for what to say.

What could she say?

…Why did a child have to witness something such as this?

This was war.

We were at war, she was here with us. It wasn't right. So with that thought in mind, I did the only thing I could do to comfort a child in the midst of war. I just reached down and offered her my hand, not grabbing hers, but just waiting for her to take mine. She would take it if she needed, and if not, then she'd survive. But then I felt her small, warm hand fasten tightly to mine, squeezing it in anxiety.

And when Ichigo released his Bankai, and that damned hollow mask right along with it, I squeezed back.

I could only watch as my sub shinigami and the Espada went at it, intensity rocking the room. Pillars crashed, power escalated, tension increased dramatically. It was a good thing we were behind Ichigo, or else Nel and I would be crushed by the falling stone. And incinerated by that forcible _Getsuga Tenshou _Ichigo had flung at Ulquiorra.

I'm serious; it totally engulfed the green-eyed Espada, until there was just smoke everywhere.

And it was so still.

Did he… Was he dead?

I barely registered Nel letting go of my hand, racing ahead to tackle Ichigo and express her worry. My eyes were on the dust and rubble, waiting for it to clear up so I could see. But when I noticed it wasn't clearing anytime soon, I found myself ambling over towards Ichigo, hands in my pockets.

I heard Nel nagging him, crying hysterically, and when I stopped in front of his form, his bronze eyes strayed to me, silent. I, too, was quiet, lips compressed, my mouth a taut line. Wordlessly I offered him and hand, and with Nel on his shoulder, he gingerly took it, slowly rising.

"You're so reckless."

He was standing now, and my grip on his hand had slackened, but his didn't.

I looked past him, seeing the smoke finally cleared

-and my heart stopped.

I didn't catch the look on Ichigo's face as he gazed at me- that is, before the reiatsu emerged, undeterred. But I know in that second he felt it too. "… Well, well."

My eyes were wide as saucers when Ulquiorra Cifer came into view, one hand stuffed in his pocket, the other dusting off his shoulder. "… To think that I was unable to stop it, even with both hands… I'm a bit surprised." 

_Prick doesn't look surprised._

His green eyes showing nothing, "Was that all of your power, just now?"

Ichigo was still and shocked beside me, speechless. His hand was gripping mine so hard I thought it would break. When he didn't say anything, Ulquiorra continued, "…It would appear so…"

The accumulation of a vast amount of Reiryoku began; it had my spine going stiff. "How unfortunate."

And then the blast was right there.

**"Cero!" **

It flew at us, and I could only attempt to divert it, **"Enkosen!" **

Alas, the small yellow shield wasn't strong enough. In the back of my mind I had anticipated that all along, because when one skips an incantation to a Kido spell, the spell is weakened drastically. I was a pro, but still, my spell was far weaker than that Espada's cero.

It dismantled my buffer in seconds.

And so we were all caught in the blast, slamming through the wall behind us, smashing rock and sand and stone. I barely caught myself sliding in the rough lumps of dirt, rough quakes rocking my lean frame.

Blood spilled to the white sand, seeping through and staining the plain substance.

"Nel! Are you okay? Nel!"

Ichigo's voice floated to my ears, and my head snapped up.

"Hazumi!"

Ichigo was standing right before me now, an unconscious Nel in his arms. He was coated with scrapes and blood, half of his robes eaten away by the terrifying blast of power.

And then someone was between us.

And Ichigo was kicked one way, me- another.

My mind just kind of shut down at that point.

I landed with an ungraceful _thud_ a good ways away, face eating dirt. I felt blood from my skin coating the ground, leaving my presence known. My arms were shaking as I lifted myself up, coughing. My face burned.

I felt the flames once again.

How had they just snuck up on me like that? And why were they here now?

How… how were the flames licking, just scalding my exposed skin all over again?

Slowly my hand rose to my cheek, and flinched when I felt the seething fire. __

_**It's not there. There is no fire, Hazumi.**_

A choked sound escaped the back of my throat.

And suddenly Kuria-Dei was beside me. Her black hair and blue eyes soft and beautiful. Sporting her plain white Kimono, as always. __

_**There are no flames, see?**_

She reached out to me, and I flinched once again, afraid of the pain._** Just let me.**_

And then her soft white hands touched my marred cheek, and I felt nothing. No sting, no pain.

I felt something lifting off of me, feeling so much lighter. __

_**Let me take it all away. Abandon your worries, Hazumi. That's what I'm here for.**_

_** I'm a part of you. When you feel pain, I do. **_

_**When you feel joy, I do. **_

_**I'm a piece of you. **_

_**Your soul.**_

And she was gone. I was still there in the sand, palms flat on the ground, head bent. Swallowing something thick, I pushed myself into a standing position, securing Dei on my waist with shaky hands. But whatever composure I had just gained from Kuria-Dei's appearance dissipated in that second, as I felt a sudden presence leaving me.

The reiatsu, diminishing before me, and I could see it.

I reached out to it, mouth slightly parted as I watched it escape into the air, then gone.

_Ichigo…_

With an ache in my chest, I realized it was Ichigo. My heart contracted something painful, and I shuddered in a ragged breath. My feet started to move. First I ran, my feet carrying me over to where I last felt the boy's reiatsu, but then I started to shunpo, feeling a bubbling franticness in my gut.

A broken pillar was the place.

With just a few more steps, I was there.

I was in.

I was staring at Ulquiorra's back and Ichigo's fallen form. My feet were moving again- stumbling, really, towards the boy.

Mind blank as I passed the still Espada, processing nothing as I stopped right in front of Ichigo.

Wordlessly, my fists clenched at my sides, and my black eyes were voids.

Behind me, I heard the Espada shift in his stance, and then he spoke. "He's dead."

I didn't respond.

"There will be no victory for any of you."

I felt something break inside of me.

"Leave now, and I will spare your life."

Still, I said nothing. Though something bad was manifesting in me, about to the point of explosion. My eyes were just glued to Ichigo's still form. He was… He wasn't breathing. He wasn't moving. He was just… _there._ With blood covering him. A hole in his chest.

"I will not say this again."

And that something inside of me snapped, unleashing many, many years of rage and desolation and frustration.

In one swift movement I pivoted, striking the monotonous Espada with my zanpakutou with much more force than I ever knew I had. Little tears spurted in my eyes as I faced him, baring Kuria-Dei down strongly. He was blocking with his hand, eyes widening just a fraction- a fraction of a fraction.

"YOU MONSTER!"

And I gave another forceful shove, crying out in frustration. Both his hands were on the tip of my blade now. My expression was twisted with rage, and my eyes now held this darkness- an absence. Like my soul had taken leave so compassion and mercy could not interfere.

Ichigo's blood was on his hands.

Blood was now on my blade.

It caused a shaking amount of emotion to emit from me, and I just shouted something indiscernible, navy reiatsu flooding from me. With a strong swipe from Kuria-Dei, I forced the Espada back, out the pillar, into the air. I followed him in a flash, eyes glinting with ferocity. My dark blue reiatsu wrapped around my blade, slamming into Ulquiorra with a brute force akin to getting smacked with a metal bat. The Espada plummeted to the ground, the sudden _crash_ and dust in the air telling me there he had caused a crater that had shaken the ground.

Not long after did my feet touch the ground, zanpakutou gripped in my hand so tightly that I thought my hand would fall off. But just as I expected, Ulquiorra stepped out of the smoke, lips tipped in a small frown. Eyes betraying nothing. Stance, too passive to tell what was going through his mind. With steely eyes I stared back at him, my tattered Ruqun threatening to blow away.

My clothes also had been charred when I was hit with the cero, like Ichigo's.

With just one tug I ripped the seams of the rest of my clothing, stepping out of the piece that was now just a nuisance. Underneath, I had been wearing black stretch pants similar Yoruichi's, my thick purple Kido obi, and a black sleeveless turtleneck. My bandages had been disintegrated in the blast, too. So my red arms were now in sight, raw and marred.

My eyes never left his as I kicked off my shoes, burying my feet in the sand.

"Attack me, Espada. I'll destroy you."

I held Kuria-Dei horizontally, right in front of my face. My elbows were pushed back for balance, and the tip of her blade was right in front of me. It was his move. And he took advantage of it.

He just flew at me, sword now drawn, hitting and hitting and hitting. Our movements were too fast for the normal eyes to see, his green energy and my navy just clashing over and over, causing the sounds of impact to keep repeating, shockwave after shockwave.

With a particularly brutal hit from both ends, our swords flew in the air, making us go for each others throats with our bare hands. His fist went for my skull, and I deflected it with a flick of my wrist, aiming my leg for his torso.

He flashed away, behind me now, his foot inches from my face

-and another block from my scarred hand.

He was relentless.

But so I was.

His hand was going for my throat, and at the last second I caught it, squeezing his knuckles until I heard his bones pop, releasing and flashing away as a strike for my shoulder missed, slicing air. Our hand-to-hand combat was very delicate.

One wrong move, just one misstep, and my head could be rolling off my shoulders with one of those kicks.

When another one of his strong kicks came around, I ducked, rolling for my zanpakutou and deflecting his just in time.

I gritted my teeth as he bared his sword down on me, my back sinking into the grainy sand beneath. And as it continued to come down, for that one second my eyes had strayed back to where the broken pillar stood, and something inside me was just fueled by that one thought; _that Ichigo was not breathing because of this man before me._

As that raced through my mind, I found myself pushing back, crying out in frustration.

The reiatsu around us was crushing, too powerful for some lowly Arrancar or shinigami to withstand. And as we both realized this wasn't going anywhere, we flashed opposite ways, landing just a few yards from one another.

Kuria-Dei shook in my hand by my side, and I swallowed something thick as my coal orbs took in the sight of Ulquiorra before me. He was just as disheveled as I was- maybe a little less. But I needed to do something different about our confrontation.

I wasn't going to kill him like this.

In a quick movement, I stabbed Kuria-Dei into the ground, exhaling slowly.

"Girl…"

My hands went to my obi, unfastening one of the crisscrossed strap, then another. I held them up in my hands, connecting them with narrowed eyes, only glancing at the still Espada, making sure he wouldn't pull a fast one.

"What are you doing."

I pressed my palms together with the straps between them, accumulating my reiatsu. Raising my black eyes to meet jade, I felt them harden, and I bit out a response. "I'm going to kill you."

And then a sudden burst of power on my part, my navy reiatsu sky-rocketing.

My hands flew to my standing blade, grasping the black hilt and tying the two straps onto it.

Drawing a breath, **"Bankai."**

**

* * *

**

I wanted to get out alive. I wanted to beat the man who stole Ichigo's life.

And to do that I needed to grow up a bit.

When my energy abated to normalcy, I grasped Kuria-Dei's Bankai lightly. "**Bachi no Seken.** She'll be pleased to spill your blood, Ulquiorra Cifer." **(1)**

In my hand was a staff.

Kuria-Dei had transformed into a golden staff, simple yet not. There was a small black orb centered on the tip, and rings surrounded it in layers. Think the planet Saturn, but with many more rings orbiting.

I pulled my zanpakutou with both hands, spinning her with speed, getting a feel of my freshly released Bankai.

_It's been so long… _

"I see." He spoke lowly, closing his eyes slowly.

Our feet were moving again. My staff against his blade, hit after hit after hit.

I kicked at his blade, using it as leverage to jump above him, shoving _Bachi no Seken_ straight down for his skull, waiting for an impact that never came. The dull end of the staff hit sand, and I held onto the center part of the golden pole, balancing myself to block his kick with my own leg. On the offensive, I swung the pole straight for his torso, but his sword came up vertically to block his side.

Pivoting, I made a jabbing motion for his face, the orb just inches from his eyes-

**"Hado 58: Tenran!" **

The gust of wind was strong, the vortex shooting straight from the orb of my staff, slamming anything in its route through empty space. The gales of wind were pulling, my hair flapping in every direction until it settled, and I had to act fast to dodge the cero fired my way.

When the green dynamite was just feet from me, I thrust my staff straight out, letting it work its magic.

I watched as the cero jerked erratically, halting.

Then, it was consumed by the black orb on my staff.

I watched the dark tendrils shoot from the small sphere, watched it devour the living daylights outa that cero. And it disappeared, all packed tight into my weapon for safekeeping.

"Interesting."

Our weapons met again, and I put my all into every single strike, every single move I made. Bringing my leg up for a roundhouse kick, he caught it-as I expected him to.

And that's when I hurled _Bachi no Seken_ at him, seeing the little rings that surrounded the orb at the tip straighten out, becoming little blades, heading straight for his face.

He barely dodged, but it grazed his face in the process, and to keep him on his toes, I added a little more fun.

**"****Kongōbaku!"**

The blast of spherical, red energy hurled from my hands, straight for the unsuspecting Espada. I heard it make contact.

Panting, I watched with a weary eye as the smoke started to clear, my hand gripping _Bachi no Seken._

_CRUNCH! _

Pain.

Crippling, choking, pain.

I could only gasp as the impact paralyzed me.

My eyes almost rolled to the back of my head, it hurt so much.

I felt the metallic taste of blood fill my mouth as Ulquiorra retracted his fist from my torso, finishing his brutal attack with a kick to my head, making me fly a good ways away.

Landing with a hard _thud_.

I tried to make my arms push my body up, but they were too shaky, and I collapsed.

I could only settle for rolling onto my back, my staff lying in my limp hand.

The Espada was standing over me.

I opened my mouth to speak, scream, do something, but blood just bubbled up in my throat, choking me. It leaked from my mouth, and I scrunched my eyes, keeping them glued to Ulquiorra, who was just hovering.

"Aizen-sama seems to think you have worth."

Aizen…?

He took a step closer to me, and my grip tightened slightly on _Bachi no Seken._

"In his eyes, you have grown."

Woopdy-fucking-do.

"This ables me to kill you."

His sword was coming down on me.

I couldn't move; something was broken inside of me. I felt the sickening crunch on impact.

So I moved my arm with my staff in my grip, flinching as his blade punctured me, not able to contain my utterance of pain.

But I got him, too.

Despite myself, despite the pain I felt as his sword pierced my chest, I let a small smile grace my lips as the rings of my staff transformed to little blades once again, puncturing his stomach.

I saw the blood through the fabric of his white clothes, and I attempted to further injure him, but he took hold of my staff, slowly wrenching it out of his gut.

"Trash…"

Little did I know, two lone figures had been watching our fight from the very beginning.

And one of those said figures appeared out of nowhere, flashing right behind Ulquiorra, taking charge. Grasping him by the shoulder as the green-eyed Espada was otherwise occupied, throwing some little cube into… Ulquiorra's hollow hole?

My eyes widened as the Espada I had been fighting for God knows how long suddenly disappeared, leaving just empty space.

No, scratch that.

"Grimmjow Jeagerjaques…"

* * *

**(1) **Roughly translates to 'Curse of this World.'

Previously stated: **Reviews = Soul Food. 3**


	27. Deluge

**A/N:** So, this one's not quite as long, but I'm satisfied with the length. There's a lot in the wording, and I didn't want to add anymore because it didn't feel quite right. I may have a chapter out by this weekend, but that's slim. Finals are starting Tuesday. I'm not worried, because I know my shit. But just in case, I'm looking over everything. But anyways, enough about me. Read, you faithful readers, you.

_Thanks guys. You're pretty awesome, and so nice:_

**Nicky Eira, Mute Thoughts, WeesnawMcGee, LogicOfFire, Shadow of a Broken Angel, Hitorijinsei3, Animelover1993, The Random Reader, Shadowgouf. **

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_Veintiseis:_**

_"Deluge"_

_

* * *

_If it's not real,

You can't hold it in your hand,

You can't feel with your heart

_Paramore - _**Brick By Boring Brick**

**

* * *

**

Well, there really wasn't much to say at that point.

There was a hole in my chest, centered square in my thoracic cavity to be exact. Just above my ribcage, between my breasts.

Yeah. So there was a lot of blood. And my lying on my back didn't help at all. Neither did the fact that I couldn't move. Nor the fact that I was in _pain_, most likely dying, and there was an angry Espada standing just two feet away from me.

At that point, the coppery taste of blood had long since spilled from my mouth.

I couldn't… I couldn't do anything to prevent the blood from gushing from my chest, staining my clothes with crimson, staining the white sand with red. I felt so much pain. I wanted it to stop.

"Tch… look at you. Can't even move." The irritable blue-eyed Espada stared down at me with baleful disinterest, hands stuffed in his hakama pants pockets.

My shaking hand reached for _Bachi no Seken_, desperately trying to take hold of some kind of defense. But Grimmjow saw this, and with a merciless glint in his eye he sent a kick my way, causing me to just roll in the sand, uttering a particularly uncharacteristic cry of pain.

My body stopped rolling, and I found myself sprawled on my side, facing Grimmjow. My half-lidded eyes watched him approach me slowly, a thick line of blood trailing from the corner of my mouth.

Beside my face, my palm gripped the sand lying beneath tightly, and my breaths were just barely coming out. Every time I attempted to take in oxygen it would just backfire, and there was more blood. My hair was matted with it, all disheveled from my fight with Ulquiorra, and I felt it just sticking to my face.

Finally the footsteps stopped.

"Yer so useless. I don't know what the fuck to do with you."

His foot placed itself on my side, adding pressure.

"Lyin' there all weak. Kurosaki's not gonna wanna fight me if yer like this."

His foot was digging into my ribs.

I couldn't do anything.

I wasn't able to save Ichigo.

"Grimm-Grimmjow…"

My voice was just barely there, raspy and quiet. My hand fisted in the sand, and I spit out blood, wincing as I felt the life leaving me. He was looking down at me, lips pulled in a nasty grimace.

I sucked in a batch of air, saying what I needed.

"The-the day Ich-Ichigo loses to- you… is the day I-I die…"

The electric eyed Espada just stared down at me, saw my eyes dimming.

The black fading to grey. Saw my grip on the sand slacken, until it was just lying there, and I was shuddering in my last breaths.

I was cold. I was crushed and slick with blood and pale.

But I didn't want to die.

I vaguely heard his irritated voice, "Fuckin' woman…"

And I was being lifted. Like I was flying. A grip on the back of my neck, an arm holding the backs of my legs up. And the blood dripping, catching in my throat. I was no longer burning.

Kuria-Dei had gotten rid of it.

Now I was just getting colder.

And then we stopped flying.

Grimmjow set me down against a big broken fragment of stone, smearing red on the back of the grey rock. He turned back to a standing figure, which was beside this big glowing orange shield, something inside of it.

My vision wasn't too swell, nor my hearing, but I caught the gist of the conversation.

"Hazumi-san…?"

"Just shut up and heal him, then her. We've only got two or three hours, max."

"…No…"

A _swish_ of air.

"I'm not asking you if you want to or not…! HEAL HIM!"

Choked sounds coming from the other figure. "What happened to Hazumi?"

"I don't fucking care. HEAL KUROSAKI!"

"If I heal him, you're just going to hurt him again… so… no way!"

Anger. "YOU LITTLE BITCH…"

And movement. Something lifted inside of me when I felt it. I felt his presence again.

_He's alive…_

"Let her go…"

Finally my mind put the pieces together. Inoue was healing him, Grimmjow wanted him healed to fight, and I… was just chillin' in the corner.

Dying.

"Kuro…"

"Inoue… Heal me." Just hearing his voice was enough. He was fucking alive. I wanted to lie down now, but I couldn't move. Something was crushed inside of me. It was preventing me from moving, from shifting at all. My hands were shaking as I closed my eyes, listening to Ichigo speak. As long as he was okay now.

"Please heal my injuries… and then…"

Breathing was too much labor now. There was too much blood. I was so dizzy, so nauseous. And so weak. Conversation ceased for a moment, and I felt eyes on me.

Slowly, my eyes flickered back open, seeing an obscured figure standing before me, kneeling to my level.

Orange hair…

I opened my mouth to say something, anything at this point, really, but all that came out was a slow exhale of any oxygen I had left in my lungs at the time. I couldn't swallow, couldn't hardly breathe, so I sure as hell couldn't talk. My hand was just shaking at my side, and with more effort that I can ever remember using I slowly lifted it to touch the figure in front of me.

Ichigo Kurosaki.

Never mind the blood coated on my hands. My fingertips just at his face, and then my hand on his cheek. My vision was still blurry from the loss of blood, but I also felt water filling my eyes.

He was alive.

My lips curled almost unnoticeably at the fact, and I felt my hand falling.

A warm hand caught it.

Black was creeping in the corners of my vision.

Lips trembling, I swallowed with much difficulty, breathing him in.

Breathing his name, "Ichigo…"

I was swallowed by darkness.

* * *

"This weather sucks."

Mon sighed heavily as she watched the rain pour in heavy sheets, hitting the glass window in which she was peering through with stray _splats._ She buried her hands in her mess of pink hair, glaring through her coral orbs at said wet offender, which was drenching the city.

"Wonder how Hueco Mundo looks right about now…"

"Looks like your funeral."

The dry remark cut through the boring silence of the warehouse, causing Mon to turn. Her eye caught Barry sitting in a wooden chair at one of the tall, arched windows. Furrowing her brows, "What are you doing over there, Barry?"

She could see the smoke of one Barry's ever-burning cigarettes rising above her seated form, dissipating. "I'm waiting."

"For what?"

Barry didn't answer, only brought her cigarette to her lips, inhaling deeply. The disinterested bomb's whiz was waiting on three things, if she were to say. She was waiting for Hosyu to wake up, so she could speak to him again and see how his last healing process went for those God-awful burns. She was waiting for someone to come to the warehouse and let her know when shit was goin' down. She was a criminal, but she knew _they_ knew of her presence.

And she was waiting for the rain to stop, because that meant Hazumi was okay.

She knew what was happening over there in Hueco Mundo. So she was sitting, waiting.

That was the only thing she could do.

"You think she's okay?"

It was like Mon had read her mind. Gripping a small black pebble in her palm, Barry exhaled.

"Don't know."

"What's that in your hand there?" The fuchsia haired girl had come up beside her without her knowledge, making her close her palm once again, this time much quicker.

"A stone."

"Uh huh…"

The same material from which Hazumi's Bankai consisted of.

It came from the same black orb.

"Go open up the door, someone's here."

"No need to inconvenience yourselves, I let myself in."

Barry and Mon both turned, the latter much more dramatically than the former. Two figures stepping into the threshold of the bulky warehouse, at ease. Mon's pink eyes widened, surprised.

Barry inhaled one last time before stubbing out her cigarette on the arm of her chair.

Olive eyes rolling lazily to her two guests. "Kisuke, Yoruichi. What a pleasant surprise."

And through the window, the rain- ever so strong, an unyielding deluge.

* * *

_I am walking through a timeline of my life. I see myself in Kusajishi, my former home. I see Reizo smiling down at my younger self. My choppy blonde hair and coal black eyes glinting back up at him, a childish laugh echoing throughout my ears as I watch Hosyu enter the picture, jumping on Reizo's back. They are always like that, goofing around and knocking each other around. Acting brotherly and protecting their younger sister. _

_

* * *

_

_I'm running through Kusajishi, stolen watermelon and assorted foods are hugged to my chest. I'm trying to escape the boys; they always pick on me. They tell me I'm a stupid girl, and I'll always hold my brothers down. They tell me my brothers are losers. I trip, and they're on top of me. Later I come home with a black eye, and I tell my brothers I ran into a vender's cart earlier that day. _

_

* * *

_

_Reizo is accepted into the shinigami academy. I am still young. I cry when he says he has to leave, and then he says __we__ all get to leave too. My brothers and I escape the slums. _

_

* * *

_

_I enter the shinigami academy, not long after Reizo and Hosyu graduate. I make friends, and I am successful. There is one girl, Kesha, and a boy, Taro. We become good friends. I also meet Barry. Mon follows her around. Barry is the smartest person I know. Mon is a sweet kid. _

_

* * *

_

_I'm appointed squadron leader in my last year of the academy. I take grad shinigami to the human world for last minute exercises. It's a glorious position to be appointed. I am being scouted by the Gotei 13. _

_

* * *

_

_I take three academy students to the human world. _

_I murder them. _

_Life changes. _

_

* * *

_

_My zanpakutou is taken from me, my seat in the academy- 3__rd__ in the class- is stripped from me as well. I do not finish my schooling. I wander to a rehabilitation institution hosted by the Kidoshu, and I stay there.

* * *

_

_I do not speak, I barely eat. I sit in my room and stare at the wall, and when I am told I go outside with the other occupants. _

_I live by a set routine.

* * *

_

_A man knocks on my door one day, his name is Father Eli. I have never seen him before, but he sits beside me and talks to me. He comes everyday. I still do not say a word.

* * *

_

_Father Eli tells me many great stories. He tells me of courage and trust and honesty. He recites prayers and manuscripts and talks to me like he's holding a conversation with a normal person. I then deduce he is not aware of my sins.

* * *

_

_Father Eli is here again. He is asking about my health; he says I look malnourished. He says that I seem to not sleep._

_ I speak for the first time in three years, **"The dead keep me awake."

* * *

**_

_Father Eli has given me a book. The bible. I read it as soon as the leather spine touches my hands. He says I look better than last time. I have more color to my cheeks. I brush it off with a small laugh.

* * *

_

_A new man comes into my room; his name is Hachigen __Ushōda. He sits where Father Eli normally sits and talks to me. I interact with him like a normal person, but I know I'm not. He is a nice man.

* * *

_

_Father Eli comes in after a week. He looks tired. I ask him about it, and he just says he's old. _

_That's all I say.

* * *

_

_Another week. Father Eli has noticed my silence has returned. He asks me about it, and I tell him. I tell him why I'm here. _

_I confess my sins. _

_

* * *

_

_I have not seen Father Eli in a month. I fear I have driven him away. _

_I know I am not normal.

* * *

_

_Hachigen comes into my room today. He likes to talk about the weather and the sky. I ask him about Father Eli, and he tells me Father Eli passed away three weeks ago. Then Hachigen leaves, and I stare at the wall. _

_I cry.

* * *

_

_Hachigen visits me more frequently now. I ask him what he's doing here. I ask him why he talks to me. He says I am a nice person. He tells me he's in the Kidoshu. I laugh at the former statement. Hachigen tells me he thinks I should go back to the real world. _

_Reality. _

_I don't tell him, but I am afraid of returning to reality.

* * *

_

_I have not seen my brothers in five years. I miss them. I tell Hachigen this, and he tells me he thinks I'm ready to leave._

_Reality is a very daunting concept. I am scared.

* * *

_

_ I return to reality. I see Reizo first, and he welcomes me back with open arms. It takes Hosyu a day or two, but he comes around. We act as if we are a family again. _

_But I know I will never belong.

* * *

_

_I do not return to my schooling, but my zanpakutou is returned to me._

_ I question this act, but I do not say a word to anyone.

* * *

_

_I am recruited into the Gobantai. I meet Aizen Sosuke and Hirako Shinji. I am reunited with Barry and Mon. Barry picks up right where we left off, and Mon follows in suit.

* * *

_

_Aizen is my superior officer. He is a nice man, and he helps me train. I am still reluctant to further my skill. I relay this to Aizen, but he comforts me. He knows of my sins, yet he talks to me. Just as Hachigen and Father Eli had. _

_I feel hope.

* * *

_

_I train with Aizen everyday. He says I have potential. He says I will make a great shinigami. I blush and tell him to stop with the flattery._

_ He just smiles.

* * *

_

_ I talk to Hirako-Taicho almost everyday. He is a funny man with a goofy sense of humor. He tries to put up a serious front, but most of the time it fails. He is a good Taicho to be paired with.

* * *

_

_ I am training with Aizen again. He tells me to release my zanpakutou, and I freeze up. I ask him how he knows I can release into shikai state. He just smiles and tells me it's okay. I do not release, and I apologize to Sosuke. _

_I ask for forgiveness, and he says it is okay. _

_He tells me it'll come with time._

_He tells me I am not weak.

* * *

_

_I am recruited into the __Jūbantai. I tear up when I say goodbye to Shinji and Sosuke, but they just say they'll see me around. _

_I hug them both and thank them for accepting me.

* * *

_

_Time passes fast. I am fifth seat in the Jūbantai. Matsumoto-Fukutaicho is younger than me, but she acts much older. She is loud and obnoxious and funny. She drinks a lot, too._

_ I think that is a bad habit to undertake. _

_Barry has been arrested and detained for criminal actions against Seireitei. Her execution date is not yet set.

* * *

_

_Hosyu is now in the Nibantai. I congratulate him, and in turn he introduces me to his Taicho, Yoruichi __Shihōin. She is a very keen and charming woman. I admire her._

_ Barry is to be executed in two days. _

_I make sure that does not happen.

* * *

_

_Reizo becomes Fukutaicho of the Rokubantai. We celebrate with much happiness. No one knows of my taking part in Nguyen Barry's escape. Search parties are sent out. _

_She has disappeared off the face of the earth.

* * *

_

_Time flies, and before I know it I'm Fukutaicho of the Yobantai. I am afraid Reizo will miss my introductory ceremony because he is away on a mission. Hosyu confronts me about Barry's disappearance. _

_I lie.

* * *

_

_Reizo congratulates me on my promotion. _

_He then betrays me. I am left on the floor, cold and bloody and my hope has long faded.

* * *

_

_I forget everything about Reizo's betrayal. Hosyu lies to me and I continue my search for him. My friends have disappeared from Seireitei. I no longer see Barry and Mon, Hachigen or Yoruichi or Shinji, or any of the others. _

_My life slowly falls to pieces.

* * *

_

_I am on an extraction mission with four other shinigami. I meet Rukia and Renji. My subordinate, Matsuyo, dies. I mourn her death. _

_Hosyu knows the truth about Barry. _

_He does nothing with this new knowledge.

* * *

_

_Two years go by. I am Fuku Kidocho. I meet Hilo Boggnamo. I deem him Ojii-san, and he knows it. I do many assignments for the Kidoshu. _

_I go through Hollow's Nests like they're candy.

* * *

_

_ I meet Ichigo Kurosaki. _

_My story begins here._

_

* * *

_

So, thoughts are nice, yes.

I don't like how I had to do the last part. I didn't want to separate them with those lines, but my computer wouldn't comply any other way, and I suppose that's just for appearance. But whatever.

_Thanks.  
_


	28. Bête Noire

**A/N:** This chapter just suddenly came at me. Well, I wrote the first part like... two days ago? And I was stuck. But I chilled out all day at my pool, and I just had one of those beautiful moments where everything is clear. Not really. But here you go, chapter twenty-seven.

_Thanks, guys: _

**LogicOfFire, ****Shadowgouf, Eradona, Hitorijinsei3, Animelover1993, WeesnawMcGee, Shadow of a Broken Angel, Nightcat102, GaarasMyBoyzz, Nicky Eira, Mute Thoughts. **

_You lot are truly inspiring._

_**Oh:** And just, you know. A little btdubs. We're at 101 reviews. Seriously? I just may have a brain aneurysm. You know, no big deal. Just thought I'd tell you. BECAUSE I'M SO HAPPY!  
_

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

* * *

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veintisiete:**_

_"Bête Noire"_

_

* * *

_Live the glory;

Kill the pain

* * *

Her complexion was slowly returning to normal.

The skin on her face was that rosy peach color again, and the dark bags under her eyes were slowly fading. Her face was no longer marred with burns or scratches.

It was Hazumi again.

Or, almost. The skin on her forearms was slowly making progress. No more blisters, and not as ravaged, but they were still missing skin. Still pink and raw. The hole in her chest was, too, taking time to close, but it was closing.

So slowly.

The blood coating her all over had dissipated under Inoue's **Sōten Kisshun**, and the tears in her clothing had been patched up under the shield, as well. But Ichigo wouldn't tear his gaze away from her until he saw the first movements of her chest rising and falling; the sign of a normal, rhythmic breath. It took time, but when he first saw her chest move up in an inhalation, he let go of that breath he hadn't known he was holding. For those first few minutes under the shield, she hadn't been breathing. She'd truly looked finished.

He didn't even have to guess as to where she acquired such injuries; he knew she had fought Ulquiorra.

Even before Inoue mentioned it, and Grimmjow mocked her intelligence- her lack thereof, actually. He wanted to shake the girl by her shoulders and knock the stupidity right outa her skull. What had gone through her mind- something so horrible to force herself to engage Ulquiorra? But Inoue had answered that question, her soft voice shaking as she stared down at Hazumi's too still body.

_"She saw your defeat."_

It only took a few seconds for the teenager to comprehend this; that Hazumi had picked up where he had failed. She had to clean up behind him. And look where she ended up- because he wasn't strong enough.

She had a _fucking_ hole in her chest.

She wasn't moving.

She was barely breathing.

It struck him then- he could have really lost her. She could have really died. Died, as in gone for good_._ Swallowing, tawny eyes glanced at the girl one last time before turning, gripping the hilt of his zanpakutou. Already having reassured both Nel and Inoue, Ichigo addressed the sexta Espada, expression hardening.

"We should settle this somewhere else, Grimmjow."

Blue eyes only stared at him before taking off, Ichigo following not far behind. One persistent thought haunting his mind, his one purpose for his taking part in this fight.

_Protect them both. _

Yet Hazumi's face was the one that kept appearing in his mind.

* * *

"Shihoin-san… Urahara-san…"

Mon's coral eyes blinked as her mouth formed a little 'O' in surprise. Her hand was on the back of Barry's wooden chair, and she had turned to face her two seniors, quite shocked that they of all people would show up. But Barry just rubbed the back of her head, messing up her hair like always before heaving herself up lethargically, discarding her stubbed cigarette.

Turning slowly, "I wasn't expecting you two so soon."

Urahara stepped closer to the lazy woman, while Yoruichi glanced around, noting with a wry smile nothing other than Barry's explosives. Of course they would be in plain sight, and of course they would all be complete. Her place was a mess, too. This was also expected from the artisan. But Yoruichi's lips slipped as she remembered why they were there, and to whom they were speaking.

_Thirty lives…_

Urahara slightly tipped his hat, "It seems the situation has expedited exponentially, Nguyen-san."

Barry nodded absently, moving towards her workplace to grab another cigarette, plucking it from the pack and stuffing it in her mouth, lighting up in a smooth movement.

Urahara continued, "How is Hosyu-san?"

"Alive."

"Awake?"

A long exhale, followed by an even longer inhale. "I'd imagine you would know without asking."

The blonde's shoes clacked against the concrete flooring as he moved, stopping in front of one of Barry's many arched windows. He took a long look before sighing, "This is quite the sight of the city, Nguyen—"

"Let's not pretend, Kisuke."

At this, dark blues shut slowly, while olives stared straight at him. Yoruichi had busied herself by one of the tables which had been buried under all sorts of explosives, and Mon had seated herself at the bar, silent. It slowly became tense in the dull warehouse. They were all more or less thinking the same thing.

Noticing Urahara wouldn't speak first, Barry did. "I get that allying yourself with a murderer is a little sickening in some cases, but let's try to be mature adults here. I'm aware of your discomfort, but let's just make this as painless as possible."

Over at the bar, Mon winced at her harsh words.

"Is that what you think?" It was Yoruichi who stepped in, arms crossed, mouth a taut line.

Barry turned her head towards the dark-skinned woman, expression clean.

Yoruichi narrowed her golden eyes, "You should know us better than that, Barry."

Said artisan plucked her cigarette from her lips, holding it between her fingers.

Exhaling a cloud of noxious smoke, "I do not mistake respect for friendliness, Shihoin. It's you who needs to rethink things."

Yoruichi stayed silent, gazing at Barry as she tapped the ashes away from her cancer stick. Sighing, the navy-haired Einstein tossed the still-burning cigarette over her should, rubbing her eyes with her palms. From the counter, Mon gripped a scotch glass tightly in her hand, narrowing her pink eyes. She hated the static in the air. Barry was never this tense; she hadn't felt this pressured in a long while.

And _everyone_ was going to be like this.

Voicing her thoughts, "Was it really a smart idea, letting Hazumi wander into Hueco Mundo rather than staying here to back the artificial Karakura AND Barry and me…?"

Mon's question caused a rather stunned silence from her three seniors, each one reacting differently. Barry just turned her head, Yoruichi frowning, and Urahara sighing. Now spoken, it seemed like a better idea for Hazumi to have just stayed put. It would have provided more defense in Karakura, and a buffer between Soul Society and Barry- a criminal, and Mon, exiled.

"We can all agree there was no stopping her from leaving."

Yoruichi nodded at the explosives whiz, while Urahara stayed silent.

Mon, however, did not see this. "Why?"

"Simple, **Egao-san**. Kurosaki is in Hueco Mundo. Hazumi would have followed him anywhere. If I did not lend her my assistance, she would have found a way." Urahara had turned to Mon, not only explaining, but even addressing her by her official title. The one she went by in Seireitei, which was written on records.

Egao Monaco had been exiled from Seireitei when she joined Barry Nguyen.

Mon had abandoned that name along with any connection she felt towards Seireitei.

She hated it. And she hated this situation.

From across the room, Barry sighed, tired.

But Mon wasn't out yet, "We could have kept her here if we really wanted to- which we should have."

"Are you afraid of Soul Society's militants, Monaco?"

Coral cut to gold, narrowing in anger.

The small girl didn't like the sound of that. "What are you implying, Yoruichi? Of course I'm not. I'm just saying it probably would have been a lot smoother if Hazumi stayed."

"Unfortunately, not everything in life is easy, Egao-san."

"Would you stop calling me that, Urahara?"

"Shut the fuck up, all of you. Chrissake, you're giving me a fucking migraine with your shouting, Mon."

Blinking, Mon quickly shut her mouth, eyes finding Barry, who was pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. She had moved again, standing with her back to everyone, watching the rain come down at the window. Yoruichi and Urahara complied with her wish, closing their mouths. It was, after all, her warehouse.

Her house.

The only sounds that could be heard were the _splats_ against glass, the harsh rain beating everything.

After a long silence, "Everything's so fucking tense. But in times of crisis, we don't need to act like unorganized toddlers, now do we?"

The lazy craftswoman turned to her three companions, her pale face blank.

"These strained vibes I'm getting from you lot tells me this might be the end. And I say, 'Okay. It's the end.'"

Silence.

She turned back around.

"If we're going down, we all might as well go down together."

* * *

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a glowing orange shield right above my nose.

Second, I felt like I was being suffocated. Like I was being smothered with a paper bag over my head or some sadistic crap like that.

So I was a little scared.

My hands automatically flew up, palms against the glowing barrier, my black eyes scrunching. I felt like I was in a tiny box, and it was just getting smaller and smaller. My expression pinched from the uncomfortable and threatening feeling, but next thing I know, there's this small _shattering _sound, and then the barrier's gone.

"Oh!"

Free. I inhaled a big gulp of oxygen, my chest heaving up and down really fast, my eyes flying open. Inoue kneeling just beside me, her hands outstretched like… they were above the barrier?

"Hazumi-san?"

I blinked, slowly gathering myself.

Finding my voice, "I-Inoue…?"

Her big grey eyes were staring back down at me, worried.

And then I remembered.

"_This ables me to kill you." _

_The crushing feeling inside of me, the inexplicable crunch of bones snapping, systems suddenly failing. The sight of a sword piercing my chest; the feeling of dying. _

_"Trash…" _

_Ichigo's face right there, hand gripping mine. _

_Darkness. _

"I'm alive…?" My voice sounded unsure and quite confused, reflecting exactly how I felt. I mean, I would think I had the right to be a little confused. There I was, having been stabbed for the umpteenth- really third, I'm pretty sure- time in my life, and suddenly I'm breathing again? Either I was really lucky, or I had someone upstairs lookin' after me, havin' a full time job up there.

I saw Inoue nod above me, over and over, a shaky smile gracing her lips. Her eyes started to water, and that had my eyes widening. I shot up, waving my hands in front of me, frantic. "No no no! Don't cry! See? I'm fine! Really! You did awesome!"

She ran a finger under her eye, coughing a watery chuckle at my panic.

I just exhaled in relief as I saw the water abate, until her eyes were just shining.

Shooting her a cautious smile, "Thanks, Inoue. I guess I owe you a big one."

The girl just blinked at me before rubbing the back of her head, "Oh! No, you don't. Really. It's okay! I mean… you were… dying. It was instinct."

Nodding, my hands went to my face, rubbing it

-and feeling nothing.

I froze, my hands stilling on my face. Smooth face.

"Is something wrong, Hazumi-san…?"

Slowly, I brought my hands back, shaking. Glancing around, I saw my zanpakutou lying just feet away, and I reached for it, bringing the blade right in front of my face. Using the shining metal as a mirror. I didn't know what to say when I saw my reflection. I didn't know what to think. Obviously Inoue had healed me, but it didn't even cross my mind that… my burns would disappear as well. But as I stared back at the girl in the reflection, I felt a shaky smile curl my lips, and I looked at Inoue.

My palm back on my cheek, "You…"

She seemed to catch on. She smiled.

I just offered an incredulous grin, swallowing. "Incredible…"

"Oh Hazumi-san…"

"Thank you…" She waved it off as no big deal. But it was a big deal to me.

But then something struck me. "Where's Kurosaki?"

She blinked at my sudden change of topic, but then her expression fell, just a bit.

And in that moment, she didn't have to say it.

"ZUMMMIII!"

_"UHCGH!" _

"Zumi I thoughts dat you were a goner!"

"Mmmf!"

"I was so sads, Zumi!"

_"MMMMMFF!"_

"Why won'ts you answer Nel, Zumi?"

That's right. Nel had tackled me, and was now residing on my face. Of course I couldn't answer her. But finally I gripped her arms, lifting her off of me so I could breathe. Gasping, I shot her a look. She just grinned, all childlike and innocent.

"Hazumi-san…" I heard the sounds of swords clanging not too far off. The sound of a building crumbling under impact, and more raved speaking. With a small frown, I pushed myself into a standing position, wincing.

Inoue was fluttering at my side. "You shouldn't be standing just yet! I haven't finished…!"

I coughed a laugh, "It's okay, Inoue. You've done enough for me."

Something in my voice had her stopping, staring at me. Quieting down.

I quirked my lips, "I came here to save you, after all. But you ended up saving my ass. So thanks. But," I paused, rubbing a particularly sore part of my abdomen, "I think it's time to do my job."

She just stared at me, her grey eyes slightly wider now.

And I felt something in the background. And I heard it.

"Wait, Grimmjow!"

**"Gran Rey Cero!"**

And then I saw it coming straight for us. My black eyes expanding, reacting as fast as I could. Grabbing hold of Inoue, stabbing my zanpakutou into the stone at our feet, making sure Nel was right beside us. It all happened so fast. I was so sure the attack was right there

-and then it just stopped. Not even a few yards before us. The strong gust of wind blew my hair, had me grunting with the strain of standing and erecting a barrier in such short notice. But it was all unnecessary.

Because Ichigo was right there, having fended it off for us.

The cobalt barrier I made around us shook, and then it fell when I canceled the flow of energy.

Hurt like a bitch, too.

"Kuro…Kurosaki…kun…?"

I grabbed the hilt of my sword, gritting my teeth as I wedged it out of the cement ground, stumbling back as it came free.

"Freakin' zanpakutou…" I jammed Kuria-Dei in her sheath, which had also been lying on the ground, conveniently enough. And when my gaze lifted to see what was goin' down, my hand froze on the sheath.

_That fucking mask again._

Inoue was frozen in front of me. My reaction was mild compared to hers. After all, I had seen it before. I had been there when he trained. But I still didn't like it. Then, he was apologizing. "Sorry. Are you scared?"

I didn't know what to do.

"I suppose telling you to be at ease in this shape would be a bit difficult."

I found this statement false. Because with that mask, he was stronger. Wouldn't being stronger put us at ease…?

"But please allow me to say it. Be at ease. Because… I'm going to end this as soon as possible."

I felt a multitude of things at that moment. The emotions just flew right at me, so freely, too. I felt Inoue's fear and anxiety, Nel's fear for Ichigo, Grimmjow's insanity and lust for blood. And Ichigo's concern.

_**Releasing me comes with its own repercussions, Hazumi.**_

Well great. Was I more sensitive now than before?

Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose, falling back on a piece of rubble behind me. I just needed to sit for a few moments. Leaning forward, I put my face in my hands, ignoring my surroundings. Just trying to gather myself. After all, I almost died. You would think I would be granted at least some time to fix my thoughts.

But no, someone upstairs most likely thought that idea as ludicrous, because the next words I heard had me going rigid.

**"Grind, Pantera!" **

The power emitting from Grimmjow was colossal. I was glad I was sitting, because my legs probably wouldn't have held me up.

_**Let me finish Inoue's job.**_

Kuria-Dei wanted to heal me, and that seemed like a pretty okay idea. It had me wondering why Inoue didn't finish, and why did I feel as if I were suffocating under her power?

"Okay, Dei. Chalk this up to desperation, okay? You're not always gonna get to heal me."

I didn't notice Inoue looking back at me, and Ichigo just glancing. I just concentrated on grabbing my genial zanpakutou and laying her across my lap, hands hovering over her thin blade. My arms were still pink from the burns. Tangible navy reiatsu emitted from my hands, swirling around Dei's blade. I bit my lip in concentration, furrowing my brows.

In front of me, Ichigo addressed Inoue. "Inoue… right now, surround yourself, Nel, and Hazumi with Santen Kesshun. Don't lower it for a moment."

Yeah, I didn't hear any of this. So when the fight picked up again, I felt something approaching me, stopping right at my feet. Diverting its course, and wrapping around, effectively cutting me off.

"Hazumi-san!"

Blinking, I lifted my gaze to see Inoue's orange shield again, except I was on the outside.

Right on the outside, actually.

_Huh. _

"Uhm…"

_**I don't like her power.**_

"I don't know what's happening…"

Inoue was giving me a weird look, but I could only shrug.

Reaching my hand towards her barrier, I flinched as I made contact, jerking back.

It burned…

_**Don't make the flames return. I don't like it.**_

_Dei…?_

_**Our power and hers are somewhat alike, Hazumi.**_

Uhh…

"Hazumi-san… I can't… reach out to you…" The teenager's face was pinched, her hands fisting in effort. But her barrier wasn't moving any. I was still on the outside. And I wanted it to stay that way, too. God knows why; Kuria-Dei's influence, no doubt. Closing my eyes, I put my face in my hands again, sighing. "You can stop, Inoue. It's okay."

"I don't… understand." Her voice was shaking, confused and scared.

"Kuria-Dei doesn't like your power, apparently."

I know that confused the fuck out of her. It did for me, too.

_**Her power is rejecting occurrences. Ours is neutralizing, more or less. The two don't mix well.**_

Oh. Okay.

That made a little more sense.

"Kuria… Dei?"

Raising inky orbs, I looked beyond her, towards the conflict between Ichigo and Grimmjow. It was escalating, very quickly.

"My zanpakutou. She tells me our powers don't mix well. I'm not really sure what the deal is. But you can stop trying; it's not going to work. I'll be fine."

I actually didn't know if this statement was true. But it wasn't like this was the first time I told a little white lie.

Slowly the girl nodded, pulling her shield back so it surrounded just her and Nel. My gaze was on the fight again, though. And so was Inoue's. She was scared again. Her fear was rising with each _clang _in the distance.

Until the sounds weren't in the distance at all.

They were right there.

_Thunk!_

_"HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!" _

Cursing up a storm, I breathed out of my nose, gritting my teeth. Wrenching something out of my shoulder, I shuddered in a breath, coughing. The spear-like object evaporated into the air, and I realized it was just a shot of energy.

A _blue_ shot of energy.

Like an explosive dart or something.

"Fuckin Grimmjow!" Hand gripping the hollow of my shoulder, my gaze snapped up, practically breathing fire.

My hard eyes connected with yellow irises.

A white mask. A skeletal, white mask. There was blood on it. And he was breathing heavily. I saw smoke behind him, and I realized Ichigo had been hit by several more spears than I had. One just happened to slip by him and pierce me.

His yellow eyes looked at me, no expression. Muttering under my breath, I decided to take the high road, shooting the boy a thumbs up, giving him the okay.

And he was gone.

Feeling Kuria-Dei's restlessness, I shot her a glare, "Shut up, you."

So what if I sounded crazy? I bet everyone at some point in their life has spoken to an inanimate object.

"Kurosaki-kun…"

Inoue's faintheartedness was overwhelming. Her soft voice was ringing in my ears, throwing off my composure. Not like I had much to begin with, though. But her trembling hands and shrunken form had me sighing, shaking off my annoyance and wounds.

"It's okay to fear it, you know."

There was a sizzling sound coming from my shoulder, telling me my zanpakutou was working her magic. This enabled me to slowly make my way to my feet, only wincing. Sheathing Dei, I took a few steps forward, around Inoue's shield, walking past her.

I stopped at the edge of the pillar, seating myself so my legs were hanging off the edge. I folded my hands over my lap, talking just to talk. "Just don't forget who he is."

I didn't see the girl's eyes widen from behind me, nor did I see her face slowly soften. Her eyes looking down, her hands folding. I didn't know her thoughts, either. I just felt her emotions. Yes, fear. But also there was sorrow and helplessness. That I could relate to. I felt helpless as I watched Ichigo down there.

"You ever heard the Serenity Prayer, Inoue?"

"N-no…"

Slowly closing my eyes, I played back to my days in rehab. Father Eli would recite all this stuff- I would think it as bullshit if he were alive today to tell me, but back then I believed it.

Maybe I could still believe. My mouth was forming the words, only from memory, "God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

I didn't feel any different. I covered my face with my hands, leaning forward.

Expression falling, I swallowed thickly. "Just don't forget who he is. It's just Ichigo. He's here fighting for you. Don't go doubting him now."

I was doubting him, but for all the wrong reasons. For selfish reasons. He had come running after Inoue, yet not me. But he had… kissed me. Yet he hadn't come to help me in the Hollow's Nest.

Why was I thinking about this now?

_BOOM! _

The sudden impact tore me out of my stupid thoughts, and my gaze flew down, where Ichigo stood, hunched over. And Grimmjow, that sick grin on his face. My eyes widened as I saw… the sub shinigami was so tired.

So thrashed.

All this time… I had been lost in my thoughts.

I hadn't even been concentrating on his struggle.

Grimmjow was flying at him-!

_NO! _

"Don't die…"

He couldn't… "Please…"

Grimmjow was poised to kill.

Ichigo… I had to do it.

* * *

It happened in a fast sequence. I could barely process what I did, actually. I'm sure nobody else could really see what I did until it was done, too. I remember jumping off the pillar as I unsheathed Kuria-Dei, doing something so crazy that I hadn't even thought it possible.

**"Bachi no Seken!"**

And in the same breath, **"Bakudo 61: Rikujōkōrō!"**

I landed right between the two, locking eyes with Grimmjow. Seeing him frozen by those six yellow rods from my Bakudo spell. But they wouldn't hold him; I knew that. In a swift movement, I pointed the black orb atop of my staff straight at his glowering face, my dark eyes voids, **"****Neutralización**** Oscura." (1)**

Impure tendrils eagerly darted from the black orb, searching greedily for something to latch onto. Finding Grimmjow, one by one the thick helixes pierced his skin, latching on like parasites. His roars were nothing in my ears.

**"Oscuridad Absoluta." (2) **

He was thrown back from the force of my wrenching the tendrils out of his skin, leaking blood. A good distance away, I heard his contrived breathing, full of rage. "YOU BIT—"

He was engulfed in a black explosion.

I only watched as it set off, my black eyes reflecting the dark bomb. Just black flames, black smoke. So thick and obscured. Like my eyes. Like the source of my power.

My eyes lowered to the black orb, swallowing.

I had to tear my gaze away, grip tightening on my staff. Turning my head slightly, I met yellow irises. After my little display, after that feeling of desperation and… blackness, I didn't feel anxiety when looking at that mask. It felt familiar.

My lips were moving, my brows pulled, "Fuckin' idiot."

And I smacked him upside the head.

"Argh! What the?"

"You're an idiot, you know that? You're giving Inoue a heart attack up there! You're killing me, kid!"

He didn't say anything.

I shook my head; face scrunching, "Get your act together. You… You looked like you were going to die!"

I threw my staff into the sand, expressing with my hands, black eyes now shining with concern.

My voice was shaking, "Don't make me see that again, damnit! I can't!"

His eyes widened slightly, but I kept going. "I already saw you dead! I can't…!"

Movement.

I hit the sand with a dull _thunk_, the air knocked from my lungs.

Heavy breathing above me. "You… interferin… fuck."

A cero was charging right there.

I felt the heat on my face.

A fucking cero.

"I'LL KILL YER ASS!"

_Clang._

And the heat was gone.

"Sorry… Grimmjow."

My heartbeat was in my ears.

"But I can't allow you to do that."

Blood was in the air. It hit the sand beside me, staining it crimson.

"Move, Hazumi."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I flashed away in a heartbeat.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

I heard the hit before I heard Inoue's scream. I heard his flesh ripping. I whirled around, black eyes expanding when I saw Ichigo holding his stomach, Grimmjow wrenching his blood-coated hand back.

"What… the hell is with your eyes…" The sexta Espada's voice was shaking with anger. "They always look like that… No matter how much I beat the shit outa you. And then that fuckin' woman," here he threw his arm in my direction, rage flowing, "always intervenes! Even after I kick the shit outa you and her! It always seems like you still think you can beat me… like you still think you're stronger than me…!"

He bolted for the teenager. **"IT REALLY FUCKING PISSES ME OFF!"**

"ICHIGO!"

Grimmjow was brutal with his blows. It seemed each one could end it.

"Oh my God…"

**"Desgarrón." **

These blue claw marks just appeared out of thin air. Like his energy just solidified from the end of each of his fingers. The reiatsu was crushing. And they were just going at Ichigo, relentless, hit after hit after hit. Until Ichigo couldn't take it. He was slashed by these barbarous attacks, one after another.

**"I AM THE KING!"**

I was screaming now, desperate and afraid.

"ICHIGO!"

_**Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.**_

I heard Dei's voice, but it wasn't right.

It was echoing.

And by the sudden kickoff in the air, something in my heart told me Ichigo had heard Kuria-Dei's soft prayer. Because I heard his words from my spot on the ground, and I saw everything. I saw how the strength returned to him, and his words were much more threatening.

"Just like you said… I came to Hueco Mundo to fight you. **I came here to defeat you, Grimmjow!** **I will defeat you!**"

His voice was rising, his energy was escalating. "I will defeat Ulquiorra! I will defeat Aizen! And then I'll take Rukia! Chad! Ishida! Renji! Inoue! **Hazumi… I'LL BRING THEM ALL BACK!**"

He was right at Grimmjow, "You're just one person! **I CANNOT BE BEATEN BY YOU GRIMMJOW!**"

Blood was in the air. Falling like a shower.

It was over.

Grimmjow's body hit the dirt.

Ichigo was in front of Inoue, speaking.

Slowly my feet were moving towards Grimmjow's still form. My zanpakutou was beside him. I stood over him for a few seconds, my lips tipped in a deep frown. Reaching down for my zanpakutou, I grabbed the staff

-going rigid when I felt a grip on my wrist.

"You… bitch…"

I tried to shake off his grip, but to no avail. I had to resort to kicking the damn guy right in the gut, even if it was against my morals to kick a man while he was down. He was just so fucking persistent. I skidded back some, gripping _Bachi no Seken_ as the sexta Espada slowly rose, face twisted in rage. He was about to come straight at me; he was readying himself.

But someone stepped slightly in front of me, holding out his sword.

"Ichigo…" He was all beaten up, and yet he was going to keep on. He only glanced at me through the corner of his eye, and something about the way I looked had his eyes tightening, returning to the struggling Espada. He had reverted back to his normal, preleased state.

"Grimmjow…"

The malicious man was just standing there, panting. So angry.

Spiteful.

"Like I'd lose… there's no… way in hell… **I'D EVER LOSE TO SOMEONE LIKE YOU!"**

Ichigo stepped forward just as Grimmjow came at us, taking charge. I watched him toss his sword aside, talking to the Espada. Grabbing his arm so his sword was frozen.

"… Stop already, Grimmjow."

But it didn't look like he was going to.

"…You've lost."

Blood was oozing from the man's wounds. Splashing onto the ground.

"I don't know whether you're a king or not… but crushing those who piss you off… and being the king by yourself… where's the enjoyment in that?"

If I didn't hate the Espada so much, this might have been difficult to watch. But I was savoring his pain.

I wanted him to hurt.

Ichigo was just being merciful.

"If I really piss you off that much, if Hazumi really pisses you off _that_ much, I'll fight for the both of us all you want. But for now… just stop already!"

In a quick movement, Grimmjow flicked his arm away, shouting, "Fuck you! You're…!"

And we all watched in horror as a particularly brutal hit from a massive scythe shut his fucking mouth. Blood everywhere. Ichigo's gaze followed Grimmjow's body, but I wasn't concerned about him anymore.

My gaze trailed to where the colossal weapon came from, where the new arrival stood, tall and intimidating.

"What a bad loser…"

My heart stopped as I saw the man's sick grin.

His towering weapon in his hand, carelessly held with _just one hand_.

"Hurry up and die already."

His twisted grin.

_"The shinigami are mine."_

* * *

**(1)** Dark Neutralization

**(2) **Absolute Darkness

You know what to do. You click that review button. You do that, man. Stick it to the man. By reviewing my story. You're a total badass if you do. Just sayin'...

**Oh and:** I didn't add Inoue's little scene with Ichigo. Where she tells him to not die and all that nice stuff. Because, well, it would have hurt my feelings because I didn't have anything to write there. It wouldn't have been right, I think. So, sorry if you're disappointed.


	29. Let the Havoc Ensue

**A/N:** This chapter has multiple themes throughout it. I suggest you read carefully. Towards the very end is more desperation and hysteria than anything. And I'm prepared to face criticism for this chapter. I think it's necessary. I'm just not sure where to begin. So have fun with it.

Also, you should check out my poll.

And, if you would like a soundtrack for this:

**Outland **-Celldweller

**Ursa Minor (Neutron Mix)** -Celldweller

**Stay Still** - Blessthefall

**Why Can't You See** - Saosin

* * *

_Thanks, guys:_

**Hitorijinsei3, Animelover1993, Shadow of a Broken Angel, LogicOfFire, GaarasMyBoyzz, Azulish, Eklipt.**

_You're pretty rad, you know that?_

_And to those who alert or favorite me: Thanks a bunch. You're pretty groovy, too._

_Or if you just read this. You're cool.  
_

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veintiocho:**_

_"Let the Havoc Ensue"_

_**

* * *

**_

Some day

One day

I will

Be able to

Look at you and

Say those words

Maybe

I need you

Too.

* * *

**( H A Z U M I )**

"An Espada…"

The sick fuck was slowly stepping towards us, a thousand watt grin darkening his features with malicious intent. He was a gangly guy, and that full-toothed grin didn't really accentuate his _good_ looks. Actually… it kinda made him look like some kind of predator.

"…Who… are you?" Ichigo spoke from my side, tension cutting through his words.

The man didn't stop walking, didn't stop with that stupid grin.

"I said, who are you! Answer me!"

Ever so slowly my hand inched upwards on my staff, my eyes never leaving the man's form. He was about to move for real; I could feel the accumulation of his power. My hand was closer to the black orb atop my staff, but I couldn't quite reach it without drawing attention. My staff was about a foot or two taller than me, so I would have had to reach for it.

From behind us, "…Noi…tra? …You bastard…"

And the creep's response, "What the fuck? You're still alive?"

And his movement. From the corner of my eye I saw Ichigo's taut shoulders, telling me he was going to move.

I did not let this happen. "Kurosaki, what do you think…" My hand was on his arm- the one with his sword in his hand. He shot his wide, tawny eyes my way, but I did not return his look. "You're doing…?"

The Espada was right there, not three feet from us. He was going for Grimmjow- he was going to deliver the final blow. I could see all of this as it happened, like I was watching a slower version of it through someone else's eyes. I would later come to realize I was seeing this through Kuria-Dei's eyes as she controlled _Bachi no Seken_ for me.

The new Espada's scythe never had the chance to sever Grimmjow's flesh; no more blood had spilled from his swipe.

Because surrounding Grimmjow was a cobalt barrier- overtaken by black. The tendrils shooting out from my black sphere, deflecting the colossal weapon. My power was coming out a dusky-blue now. Overridden with an onyx shade.

"…Ah?"

I hadn't moved from my spot, nor Ichigo.

I hadn't let him move. My grip on his arm had tightened, rendering his attempt to block the Espada's sword useless. Said black-haired Espada jumped back a ways, eyes cutting over to us. From beside me, I didn't even have to look to know Kurosaki was surprised. Not only shocked at my sudden intervention, but with the weapon in my hand. I knew he hadn't known about my Bankai. Not even a handful of people were aware I could it release, actually.

"What the hell…"

Slowly, I released the ginger's arm, dropping mine by my side. Hand gripping my staff, I found my feet moving me forward.

"Do you think you're doing?"

The Espada's eyes were narrowed, landing on my form. So I found myself responding, like a normal conversation, "Why the fuck would you attack someone who can't even move?"

The man barked a venomous laugh, bringing up his weapon yet again. His beady eyes glowered at Grimmjow's fallen body.

"I can't stand the sight of you, Grimmjow! God damn!" Each word that flew out of his mouth had my patience wearing thin. "Losing to the enemy, and then having your life saved by them!" He was grating my last nerves. His black eyes resting on me again, "What's your name, shinigami?"

His footsteps were soft _thunks_ in the sand as he approached me.

"Hazumi…" Ichigo was stepping forward as well, trying to move to stand in front of me.

_Protect..._

Shooting him a look over my shoulder, I made the boy stop right in his tracks, watching his expression slowly morph with shock. His tawny eyes expanding upon searching my face, rigid.

"Stay behind me, Ichigo."

He watched my expression darken, my hand on _Bachi no Seken _clenching.

"Let me…" My eyes connected with his, creating something that came between us in that moment.

My eyes reflected nothing.

"Let me help you this time."

He didn't move, didn't say anything. I took that as an okay. My head slowly turning back to the Espada, I wasn't quite sure if Ichigo heard my last words or not. I didn't stick around to find out.

_"I will show you that a heart can never fail."_

_

* * *

_

**( T H I R D P O V )**

Ichigo watched her back, her blonde hair- now free of the up-do from earlier- dancing around her back, her taut shoulders and rigid spine accentuating her tension. Her hand never relenting on its grip on that golden pole, her bare feet digging themselves into the sand. Her healed arms flexed in anticipation.

Her reiatsu, amassing at a rapid pace, now different than it had been before. Now a shade heavier, graver.

Her voice barely there, _"I will show you that a heart can never fail."_

And then she took off, straight for the Espada.

It was a surprise to him that she could fight after what she had endured with Ulquiorra. It also came as a surprise that Hazumi had the ability to release Bankai. Just everything about her was… surprising- due to recent events. She was an entirely different person now that she was in Hueco Mundo.

Her attitude- strictly business, and her emotions, so powerful. It was like he didn't know her at all, like he was seeing her fight for the first time. This woman before him was a different person entirely. She was motivated; the Hazumi he knew lacked that motivation. There was a sharp edge to every one of her movements, a cutthroat presence that hadn't been there before.

_Bachi no Seken…_

Her zanpakutou- Curse of this World. Somehow, Ichigo could sense to origin of Hazumi's new power. It was that orb centered on the top of her staff.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Inoue came running up beside the boy, grey eyes wide with concern.

"Daijoubu desu ka?"

His gaze was still following the Fuku Kidocho's movements, each jab with her staff and swift block with her arms more lethal than the last.

"I'm fine, Inoue."

Inoue looked at his face, saw his brows furrowing, and followed his gaze, her eyes landing on Hazumi's moving form.

"Hazumi-san…"

_Thank you, Inoue… But it's time I did my job now._

"She won't be able to keep on like this." Ichigo's eyes were glued to Hazumi's panting form, her narrowed black eyes.

Why did she insist on continuing?

"She cares about you, Kurosaki-kun."

Blinking, Ichigo turned to the shorter ginger, "Nani?"

Inoue just proffered a small smile, nodding. Her unspoken words rattling her brain.

_I saw her… that night. She said goodbye to you just as I did, Kurosaki-kun. _

_She… loves you._

Turning her gaze to where Hazumi was fighting, she mustered up the strength to speak. She liked Hazumi; she thought she was an unbelievably strong woman. And she knew how to make people feel better. She couldn't hold the fact that Ichigo cared for Hazumi more than herself against the Fuku Kidocho. It wasn't in Inoue's nature to begrudge.

"Didn't you see the way she jumped in to save you? And how she… took this fight for her own? She doesn't want to see you hurt. We both don't want you to hurt anymore…" Her voice got smaller with each word, while Ichigo's eyes softened as she continued. "She… has a strong fondness towards you. It's easy to see, seeing she's so… rough around the edges."

_**I agree with this statement wholeheartedly, Kurosaki-san.**_

Ichigo blinked at the sudden voice, alarmed. Even more rattled when he noticed… everything was frozen…? Things went still, his surroundings totally freezing up. He blinked a few times, confused.

That was, until he himself started feeling cold.

And then he was pulled under.

* * *

_**You look like you've seen a ghost, Kurosaki-san.**_

That voice… was so familiar to him.

_**I'm standing right here, nitwit.**_

And then she was. A woman with jet-black hair and piercing blue eyes stood right in front of the stunned teenager, wearing that simple white kimono like always. She folded her hands behind her back, glancing around with a blank expression.

_**I apologize for the sudden change in surroundings, but I never wanted to have to go there… Las Noches and Hueco Mundo. It's as unappealing as the stories say.**_

Ichigo's brows furrowed, taking the chance to glance around. The woman had good reason to apologize, indeed. There Ichigo stood, on some rickety looking dock- God knows how old it was. And it was raining, thunderstorming actually. The vast ocean was below him, around him, and waves crashed against the wooden dock with ferocity. This harbor was in the middle of the sea; nothing else was in sight. Just the storm clouds above, the rain pounding down in sheets.

Turning to the woman, "Where...?"

The ghostly woman sighed, rolling her eyes to the distance, landing on… water.

Dark, violent water.

_**Welcome to the world...**_

The cold water splashed the teenager's face, making his brown orbs scrunch.

The smell of salt was pungent in the air, almost palpable.

_**...In which Hazumi presides. **_

So slowly the boy's eyes widened, his face lifting to express his shock. Turning his head, he only caught sight of the dark water, each wave thrashing the pier more violently than the last.

Watching the boy's expression morph with emotion, Kuria-Dei laced her fingers.

_**I guess you could say her subconscious. You shouldn't be that surprised; she's done the same to you.**_

Quite frankly, Ichigo was at a loss for words. But he had to shake it off; he wanted to know what the hell was going on. The ginger set his jaw, furrowing his brows. "What am I doing here?"

The boy watched Kuria-Dei step towards the dock's edge, her bare feet sliding against the soggy wooden planks.

Inhaling deeply, _**You two… think so alike. It's rather unnerving. **_

"I don't understand what this has to do with anything."

In a flash the zanpakutou spirit whirled on the boy, her pale face scrunching.

_**You stupid boy, it has everything to do with everything. I can hear your thoughts. I can hear you questioning Hazumi's motives. You say, '"Why is she forcing herself to fight?" And I says she's fighting so you don't have to, can't you see? She's…**_

Here the zanpakutou spirit put her hands in her hair, rubbing the back of her head. A silence ensued the ghost's words, Ichigo just watching her back until she would speak again. And she did.

_**I can see how sometimes she gets exasperated with you. You really don't know anything, huh…**_

A sudden tick mark formed on the ginger's head, and he shut his eyes in exasperation.

Gritting his teeth, "I can see how you're her _other_ half…"

_**Do you know why Hazumi came to Hueco Mundo, Kurosaki? **_

This had Ichigo opening his mouth to respond, shutting it seconds later.

Speaking hesitantly, "To save Inoue..."

The spirit had turned, and now held Ichigo's gaze, unwavering.

She wanted him to understand the significance of why she had pulled him there.

_**No, Ichigo. That is not why she expedited the healing process of her burns. That is not why she used me to the point of exhaustion to enable herself to move. That is not why she went against Soul Society's orders and did not stay in the Living World. And that is not why... she left her brother half-dead in the Living World. **_

_**To save Inoue... is your reasoning. **_

_**She came with one sole fear, and that one fear is her driving force, now. Judging by your expression, it seems you're finally catching on. She didn't come with Inoue's well-being in mind. **_

_**She came because she was afraid that you would not return alive.**_

Kuria-Dei watched Ichigo's face, how each word set in. How confusion had settled, and then maybe a tinge of acceptance.

And then there it was.

Realization.

_**Ah, seems you got it now. **_

She turned back to the ocean, _**Now get lost.**_

Incredulous pause, "Nani? You can't just drop that on me and then leave me hanging!"

_**What? You want to know more? Go ask her. She'll probably chew me out for revealing this anyways. **_

"What do you expect me to do?"

A long pause.

_**Her legs are shaking, Kurosaki. You have to decide what to do with this knowledge.**_

Tawny eyes flew to the black sky, mouth tipped in a deep frown.

His voice softer now, "One more question."

He could feel himself fading from the pier. Everything was greying.

_**What is it?**_

His eyes were glued to the sky, scrunching when the raindrops hit.

"Kuria-Dei **(1)**... and rain, aren't very complementary."

The ghostly woman cracked a small, wry smile.

Of course he would comment on this.

With a wistful glint in her eye, _**Ironic, ne?**_

But he was gone.

* * *

The teenager sat still a long while after that, adjusting to the present.

Adjusting to the sound and movement, the reiatsu. He had been thrown back just like that.

"Kurosaki-kun…?" Inoue was kneeling beside him, her orange **Sōten Kisshun** hovering above.

But Ichigo was adjusting to the fact that in that little meeting he had with that zanpakutou spirit, he learned more about Hazumi than she would ever say. She wasn't one to ramble about herself; you had to learn from experience.

**"You… bitch…!" **

The raging voice had the teenager's head snapping up, eyes landing on the two figures in conflict.

Hazumi's staff imbedded in the Espada's stomach. Her hunched, worn form wrenching the pole from the Espada in a slick slice, revealing a multitude of sharp blades on the end of her staff.

_**"I'LL MURDER YOU!" **_

A yellow light emitting from the black-haired Espada, and then…

A cero shot point blank at the blonde girl.

She didn't even have time to move.

Ichigo's desperate shout rattled Las Noches.

_"HAZUMI!"_

_-X-_

**(H a z u m i ****)**

The golden eruption of energy only made it about a meters length before an ear-shattering splinter ruptured a colossal fault line right smack dab in the center of the blast. You could only spot a black crack in the midst of the yellow explosion.

My quiet words were drowned out by the fissure, **"Chuuwa." **

And Nnoitra's cero fizzed, languidly evaporating before our eyes. Unhurriedly, I stepped back, my eyes never leaving the Espada's rigid form. He was panting, as was I.

"Espada..."

From yards away I felt Ichigo's and Inoue's astonishment. But my feelings, well; I felt a breach inside me. It wasn't anything overpowering or overwhelming. It wasn't as horrible as I had felt when Ulquiorra forced me to move; how I had forced myself to move after seeing Ichigo... not breathing. But one thing was for sure; I wasn't the same person upon arriving in Hueco Mundo.

And at the moment, my feelings didn't mean a thing.

"My power's original intent was never a destructive force."

There was a deep gash running horizontally across my face, and I felt the blood dripping down like waterfall. The bastard had gotten a sum of good hits with that extending weapon of his, and if I hadn't had experience with Renji's Zabimaru, I wouldn't have been fairing this well.

"But something about your whole _fucking_ lot has just got me inspired to snuff out every last one of you!"

He had a hand to his stomach, clenching it with a nasty grimace on his creepy face. I ran at him, feeling the intensity of auras around me. It was like they were with me; I didn't fight them. I was acting on them. So much that I had used _Chuuwa_- the attack that had murdered those three students back in the day. I hadn't even registered the fact that I had been using it. It just happened.

My staff came down on his axe-like weapon. My voice was rising as I got in his face, "What's the matter, Espada? I thought you said," shoving him away with a brutal advance, "that you had the strongest Hierro of all the Espada!"

Another blast.

Dust and dirt particles occupied the air as another crater formed in the ground.

_**Control yourself, Hazumi!**_

But I didn't listen to Kuria-Dei.

I was far beyond control at this point.

"Come on, Nnoitra Jiruga! Here I thought you were the _Quinta Espada!_"

A small bark of laughter. "Fuckin' woman. Like hell I'd release for a weakling like you," he was pushing back, exerting more force than he had before, **"I'll butcher your ass!" **

The static sound of Sonído.

He was behind me. I swung Kuria-Dei vertically, my arm spinning just in time to counter his sharp axe.

"Yeh got good reflexes, girl, I'll give ya that!"

Uttering a groan as he forced me back, I flew to the dirt- tucking and rolling just in time to escape his crescent-shaped axe.

_-X-_

**From the Sidelines:**

"How can... how can Hazumi do this...?"

Inoue's small voice was shaking, her big grey eyes shining with unshed tears. She didn't like this. She didn't want anymore fighting. She wanted everything to be okay; she wanted Hazumi to be okay. Ichigo's eyes never left the blonde's form as she rolled, brought up her zanpakutou to deflect. He didn't voice it, but he was wondering the exact same thing.

"I didn't... even heal her completely...!"

His head turning slightly, "Nani?"

Inoue nodded vigorously, lips trembling. "I couldn't! Her power neutralized mine, I think she said. But she... shouldn't be fighting! She's still hurt!"

And Ichigo's reaction, his fists clenching and his teeth gritting.

His heart constricting.

_Hazumi you idiot._

_-X-__  
_

**The Fight:**

I was being held down by those crescent-shaped blades, the slick metal just at my throat.

"You haven't uttered a word since earlier, girl. _Scream, Shinigami!_"

More pressure.

I coughed as the metal was forced against my throat, wincing when I felt the slight tear in skin.

"You were all talk, girl! A woman is always inferior! You should have known you could not defeat me!"

I still did not say anything. Like hell I would.

This guy was nuts.

His mad expression morphed with even more insanity, his black eyes darting to the left.

His voice a spiteful murmur.

_"I'd bet yer little friends would love... ta see you bleed. " _

He grinned maliciously as he continued, **"I'll make sure they go before you, shinigami!"**

He turned his head robotically, his crazed eyes glinting.

A cero charged on the tip of his tongue, and I followed his gaze, black eyes wide with panic.

Because Ichigo couldn't block that cero while under Inoue's **Sōten Kisshun**; he was still healing. And there was no way Inoue could do anything about it.

**"HAHAHA! DIE SHINIGAMI!" **

_"NO!" _

My surroundings, slow. Blurred. Screams morphed. My hearing, out of the picture. My vision doubling before my eyes.

_DO SOMETHING!_

_-X-_

Blood splashed down into the white sand, dripping like a broken faucet.

It raced from the wound, sliding down skin with celerity.

The golden explosion erupted, colliding with a strained, glassy barrier.

**"Bakudo 81: Danku." **

My breathing was forced and came out in raspy spurts. My lungs constricted tightly and caused my eyes to water, and my throat burned.

But I wasn't done. You couldn't be weak in war; this was it.

I had been preparing for the Winter War for quite some time, along with everyone else. The Hollow's Nest was my assumed part; and I had given my all for it. And now I was here. I couldn't be done.

"Hazumi...!"

I swallowed with difficulty, having trouble standing because my knees were shaking. But I stood, only a few feet in front of my friends. My hand was trembling as I brought it to my throat, uttering muted sounds of distress.

My throat had been slit.

Blood was pouring, sopping my neck with ruby. My shirt was wet with the warm, crimson substance.

But it was okay.

Kuria-Dei was making it okay for me.

_"Tch. Bitch just won't die." _

One thing I was really good at: **Survival. **

Ichigo saw the blood from behind me, how it splotched the ground.

"Hazumi!"

And he was up, scrambling from his spot on the ground. Right beside me.

_Desperation._

I was leaning against Kuria-Dei for support. I felt his gaze on my face as I looked at the ground, seeing the red dots soak in.

"It's already clotting..."

_Bewilderment._

"Yeah," I commented, my voice just a croak.

Moistening my lips, I shuddered in a breath. "What are... you doing up, you stupid boy? I'm insulted that you think... something like this... would finish me." And I looked up at him, black eyes wavering.

_My pride._

He was looking down at me, his face pained.

I spoke before he could, "This... isn't your fight, remember? I told you to let me... help you. Why can't you... just let me!"

_I wanted to help._

He was staring at me with that indiscernible expression again, waiting for me to finish. Well, he was going to have to wait some more. Slowly my feet moved forward, one at a time. "You don't have to... hurt anymore, dammit! Let me!"

_Please don't hurt anymore, Ichigo._

My blood spilled again. Kuria-Dei's effects weren't as strong as they had been before.

_Bachi no Seken _was in play now. And _Bachi no Seken's_ primal instinct was not to heal like Kuria-Dei's was.

_Bachi no Seken_ wanted destruction.

And I would give it to her.

_Delusion._

My voice was getting quieter with each word, for obvious reasons.

"Ichigo, you don't have to... worry about this..."

My lean frame quaked from a violent spurt of pain brought on by this laceration and my exhaustion, but I held my hand out in a stopping gesture when I heard him step forward.

"Because..."

Nnoitra was getting restless from the sudden hiatus in our fight, so I lifted my head to stare straight at him. My feet buried themselves in the sand once again, my black eyes tightening considerably.

"I am now in possession... of the very thing that ruined me..."

_Impetuosity._

The Quinta Espada flew at me, his eyes laced with hysteria and his expression the very definition of berserk. I just held _Bachi no Seken _out with a hard set to my jaw, my onyx orbs callous as stone.

And then I let go.

_**"CERO!" **_

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't found solid ground. I only watched the murky detonation fire from the small orb of my staff, fly straight at the Espada who had the most peculiar look of shock painted on his face.

_I was reaching for a phantom._

I saw the black tendrils twirl around the cero that fired from my zanpakutou.

**My cero.**

_I am a foolhardy girl_

_who has fallen in love with a harebrained boy.  
_

_

* * *

_

**(1) **Remember, means Clear Day.

**Your thoughts please.**_  
_


	30. Hazumi's Struggle

**A/N:** Well. Another chapter. It kinda brings Hazumi back down to earth. She's not all powerful, after all. No matter how much we all love her. Grr plotlines. And, the bit at the end: inspired by the song 'Fireflies' by Saosin.

_Thanks, guys:_

**Hitorijinsei3, **Me (Seriously a reviewer, not me _me_. Hah), **XxKuragari no KagexX, Shadow of a Broken Angel, Animelover1993, LogicOfFire, GaarasMyBoyzz, Nightcat102, Eklipt.**

_And all of you nonreviewers but readers and alerters and favoriters..._ _Much thanks goes to you as well.

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Veintinueve:**_

_"Hazumi's Struggle."  
_

_

* * *

_I am blissfully

Unaware of

Kuria-Dei's motives.

Her chat with

Ichigo

Is of no

Knowledge

To me.

And yet, of much

Consequence.

* * *

When I imagined deliverance, I imagined salvation.

I dreamed of the redemption I would never receive. The liberation that I could only build castles in the air with. I seemed to use that phrase a lot, castles in the air. But in itself, doesn't it seem like a liberating phrase?

I liked it.

Just as I had liked envisioning my freedom from sin; the unshackling of my wrong doings.

That was what I had in common with humans. That was one of the many humanistic traits I possessed. I wished for redemption just like any other devout follower would. Except I wasn't a devout follower; in fact, I was quite the opposite nowadays. While sometimes I tried so hard to cling of what little faith I had grasped in the past, other times I would scoff at the idea of a higher power and disparage, resorting to a reliable but bitter cynical nature.

Contempt is not something worth harboring for many years.

Sometimes when I look back on it, I wish I could still put my confidence in the unknown. Because no matter how much good I do for Seireitei now, no matter how much I try to make the right choices regarding my occupation, there's one thing that always gets to me.

I bet it eats at every Shinigami's conscience once in a blue moon.

_You keep what you kill._

* * *

Hands were grasping my shoulders tightly- an attempt to keep my body from colliding with the ground completely. My name was repetitively escaping someone's lips- an attempt to grab my attention. Maybe because my eyes had started glazing over, maybe because they were glued to the growing smoke in the distance.

Whatever the case, I wasn't blacking out.

I was just spacing out.

However, I was jerked from my blank reverie as a _splash_ sloshed on the ground, making the white sand clump with red. Ever so slowly my eyes trailed down, spotting a pool of crimson. My knees wobbled, and the grip tightened on my shoulders.

Guiding me into some sort of sitting position, kneeling beside me.

My mind was blank.

I didn't register my hands shaking- my whole physique trembling, really.

The clotted blood spurting from my throat had abated, and I felt someone putting pressure to it.

But it wasn't impeding the red liquid from seeping between fingers.

_"Inoue!" _

Hurried footsteps my way, shuddered breaths coming slowly now.

_"Hazumi! Stay with me!" _

And finally, I found my voice. "Stop... shouting in... my ear... dumbass."

Ichigo was the figure kneeling with me, supporting my frame. Adding pressure to my gashed throat. A shaky release of breath on his part, like almost-relief.

"I didn't know... cero?"

My shaking hands moved to the ground, trying to situate myself. Ichigo caught on, and slowly lowered my body so I was lying on the rough sand. My black eyes refocused as I stared up at the artificial sky. The dumb ginger was hovering over me, face gazing down at mine.

I blinked a few times upon seeing his torn expression. His brows were pulled, his lips curving in a deep frown. His eyes reflecting boatloads of concern.

_Huh. _

Opening my mouth to speak, it took me a few seconds to utter the words.

"It took time to manifest... and settle just right with _Seken no Bachi_; I guess she wanted... to add her own signature to the... attack."

"How the hell did you even come in possession of it?"

A wry smile touched my lips as they curled slyly, a small chuckle bubbling in my throat. "You could say... it was a gift from... _our favorite Espada_."

_Bachi no Seken_ had configured it to be her own. She had warped it to suit her style, and now it was mine. She had absorbed it completely and in turn, I now possessed my very own cero.

"You..." But Ichigo never got to finish. I watched his tawny eyes expand as the pressure in the air increased tenfold, how his head rotated to the origin of the physical force. How his hands fisted in the sand beside my head, and how fast his sword had been drawn.

**"That... bitch... will die!"**

I was looking up at Ichigo deflecting Nnoitra's colossal blade.

Burns coated the Espada's skin, and his stomach was gushing a profuse amount of blood. It had that sick little corner in my mind happy that he looked like hell. But then I remembered I probably did, too. 

_"Guh!"_

Kurosaki was being forced back; the Espada was bearing down on him like crazy. It was then that I realized Ichigo was nowhere near being healed. I mean, some of his scrapes and gashes had disappeared, true, but he was spent. He hadn't regained his energy yet, and I saw blood still on his robes.

Inoue's footsteps were almost at me now.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

That was, until that bitch Espada decided to call out to his Fracción.

_**"Tesla!" **_

The static of Sonído reached my ears, and the small _thud_ of feet stopping right beside my head had my heart pounding.

And a calm voice right above me. "Yes sir."

The tip of a sword right above my heart.

"Girl..."

The metal was touching fabric. 

_Am I..._

"Do not move..." 

_Going to die...?_

"Or your friend will die."

The footsteps stopped completely.

Choked sounds came from just feet away, and my head slowly turned to meet Inoue's frightened gaze. She was staring straight at me, her big grey eyes panicked.

I didn't know what my face expressed. I only closed my eyes slowly, seeing no solution to our sudden predicament. And upon stumbling to this revelation, I felt _Bachi no Seken_ lessen in her weighted presence, until she reverted back to just my normal zanpakutou.

"It seems you are finished, Shinigami."

Black was engulfing me. I mean, I expected it. My esophagus had been cut clean. Why had I stayed conscious so long, anyways? __

_**Because I've been doing the best I can with healing you. Please don't give up now. **_

__Oh, yeah. I guess that was plausible. 

_I can't... Dei. I'm so... tired._

_**And yet Kurosaki is still fighting.**_

He was. Struggling, too. 

_It's lookin' pretty bleak, huh?_

_**I know you, Hazumi. Chrissake, pull one of those spontaneous moves you always do!**_

_You and I both know... _

_I think I'm at the end of my rope._ __

_**Don't say things like that!**_

Listless, I cracked a lid, fighting the black. My hand sluggishly moved through the sand, quaking.

_I can't... move._ _I can't... do anything.___

_**Stop with the 'I can't' already.**_

_"Chikuso..."_ __

_**Just earlier you had so much resolve! What happened in those last moments?**_

My chest was rising and falling quicker now, the moisture was returning to my mouth. Dried blood was flaking from my throat, and I rubbed it off the tips of my fingers.

"Shinigami..." __

_**Do not let Ichigo die!**_

My hand was reaching for my zanpakutou, only inches away.

Tremors were rushing through my muscles as my fingertips touched the cold metal- 

_"Uchg." _

Only to be squashed by the blonde Arrancar. "What do you think... you're doing?"

His foot was pinning my hand to the ground, grinding my fingers. I bit back the small whimpers that threatened to escape my lips, but I couldn't stop the little tears that had spurted in my eyes. His sword was still positioned above my heart, the sharp end of his blade connecting with the fabric of my shirt.

_"Hazumi-san...!" _

I exhaled wearily, the small breath escaping my throat loudly.

My choked voice had an edge to it now, "_Bozu_... do you know... who I am...?"

Inoue was becoming more and more distressed with each passing moment, and I didn't want Ichigo looking over here and getting distracted by my weakness. If I could take on and weaken an Espada, I could sure as hell disable their Fracción. I just had to do that with the utmost concentration, and without my swordsmanship.

_Hah. _

That was laughable.

The position I held within Seireitei didn't even _require_ me to own a sword.

And yet this guy was just chillin' here, thinking he could get away with breaking my _fucking _fingers?

**"Ye lord, mask of flesh and bone, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man."**

The Arrancar's attention slowly turned back to me, his brows furrowing.

"What are you going on about, Shinigami?"

Like hell I was stopping to explain that I was about to fry this guy's ass.

**"Truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams,"** my voice was small and almost incoherent, but Tesla still had no idea what I was doing, **"unleash but slightly... the wrath of your claws...!"**

My trembling palm faced him, and finally he seemed to catch on- just as he tried to press down on his blade-

Oh the sweet, sweet sensation of impact.

******"Hado... 33: Sōkatsui****..."**

The light blue spiritual energy triggered from my hand, engulfing our surroundings with strong baby blue. The energy in the air was like static, crackling and incinerating anything harmful within arms reach of it. And Tesla was no longer standing over me, threatening with that sharp sword of his.

Hasty footfalls coming towards me, and I slowly cracked a lid to see Inoue falling to her knees beside me, panting.

"Hazumi-san! Are you.. are you...?"

I think she was just at a loss for words upon seeing the deep incision tearing my throat. Or maybe the fact that it had stopped bleeding because of Kuria-Dei, and it was just odd seeing a deep gash without blood leaking in profuse amounts.

"I'm fine... Inoue. Will you just... help me up?"

She seemed hesitant about this idea, but when a sudden reiatsu started to waver, she nodded slightly. The girl wrapped her arms around my torso, and ever so slightly hefted me up, supporting my shaking legs.

"I can't stand... without your help, Inoue."

She nodded from beside me, while my eyes strayed across the landscape of Las Noches.

Apprehensive orbs landing on Ichigo's beaten form.

"Kurosaki-kun..." And so had Inoue's.

"Where is Nel?" My soft voice had the girl blinking, her head rotating around.

"Ah..."

_"Yes... that Arrancar that was with you in the beginning has disappeared." _

Stiffening, my gaze trailed to where the blonde Arrancar suddenly stood, somehow surviving my Kido from point-blank range. He was just there, blood blotching his white clothing, slight burns scraping his face and arms. But virtually he was untouched.

My black orbs narrowed.

"...Smart of you, to summon... a bala... at the very last second, Tesla-san."

His one amber eye analyzed me warily, his lips a small frown. His head turned just a fraction, his eyes landing on a piece of rubble. A grimace, "There, huh..."

A red shot of energy soared from his eye, crashing into the rock in a matter of seconds, causing a particularly painful 'Wau!' to be uttered from said rubble.

Inoue's hold on me wavered a bit, "Nel-chan!"

"Nel!"

There Nel was, lying on her stomach, hit with that cruel bala. Only slightly moving. My wobbling legs tried to move, but I winced when I tried to go on my own. I couldn't. It was too much effort just to move my one foot forward. Noticing my struggle, Inoue looped her arm under mine, balancing my weight with hers.

I never did get to thank her, though.

Because at that second Ichigo flew into our sights, landing on the ground roughly. Nnoitra's footsteps approaching, until suddenly they stopped.

Right in front of Nel.

**"You're Nel?"**

He stared down at her with bane, his black hair blowing with the cool breeze.

"I knew it! La estigma!"

_What... the hell? _

_**"You've really become a pathetic piece of shit, you know that!" **_

_Why is he suddenly creeping on her like that? _

"Does your broken mask ache? Eh!"

Quite frankly, Nel looked as confused as I felt.

"What's the meaning of this... You know Nel?"

And of course, Ichigo all bloodied up and lookin' like he was about to collapse asked the same thing.

**"What the hell?"** The Quinta Espada glanced between us, from Ichigo to Inoue and me and to Nel, back to the substitute shinigami. **"I wondered why she was here, so I figured you must of brought her with you. But... After looking at those expressions of yours', I guess you just brought her with you not knowing what she truly is..."**

_What... the hell...? _

My big, black eyes darted over to where Nel lay, who was trembling.

My heart reached out to the girl.

_Why can't I... fucking move! _

Ichigo was over there, shocked and confused. "...What do you... mean...?"

And that sick Espada's voice, loving every moment of this.

**"If you really don't know, I'll tell you. This little shit is Nel... 'Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck.' An ex-Espada." **

_Uhm. _

**_Hazumi. _**

"Ex... Espada...?" Inoue's shaking voice was right beside me. She was reacting the same as all of us.

What the hell was this creep talking about!

**_Hazumi._**

_What is it, Dei?_

**_I cannot... _**

But before Kuria-Dei had the chance to warn me, my legs suddenly gave way. I hit the dirt quite unexpectedly, my knees buckling. It was a hard impact, too.

_**I cannot do anymore. **_

"Hazumi-san!"

_It's... okay, Dei. You did real good._

My eyes were on the white sand, and I blinked the black away from the corners of my eyes.

"I'm okay, Inoue. You just... stay... in the present."

My hands clenched in the grainy sand and my breaths were coming with much more labor now.

It hurt.

It really, really hurt.

Peaking through my lashes, I saw Inoue's attention had strayed from my form and was now on... Ichigo's figure. The stupid boy was getting his ass kicked. There was conversation still flowing, but I didn't hear any of it. That was, until that one utterance.

**"I'm the one that broke this little shit's head!" **

**_I would kill him if I could._**

_I can't... watch this._

Ichigo was hurting.

_You always take the hit. You always... jump in and try to save the day. _

The Espada was still raving on, all the while pulverizing the substitute shinigami. My eyes scrunched when I saw him fight back in vain. His face expressed every bit of determination possible, and yet his body was beaten senseless.

_Why can't you just stop. _

Another hit.

He wasn't going to... there was so much blood...!

_"STOP IT!" _

And at the same time, **"ITHIGO!" **

A sudden reiatsu exploded.

Smoke and dirt flew in the air, right in the space in which Nel had preoccupied.

The particles of sand whirled, and next thing I knew, I was looking at a woman who resembled Nel, slightly.

An older version, to be specific.

And her movements- so swift. I didn't even see her until she was right beside Inoue and me.

And since when had Ichigo been in her arms...?

**"Bitch..."** Nnoitra's voice floated to my ears, but I wasn't looking at him. I was staring at the woman who claimed to be Nel. She was looking down at Ichigo as she spoke, her voice now ten times mature as it had been.

There was not a lisp.

"Thanks to you, I was able to return to this form."

I would have listened to her more, I really would have, but I felt a trickle of warm liquid race down my neck. My coal orbs widened, and I silently brought my trembling hand to my throat, a contrived breath slipping from my lips when I felt fluid. Looking down at my shaking hand, I saw crimson.

_No... _

And Kuria-Dei's voice.

_**I am trying, Hazumi. Don't give up.**_

_How...?_

**_Don't give up!_**

The small drips in the sand below me were becoming more frequent, and I hurriedly pressed my hand to my esophagus, attempting to pressurize the wound.

Red seeped through my fingers.

Black was invading my vision again.

But I didn't want to faint. Not now, not after all this way.

And yet, my body wouldn't comply with my minds wishes.

My face hit the dirt in seconds.

I only caught a glimpse of Ichigo's horrified expression on my way down.

* * *

_"Why is the dock creaking, Dei?" _

_My bare feet were against the rough planks of my special harbor as I looked out to the violent sea. The rain was coming down in sheets, but there was an absence in my world this time. True, the whitecaps of the waves were erupting like normal, and yes the rain was pouring. But there was no thunder. There was no lightning. _

_The clouds were not the usual black that inhabited my world, but a dark grey. _

_My world was different than it had last been. _

_I did not like it. _

_I did not like how the one place I knew would never change, suddenly changed._

_** It's wearing down. It's slowly washing away with the rain.** _

_But I didn't want it to. My hands clenched by my sides as I stared down at the soggy planks, my face crumbling. _

_"What's happening, Dei? What's going... to happen?" _

**_I don't know. _**

_I whirled on her, "Why don't you know! Aren't you supposed to know these things! Aren't you... you always have something to say! Well, now I want to hear it! Say something! Stop looking... at me like that...!" _

_Her bright blue eyes were staring at me with acceptance. _

_Expectancy._

_ Why? _

_**Have you not even taken notice... we are on the same dock?** _

_We were. I wanted to ignore it, but I couldn't. _

_Just another thing that had changed since my last frequent. _

_"Why... are things changing?" _

_**I can't answer that. You know as well as I do life brings change. **_

_My eyes were on the dark water again, and with a deep frown I sat myself at the edge of the dock, bringing my knees to my chest. _

_I felt so small. _

_My back was to Kuria-Dei. _

_"What can you tell me, then?" _

_Light footfalls coming towards me, and then she stood beside me._

_** I have put you in a semi-comatose state.** _

_"Is that why I'm here?" _

**_Yes._**

_ I let my forehead fall to my knees, and I brought my arms around my legs, hugging them. Wanting everything to go away. _

_"How long?"_

_** Until I can get your throat to stop bleeding. **_

_"It's useless, you know."_

_ My black eyes stared dully at the water, and my hands clenched tightly. "Even if you do heal it... even if you do close it up... the loss of blood..." _

_**Will not be a problem when you wake up. **_

_For some reason, this didn't surprise me. Kuria-Dei's antics never seemed to surprise me. _

_**You know, I was scared.** _

_My eyes trailed up to Kuria-Dei's face, which was gazing out at the water placidly. _

_"Oh yeah?" _

_**Yeah. I thought you were going to just give up.** _

_My dry response, "You practically wouldn't let me." _

_**He'd be crushed, you know.** _

_My eyes slowly fell to my hands. I wrung them silently, black eyes wavering._

_ I knew who she was talking about. _

_"He'd be okay eventually. He's still... only a teenager. The young are resilient."_

**_ I haven't heard that naivety come from you in a long time, Hazumi. _**

_"It's not naivety. It's just... I'm not even supposed to be in the boy's life, anyways. I'm sure after time the feeling of loss would fade-" _

_But I didn't get to finish, because before I could say another word, Kuria-Dei's hands were on my back, and she shoved me off the dock, into the dark waters below. I went down like a weight, unsuspecting. _

_So cold. _

_Splashing, I surfaced, waving my arms around and sputtering. "What the fuck, Dei?" _

_**If you're gonna think like that, then you don't even deserve to wake up from this comatose!** _

_That had my inky eyes expanding. What...? _

_Kuria-Dei stood at the edge, hands on her hips, a taut line where her lips belonged. _

**_You listen here, and you listen well Hazumi Nagasaki. You sound like a wimp. _**

**_You're a fucking loser if you really think that. _**

_Kuria-Dei never cursed to this extreme. _

_**That boy cares about you immensely, and if you're just going to doubt his concern for you that easily, then I don't even want to look at you!** _

_She was breathing heavily, brows drawn tightly. _

**_You need to get your act together, Hazumi. It's... ridiculous how you're so thick. You love that Kurosaki boy, and yet you doubt his feelings in return? _**

**_That doesn't... make sense to me. _**

_She was getting quieter, seemingly done with her shocking rant._

_ Frankly, I was appalled. Dei had never stood up to me like this. And she had never made so much sense than she had right now. _

_Her words hit home. _

_And it stung. _

_**I can't stand this. You always push away these feelings regarding him! Get over yourself and accept it!** _

_"...Way to make sense." _

**_Don't get snippy with me. You're on my black list right now. _**

_Silence._

_ I was still floating in the water, bobbing with each wave. _

_The cold had stopped pricking me, and now I was feeling a numbing sensation in my limbs. _

_Quieter now, "What do you want me to do, Dei?"_

_** Wake up.**_

_ "And then?" _

_Her face softened. **Be the Hazumi Nagasaki I've known my entire existence.** _

_My legs were feeling like big weights. _

_I was slowly starting to sink. _

_Before our conversation could be cut off, I felt a smile creep onto my face, and I scoffed at the girl. "What a cornball..." _

_And I let the dark waters pull me under, closing my eyes as the ice swallowed me. _

_Kuria-Dei, still standing there, brought her gaze to the sky. Blue eyes shaking for just a moment. _

_**Don't get yourself killed, Hazumi.** A particularly strong wave crashing against the wooden harbor, chopping a piece of wood. A chunk of the dock, now floating in the sea. Kuria-Dei's gaze followed it, weighted. _

**_The day of reckoning is coming, and I fear it will be bloody._**

**-X-_  
_**

_Sinking, I am._

_How do we pick ourselves up now, if the clouds bring the rain?_

_I'll never be able to say._

_...  
_

_Just wash away._

_But then, what do I do?_

_Please tell me, Kuria-Dei._

_Please give me the strength to wake up._

_Please give me the will to move._

_Please aid me in my struggle._

_Please..._

_Don't let the dark come back._

_You know how I hate the dark._

_

* * *

_  
**There you have it.**

_Chikuso_ - Damnit

_Bozu_ - Squirt, kid.

**Empower yourself and hit that darn review button. Thanks!**


	31. No Choice: Reactions

**A/N: **Nnoitra's fight with Kenpachi: not very detailed. If you like it so much, go read Chapter 307-313 again. I used what would benefit my plotline, and I guess just filled in space. My concentration is on the next chapter. And that next chapter includes Ichigo's fight with Ulquiorra. Or, some of it does. I have to get there first, after all. But anyways, chapter thirty.

_I didn't respond to any reviews, and I apologize!_

_Thank you so, so much. 127 reviews is a lot, a lot :)_

_With love, much love:  
_

**Shadowgouf, LogicOfFire, Eklipt, XxKuragari no KagexX, Animelover1993, Shadow of a Broken Angel, GaarasMyBoyzz, Buffyandspike-4ever**_._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_Treinta:_**

_"No Choice: Reactions"  
_

_

* * *

_Give me words.

So many things are

Broken.

Just keep them

Alive.

That's what I

Have to do.

And don't let them see;

Keep the mask.

* * *

"_Hosyu..." _

_It was cold weather in Kusajishi. It was snow season._

_ I never liked the snow. _

_"What, Hazumi?" _

_My brothers and me, we didn't care much for the snow. It was a tough time of year. We had to find a new place to stay, somewhere warm and safe._

_ "Have you... did you..." Snowflakes were piling in my brother's brown hair, I could see them. _

_He was cold. _

_Reizo had gone to gather food; he had told us to rest. He was so nice sometimes. _

_"Spit it out, stupid." _

_My small face scrunched in distaste, and my black eyes slowly glanced at him. "Do you ever... think about... Kaa-san and Tou-san...?"_

_ I always wanted to know about my parents. _

_I wanted to know why we didn't have any, and yet the other kids did._

_ I wanted to know where they were. _

_"No." Hosyu had bitten out his answer, brisk and clipped. I was young, but I knew when to tread carefully in regards to certain topics in conversation. This was one of those topics where I should have just let it go, but I was young, and the young are naïve. I wanted to know. _

_"But... everyone has parents! You don't ever wonder?" _

_My small voice was just a squeak at this age, but it held some sort of desperation._

_ I guess that was my childhood desperation. _

_Hosyu's green orbs flickered in my direction, "I don't wonder, Hazumi-nee. And neither should you." _

_He looked so serious; Hosyu was rarely serious. _

_But every snow season he would get real angry. I didn't know why. _

_"Why!" _

_I never forgot the look he gave me. It made me sad, seeing Hosyu so angry. But then something clicked in my childlike mind, "Did you... know them...?" _

_His green eyes shut down completely. "No." _

_"But...!" _

_"Reizo did." _

_Oh. My big, black eyes blinked. _

_So we did have parents. _

_"I knew we had parents! I just knew it! Where are they, Hosyu-nii-chan?" _

_"They left us, Hazumi."_

_ I didn't understand at the time. I didn't understand the concept of leaving one's family. It just didn't make sense to me. I couldn't ever imagine Hosyu and Reizo not there. My small voice was quiet, "Nani...?" _

_It was cold. Hosyu's voice was harder, "They abandoned us."_

_ I was shivering. _

_I hated the cold. _

_"Did they leave... during snow season?"_

_ "Yeah." _

_The cold turned bitter. Snow season was never fun. _

_I didn't understand the concept of abandonment, back then. _

_So I didn't cry. _

_"Do you miss them, Hosyu-nii?" My brother was quiet for a long while. He was bigger than me, but sometimes I understood him like I was a big kid, too. He was a real easy one to read. Reizo had said I was real good at reading people. _

_"A little." _

_That was the first time I saw Hosyu cry. But I didn't tell him that I saw, because then I bet he would have just been angrier. That was how he was. I didn't understand how Hosyu could miss something he never knew. That was how I felt. _

_But later, I realized he had lied to me._

_ He did know Kaa-san and Tou-san. But I never called him out on it, and I think he knew that. _

_That was when the cold turned bitter, and the cold was never the same after that._

_ I hated the cold._

_

* * *

_

**( T H I R D P O V)**

"Let's switch, this kid's out of it. Do whatever ya like."

From a bird's-eye view, one would see crimson.

There was so much blood.

Ichigo couldn't move, couldn't defend anything. He barely registered the release of Tesla's sword as he gazed around, tawny eyes glazed over with pain. He couldn't stop that Espada from holding steadfast onto Inoue; he couldn't keep Nel from feeling the pain. And then his eyes strayed over to where Hazumi's still form lay, expression crumbling. He couldn't see from this far away; was she breathing?

Her reiatsu was just a thin veil in the air, not like the normal presence that always was with him. The sand around her was stained with maroon, and she was face down on the ground. She wasn't moving.

_Do you know why Hazumi came to Hueco Mundo, Kurosaki?_

She came for him. She was like this... because she followed him there.

She just couldn't stay behind.

She had to...!

_Her legs are shaking, Kurosaki._

Now they weren't moving.

_Hazumi... why did you... why aren't you breathing?_

Ichigo was being tossed around senseless, his bloodied face expressing his distress. Tesla was handling the ginger like a rag doll. Ichigo could only shout in pain from the infliction of Tesla's brute strength. Uttering sounds of pure, unadulterated agony, his wavering bronze orbs continued to trail over to Hazumi's still body.

_She can't be dead!_

_"You don't have to hurt anymore, Ichigo."_

No, she couldn't be. Hazumi couldn't die. That was just... not possible.

The sight of her inert build had cut right through the boy's heart.

"Ha...Hazumi..." He was squinting the blood away from his eyes, his lean frame slightly quaking from the pain.

The darkness was looming in his subconsciousness, eager to escape.

Tesla- now a strange, warthog-like creature- was approaching at a leisurely pace, fisting his thick hand. He was going to finish this. But Ichigo couldn't tear his eyes away from Hazumi. She had just... collapsed.

Stopped moving all together. The urgency of the situation at hand was stealing the breath from the boy's lungs, seeing all the blood- he was losing it.

"Hazumi!"

Why was she not responding?

_You can't..._

"The woman is dead, Shinigami." The Arrancar's voice was morphed upon his sword's release, truly resembling a monster.

"And so are you."

Shaking from pain, the boy slowly brought his eyes to gaze at Tesla's beastly form, which was looming over him quite ominously. He was ready to deliver the final blow, standing over him like that.

_Hazumi you can't..._

Tesla brought out his thick fist, tightening the taut muscles with ease. Ready, he advanced swiftly, his burly arm coming down on Ichigo to deliver the merciless blow.

_You can't die, Hazumi. _

Such a heavy fist, just inches from Ichigo's face-

**-Impact. **

A sickening _crunch_ signified a direct hit, shattering bones.

And a small, frail arm- cracking.

Her slight build, rooted to the ground- the only sign of strain was the convulsion of her arm upon impact.

Dusky eyes widening, Ichigo could only gape. His expression- the epitome of astonishment.

_"Ha...Hazumi..." _

And there she was.

It was silent for those few moments- the time for things to sink in.

And then, **"I'LL FUCKIN' MURDER THAT BITCH!"**

Nnoitra's outraged eruption broke the stunned silence, and he tossed Inoue to the side as he pushed off the ground, eyes mad with the intent to kill. His colossal weapon was poised to slice her right in two-!

**Deflection. **

A sudden, crushing reiatsu appeared from thin air. **"Who the fuck are you?"**

Ichigo's eyes were still on Hazumi's figure before him; he saw heart-shaped lips only curve slightly, scoffing.

Her small voice, "About fuckin' time, Kenpachi."

Zaraki Kenpachi stood tall, his blade and Nnoitra's clashing loudly. Kenpachi grinned like a madman, his one eye glinting with ferocity. "Tch, don't be actin' all high 'n mighty, _Fuku Kidōchō_. Stealin' all the kills and bein' all shrimpy," and then he frowned, grimacing, "What the hell d'ya think you're doin', dyin' over there... Ichigo!"

"Ken...pachi...?"

A small groan caused tawny eyes to flicker from Juichibantai Taicho's tall form, locking on Hazumi's small build. The ginger saw the girl cast a fleeting glance at her arm, causing his gaze to follow guardedly. Her muttered curse upon inspecting the damage, _"Fuck."_

But Ichigo was morbidly fascinated with the way her arm was twisted.

_"Girl..."_ Tesla's fist was still connecting with her arm, like he was too shocked to move. But the charging of a malignant reiatsu cut clean through that thought. Hazumi barely had the time to process it the red energy before her eyes-

-just as the explosion went off.

**"CERO!" **

_BOOM!_

Dust and sand and clumps of dirt rose in the air- a sizable crater now sinking in the sand. But there were no shinigami.

From meters away, Hazumi's grip on the sub shinigami's robes slackened, and she shakily stood from her kneeling position in which she landed. Wincing, her eyes trailed to her side, where her limp, shattered arm hung.

"Hazumi..." Ichigo was still kneeling, panting. His bloodied face rose to stare at the _Fuku Kidōchō_, stuck in wonderment.

_How... how is she...? _

The girl's black eyes only narrowed, and her head rotated to stare past the sub shinigami. "Inoue! Come over here!"

Ichigo blinked, slowly turning his head to see Inoue standing just yards away, her big grey eyes scared and confused. But she nodded, picking up her feet in a hurried jog.

"She'll heal you while I take care of this."

Hazumi was stepping away from the boy, spine rigid.

"Hazumi! What the hell? You can't take him like that!"

But the girl kept walking forward, her eyes back on her arm.

Her lips twisted, and she narrowed her black orbs. "Fuckin' useless..."

She pointed a finger at the limp, warped arm, eyes blank. **"****Bakudō 1: Sai."**

Watching from the distance, Ichigo tried not to wince upon hearing the _cracking_ sounds from Hazumi's arm, and failed. But he watched as she placed the spell Rukia had on him once upon a time, on herself. Ichigo knew how much that Kido spell hurt- how his arms twisted behind his back and rendered him immobile. But Hazumi... was using it in a different way. Only her injured arm twisted behind her, while her other stayed by her side.

_Huh..._

"Hazumi-san is very skilled with Kido..."

Blinking, the ginger looked behind him. Since when did an orange shield surround him...? Inoue's **Sōten Kisshun **was enclosed around the boy, healing him. "Inoue... are you okay?"

The girl slowly smiled, nodding.

And a few yards away, Hazumi's voice rung out. "Come at me, Tesla. I'll rip you apart."

**"I will make you disappear, so called Fuku Kidōchō."**

And he charged. It was quick, almost too quick to see. Just one second he was running towards Hazumi, who had placed her good arm on the hilt of her sword, and the next he was there-

-and Hazumi was not.

The sudden _swish_ of shunpo reached Ichigo's ears, and then he spotted the girl. Behind Tesla's gigantic form, her black eyes tightened.

**"Cero."** A murky detonation imploded from Hazumi's outstretched hand, engulfing the warthog-like creature that Tesla had become. His strangled screams resonated throughout the explosion, until there was just smoke.

And Hazumi was still standing there- and for that one second, Ichigo spotted her expression.

Contorted with pain. And her black eyes- reflecting nothing.

That was the first time he had seen her eyes mirror borderline emotionless.

She took a step forward-

and barely dodged the fist aimed straight for her ribcage. Stumbling, the girl couldn't regain her footing. Tesla was emerging from the smoke, dashing straight for her. She drew her sword, panting. Ichigo could still see her face- she was facing him. Tesla's back was to him, he could go for an attack and cut him down. But the girl stabbed her sword into the ground, and her reiatsu sky-rocketed.

Something Tesla understood as a release.

The Arrancar was right there!

**"You will not release your sword, Shinigami-!"**

Blood.

Tawny eyes blinked.

Everything had happened so fast.

Hazumi was just a foot away from Ichigo and Inoue now, kneeling on a knee. Her hand cupped in front of her, reiatsu was amassing. Her lips were moving quickly, **"Hadō 90: ********Kurohitsugi********."**

Ichigo had seen this attack before. Aizen had... used it. It was if he were reliving the experience, watching the mountainous black box fall onto the Arrancar, the heavy as lead reiatsu befalling on each one of them. From Kenpachi's corner, Nnoitra had realized the danger.

******"YOU FOOL! GET OUT OF THERE, TESLA!"**

But Ichigo knew it was too late from the time that Hazumi had started gathering her reiatsu. And the pounding sensation of what was happening inside that very box- dozens of energy spears, lacerating and shredding. But this time it was heavier than the last- as Aizen had formerly stated, he only released about one third of the power.

As the black box dissipated into the air, Ichigo watched the Arrancar fall, his blood soaking sand. This... was more than one third of its power.

"God this sucks."

Hazumi had resorted to sitting crossed-legged in front the two humans, scowling down at her contorted arm.

Ichigo blinked from under Inoue's shield. "How... are you...?"

"Hazumi-san! You're hurt!"

Said girl sighed- the Bakudō spell set on her limb had disappeared, and now it was just at her side. "It's okay, I guess."

"Why are you so calm about it?"

Hazumi rolled her eyes, scoffing at the boy, "It's like you don't know me at all, _Boke._ I mean really, have you forgotten Kuria-Dei's abilities?"

Ichigo frowned, continuing his stare at the blonde girl.

Hazumi rubbed the twisted arm, "She's numbed it. I can't feel it."

A surprised 'Oh!" came from Inoue, while Ichigo just stayed silent. His brows were furrowed in thought. Too many things were plaguing his mind right now. _How is she even alive?_ Was his first thought, as he stared at Hazumi in front of him. Don't get him wrong, he was beyond relieved to know she was okay- but... how? Saving that question for another time, he asked another thing bothering him. "Why... is Kenpachi here?"

The Espada and Juichibantai Taicho were fighting in the distance.

Hazumi blinked her black eyes, swiveling around to watch them. "Ahh..."

And she rubbed the back of her head. It was like... she was abashed?

"Well. Urahara received orders from Old Man Yamamoto way back when- when it was decided the major battle would be in winter. One of those orders was to stabilize the Garuganta... so that shinigami at captain's level could pass safely to Hueco Mundo at full power."

It was silent as she spoke, and she was still rubbing the back of her head, her lips slanting.

"They initially planned for it to be finished in three months... but being the genius he is, Urahara finished it in one. And well, then Inoue," here she gestured to the girl, "got kidnapped..."

"Me alone would have been enough! But that's not the case." Blinking, all three figures turned to Kenpachi, who was looming over the three spiritually aware. And Nnoitra was soon to follow, his blade striking Kenpachi's.

And the fight ensued.

**-X-**

**( H A Z U M I )**

"Judging by the signatures I'm picking up... Unohana-Taicho, Kuchiki-Taicho, and Kurotsuchi-Taicho along with their respective Lt's have arrived."

_And Rukia and Chado are..._

Things were not looking good. Save for the fact that Captains finally arrived.

"Stop with that dumb look on your face, Kurosaki. You too, Inoue."

They were looking at me weirdly. Ichigo eyes had... melted. Like pure relief.

…He was lying there, bloody and broken… and he was relieved that I was okay.

And Inoue's gaze was troubled, as her eyes strayed to my arm. Grasping to useless limb, I fought to keep my expression clean.

I had lied when I had said Kuria-Dei was numbing it entirely.

Okay, so I didn't say that exactly, but it was implied what with the way I moved and everything. They thought I couldn't feel it, but I could.

It hurt.

_But it could be hurting so much worse._

So I didn't say anything._  
_

I didn't know what to say to Ichigo; how do you reassure someone so close when... you don't even know if everything's okay? And Inoue- she wanted to heal my arm. I could see it. "Please don't try, Inoue. It'll only hurt."

Her **Sōten Kisshun** attempted to reach me, but I only held up a hand, and it shattered in seconds.

"Ah... Hazumi-san..."

She was surprised, but understanding. An odd combination.

"Inoue… do me a favor._"_

My eyes trailed back down to where Ichigo lay, coal orbs softening to soot. She, too, glanced down, frantic when she saw the boy was barely healed. "Of course! I'll have you healed in no ti-"

"Before... before you treat my wounds... I want you to... tend to Nel..."

I just sat there, watching her comply and run off, staring at the sub shinigami.

Feeling the aura's in Hueco Mundo slowly stabilize. And the one's only meters away, fighting.

I sighed wearily, leaning back on my good arm. "Chado and Rukia are in the clear."

_No one is really in the clear, Ichigo._

"How are you alive, Hazumi?"

The boy was breathing heavily, exhausted.

Yet we had such a long way to go.

"Kuria-Dei's a miracle worker, eh?"

"You weren't breathing."

_I was in a comatose._

"Forget about it. I am now, and that's all that matters."

Ichigo's feelings were swarming at me.

They were warm.

"You're such... a hardass."

I coughed a small chuckle, locking my black orbs with his tawny.

_"You forced yourself to get up, huh?"_ His words had me stiffening, my spine going rigid.

I'm sure he noticed this.

My lips curved downwards, and my eyes suddenly felt heavy. _"It had to be done."_

And our conversation ended there, as Inoue came running back, enclosing Ichigo in that orange barrier of hers. I slowly turned around to watch the fight going on, but I felt eyes on my back. I just held my injured arm, and let my head drop, sighing.

This intrusion to Hueco Mundo...

It was takin' a toll on all of us.

I certainly knew it was takin' a toll on me.

**"How many times do I have to tell you?"**

The reiatsu just hit me then. It had my gaze flying up, my eyes widening.

**"YOU CAN'T FUCKING CUT ME!" **

And Kenpachi was pierced. And Nnoitra's hollow hole was... in his eye?

_This guy's fucked up. _

**_Hazumi._**

_What? _

**_If Kenpachi is defeated..._**

I didn't even want to think about it.

**_We're the next in line._**

_ I kind of figured._

As Kuria-Dei and I conversed, I sneaked a glance behind me, seeing Ichigo's wide eyes on the fight. There was no way he'd be able to fight. Ichigo was still recovering.

But I guess Kenpachi really wanted the fight- of course he did- because he got back into it.

I wasn't really watching it all; I was too tired. Just so sick of all of this. War was never pretty. I always had to expect the same thing.

It was insane.

"Hazumi-san."

My eyes were on the sand in front of me. "Yeah?"

"Ahh... what are you going to do... about your arm...?"

"I'll get around to it."

And yet my energy was waning as I spoke. I'm sure the two behind me knew it, too.

"Are you... sure...?" Inoue was hesitant about just leaving me off to my own devices. But I couldn't even curl my lips at her concern.

I was so tired.

"I'm sure Unohana... will be more than happy to oblige."

"Doesn't it... hurt?"

_Yes._

"No."

I could feel Ichigo's eyes on me, boring a hole into my skull.

Practically shouting _Liar!_

"Inoue."

The air was shifting.

The girl's attention perked, eyes on my back.

"Strengthen your **Sōten Kisshun**, please. Things…" Pushing my palm in the sand, I slowly rose, sighing. "Things are about to get real messy."

I was glad my back was to them; they weren't able to see my face scrunch in pain as my arm flopped at my side. I didn't think they saw my frame wobble for that one second, either.

**_My abilities aren't God, Hazumi. _**

_I know, Dei. But we've got a little more left in us._

**_You better not be attacking._**

_No Dei. _

Kenpachi's eye-patch flew to the ground. My stomach churned with anxiety as I watched the two barbarians speak, yell at one another.

And then, **"Pray, Santa Teresa!"**

_I'm not attacking._**  
**

The sight of Nnoitra with more than two arms had the blood draining from my face, and I found my feet backing away. Until I was right at Inoue's shield, I stopped. "Fuckin' unbelievable," I breathed, watching Kenpachi get cut down and fly to the ground.

Shocked silence.

The Espada's gaze flew around, like he was looking for his next victim.

**"Huh... the guy's not even twitchin'."**

My hand clenched, and I swallowed something thick.

_Dei… _

_**No choice, then**__._

_I can't do this. _

My stomach flipped with fear._  
_

**_Shut up, and start moving forward, you dimwit._**

My hardass zanpakutou was the only thing that kept me standing.

One foot moved forward.

Nnoitra's gaze flew to Yachiru, who had arrived along with Kenpachi.

I felt movement beside me, and before the girl could get anywhere, I latched on to the collar of her clothing.

_"Wait, Inoue!"_ Her feet came to a forceful stop. Not because of Ichigo's call- but from my grip.

A shadow was over my eyes as I felt her gaze, "You really think... you can do something against him?"

A surprised noise escape her lips.

I did not let her go.

"Are you that dense, kid?"

She didn't say anything. I finally looked at her, seeing her stunned face. "You're not a hero."

Her eyes were wavering at my words. I heaved a breath, and my hand fell to my side. Turning my gaze, "If you must… use **Santen Kesshun** from where you are. Don't go approachin' that guy without an offense, stupid."

Silence.

I could have sworn I heard her words, _"Thank you… Hazumi."_

But I could have been imagining things. After all, I was tired. So when she used her technique from just in front of me, I sat right back down, falling onto my back. I closed my eyes, shuddering in an exhausted breath. It was a good thing that I sat down, because with the sudden, heavy reiatsu revealing itself, I probably would have fell anyways.

_Thank God._

**_ Yeah, you better kiss that Deity's ass, Hazumi. _**

_Shut up._

_

* * *

_

**( E L S E W H E R E )**

_"_Barry, where are we going?"

They didn't have much time left in Karakura. Urahara had informed the two exiled shinigami of what was to occur, and from there they would decide their move.

"I have to speak to someone, Mon."

The navy-haired bomb's artist continued her walk through the wet street, splashing through puddle after puddle. She wasn't far from her destination- she knew what sign she was looking for.

"Who?" Barry didn't answer, only walked at that brisk pace. The explosive's artisan had her belt on- her bombs all safely tucked away for safe-keeping. And this time, there was a small sword resting on her back, similar to how Toshiro Histugaya's was positioned. They were leaving after Barry spoke to whomever she needed.

But then, the woman stopped, causing Mon to halt as well.

Coral eyes squinting to look at the sign above. Her brows pulled in confusion-

just as a figure pushed off the wall of the building, under the shelter of the entrance.

"Barry Nguyen. That's a face I haven't seen in a long time."

The sign reading: _Kurosaki Clinic. _

Olive orbs connected with browns. "Isshin Kurosaki."

Mon stood slightly behind Barry, quiet. She didn't know who this man was, but she recognized the name.

_Kurosaki._ That was Hazumi's guy, was it not?

The tall man leaned on his leg, "To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"

Barry stood there, umbrella in hand, expression clean. "Your son came to see me."

An eyebrow slightly raised, "Oh?"

"Hazumi Nagasaki followed him to Hueco Mundo."

The elder Kurosaki stayed silent, brows drawn.

Barry sighed quietly, fishing a cigarette out of her pocket and lighting up. "This reduces the available militants siding with Seireitei, as you have probably imagined."

"Yes."

"Mon and I... we are entering this fight, Isshin."

Isshin put a hand to his chin, slowly rubbing the dark stubble. His expression- uncharacteristically serious.

"I thought it would come to this."

"I need you to take this," here the woman tossed a small device to the man, who caught it in a flash.

"What is it?"

"A bomb."

Usually, one would be slightly confused as to why someone would _toss_ a bomb, but Isshin did not question this.

Barry answered anyways, "I may be late. And the _Fuku Kidōchō_... she'll get here with your son."

"So she took the title as _Fuku __Kidōchō_."

Barry started to turn, "She's too lazy to take _Kidōshū Sōshi_. She probably never will."

"How did you know he was my son?" he called to the artisan's fading form.

The rain was coming down; it was hard to see clearly.

But Isshin heard her scoff, causing his lips to curve, ever so slightly.

"The boy's dumb, just like you were."

Kurosaki just sighed, shaking his head.

And Barry's voice caught him off guard once again, "_I'm sorry about Masaki, Isshin." _

He wasn't able to respond._  
_

The two were gone.

_After all these years, I wasn't even aware you were still residing in Karakura, Barry Nguyen. _

_And to think Ichigo is entangled in the __Fuku Kidōchō__'s affairs._

_How nostalgic._

**-X-**_  
_

_I am Hazumi Nagasaki._

_Fuku Kidōchō._

_Why can't I..._

_Achieve the impossible?_

* * *

_Boke - Knucklehead._

**There you go. **

**Let me know what you think, review form. I'll reply, thank you.  
**


	32. Who Knew: I Am Breakable

**A/N: **Oh, what a treat. Only a day's wait. How odd. Yeah, not much to say. Just thanking all my readers and reviewers is enough, I suppose. You lot are the life of this story. I never thought this story would be so popular, a pairing with Ichigo. Canon/OC. But ah, people never cease to amaze me. I love it. We'll finish sometime, together. Definitely.

_Thanks, guys:_

**Animelover1993, Shadow of a Broken Angel,**** Nightcat102, ****Neko-Reiko-Jaggerjaques,** **WeesnawMcGee, SoupieLuv, XxKuragari no KagexX, Hitorijinsei3, GaarasMyBoyzz, Shadowgouf.**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Treinta y uno:**_

_"Who knew: I Am Breakable."  
_

_

* * *

_

This is where I'm

Supposed to lift

My gaze to the sky

And shout.

I'm supposed to tell

You

Not to harm

Any living creature.

As a

Follower;

As a

Friend.

As a

Believer.

But you know

I was always

A little

Unconventional.

* * *

Nnoitra was dead.

Tesla was dead, if not slowly dying. Kenpachi was alive and pretty fucked up. And I had a fuckin' migraine.

Yawning, I patted my hand over my mouth, closing my eyes as the artificial blue sky loomed up above. I was still lying on my back, Ichigo was still beside me under Inoue's shield, and Inoue was still actin' like the damsel in distress. All in all, it was a pretty good moment of our day. You know, save for the fact that my arm was contorted in a sickly looking way, I had a migraine, and Kenpachi was approaching the lot of us with a weird glint in his eyes.

My lids fluttered open lazily as a _shattering_ sound resonated to my ears, followed by Ichigo's startled reaction.

"GAHH! NOW WHAT, YOU FRIGGEN PYSCHOPATH?"

And all I could think was: _Why can't we all just get a moments peace?_

As the substitute shinigami's body flew through the air- stumbled to his feet beside his sword, I sighed quietly, deciding that now was the time to stand. My shattered arm was the first to move- white, hot pain racing up the limb as I adjusted it according to my posture.

_**I'm sorry, Hazumi.**_

_It's cool, Dei. I can handle it._

My face was set as stone as I climbed to my feet, jaw clenched tightly. I heaved a shuddered breath as I straightened, blinking the blurriness from my coal orbs, my expression slipping to a grimace to express my discomfort.

Kenpachi had stepped up and stopped beside me, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. "Yer not dyin' over there, _Fuku Kidōchō_?"

The deep rumble of the Juichibantai Taicho's voice met my ears, and I slowly slid my gaze to see he was just barely looking at me.

My upper lip curled, "Worried, Captain?"

"Tch, such a waste of a good fighter."

Both of our gazes strayed forward, whereas I looked at Ichigo, and Kenpachi probably did, too.

"And here I thought you considered me a failing student."

"Women..."

"Student!"

Ichigo's voice startled me, and I saw he was in earshot now, his tawny eyes wide.

Thrusting a finger in my general direction, "STUDENT?"

"Shut up, Kurosaki."

He was still shouting, though. "SINCE WHEN HAS THIS BEEN!"

I slyly cast a glance to my open side, muttering in a jumbled breath, "Maybe when I promised Kenpachi you delivered on a sliver platter...?"

**-X-**

_ Days after the mess in Seireitei. God, everything felt so friggen foreign. Aizen's betrayal carved a hole clean through the center of Seireitei, and Ichimaru and Tousen were just frosting to the big, shitfaced cake. And man, did I feel out of place, going there. _

_Going where, you say? Oh, you know. Just the Juichibantai barracks to deliver a special report about violence in the __Kidōshū. The eleventh squad liked to settle things like that- and I still didn't own up to my responsibilities in regards to childish behavior between the patrons in my branch of Seireitei's military. To hell with acting as a mediator- I went straight to the big boys._

_ "Yo Hazumi! What's your scrawny ass doin' here?" _

_Stopping mid-stride, I glanced over my shoulder to see Ikkaku leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed, one eye peaked and staring at me apprehensively._

_ I shrugged lazily, "I'm too busy to deal with my soldiers. You got a few men available to dish out an ass kicking?" _

_"Fuckin' unbelievable." _

_"Just give me three." _

_"You do it yourself!" _

_"..." My black eyes stared at the third seat with a dull glimmer, and my face stayed neutral. _

_He squirmed under that stare, until he rolled his eyes, "Fine. Go talk to Taicho."_

_ My face paled. "Uhh..." _

_"HAH! YOU'RE SO FRIGGEN' WIMPY!"_

_"I'll show you wimpy, Madarame." _

_And not ten minutes later was the bald idiot face-down on the ground, eating dirt. We had moved to a small area inside their barracks to settle our little disagreement, whereas Ikkaku got his ass handed to him by yours truly. Of course, it was expected. I outranked him, if we took the time to compare the two branches of military, that is. _

_Dusting my hands off, I planted them on my hips, scoffing. _

_Just as I opened my mouth, another voice cut me off. "Yer swordsmanship sucks." _

_And swear to God, all the blood drained from my face in that moment. Ever so slowly I turned, black locking black. Zaraki Kenpachi sat there watching the two of us, his arms crossed. He lounged back lazily, his face neutral. _

_My lips twisted as I tried to keep my cool, "Yeah. Sorry."_

_ "You think you can beat anyone with that skill?"_

_ "Apparently I beat your third seat."_

_ "He sucks, too." _

_And from the dirt, a muffled bark of disagreement._

_ Kenpachi just held my eye, and we both ignored the idiot in the sand. _

_"What are you getting at, Kenpachi...?" _

_And there was the maniac grin I had become accustomed to. "You helped Ichigo."_

_ I had thought that point had been made days ago, but apparently the psycho captain was just now catching on. _

_"Yeah..." Apprehensive I was as I watched his grin widen tenfold._

_ "You close to him?"_

_Huh. Where the hell was this going? _

_"I guess..." _

_His sinister smirk darkened. "I gotta proposition for you, Nagasaki..."_

**-X-**_  
_

"WHAT?"

"What, you just thought this shrimp here attained swordsmanship skill overnight? The woman couldn't even properly handle her sword!"

I shot a glare at the Juichibantai Taicho, snarling. "Let's not get carried away. You're the one who's virtually retarded when it comes to handling **Reiryoku** and controlling your Reiatsu!"

Kenpachi put a hand on the hilt of his sword, face twisting. "You want to see your other arm on the ground, Nagasaki?"

I just sighed heavily, shaking my head at the beastly captain. "Such a fuckin' barbarian, I swear..."

But Kenpachi's attention was elsewhere.

It was like he had the attention span of a fucking five year old.

Wasn't he just going to cut my arm off?

"Your shift is over, Kurosaki. Let us handle overtime."

_Us?_

At first, when Kenpachi used the plural form- us meaning, group- I thought he was speaking of his fellow captains who had also arrived in Hueco Mundo. But then I saw him glance at me again with his black eyes, and that had me blinking.

_Does he mean me, too?_

"How you gonna fight with your arm like that, Nagasaki?"

I deadpanned him with a look, sweat-dropping. I mean, really? I had thought cavalry had come; yet I was a part of this back-up team...? I was part of the first run through!

"Wh-what the... get the hell outa here! And there's no way Hazumi's fighting anymore! I came over here to-"

"Remember your place, Substitute Shinigami."

My eyes were downcast on the white sand while Kenpachi spoke to the boy.

"Your hometown should be your top priority right now. Am I wrong? The broad's outa harms way, you're done here... If you follow what I'm sayin', hurry up and scram."

I yawned again, waiting for the bloke to finish. He was unusually chatty today.

"Besides, I ain't gonna let you hog anymore battles. You greedy prick."

I snorted in laughter at that, causing Kenpachi to cast a fleeting look at me, "And you. You're pitiful!"

"Hey now, I agree with what you're sayin'! Don't go gangin' up on me like that!"

"Fix yer damn arm already. That's fuckin' disgusting."

"Squeamish, Kenpachi?"

He grinned, "You will be."

I blanched.

The Juichibantai Taicho then decided to call upon Inoue, who had been pretty quiet during this whole exchange.

But a sudden presence clicked in my brain- a sudden _foreign _reiatsu cut quick through my senses, and that had my feet moving. It took a few moments for my brain to register exactly what this energy was.

_"WAIT, INOUE!" _

The static of Sonído had my blood running cold, and I froze upon feeling a hand on mine. I was right in front of Inoue. An Arrancar was right beside me- our shoulders bumping upon his sudden arrival.

"Forgive me..."

_CRACK!_

My world went black for a minute. I couldn't see anything; I couldn't hear anything. But I could feel.

Oh boy, could I feel.

Physical suffering.

Blind affliction. A strangled moan escaped my lips, and I fell to my knees in the grainy sand, gasping for salvation. The _Espada's _words were muffled in my ears; I couldn't put anything together. My shattered arm- fragmented. Splintered. Imploded. There was now blood leaking from the useless limb. Everything was garbled and didn't make sense. Only the pain made sense. My ulna and radius- smithereens.

_"Hazumi!"_

My humerus- splinterized.

_"HAZUMI!"_

Small sounds were uttered from the back of my throat, and my eyes caught sight of white sand again. Big tear blotches were staining the dry ground. "I...I-I can't..."

"Take her to Unohana, Kurosaki."

"But-"

"Now."

And we were moving. I vaguely realized Ichigo was carrying me.

My breaths were coming out in short puffs, and my vision was blurry because of the water in my eyes. "Ichi-Ichigo..."

My good arm shakily rose to grasp the front of his robes, and I bit back a whimper in my throat. A strangled noise did escape my lips, to my chagrin.

"Hang on, Hazumi."

"Pu-put me down."

"Nani?"

My lips were barely moving, but I breathed out a response. "Stop."

My surroundings were no long blurred with speed. Ever so gently the sub shinigami complied with my wish, setting me on the ground with a tight pull to his brows. "What is it?"

With a strained expression, I unsteadily drew Kuria-Dei from her sheath, panting. "Ha.. Ha... **Kuria-Dei.**"

Navy reiatsu exuded from her thin blade as I released her in a desperate attempt. With a quick but constricted motion did I plant the tip of her blade into the ground, moaning in anguish. **"... Chuuwa." **

Silence.

"Oh my God..."

_**I'm sorry I took so long, Hazumi. **_

_**I've got it from here.**_

I was trembling. I was shaking senseless.

"Your arm..."

My arm was engulfed in Kuria-Dei's navy presence. It was like she was strapping it down with energy Velcro straps or something. I couldn't move it even if I had tried. I swallowed thickly, wiping my eyes with my good hand.

"That should suffice," Ichigo shot me a look, so I added on, "for now."

"Your zanpakutou... neutralized the wound...?"

His tone was slightly dubious and a bit incredulous.

"You're finally catching on," came my dry response.

"Why did you tell me to stop?"

But I didn't say anything. Something I recognized was in the air.

"Hazu-"

"Shut up..."

Something was hovering above Las Noches.

A certain flow of energy.

Until, "Can you hear me? My dear invaders..."

_Aizen?_

"Aizen...!"

"It's **Tenteikuura**..."

And the main antagonist's voice rang throughout the artificial area yet again. "For your continued success against my Espada, allow me to express my deepest respect.

"As of now... we are commencing our invasion of the human world."

"What was that...?" Ichigo was slowly turning frantic. He was no longer collected- his cool demeanor he tried so hard to keep in place had slipped. And so had mine.

"Inoue Orihime, I am leaving in the fifth tower. If you wish to retrieve her, you may come and make your attempt. I no longer... have any use for her."

My hand clenched tightly, both from Aizen's sadistic voice and my pain. Too slowly it was dulling. From just at my side could I hear Ichigo's labored breathing. He was struggling to maintain his composure. But I long since knew he had lost it.

"Her ability is a truly wonderful one. 'Phenomenon Rejection.' An ability far exceeding the capacities permitted to humans. The upper Echelons of Soul Society understood the significance of her ability... And that's why... I kidnapped her, in order to unsettle Soul Society, and lead them to turn their attention to reinforcing Soul Society's own defense rather than those of the human world."

Ichigo's growing anger wasn't unsettling me, but pricking at my inner conscious.

It was hot.

And his shock was just a cooling device.

"After proving that my Arrancar's preparations for battle were complete... Hitsugaya's advanced force were all recalled to Soul Society to help the fortify their own defenses. Furthermore, she had another use. Soul Society had recently gained a new military asset... the "Ryoka" including one "Acting Shinigami." She was the perfect bait to lure these forces to Hueco Mundo. I would have never imagined the _Fuku Kidōchō _of the _Kidōshū_ to follow as well. _After all, the Kidōshū is rarely involved._"

There, he was mocking me.

It didn't bother me as much as it should have.

My mind was ticking.

"Furthermore, four of Soul Society's captains... were sent to Hueco Mundo as reinforcements. And such I have succeeded... in _imprisoning _them as well."

I muttered a curse as I felt more shifts in the air- signifying the Garugantas closing. More talk. I wasn't listening anymore. I was thinking. We were trapped here. How many Espada... had we taken down?

How many more were left?

And not just Espada, but Arrancar?

"Hazumi, can you walk?"

My eyes slowly trailed to Ichigo, where he started to stand. "Yes."

"Then come on."

"Where do you think you're going...?"

"_We're_ going to save Inoue and then _we're _getting the hell out of here! Karakura Town is going to be destroyed!"

I closed my eyes, letting my chin hit my chest. Uttering a mirthless, breathy bark of laughter, "Do you think we're stupid, Ichigo?"

Silence.

"...Nani?"

My hand fisted in the sand, and I unhurriedly straightened my good arm, pushing off the ground. But I didn't make it. I had to stay sitting. I started again before Ichigo could worry, "Do you recall my saying... Urahara was given a few tasks to complete...?"

He blinked at me, face slowly morphing with confusion.

"Yeah, I told you one of the tasks. You accepted it. But another... was to ensure that... every single Gotei 13 Captain would be ready to do battle in Karakura."

He was quiet.

Sometimes, Ichigo confused me. He could be the silent-shocked type, or he could be as loud as hell. I could never accurately read his reactions. They were erratic.

My voice was serious and quiet, "They're using this technique that the _Kidōshū_ came up with. It can complete transfer Karakura Town into the far border area of Rukongai. So that... the real Karakura is unharmed."

"What happened to the civilians?"

"Put to sleep. Moved them together with the town."

His expression was now torn. He was trying to make a decision in a hurry, and it was hurting him.

Swallowing thickly, I lowered my gaze to the white sand.

_Don't go._

"Go."

_I don't want you to go._

"Nani...?"

_But... _

"I said go."

_She needs you more than I do._

His eyes, now blinking at me. His face morphing with... not confusion, but misunderstanding.

My heart was conflicting with my mind. My rationality.

"You came here to save her, right? Don't make me say it again."

My expression was neutral as I looked up, straight into his tawny eyes. My voice was right minded, but a slight monotone had taken control.

This time... it was difficult to stay passive.

His low-pitched voice startled me. "You've got a real thick skull, you know that?"

His tawny orbs had narrowed, but now he was moving, gathering himself. He gazed down at my seated form.

Scowling, "You're sitting there, giving as ever. Ever since I met you, only on occasion do you ask for something. It's like you think it's a weakness to ask for help!"

My coal orbs just locked his bronze, tightening.

Holding my mutilated arm, I slowly stood.

Watching him continue with his ever-growing rant. "It's not, okay! You... why don't you ever..."

My eyes wavered in my gaze.

_Because I don't want to inconvenience you, Ichigo._

"Shut up."

His scowl further deepened, and he stepped closer to me.

Brows drawn, "NO! You...!"

He was huffing, suddenly angry. No, not angry- frustrated.

"If you ask me for help..."

He stepped closer to me, able to touch. His words were strong; I couldn't fight them. His expression- concentrated.

Intense.

"If you ask me for just one thing..."

The look he gave me knocked the breath right from my lungs. His eyes were smoldering bronze now, the lines in his face were molded with forcefulness.

"I will not deny you."

_"Your eyes always say something." _

_Back in his hollow's world, his inner world. _

_"Just don't die, you blockhead." _

_And his thick response, "Anything."_

He was embracing me. His arms were wrapping tightly around me.

Like...

Like he didn't want to let go.

And I took that moment for myself. I let my forehead fall to the hollow of his shoulder. I wrapped my good arm around him and clenched his robes in my hand. I didn't want to let go, either.

And then, my shoulders started to tremble, and I felt the boy rest his chin on the top of my head. His arms around me were tight; he wasn't letting go.

I wanted him to be like this- safe in my grasp- forever.

I wanted to hold fast and not let go.

But he was still out of reach.

"Ichigo..."

_I want you to be safe now._

"Hazumi..." His voice was soft, normal. Not under distress like this whole trip had been.

"I have a favor to ask of you, now."

_I want you to..._

"Yeah?"

_… _

Slowly my grip relented. My hand fell, and I reluctantly lifted my head.

My feet were starting to move. Backwards.

"I want you to... save Inoue."

I didn't know what the look on my face portrayed, but I felt a part of me crumble. I was still backing away.

I pointedly avoided his outstretched hand.

"I want... to end this."

I turned back, letting my shattered arm dangled at my side. I couldn't look at him and say this. Feeling his gaze follow the movement of my distorted arm, my face fell.

"I want to leave Hueco Mundo... knowing we succeeded."

_Knowing you succeeded. _

"I want..."

_For the fighting to stop._

"To wake up tomorrow morning... knowing you're alive."

_To know you're okay._

"So go save Inoue, and then come back to me."

_Please._

"Please."

_Don't die._

"Don't die."

_And. _

"And..."

I was stopped in my rant when I felt a warm hand on my arm- my able arm. It was calloused, but gentle. Footsteps, and I let myself be turned around. Liquid bronze stared down at me.

And then, one hand was cradling my jaw, and lips found mine for the second time.

For the second time I was swaying. But this time- I was not too stunned to respond.

I immediately moved into him, seizing the chance. Taking my moment for my own. His lips moved on mine, fervent- but not too eager. My lips parted, and my lids shut like shades. The boy surged in, his hands moving to grip the nape of my neck and my waist, drawing me closer.

I was there- his heartbeat was in my hand. His hard chest was against mine, his grip around me only tightening. It was a desperate moment- and a bitter ending. I shivered when our faces were only inches apart, but I was caught in another onslaught.

This- this second attack, was what got me. He surprised me, the boy did. And I was just a girl who needed to be surprised. There was a steely tension residing in Ichigo's fingers as he gripped the nape of my neck, a vice fastening on my small waist. My hand slowly rose to his sun-kissed cheek, tracing a small line down.

Our breaths were coming shallowly, but we wouldn't part. His grip around my waist wasn't uncomfortably tight; he wasn't crushing me. But there was no denying the sense of possession. His mouth was attacking mine, hot-blooded and... the taste of fear was evident.

We had to breathe sometime.

With a warm heart, I drew back, my breaths coming quickly. My eyes had morphed from coal to soot to ink. They were shaking with the sudden realization- that we had to go separate ways. We had to part.

"You won't die," came his thick voice.

Ink locked bronze.

I didn't know what look was on my face, but evidently it showed something I would had never liked Ichigo to see.

"Don't be scared."

And yet I couldn't seem to wipe that look off my face, judging by his own expression.

I laughed a mirthless, quiet laugh, "I'm not scared for myself, Ichigo."

My hand was still on his cheek, and I cupped it with a soft gesture, feeling moisture in my eyes.

"I'm scared... for you."

"You know I'll be fine."

_Of course you will._

Sniffing, I nodded my head again and again, "Yeah. No, I know you will. I'm stupid, just forget about it."

My hand fell from his face. It was falling to my side, but he caught it.

His calloused hand holding my softer one.

"No you're not."

He laced his fingers with mine. "I'd call you an idiot if you weren't."

A ghost of a smile played at the corner of my lips.

_Time is ticking._

_ I can't... keep him here forever. _

_This is selfish._

I squeezed his hand before relenting on my grip, swallowing.

"You should go."

His movements were slow. He unsteadily dropped our hands, but he didn't move from standing before me. He was looking down at me, silent.

I managed to proffer a shaky smile, "After all, you are the substitute shinigami."

My feet were moving.

My immobile arm was at my side, cracked and broken and shattered.

"I'll get Unohana to fix the rest, and then I'm coming to you. So go, and..."

My eyes held his.

"I'll be right behind you."

_I'll be right beside you._

**-X-**

_It's the final straw_

_I'm here to_

_Witness._

_I have the _

_Strength _

_to go on._

_Please keep me from_

_Coming undone._

_I chose, and I walk_

_but I don't _

_Want this._

_I'm haunted, but I stay._

_It's killing me._

_

* * *

_**You guys are awesome.**

**Just keep being awesome :)  
**


	33. Barry's Vices, My Stupefaction I

**A/N:** Thank you so much guys. Really, 150 reviews is more than I would have ever imagined. You lot are great. You are the life. Awesome.

_So thank you:_

**Eklipt, Hitorijinsei3, Eradona, Animelover1993, Nightcat102, Shadow of a Broken Angel, XxKuragari no KagexX, Oiten, GaarasMyBoyzz,WeesnawMcGee, LogicOfFire.**

_You guys are beyond ridiculously __marvelous._

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Treinta y dos:**_

_"Barry's Vices, My Stupefaction (I)"  
_

* * *

I see

And times I

Don't.

I think about it

Now.

As the story ends.

As my story

Ends.

Yours only begins.

Don't fail me,

You stupid

Strawberry.

_

* * *

_

**( E L S E W H E R E )**

Karakura Town.**  
**

Blood and reiatsu and violence dominated the pillared city, whereas Shinigami and Espada fought for their goals.

She had come a little late; things were already in motion. A handful of shinigami and Arrancar were already down and out in their respective fights. There was a particularly nasty reiatsu emanating from a space meters and meters away that made her lips pull.

She put forth a small, clothed foot- her presence registered at that very moment.

"Do you recognize this, Shunsui...?" Ukitake's grave voice had floated yards away from the loafer of a Captain, brown eyes tightening ever so slightly. The addressed man only tipped his tan hat, a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "I do."

Espada Numero Uno only cast a fleeting glance towards the new presence, grey eyes watching carefully. This new arrival- her reiatsu was... different than his opponent's. But Starrk didn't have the time to dwell on it- his enemy had stirred from before him.

The new arrival's pink lips barely moved, turning her head to assess the damage in Karakura.

"Assist whom you can." Her eyes caught a violent ring of fire. Blazing it was, but that wasn't something that had caught her attention. They were the beings inside that fire. "Give it all you've got."

She absentmindedly fingered a stray strand from her dark belt, olive orbs dancing. "This may be your last chance."

"Way to shake my confidence, Loafer."

A small smile flitted at the corners of Barry's lips, her eyes casting only a glance at her smaller friend.

"There's no way I could even touch that, Monaco. That thing is vicious and it has layers."

"Hah. You're almost funny." Mon's coral eyes were too assessing the situation at hand, taking in the reiatsu levels in the area nearby.

"Should I heal or fight?"

"If they've fallen, they've got the minimal care to get by. You should fight."

"Feels wrong."

Barry stepped forward again, twirling the strap on her belt.

"This is wrong, Mon."

And they were both gone in a pair of flashes. Barry was never a chancy woman, but today... her whole reasoning was based on chance. Their whole part in this was relying on luck. Wasn't that part of the fight? Ten percent luck mixed in with some other factors of success. **(1)**

Tossing those musings aside, the bomb's artisan landed just beside the one and only Soutaicho of the Gotei 13.

Yamamoto slowly turned his gaze to see the woman, his beady eyes opening upon sight.

A silence ensued.

Then his gravelly voice, "Nguyen Barry."

"Hello, Yamamoto."

The woman stood with a calm air, her navy hair pulled back in a lazy bun, dark strands flying in a fritz. Her olive orbs stared back the old man, unwavering. Her estranged tattoo was in plain sight, covering her shoulder with grey ink.

"Are you here... as atonement for your wrong doings?"

It was always hard to tell what Yamamoto implied between the lines of his statements, but Barry was sharp. She was keen enough to catch the dubious nature of his inquiry. "No."

She fingered a latch on her belt. Her smooth, pale face expressed nothing as she gazed at the town before her. At the battles, the struggles, before her.

"I will never attempt to justify my actions."

"Then what is your reasoning?"

"Do you require a reason for the jointing of an ally?" Her counter wasn't sharp, wasn't touchy. It was smooth and sleek- it seemed all of her actions were lately. She didn't dare get fresh with Yamamoto. The apathetic bomb's artisan brought her hands to her face, rubbing it with a tired motion. Moving a hand to her hair, "Take it how you wish, Old Man," she stepped away from the Soutaicho, closer to the fire that surrounded the man who had lead to her exile.

The man who had manipulated Hazumi, and in turn manipulated the three Nagasaki siblings.

"Just know I am not here to try to win over your heart."

Yamamoto was passive as he listened to the woman, the killer. The exiled shinigami who should have been dead centuries ago.

"That is for the trash beneath our feet. I am not here as an enemy of the state nor am I here to make amends."

Her eye caught the new generation of officers.

She felt nothing.

"So please allow me to do what I do best."

Silence.

She didn't expect Yamamoto to answer. So she didn't wait for one. There was a small grenade-like object in her pale hand now; her thumb rubbed it absentmindedly. The Cap'n Commander watched the woman through squinted eyes and made no move to interfere with her decision. Barry cast one last fleeting glance at the explosive in her hand before lightly tossing it into the fire of Yamamoto's zanpakutou, expression clean.

There was a moment where things seemed to still in that one particular area, followed by a crushing sense of energy. Numerous pairs of eyes flew to the spot, surprised or passive or just watching, waiting.

"Who is that woman?" Starrk Coyote and Shunsui Kyōraku stood yards apart, blades drawn. A small hiatus in their fight to view to effects of the power that had just risen. Kyōraku just spoke with a low-tone, seemingly unaffected. "A perplexing woman, she is."

Surrounding the ring of fire that enclosed the defected captains now stood a tall, tent like barrier. Its edges were rigid and sharp, and it was a greyish color. It wasn't all concrete- in fact, the barrier looked ghostly, almost plasma-like. Like it wasn't really there.

But one would be a fool to underestimate its abilities.

Barry's abilities.

"They should be feeling the heat a bit more, now." The explosives whiz knew Aizen and his other captains could hear. Beyond the flames, beyond the barrier and reiatsu- she knew he was aware of her and Mon's arrival even before she made it known.

"It's been awhile, Sosuke. I do hope that... the heat is not unbearable. It would be a shame to melt that pretty face of yours."

And from inside, a shadow of a smirk crossed the antagonist's lips as his eyes closed slowly.

Barry Nguyen. A name he hadn't heard in centuries- a name he had not bothered to track. Even Aizen himself had lost Barry when she had fled to to human world. A shame. The woman was brilliant. She would have been a useful alliance to keep. Alas, she was only an inconsequential inconvenience. Making her weak companion, Egao Monaco, much less of a worry.

"I didn't expect them ta show up, Cap'n Aizen."

Ichimaru addressed the villain, smiling that smile that had forever been pasted on his face.

"A minor but pleasant surprise, Gin." And his chestnut eyes opened, boring a hole through the flames with just a glance.

"No trouble at all, Barry-san. It is... acceptable, to feel your reiatsu again. I do wish I could see your face. It _has_ been too long."

And from the other side of the blazing wall, he heard the _clink clink _of a lighter, a deliberate exhale, and her echoed, monotone voice. "I always did hate that sickly, potent polite guise of yours. It makes my stomach churn, _Maron-chan._" **(2)**

And the _zip_ of her shunpo signifying her leave.

Aizen just stood there inside the fire, seemingly calm- that facade as always. Something had settled in then- the familiarity that Barry had addressed him with, the boldness she possessed to directly address him. For her to even _attempt_ to cause him discomfort. The openness and informality she had forever possessed, and even from there he had felt the unceremonious gesture of her lighting those cigarette of hers.

He didn't know to feel angered by her nonchalant nature or amused at her meaningless antics.

But he knew one thing- two things, now that it came to mind.

She knew it would instill this effect. Her intellect was what the two had formerly had in common. That was what they had shared. She was fairly skilled in the game of manipulation- a trait in which they, too, had in common.

But Aizen knew another thing.

When the time came, Barry would get hers.

And he would be the one to personally deliver the finishing touch.

Barry knew there was a chasm between the two in regards to power; she knew they were both regarded as wretches where Seireitei was concerned. She knew and accepted this; Aizen could tell just by her presence, by the feel of her there.

She was just a lackluster version of the woman he had met centuries ago.

_How tragic you have become, Barry Nguyen._

**-X-**_  
_

Barry pulled a face at the monster before her.

Planting a small hand on her thin hip, she watched and waited for the shinigami to subdue the monstrosity. But they were failing. The giant hollow was a rock- Allon, she recalled the woman Arrancar spouting out with arrogance.

Barry would annihilate that arrogance as soon as she disposed of this heinous creature.

She had not felt the chill as the other shinigami had- she had tried not to think it, attempted to not lose herself to the depth, but it was futile. She knew the moment she laid eyes on that beast- she was immune to his instillation of fear. She was hardened to the aspect of emptiness. No chills had wracked her spine as she stared into the black hole of emptiness, of hollowness.

At the moment, the beast Allon had a particularly good-looking shinigami in his hand, crushing the poor soul senseless. What a way to die. A pity to waste such a pretty face.

Oh- never mind.

Now he was approaching the Kido barrier that a blonde Fukutaicho had erected. Looked like he was going in the for the kill. What a mindless being, Barry thought with not a touch of sympathy.

Now was the time to move. The woman's movements were undetected as she flashed towards the monster with breakneck speed, until she was there. Registered a second too late. With a passive eye she watched Allon still, rotate his head in a one-eighty to stare at her.

Emptiness, at its best.

And not a second later did an explosion rock the earth, causing a colossal force to skyrocket. The heat, velocity, speed of the fireball was intense. Nuclear, Mechanical, Natural- it didn't matter. Barry had bombs; she'd use them at her will. And right now, there was a hole in the monstrosity's chest, so you could see through and through.

From her peripheral vision Barry had seen Yamamoto about to move, but she did before he could. There was no need for him to draw his zanpakutou on this brute-

A red burst of energy shot right at the woman.

Moments passed.

Smoke and rubble and dirt.

Virtually destroyed.

And then Barry surfaced, undeterred.

_"A cero is meaningless." _

Allon howled- it was horrific, the sound. The sound of every hollow was- they made no difference to the artisan. This one was empty, yet so full of rage- just like every single other hollow out there. She hadn't ever come across an intelligible hollow. She didn't plan on it, either.

A sigh escaped the navy-haired woman's lips as the creature's arm grew and grew, full of rage and hate and intent to slaughter.

Mindless. What a waste of energy.

"Strengthen your barrier, Fukutaicho," Barry was tossing a small orb in her hand, up and down in a repetitive motion as she watched the hollow grow with hatred. She only glanced back at Kira Izuru, olive orbs full of nothing. They reflected not one emotion. "This thing's about to die."

She stepped forward as Allon brought up his enormous claw, swiping down with such force-

Barry was gone.

**"Kuufuku." (3)**

There was a overwhelming perception to all five senses, affecting each being on the field. It was too bright to see, too loud to hear, too pungent to taste, to sharp to touch, to potent to smell. The force brought even an Espada to their knees.

And sensation rushed back to each individual.

First sight: Allon was split clean in two. He was burning slowly, a grey fire. His halves fell, and there Barry sat in the middle. It was impressive, there was no denying it.

"What the hell? Taicho!" Ōmaeda's outburst did nothing to Soifon, both standing not too far from Baraggan Luisenbarn. The Nibantai Taicho was too immersed in the woman who had so easily taken down that being- who was now seated like her part was done. That ebbed at her patience. Until the Segunda Espada stole her attention.

She needn't worry about the woman; she was insignificant.

**"YOU BITCH!" **

Barry slowly brought her gaze to stare at the three Arrancar above her. She didn't react; she was still sitting. Only a slight glimmer in her dull green eyes.

They were just about on her-!

And a flick of Barry's wrist silenced all three of them, her gaze on the sky as the three female Arrancar fell to the ground, immobile.

Paralyzed by needles.

"What... the hell?" came from the one with navy hair- Barry had not caught their names.

They were insignificant.

Casting a fleeting glance at their inert builds, "Sorry, Arrancar."

And their body's went up in a sizzling smoke.

"That woman..." Starrk had watched it all.

Each small movement that the seemingly intelligent woman had made, each word she had uttered.

He had watched all he could.

Kyōraku quirked his lips as he saw Barry rub her face with exasperation, falling back to hover on her uneven spine. The woman was a wonderment.

"Barry is not to be taken lightly, Espada-san."

_Barry._

Even the woman's name was intriguing. Why? Starrk wondered silently.

Why had this woman, seemingly no one, enraptured his interest...?

But he needn't ask himself that.

He knew from the moment he saw that dull shimmer in her pea-colored eyes.

_She has that same emptiness. _

_The loneliness._

_

* * *

_

**( H A Z U M I )**

"Luck seems to be on your side today, Hazumi-san. Your bones are realigning and shaping up quite nicely."

Unohana Retsu smiled from by my side, the lines on her face creasing with nurturing, motherly goodness. I was sitting Indian fashion on the white, grainy sand of Las Noches as I held out my arm straight for the Yobantai Taicho to work her magic. No- not magic, but skill.

A silent sigh escaped my lips as I stared forward, nodding absentmindedly. My mind was elsewhere, as was my heart.

"You are eager."

"The understatement of the century, Unohana-san," came my dry response.

"Your voice seems to have strength again."

She was referring to my throat. As you might recall, it had been cut. Slashed.

Well, Unohana was God in my eyes. "Yes, thank you. The serum work just fine, as always."

"Your abilities had helped as well, Hazumi."

Yes, how could I forget Kuria-Dei?

"They are fine, Hazumi-san." Unohana always knew how I felt. She was so sensitive, but I guess that was why she was Cap'n of the most nurturing division out there. Closing my coal orbs, my shoulders slumped. "Yes, I know that."

My friends were all okay at the moment.

"You should worry about your own injuries." Something in her voice caused me to look over at the gentle woman, and upon seeing her blue eyes on my abdomen, I glanced down. I was confused as to why she was concentrating solely on my torso; I felt nothing there.

There was no longer any blood on my black, sleeveless turtleneck, and there were only a handful of splotches on my black stretch pants. However, there was a good amount of crimson coating my purple Kido obi. "You should watch for internal injuries," came her quiet voice.

I blinked, staring at her big, blue eyes, "Nani?"

She nodded, analyzing my torso before hover a hand over my ribs.

"Your liver and lungs do not look well."

_Oh shit._

"Will it cause me problems in the next few days?"

"It is hard to tell."

"Unohana..."

She gave me a look, which I returned. She wouldn't win this battle.

Finally the motherly woman sighed, "It is best not to strain yourself."

"You know I cannot do that," came my muted reply.

She was quiet, looking at me with her blue eyes. Her face was so soft- I vaguely wondered why she couldn't be my mother. I certainly deemed her worthy enough for the job. The Yobantai Taicho broke me out of my musings with another sigh, "I know. It does not seem like a pressing matter, but... you should be cautious."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

But that thought flew straight out the door when a sudden explosion of power resonated throughout the spacious Las Noches. It was Ichigo. I recognized the other reiatsu almost immediately. The shot of a cero hammered the nail on the head.

"Ulquiorra Cifer." The name rolled off my tongue with spitting malice; it had my one hand clenching at my side as I stared at the other one- still useless. Anger flooded my senses as I realized the idiot boy was fighting the Cuarto Espada. Without me there. I felt Inoue's power for a split second, burning the edges of my mind. Ebbing at me, like an annoying pull.

I had yet to understand why it bothered me so.

_**I told you Neutralization and Rejection are not compatible.**_

_That still doesn't make sense to me Dei. They're __like... the same things, aren't they? _

_**Nonsense, you idiot girl.**_

I almost sighed out loud in exasperation at my stuck-up zanpakutou, but I contained my annoyance. Unohana probably wouldn't let me leave if she knew I had been talking to myself a whole lot lately.

_Then please enlighten me, Oh Wise One._

Kuria-Dei sighed loudly from inside my head, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

I hoped Unohana didn't see that...

_**Her rejection virtually erases something from existence. **_

_**Our neutralization only goes to the extent of stopping a problem. **_

_**We stop it; she gets rid of it.**_

_That's so fucking similar. You're stupid. _

_**Haven't you heard the saying, 'Opposites attract, similarities repel...?'**_

_No. Not once._

My deadpan came with silence, so I just took it as my winning the battle.

"You are irritated. I assure you, I am doing my best, Hazumi-san."

Unohana was observing my expression with a calm eye, causing me to still.

I forced a smile, "Oh, sorry. It's not you..."

My eyes trailed to where the reiatsu was leaking. So many people in such a small area. Another Espada had arrived on Ichigo's scene. And so had Uryū?

_What the hell is going on? _

"This part of the procedure may hurt a bit, Hazumi-san. It's the final stages of bone alignment. Your fractures are taking time."

I glanced away from her, gritting my teeth as I started to feel a sting. "Just do it."

From my periphery I saw her nod, followed by a prickling sensation emanating from her hands.

And then the burning pain.

My bones were _cracking_ and _splicing_ all over again. It was a disgusting sound, hearing the realignment of one's bones. The _pops_ and _cracks_ and _splints._ You can bet I was cursing like a sailor throughout the whole process, too.

"Almost done. You're doing great." I bet she said that to all her patients. I had enough experience to know Unohana was just being merciful. She seldom let her patients suffer without consolation. I should have known; I had been her Fukutaicho at one time. It seemed like forever as those last moments dragged on, when I heard the last few _cracks_ of my bones. I was breathing heavily by the time she finished, lowering her gentle hands. My arm collapsed to my side, and I clenched that hand, feeling the muscles and tendons and nerves all back in my control. It took a few minutes for me to regain my composure. I felt beads of sweat racing down the side of my face, and my eyes were watering.

Drawing a breath, "Thank you, Unohana-san. You are... a miracle in itself."

I started to rise, shaking.

"You are pale. Sit for a moment, Hazumi-san. The battlefield can wait."

But as I lifted my gaze to stare at the artificial sky above, I saw two figures.

Towers.

A mop of orange hair.

Indifference in the other figure's poise.

Swallowing thickly, "No, it cannot," I glanced at her now standing figure, "thank you for your help. I'll always be grateful."

I adjusted Kuria-Dei at my waist, strapping her to my Kido belt. Proffering a forced smile in Unohana's direction, I flashed away. There was a hole in the roof of Las Noches. That was my goal. Ichigo was there, and I would be damned if I let him face Ulquiorra alone.

_"You won't die."_

_And neither will you. _

The hole was so close.

I was there!

Landing on my feet.

Just a few feet away from Ichigo. He glanced over at me, blinking. His mask was on.

It didn't unnerve me anymore.

I couldn't see his expression, but I could feel a dull throb of his emotion. It was numb, barely there even, but I got it. I held onto it. And I spat right in its face.

I wanted to yell at him. The stupid boy was trying to finish this without me. He was trying to be the hero and shove me away. He wanted to push me into a safe little corner and forget about this.

Not bloody likely.

I was just about to curse at the boy, but a sudden utterance had me stilling. Something that had been said, that had been released.

Something that had my blood chilling.

Something that I had thought I would never hear.

**"Isolate, Murciélago." **

Ever again.

A blast of energy came from atop a tall pillar before Ichigo and me, but I was rooted to the stop. My black eyes widened with fear and shock and... remorse.

The anger I felt towards Ichigo flooded away in seconds.

The green, acid-like rain sprayed down on us just barely, but I didn't comprehend it. I was lost in myself. I couldn't think, I couldn't breath. I vaguely heard Ichigo calling my name, but I was gone. My heart was beating so fast. My hands were clammy and my mouth felt numb and tasted bitter.

I did not see Ulquiorra gazing down at me, no spark of emotion in his eye.

Only slight understanding.

Comprehension alight in his emerald eyes.

My lips barely moved, _"Wh-Why...?"_

Ichigo's voice was morphed from his mask, like he was speaking through a water filter.

"What? What is it? Speak, Hazumi!"

He was scared of my own fear.

What a stupid boy.

I felt dizzy. I felt nauseous. I could barely utter the words. Any words. I was going to be sick.

My eyes filled with sickness.

And my voice was only a horrified whisper.

_"Why... does he have Reizo's zanpakutou?"_

**-X-**

_Let me cope._

_Yeah?_

_I won't cry,_

_I promise._

_Big Brother._

_I always will_

_Love_

_You._

_But I have to _

_Let go_

_Sometime,_

_Right?_

_Yeah.  
_

_

* * *

_**(1) **Kudos to you if you know where that line came from.

**(2)** Means: Chestnut

**(3)** Means: Hunger


	34. Hazumi and Ulquiorra: The Haunting

**EDITED CHAPTER**

Hah. I wasn't lazy. If you spot typos or something, feel free to tell me. I won't bite.

Much.

* * *

**A/N:** Ahg. So much trouble with this chapter. First, I couldn't figure what to write. Then when I know, I start to post. And then a giant power surge repetitively plagues my neigbborhood. So my computer is spazzing. Stupid thing causes me more trouble then it's worth. So, good thing I had this saved to this other computer, or there'd be a helluva long wait. So, just for you all ;)

_Thanks, guys. You are all marvelous people:_

**Mute Thoughts, Shadowgouf, Nightcat102, Animelover1993, Eradona, Eklipt, Shadow of a Broken Angel, XxKuragari no KagexX, GaarasMyBoyzz, LogicOfFire, Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama.**

_It makes me sick how awesome you are. _

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_Treinta y tres:_**

_"Hazumi and Ulquiorra: The Haunting"  
_

_

* * *

_

We had so many

Good times

And very few

Bad.

Your memory stands

Untouched and untainted.

The good

Overshadows

The bad.

I forgive you.

Now please,

Let me

Understand.

* * *

_"Nii-chan..."_

My mind was shutting down. My senses and reactions were going on autopilot. Just the fresh air of Reizo's reiatsu and the sight of his energy had the effect of enveloping me in a warm safety-blanket. I did not want to believe this, and yet I did. My brother's presence, his essence and spirit and charm were all flooding the spacious, blank area of the dome of Las Noches.

I felt him there.

_But he's not real anymore. He tried to kill me. _

_He's not here! _

A light sheen had glossed over my eyes, and I frantically grasped at those thoughts, short of breath.

I was being ripped apart from the inside out.

Just as I saw Ulquiorra's green spear attempt to decapitate my sub shinigami.

My hand outstretched in a desperate gesture, reaching for the boy. _"NO!" _

The explosion of power- impact- had forced me to move, and my head was spinning. I had landed on my hands and knees in the crunchy sand, eyes wide and panicked and I was panting like an animal.

_No no no. This is all wrong. This can't be happening! _

My hands rooted themselves in my thick blonde hair, and I scrunched my coal orbs in a vain attempt to piece things together. My mind was dulled to my surroundings. I didn't see Ichigo standing in front of me, protecting me. I didn't hear him calling out to me over his shoulder. My horrified murmur of a voice was the only physical reaction coming from me, _"No no no. Reizo is gone. This doesn't... No..."_

And yards away, Ulquiorra stood tall. "You cannot protect both the woman and yourself, Kurosaki Ichigo. It is now a choice of which life holds more importance to you."

_What the fuck is happening!_

And a crystal clear voice cut clean through my panic.

**"HAZUMI, MOVE!" **

The static of Sonído.

"Too late."

Bloody perfect. The moment I can react mentally, I can't physically.

The jade energy was coming down on me-!

_BOOM._

Raw power. The sheer dominance of the sinister force was beyond frightening. Why was everything happening so fast? Why couldn't I come up with a feasible explanation as to why Ulquiorra's power was so goddamn similar to my elder brother's? It was the exact same signature.

_And why the hell am I alive after I didn't move from that strike...?_

My last question had come with the force of falling. Literally. I had been dropped on the ground quite unceremoniously. My arms shot to the ground in an attempt to lift myself, and I blinked a few times, brows furrowing as I heard contrived breathing from beside me. Actions were blurred and morphed around me, moving so slow and dulled. My brain just wouldn't click.

That was, until the _splash_ of blood spilled to the ground.

"Ichigo!" The boy was desperately trying not to hunch beside me, tired and bleeding. And as his gaze slowly cast a fleeting glance at my form, a nasty feeling of fear started to bloom in my gut. "Your... your mask..." Had a good chunk carved from it over his eye.

His morphed, strangled voice reached my ears. "Why the _hell_ are you here, Hazumi?"

_What...?_

"You expected me to stay away?"

"Yeah! That's exactly what I expected of you!"

"Not bloody likely!"

**"You're only in the way!" **

That left me feeling cold, despite the hot fury lining his tone. I had never...

Ichigo had never uttered those words to me.

I hadn't heard those words since...

_"Reizo-nii!"_

_ "Stay back, Hazumi!"_

_ "I want to help!"_

_ "You're only in the way!" _

Hosyu's barely contained fury reached me in a _flash_. _"You're always in the way, Hazumi. Stupid Nee-san. Don't you ever learn!"_

And the boys of Kusajishi, back in the day. _"You hold your brothers back, Hazumi-chan~. You're only a block in their path."_

Reizo's explanation. "_You contribute to those limits, Hazumi. You weigh me down. You have always weighed me down. And now I'm cutting it off."_

Fear and anger crawled up my spine. Fear and anger clouted my judgment. This was where I made my first mistake. I had taken my eyes off of Ichigo's hunched form. I had torn my eyes away from his, unable to notice the shimmer of desperation in those _now yellow _orbs.

I had underestimated the extent to which Ichigo Kurosaki would go to keep me away.

So when I felt a sharp pain on the back of my neck, only a small sound escaped my lips before my coal orbs fluttered shut.

My body hitting the ground with a dull _thud_.

And Ichigo lifting my limp form away, wary of Ulquiorra standing in the distance. Waiting. He didn't question it- he didn't want to know the answer as to why the Espada was waiting. But the sub shinigami just _flashed_ away, setting my still body down a good distance from the looming creature that Ulquiorra had become.

He knew. Ichigo knew what my exact reaction would have been.

He had used that. He had played on my emotions. He had... manipulated me.

But at the time, I was ignorant to the fact that my agreement to stay away in a world untouched would ultimately lead to Ichigo's demise.

_I'm sorry, Hazumi._

_But I can't let you hurt anymore._

_It kills me._

_Just stay safe, dammit. You stupid girl._

His hand buried itself in my thick hair in a last attempt to grasp security- that warm feeling that always popped up when he saw me. He couldn't explain it- he was just a boy who had taken way too much fancy to a girl.

A girl who had five hundred years weighing on her shoudlers.

He wanted to take that weight away.

His eyes melted before he straightened and took off.

_Hazumi..._

* * *

_**You're hurting.**_

"_Shut the hell up. I'm not in the mood."_

_I was turning a blind eye to the fight. I was shying away from Ulquiorra's strong reiatsu and Ichigo's wavering power. I was hurt and angry and so fucking confused._

_**I'm sure he did not mean-**_

_"He knew exactly what he was saying, Dei! He knew! And what the hell was that? He knocked me out like a fucking toddler!"_

_**So maybe he did.**_

_My dock was soggy and broken and weak against the violence of the sea. _

_The rain was pouring in sheets, but it did nothing to cool my steam. _

_**You're acting a bit ridiculous, Hazumi...**_

_"Am I, Dei? I __confided in the bastard. He knew that would hurt. Goddammit!" _

_**He wants you safe.**_

_"He wanted me away!"_

_**To be safe.**_

_ "Moot point." _

_**This is stupid. Leave.**_

_"It's my mind. I'll stay however long I please." _

_Silence. Kuria-Dei finally understood. _

_**This is not about Ichigo.**_

_"The hell do you think it's about, Dei? What can you possibly know? You're only a part of my fucking soul." _

_**I am just as befuddled as you are concerning Reizo's stance in this.**_

_ Hit the nail on the head. My spine stiffened and my eyes hardened. My lips pulled a deep frown._

_ I shut down. _

_**Don't you do that.**_

_"What the hell do you want me to do? No. Don't tell me. I don't care." _

_**You-**_

_"I don't want to hear it. Just leave." _

_**I can't.**_

_"Get off my fucking dock."_

_**Hazumi just listen to me-**_

_"Get the fuck away from me."_

_ And suddenly she was gone. Only the rain was in existence._

_**I won't ever really leave.**_

_Scratch that. She was just on the other harbor miles away now. _

_Why could I still hear her voice as clearly as before? I sighed. _

"You're only in the way."

_That stung more than it should have. It hit home. And he just bonked me on the back of my neck, rendering me to an unconscious state. I mean, really? Really! _

_**He didn't mean to, Hazumi. **_

_"Then he should have kept his idiot mouth shut. He should have kept his hands to himself." _

_**You don't handle rejection too well, do you.**_

_"It's not that! It's just... I could have helped him! I could have kept up, dammit! He just pushed me away like I was useless!" My fists slammed the wooden boards of the dock, shaking. I was so bloody angry with the big idiot. I was not useless! _

_**I'm not so sure we could have kept up.**_

_"Says you." _

_**The rational part of your mind.**_

_"My mind is my mind. You're only a piece of my soul. Don't go bouncing around like you own me." _

_**You're digressing.**_

_ Yes, I was. I tended to do that in times of frustration. _

_**Don't be so sore. He'll finish this and... there is Aizen.**_

_I faltered. _

_Kuria-Dei jumped right on that. __**You want Aizen. You want his head on a mantle on your wall. And yet... why do you want Ulquiorra as well? **_

_I had thought the answer was obvious._

Ichigo's blood was on his hands. He had... killed Ichigo. Ichigo was not breathing.

_"I won't let that happen again." _

_**Your protective instincts are kicking it overdrive, it seems. **_

_"What can I say?"_

_**You love the boy.**_

_"There's no denying it now."_

_**Then why can't you see he only wants the same for you?**_

_ "Because he doesn't love me. He's a teenager. He doesn't know what love is."_

_**Now you're being a cynic.**_

_** And digressing again.**_

_"You brought it up."_

_** I simply stated the feeling is mutual between the two of you.**_

_ "Yeah." _

_**And in doing so I have successfully quelled your rising panic.**_

_Damn her. "Yeah." _

_**Now leave.**_

_"Bitch..."_

_ I was gone. _

_Kuria-Dei sighed, rubbing her hands on her face. There was no doubting the fact that Hazumi would chew out Ichigo for all he was worth. Even the genial zanpakutou hadn't foreseen his rash action of knocking Hazumi unconscious. It was unexpected; it was slightly out of character. _

_But that in turn only lead to Kuria-Dei original conclusions. _

_**He does care. Maybe to the extent that you won't be able to fully comprehend, you dumb blonde.**_

_But that Espada was still alive. _

_**This will not... end well.**_

_**

* * *

**_

Kurosaki Ichigo.

A strange boy, he was. Surely he had known his attempts at inflicting even a single scratch on Ulquiorra-sama would be in vain, correct?

Brilliant blue eyes blinked up expectantly at the large tear in the sky, a small frown curving soft lips.

Harribel-sama had told the girl to stay put.

What was the use of a bird without wings?

In this case, what use was a fighter without the skill, or even the will, to inflict damage?

Soft purple hair cascaded down the girl's back, long and straight and smooth as silk. Her delicate, porcelain face was smoothed over without a worry, but her big blue eyes would not stray from the artificial sky. Her hands dangled at her sides, her fingers long and narrow. On one of these said fingers hand a ring like-object seemingly painted to her skin. Upon a closer inspection, one would see bones. Straight, jagged bones encircling her left ring finger. A pitiful excuse for a Hollow's mask.

Then again, the girl had been told she was a pitiful excuse of an Arrancar. But Harribel-sama had taken her in, despite the girl's lack of certainty and skill. Apache and Mila-Rose and Sun-Sun had thought the girl was a weakling- that she didn't deserve to take up such precious time of Harribel-sama's. Nonetheless, Harribel-sama had thought her worthy of becoming one of her own- Harribel-sama's very own Fracción.

But that didn't matter. Harribel-sama had told her to stay in Las Noches. She would return soon. But this Kurosaki boy piqued the willowy Arrancar's interest. He emitted such emotions, such vibrant energy.

She had never come across such a thing. It was foreign. It was different and surreal and beyond comprehension. And she was drawn to it. Just like that shinigami woman. The blonde one with thick, long hair. She was lean and fit and not tall but not short, and she had these big black eyes that reflected ink. The Arrancar had watched their interactions with several Espada and had not moved. She just wanted to know what this was.

Emotion.

Feeling.

Motivation. These traits, these _things_ swirled in the girl's brain. She wanted to know, so she observed. So far, she had come to the conclusion that they seemed quite bothersome, and yet useful. It looked not so bad- feeling not so numb and alone. Loneliness was not uncommon in Hueco Mundo, and surely not something to gripe about- and yet, these two, the boy and the girl, were not lonely. They had each other. The Arrancar could only guess that this was what it meant to care.

The girl found her feet moving towards the sky.

Like a bird.

**-X-**

I awoke to a scream.

Not some scream like, 'Ahh, my leg's on fire,' but more like a sound of a shrill heartbreak. Literally, a heart splitting at the seems and virtually imploding. It was deafening and quite startling- not something I would want to ever hear again, actually. It was worse than a Hollow's howl- a moan and shriek of emptiness.

This wasn't empty.

_Oh, how I wish it was._

It was brimming with emotion. So much goddamn emotion flew at me the second my eyes fluttered open. There was a dull throb in the back of my head, signifying a headache was about to thrash my skull. My vision was blurry and fouled up, and my mouth tasted dry.

_"Ucgh." _I started to slowly sit up, groaning when the hammering in my skull intensified. I managed to sit up straight, blinking my eyes repetitively and succeeding to cast away my nausea. I was sitting in a pillar. A pillar broken open. Rubble surrounded me, and I vaguely realized there was something warm dripping from the side of my face. Gingerly I brought my hand up to my hairline, wincing as I felt blood.

_What the...?_

But I was tugged out of my mindless wonderment as explosions came from outside my pillar, and scream after scream after scream. The same thing was being shouted over and over, but it was slightly muffled from my distance. Huh. The last thing I remembered happening was...

My lips twisted in a particularly nasty snarl. _"Ichigo you bastard..."_

Making my way to my feet, my black eyes hardened in annoyance, and a gritted my teeth with frustration. Oh. That boy was going to get it. My foot was going straight for his face next time I saw that idiot. Checking for my zanpakutou, I adjusted Kuria-Dei on my waist before stepping towards the hole in the pillar, blinking at my surroundings.

The energy was coming from my left.

So that's where I started for. I stepped onto the air, and I was gone in a _flash_ of movement.

In retrospect, I chide myself for such stupid brash pace. I should have been more aware of my surroundings. I should have gauged each reiatsu in the area before just taking off like that. Maybe I wouldn't have been so horrified when I arrived on scene. It was stupid of me to go in blindly like that. I don't know why I did- maybe it was because I had just woken up from a rude put out, or maybe because this headache I had was distracting. There shouldn't have been any excuses, though.

Because when my feet touched the ground again, after I had gathered myself enough to check and see just what the hell was going on- I remembered the entire situation at hand. It was one thing to remember Reizo's presence, but it was another to see Ulquiorra using that power of his. Of my brother's. And now the Espada looked different- felt more like my brother. And... where the hell was Ichigo?

It was at that time that I suddenly realized...

_I can't sense him!_

It had the hair on my arms on edge, and it had me suddenly whirling around in a circle, eyes now wide with growing panic. My stomach felt like it had a swarm of mad butterflies just chillin' square in the center of it- the bad kind of butterflies. The mean ones.

Because then my knees buckled.

I saw Ichigo Kurosaki.

My world- shattering all around me.

I saw my substitute shinigami- my friend, lying on the hard sand. Unmoving. Still.

_"Ichi...go...?" _

Inoue was on her knees beside the boy, terrified. Panicked. Scared and hurt and confused and crying. It was her that was shouting. She was screaming his name, I realized with a numbing shock.

This didn't make sense. My feet were moving forward, just a little more.

Just a few more paces. I felt like I had gone to another place, then.

I felt like I wasn't really in my body as I looked down at Ichigo's inert build.

There was a hole in his chest. His eyes were wide with shock. He wasn't breathing or moving or any of his reiatsu was just... not there. He was dead, I deduced.

With a numb realization, I saw Ichigo was dead.

_"He's... he's..."_

Inoue's grey, teary eyes found my form.

_"He's dead."_

_"Don't say that, Hazumi-san!"_

He was dead.

_**Hazumi.**_

Ichigo was... dead.

_**No, Hazumi.**_

Why had I... not done anything? That look, forever painted on his face. Frozen in time. He had died in shock and alone.

_**HAZUMI NO! STOP THIS!**_

I was not there to stop this. I was not there to jump in the way. I had not been there as his last breath had passed. My hands were shaking, I saw through numb eyes.

_**Fight it! I can't stop this!**_

I vaguely wondered what nonsense Kuria-Dei was spouting about this time.

_**It burns...!**_

And suddenly I wasn't in front of Ichigo anymore.

_**"**_**Bachi no Seken,**_**" **_it was a dull and lifeless utterance.

But you could see the rage behind it all. Raw and primal.

Lashing out through my eyes. Uryū was beside me, injured and weak. Ulquiorra was just a few yards away. Reizo was just yards away. I wasn't really there. I was trapped inside the red, hot rage. I was no longer in control of my movements. I had succumbed to that simmer that had first shown up back in Barry's warehouse- back when Mon had first mentioned my three charges and the murder. This time I embraced the fury.

_Bachi no Seken_ was with me, sharp and jagged and ready to strike. She wanted blood.

I would give it to her without one ounce remorse.

"You understand your foreseeable demise, Shinigami." Ulquiorra's voice was monotonous and dull. I hated it. I hated so many things. I hated not knowing and being useless. I fought so hard for composure and control, yet I could only bite out a response.

"From your reiatsu and your abilities, I'd say you were my brother."

Uryū stiffened from beside me. "What?"

He was insignificant at the time. I ignored the boy. This was between two very old beings, now. He was a runt in my eyes. In _our_ eyes. _Bachi no Seken_ and me.

We hated many things.

"Yet that would be naïve of me, right, Ulquiorra Cifer." It wasn't a question. Just a conformation spoken aloud. He stepped forward, summoning a spear. This time was not like the former javelin. This was heavier and more violent.

I recognized it.

**"Lanza del Relámpago." **My lips moved before his could. He only locked jade with coal-

And then he threw that weapon of his. Just the force of it all, the speed and power of that one little javelin was enough to instill a paralyzing fear. It could cripple you in seconds, then destroy you with impact. I was only feeling a small amount of fear.

Fear and anger were the emotions I had most often felt. Now there was more rage than fear. The sadness had not surfaced yet. I was numb. I barely had the speed to get away from the colossal explosion- it did not frighten me.

Ulquiorra flashed over to me in seconds, swiping down with his clawed arm-

Bachi_ no Seken _meeting it halfway. I was instantly thwarted back. There was no competition. The Espada with my brother's power was much more powerful than me. There was no match. I went crashing into a nearby pillar, tumbling over rubble and tossing stones in my wake. I gripped my staffed-zanpakutou in one hand, contrived breaths spilling from my lips.

The static of Sonído, and then Ulquiorra's feet were in sight.

I rotated my gaze to see him standing there, expressionless.

Blood was running in my eye.

"You absorbed my brother when he came to join Aizen."

A iron grip on my throat, and I was tossed outside.

Falling. I hit the sand with so much force I thought I could not get up.

But I only had to think about orange, and that had my legs moving to stand. Ulquiorra was before me again. No expression. Nothing. I couldn't even begin to elaborate on how dull he was. Nothing came at me. No emotion.

"What did Aizen do," I spat, lips twisting, "destroy him and keep his essence? Is that what you are? A cheap imitation of my brother!"

_Thud._

I hit the dirt again, but I didn't rise right away. He was tossing me around like garbage- we both knew it.

This was a slaughter.

"'Humans... call it empathy. Shinigami call it sympathy. You call it apathy,' Nagasaki Reizo had said. Yet... is this apathy that you possess?"

I snapped.

_"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK OF HIM, YOU TRASH!" _

I scrambled to my feet, grasping the golden staff in my hand. I was shaking, I had been so angry.

**"Neutralización** **Oscura!" **

Just as before with Grimmjow, impure tendrils shot out from the tip of my staff- the black orb in which inhabited the tiny space. Ulquiorra simply held out his hand, crumbling the tendrils in seconds. "You defend your brother, even after he tried to murder you. A weak attempt."

I went on, despite my rationality.

Desperation had set in. **"Oscuridad Absoluta!" **

My technique was incomplete. The black explosion was not as powerful as it should have been. Ulquiorra had destroyed the tendrils that were in existence to keep the strength flowing between me and my attack.

I heard a small utterance inside the sooty smoke, and I knew then that shit had hit the fan, **"Cero Oscuras."**

I was engulfed in the black cero.

It was suffocating and agonizing and I-

_Ichigo is dead._

I absorbed it in moments.

"Interesting."

Both of my hands were on my staff. I was leaning on it for all I was worth, bloody and...

_Ichigo is gone._

The orb atop of my staff started to shake violently.

"I hate... this." I was shaking with so much fury. The sadness was trickling in my thoughts now. My eyes filled with moisture. My staff was quaking now. Blood dripped down. I didn't know the origin. My clothes only felt wet in some places, dry in others.

_"My brother is gone. Ichigo is gone. What more... What more can you lot take from me! WHAT MORE CAN YOU PURLOIN!"_

"Your life."

"You'll never get the chance," and in the same breath, I used my last wild card.

The last trick up my sleeve. With _Bachi no Seken_ poised to kill, I found my legs moving, and Ulquiorra seemed to just stand there.

_"The thing about humans is weird, Hazumi-nee-chan. Humans will create, even if there is nothing to build with."_

I was doing the same thing. I was creating the strength I had never had. The will I had never possessed because I was too apathetic. The blasé Barry Nguyen had never really helped with my motivation, either. But now... _Ichigo's death_ snapped the last morsel of sanity that I had left.

My staff was just inches from Ulquiorra's chest when it was stopped. The blades were just a centimeter from his skin.

"This was... your final attempt. How... pitiful."

My lips curved in a sardonic smile, and my eyes glowed with malice, "We'll rot together, Ulquiorra Cifer."

Just as the orb on my staff splintered into pieces.

An intense explosion was the result. Instantaneous and swift, lethal and violent. Torturous and agonizing. The power I had accumulated over the years- absorbed from various enemies and myself- imploded in that small sphere.

And it was a hell of an explosion, too.

I had flown so far away.

I was barely conscious- I only was because Kuria-Dei was back in my hands. _Bachi no Seken_ was no longer released. I had nothing left to give her. I had released my Bankai's power.

In turn it had rocked not just Las Noches, but Hueco Mundo as a whole.

So imagine my shock when I was still flying back from the impact-

And Ulquiorra Cifer emerges from the black before me, a fresh **Lanza del Relámpago **in his grasp.

And he hurled it straight at me. I didn't have time to dodge. I couldn't- I was in midair.

I could only watch the impact.

A blinding light, and then a decimating _ripping_ sensation.

Flesh- gone.

I landed on the ground with a hard _thud_.

I couldn't breathe. I felt so much pain.

My quaking hands flew to my wound, an attempt to staunch the bleeding-

But there was nothing to stop.

With a macabre realization, I found there was no flesh. Just below my ribcage, my left side was gone.

There was no flesh. Just a gaping hole in my body.

_No. _

"Shinigami and humans... are so fragile."

My lungs couldn't inflate all the way. I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Sweat and blood coated my build. So much blood.

So cold.

"Aizen-sama... handed me this power through the **Hōgyoku**. Your brother Reizo... willingly succumbed to Aizen-sama's wishes. He was dead before I even met the pitiful soul."

Desperate sounds were escaping my lips, and my eyes were scrunched from the pain. My chest was rising and falling quickly-

I was going into shock.

"If I were to thank someone besides Aizen-sama, it would be Nagasaki Reizo for my complete transformation."

_I... failed._

_Reizo... died for this punk..._

Ulquiorra had blood on him. I couldn't tell if it was mine or his._  
_

"Your brother was supposed to kill you. Instead, he was presumptuous and left you for dead. However... he erased your memory- a sign that he thought there was even a chance of your survival. Aizen-sama concluded it to be a strong, standing sibling loyalty. Because of his failure... he was inept. Aizen-sama disposed of him for a greater use."

The dark was coming.

I was dying.

"Ichi..."

Ulquiorra blinked from above, a small frown curving his lips.

There were burns on his arms and legs and torso, blood splotching here and there. But nothing too serious. He could still walk, breathe, fight.

Kill.

My voice was weak and barely there. _"Ichigo..."_

"He is dead, woman."

He was.

_My fault. _

_"Ichigo."_

I would have sobbed if I could breathe. I would have gotten up if I could stand. I would have healed Ichigo if I could get over there.

"You are dying, and yet... your thoughts lie with him."

_"Ichi...go." _

_My fault._

_ Don't. Please... don't... _

_Why was he dead!  
_

_"ICHIGO...!"_

**-X-**

_Is it really_

_Over?_

_Or I am just_

_Overreacting again?_

_I want to believe_

_So much._

_Please,_

_Let me._

_

* * *

_**So yeah. I'm not sure when the next update will be. My computer sucks.**

**But you lot are magnificent :)**

**Oh, and: I have Eklipt to thank as inspiration for the new character introduced here.**

**And Peterpauper, whose profound story is really inspiring as well.**

**So yeah. So much support and inspiration :)  
**


	35. Mirror of Existence

**A/N:** So. My computer got fixed in a day. Hoorah. This chapter is nice, I thought. But that's just me- the author ;) So here you go.

_You lot are lovely. Thank you very much:_

**Eklipt, Animelover1993, LogicOfFire, Mute Thoughts, GaarasMyBoyzz, Shadowgouf, XxKuragari no KagexX, Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama.**

_Definition of inspiration, right there._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Treinta y cuatro:**_

_"Mirror of Existence"  
_

_

* * *

_Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil

**- Psalm 23:4

* * *

**

_She's calling._

His thoughts, his desperate listenings were responding.

_She's calling me._

That scream- so uncharacteristic to spill from her lips.

_I can hear her._

He could feel her.

She was fading.

_Stand._

She was dying.

_Stand up._

He wouldn't. He couldn't die.

_I..._

Her desolation was tangible.

_I..._

Her thoughts were turning to indiscernible garble. Her presence was leaving.

_I WILL PROTECT HER!_

Hence his willpower making him stand. It was horrific. His transformation- the bridge between human and not. The link of that darkness dwelling and festering inside of him- it had taken over. Things were no longer clear cut with right and wrong. The thought continuously pounded the boy's skull, his only thought. And the only thing he was seeing were those black eyes.

_Protect her._

Hazumi was lying still in the rough sand, barely breathing, barely conscious, barely keeping herself together.

She was in pieces- shattered, fragmented pieces.

The gaping hole in her side was causing a profuse amount of blood to gloss the ground with crimson; shallow, puffed breaths were struggling to escape her lungs. The area from her ribs down to her intestines was clawed away. She couldn't breathe. She was a goner.

Uryū... he couldn't do anything. He could only stare in horror at the risen Ichigo- hollow. Inoue hadn't left Ichigo's side, even though Hazumi was dying. She couldn't bring herself to move. She so desperately wanted for Ichigo to be okay- casting away Hazumi was not her intention. She just couldn't bring herself to worry to the extent for two. Hazumi didn't think anything of it- she understood.

She was slowly accepting her death- but she could not accept Ichigo's.

So as her black eyes followed Ichigo's risen, uncomprehending form- she felt her heart leap quite suddenly, causing a spurt of pain. She moved upon feeling this pain, and in turn only causing more blood to spill. Darkness was creeping around the corners of her vision, but she would not let go. Survival was her specialty, her instinct. Her very own pièce de résistance. She clung to whatever hope that had sprung upon seeing Ichigo, and she would endure this. She _had_ to endure this.

_Why... why do I have to?_ _Ichigo... is alive. This is wrong. He should not be... this way._

A shuddered, breathy inhalation. Only a few more could she handle.

Why had things gone this way?

_Kuria-Dei..._

There was no response to her small call.

There was an absence that she could not identify.

_I cannot..._

She couldn't do this alone, and yet... she had to.

_There is... nothing._

_ Kuria-Dei... where are you?_

Silence.

The girl was fading.

She was dying; she knew it.

_Things... have really picked up. Ichigo- you shouldn't... be like this. _

_Please... don't lose yourself._

She couldn't tell which fluids were what anymore. There was so much blood, sweat, tears. She was frazzled and broken.

Breaking.

_Why can't I... just conk out now..._ _I'll accept this._

Seeing Ichigo like this was frightening, but she could not find herself moving. A reiatsu was building up; she vaguely sensed it. And then... a howl. Somehow, even at Death's door, Hazumi still found that shriek chilling her to the bone. It iced her very core.

_You're... losing yourself... you dumb kid._

Unbeknownst to the _Fuku Kidōchō_, Ichigo could hear her from inside. He could hear her vague thoughts, her breathless whispers. It was killing him. And in turn, fueling that hollow now on the outside.

_I know you're stronger than that..._

Hazumi was just watching with dull eyes. The black had dimmed dramatically. She didn't even know it possible to still be conscious. It was a bit exasperating on her part, actually.

_This reiatsu will finish me before these wounds do,_ the girl thought, a dry curve to her lips signifying her delirium.

With slow movements her edgeless eyes watched the Hollow that had consumed Ichigo charge a ghastly cero.

_That blast will finish me._

She didn't know how to feel. It was Hazumi. She was just as confused as ever. Her emotions weren't playing a strong card now- she was too far gone.

_I suppose... all long..._

Her thoughts were even becoming weaker. It was cutting clean through Ichigo's heart- hearing her like this, and unable to do a thing. It caused another surge of desperation to flood his thoughts, his mind. He could only do this from the inside- he wasn't in control. He barely had enough will to hear the girl.

_I suppose... I loved you from the very beginning._

Ichigo wasn't in enough control to respond- he couldn't react on the shock.

He was lifeless inside that hollow.

_I guess... this is it._

Her greying eyes watched the Hollow Ichigo had become fire off that violent cero, awaiting the pain.

_It's been a good run._

And she was engulfed in the red wave.

* * *

Ulquiorra-sama was going to die.

Through brilliant blue eyes was this deduction assessed. Purple silk fell from the girl's shoulders as she leaned over her intended target, blinking down at the bloodied pulp of a shinigami.

The shinigami woman was very near death. Her lips had turned blue, and that nasty tear in her body was no good. Her chest had stopped moving. But a lingering essence was still there. Blonde hair was matted with maroon; the woman's torso was mutilated as if some claw had mauled her to shreds. And yet, despite her flirting with Death itself, the blonde woman would not let go of that last thread of life. The spool had run out- yet the shinigami somehow still clung to the last fine strand of being.

Was this the length to which emotion would drive living organisms?

Powder blue orbs blinked again at the shinigami, and the Arrancar knelt beside her, gaze full of wonderment. This was quite an odd experience to witness. The shinigami was obviously fighting for her life. Why? What was so fulfilling, so great, to compel such a creature to fight the inevitable?

It didn't make sense- how the God's of Death themselves feared the very thing that they had sovereignty over.

It didn't piece together in the girl's mind.

She wanted to know, she realized. The Arrancar wanted to know why. She had never felt such urging curiosity before. This was a new experience. It was like an itch she couldn't scratch- she had come to find it wasn't something she fancied. She had never felt that either- distaste. It was quite odd. She never felt much of anything.

But this woman- she struck a chord somewhere deep down inside the hollow depths of a particularly lost Arrancar individual.

Tucking a strand of lavender satin behind her ear, the Arrancar girl narrowed her blue eyes, lips slipping. She would wake this woman and ask the meaning of this. Her friends were too absorbed in the altercation taking place- the blonde woman would know what to say. She seemed like the type of person who had purpose to her every stride, who had knowledge of the great beyond. She looked frail with wisdom and brilliant with age.

_And she was beautiful._

Blinking, the Arrancar girl slowly placed her thin hands on the shinigami's chest, face blank and smooth and porcelain glass.

She would take the sovereignty of Death back for the woman in exchange for answers.

Yes, this seemed like a feasible plan. So with a small nod to herself, the soft Arrancar closed her brilliant blues and concentrated on her task at hand. She moistened her lips as she felt a pull of energy- the life of the shinigami. It was struggling to be set free from the shadows of Death. The Arrancar would help her with her liberation from Death's grasp. So she pulled. Her hands were furthering themselves from the shinigami woman's inert build, and they were grasping a tangible, white plasma-like thread.

She pulled and pulled, face not budging an inch as she tugged- until the drainage stopped the pull. The thread's end was at the edge of the blonde's body- think a shower drain, and the stopper won't go through the hole. In this case, there was a weight at the edge of the shinigami's build- the Arrancar's lips quirked. And then she tugged quite forcefully, causing the blonde's spine to jerk, curving, her body going up-

Oxygen!

Coals flew open.

Meeting brilliant blues.

Mission accomplished.

**-X-**

_Pain!_

Make it stop! Make it stop!

It felt as if something were rending my body- chopping my torso to tiny pieces.

A strangled echo was resounding in the space above me.

_What..!_ My murky eyes flew open, wide and watering. Connecting with beautiful baby blues. The hacking noise was still vibrating through the air- it took me a few minutes to realize it was the strangled sobs tearing through my chest.

"This is pain...?" A small, melodious voice floated to my ears, smoothing over my struggle for just a few seconds.

A girl was sitting over me- she couldn't be more than ten or twelve. She had this velvet hair, a smooth and untouched face, big blues staring down at me- curious.

_She was beautiful. _

She lifted a small, delicate hand to my face, caressing my cheek with wonder. Something cold and hard ran against my skin as she lifted her palm away. A fragmented Hollow's mask. A soft whimper escaped my chest as I found myself at the girlish Arrancar's mercy- raw pain wracking my still frame.

"You are... in pain."

I couldn't quite catch the tone of her quiet voice- I was tender with agony. I felt sticky and wet with blood, and moisture was blurring my vision.

_Why couldn't I... just stay under..._

The girl still hovered over me, her blue eyes blinking quite innocently. She held out her palm again- this time over the missing chunk of flesh, frowning.

"You cannot answer me with this pain..."

I didn't see her palm start to radiate a pure white, nor did I see her brilliant blues staring down at me with... an ounce of determination. The only thing I could do was scream as her hands connected with raw flesh, howling with torture. Unadulterated suffering hit me in waves, thrashing me with violent strings. Wretchedness overran me- I was going out. The lights were dimming- my surroundings were fading again.

The girl's voice was slurred above me- or maybe it was just my state. "That boy... he cannot hear anything."

Who was she talking about?

"I wonder what it feels like..."

Another scream tore through my throat- I couldn't even muster the sense to call myself pathetic; anyone who didn't feel this pain in this situation would be nuts.

And then- my world flipped upside down. I felt as if my skin were being torn from my very bones, my organs shredded to minces. I was dying in the worst way possible. And I could only see white.

_Thunk._

A dull impact.

Normalcy.

My chest was heaving, oxygen was flooding my lungs.

"How odd," came that sweet voice, laced with casual confusion.

My lids fluttered open. Bright optical blues blinked back, that face just a smooth as before.

I shot up with shock, sucking in a gulp of air before putting my hands to my side- feeling whole.

"What...?"

The small girl sat Indian fashion beside my now sitting form, my spine erect and stiff.

My head slowly rotated to stare at her, panting. "What did you... do?"

This made the Arrancar's small brows furrow, her bottom lip slowly protruding. "I... do not know..."

And the situation hit me. My face scrunched with suspicion, and I found myself stiffening in defense.

"Why did you help me?" I felt stiff and sore and slightly broken. I felt real weak and tired- exhausted, really. But I was whole- this girl, this Arrancar, my enemy, had helped me. She had made me whole again. I wanted to know why. She hadn't answered, so I asked again, this time with more force.

She just blinked up at me, "I... do not know why. I... was curious."

This had struck me dumb, and it took me a few moments to gather words.

"What do you mean, curious?"

The girl folded her hands before her, blinking at me. "I wanted to know why... you did the things you did. I have never... felt this curious before. I have never been exposed... to so much... emotion. Ulquiorra-sama and I were simple acquaintances. There was no need for this.. feeling."

She looked like she was struggling with her words, trying to find the right thing to say. Like she wasn't quite sure if it fit with the situation at hand.

I soon realized that this girl was no threat at all.

"I... saw you. I want to know... why this aches," I saw her put a glass hand over her chest, "it has never hurt before, yet... now I feel a thump right there. It feels like something is squeezing me."

"It's called a heart- it's just an organ."

The childish Arrancar pulled a face, lips tipping.

It was then that I realized there was a foreign reiatsu in the area.

_No. This is too familiar._

My black eyes slowly looked around, narrowing as I tried to spot my friends. A name escaped my lips as I found the scene.

_"Ichigo."_

"He has lost himself."

My hands clenched in the sand as I watched the boy. He was... a hollow.

A fucking hollow.

"Not if I can help it." My legs moved to stand, but as I moved I felt a sharp pain from my torso, and I visibly winced.

"You have not... answered my questions."

I gritted my teeth as I narrowed my eyes at the girl, who had a white, ghostly string in her hand. It connected with my flesh, I understood with a sense of horror. I grimaced with a indiscernible glimmer in my eye, "Look, I don't know what the hell to say! Thanks for saving my life, but I don't have your answers!"

"You look like you do."

I watched with a slow sort of dull dread as a bright light emitted from the scene from which Ichigo and his friends were- swallowing thickly.

Sighing heavily, "Emotions can't be explained, kid. I don't know what you want me to say. They sure as hell can't be controlled- they're just there. Everybody's got 'em."

She was still frowning at me, unsatisfied. Her porcelain hand came up to my side again- placed itself right on my skin, cold and sleek. Like glass. Her hand started to glow white. The string was slowly dimming. As she leaned forward, her lavender hair fell over her shoulder- revealing a small tattoo.

It was unexpected and confusing. Espada's had numbered tattoos. All the Arrancar I had faced- okay, a total of two or three give or take- didn't have such ink. But this girl had a small line, like a negative symbol or something on her shoulder.

_Neutrality._

"What's your name, kid?"

I felt a prickling sensation on my side, signifying that somehow this girl was healing me. This was odd and new and was nothing like healing Kido. She didn't look up at me, but her voice was a question, "Name...?"

I looked down at her, "Yeah. You got one, don't you? Everybody's got a name."

I saw the top of her head shake, but she didn't say anything else. It was like she didn't know what to say. Again, I got the feeling that she didn't quite fit- that she was tentative because she was _afraid_ to say something wrong.

"You don't... have a name?"

"No... Harribel-sama asked me the same thing, once. But she didn't give me a name. I just know when to listen. I always listen to Harribel-sama..."

By the sound of it, this _Harribel-sama_ sounded like a higher ranking Arrancar.

Espada, probably.

"You just... always listen? Aizen didn't name you?"

The small girl frowned, taking her hand off my side. Her brilliant eyes looked at me as she finished, "No. Aizen-sama... I do not remember creation. I do not remember his face."

"Then why do you serve him?"

My question was met with silence. I saw the girlish Arrancar lower her gaze to the sand and lace her fingers.

When she answered, her small voice was the epitome of harmony.

"Harribel-sama was the only one to treat me with decency. But... she is gone and... I do not have the strength to sense her any longer. Perhaps she is dead."

I, too, looked down at the sand. I heard voices coming from meters away, but I did not stand.

The white-plasma string was no longer connected with my side, but this girl... needed someone. As much as it pained me to not run up to Ichigo and repetitively kiss the livings daylights out of him and then kick him in the shins for his idiocy, I stayed put. Maybe it was also the fact that standing didn't feel like a very good option now. I still felt dizzy and weak and tired as shit.

But I didn't want to go soft on this Arrancar-

I already had, it was futile.

She was so young and lost and such a beautiful kid.

"Ito." **(1)**

It took a second to sink in, but the girl's eyes flashed my way, blinking.

She was silent. So was I. I felt Ichigo come alive from his spot over there, speaking and shouting. Emotions flaring at me. It took everything for me to sit there and not hurt myself more than I already was.

"Ito..." The girlish Arrancar tested it tentatively; a slow smile curving her lips showed me she liked the way how it rolled off her tongue. She nodded in approval to herself before striking me with those baby blues once again.

"I like it."

"Good. Because I'm not that creative."

A ghost of a smile flitted at the corner's of _Ito's _lips, her eyes shining with... contentment.

My voice was quiet, "Do you still feel that thing in your chest?"

She blinked at me as I reached out for her, touching the spot right over her heart with my fingertips.

Ink locked with brilliance.

"That's a heart. That is... something to cherish."

"Why?" It was such a simple question. The girl really was a blank slate. She was starting to feel- she was a blooming flower.

"It's a source."

I saw her lips slope, and her brows met as she looked down at my hand still connecting with her skin. With a small bit of hesitance, the girlish Arrancar grasped my hand with her glass one. Mine seemed so rough compared to hers- I instantly knew the difference. Hers was a hand that had never touched a sword. It had never grazed a fight. Never bled for what she wanted, nor did it beg for what she desired.

_Clean slate..._

"Source...?"

I nodded. She didn't understand, I knew that.

"Of what?"

"That's not up to me."

Her brows furrowed in a cute, innocent type of way. I just sighed quietly, going to lay back on the sand.

"Do you not feel well?"

There was that uncertainty again. She felt more than she was aware of.

"I'm fine. Just... a little tired."

What an understatement. I was drained to the core.

_Kuria-Dei... can you hear me?_

My reply was an echo of silence.

**-X-**

I wasn't sleeping, but my senses were dulled enough so that I was able to be caught off guard. An arm was thrown over my eyes- an attempt to block out the nonexistent light- and my other arm was draped over my stomach. My breathing was slow and steady, and I had slowly started to feel better. There was a big rip in my shirt thanks to Ulquiorra's attack, but it wasn't so bad that I had to find a new piece of clothing.

My side still ached. It was a distraction. And the last thing I needed was a distraction. Speaking of distraction, I heard footsteps approaching me. They weren't heavy, but weren't slight. Not feminine. They stopped.

_Damn._

The figure didn't say anything.

_I was hoping it would have been Inoue._

"Hazumi." I hadn't lifted my arm yet- I was just lying there lazily. But his voice caused a silent sigh to escape my lips- this did not escape his attention- and I languidly lifted my arm from my eyes, locking tawny.

I stared up at the boy, expression clean.

He was more or less healed, but the top of his clothes were ripped to shreds. So it was very hard to keep my eyes from straying to his bare chest. I was only able to keep them from doing so because I suddenly was struck with annoyance.

I saw his eyes glance to my left, and my gaze followed his. Ito was still sitting by my side, spine straight and legs crossed. She was still, but she'd registered Ichigo's presence.

His eyes went back to me, and I slowly shook my head.

"She's alright."

And brilliant blues landed on me. "Ito... why don't you go introduce yourself to Inoue and Uryū. They should know you're not a threat."

She blinked before slowly nodding, rising in a fluid motion and striding over towards the two.

When she was a good distance off, he started.

"A new friend?"

A scoff flew from my lips, and I started to sit up, pointedly ignoring Ichigo's outstretched hand. I managed to get to my feet without swaying, and when I felt sturdy I cast a sparing glance at the boy. "Hm. Odd."

"What?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, "I thought you would have knocked me back down rather than helping me stand. You know, my standing signifies I can move. I can go get involved in a _dangerous_ fight again."

He said nothing. Only his lips tightened in response, and a pull to his brows was bordering a scowl.

My eyes narrowed on the boy, "I resent the fact that even the thought crossed your mind to knock me out. You know how stupid you are?"

Now he was scowling.

Classic.

He was getting angry, when I was the one who had the right.

"I mean seriously? You are... impossible!"

"I did it to keep you safe," came his quiet reply. It surprised me that he wasn't raising his voice.

But I didn't think much of it.

"Look how much good that did."

His eyes tightened, and I saw his fists clench at his sides.

That did it.

"I thought I told you I'm my own person. You cannot control what I do. Remember that?"

"Dammit Hazumi, you make it so hard! You get into trouble with every corner you turn! What am I supposed to do, watch it all unfold out without doing a damn thing!"

"You can't protect me forever!"

"I can sure as hell try!"

We were both frustrated and exasperated with another- yet for different reasons.

But the same one kept us together.

My hands were back at my sides, fisting and shaking.

"Why can't you just accept the fact that I won't ever be safe? It's my job, Ichigo!"

"Because I love you, dammit!"

That shut my mouth. A ripple of shock threatened to wrack my lean frame.

I instantly denied it. "That's ridiculous. You don't love me."

I pushed it away, but he wouldn't have that. He stepped closer, tawny eyes blazing down at me.

"Yes, I do."

"Shut up, this is pointless. Let's get-"

I had started to turn, ready to be done with this conversation- I couldn't handle it- but hands on my shoulders prevented me from leaving.

"You're not running away this time."

My eyes glared up at him, "I'm not running. I'm simply stating that this whole idea... of your _love_," here I spat the word with disbelief, "is just a big adrenaline rush. I mean God, you were practically dead! I'm just saving us both from the hurt."

"Don't."

"You're so fucking irra-"

Lips crashing on mine cut whatever I was yelling off, and his hands were holding me. I was frustrated and cramped and utterly uncomfortable. He couldn't love me.

What the fuck was there to love?

My fists pounded on his bare chest, and I had enough strength to pull away from his grip.

My voice was low and slightly wavering, "Stop..."

He was so close, his lips were hovering right over mine. I could feel his warm breath bathing my face, his scent filling me with home and firewood.

"Please stop..." There was a thick lump in the back of my throat, making it hard to swallow. My ink orbs were shaking- I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Why?" was his thick response.

My breathing was shallow and my heart was pounding. I was hurting.

This would only hurt.

I should have never gotten involved with the stupid boy.

"Because," my voice was a small whisper, "it'll hurt me more when you leave."

Instant reaction. The boys hands tightened in his grip, and he lifted my chin up- forcing me to meet his gaze. There was strength and intensity in his face. His eyes had this slow burn going on- I couldn't look anywhere but there. It was like a magnetic pull.

He absorbed my attention completely.

"Don't you say that," he said roughly.

Tawny eyes tightening as he locked my ink orbs.

"You... are the thickest person I've ever met. I'm not leaving you, I don't plan on it, so why do you insist that I am plotting on taking my leave? I'm not your parents, I'm not your brother, and I'm not your friend."

Instinctively I shrunk back, but he was determined as stone to keep my attention solely on him. "I'm not just anyone, Hazumi. You know what I am to you. God only knows what you mean to me. I'm keeping it that way, so don't go backing out now. It's a little too late for that."

His forcefulness on the matter inspired a bit of a shock on my part, but it was nothing compared to the flourishing, irrational joy spreading throughout my body.

It was stupid- I know.

But a girl's got her moments; I wasn't some robot. No matter how much I tried to be, I couldn't be emotionless. I couldn't cast emotions aside like I had tried in the past. Obviously it had been a futile effort to begin with.

My lips curved into a genuine smile, dimples appearing on my cheeks from nowhere.

It had been so long since I had reason to smile like so.

A hand slowly buried itself in Ichigo's carrot top- another on his shoulder, and I pulled the boy down to meet him.

I felt warm as I connected with him, a small pink glow adorning my peachy cheeks.

Unlike the last, this kiss wasn't desperate. It didn't have that sense of rushed contentment, nor was it too hungry. It was simple yet not. Something we had both needed, but didn't take too much. His sun-kissed hand felt hot on my skin as he pulled me closer, hand resting on my side with exposed flesh, another cupping my face.

This didn't feel final, nor did it feel like a beginning.

We were somewhere in the middle, meeting halfway.

We parted with the same happiness- mine expressed more so than his.

A rosy blush was painting my cheeks, and a stupid grin was curling my lips as a twinkle sparkled in the depths of my black eyes.

Ichigo's was more subtle, but I could see the splashes of a ruddy rose tainting his tanned face, his tawny eyes seemingly lighter than before.

They weren't quite there, not at the point of true happiness.

I'd get them there, though. In time, he'd feel it. I sure as hell knew I was well on my way to feeling it.

A small chuckle escaped my lips, and Ichigo looked down at me, a small curve to his lips telling me this was his contentment zone. Just a small smile was all I needed. It didn't have to be happiness- it didn't even have to be contentment.

It just had to let me know he was still here.

"Nothing... it's just- I had forgotten how much of a pure boy you were."

"Tch. Of course. _Boke._"

**-X-**

_Conclusions?_

_Yeah, Reizo has_

_Moved on._

_Violently or not_

_I can now say_

_My brother is at_

_Peace._

_Me?_

_I'll survive._

_That is what_

_I do._

_I will always._

_The _

_Strawberry  
_

_Makes it easier,_

_More comfortable._

_Meaningful._

_I have a purpose;_

_A meaning._

_I have given purpose,_

_And meaning.  
_

* * *

**(1)** Means: Thread

So there you go. Thanks, you all out there.


	36. The Antihero

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. This isn't quite as long as usual, but it's alright.

_Thanks, you all:_

**Eklipt, Animelover1993, Shadow of a Broken Angel, LogicOfFire, WeesnawMcGee, GaarasMyBoyzz, XxKuragari no KagexX, Shadowgouf, Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama.**

_Just lovely._

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Treinta y cinco:**_

_"The Antihero"_

_

* * *

_It's all the

Same.

The things we

Do,

The things we

See,

And the things

We

Break.

It's a

Cycle.

Don't worry

About tomorrow.

Pretend it doesn't

Matter.

* * *

She was still lying there, suspended in the air without any physical bother.

However, the subtle tension in her shoulder blades and the hard edge to her spine contrasted with that fact that Barry was at ease. She wasn't- Starrk Coyote could spot this from meters away as he fought Shunsui Kyōraku with seemingly effortless strikes.

She could feel his eyes on her from time to time, and she couldn't honestly say she did not care. It struck her as a little odd that the Primera Espada would be concerned with her actions. Given, he was a tool of Aizen's. But that tool was in the midst of fighting one of the oldest Gotei 13 Captains. She didn't want to dwell on the fact that she just became interesting in someone's eyes- an Espada's, no less- but it wouldn't leave her mind.

So with a languid movement, Barry lifted herself up into some kind of sitting position, grimacing as she cracked her spine. With slow movements she rose, almost as if it were too much labor. Like she was already tired and done. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she took a look around, olive eyes careful and alert.

Three Espada were left- she had gathered Tia Harribel, Baraggan Luisenbarn, and Starrk Coyote. Aizen, Ichimaru, and Tōsen were still surrounded by the fire and plasma. Good. Shinigami were injured, but she sensed no casualties. She couldn't say the same for the Arrancar, though, as she gazed down at the ground. Her needles were lodged into the cement. The bodies had disappeared, like all Hollow's.

That's all they were- intelligent Hollows.

Intelligent being used as a relative term in her mind.

Shifting her eyes, Barry noted a small, white-haired Captain engaged in battle with the Tercera Espada. The two were fairly well matched. And as the kid moved with efficiency, Barry caught a flash of his white Haori.

_Ten._

Her face was smooth in thought, but her eyes watched every movement of the boy. He was skilled. Hitsugaya Tōshirō, if she could remember correctly.

_He doesn't seem like the type._

And then the boy caught her gaze as he connected with the Espada's sword once again, causing the Espada to look through the corner of her eye. Green eyes narrowed upon seeing the navy-haired woman standing without a worry. Barry could hear her from where she stood.

"You are next. I will avenge my subordinates."

The two were still pressing against their swords, but Barry spoke anyway.

"They should have kept their distance." And she turned, grimacing as a fresh wave of nostalgia rolled right over her heart.

_Ten._

_"Taicho! Your orders!"_

She found her mind wandering, and it only caused her frown to deepen as she walked over to where Mon was currently stationed. Said girl was only a flash of pink at the moment, and it appeared as if she were teasing her opponent. It seemed that she was quite comfortable in fighting her opponent- a small, green-haired, pink-eyed Arrancar.

Too comfortable for Barry's liking.

With a blinding _flash_ of movement, Barry vanished. In one smooth strike the artisan had moved between Mon and her opponent, grasping their wrists with her small hands, expression clean. Although the small slope to her lips did indicate she was displeased. The Arrancar that had been about to strike Mon in the neck froze, muscles tightening on instinct.

With a closer look, Barry noted she was just as small as Mon was. A dark scowl morphed the small Arrancar's features, signifying her displeasure to being interrupted by a random, bum of a shinigami. She shrieked in Barry's ear with an indiscernible phrase, causing the artisan to lightly flick her wrist, flinging the small girl yards away.

Mon was frozen beside her, but Barry pushed her back as well, pea eyes reflecting _something_ now.

Starrk and Kyōraku had seen this all, Kyōraku not giving it much thought whilst Starrk had a pull to his brows.

Her behavior was odd.

And then the explosive's woman spoke, her voice carrying a hint of emotion. "Knock it off, Mon."

"What the hell, Barry!"

"This is like watching two kids duke it out. You're treatin' her like she's some pushover. And vice versa," she glanced over her shoulder at Lilynette Gingerback, who stood there panting. Her eyes were narrowed on the two.

Barry's voice dropped an octave, but Starrk couldn't cast away his attention.

She had drawn him in. The navy-haired woman was an enigma to the Primera, and he found her emptiness ringing out with a certain vibe that he could understand. It was ridiculous, yet he couldn't pull away.

"Stop fuckin' around. It's war. It's some serious shit."

"I am serious, you crazy pyromaniac!"

"Then look it. You know she's not as young as she looks. It's the same with you. Stop being stupid and get your shit together, or I'll handle this for you."

"You're not my mother, Barry. I can do whatever the hell I want."

"I took responsibility for your life the day you followed me from Seireitei. Wipe that look off your face. What you do here and now reflects upon me, so don't be an ass."

Barry and Mon hadn't looked anywhere but each other- one furious, the other with passive reproachfulness.

The Primera watched from his fight, seeing the companionship unfold brilliantly between the two shinigami.

_The day you followed me from Seireitei... _

Apparently ex-shinigami.

"Barry would not fight you, Espada-san. I am your opponent." Starrk ignored the statement as a whole, but picked the phrase apart with little notice. Fight the woman. Hell, he only wanted to be near her.

Something she radiated drew him, something about the way she carried herself. She had a purpose, yet she was begrudging. She wasn't welcome here. And then her gaze slowly rotated to the two-

Locking grey. An emotion Starrk knew too well was lodged deep into her eyes; it morphed the lines on her face to fit its needs.

And then she glanced away, crossing her arms as she watched her companion take on Lilynette. The Primera turned his attention to his opponent, face blank. She was just a woman. An enemy.

Filled to the brim with emptiness.

* * *

"Ukitake."

Brown eyes slowly opened, spotting the figure to his left. The man was sitting, no longer preoccupied with Lilynette Gingerback- Monaco was better suited for that. "Nguyen-san. It has been a long time."

"Hasn't been long enough, huh."

As always, Barry had hit it right on the mark. She knew. She knew she wasn't welcome here. She had come prepared to face the music. In Seireitei's eyes, she had never atoned for her sins. She had never been rightfully punished for her crimes. But Barry didn't care what Soul Society's opinion was on the matter.

She had lived with the fact for two hundred years plus.

"Do not misinterpret my meaning, Nguyen-san."

Barry was standing with her arms crossed beside the seated Jūsanbantai Taicho, her lips a thin line. She was watching Starrk Coyote react to his enemies around him, the fact that most of his comrades had fallen. He seemed unfazed. Like now, he was questioning Shunsui about their individual Bankai's.

Barry's face softened bit by bit during her little exchange with the Jūsanbantai Taicho before exhaling softly.

"I know, Jūshirō."

"This isn't like you, to be out in the open- _OOF_!"

Blinking, Barry glanced down at her friend, brows furrowing as she saw... _pink?_

"Would you hold that for me, Barry, Ukitake? Since it looks like... he's finally gotten motivated."

With a slow movement, Barry lifted her gaze to lock blue-grey orbs once again. That damn Espada was looking at her _again_. She wriggled her fingers by her sides before lightly crossing her arms, not breaking his gaze. Why was he looking at her? Was it because of before? Because she butchered that chimera hollow and slaughtered those three Arrancar without barely lifting a finger?

As she looked at the man's eyes, she tried to convey a point, tried not to show too much of herself.

But it felt as if he could see right through her.

_It's not strength, Starrk-san. It's skill._

_ It's not unbelievable power, it's mere tactic. _

_And it's not will. It's duty._

He was sheathing his sword, gaze unwavering. She swallowed, narrowing her eyes ever so slightly.

He broke contact. "Yeah... I decided that I want to see your Bankai's."

From her side, she heard Ukitake's questioning tone, "He... sheathed his sword...?"

Blinking, Barry felt a sudden pit in her stomach.

"Lilynette!" Starrk called out to the girl who had been engaged with Mon, calm and secure. Barry watched the girl grit her teeth before shouting back at him, and Mon was going for the sudden opening-

"NO, MON!"

Flesh ripping.

Blood. It dripped from the wound, sliding down skin with ease.

Coral eyes opened slowly, peaking through thick lashes. Eyes widening upon sight, "Barry!"

The static of Sonído, and the small Arrancar was beside the Espada, unharmed. Barry gritted her teeth, cursing as she placed a hand on her upper arm. A deep gash now adorned the artisan's pale skin, and red seeped through her small fingers.

Mon was shocked, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. That would have...

If Barry hadn't been there...

"I thought I said... Get your shit together, Monaco."

Her grip on her arm tightened, and her eyes scrunched as a burning sting slowly started to course through her arm. Narrowed olive orbs flew to where the small girl stood, glowering. "She would have had your throat."

Barry was right. Mon hadn't even seen the Arrancar bring up her angled sword. It would have been over.

"Malicious little bitch..."

Barry stayed silent as she watched the Espada speak about his power- _their _power.

Reiatsu was strengthening in his area.

"Step back, Mon."

The small girl didn't move.

"I will not repeat myself." Barry held out a hand, forcing back the pink-haired ex-shinigami, mouth a taut line as she listened to the Espada's release.

_Los Lobos. And Shunsui... released as well..._

"They're the same person."

Barry was unfazed, but Mon wasn't. It didn't add up. She spoke to the explosives whiz's back.

"You're not surprised."

"No."

"Why?"

"Their reiatsu were too similar to begin with."

"Always thinking ahead."

"Yeah well," Barry stepped forward, rolling her shoulder with a sigh, "one of us has to, huh."

The Espada and Shunsui would fight and stop, fight and stop. Talk and then go at each other. It would have been irritating for the woman if she hadn't been busy analyzing the Primera Espada. She couldn't get an exact reading on the man- like his potential was hidden or some crazy shit like that. It annoyed her to no end. And then it snuck up on her.

**"Cero Metralleta."**

"Oh shit."

It seemed like a dozen _Ceros_ shot from the gun-like weapon in the Espada's grasp, fusing together to create one big blast- headed straight for Shunsui Kyōraku. Of course Shunsui could dodge, Barry thought, but he couldn't dodge all of them. Barry didn't move as she sensed a shift beside her; she only looked from the corner of her shrouded pea-colored orbs.

_Should you really get involved with this, Jūshirō?_

"Ukitake-san...?" Mon was blinking from the side, a frown curving her heart-shaped lips. She was in over her head- she knew it. Ukitake had just swooped in from seemingly nowhere, absorbing and deflecting that Espada's attack. She hadn't even sensed him moving.

"Mon." Barry's back was still facing the small girl, and her voice was grave and dull. Not monotonous like usual, but on a more a serious note now. "You should take five."

Barry was reaching for her belt, grasping a few more pins in her uninjured hand. Blood had ran down her arm, dripping from her immobile limb.

"We both know you're in over your head here."

Mon didn't want to do that. But she knew. She was only in the way. So with a small nod that Barry could not see, she assented to this. "Alright." And she flashed to the ground, ready to start with medical relief.

Barry sighed quietly, her gaze on the confrontation before her. The three were standing opposite of one another, ready to go at it again. But a sudden _tear_ in the sky above had Barry hesitating and lifting her head.

_"A Garuganta, huh." _

Her voice was tired, causing the Primera Espada to glance in her direction. She didn't take her eyes off of the hole in the sky.

"I wonder what it is this time."

There was a minuscule edge to her voice, barely there. Starrk identified it as annoyance.

"Aizen must really got game, castin' orders around and havin' these mindless Hollows followin' him around left and right. Am I right, Starrk-san?"

Olives met clouds.

_A spark of vacancy. _

She glanced back up, "Looks like another Arrancar, though."

He followed her gaze silently. "Wonderweiss..."

"What...what is that...?"

Blinking, Barry slowly slid her gaze to where Ukitake stood, frowning. He had stole the words right from her mouth-

Crimson.

It splattered through the air, ripping a hole right through his chest.

He was shocked.

_She_ was somewhat surprised.

"Wha..."

Barry didn't move. Shunsui did, attempting to cut the newcomer down-

Starrk had the gun to his back. "Sorry..."

Barry started to move.

"The fact that he's here means that Aizen-sama can't wait any longer."

He took a shot.

Hitting Shunsui-

The shinigami was done.

_Clink._

The Primera Espada blinked, slowly looking down at his feet. A small bottle was flashing beside his foot. Grey orbs flew up, landing on Barry's form meters away. A beeping sound. His grip tightened on his gun.

_"Shit."_

_ BOOM._

Flames.

Barry tore her eyes away from her explosion, gazing around. It smelled awful- it came from the monster that had emerged from the _Garuganta_. It had destroyed her barrier with just one swipe of its grizzly claws. And it had doused Yamamoto's fire with that wretched gas.

Aizen was free- but more newcomers had finally arrive.

A muttered sigh of shrouded relief, "About fuckin' time, Shinji."

**-X-**

_"Taicho! Taicho? Oh, there you are, Barry-Taicho!"_

_"You're the greatest Taicho, you know that?"_

_ "Taicho... what are you doing here? What's that... in your hand? Why... is that a remote?" _

_Blood. _

_Fire. _

_Flames. _

_"Tai...cho... You... You..." _

_Death._

"That's some Gillian, huh, Starrk-san."

Barry was hovering in the air still, seated Indian fashion. She was facing her old comrades, watching them disperse and settle. Finishing those Gillian and arriving as cavalry for others. She wasn't surprised in the least that the Espada survived her mediocre explosion almost unscathed. A cigarette burned between her fingers as she exhaled slowly.

"Sorry about that. It was just a Molotov Cocktail. I bet you're just fine."

"You seem worse than Captain-san."

"I doubt it. Shunsui can be pretty lazy."

"Unfortunately, you know that's not what I mean."

Barry's lids slowly fluttered shut, and she sighed quietly, shoulders slumping.

She knew that the Espada's gun was pointed at her head. "Why don't you shoot?"

"If you run now, I'll look the other way."

A bark of mirthless laughter escaped the artisan's lips, and she slowly moved to stand, cracking her crooked spine in the process. Turning to face the Espada, the gun was indeed now pointed at her face. Plucking the cigarette from her lips, olives stayed passive.

"I've never heard an enemy say that before."

"Why does it seem that you are unwelcome here, Barry-san?"

A small frown tipped her lips, and she scratched the back of her head. "I didn't realize you noticed."

Starrk was silent as he held her at gunpoint, waiting for an answer.

He received an indirect response.

"Soul Society kinda sucks, y'know. Back in the day, it was real unjust."

She glanced away, suddenly tired. Too many lives and years were weighing her shoulders.

"I'm a murderer, Starrk-san. It's a real simple concept- ostracizing a murderer."

Grey eyes stilled. The woman before him was nonchalant and worn. There was no murderous intent underlying her words or actions. Except... when she butchered Allon and Harribel's Fracción. There was something in her then, but not now.

_Definitely not now._

"Ahh, you're fallin' for it too, huh."

A blinding _flash_-

Heat suddenly emitting, searing. A _static_ sound, and they both had moved. There was a small burn on his arm, sizzling flesh. A cut on his face, just below his eye-patch. Barry stood casually before him, tossing a small object between her hands.

"You see, Starrk-san, Soul Society fucks up time and again, but sometimes they're dead on in their actions. I was unstable to begin with," she plucked a piece of steel from the small device, tossing it in the Espada's general area. His eyes widened as another explosion rocked the town, barely escaping with his flesh intact.

But Barry was there again.

"I was Jūbantai Taicho at one point."

_Ten. _

_"Taicho!"_

"And Division Ten... It had a peculiar duty back in the day." She shifted in her stance, leaning on her leg.

Starrk made no move to shoot.

"A couple hundred years ago, its prime duty was interrogation."

_"Taicho... I didn't... Please. I swear to you, it wasn't me!"_

"Particularly stubborn kids were hard to crack. It only goes so far- then you have to rely on some real _reliable_ techniques."

_"No, I swear!" _

_Blood._

Starrk sensed where this was going. "Torture."

She gave a slight nod. "My division wasn't too popular. But now, all of Soul Society's shit is covered real well. It's all clean there," her expression twisted bitterly, "I was more or less hated to begin with. My job was never pretty, but I did it.

"I wasn't victimized. What I did was my choice. I admit, at times I felt a little under-appreciated- after all, I was just fulfilling my duty to Seireitei. I was loyal enough. But I was a nut. I cracked."

She dropped her cigarette.

Moving her hand to her belt, Starrk was weary, but she only dug out a small, black pebble.

There was now a clean crack splitting it in two.

The Primera Espada vaguely recognized the reiatsu.

"And now, this changes things." Her hand gripped the smooth stone, and Starrk narrowed his eyes.

That was the reiatsu... of...

_"WAIT, INOUE!" _

_CRACK! _

That blonde shinigami with the mangled arm.

"So, I'm sorry, but... it doesn't look like I have the choice to run."

"You fight for a group who does not care if you live or die."

_It doesn't make sense to you, but me._

That void look had returned to her face.

Her pea eyes didn't reflect a thing.

"What can I say," she was drawing a small sword her from back.

An accumulation of a strange, ghastly reiatsu was stirring in the air. The source- Barry's curved blade. A shining Scimitar was held lightly in her hand, like this was the norm. It was ghostly and grotesque. Like Starrk could see the blood it had spilled in past times. It almost gave him the chills.

"Insanity fucks you up."

**-X-**

_You'll be washed_

_Away._

_They all are_

_Eventually._

_There is no_

_Security._

_Watch that hourglass._

_Time's a tickin'._

_

* * *

_**Thoughts, please. :)**_  
_


	37. Barry's Vices, My Stupefaction II

**A/N:** Okay. My chapters are progressively becoming shorter. Blame it on the fact that I can't look into a crystal ball and know what twist Tite Kubo is going to add next. Hah. Oh how I wish. But yeah, his genius is still appreciated. Anyway, so here's an outlook of the next few weeks. I've got family coming into town for the next two weeks, and then I have Scuba Camp, and then I'm going to Philly, and I've got a summer project. So. Yeah. Chapters will slowly start getting to be less updated, but not drastically so.

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me this long, guys. I love you so much, readers and reviewers and favoriters and alerters.

I can't express my gratitude towards ya'll.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_Treinta y seis:_**

_"Barry's Vices, My Stupefaction II"  
_

_

* * *

_Feeling short of

Stable?

It all falls on

Me.

I want

Reality to

Escape

Me.

Let's break it.

* * *

_"Monster, Monster."_

A loud _clang_ resonated from the core of the sleek blade, reverberating steel against ornamental pistols. Her slim figure was twisted as she forced the Espada down in the air, her toned arms flexing as she added force behind her sword.

"You're not fightin' back at all, Starrk-san." Barry said this quietly as she bared down on the man, maneuvering her sword to swipe his cheekbone, barely nicking him with the sharp tip. Upon this assertion, the Primera frowned slightly, aiming his gun for the woman's head and firing a few blinding, half-assed shots. She dodged these with little effort, settling to stand before him with a hand casually placed on her hip, the other dangling at her side with the Scimitar in hand.

"Look," she brought up her hand to the back of her head, scratching it with her sword precariously leaning for her neck.

Starrk spoke before she could, "You should release your _Bankai_."

Her lips quirked, "Yeah?"

He only stared at her, unblinking. He was curious about this woman, that was it. That loud silence from within her was plaguing- she was aware of it just as he was. She was a different type of shinigami. She had the attributes of a hollow, almost. But she had intelligence and a sense of right and wrong. But so much agony and emptiness-

"You can stop analyzing, Starrk-san," she murmured, twirling the hilt of her sword, "there's nothin' you're gonna find that's pretty. It's one hundred percent ugliness trapped inside of me." She stopped twirling her sword, glancing around. "But it looks like your companions ain't doin' so hot. So can we stop talking now? There's nothing more I want to say."

But Starrk didn't want her to stop. She was intriguing and anything she said was interesting. He actions were spontaneous and her words were like ice, showering him with a fresh breeze each time her mouth opened. But the woman was right. The Primera sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah. I guess it is... time to get serious."

"Good, because this is really, really heavy."

Starrk watched Barry bring out her Scimitar, running a hand over the sleek steel.

"I guess I'll release it, if you're willing to give it your all as well?"

A small nod of assent was her answer.

"Alright then," was her quiet response. Glancing down, she caught the shapes of two Vizard standing below, ready to bring assistance when necessary. Love and Rose. Bringing olive orbs up, Barry locked gazes with Starrk.

A ghost of a smile flitted at the corner of her lips, "It's been nice chattin' with you, Starrk-san."

And then a raw sort of power started to ooze from her blade, leaking in profuse amounts. Her hand was still connected with the steel. Her lips didn't move as she muttered the name of a spirit she hadn't made contact with in centuries.

"Why don't you come and play, **Monstruosidad Despreciable." (1)**

**-X-  
**

A new sort of heat was in the air, originating from the spot where Barry had just been.

But now- Barry had stepped forward and lain down the line.

"**Bankai.** It's not pleasant." A ripped, sleeveless Haori brushed her back as it caught the wind, revealing a ragged Kanji on the back.

_Ten_.

She was still wearing her spandex shorts and simple tank, and the estranged tattoo was still visible- but she was different with that Haori. Starrk could see the underside as dark green, and then his eyes strayed to her weapons. Two _tantō_ were casually held in her small hands- which now were adorned with metal hand-guards.

She absentmindedly twirled the daggers as she gazed at Starrk. She wished she had gone for another opponent. She didn't want to fight Starrk Coyote. She could sense he didn't want to fight either. But they both had to.

Then, a reiatsu fell from their left.

An Espada had fallen.

Barry's grip on her dagger's tightened as she listened to Starrk's bland voice, "Number two dies... and no one says a word? How depressing."

He glanced back to the bombs artisan, stepping forward with his guns in hand.

"But we aren't the type to avenge each other."

And they were both gone in a staggering series of _flashes_.

Starrk's ammunition was unlimited, and Barry's speed was impeccable. It wasn't a match of strength or ferocity. It was a battle of the wits. They would have to outsmart one another. Starrk watched her move and bend like it was nothing- like she didn't even have to think. As if she were reacting on pure reflex. But he knew that wasn't the case. He quickly came to know that Barry Nguyen was a woman of brilliance.

That her sole weapon was her mind. It was odd that-

_"Don't lose your head, Starrk-san."_

Flesh _ripping_ had the artisan feeling a tad victorious-

_"Don't get ahead of yourself, Barry-san."_

Blue light engulfed her.

It was searing and wretched and just what she knew a C_ero_ felt like. With a small sound uttered from the back of her throat, Barry steeled her grip on her knives. Slashing through air, she cut with a small sense of fear that had started formulating in her gut.

A sudden, rugged _hacking_ noise made way from the center of the Primera's _Ceros,_ and Starrk watched as the energy he had fired was ripped apart from the inside out. And a figure emerged with speed, appearing before him with contrived breathing.

He blocked daggers with guns.

"Not bad, for the Primera." Her breathless taunt caused the man to roll his eyes, maneuvering his way out of her grasp. She didn't follow him as he landed feet away, only slightly winded. He had a good gash running across his arm, similar to where hers was from earlier.

He noted this with a straight face.

"You have an odd sense of humor."

"Only returning the favor, I suppose."

And then it started to burn.

_White, hot pain. Searing his arm. Coursing through his veins, setting his blood afire. His skin was bubbling with the heat, blistering. _

_What the...!_

"What... is...!"

_He was burning to death. He was boiling, blistering, seething._

_ The flames were licking relentlessly!_

Small footsteps approached Starrk's hunched, strangled build. He could barely hear them echoing over the pain. And then they stopped right at his side. A small hand on his shoulder, and then the fire immediately abated.

His chest was heaving-

Barry caught his arm as he swung the butt of his gun down on her neck, and she tapped his wrist with a firm swing.

His pistol fell to the ground.

"Do not make me end it this way."

His breathing was contrived as he knelt there, his knees touching air.

_What... was that...!_

And then her voice resounded throughout the walls of his mind. _"I was the Jūbantai Taicho at one point." _

_"Prime duty... Interrogation... Torture."_

_"I'm a murderer... Insanity... fucks you up..."_

"I know you're all there, Starrk-san. I know the Primera is stronger than that."

_"Monstruosidad Despreciable."_

_ "I was a nut. I cracked."_

She thought of herself as a monster.

_Despicable Monstrosity._

He still had his other gun in his grip.

"Starrk-san... Please do not force me to kill-"

Another searing _Cero_ cut the woman's sentence short as she attempted to dodge the energy blast hurled her way, barely skimming the surface of the heat. When she had enough sense to gather herself, Starrk had moved right there-

Cutting her off. Her small wrists were in his grasp, and he was looking down at her with a neutral expression. She grimaced as she tugged her wrists- to no avail. His grasp was iron tight.

"You choose to be alone. You think you don't deserve the company."

Grey eyes locked olives. He knew his deduction was correct by the sudden tightening of her eyes, her lips thinning.

A foot slammed into his ribcage- Barry effectively freed herself from his grasp, grating her two daggers together before pushing off air, going straight for him. Her movements were suddenly cutthroat- sharp and edgy. Quick.

He had hit home.

"I used to torture for a living, _Espada_," she had spat his title, "what the fuck do you think?"

She brought her hand up, attempting to flat-hand his face and send fragments of bone into his brain-

And she shifted at the last second, bringing her dagger across his torso in a quick _slash._ But don't think the favored wasn't returned. Starrk had gone for her torso at that time, pulling the trigger as his gun hit the hollow of her shoulder-

_Staggering impact._

Barry- falling, a sudden hole in flesh. Blood falling with her.

Starrk- _Withering pain. Crippling fire was engulfing the Espada. _

_Fire. _

_So agonizing. Slow. It was all so slow-_

Gone.

The Espada heard a dull crash from below, followed by smoke. The woman had fallen. He didn't sense her. But that power...

His sun-kissed hand grazed the surface of his stomach, grimacing. Sticky. A flesh wound. But the fire. That was inside.

That was no flesh wound.

"Torture, huh." He didn't turn around as he addressed her. His hand was on his stomach again, staunching the blood-

There was none.

_Scorched skin._ The gash was suddenly burned shut.

Now he turned, frowning as he locked olives. "You seal the wound... so the victim doesn't pass out from loss of blood."

She inclined her head, placing a pale hand over her shoulder. There was a hole- through and through.

"You could have killed me in that shot, Starrk."

"Likewise, Barry."

She had stopped the pain. She controlled it. She put an end to his physical suffering. She had caused it, and yet she had stopped it.

She had hesitated.

"You don't seem like the type to torture." She looked merciful, he thought, as she stood there. Her complexion had paled, and she had those daggers in two small sheaths. Her hand was still covering the bloody hole in her shoulder.

"I killed thirty innocent shinigami when I blew up a prison ward. I wanted to butcher the filth in there. They were going to get off scot-free. So I decided to blow up the joint."

_"I'm a murderer."_

_"Why does it seem like you're unwelcome here?" _

_"Are you here as atonement for your wrong doings?"_

_ "No... that's for trash..."_

"What'd they do?" Plausible question. But the ex-shinigami was quiet, grimacing as she felt the pain wrack her frame.

Swallowing thickly, "Scum shinigami who needed to die. They were thieves. They stole from me."

_Loneliness. Death. Torture. _

_Spiteful anger lodged into her eyes. _

_Emptiness. _

Barry had something in her hand now. A classic, black bomb.

_Bombs Artist. She is an Artisan. Quick and brilliant._

An atomic bomb was in her hand.

_She doesn't need a remote._

_ Barry Nguyen is the epitome of destruction. Just a difference in her reiatsu levels can set it off. _

"Sorry, Starrk. But I'm not feelin' this fight anymore. It'll be quick."

_Everything was taken from her. _

Her reiatsu sky-rocketed. So the Primera followed in suit, summoning one of his deadly techniques. Barry watched with a wary eye as dozens of wolves appeared at the Espada's side. _Ceros._

They came at her- swift, lethal, mindless.

She did not move.

_This is a woman who truly has nothing left to lose._

Explosions rocked the sky of Karakura. The wolves hadn't just gone for Barry, but for Rose and Love down below as well. Barry had sensed their fight, their releases and their masks, but... they were engulfed in explosions. Barry had been in the middle of the violence. Torn to shreds. And from inside the smoke, where her body was presumed to be in pieces-

_BOOM!_

"Fuckin' A. That stung."

She was behind him-!

_Clang._ Her daggers against his guns.

When had he had the time to retrieve the other...?

"You escaped the explosions."

But not unscathed. Blood dripped from her chest, a gash over brow, her arms. Her lips quirked slightly, "I _am_ an explosives expert, Starrk-san."

The Atomic bomb was suddenly in her hand, right by his face-!

"And here we go!"

Her expression lighting up with glee-!

Body tissue and muscle _tearing. _

_Ripping._

A shadowed sword protruded from Starrk Coyote's chest.

_"Wha..."_

Barry relented, slowly stepping back. Her face was passive again.

_"What the hell... is this?"_

The Espada's head slowly turned, catching sight of-

"Nice, Shunsui," Barry's quiet voice floated to the Primera's ears. Shunsui Kyōraku stood with his swords drawn, a small, guilty smile curving his lips.

"Nice distraction, Barry-chan."

Starrk glanced back at the artisan, frowning and irritable.

_Distraction...?_

_Clink!_

The navy-haired woman unscrewed the top to the black bomb, lifting it to her lips-

Drinking? She eagerly drank the soothing liquid, sighing as she downed the rest. Eyes landing on the Primera, she blinked.

He was staring at her like...

"What," she lifted the black sphere it a nonchalant motion, "it's just water..."

_A bluff._

"Hott damn Barry! You're fuckin' nuts!" She glanced down, catching sight of Love and Rose, beaten and mangled and burned. She called back down to them, "You honestly thought I would set off a fuckin' _Atomic Bomb_ with all these people around? I mean really, guys. Thanks for the fucking faith."

Shaking her head with an irritated sigh, Barry glanced back at the Primera, seeing that he was still staring at her.

"An act." His deep voice rumbled his chest, a note of curiosity infecting his statement. His rugged features were pulled, his brows drawn. Blood was coating his front from both her and Kyōraku's inflictions.

Tossing the empty, spherical canteen to the ground, Barry shrugged. She winced as the hole in her shoulder reminded her that this was still dangerous. "Think what you wish, Gunslinger. I'm done."

She was. He could tell she was physically spent. And mentally. She hadn't been lying. A strange rush of relief had crashed into him like a wave at that thought, and he could only brush it aside.

Starrk watched from the corner of his eye as Barry slowly lowered herself to the ground, stumbling once she hit the pavement.

Blood splashed beneath her feet.

_Barry Nguyen._

Turning back to Shunsui Kyōraku, he prepared himself.

_You are no monster._

**-X-**_  
_

Barry was sitting on the cool pavement of Karakura, just finishing a mediocre wrap on her shoulder. She had watched Starrk fall, she watched Aizen take down one of his own, and she watched Hiyori get herself cut in half. Gin cut her, but Aizen did this.

_Can we... stop him?_

She saw his figure turn and glance down.

At her.

She suddenly felt cold.

But a pull to her left had her turning, hand pressing her shoulder.

Starrk Coyote. Lying there.

She found her feet moving.

* * *

**( H U E C O ) ( M U N D O )**

"Inoue. Ishida. How are you holding up?"

My feet stopped at their seated forms, standing before them. Ishida had some stab wound that Inoue had taken to healing, and the two looked better than before. Earlier- a mess. Totally shaken up.

Things had calmed down now, though.

Ichigo had gone back down to Las Noches through the giant hole in the sky, while I decided to hang back for a few moments. Seeing movement, I glanced beside them to see Ito start to stand, coming by my side. "

We're okay, Hazumi-san." It was Inoue who had answered, her soft voice no longer shaking. I gave a small nod, a smile flitting the corner of my lips. Unconsciously, I had warmed up to the girl.

"Good," came my small murmur.

Adjusting Kuria-Dei horizontally across my back, I grimaced when I felt a heavy pull. My Kido obi was unharmed by Ulquiorra's blast that seemed like ages ago. Patting it in place, I started to turn, motioning for Ito to follow.

The small Arrancar obeyed, trailing beside me like a _friend_.

_Kuria-Dei, can you hear me?_

Silence. It felt like something was muffling my soul.

And the fainest response, _**I can hear you, Hazumi.**_

That's all I needed to hear. With a small smile, I addressed the Arrancar beside me.

"So Ito... have you ever done a conjunction spell before?"

I grinned as she blinked up at me, shaking her head. We were at the hole now, and I looked down.

Shit was already goin' down.

"Well, just follow my lead."

And I jumped.

_Barry... You released. That must mean Karakura isn't doing so hot. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but... _

_Your zanpakutou always scared the shit out of me. _

_And Ichigo seems to be sulking down there. _

_I never get a fucking break._

I could see Yammy Riyalgo from here. His power was overwhelming.

I could barely concentrate over the sheer force-

**-X-**

Ichigo was in the Espada's grasp. He was about to die.

Yammy would butcher him.

"Now die, you piece of shit."

**"Hadō 88: ********Hiryugekizokushintenraiho********!"**

A sudden exclamation!

A white plasma string had attached itself to Yammy's shoulder- so small and light it hadn't been noticed. That was, until the blue wave of power followed the string, landing a direct hit on the Cero Espada.

The blast should have been devastating, but it only weakened the Espada for a second, something Hazumi knew. She had anticipated Yammy dropping Ichigo-

Success.

She grabbed his arm as he started to fall, _flashing_ away before Riyalgo could recover.

And as he started to gather himself, "_What the hell! Get out of here dammit!"_

He was aiming for the _Fuku Kidōchō_, a heavy swipe-

A clean cleave from an unknown blade.

Yammy's leg fell to the ground, useless.

Hazumi managed to get a good distance away, groaning as she dropped Ichigo in the hot sand. She remained standing as the sub shinigami gazed at her, tawny eyes blinking. The events hadn't caught up to him yet.

Hazumi rolled her shoulder, "Come on, Ito!"

The static of _Sonído_ reached their ears, and then the small girl was there.

"Thanks for that. You did pretty good."

"Thank you, Hazumi-sama."

The blonde laughed nervously, "Ahh. Drop the honorific, okay? That's just weird."

"But Hazumi-sama..." Ichigo watched the two interact as if they had known each other for years- Hazumi waving her hands in front of her face, and Ito blinking with innocence. And then the girl sobered, glancing at Ichigo.

"You okay?"

He slowly nodded, looking off to where the action was.

"Seems Kuchiki and Kenpachi have got a lid on this."

"Yeah. That's right, Nagasaki. Now get your scrawny ass back. And take Kurosaki with you. You two look pitiful."

Ichigo watched as Hazumi closed her eyes in annoyance.

Her brows twitched, "Pitiful, hell!"

_"Huh..." _

Kenpachi's gaze flew to Ichigo. "No. Not 'huh?'. We're tellin' you to get the hell out of the way. 'Cause you're a disgrace that gets his ass kicked everywhere he goes. Shithead."

Two reactions: Hazumi's uncontrollable laughter, and Ichigo's obliviousness.

_"Huh...?"_

"Shit, now you've done it, Kurosaki!"

Kenpachi swiped down with his blade, sending Ichigo and Hazumi flying. She landed with her face in the sand, sputtering. Ichigo landed at her side, freaking out. "W-w-what the hell! You really tried to slash me just now! That was close! Are you trying to kill me!"

Kenpachi's expression- priceless horror. "That's right. Cowards should die."

He was flying towards the two, ready to open up a can of whoop ass-

A giant hand sent him back, punching him through air. Kenpachi crashed into a pillar. Ichigo was calling Kenpachi's name, whilst Hazumi was attempting to tug her head from the sand.

Her muffled shouts were unheard to his ears, but Byakuya Kuchiki heard her. With a merciless kick to the side, Kuchiki sent Hazumi flying, but succeeded in freeing head in doing so. Her body was lying in the sand, and groans were escaping her lips.

"Fuckin' A..."

Byakuya held Ichigo back, "I thought I told you to fall back, Ichigo Kurosaki."

**-X-**

Mayuri wouldn't shut up.

I vaguely wondered why the hell he was here. I wasn't listening to his words, only the annoying drawl of his creepy voice. But then I heard footsteps by my head, and a grip on the collar of my shirt.

I was lifted into the air without any effort whatsoever.

"You two are test subjects No. 1. You don't have the right to refuse or make any decisions!"

I visibly paled, realizing with a shock of horror that it was Kurotsuchi who had a steel grasp on my shirt. I shot a stricken look at Ichigo, who was standing just a few feet away.

_"What the hell have you gotten me into!"_

"Do not worry, Hazumi-san. I shall go with you."

Unohana Retsu on scene.

The grasp on my shirt relented, and I landed in the sand for the umpteenth time with an ungraceful _thud._ Rubbing my bottom, I winced as I stood.

Shooting a crippling glare at Ichigo, "Don't you say a word."

He just blinked.

Unohana was beside me now, a gentle hand on my shoulder. We exchanged a mutual look before Kurotsuchi continued, sparking a headache on my end. I didn't want to hear his rambling.

_Analyzing the Garuganta means... we can leave. _

_Barry..._

I was in. Ichigo came up beside me, hollering and acting immature.

The Captain's shut him down in a heartbeat. I didn't take a side, I just stood there with my arms crossed, ready to get the hell out of there.

But then something struck me.

"Ito!"

Blinking, my gaze rotated around, searching for the childish Arrancar. But she wasn't there.

She was just... gone.

**_It may be for the best, seeing as so many high level Captains are around. She sensed this. _**

**_It is for the best._**

_Dei! _

She sounded tired.

**_I'm okay. Just don't... do that again._**

It took me a minute to know what she was talking about.

_Releasing Bachi no Seken's power... Breaking that sphere._

**_Yeah. That._**

_Okay, Dei. It's not like I could, anyway. It's broken.  
_

But now...

Anything for Kuria-Dei. I didn't want to hear that silence anymore.

But I did hear the _rip_ of a Garuganta opening, and then it was there. Gaping in front of us.

The flow of conversation made its way to my ears.

"Nothing... I was just thinking that Urahara-san also stood up someplace high and talked when he sent us off."

_Oh shit. _

Ichigo was comparing the two scientists, oblivious to the fact that Mayuri would bust a cap in his ass. And then probably dissect him. But then I caught sight of the mischievous glimmer in Ichigo's eye, and I realized he knew exactly what he was doing.

My eyes softened, and a small smile graced my lips.

_Idiot._

With a mocking bark of laughter, I glanced back at Mayuri, whose features were darkening. I stepped towards the _Garuganta_, listening to Ichigo taunt the poor bastard.

And then Kurotsuchi pretty much went off his rocker.

**"You swine!" **

I jumped into the black with a grin, Ichigo and Unohana following in suit.

_I'm coming, Barry._

**-X-**

_I know you're the_

_Friend._

_Yeah, Kurosaki._

_We'll handle this._

_If you don't die,_

_I won't._

_So don't._

_Boke.  
_

_

* * *

_**(1)** Despicable Monstrosity.

_Boke- idiot, fool._

So there were a lot of breaks in this one. It's just the way it worked out.

I'd love to hear from you.


	38. Clarity

**A/N: **Hello guys. Busy busy, but I got this in writing because it's been swirling around in my mind, I suppose. And it may be because I just took a liking to all who read this. Who knows. I'm going soft. 192 reviews will do that to even the coldest hearts, I presume.

_Thank you._

**LogicOfFire, Eklipt, Animelover1993, Shadow of a Broken Angel, Shadowgouf, Mysticbreez.**

_I sound like some over-gracious sweetheart or something. I guess I'm a sucker for you guys._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_Treinta y siete:_**

_"Clarity"_

_

* * *

_Who wants to

Go first?

We'll all jump in.

Right after

You.

You were volunteered

And

Forced.

Yet we all

Follow you, as if

You carry the

Beacon

Of

Light.

And somehow,

I fell

For you.

How does that

Work

Again...?

* * *

The pavement was cool on her bandaged feet as she stopped to stand above the fallen Espada.

Her hands were at her sides- everything about Barry Nguyen at that moment screamed passive bystander. Her face was worn and her olive eyes were heavy with an all too familiar emotion. Dried blood flaked from her chest, and she had wiped it from her brow, smudging her pale face in the process. Her shoulder had been wrapped with a shaky hand, but the bleeding had stopped thanks to her Kido performance. She stared down at Starrk Coyote with a pull to her brows and her lips sloping without her permission.

It seemed this man had that effect on her.

She couldn't quite get a firm grasp on control in his presence.

Finally Barry broke the silence with a gruff acknowledgment, "Must be a painfully slow death."

Starrk had known the woman had moved to stand over him, but he had not verbally recognized her authority until she spoke, and only then did he crack a lid with a languid slowness, expression smoothed over as he waited for death to seize him in its slimy claws. He didn't confirm her thoughtless statement, for they both knew she had been right. Kyōraku had done the deed. He was finished.

Now he could only wait.

"Why do you not just up and disappear like your comrades?"

"It's coming. I can feel it."

And then, the cold and hard Barry Nguyen flinched upon hearing his nearly monotonous tone.

"Do you not care about your demise?"

"I wonder why a sh-" He cut himself short, but not because of the pain like Barry had thought.

He paused for her title.

_What she was. _

There was a slight hitch in his voice, "An ex-shinigami... cares about an Espada's death."

The explosives whiz crouched to balance on the balls of her feet, eyes flying to Starrk's wounds. He was soaked in blood. There was no way she could help-

_What the fuck?_

"You look confused, Barry-san. Is death that puzzling to you?"

Barry barely caught the dark humor in his tone, and she could only offer a bemused half-smile. "No... the thought just struck me to aid you. It surprised me, that is all."

"That_ is_ surprising," he murmured, eyes on the woman's face. She lifted her head to meet his gaze, frowning slightly. She saw a resigned acceptance and futility staring back at her, whereas he saw confusion and a need.

A need to help and heal.

He read her thoughts through her expression, "You know you are not the best in that department. We are enemies."

She tore her gaze from his, glancing to her side. A thoughtless sigh escaped her lips, "A shame. You seem to be the type to hold an intellectual conversation."

"Loss of blood may be impairing your judgment."

She shrugged, "Ah. We'll never know now, right?"

The Primera could see her features darken as the words left her lips, and her olive orbs briefly flickered upwards. In that second that she had made contact with Aizen, he could see her shutting down. Her eyes going hollow again. She was struggling to smooth over the lines in her face and control her movements. Starrk noted her hands had even stopped moving.

This woman before him was good, very good.

His gaze was still on her as she looked back down at him.

"As I stated before, it is a shame. A pity you had to be swayed by such a worthless creature."

She was speaking ill of Aizen. A bad temperament, she had with the man. Starrk rolled his eyes to stare at the sky, ignoring the ongoing confrontation up above. "I suppose," he said quietly.

Just thinking about the days before Aizen brought a sense of that loneliness back to him.

Never again did he want to feel that burden.

"You were desperate, huh." Her voice was quiet now.

Starrk's grey eyes moved back to Barry, where she now sat beside him. She was leaning back on her arms, her knees bent. It looked like she didn't have a care in the world.

He found he didn't want to take his eyes off of her.

"I get that from you. Don't try to deny it," she side-glanced him, twisted her lips, "you're an open book to me, Starrk Coyote."

A ghost of a smile flickered his lips before he felt cold. "Likewise, Barry-san."

"Even in death..." She shook her head, gazing at the man one more time. "It's been a pleasure, Starrk. Sorry things couldn't have turned out differently. You're not so bad."

His eyes were closing.

The world was dimming.

"Yeah..."

_I am not alone. _

So many faces flashed by him. His comrades, the Espada. Lilynette.

And Barry Nguyen.

He felt something small and warm enclose his cold and calloused hand with an inconsequential tentativeness.

Her hand.

Barry knew the words were hanging in the air above them, swirling in the dying Espada's dimming mind.

His dimming world.

So she said them aloud.

_"You're not alone, Starrk Coyote."_

And a small pressure to her slight hand before his grip loosened all together.

Fading.

Gone.

_You found a place in my heart, you good for nothing Espada._

"So long," it was only a whisper in the breeze.

* * *

Clarity.

My feet were moving quickly as Ichigo, Unohana, and I made our way through this gaping black, making way for Karakura. Conversation was flowing quite easily between the Yobantai Taicho and the substitute shinigami, but I deliberately distanced myself from their exchanging of words.

I was too busy feeling the storm pass.

_Kuria-Dei... Are you still there?_

_**I answered you back in Hueco Mundo. Yes, I'm here. **_

It wasn't that I didn't take her word for her sudden departure and arrival, but I felt uncertain and hesitant in regards to Kuria-Dei. Those moments back in Las Noches scared me. She wouldn't answer- I thought I had lost her.

_**You didn't lose me. In fact, it's quite the opposite.**_

_Please elaborate. _

_**Wow. There's even a please. I should take leave more often. **_

My patience was ebbing by the second, she knew this. Just let her get it out, I thought. Let the stupid spirit spew all her wisdom and grace and ride her high horse like she owned the world. I'd let her do that for now.

_**You really were scared,**_ came her quiet observation.

"Hazumi-san, you're lagging behind." Unohana's gentle voice shook me from my pointless banter with my enigmatic zanpakutou, and I blinked a few times, noticing that I was in fact a few more paces behind the two shinigami than I should have been.

"Oh," was my eloquent once-over.

Real smooth, Hazumi.

_**I was placed with a Brainchild. **_

_**Thank the heavens.**_

Ichigo turned his head to glance in my general direction as we ran, furrowing his brows as he saw the absent look coating my expression and the varnished glint in my black eyes.

He didn't like my silence; it made him uneasy. I had said virtually nothing during this trip through the _Garuganta. _I had seemed fine to him earlier, too...

That was a lie and he knew it. He knew there was something under the surface, waiting to jump out. He knew something was up. The energy around me was clearer and no longer so muggy. Like a crisp gulp of fresh air when he got close.

It was drawing him nearer, but he was still weary.

And back to my thoughts.

_**Whatever. I'll just go on with it. The black is gone. Bachi no Seken is no longer a hindrance to my abilities. She was too dark for my taste, Hazumi. With her little 'orb of darkness' or whatever you'd like to call it out of the way, I can move more freely. **_

Kuria-Dei sensed my objectivity, but she cut me off as I thought.

_**Don't. **_

_**Think about my name. Chrissake, even you know 'Clear Day' sounds like it doesn't mix so well with the darkness that Bachi no Seken emitted. **_

_So my Bankai is virtually powerless now...?_

I felt her shrug.

_**Meh. I don't know. **_

_**Don't care. You've got me.**_

Great.

_**But I would imagine our Bankai will have a different impact upon its next release.**_

I discarded that thought for another time.

_So why did you disappear for such a short while back there after the orb atop Bachi no Seken was destroyed?_

Dei was quiet for a few moments.

Then she spoke, sober.

_**I had to take time to adjust to my new power. Bachi no Seken was a horrible restriction. **_

_**I'm free. And she's powerless. **_

_**That bitch ain't got nothin' on me.**_

In all my days with Kuria-Dei, I had never heard her speak with such crude manner and inference.

_**We're at a new start, Hazumi. Think back to our first encounter.**_

_** So pure and having so much Clarity. **_

_**We'll be able to do so much more now. **_

Her voice was eagerly convincing and avid for my apprehension to fade. And I felt that way, too, I realized with a start. I wanted this clouded doubt to go. Now I felt lighter and clearer than I had before. There was no...

_What did you do!_

I felt so light. I hadn't felt this much clarity since the murder.

Since I murdered those kids.

_**Ah. Bachi no Seken and her intentions surfaced at about that time. The darkness had crept into your thoughts without your realizing. But now... **_

_**You've changed, Hazumi.**_

_** It's our time now.**_

_You've changed...**  
**_

I had changed. That was the gist of our conversation. Right there, plain and simple.

I had changed.

"Hazumi-san... I wonder..."

I was still behind Unohana and Ichigo, but she had addressed me again.

"Hm?" was my absent acknowledgment.

My mind was whirling and was ticking like clockwork- I saw no need for conversation.

"In the Central 46 Chambers those months ago, did you see Aizen Sosuke's s_hikai_?"

The got my attention. My head snapped up at Unohana's inquiry, and I saw her eyes glancing back at me with a gentle tenderness. Despite my attempt at keeping a mild temperament, my voice was harsh. "I have seen _Kyōka Suigetsu._"

Thoroughly avoided the question and shut down any conversation to continue the pointless stroll down Memory Lane. She nodded without hesitation, glancing back to Ichigo. "You have your answer."

My charcoal eyes cut to the sub shinigami upon this, eyes tightening as I saw that his gaze was narrowed on my face.

_I wonder... what he wanted to get out of that._

I rolled my eyes at the boy, "You're so naïve. Just because that one roadblock is standing in our way doesn't mean shit. This is still a united front, Kurosaki. Don't you go forgetting that. You can't possibly do this alone."

I had caught up with them now, running between Unohana and Ichigo. I ran a hand over my side, exhaling slowly as the skin still felt tender. Adjusting my Kido obi over the exposed skin, I swallowed thickly as I felt the fabric rubbing my flesh the wrong way.

_**That's going to be a very nasty bruise.**_

_Better than a hole in my side._

_**Touche, my friend.**_

I caught up with Ichigo, and I glanced at him through the corner of my eye. The boy was ready and set. His eyes reflected every ounce of determination possible, and absolutely no doubt. He knew what he wanted.

My voice was low enough so that Unohana couldn't hear, "Don't make the mistake of thinking you're something special."

I knew I threw him off balance because I saw his head snap towards me, and I took the time to glance at him. His brows had pulled tightly and his lips were tipped.

"What'd you say?"

I had antagonized him, I realized with a sick sort of amusement.

Shrugging lightly, "You heard me. Just because you haven't seen Aizen's _shikai_ doesn't mean shit."

"What are you getting at, Hazumi?"

And I turned my full gaze on him. My lips were set in a hard line, and my brows met. I had turned a one-eighty on the boy.

"Don't be a hero, Ichigo. You're not unbeatable. I think we've established that fact back in Las Noches," I held up a hand as he opened his mouth to argue, "Yeah, I get it. You're alive. But next time that voodoo shit might not work."

My eyes darted from his as my voice got lower, "And I may be late again. Whatever the case, you're still human. Remember that. I'm sure it's hard to forget sometimes."

His eyes were still on me as I moved over, done with the conversation.

From this point, his words didn't mean anything.

_Liar._ I didn't even need Kuria-Dei to call me out on that-

I called myself out. I wanted to hear his words- I _needed_ to hear his strong words of reassurance, but that wasn't how things went. I was no fool. Ichigo was scared. I was scared. I had a gaping pit in my stomach. I felt his turmoil from here. We were both messes.

But I wouldn't let it affect a thing. I was different now. There was clarity in my life. My soul. And I would make it okay. I shot another glance at the boy, seeing his gaze was back in front of us. A ghost of a smile graced my lips before I turned back.

But I knew he saw it. I knew Ichigo was aware of every small movement that I made. It was something that I hadn't noticed before- that he was very analytical in his own discreet way. And here I was, the one who hated to be analyzed.

What a pair we were.

Shaking my head with a bemused smile, I decided to address the lighter segment of our predicaments. I airily commented over my shoulder, "Unohana, you should lead, eh? Kurosaki can't pave way worth shit. Pitiful," I was shaking my head and clucking my tongue at the boy as he turned to me and shook his fist, annoyed.

"What are you talking about, Hag!"

My gaze snapped to his scrunched face, "Oi! Don't start that hag thing again, _Bozu_!"

"I can't help it when you talk like that!"

"What's wrong with the way I talk!"

"You use those antiquated terms like 'squirt' and 'whippersnapper'!"

"I have never used the ridiculous term 'whippersnapper'!" came my indignant shout.

"Hell you haven't-!"

"I shall take the lead, if you two don't mind?" Soft menace practically oozed from Unohana's usually gentle form, and I blinked.

I believe Ichigo paled a bit, and he stuttered almost like a girl. "O-okay, Unohana-san..."

Only an amused snort on my part. The boy shot me a withering look, but I waved it off with a light gesture, grin widening as I saw his irritation. It was an act; he loved this.

_Idiot. _

As Unohana stepped forward, Ichigo was suddenly amazed by the path that she started to create. It was smooth rolling from there. That was, until the boy started to comment on it, and a light banter started back and forth between the two Captain class shinigami about the Ichigo's crude reiatsu and Unohana's perfection.

And then he started to talk about his own reiatsu, and how he was only at half power.

_What the hell?_

_**You've chosen an oddball, Hazumi. **_

I blinked and muttered a curse as Kuria-Dei's words struck me.

_I didn't choose shit. Whatever the hell this is- our flimsy relationship at best- chose me._

_ Like hell I would choose such a moron._

Though my thoughts were barbed with irritation and absurdity, little did I know it was an endearing gesture towards the boy. My calling him names just added to the fact that I would have ceased to have amusement in my life if it weren't for him.

_**Amusement is what you call it, huh?**_

_** I think it's loooove~. **_

_I think you need to shove it up your-_

"Hazumi-san, as I restore Kurosaki-san's reiatsu, I will restore yours as well?"

Unohana's voice once again ripped me from my pointless exchange with my _genial_ zanpakutou, and I had to struggle to keep in the here and now.

Restore reiatsu...?

"Oh yeah, sure thing, Unohana-san."

She gave a small nod and soon became submersed in her magic, though it was a thoughtless process on her part. Retsu Unohana was as natural as healers come. She was the best of the best- I could never measure up to the woman.

Nevertheless, I had enjoyed my time as the Fukutaicho of the Yobantai under her care and jurisdiction.

"Hazumi-san..."

The Yobantai Taicho's sturdy voice broke my musings of the past, and I cast distant charcoals in her general direction. She was frowning.

I immediately brought my undivided attention to her figure. "What is it, Unohana-san?"

"I cannot... touch your _Reiryoku _levels. Do you have any safeguards erected?"

I shook my head, frowning. "No."

Small lines creased her forehead as she frowned, pensive.

I, too, was befuddled.

_**It's me. I am your safeguard.**_

_For God's sakes, let the woman do her job. It's not like Unohana's going to deplete all my stores. _

_**It's not my fault. I can't help it. **_

_We've never had this problem before. Others can usually heal me, help me. Why now?_

_**You've grown.**_

_Bull. _

_**It's true. My power is greater without Bachi no Seken clouding everything. **_

_It's Unohana, Chrissake! _

_**Don't you think I know that? It's not something I can just turn on and off. That's why that Arrancar's technique hurt you so much. I couldn't help but lash out.**_

_Bloody perfect._

Unohana was still staring at me.

I averted my gaze, "Don't worry about it. I've got it covered, Unohana-san. Thank you."

_This worries me. _

_**Don't let it.**_

_What if I can't heal myself? That's __almost like you're hurting me._

_**It won't come to that.**_

_You sound so sure. _

_**I'm not an idiot. **_

_Uh huh._

_**I do think ahead, you know.**_

_ Then what's your master plan if I'm dying again?_

_**But it's so much better to leave you in suspense.**_

_We're talking about my life, Dei._

And of course she didn't answer.

To hell with it. I'd leave it up to her. I'd fight until I couldn't, and if I died because my zanpakutou was a stubborn ass, then okay.

"I see it!" Ichigo's voice wrenched me out of my thoughts- that was happening too much for my liking in this _Garuganta_. But his exclamation was brought on by a sudden opening. A crack of light.

The end of the black.

The other side.

_Karakura._

The sub shinigami was tense beside me. He was ready- no. Only as ready as one could be for this. The end of it all- Aizen's demise or... his death. I wouldn't let that happen.

No, I thought with a searing force of ferocity, I wouldn't let that happen.

If it came down to it, I'd risk myself for him.

Even if it meant a blade piercing my heart for him, I'd keep Ichigo Kurosaki alive.

We were almost at the light.

I spared him one last glance, and found he was staring right back at me.

I did not force myself to smile. We were beyond that.

"Promise me, okay?"

And the look he gave me, ten times the emotion that I could ever give. Ten times the care and concern.

He was such a powerful kid.

"I promise," came his thick reply. "Now you."

But we were already there, and I'm sure he heard me as he dashed through, "I don't make those kind of promises, _Anata._"

**-X-**

_It's up to Ichigo._

_I'll do my best, _

_But no promises._

_Okay._

_One promise._

_He will not die._

_Not if I_

_Have a say_

_In it.  
_

* * *

_Anata- _Darling.

**Thanks guys. I appreciate your support and care and love you put forth for this story.  
**


	39. Duty vs Loyalty

**A/N:** Wow, we're at 201 reviews. I honestly was pretty speechless when I realized this. You lot have given me so much motivation and drive to write this, so thank you. It's quite an experience.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Treinta y ocho:**_

_"Duty vs. Loyalty"  
_

_

* * *

_

When I think,

I hurt.

For in much

Wisdom

is much

Grief.

And increase of

Knowledge

Is increase of

Sorrow.

* * *

**( H A Z U M I )**

I did not make it through the _Garuganta_.

Or rather, I did not let myself take that last step that would have brought me back into the light and freed me from the suffocating black. Instead, a slight hitch in power- so barely there that even I almost overlooked the small snag- had my feet hesitating to reach the light, and that caused me to not follow Ichigo and Unohana back to Karakura. I was right there at the rift; I could leave.

But I did not.

Instead, I turned my back on the opening, my feet straying from my intended path.

It seemed we had not been alone in the black all along.

My coal eyes scanned the equally dark surroundings with tightened suspicion. Fruitless. Vision was almost counterproductive at this point; I would have been better off with using my other senses. But I did not like this presence. It made the hair on my arms tingle and a small pit form in my gut.

It was watching me.

**-X-**

**( K A R A K U R A )**

The boy was back.

Ichigo Kurosaki had come back, alive and well. Barry watched from atop a stone building with a dull gaze as he tore through the atmosphere, emerging from a dark _Garuganta_ with ease. A strong swipe aimed for Aizen's neck would have ended it- but Aizen was smart. He had come protected. The artisan had anticipated some kind of defense, and her suspicions were confirmed as the Kurosaki boy's strong cleave triggered a Kido shield-

Barry's stomach tightened as the _Garuganta_ started to close.

A small movement from inside- a dim swish of fair strands.

Hair.

Barry saw the figure turn, her eyes glancing back from the opening with black mistrust. Her expression was stone- smooth, tanned stone.

_Hazumi..._

Those eyes were not something she recognized. Clear and understanding. Finally comprehending. Knowledgeable. She was no longer ignorant of the truth. Some truth that Barry wasn't even aware of, yet she knew existed.

_What has happened to you?_

The portal closed. But Barry could not erase those eyes from her vision. That was not the Hazumi that had entered Hueco Mundo. That woman was foreign. Hazumi Nagasaki had terrible cards dealt to her from the beginning, but she had never gone cold. She was a warm being with feeling, and she was awkward as hell with those feelings. But she was never cold. Angry and annoyed most of the time, yes, but never... _unfeeling._

A light sheen coated Barry's eyes as she stared longingly at the sky, _Garuganta_ leaving no trace.

_It seems you've finally become calloused, Nagasaki._

But why?

"Barry! Oi, Barry! You're lookin' a little rough there."

Her eyes never left the space in the sky, even as the light footsteps stopped at her side. The slight figure sighed, shaking her head. Fuchsia strands moved with the motion. "Spacing off again, right in the middle of the greatest battle that we've taken part of. Really. You never cease to amaze me."

Mon stood at her side, slightly frazzled. She had cuts and scrapes here and there from miscellaneous hollows that seemed to appear left and right, and the lines on her face signified exhaustion. She had done some heavy duty healing back there with the shinigami. Overexertion, really. The girl had never been good with stamina, and she had always been smaller and weaker than others- she accepted that. But she still pushed herself with this. She couldn't match these foes with strength, but she could aid her _comrades_ all she could.

She would heal until she collapsed, and then she'd let Barry pick up the pieces. It had been like that for years. Their companionship had formed its own routine and style, and that's how it had normally went.

"You did good, Mon."

Barry was still not looking at her. Her voice was off.

"You should go to Unohana and get yourself checked out. I can't... pick you up this time. Aizen will... tear us to shreds, you know that."

Olives connected with coral.

Cause and Effect. Mon's eyes widened when she saw the look on Barry's face.

It had her heart chilling.

Fear.

Mon had never seen Barry reveal any emotion akin to fear. Surprise, and regret, and sadness and anger, but never in all her years by Barry's side had she seen fear. It was terrifying. Oblivious to Barry's extended encounter with the Primera Espada, Mon was clueless. She wouldn't, couldn't, understand this sensation Barry had started to feel.

Said artisan started to stand, eyes flying to where Aizen had taken to antagonizing Ichigo Kurosaki.

"I don't like what he's saying to Kurosaki. His voice... has gotten annoying," she cast a fleeting glance at her long-time companion, "keep safe with Unohana. See why..."

A hitch in her voice caused her to falter, and Mon watched with a silent gaze.

She waited for Barry to collect herself.

"See why... Hazumi did not return from Hueco Mundo."

**-X-**

**( H A Z U M I )**

"I know you are there," my soft voice echoed throughout the black. It sounded like just me, like I was alone.

Only a fool would believe such naïve things.

A cool breeze from the left-

I pivoted to grab an arm that had been aimed for my side. From this proximity I could see jagged nails, razor sharp. The fingers wriggled, and a small chuckle had my grip on the arm tightening.

"My, my, Shinigami. You are a keen one," came a sweet voice.

Too sweet- it was sickly.

The arm was no longer in my grasp. Something was fluttering around me.

What was going on?

"You seem confused. Let me clear things up a bit..."

Light.

I winced from the sudden luminosity, hand flying up to shade my eyes for comfort. A small _thunk_ resounded throughout the space, and it took me a few seconds to realize something had landed beside my feet, skidding to a stop. I blinked, adjusting my eyes to see-

"Deceit calls for death. The Arrancar is lucky I enjoy toying with my victims."

A crumpled figure at my feet.

Purple silk, porcelain skin.

I visibly paled.

Wordlessly, I sank to a crouch as if my body was too much weight, my black eyes identifying Ito's irregular features in a heartbeat.

Blood. She was slick with blood, but her chest was still moving.

Barely.

With sooty orbs, I ran a hand over her glass face, wiping crimson from the small girl's eye.

Brilliant blues locked my gaze.

My heart wrenched painfully.

She was silent as she gazed up at me. Her face didn't express anything; I didn't expect it to.

"She wouldn't talk, so I followed the trace of your lingering reiatsu. I gotta say, she has some weird loyalties, to a shinigami and all. Disgraceful."

I was still staring at Ito's eyes. They were that beautiful blue that I had come to find quite magnificent- I had never seen a blue with that shine. And to think someone would harm a creature with such innocent eyes.

"I only got that she helped you in some way. I really wanted to kill her then-"

"I tire of your meaningless scuttlebutt, girl. If you're here to kill, then draw your sword. Otherwise, shut your goddamn mouth."

And then, the temperature dropped drastically. I could see my breath from centimeters away. Ito's eyes gazed at me for a moment longer before closing; I felt her hands shivering.

"How... dare... you!"

Rage.

Yet, so cold.

**-X-**

**( K A R A K U R A )**

Barry sighed as she landed amongst the mass of Shinigami, white _Haori_ swaying in the breeze as she came to a stop. Her presence was registered right away. "Barry-san! What are you...?"

She turned her gaze to see the Kurosaki boy blinking at her, questioning her decisions. She noted that he seemed even more surprised when he saw the white garment adorning her shoulders. She crossed her arms as she gazed at the boy, olive orbs locking tawny.

"Ichigo Kurosaki..." She pulled her brows, frowning.

Her tone was deliberate and enunciated. "Where is Hazumi?"

She would never say that she was worried. Barry didn't feel much. She went with the flow. But every once and awhile, the explosives genius went a little off track- like now.

Upon her words, Ichigo's eyes widened, and he automatically reached out for the girl's presence, which had become something of a constant in his life. "What are you talking about? She's-"

But he couldn't feel her.

It struck him cold.

_So cold. I can see... snow. _

_Ito..._

What the...?

He was staring at his hands, which had started to shake.

_Cold..._

_Why did... it feel cold, just now?_

"Seems you don't know where she is." Barry's cool voice had a slight edge to it that had his gaze flying to her form, which had stepped forward to stand beside Shinji. Beside Hitsugaya. He saw her acknowledge the small Captain's place- his number. Her number.

But he didn't dwell on Barry Nguyen's movements any longer- he felt a rising dread in his gut, clouting him with anxiety. She had been right beside him- right there!

_Why is there red... in the snow? I'm so cold. _

_Ito... where is Ito?_

And he was being bombarded with the familiar scent-

"Kurosaki." Ichigo's gaze snapped up, the glaze over his eyes shaken away.

Barry was giving him a hard look. "I didn't ask to give you a panic attack. I'm sure she's okay. But you need to stay here. Don't go wandering off wondering how she's doing. Hazumi won't be okay if you don't get your shit together."

_Hazumi won't be okay..._

"That's it. Now stop acting like a kid. We've got one shot," the _clink_ of metal signified her fiddling with her knives, "and you better not screw it up. I don't want to die today."

**-X-**

**( H A Z U M I )**

_It's... so cold._

_ I can't... move._

"I should kill you right away, Shinigami. You were very disrespectful to me. However, I quite like your face. I want to kill you slow."

A sword was protruding from my arm. It had encased my arm in ice and was pinning it to the ground- if you could even call this ground. Either way, I couldn't move. Ito was dying at my side, and I was just sitting there taking this.

"You weren't very fun, Shinigami." I couldn't even see the Arrancar's face- it was still too dark.

The light had faded until it was only a dull shimmer.

I could only see as far as Ito, and then the rest was black.

So dark.

_**Why do you sit here, pinned in the black, when there is only clarity in your heart?**_

Kuria-Dei's voice was a strong hit to reality.

What was I doing?

_**I am sorry. It seems that it took time for you to adjust to my new reign, as well. But you are over it. **_

_**Kill this measly Arrancar.**_

I was so cold.

And it was so dark.

I hated the dark.

_**Release me, Hazumi.**_

There was a breeze to my right, caressing my face.

On my cheek, just like a frigid hand. I felt cool breath on my face. A glacial presence in front of me.

_I am so cold. _

"Such a pretty face," ice on my skin. Frosty words.

Frozen hands cupping my cheeks.

Those icicle nails grazing my sensitive skin.

_**Hazumi...**_

My small grip _flashed_ to enclose the Arrancar's wrist.

"Sorry."

I amassed my _Reiryoku_ at a record pace, and it was all gone in a blur.

**"****Hadō ****11: Tsuzuri Raiden."**

A shocking, static bolt emitted from my shaking hand, transferring to the Arrancar's flesh. The yellow electricity illuminated the dark for just a few seconds, letting me catch sight of my opponent who had been shrouded in darkness. Ugliness. The girl's looks contrasted deeply with her voice. She was disgusting, what she was and who she worked for.

Everything about her was ugly.

And then the dark fell upon us like a curtain once again.

The girl's shrill screams emptied the hollow _Garuganta. _

_Like a Banshee..._

The ice coating my arm immediately shattered, the sword dissipated in dust. There was just a bloody hole in my forearm now.

_"Ha...Hazumi...sama..."_

I followed Ito's voice, crawling to her crumpled body. I cringed at the pain in my arm, the ripped muscle and slashed tendons, but I gathered Ito to lay there in my arms.

_No..._

I could barely here her breathing.

"I'm here, Ito. I'll get you patched up."

"You seem... different... Hazumi-sama..."

My face fell when I ran a hand over her stomach.

_Stab... wounds... _

There were so many, and not in vital organs or arteries, either. Where it was painful, but not lethal. She would bleed out, just like that Arrancar intended.

_"I am... sorry, Hazumi-sama." _

My eyes brimmed with searing liquid.

"We'll be okay, Ito," I brought her closer, burying my face in her silk hair, "you'll be okay."

My voice hitched, catching in the back of my throat.

_"You'll be okay."_

I just hoped to God she didn't feel the sheen of moisture coating her hair.

**-X-**

"It's about time you showed up."

"Hell of a greeting, Barry." I was face-to-face with the one and only Barry Nguyen on the pavement of Karakura. Ito lay in my arms, motionless and crimson, the essence of life slipping from her small grasp. I hadn't felt her breathe in sixty seconds. I felt Barry's eyes fall on the girl as I lowered her to the concrete, cracking my knuckles as I prepared a Kido technique.

"You gonna heal her?"

I didn't answer the artisan as I sat on my knees, hovering over Ito's small frame. She was just a child, I thought, as I gazed down at her. She was so small, so innocent. Why would-

"I'll go get Mon."

And with her curt utterance, she flashed away.

Strong reiatsu made its way to my senses, and I vaguely remembered this was a battlefield.

_Yeah, who cares if Yamamoto-Soutaicho is fighting against Aizen?_ _Certainly not Barry._

She didn't care about being a bystander; she'd walk right through the fight if she had to.

_Plop._

Blinking, I slowly looked down to see drops of water plummet and hit smooth glass. Salty moisture. Slowly I lifted my hand to my face, rubbing the the water-like tracks on my cheeks.

_Crying..._

_"I'll go get Mon."_

That's why she was so short. Barry took off because I was crying.

_Hah._

What a cheap friend-

A sudden explosion rocked Karakura!

_"What the hell!"_

In a split second I had no choice but to dive over Ito, shielding her inert build with my own body as rubble and debris flew into the air. I felt rocks skid across my back, and I felt a _blinding flash_ of pain for a split second, and then the eruption abated.

"_Ucgh!"_

_My back... _

"Hazumi!" Ichigo's voice.

_Don't... come over here... now._

A thick trail of warm liquid was racing down the skin of my back, bumping over my spine.

_I didn't come here... to make him worry._

_ I didn't tear a fresh hole through that Garuganta to be a burden. _

_I didn't come here to watch Ito die._

I felt failure. My front was sopped with Ito's blood. She was just a child-! 

_**Then do something.**_

My vision was blurred with water, but Kuria-Dei's voice was clear as a bell. 

_**Move. **_

"Hazumi!" His was voice closer.

I had to force myself to lift my gaze, head rotating as I tried to spot from where the boy was moving. I found him up in the air.

"Daijoubu desu ka!"

"Don't you dare come down here, Kurosaki, or I'll kill you myself!"

My arms were shaking as I lifted myself up, and I shuddered a breath as I felt pain wrack my lean build. I hadn't had time to heal my arm; it was virtually useless. But I would not let Ito die.

My hands were radiating a pale indigo.

**"Kyōmon."**

A glassy barrier started to form around Ito's still body, and I pressed my hand to the murky wall, channeling my _Reiryoku _with a gentle edge-

"I'll take it from here, Hazumi."

A small hand was beside mine on the barrier's wall, and I blinked, turning my head to see Mon seated beside me. Her palm was glowing that coral color of hers, and it was languidly seeping through the barrier and into the Arrancar's flesh.

"Mon..."

"You shouldn't be wasting your energy here. You'll probably need it all for your insubordination."

"Huh?"

_Insubordination?_

_**Beats me.**_

"Get up, Hazumi. We've got work to do."

"Barry?"

"You felt that _Hadō _technique from Yamamoto just now. He's out. _Ittō Kasō _is a sacrificial spell, you know that. Your boy is taking things now. Get up." Barry's voice was gruff and curt, but I stood to face her back anyway.

"Barry..." My throat felt tight as I listened to her speak, felt her sudden change of heart.

"Don't give me that emotional crap. You came here to fight, right? So get your ass in gear. I'll..." She glanced back at me, olives connecting with coals.

The look we exchanged was of finality. She was accepting the future- she was not fighting to inevitable.

"I'll get you an opening. You just," here she glanced at Kuria-Dei, who was hanging horizontally from my Kido sash on my back, "give that zanpakutou of yours a chance. It seems you're finally on the same wavelength, after all this time."

_**She's sharp.**_

_Never underestimate Barry, I guess._

"One shot, Hazumi. You and Kurosaki... need to work together."

And she left me with that, not looking back at my rigid form and wide eyes.

**-X-**

Aizen was always a master when it came to the concept of manipulation.

He was always so daunting and cruel in Barry's eyes. She listened from a distance as Aizen Sosuke taunted the Kurosaki boy, going on and on about how he knew of Ichigo's existence from the very beginning. It was really starting to grate her nerves.

So much that she interrupted with a casual utterance, only a few feet from Aizen's back now.

"You talk too much, Sosuke."

She was standing with her arms crossed as he turned slightly to gaze at her, her knives in sheaths at her hips. Her navy hair was pulled back, and blood splotched her shirt and reached the ragged edges of her white _Haori._

Pea eyes gazed at him passively, "I used to enjoy hearing you ramble on about the profound and unknown, but now it's gotten kind of old, don't you think? Why don't you leave the boy alone for just a few moments, and give me something to do?"

She stepped forward and produced a cigarette from her pocket, holding it between her long fingers, reaching for her lighter. Looking at Aizen like this after so long should have hurt her, should have made her get all emotional and irrational. But Barry didn't feel much.

_Clink._

Smoke sailed through the air, surrounding the explosives genius with its noxious fumes.

It felt like home.

"It's been a long time since we've seen one another. Don't ruin it for me, now."

A deep chuckle escaped Aizen's lips as he gazed at the woman who he used to call _comrade_, not missing a detail of her current state.

"Barry... you are still so casual. What do you intend to do?"

She exhaled slowly, tapping the ashes away from her cigarette. Olive eyes rolled behind Aizen, landing on the Kurosaki boy's form.

A new presence registered in the woman's mind.

With a heavy sigh, she rolled her eyes towards the sky, lids falling shut.

"Seems like I don't get to have my fun," annoyance reached their ears, and Barry exhaled once again in exasperation.

"Well come out, you moron. You ruined it for me."

From yards away, Ichigo was confused as hell. What was she talking about?

And where was Hazumi?

_"Don't you come down here!"_ There had been crimson all over her. The boy was so confused. He just wanted to see her- make sure she was alright.

_Protect her..._

And not let her get too close to Aizen. Hazumi was strong, but she wouldn't stand a chance again the man.

Hell, did he?

"Is that any way to greet a friend, Barry?"

Tawny eyes flew open at the voice, expanding exponentially.

Ichigo froze, staring at the figure before him.

The words barely left his lips,_ "Dad...?"_

**-X-**_  
_

"Did you really have to headbutt your own son, Isshin?"

Barry muttered under her breath as she watched the two Kurosaki Shinigami disappear, keeping their distance. But she knew Kurosaki just wanted to speak with his son. She was left to deal with Aizen for a few minutes.

"Barry."

That's all it would take- just a few minutes.

Brown eyes had glanced back at the woman, his head inclined a fraction towards the artisan.

She met his gaze, "Yes, Sosuke?"

"Do you ever look back on your life, paralyzed?"

"I suppose I do once in a blue moon."

"And what do you see?"

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Barry held her cigarette between her fingers, exhaling with a sigh. "Maa. Too much to deal with."

"So vague."

She shrugged her shoulders as she stepped forward, reaching for a pulsating object on her belt.

A small, black pyramid-shaped cone. "Yeah, well... I never did listen to everything you said. Some called it selective hearing."

He watched her with a calm eye as she moved her lips to speak.

"I regarded you as a friend, back then. You can call me naïve if you please, but... I still feel as if you have a slight understanding in regards to my state of mind," she compressed her lips as she saw him offer a dark smile, "it seems you are mocking me. I'll say no more."

"You hate me, Barry Nguyen."

"Yep."

"I will repeat myself: what will you do?"

The golden question.

_"She'll give me time, Aizen." _

The new voice was accompanied by a crushing explosion, detonating in a blur of heat, followed by a _blinding_ wave of sweltering energy and static electricity. Luminosity engulfed the space where Barry and Aizen just stood, raw power pouring through the atmosphere.

Barry escaped in the nick of time.

_You and your magic._

But if Barry escaped, that meant Aizen had no problem doing so, as well.

_Will it be enough, Nagasaki?_

**-X-**

_Something is at work,_

_Here._

_It is far more greater_

_Than my own understanding._

_My emotions, my feelings,_

_They are starting to _

_Heighten._

_I feel much sorrow,_

_Have much knowledge,_

_And yet I am still_

_Simply ignorant._

_I will not be cold or_

_Ruthless._

_Never.  
_

_

* * *

_

So, there you are.

Again, thanks guys. I never thought I'd have a story up here with almost 40 chapters. It really is something that I'm proud of. And all of you have simply been keeping it going. So thanks.

On that note, I am nearing the... well, I don't know what to call it. Every week the manga is updated, and I'm nearing the point where I'm almost out of chapters to feed off of. So, I'm at a point where I'm a little iffy with where to go. Any thoughts?

Thanks.


	40. Perceive With Eyes

**A/N:** We're really at forty chapters. I never thought I would get this far. Thanks so much, guys. Your reviews have really helped me and encouraged me to continue this. I can't really say anymore, but I'll continue thanking you as much as possible, because I think we all deserve a little recognition here.

_So thank you._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Treinta y nueve:**_

_"Perceive With Eyes"  
_

_

* * *

_You'll fly. You'll soar.

And I'll plummet. I'll fall.

You will rise, and I will crash.

* * *

A lingering static swirled in the atmosphere above Karakura as it shocked and sparked any tangible object it made contact with, charging the air with energized matter. Little _pops_ could be heard here and there from the aftershocks, dying out with high-pitched _fizzes. _Though the air was perfectly clear, one would be a fool to assume it was safe.

Not one figure moved this high in the air, above the buildings and above the fallen shinigami. It was just Aizen, Barry, and I at a standstill. Me- I knew exactly what the results would be if one moved too early. I couldn't assume anyone else was aware, but I knew just from looking at him that Aizen was clever enough to stay rooted to the spot as the shrill _crackling _came to a stop.

We all stayed in our spots as we hovered in the air, watching, waiting.

My eyes were flickering between the two brilliant shinigami, anticipating, creating scenarios that could only have a chance of occurring. Barry was better at that type of thing that I; she always had been the quicker and more logical thinker. And as I took in her blood-crusted appearance, seeing her wearing that aged and ragged _Haori _with that number that used to belong to her and her two small daggers sheathed at her sides...

_I chided myself for almost falling for it._

_Barry_ was behind me, Aizen before me.

The explosives composer's dark, navy hair swaying lightly in the breeze up high, her black tank and dark shorts stained with blood, her pallid skin seemingly more glowing than ever-

_Her eyes seemed brighter._

Peas seemed more alive, and the blood that had just stood out on her skin and clothes, the blood that I had just been so preoccupied with, seemed to pale in comparison to her olive eyes. I noted there was a small hole in her shoulder under her bandages, but the bleeding had stopped.

_That wound..._

Then my eyes flicked back to Aizen, where he stood with a straight face, lightly observing the air around him with those sharp chestnut eyes. His features- smooth, cold stone. His gaze- all clinical. Absolutely all understanding of the human and shinigami mind, yet he did not practice those understandings. No- he didn't fully understand. In some small point, Sosuke Aizen was naïve, just as the rest of us. Even he could never fully understand the point to which-

"Hazumi-san."

That was the the graceful face of deceit- we all had fallen for his tricks. There was not one to blame. Only Sosuke Aizen for his dirty game. And then I watched those deep brown eyes fall upon my straight form, assessing, calculating. There was so much hidden in those eyes- so much hate and twisted logic, so much gut wrenching wretchedness that it had my stomach churning with anxiety and dismay.

He was looking at my lean frame, my thick blonde hair which was tied back loosely and my scraped arms- the blatant hole in my left forearm- and my ragged shirt, my stained Kido obi and my ripped black stretch pants. My appearance screamed exhaustion, and I was battling that exhaustion indeed. The burning desire to end this all was arising within me. We would end this.

Whatever means possible.

I found myself listening to his calm voice, one that used to hold such influence over my decisions.

"What do you call that one, Hazumi-san?"

And I found myself responding, placing my hand on my hip with a small motion.

"_Truenos."_** (1)**

My answer came with ease and simplicity, as if he should have known the spell's name. He inclined his head, eyes following my cautious movements with a small smile curling his lips.

"You wouldn't be much of a _Fuku Kidōchō _if you hadn't experimented a bit on your own, I suppose. But I wonder... how many more Kido techniques you've created?"

He placed one foot forward-

A _booming _rumble resounded throughout the space, originating from the spot where Aizen had just stepped. His foot- impaled to the spot with a thick, yellow bar.

Paralysis.

"Interesting..."

The air seemed clear.

Blatant danger.

He brought his gaze to mine, quirking his lips. His voice was soothing, "You have your opening, Hazumi-san. Strike me."

But I only stood there, unmoving. I let my head fall as I brought my eyes to the ground, clenching my hands by my sides. He was playing with me. He was just toying with me, like I was some amusing pawn of his. And I'd go along with his game, for the sake of those surrounding me. I hadn't had enough time to think this through.

I hadn't had enough time to create some mind-blowing plan like Barry would've.

_Barry..._

So I moved impulsively.

_"Baka..."_

And I pivoted in a blur, hurling my sword at Barry's stiff form.

**-X-**

Isshin Kurosaki had appeared at my side just as my grip on Kuria-Dei slipped, and we both watched as the sharp tip of her blade sunk into Barry's chest-

The world shattered around us.

Gales of forceful wind bombarded the town, and I felt a hand fly to my arm, firmly grasping the limb with steel. My eyes flew shut, and I reached to cover my ears as the _shrill_ sound of my Kido spell triggered an overload.

It seemed so strong and so sudden-!

And then it was over.

"Daijoubu desu ka, Nagasaki?" The deep voice was muffled because of my hands, so I lifted them slowly. My eyes fluttered open to find Isshin Kurosaki staring at me, his scruffy face serious.

I blinked, "Kurosaki-san...?"

My gaze rotated slowly- Karakura was normal.

"How did you know...?"

My mind had to keep up.

_I threw my sword at Barry._

At this realization my eyes widened, and one foot stumbled forward, and then another, and before I knew it I was rushing over to where Kuria-Dei had landed, running with puffed breaths. Picking her up with gentle hands as soon as I reached her. I stared down at her for a few moments. My lips didn't move as I started to calm down, noting she was alright, "Sorry, Kuria-Dei. I used you like a brute, huh."

I didn't need a response from her as I stood, using her blade for support. I was starting to feel tired.

Feeling Isshin behind me, I had to force myself to get into some standing position. I settled for hunching, leaning on Kuria-Dei.

Well there was a shocker.

I had no idea Ichigo's father was a Shinigami. Not one inkling of suspicion or doubt lead to me to believe he was a Shinigami of Captain class.

"Last time you saw me... I was quite befuddled, Kurosaki-san."

It was a dry statement. I didn't mean it to be, but I was struggling with keeping up. Everything was moving so fast, and I felt as if I were going so slow.

Contrived huffs escaped my lips.

Turning to face him, "But now... I'm pretty sure I know what's up."

Kurosaki gazed at me, silent. I couldn't know what he was thinking. I was unaware that he thought this as true. That I looked different, that the energy around me and my reiatsu was different. I was a different person than when he saw me last.

His face melted a bit, "Aa. But that still doesn't tell me how you knew."

_How I knew that... that wasn't really Barry. _

My eyes strayed down, gazing at Kuria-Dei's thin and slight steel. I was more or less speaking to myself, and I wasn't too sure if he could understand what I was saying, exactly. It was a little jumbled.

"I released her about thirty minutes ago, when I was back in the _Garuganta._ I got held up, and after I finished up in there I decided to not waste any time here. So Kuria-Dei has been released this whole time."

Then, that voice had my blood cold.

"I am impressed, Hazumi-san. You have met... my expectations. Perhaps you have surpassed them." Aizen's words rumbled from above, like a haughty God speaking to his underlings. My brows met as I inhaled another gulp of oxygen, tiring.

Everything was finally catching up to me.

_Dei... give us time. _

_Me and you... we're not done yet. _

She was hesitant in answering, I felt it. Yet she didn't use words, but actions. I knew because in that instant, hot pain flashed up my arm, telling me right away that she lifted the anesthetics that she normally used. I brought it to my stomach, biting my bottom lip and hunching over, grasping my hand with an iron hold.

_"Uchg-!"_

Aizen watched from above, knowing full and well what had took place. Isshin was standing at my side, slightly stepped in front of me. Barry had informed him of my little cheats, about Kuria-Dei's nifty little abilities. He, too, knew what was happening.

"Nagasaki, find Barry. Somehow, you saw through Aizen's _Kyōka Suigetsu_, but you are in no shape to fight. You'll be nothing but a-"

"No!" There was that desperation again. I knew Isshin saw it in my eyes as he looked at me, frowning. My voice was choked, but I was getting towards that point of not caring.

_"I did not get my ass handed to me several times in Hueco Mundo to be tossed aside like some nuisance. How many times have I been at Death's door? All those injuries, life threatening or not, won't be for nothing. This will not stop me,"_ my eyes lifted from the ground to meet his, unwavering and uneasy, "I can be useful. I _will_ be useful! Use me! Please!"

_**You are near exhaustion, there's no denying that.**_

"I can't... just stand by and do nothing! Ichigo... I know he's your son, but you're not the only one who wants to protect him!"

Kurosaki just stood there, waiting. He wasn't reacting like most would. He was like his son- he was smart enough to let me finish.

"If you don't use me to your advantage... _Then I'll just have to do something reckless and stupid!" _

Or so I had thought.

He was standing right before me in just a second, his hand coming down on my neck-

_Thwack!_

A strong hand caught his just inches from my pressure point.

"I don't know who you think you are, even attempting to hit her like that." A cool voice just beside me. A familiar presence filled my senses in a heartbeat. "But... I won't stand by and let someone just knock _Nee-chan_ around like that."

_Nee-chan..._

My breathless utterance caused deep emeralds to flicker briefly in my direction.

_"Hosyu...nii...chan..."_

**-X-**_  
_

"Maa, Hazumi-chan has a strong tongue, ne? An' then her Onii-san comes and shows up here. Strange family..."

Gin Ichimaru stood yards away from Ichigo, that sly grin curving his lips as he spoke. His _Bankai_- released. He had already said what needed to be said to the boy, and now he was just antagonizing him even more. The two had stopped mid-fight for no apparent reason, Ichimaru just for kicks, and Ichigo standing in front of him, guarded and ready.

He would not be taken by surprise by Ichimaru's actions-

"Ya said somethin' like, 'I learn what kinda determination they're swingin' with their sword, or if they're respectin' me,' righ'? Well, tell me somethin', Ichigo Kurosaki. Have you ever... swung yer sword at Hazumi-chan~?"

But by his words.

Upon hearing this, Ichigo's eyes widened, and his face lifted just a bit. "What... the hell are you talking about?"

If possible, Ichimaru's grin widened, and he held up his hand in a nonchalant gesture, shrugging.

"It's jus' that... have ya ever wondered... what Hazumi-chan's up to all this time? Why she's holdin' such a grudge against' Cap'n Aizen. Hell, by that look on yer face, it looks like ya don't know!"

"He manipulated her brother! He turned him against her, Aizen murdered him!"

_"How sad..."_

Cold shock flooded the boy's veins, and he had a sudden sense of dread.

"What... do you mean?"

_How sad?_

Ichimaru twirled his zanpakutou, enjoying this. Enjoying the doubt that he was instilling. "Hazumi-chan hasn't told you what connection she had with Aizen, has she? She didn't tell you... what she has been coverin' up for the past few centuries or so."

**-X-**

"Hosyu-nii... what...?"

Hosyu was wrapping a helpful arm around me, lifting me into some sort of standing position.

_"Go on, Kurosaki. I'll take care of Hazumi-nee-chan." _

_"Onee-chan, huh. Alright. You really going to let her fight like that?" _

_"She'll do whatever she pleases."_

He had just come... out of nowhere.

Wasn't he...

"Why are you here? _How_ are you here?"

"Oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking." His sarcasm was not appreciated at a time like this. Hosyu was leading me along the pavement, splintered here and cracked there. His strong hand was holding my back, his sturdy grip on my slight frame.

"Just answer me, you dope."

He sighed, "Barry works wonders."

"You don't have any burns!"

"Amazing."

"You're not even fazed!"

"There are more pressing matters rather than my appearance, Hazumi." His voice was serious.

It had me sobering in a heartbeat.

"So why are you here?"

"I thought you'd need the help," he saw my mouth open to argue, "don't. I don't want to hear any of your bull. I'm not going anywhere near Aizen. I know my place. _Unlike some people..._"

I barely caught that little tag to his last sentence, and I rolled my eyes.

"Where are we going?"

"You don't want Barry to die, right?"

_Barry..._

"What!"

"Oh, so you can walk now?" I had straightened unconsciously, and only seconds later did I feel the _pangs _of weariness and pain.

_**Don't be too rash, Hazumi.**_

I leveled a look at Hosyu, in all seriousness. "Take me to her."

**-X-**

She was bad. She was beyond bad.

"H-how...?"

Blood soaked the ground beneath her limp body. It was a pool under her. Her navy hair was matted with maroon, and her clothes were stained. Sopping wet. I fell to my knees at her side, splashing the warm liquid.

Speechless.

When... when had this happened?

"You better get to it, or she won't make it."

I shot Hosyu an incredulous look, "How can you be so calm about this!"

"Oh trust me, I'm not," his voice turned rough with emotion. And then I really caught the look that painted Hosyu's expression. It was pained- like he was physically _forcing_ himself to not beat the shit out of whoever did this to Barry.

_My Barry._

Then Hosyu turned his back, no longer able to gaze at the lifeless explosive's genius. "Just hurry up with it."

But I had already erected a small barrier, and I didn't even pace myself with the _Reiryoku_ that had started to flood from my hands. It was a light indigo again, something that had just recently changed.

_No longer so dark. _

_**The clarity.**_

"Aizen did this." My voice was numbed.

"Yeah."

"But... I had my eyes on him the whole time. I didn't even see..."

"While you were down with that dying Arrancar. What were you thinking, anyway, bringing one of those here?"

My eyes were still on the sticky blood. It was like a stream, pouring from the assortment of gouges on her pale skin.

It was almost translucent, now.

"Long story. I can't believe I didn't notice..."

"No one did. It's one of Aizen's dirty tricks. I had to see it to know about it. It's something you can't feel. Hell, Mon hasn't even-"

But the sudden flare in reiatsu strongly contradicted to what my brother had yet to finish saying.

A shaking voice just behind us.

_"Barry...?"_

I stiffened as my head slowly rotated-

_"Barry...!"_

Hosyu muttered a curse, stepping towards the frantic girl.

Her reiatsu spiked again.

Panic.

_"Barry!"_

The pressure... was becoming too much for me to handle.

_"I'll kill you, Aizen!"_

Her malicious and spiteful snarl had my blood running cold.

I only had seconds to reach out to the girl-

_"No, Mon!"_

But she took off, straight for the air.

Right for Aizen, wakizashi poised for his heart-

_I could only watch as blood splattered the side of a nearby building. It was like a grotesque painting, like when one simply flings the brush at the blank canvas. A macabre masterpiece. _

_Hosyu was catching a solid object now, which had been spiraling for the ground. The red was all over him and the small potato-sack like form. He was shouting, voice high with distress. I sensed much distress emitting from his persona, but all I could look at was the masterpiece on the canvas._

_ It was so arbitrary. _

_If Mon hadn't gone for Aizen- _

"MON!"

It was Mon. She was the falling object.

That was her blood painting the building up high.

Hosyu was hovering over her mangled body, hands glowing with his light _Reiryoku. _My hands were still on Barry's barrier, still giving her life.

But Hosyu-

"Hazumi! I need your help!"

_But Barry... _

"Hazumi! I CAN'T DO THIS!"

_Barry... _

"HAZUMI!"

My head fell- a shadow over my eyes now. And ever so slowly, I turned my head away from Hosyu's hysteric build. Away from the blood, and away from the lifeless waste that I had once called Egao Monaco.

_Barry... will not die._

I had chosen.

Picking one life over another.

If there was a God, then why the hell had he forced me to make such a macabre choice?

**-X-**

"Aah! Look at all the action goin' on over there." Ichimaru's gaze was on the scene before him- a simple, heartbreaking scene.

"Oh...? Monaco's a goner. She was such a cute 'lil thing back in tha day, too."

"You... bastard..."

His gaze returned to Ichigo, who was standing with a torn expression, his grip on his zanpakutou as tight as it could get.

"What the hell... is this to you? Is it some sort of game! They're not pawns, they're people! They're real, living, breathing people!"

"Oh?"

"Don't give me that 'Oh?' crap!"

Intensity flew at the former _Sanbantai_ Taicho in waves.

Tawny eyes were burning.

Ichimaru just smiled, "Maa, I dunno if I should tell ya 'bout Hazumi-chan~ now."

"Go to hell."

Barry's words crashed into the boy.

_She's over five hundred years old, Kurosaki. She's got a bit of dirt on her. She's not squeaky clean, but she's got a good heart. _

_Don't... misjudge her on first notice of things turning sour. _

"Ahh, but it looks like yer too curious, now."

Ichigo's gaze flew over to where Hazumi was. She was sitting on her shins, hunched over Barry's unmoving body. Her back was to him, but he caught sight of her shoulders quaking upon a closer look. "If she hasn't told me, then she's not ready."

And the small girl whom he had met in the warehouse...

Her reiatsu had vanished. Hazumi's brother was by her side, running a hand over her face. Closing her glassy eyes. For a numb moment, Ichigo wondered what kind of expression she died with.

What her vacant eyes expressed as they stared at the face of eternity.

**-X-**

Barry wasn't breathing, Mon wasn't breathing, and Aizen's _damn_ voice was as haughty and nonchalant as ever, explaining every _goddamn _thing about his plans. About his genius. How we all sucked, and he was awesome and that was all there was to it.

I caught on to the conversation about halfway, when things really mattered.

His voice echoed in my ears as I hunched over Barry's still build, hands over my tear-stained face.

"I realized the Hōgyoku's true power."

And oh, did that bring back memories.

"No, to say I realized its true power would be inaccurate. To put it more precisely, I knew it's power was not, as Urahara Kisuke and another Shinigami put it, 'To manipulate the boundary between Shinigami and Hollow.'

"I knew this because if that truly was its power, then Hirako Shinji and the others should not have become 'complete Vizards.'"

_Another Shinigami..._

"Their Hollowification was an experiment with Hollowification itself. And at the same time a way to ascertain the abilities of the Hōgyoku. And that experiment was a success. The activation of the Hōgyoku's abilities by Urahara Kisuke's hands caused Hirako Shinji and the others to evolve into complete Vizards."

He just kept talking and talking. Drawling on about his and the Hōgyoku's power like it was simple. Like it was easy to comprehend such nonsense. But I knew it was not nonsense.

Isshin's angered exclamation, "You son of a bitch..."

And then a crash to our right.

_That reiatsu... _

_"_DAARRH!"

I _almost _sweat-dropped at the unintelligible garble. If it weren't for the situation, I would have. I heard Gin Ichimaru's voice, but I didn't get up. I didn't get up as Ichigo's reiatsu neared us, and as he shouted something at his dad.

"Hazumi-san..."

I visibly paled as that smooth voice addressed me so casually.

Aizen... everyone was right there, just yards from me now. I reluctantly raised my gaze to meet his, noting he wasn't the only one with eyes on me. My eyes filled to the brim with-

"You have been uncharacteristically quiet throughout this enlightening exchange. Would you care... to give a few words?"

_No..._

My expression fell. I was soaked with blood that, for the most part, wasn't my own, and my face was far beyond desperate.

_"No..." _

Horrified._  
_

He raised a delicate brow, "Oh?"

"Oi! Where do you get off, talking to her so offhandedly!"

It was Ichigo, of course.

_No, Ichigo. _

_Don't encourage him..._

My world was falling apart.

The former _Gobantai_ Taicho's lips curled slowly, holding my gaze. He was enjoying this. He knew what turmoil I was facing on the inside. He was aware of exactly what the hell was going on.

And he was enjoying every _goddamn _second of it.

"Ichigo Kurosaki..."

His eyes were staring straight through me.

"You say, 'where do I get off, speaking to her so casually?'"

He glanced over at the boy, a sadistic curve to his lips accentuating his malevolent intentions.

"Why... Hazumi-san here... plays a key role in this whole production."

"Na...ni...?"

"Urahara Kisuke... I admit, is quite the genius. His intellect far surpasses anyone I've yet to come across. However he was not the only-"

Aizen was shot with a brilliant _snap_ of energy, piercing his chest. A clean shot, through and through.

Shocked silence.

My world was cold.

But Aizen's voice still was in my head, "So you came... Kisuke Urahara...!"

**-X-**

_Through thick and thin_

_Is the saying._

_I'm not so sure,_

_Anymore._

_After this, I'm wondering..._

_If they are going to_

_Leave me_

_To bleed._

* * *

**(1)** Thunder.


	41. The Beginning Turmoil: Real Reasoning

**A/N:** Goodness. Gracious. Two hundred and twenty reviews. Thank you so, so, so, so much! I love you all, you're so awesome! This story would be in the pits if it weren't for you lot! And sorry for the wait! GAH!

And so, this is new. Because in this chapter... Ichigo's POV! Ahh! Scary! I'll tell you, it was pretty hard to write. I have no idea how it turned out, so I'd really like your support with this one. Constructive criticism or just your thoughts would be really, really helpful! I try to not make the same mistakes twice when it comes to writing, but I'm human!

_Thank you, beloved reviewers~!_

**LogicOfFire, Eklipt, Animelover1993, mutethoughts, WhisperInTheRain, Neko-chan1234, Godzilla2, Nicky Eira, Shadow of a Broken Angel, shadowgouf, Azulish, WeesnawMcGee, Mysticbreez, Ryu Eiyuu, Rhubarb Tea.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Cuarenta:**_

_"The Beginning Turmoil: Real Reasoning"  
_

_

* * *

_

I'll always look back

And hate myself

A little more

Each day.

_But I've come to terms with that._

* * *

_"Naga…saki…"_

A small tug on my blood-soaked wrist had my attention snapping away from the nerve-wracking scene before me. A small, slippery hand was attempting to keep its slight grasp tight as the voice consumed my whole being.

My undivided attention flew to Barry's crippled form in a heartbeat.

Forgetting everyone behind me, I turned back to her, hovering restlessly over her useless body. "Barry! Oh, _Yokatta!_"

Her eyes were barely opening, dull and shimmering, a hazy film coating her pea orbs. She was worn, ragged, and dying. Her presence was barely there. My hands automatically moved to start to heal her again, and she did not intercede.

Just stared up at the sky with dead eyes.

"She's gone, huh."

_Mon._ My throat tightened as I bent my head forward, hiding my expression. Hiding my face from Barry. She would find something in my eyes, I just knew it. She was too keen for her own good. There had only been one time when I outsmarted her- when I had been right, and she had been wrong.

_I wish that time had never occurred. I'd take in back in a heartbeat._

It was all coming back to bite us in the ass, now. "Yeah, she's gone."

I felt as if it were too hot to breathe- that my throat was closing up to the point of asphyxiation. My hands were hovering over Barry's chest, shaking. A small tremble that I knew would soon escalate to a worrisome quake if I did not stop. But I couldn't stop. I had healed enough people countless times to know my limit, and I had breached that limit only a few times. I knew it wasn't healthy and it had long term effects, but I would not stop until I knew that Barry was out of Death's slimy claws. Call me stupid, but I acted upon instinct rather than logic.

_Yeah, and look where it got me. _

"She didn't… want to come… to fight. It was… because of me…"

I still couldn't bring myself to face her eyes as she laid there, blaming herself.

_She would curse me a thousand times over if she knew I had chosen her life over Mon's._

And then I heard it.

Such a sound that would disturb me for years to come. The first, choked sob that had bubbled in the cold explosives genius's throat, escaping her lips. And then another. And another. Small, crystalline tears racing down her pale cheeks, gaunt and hollow, my heart squeezing quite painfully. Her eyes- dull and agonized. My heart thudding and wrenching in my chest, a sick twisted guilt forming in my gut as her strained words floated like a breeze to my ears.

"She… didn't want to be here. She hated… Soul Society. She wanted nothing to do with it-!"

"You've got to stop, Barry," came my quiet murmur, my hands now on her clammy skin.

Clammy and pale and faint and slick with red. The blood just kept coming and coming. Her sobs were not helping her situation at all. The movement in her chest was causing more blood to leak from the holes, the gouges and lacerations and gashes, in her body. Red seeped through the cracks in my fingers as I pressurized the nastiest wound on her stomach.

She was still sobbing.

"Barry!"

It was so red- the ground around us, my clothes and skin.

It wasn't stopping!

_"Barry!"_

"She is dead, Hazumi-san."

Oh God, no!

_"No, no, no! Barry… Barry you're not dead!"_

That was impossible. Her chest was still moving, the blood was still flowing!

_"Stay with me, dammit!" _

I could still save her. My hands were too slippery, bathed in crimson. But I could still grasp her life, I could save-!

"Let her go, Hazumi-san."

_"BARRY!" _

My shrill scream silenced Karakura, echoing, bouncing off the crumbled buildings and striking Shinigami quiet.

_Cold… _

"She is gone." A distant, impersonal hand fell to my shoulder, its grip unmerciful. And then I realized who was speaking to me, whose smooth and detached voice that really was. Who was standing right behind me, whose hand was gripping me.

_"Aizen…"_ My voice shook as my frame was slammed with a violent jolt.

Dumbfounded.

I vaguely sensed a shift in the air- Urahara's presence.

And a reckless wave of emotion thrashed me.

_"Hazumi!"_

"No, Ichigo!"

And upon hearing this, my head slowly rotated past Aizen's body, to where Ichigo was struggling against his father.

"No-!"

"It's no use!" Isshin… was holding him back. I could only lock bronze.

My gaze was horrified- stricken cold. I didn't know what he saw on my face, in my expression. Just the blood spattering pallid skin. Only my lifeless, drained whisper. Complete recognition. It had only clicked in my mind then, so suddenly with the force of metal bat slamming into my skull.

"I couldn't save her."

He was stricken by my voice.

Haunted.

I broke contact, my eyes numbly rolled back to Barry, and I finally withdrew my trembling hands. Her chest was no longer moving.

My heavy breath. "I couldn't… save her."

"Your best was just not enough."

_I couldn't save her, Dei. I couldn't… save her._

My vision suddenly blurred. My limbs numbed- the hand on my shoulder was tightening its grip. Fingers were digging into my skin. And the adrenaline chose the perfect time to just drain from my system- the world was crashing down upon me. I was too numb to react- to decide if I wanted unconsciousness or not. I didn't have time to consent or resist.

Eyes fluttering shut, I went limp, collapsing into awaiting, unfriendly arms.

Relapse.

* * *

**( I C H I G O )**

_No. God, no. This was not happening._

Those were my thoughts as they swirled relentlessly in my mind, prodding me with the cold facts.

How could it come to this?

_"Barry!"_ Her eyes had been beyond comprehension. She was so pale… _like a ghost._

"Ah. Hazumi-san seems to be in quite the shock." She had fallen… fainted… collapsed in _his_ arms. It made me _sick_. Red invaded my vision as I stood shaking beside Dad- his arm was still gripping mine.

"What do you plan to do with her, Aizen?"

It came from Urahara, who had stepped forward to stand somewhere between all of us. Hat 'n Clogs had tipped his hat, shadowing his face so his expression could not be seen. It didn't strike me at the time; I was too focused on Hazumi's situation.

A deep chuckle had my eyes back on the root cause and evil of this, catching sight of Aizen lowering _my Fuku Kidōchō _to the ground, not budging as her head hit the ground with a hard _thump_ that had my teeth gritting and eyes narrowing dangerously. "Kisuke Urahara… you ask such trivial questions," his gaze slithered to where I stood, a triumphant smirk curling the edges of his mouth, "Or I wonder… if it's for his benefit."

I didn't see Urahara stiffen, only listened with barely contained rage as that prick continued talking.

"I have already rid the world of one Initiator of the Hōgyoku. Should I… finish this one as well?"

_Initiator?_

"You do not know what you speak of, Mr. Aizen."

Brown eyes cut back to Urahara, tightening just a bit. A small scoff before his amused voice rang out, "Are you denying the fact that… Hazumi here… worked with you to create the Hōgyoku that I have in my possession at this very moment?"

_"Nani!"_ And what confused me even more was that Urahara said nothing after Aizen's ridiculous statement.

_Silent Compliance…_

"What the hell!"

"Ichigo, calm down!"

"No! This guy…! He's trying to manipulate us all, and it's not going to work! There's no way in hell Hazumi would ever do something like that!"

_**It's true.**_

_What… the hell?_

That voice…

_**I will show you.**_

I didn't have a chance to resist. Because at that moment, I felt as if I were being ripped raw from my body. The tugging was coming from where that bastard Aizen stood, but- everything had frozen. Almost like… that time in Las Noches.

_It's not… him._

_ It's her sword… _

_**Correct. Now let go.**_

And for some inexplicable reason unknown to me, I did exactly as she told me. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I had only obeyed because it had to do with Hazumi, and I wanted answers. If Hazumi was in sight, I'd follow without reason. That itself was more than enough. I was tired of watching her back without knowing what she was up to- what she knew. I wanted to know what she knew- I wanted to live it. I wanted to finally be on equal ground with her- she would no longer be unreachable to me.

_I'll reach her, and like hell will I ever let go. _

So I followed the pull of her zanpakutou, and I let it take me under.

**-X-**

Filtered yet still seemingly blinding sunlight peaked through puffed clouds, causing me to squint, suddenly scowling. I only had to take one look around to recognize my surroundings- which really, I had been just standing there, staring at them for the past five minutes, grumbling incohnerent curses under my breath about defective zanpakutous and whatnot.

Tiled pavement, buildings lining each street with yellow roofs, over all theme feudal Japan…

How the hell had I ended up in Soul Society? With a dawning, sour understanding, I finally realized the reasoning behind Hazumi's constant irritability; her zanpakutou was a sketchy, half-assed-

_"Hurry up, Barry-chan! You're so slow!"_

A sudden gust of wind blew right by me, small _clatters_ against the ground telling me footsteps just passed my standing form. It took me a minute, and then I just called myself stupid for taking so long, whirling as recognition alighted my dark features, catching sight of a lean Shinigami girl standing with her hands planted on her hips and a teasing expression brightening her tanned face.

Her hair was fair and pulled back in a delicate twist, black as night eyes twinkling at something over my shoulder.

Brows furrowing, it clicked.

_"Barry-chan~!"_

It was… Hazumi. She looked a lot younger… happier, I thought. Her uniform was different, too. She had these black stocking-like socks pulled up mid-thigh high and it seemed her Shihakushō was modified to have shorts instead of pants. It didn't seem like her at all, once it really set it. Hazumi didn't care for her appearance at all-

_"Shut up, you snot-nosed kid."_ That dull voice came from beside me, one I recognized after a few seconds. Barry stood with her arms crossed, a scowl painting her pale face. She had a sleeveless _Haori _with the number _Ten_, and she had that strange, grey tattoo still there on her arm. Her dark blue hair was shorter, too.

_"Oi, we're around the same age, Barry-chan!"_

I watched the younger version of Barry shake her head at Hazumi- the foreign Hazumi, as I decisively deemed her. This girl that I was watching was childish, seemingly happy, and didn't have that air of vexation floating above her head like an ominous thundercloud. She was also missing that sense of contemptious brooding that the Hazumi that I knew always kept up.

And then the faux Hazumi just a few feet away smiled- cheeks wide with these small dimples appearing and eyes squinted, _"Oh Barry-chan, you're so full of it."_

I just watched, suddenly slammed with something akin to shock. Was this really… Hazumi? This girl… resembled nothing of the girl I knew.

She was…

_**Too happy, yeah?**_

"GAH!"

_**…**_

_**Jumpy, Kurosaki? **_

"Don't you know not to sneak up on others like that!"

Kuria-Dei had just appeared out of nowhere, _popping_ by my side without an inkling of warning. She side-glanced at me, giving me a long stare which I returned with a dark scowl. Finally she said something, turning back to the scene in front of us.

_**Seems you're embarrassed. If that's the case, I'll just ignore the fact that you used the words 'sketchy' and 'halfassed' in a description regarding my talents.**_

"Nani! You heard that?"

_**Are you really concerned about such a trivial matter such as that, or am I going to explain where you are…?**_

That had my eyes trailing back over to where the two Shinigami stood, Barry with a scowl and Hazumi with a cheeky grin. It was really something- seeing these two interact like this.

_**Welcome to Soul Society: around two hundred years ago, give or take a decade or so.**_

"Nani!"

_"Aa, Barry-chan! We're going to be late!" _

_"I swear, you're as resilient as ever. Just calm down, I'm sure Kisuke won't care if you're late."_

_ "Urahara-san will care, he just won't show it! I'm so unpunctual!" _

The younger version of Barry seemed irritable and as anticsocial as ever, following Hazumi's now running form while muttering under her breath.

_**Shout all you want, by the way. No one can see you. **_

_**You're virtually a ghost here in the past.**_

I was watching the two girl's backs- Hazumi's back.

She was practically glowing…

_**Kurosaki.**_

Kuria-Dei stood beside me with a placid face, big, blue eyes soft as she watched the two walk away from us. She had folded her hands in front of her, quietly observing the past with an air of nostalgia. _**You're here because you want to know the truth in regards to Hazumi's position in this whole mess. I will take you to where it started.**_

"Isn't this it…?"

_**No.**_

I gritted my teeth, bringing up a fist. "Then why are we here…!"

The zanpakutou spirit turned her back on me and started walking, adding fuel to to the fire of annoyance that had started to burn my mind. What was she doing-

_**I haven't seen Hazumi smile like that… in centuries.**_

_** I forgot what it felt like- to see her… smile. **_

I just blinked, suddenly struck dumb. I looked back to where Hazumi and Barry were, seeing they had stopped again. Hazumi was dancing around Barry, cheerful and glowing and just beaming.

_"YOU BRAT!" _

_"Com'mon, Barry-chan! I knew you weren't that slow!"_

Hazumi's face there… was almost like that smile she gave me. I had a flash of her black, twinkling eyes and dimpled cheeks staring up at me, a rosy blush spotting her cheeks.

_I suppose I loved you all along._

Her smile there- it was different from the one here. I didn't know how to explain it- something about her smile back in Hueco Mundo with me… seemed ten times as bright.

**-X-**

_**As you know, about one hundred and ten years ago, the Vizards became what they were thanks to Aizen's little plot. You've been informed thus far, yes?**_

Kuria-Dei had lead us to some district outside of Seireitei- The Rukon districts, I think she said. I don't know, I wasn't really listening to her. I was watching Hazumi chat with Barry in front of us, shouting out with those smiles of hers. I didn't notice how my expression metled as I watched her run up to a vendor's cart, beaming.

_She… really was happy, back then._

Kuria-Dei was watching me with a quiet eye, scrutinizing me. I didn't notice, and when she tore her gaze away she started to speak. _**I never took you for this type, Kurosaki. Frankly, it's quite odd to see you watching her with such gentle eyes.**_

"Well when you say it like that…"

Kuria-Dei chuckled, and started to walk again, leaving me to stand there for a few seconds. Her tone was light and airy, raising a nonchalant hand with a gentle sigh, _**Not like I'm complaining- Hazumi needs someone like you. It's just, when I look back on it to our first meeting, I would have never guessed that this is what it would come to. **_

"O-Oi! What do you mean by that! HEY, I'm talking to you! Don't just walk away!"

_**But still… you are quite the idiot boy.**_

"HEY-!"

_"Look Barry-chan! Urahara-san is at the watermelon vendor! Ahh, Sugoi~! I haven't had watermelon in forever!"_

_ "Just don't trip over your own two feet, __**Boke.**__"_

This was just too weird, hearing them talk like it was in the present. But really… this was… two hundred years ago.

_Boke…_

Hazumi always called me that now.

_"Hey don't call me that! I am smart!" _

_"Sure, sure. Stupid kid." _

_"I'M THE SAME AGE AS YOU~!"_

_ "Not quite." _

_**Barry and Hazumi… they had an odd relationship. **_

Raising my arms over my head, I settled to keep them there, sighing. "Tch, I can see that."

And yet… this scene was familiar. The way Hazumi spoke then- it seemed almost as if she were talking to me. She argued with me just like then, with irrationality on her side. She never did pick the logical fights…

_**This is where it begins, Kurosaki. I suggest you pay attention.**_

Raising my gaze, I blinked, "Huh?"

But Hazumi's zanpakutou turned her gaze yet again, causing another surge of annoyance to flash through me.

_It's no wonder Hazumi walks around like she wants to committ mass murder… _

_"Urahara-san! It's good to see you again!" _

_"Aa, Hazumi-san, Barry."_

_ "Yeah."_

"Hat 'n Clogs…?" My tone inflicted curiosity, but Kuria-Dei said nothing. I didn't understand what I was supposed to listen for. We followed the three Shinigami as they spoke, me with my arms crossed, frowning, and Kuria-Dei with a simple air of patience. The three just wandered around the district- Hazumi doing most of the speaking, to my vague surprise.

This was pointless.

Kuria-Dei said this would explain, but so far I had only heard Hazumi rattle on about the inane topics that I had been subjected to even in the present.

Until something caught me-

_"Urahara-san, Barry-chan… as much as I am enjoying myself, I know this is not the reason you two called me out here today."_ Hazumi had stopped- they were at the edge of the district's boundary, where grass met dirt.

_"You two… are suspicious. Please, I would like to know why you have brought me here."_

I heard Hazumi's zanpakutou sigh from beside me, but I only stepped closer to the Shinigami, watching Urahara-san and Barry. It seemed Hat 'n Clogs was sort of uncomfortable, while Barry looked as lax as ever.

But despite his appearance, it was Urahara-san who spoke first.

_"Hazumi-san… I will cut right to the chase, then." _

_"Tch, yeah. 'Cut right to the chase,' my ass. We just spent a good twenty minutes speaking of anything but that."_

_"It's okay, Barry-chan…" _

_"Right, well… Barry and I are starting a new project."_

_ "Project…?" _

_"Yes. And we would like to ask for your help."_

_ "My… help? Why? I'm no good with science and research, you two know this." _

Apprehension filled my gaze, and a nervous feeling started to bloom in my gut.

"Kuria-Dei… what is this?"

_**The beginnings of the Hōgyoku, Kurosaki.**_

**-X-**_**  
**_

I had watched it all pan out.

A slow burn had started to fester in me, too. Kuria-Dei was right- this was where it started. Urahara-san had explained to Hazumi. He had explained things even I did not know- and then some things I didn't even catch because he had started to speak lowly, and by the time I closed the gap between us he was done.

I could only see Hazumi's wide, black eyes and hands covering her mouth in surprise.

_"Y-You want to… H-Hollowification? B-But…" _

She didn't understand- the concept was foreign and ugly to her.

"I don't understand." I was watching Hazumi shake her head over and over, saying she couldn't do something like that- that she wasn't able to. That she wasn't skilled enough to toy around with such taboo, and she probably would fail their expectations and her own.

_All of this modesty… and self-doubt… _

_She's so different now._

"She refused Urahara-san, right? So what changed. Why… was she even involved?"

Kuria-Dei was sitting at the base of a tree a few yards away with her arms crossed and eyes shut, waiting. Her face was solemn as she opened her eyes and looked at me. _**Because in the end… she realized she could not let Urahara Kisuke continue with the Hōgyoku without her intervention.**_

My hands fisted, "Intervention…"

She nodded.

_**As you are aware, Hazumi's power revolves around the concept of Neutrality and Stabilization. It's our sole power. I am a Kido based zanpakutou, so it's easy to transfer our energy in a physical form.**_

"That still doesn't answer my question."

It still didn't make sense to me. Hazumi wasn't the type to be pressured into something- this was two hundred years ago, and she was happy, but even so… she didn't seem ignorant. My eyes tightened as I watched her sit there by herself, Barry and Urahara-san long since taken off to let her mind wander. Unlike just hours ago, now she was shell-shocked.

The happiness had slowly drained from her heart.

I saw it all. And it pissed me off.

"Why did they even mention it!"

_**Kurosaki… **_

"Look at her! What kind of friend was Barry, telling her something like this! Hazumi… she didn't need to be involved!"

_**Aizen would have swayed her sooner or later, Urahara and Barry just got to her first. **_

_**If anything, you should be grateful. **_

"Like hell am I grateful! Why the hell did they pick her!"

_**Because without her input into the Hōgyoku, it would be dangerously unstable. It's like having too much bad, and no good whatsoever cramped into a tiny space. It needed to be stabilized to even have a chance of functioning. **_

_**If she hadn't raised her head and offered her help, it was just be an orb of destruction. **_

Kuria-Dei wasn't getting through to me. It still didn't click.

Hazumi… she didn't really have this much influence, did she?

"Hell, this doesn't make sense to me. I don't see any good out of her decision. The thing's still… I haven't seen it do any good ever since I came to know about it!"

_**The Hōgyoku stabilized Shinji Hirako's soul, as well as the other Vizard's, thanks to Hazumi's input. Either way, Urahara would have continued with his research concerning Hollowification, Hazumi knew this. **_

_**She feared that if she didn't add her share, that Urahara would continue with the Hōgyoku and its destructive properties. She saw no out, Kurosaki.**_

She spat her last words.

_**Try to understand that she's not the bad guy. She simply scrambled for a solution, and when she found none, she surrendered to the inevitable and ended up saving lives. **_

It took awhile for the fact to set in. It took me minutes to find Barry's words yet again.

_She's over five hundred years old, Kurosaki. She's got a bit of dirt on her. _

_She's not squeaky clean, but she's got a good heart._

It made me angry, but not at Hazumi. It seemed like she had so much _goddamn_ tragedy in her life, so much loss and forced actions, that she was forced to change herself.

_Her personality then and now… are two extremities that don't reach. She was happy, even __after she murdered those kids. She tried to be, and it was working. But then… it was taken from her. Barry was taken from her and exiled, and then her brother, Reizo. _

_She's only like this now… because…_

_**It's almost instinctive, right? To shield yourself after so much grief. To just fall into that pit of scorn and contempt, and to sneer at people to not let them close. **_

_She's only protecting herself now. _

_She's… been forced to adapt so much._

_**I don't expect you to come to some complete understanding of her mind, Kurosaki. I wanted to show you the beginning… so you could understand Hazumi's actions. **_

"So that's just it."

Kuria-Dei was watching me, watching how my gaze was on the ground. She couldn't see my eyes as I balled my hands into fists, gritting my teeth.

"That's just it? What do you expect me to do with this! All along… I knew Hazumi was old, and I knew that she had so many experiences in life that I haven't, but…! What am I supposed to do?"

_**It seems your resolve has wavered.**_

_** It's true… you can never truly know a person, Kurosaki. You can never know what they're thinking or what they're feeling wholeheartedly.**_ _**I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm not your Mother, I'm not your Father, and I'm not anyone who holds any sort of influence over you whatsoever.**_

_** I'm merely here to show you the facts. **_

Hazumi… was not the girl that I thought she was. I had thought she was simply a Shinigami who had lived not quite as long as she could to see it all, and loved her friends with her whole heart. I had thought that when I first met her, she was some random Shinigami who had the strength to help, to assist, and to slowly overcome.

_But now… I see she had been there all along, the whole way. It didn't matter if I had met her in Soul Society or not._

_One way or another, she was always a part of this. She played a role all along. _

_She played… right into Aizen's hand. _

_She… was aware that it was wrong. _

_She was aware that her actions were horrible. _

_**You're getting self-righteous. **_

_**We're through, here.**_

"Hazumi… did she know… the true nature of the Hōgyoku?"

It was the only question that I could ask.

The line between going there and never coming back- that was it.

If she had known, and if she had been aware that that damn Hōgyoku wasn't really what Urahara thought it was, then I didn't know if I could… what? Look at her the same? Love her?

I waited as Kuria-Dei contemplated my question, eyes fixated on the ground. It seemed like forever before she uttered those words.

_**No. Barry was the one that figured it out. **_

And right then, that was all I needed.

I didn't want to have to make that decision, anyway.

And even if it had come to making that choice, I wouldn't have been able to, because Kuria-Dei was putting me under again.

But some feeling slowly came over me, and because of that emotion I hesitated.

I felt groggy as I spoke nearly indiscernible words. "I want to see… the rest…"

And if I didn't know any better, I'd say the zanpakutou ghost's tone was disappointed.

_**Would it help you? **_

_**You will never truly understand Hazumi. You can't ever truly know someone. It would not help you in your search for unattainable answers. **_

_**I will not show you more of Hazumi's past.**_

_**It does not concern you. **_

I wanted to understand her. I wanted to know why Hazumi was the person she was today. I wanted to know why, no matter what good happened, that shadow was always behind her eyes. But at least… I was on the same ground as her now.

And then Kuria-Dei's voice echoed in my ears, soft and gentle.

_**What concerns you is her future.**_

Darkness.

_I'm starting to see_…

_Hazumi_… _you_…

_You never wanted any of this, did you?_

**-X-**

_If I don't make it,_

_Then I don't make it._

_It's _

_That_

_Simple.  
_

_

* * *

_Ahh, so there! Flashback~  
Your words are greatly appreciated. Please drop by!


	42. Die Believing

**A/N:** So thanks to your very motivational reviews, thank you so much, I have written this chapter pretty quickly, compared to the last few chapters. I love you guys more than you could ever know! It's so great to just hear from my readers. It's so motivational, that's the only way I can put it. Along with the occasional broad grin and slight warming of my heart, that is.

Not a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but hopefully this may clear any muddled thoughts, or inspire new suspicions.

Also, you should check out the second chapter to my former one-shot. 'Strictly Business' is now it's title!

_So thanks._

**Animelover1993, Eklipt, LogicOfFire, Shadow of a Broken Angel, Godzilla2, Puertoricandarkhunter, Mysticbreez, WhisperInTheRain.**

**Godzilla2:** Ah! Sometimes I just can't help it, so I'm sorry! I should have at least put the meanings underneath. Thanks for pointing this out, and again, sorry!

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Cuarenta y uno:**_

_"Die Believing"  
_

_

* * *

_She's gone and she's not coming back.

* * *

_It pissed me off._

_It pissed me off so much that I just wanted to blow something up. And thinking of blowing something up pissed me off even more, because that brought thoughts of my very reliable explosive's whiz, Barry. _

_And Barry was dead. _

_My grief was like a deep river, and ever so slowly the water had trickled to create a runoff of boiling water- I was pissed. Sure, I had the right to be quite upset, but this anger was beyond rationality, and I wasn't even conscious yet. Barry was dead, Mon was dead, and Ito's status was unknown to me. Hosyu was still out there, Ichigo was still out there, and so were a hell of a lot of other people. _

_What the hell was going on out there? _

_I had tried to wake myself, from bashing my head against this rickety dock to dunking myself into the dark, smooth waters below, but each time my efforts were futile. I was stuck here on this wooden harbor until Kuria-Dei saw it fit for me to leave. What made this worse was this place had changed again. It was no longer raining. The murky sea wasn't violent anymore. If anything, it was too calm. So calm that it unnerved me. The sky wasn't the most beautiful blue out there, but it was sort of overcast. Puffed, grey clouds were at a standstill in the sky above me- that's what this place was._

_ It was at a standstill. _

_The air floated with a crisp touch, refreshing once inhaled. But I wasn't falling for some cheap psychological tricks that Dei was trying to play. I was pissed, and I wanted out. I was blind to what was happening in Karakura- everyone could have been dead by now and I would have been oblivious to it all. The Apocalypse could have occurred and I was just chillin' in my mind, put out by Kuria-Dei's stupid magic. _

_My zanpakutou and I had a very, very difficult relationship._

_ Rarely did we see eye to eye. It was only just recently that we had been on the same wavelength- or so I had thought. Apparently not, if she was willing to keep me contained in here like some caged animal. _

_Kuria-Dei had so many talents, and it took me awhile to grasp the concept that she was just a difficult entity. I could never exactly grasp the right words to describe her. _

_At first I had thought she was a healing zanpakutou, with her numbing abilities and anesthetics._

_ But then she switched over to Neutrality, nullifying enemy attacks and even injuries. _

_She could put people under, and she could save those people. _

_She could infiltrate barriers with that neutral presence of hers, and she could break them with just a flick of her magic._

_ It just didn't make sense to me. Was she a healer, or a fighter? And then there was my Bankai, Bachi no Seken. From her words to just her simple gestures in conversation, I knew Kuria-Dei regarded Bachi no Seken's power with scorn. They were total opposites, and it just had me even more confused. Wasn't a zanpakutou supposed to be reliable, and wasn't it supposed to just stay on the same track? _

_Wasn't Bankai supposed to just be a more formidable form of it's Shikai? _

_Apparently not, or I was a defective Shinigami. _

_And there- I wasn't even done with my rant. _

_Apparently, my Bankai was in the dumps. That little sphere on top of my staff had broken when I used it as a last attempt against that monster of an Espada, Ulquiorra. That was my source of power in regards to Bankai. So what now? Could I not use Bankai anymore? _

_This was infuriating. _

_I was useless in here, but I would be useless on the battlefield in my state. _

_I couldn't stand against Aizen on equal ground- my power was by no means as great as his. So what could I do? Really, what more could I do besides get in the way? I only caused worry with the way I was right now. I needed to change, and I needed it fast. I needed to reach some epic epiphany that would suddenly shed light onto all my muddled issues. _

_But this was real life, not some cheesy story. _

_As expected, my brain didn't just all of the sudden start ticking and come up with some marvelous answer to my worries. Quite frankly, if that had happened, then I would truly believe that this was the end- that the Apocalypse was really here and I could do whatever I wanted without consequences._

_ After all, the end is the end. _

_

* * *

_

Hosyu Nagasaki was not a soul to be taken lightly.

He was diligent and hardworking, yet often outspoken. He was unpredictable, but not brash. That was how the boyish Shinigami had moved up through the ranks- with his guarded passion. He was a controlled, fiery man. He was a professional Shinigami: he knew how to handle his shit.

But then there was Hazumi.

As his younger sister, she only slightly resembled him with her physical attributes and intangibles qualities. She was assertive and cantankerous, whereas he had that magical quirk that dear Hazumi had always lacked: tact. Hosyu finished his work right off the bat- Hazumi had frequently waited until the last minute to finish. Hazumi did not care for her position in Soul Society's military; Hosyu had striven to reach where he was today. The siblings were both stubborn with their own senses of humor, but Hazumi was more dry with hers, whereas Hosyu knew the line between respect and making an utter fool of another.

Unlike Hazumi, Hosyu did not dawdle on fine lines.

Narrowing his brilliant emerald eyes, Hosyu Nagasaki stayed rooted as he was, waiting for an opening as he gazed at Aizen's scene before him.

He found it.

His favorite Commander-in-Chief of the _Onmitsukidō_ provided said opening with her unanticipated arrival, giving Hosyu that chance to swoop in and make a grab for his unconscious sister. It sounded cliché, when he really got the chance to think about it. But at the time, it wasn't cliché at all.

Saving his sister's life was by no means a cliché matter.

And to think… Hosyu and Hazumi had formerly had a strained sibling bond. From the very beginning had Hazumi idolized and held Reizo in the golden light, whereas Hosyu had kidded off to the side. Reizo had been the first to accept Hazumi from rehabilitation, whereas Hosyu had taken a few days to come around.

He just couldn't wrap his head around the sharp abstraction of manslaughter, but once he caught sight of his sister all those years ago when she had first returned after a five year absence… he had resolved to force himself into understanding. Hosyu had always been aware of Hazumi's weaker attributes- she was no boy, she was not strong. She was the younger sister. Simple.

But upon her return to society, somewhere along the road he had found himself pushing to reach some type of connection. She had returned different- tentative, modest, and with a very small, _ghoulish_ smile that had made his gut wrench with guilt. The shadow in her eyes had said it all.

He had condemned her without even realizing.

That's where he had started to make an effort- where he was there more and more. Where he appeared in the picture, instead of just that prick Reizo. He found that the more she smiled, the more he smiled. She was an infectious person.

And then Barry committed that mass murder and was sentenced. At the time, Hosyu had been appalled at the brilliant woman's escape from the most secure prison ward in Seireitei. Only over a number of years later had he realized that it was Hazumi who had provided the means of jailbreak. She had grown a backbone.

Hazumi had fought for what she wanted.

In turn, Hosyu had kept quiet. It also didn't hurt the fact that he deeply cherished Barry's company, so much to the point that he could have said it was love, at one point.

But then Reizo went off the deep end, causing Hazumi to spiral down with him.

Hosyu couldn't have that.

So he kept the facts from her and shielded her from the truth, and in turn he was forced to watch his once happy, younger sister slowly turn tired and bitter.

Hazumi would hate to be called a victim- she always said she was her own person, and others simply did not have the ability to change her. But Hosyu knew. He had watched with silent regret as Hazumi changed more and more, until she somehow became an aloof and unapproachable stranger.

Hosyu had still regarded her talents as weak, and didn't give them much thought as she unconsciously distanced herself. They still spoke, drank, and laughed together, but they would never go further. They never had those heart-to-hearts. She had become awkward with her feelings and others around her. She closed herself off.

But then… Ichigo Kurosaki had showed up in Seireitei, thinking he could make a difference. No one had actually anticipated his success, and certainly not the impact that he would have on Soul Society.

And the impact on Hazumi.

Somehow that Kurosaki kid had changed his sister yet again, and Hosyu hadn't even seen it. She had stood up and fought- she had taken her stance and found that backbone once again. And that one time when the siblings' blades had clashed, Hosyu had sensed that Hazumi was finally fighting for a purpose.

His sister had turned into a hardass, a bitter girl, and a contemptuous bystander- but Ichigo Kurosaki had stepped in and changed that yet again.

So who was this woman in his arms now, he wondered as he clutched the girl to his chest, now meters away from the action. He had gotten away clean, but his sister hadn't.

"Good move, Hosyu!" Yoruichi's hearty call made its way to the Nagasaki boy's ears, but he only cast her an absent thumbs-up to signify acknowledgment as he lowered his sister to the ground.

Coincidentally, the elder Nagasaki had only moved feet away from Ichigo Kurosaki and Gin Ichimaru, but he paid no heed.

Ichigo was only able to glance at Hazumi's too-quiet form as he stood before Ichimaru, teeth gritting in horrid frustration. He wanted her to wake up and start shouting nonsense again, but at the same time he didn't know what he would say if she were to step by his side.

Co-conspirator of the creation of that blasted Hōgyoku was a pretty big deal, no matter how he looked at it.

Yet… it was Hazumi. Irritable, irrational, and totally senseless Hazumi that had somehow… wormed her way into his life and latched onto his heart. The one that saved his ass countless times, but had also unwillingly and unintentionally put his ass on that very same line without knowing it, well over two hundred years ago.

To hell with it- he just wanted to grab her and press her against his chest and never, ever, let go.

But she was out cold, and he was in the middle of this fucked up fight.

And truth be told, he didn't know if he could if he had the chance.

Over by Hazumi, Hosyu's eyes were trained on his kin's weakened form, battling the emotions that had long since threatened to take over.

_All along… Hazumi and Barry were conspirators right there with Kisuke Urahara._

This was not the first time that Hosyu had been informed, but it was different- hearing it spoken aloud by the most damnable of them all. Barry had taken it upon herself and, in her own crude words, 'Finally grew a pair and fessed up,' before her and Mon's departure from the true Karakura. It had had time to settle with Hosyu then: Hazumi's real position in this whole fucked up mess.

At first, keen emerald eyes could only narrow dangerously as he mulled this over, feeling something very, very similar to betrayal. Hazumi had never mentioned it- then again, Hazumi had never mentioned most of her criminal activity. But as he chewed on this newly acquired information more and more, Hosyu just couldn't find it in him to hate the sister that he had watched climb, stumble, and fall for all those years.

In every action did he see true motivation and even more sincere reason. It was simple: his younger sister was about the biggest idiot he had ever met, but an idiot with heart.

It was Ichigo Kurosaki's doing, too.

Speaking of which, that orange head of his was pretty distracting, and his loud outbursts were quite an annoyance to the Warden of the Nest of Maggots as well. Watching this all pan out, Hosyu Nagasaki realized he was between a rock and a hard place.

As the Warden of the Nest of Maggots, Hosyu specialized in hand-to-hand combat, or _Hakuda._ He was no healer; it was the area in which he most struggled.

However, if Yoruichi Shihōin was here, that meant he would not fight. If she was beaten, then he did not stand a chance. Hosyu excelled in _Hakuda_ and had been personally trained by the charismatic Shihōin heir herself, but there was still an unbridgeable chasm between their power.

So if he couldn't heal or fight, what purpose did he serve? Would he just let Hazumi die like this?

How could he, he thought, as he gazed down at her scuffed face. He was the elder brother, he was the only family she had left, and there he was- failing her.

What the hell was he doing?

The state his sister was in was daunting indeed, to his credit. He wouldn't even know where to begin. Assuming that half the blood on her wasn't even hers, there were still physical injuries- a gaping hole in her left forearm, gashes on her back from flying debris imbedding in her skin- and what the hell was with her shirt?

Why the _fuck_ was there a whole side of it missing, and where the hell had those bruises come from? The exposed skin on her side was a faint, purplish hue. At first the feeling had been vague, but after time, Hosyu slowly came to realize he was going through the process of horror.

He was losing his only sister, and he was _fucking_ terrified.

"Hazumi… you…"

He couldn't say it. He couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. The sentence that would determine his future. He had lost Barry- he didn't want to say it, and he was nowhere near coming to terms with her death, but he knew she was gone. He just didn't want to admit that the same was happening to his younger sister right in front of his eyes, and he was unable to do a _goddamn_ thing about it.

You're dying, Hazumi.

* * *

_"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! LET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" _

_**My, my, what a brash puppet you are… **_

_A voice…? _

_Swiveling my head in God knows how many directions, I swept the area for the source of that voice. It was familiar, yet not. I couldn't identify who it belonged to. Burying my hands in my loose, blonde hair, I scrunched my eyes in utter exasperation, "What the hell!" _

_**God, you're worse than Kuria-Dei's constant yammering about ridiculous nonsense.**_

_This was nonsensical. How long had I been trapped in here just watching the waves slowly roll, waiting for something to happen? I knew time was ticking, and the only thing I could do was sit here. This wasn't benefiting anybody. _

_Not Ba- _

_N-Not Ichigo… not his father, not Hosyu, or anyone else still standing in the fight. _

_And now someone was trying to talk to me?_

_**You really are an annoying, belly-aching, pitiful soul, Girl.**_

_ And suddenly the voice was much closer. So close that I had thought I felt breath right on the back of my neck. Whirling around, my feet made the dock creak as I narrowed my eyes at the rather crude newcomer. But no sooner than my eyes narrowed did they widen, taken off guard by the presence of not just one, but two entities. _

_A girl and a boy stood on my rickety, wooden dock just feet away from me. _

_The girl was a tall thing with these striking yellow eyes, sleek black hair, and the longest legs I had seen in awhile. Her small face was relaxed and her stance screamed casual, and her overall appearance generally had aloof written all over it. _

_The boy, on the other hand, seemed a bit more solemn, with these grave features and jet-black, shoulder-length hair. To my surprise, his dark attire seemed particularly similar to those of- _

_**Oi! You can't just go recognizing him,**__ here Yellow Eyes jerked an irritated thumb at the silent boy, earning an unperturbed glance from said boy, __**before you go recognizing me! That's just wrong! **_

_That took me a minute to process, and only then did I turn my full attention to the two, crossing my arms as a frown slowly overcame my lips. My brows pulled as I studied them more, noting the way the boy's eyes only followed movements of my own. He seemed stoic and collected during this whole encounter, which was enough to ruffle my own feathers a bit. _

_"Who the hell are you two?" was my brilliant response. _

_I mean, I wasn't in the mood for more new friends. Something bigger was on my mind- say… the war just outside my subconsciousness, for example. I wanted to get back to it all- it was unfair for me to be put out like this, and having the rest out there still fighting for their lives. _

_Why did I get the luxury of being put under? _

_Hell, I should have been the one out there drowning in her own blood, not Bar-_

_**That's what's so great about you, Hazumi. You're just so fucking like that. So self-sacrificing and you won't listen to anyone. **_

_**I like that. **__**Shoulder the blame.**_

_** It feels so good.**_

_The tone the girl spoke in surprised me, and not just that. Her words. Her malicious words cut me, and I felt as if I were physically afflicted and openly bleeding. Apparently my mild surprise was evident, because this was where the boy spoke up, looking me right in my big, ink eyes._

_"You surprised her."_

_**Hah. Well, she deserves it, since she can't even recognize her own Bankai!**_

_At this, the blood seemed to have no problem with draining from my face, and right then I felt a little cold inside. The next thing I said felt a little breathless, "B-Ban… Bankai?" _

_Stepping forward, Yellow Eyes' face split into a wide, menacing grin that had goosebumps coating the top layer of my skin. _

_**Bachi no Seken, pleased to make your acquaintance, Hazumi Nagasaki.**_

_ This was… this was Bachi no Seken? This towering, loud-mouthed, leggy giant was my Bankai!_

_**I don't appreciate those thoughts.**_

_ And suddenly there was that golden staff in her tiny little hands, and that wasn't even the most surprising part- the black sphere was atop it once again. I felt the power radiating from the little orb, and only now did I realize how malign it really felt. _

_How sickening its power made me feel, so much that I had to tear my gaze away just after a few moments. _

_Eyes hardening upon this, "What are you doing here?" _

_**What, are you not even going to ask who my friend is? **_

_**How rude. You make a very horrible hostess, Hazumi.**_

_Friend… Somehow, I really didn't think the boy thought them as friends, as my eyes trailed to where he stood. His arms were crossed and stance still casual, like he was almost bored. Only from his eyes connecting with mine did I get that he wasn't totally disinterested. But that left only one question in regards to him. _

_Why was he interested?_

_ Finally able to glance away from the unnerving stillness of the dark-haired youth, "I don't give a damn who he is. I want to know why you're here, after so long. I've spoken to you once in my life, and after all this time you're just now coming out? It seems almost like cowardice to me, Bachi."_

_ Bachi no Seken's eyes immediately narrowed in response, and she took a threatening step forward, whipping out her staff so fast that I hadn't even had time to comprehend the situation. In less than a second had she pointed that ill-boding ink sphere right at my face, and I had enough sense to be faintly surprised that she didn't force the blades out as well. _

_**Girl,**__ the first word was spat with ill-concealed disgust, __**don't you ever disrespect me so. I nurtured you to become strong in our form, and this is what I get? You rebel against me, conspiring with Kuria-Dei? She's weak, and I won't have her in control. Fuck her 'Clarity.' What you need is strength, and I have that to offer. All Kuria-Dei,**__ here Dei's name was hissed with animosity, __**has to give is sweet words and false comfort. I won't give you false security. **_

_**I'll give you enough power to claim real security. **_

_What she was saying pretty much threw me in a loop. I knew Kuria-Dei and Bachi no Seken were not on the best of terms, but how could… they hate one another so? How could… my inner self clash so much? Was I really that weak in regards to my own emotions?_

_**With me in control, you won't have to bother with Kuria-Dei's fraudulent guise. You wouldn't have to act under a pretense anymore, Hazumi. **_

_Her words were starting to sting, and something was starting to rile within me. _

_**You would be strong enough protect your precious people. **_

_**You won't have to watch their backs anymore. **_

_And then she said the most ignorant thing ever possible in the face of stupidity. _

_**Barry would not be dead if I were in control.**_

_WHAM! _

_The dull sound echoed silently throughout my calm world with surprising effect. If I thought things were still before, imagine what it was now. _

_Silent impact. _

_My fist, clenched so tightly that it burned, had embedded itself directly in the gut of Bachi no Seken. _

_"Don't you dare…" _

_Saliva and a crimson substance spewed from the skinny girl's lips, unadulterated shock lacing stark her features. _

_"Don't you dare insult Barry like that." _

_And I went for another hit, but Bachi was quick enough to recover, flashing back in a quick zip to the long forgotten boy's side. _

_My words were clipped with anger, "Saying something so FOOLISH!" Fists shaking at my sides, I felt tears burn in my eyes, and it took every ounce of composure to keep them there. "Barry was smart enough to know what the hell she was getting into! Don't you ever insult her by putting her death on my shoulders! DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER!" _

_It was hitting me then-_

_ Barry was gone. _

_The numbing shock was leaving me, and I hated that. I hated feeling. I hated emotions, that I was so sensitive to them. _

_**You stupid girl! Think of what you're doing!**_

_And of all the things, her words had a sudden, hysterical bubble of laughter spilling from my lips. "Think of what I'm doing? What the hell am I doing, wasting time here listening to your… complete bull! This is all so stupid! I want to get out! LET ME OUT!"_

_ "It seems your strategy isn't working. Time for something new." It was the lanky boy who spoke, but my eyes were still burning through Bachi no Seken._

_ My Bankai ghost was standing there with the most unbecoming frown on her face, but it suited her. She was an unbecoming entity. Gritting her teeth, __**Fine, you get your way. I tried diplomacy, but I guess it's up to force.**_

_The __girl only side-glanced her companion, __**You're always right in the end… Tensa Zangetsu.**_

_The words hadn't even finished escaping her cherry lips, but I was already white as a ghost.  
_

_Did she just…? _

_**Hazumi, there's no if- when I defeat you, I'll simply rule. Kuria-Dei will die by my hands, and you'll see how good it will be. Just you wait, this'll be over real soon, and then you'll see how useful I am.**_

_Her grip tightened on the staff, __**It'll seem like I'm killing you, but I can't. I'd die too. But it'll hurt like hell, not that you don't deserve it for your impudence. There's not enough room for both me and Kuria-Dei. **_

_**Someone's gotta go, and it sure as hell won't be me.**_

_"W-What… is…"_

_ I couldn't get it out._

_ Despite Bachi no Seken's looming figure now not three feet away, I couldn't tear my eyes away from… Tensa Zangetsu. _

_Ichigo's Bankai, to my horror. _

_**Oh, him? Let's just say… we're more or less on the same page. **_

_**Tensa Zangetsu and I… are not that different. **_

_"Do not compare me to such graceless entities such as yourself, Bachi no Seken."_

_ But Bachi discarded any other acknowledgment of the boy, and closed the gap between the two of us. It was official. I was in a fight to the death- well, death of my free will- with the ghost of my zanpakutou's Bankai, and I was defenseless. _

_Because in my world, I had never carried a sword. _

_In Ichigo's world I hadn't carried a sword either. _

_All I had were my bare hands, and my wit. Pitted up against Bachi no Seken, the odds were definitely not in my favor. _

_But… _

_My hands caught the mid-section of Bachi's spinning staff, and I spoke under my breath with a hushed, strangled murmur, "This one's for you, Barry." _

_I'd win, and then I'd get the hell out of here. _

_I'd get back to Karakura and make myself useful._

_Just you wait, Ichigo Kurosaki. Don't you dare die without me. Don't even think about pulling some martyr stunt. I'd never forgive you, and I'd curse you. I'd hunt you down in Soul Society and kick your ass until your nose bleeds._

_But even with my stubborn and deluding threats to a boy that couldn't even begin to know what was happening, my heart still wavered. Because I had so much blood on my hands, and I didn't think that I could ever make amends for that.  
_

_So that's how Bachi no Seken landed her first hit._

**-X-**

_I swear I will come back for you._

_Not any goddamn material or intangible substance can change that._

_

* * *

_Ahh, hopefully that shall suffice for awhile  
I look forward to your thoughts.  
Oh, and: **Animelover1993, you are absolutely brilliant for your offer and work with FH! I'm looking forward to your piece so much, and I really appreciate your love for my story. It makes a humble girl feel like the queen of the world.**_  
_


	43. Deliverance

**A/N:** Holy Smokes, sorry for the wait! My sleep schedule is wacked out, and I'm a total mess right now. I regret to inform ya'll that this will be the last update for awhile. I leave for Scuba camp Sunday, and then when I get back, I'll be heading off to Philly, so updates won't be for another three weeks. I'm sorry! But I managed to finally write this, because I didn't want to leave without updating at all. It was difficult, but I got it! Thank you reviewers! You guys are great! Btdubs, this is my longest chapter yet!

Oh! And, you should check out **Animelover1993's **_Song Inspired_ fic. It's great, and she even wrote a blurb about IchigoXHazumi. And for that, I'm extremely grateful and honored. Thanks, Liz!

**Eklipt, Animelover1993, LogicOfFire, Mysticbreez, mutethoughts, Shadow of a Broken Angel, shadowgouf.**

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

_

* * *

_

**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

**_Cuarenta y dos:_**

_"Deliverance"_

_

* * *

_

Barry, why do you smoke?

_…_

_-I don't expect to live that long-_

* * *

_**You'll never learn. This over your stupid, thick head. Just stop resisting- I'm good for you, and you know it. I'll ensure your life and your friends'.**_

_Bachi no Seken was standing at the edge of the dock, peering down with a dark scowl on her delicate face and hands planted on that staff of hers. Her foot moved closer to a small hand- clinging for salvation. I only watched from my helpless position as her foot came down, crushing my hand that was grasping the wooden dock desperately. _

_My body hang limply from the edge of the harbor, feet barely skimming the eerily-clam waters below. Feeling her grind my fingers against harsh wood, I gritted my teeth as the splinters embedded themselves into exposed flesh. _

_**Do you enjoy being weak? Do you like your position as the damsel in distress? **_

_**You want Ichigo Kurosaki to save you at every turn in your life? **_

_It had started to rain again. At first it had started as just a small drizzle, lingering in the air as a mist around our bodies. _

_But then the downpour came. _

_A deluge. _

_As my hair continuously stayed plastered to my face, my liquid-ink eyes scrunched tightly, pained and wavering. Clawing at the wooden planks with my able hand, I found that Bachi no Seken would not budge from her stronghold. She had me pinned there until I would succumb to her wishes. Maybe I just should have. I would be strong with Bachi no Seken as my companion. With all of this pain that I had experienced with Kuria-Dei, would it be worth it? Would Bachi seriously keep this raw emotion away?_

_**I would. Emotion is not one of my concerns.**_

_And as Bachi no Seken continued to grind down on those fingers of mine, my black eyes watered and flew to the sky, catching an apathetic gaze on their way up. Tensa Zangetsu was standing behind Bachi with his arms crossed, unmoving and seemingly unaffected. Just standing there watching like some bystander. _

_And suddenly- it hit me._

_ It slammed right into me, slugged me like no tomorrow. _

_The feeling. _

_The emotion I got after seeing him standing there- unemotional._

_ I-I didn't want to be like that. _

_I didn't want to be some… unfeeling, apathetic creature. I wanted to be… Hazumi Nagasaki- the girl that had broken Barry out of prison, the argumentative twat that accompanied Hosyu to bars, and the… dear friend to Ichigo Kurosaki. _

_So with a nasty grimace contorting my face, my free hand found itself wrapped around Bachi no Seken's boney ankle- grip tightening on her seemingly plastic skin with each passing second. In one blinding flash of violent lightning, endless ink eyes flared dangerously in the heavy veil of pouring rain._

_ "Get the fuck off my dock, you miserable Curse." _

_And I tugged for all I was worth._

_

* * *

_

Hosyu Nagasaki watched from afar as Urahara, Yoruichi, and Isshin Kurosaki combined their efforts in a whirlwind of spiting attacks, hit after hit after hit rocking Karakura with power. And it seemed that each time Aizen was hit, he would only emerge from the dust even more powerful than before.

With his deathly-pale sister lying still by his side, Hosyu was coming to believe that there was no out to the situation at hand. He was smarter than his younger sister in these tight situations- he always thought through the trouble and took a more logical approach, but here and now… there was no logic in this. Where was the logic in Barry's death, and the approaching ice in Hazumi's skin? Where was the logic in losing family and friends, and _where_ the _fuck _was the logic in Aizen's plot?

With Hazumi and Barry out of the picture, with his Captain incapacitated and bleeding out on the street, Hosyu Nagasaki found himself struck cold. What the hell could he do?

"Do you believe… there is anything you can do for her, Hosyu Nagasaki?"

A low and disturbing voice caused the boyish Shinigami's emeralds to slowly rise, until they met a monster.

"To aid Hazumi-san this far into Death's clutches, do you think you can help her now?"

The monstrosity called Sosuke Aizen stood merely yards before the Nagasaki man.

His three seniors- incapacitated.

Aizen had… defeated them.

"No." Surprisingly, this was Hosyu's firm response. Not glancing at his younger sister's form, he could only attempt to keep a cool head. Desperation was slowly trying to seep into his senses, but he pushed it away forcefully, keeping mind to keep his gaze away from Hazumi's inert build.

But the more Hosyu tried to keep his cool, the more he questioned.

What the hell was he doing, just kneeling there speaking idly with this rat bastard?

Why the _fuck _was he not moving to slash this guy's throat-

Hosyu knew why.

If there was one thing the boyish Shinigami knew, it would be concerning his sister's intentions.

"What kind of older brother would I be, if I made the same mistakes as _Onee-chan?_"

Because Hosyu Nagasaki knew that the only thing Hazumi would want from him was his survival in this whole ordeal. Even if it meant her death, he just knew Hazumi would want to him to live.

_Her death… _

Those words stung.

"I see…" And it was that easy.

It was that easy to get Aizen to turn away with a smooth pivot. Why was it that easy to turn his attention to the Kurosaki boy?

Unbeknownst to the elder Nagasaki, Aizen's eyes had briefly flickered to where Hazumi _had been._ Hosyu didn't take notice, only continued staring at that Ichigo kid. Why was said Kurosaki boy looking so frozen, eyes haunted and wide. Hosyu wasn't sensitive to emotions, unlike his sister. Hazumi would know what the hell was going on with Kurosaki.

Hosyu only knew from the look lodged deep in his eyes- the image down to the very core of Ichigo Kurosaki. He was going into shock- just as his eyes attempted to slide over to his sister's body.

_Body…_

And ever so slowly, Hosyu found his eyes straying to his side, against his will. He didn't want to see Hazumi, a sturdy rock, so-

_There was nothing._

There wasn't life. There wasn't the image of his frail sister- nothing was there. Emeralds immediately widened with shock as Hosyu stared at the empty space beside him. Blood soaked the concrete, but there was no body. There wasn't a thing.

Hazumi was… gone.

* * *

_ Going against Bachi no Seken unarmed was a bold and silly move. _

_Tugging her leg so she lost her balance and slammed down into the wooden planks of my already rickety dock was a bold move, as well. I expected her to fall into the water, but that didn't work out as planned. Instead, she merely destroyed more of my sodden harbor, until there was barely enough left to even call a harbor. _

_With her impact came my fall, and with a sense of dread, I plummeted down into the chilling, almost-black waters below. Ice instantly flooded my lungs, and frost was sure to be coating my epidermis. It was a bitter cold that immediately brought my thoughts to winter. _

_Bitter winters and those cold and lonely snows._

_ With a bit of a struggle did I surface, just to duck back under once Bachi thrust her staff inches from my face._

_ I never liked swimming- I barely could, actually. Somewhere along the road of growing up in the slums and becoming a Shinigami did I rarely find time to swim in the outer districts of Rukon. So with my minimal experience with said activity, along with the fact that I had inhaled water on my way down, my time underwater quickly went from bad to worse. With not much oxygen in my system, I couldn't think clearly. Spots were invading my vision, and I squirmed my way to the surface once again, gasping in gulps of oxygen as my head broke the surface. _

_**Fuckin' pitiful. You'd rather drown in here than just accept my offer.** _

_With Bachi's voice came another jab from her staff, though this one made rough impact with my left shoulder. Flailing in the water would be useless, so I could only tell myself to go under yet again and swim as fast as possible to avoid her unruly jabs with that God-awful staff of hers._

_ I needed to get out of the water, for it was not my forte. There was no possible way that I could bring down Bachi no Seken while water invaded my senses. I felt like a mouse, squirming for its life right under the cat's paw. _

_It was sickening to think that I would stoop so low to such tactless endeavors. That I would end up fighting a futile battle, no matter how much I wanted to win. _

_What the fuck was there to do? _

_Just as this thought crossed my mind, my arms hit wood mid-motion. It took me a few moments to realize I was underneath the wreckage that formerly used to be known as my dock. Gripping this piece of salvation, I found myself surfacing for the third time, instantly wary as my eyes scanned the water before me._

_ **This is ridiculous. How the hell can she hold her breath for this long?** _

_Her irritation was palpable to me- I could feel Bachi no Seken's exasperation. _

_"You truly are a simple being, Bachi no Seken." And Tensa Zangetsu's bored drawl had my breathless pants dying at my lips. It was hard to keep my shuddered breaths at normalcy, for I realized I had ended up just below the two zanpakutou spirits. _

_**This girl is the simpleton here, Tensa Zangetsu. **_

_**You merely do not understand our situation.** _

_"I understand well enough."_

_ As their light banter continued, I found myself gripping the wooden poles that supported the rest of my dock, pressing my cheek against the cold, soaking wood. _

_**You can leave now, you know. I do not require your assistance.**_

_** It somewhat troubles me that you are still here. **_

_"I do not care for your troubles."_

_ Hands going numb, I started to lift myself from the biting waters, compressing my lips. I couldn't listen to these two anymore- I had to act. Fuck common sense and rationality. Rationality didn't bring me to where I was today. I didn't make these acquaintances and get to my position because I was cautious. Hell, I was needed elsewhere, and there I was- hiding._

_ It was disgusting._

_ I helped bring on this situation with the Hōgyoku, and I sure as hell wouldn't stand by and let it sort itself out. This my was my mess, too. I wouldn't let others clean up after my mistakes._

_ So with a steely glint in my eye, my hand flopped to the planks of the harbor, and I lifted myself up from the pole with a strangled grunt. But with this sudden noise came Bachi's voice from above, and a chilling horror in my stomach._

_ **You're mine, now.** _

_And her staff was coming down on me- the small blades were aimed straight for my heart. It was now or never. I would either succumb to Bachi's innermost desires, or I would resist fruitlessly. And even though I was terrified out of my mind, somehow those unadulterated words of resistance still escaped my lips. "Like hell-" _

_But a sudden swish of air had my spiteful words dying on my lips, and a delicate, pale hand had an iron hold on Bachi's golden staff. _

_A thick silence, and then, "I'll take it from here, Hazumi." _

_"K-Kuria-Dei…?"_

**-X-**_  
_

_ It was Kuria-Dei by my side, her hand that had stopped Bachi no Seken's ruthless swipe._

_ Kuria-Dei, in all of her soft glory. Her midnight hair was drenched in seconds in the befalling thunderstorm, her blue eyes shining brightly and narrowed so dangerously at Bachi, and clothing so simple that it brought a refreshing sense of familiarity to me. She had stopped Bachi- _

_Dei was here. _

_**You… **_

_Bachi's brilliant yellow orbs were spiting, and her words weren't contained in the slightest. Venomous was the word that came to mind as she stared down my old and genial companion. _

_"It's hasn't been long, Bachi no Seken."_

_ **Don't try to be coy with me, Kuria-Dei. I'll slice you to ribbons.** _

_"I'd like to see you try, wretched Curse." _

_Whereas Kuria-Dei's tone was only an airy acknowledgment, Bachi no Seken's was barely bitten into suitable words. I was just sprawled there on the remaining planks, soaking like a wet dog, my breathing slowly abating to regularity. Watching these two converse was unnerving, and I was slightly intimidated by the sudden spark between them._

_To put it calmly, the air was crackling with abhorrence. _

_Feeling a gentle hand fall to my shoulder, I bit back a wince even at the gentle touch, for my flesh was sensitive and quite irritated from Bachi's staff. Noting this, the hand fell, but the gaze was still there. _

_"You truly are remarkable, Hazumi," were the words of my good-natured half, her calm tone warming me from the chill of the water. _

_"Nah, Dei. I'm not remarkable." Starting to stand, I kept a wary eye on Bachi no Seken as she stayed still, watching the two of us with narrowed eyes and a tight line where her mouth should have been. _

_"I tend to think so."_

_ I only side-glanced at the warm ghost, catching a flash of brilliant blue. _

_Brilliant blue… _

_Hands fisting at my sides, I felt the sudden urge, the need, to get back. I had to- Ito was still out there, and not in good shape._

_ B-Barry… _

_Barry, too. _

_Feeling a shudder wrack my shoulders, it took me a few moments to realize that it wasn't from the cold. A sudden wave of grief bombarded me before I even had the chance to prepare for the onslaught. It crashed into me without even a hint of warning, cause me to intake a sharp breath, feeling it suddenly hard to swallow. _

_A small, malicious small curled the lips of Bachi no Seken, and her eyes took on a fiendish glint. _

_**Care to make the first move, girls? **_

_**Or… should I rip Kuria-Dei's heart out to send a message, Hazumi?** _

_That's where my composure decided to fly out the window. "No!" _

_My bare foot stepped forward, but Kuria-Dei's small hand found its way to my uninjured shoulder this time. "We'll do this together, Hazumi."_

_ My breathing was suddenly heavy as she stepped beside me, grip fastening to my hand. _

_"Bachi no Seken's reign will end here. You've decided, and I've merely come for deliverance. I… will assure Bachi no Seken's final death, with your hand." _

_And there it happened in a flash. _

_There was just Kuria-Dei at my side, but then she wasn't, and in my hand was her thin, sleek blade that I hadn't found myself using since before Hueco Mundo. Gripping her hilt tightly, coals met blinding yellow, and I went forward._

_ Not even sparing Tensa Zangetsu a glance, I assumed he had enough sense to get away. As my sword connected with Bachi's staff, I still didn't know the significance of Tensa Zangetsu's presence, but it wasn't of clear and present danger. He was merely watching, almost waiting. Waiting for what, I did not know, but I discarded the thought of it as Bachi pressed on._

_ My doubts were starting to disappear, along with my self-analysis. All I heard before the sky thundered was Dei's echo in my ears, fueling my confidence._

_ "Where there's a will, there's a way." _

_And that's all I needed._

_

* * *

_

The end of the Chrysalis Period was Hosyu's breaking point.

The opening of the _Senkaimon _tore him apart. That was the _Kidōshū_'s job- that was Hazumi's job!

Hearing Aizen talk about 'devouring Ichigo Kurosaki later' kicked Hosyu's mind into overdrive. He couldn't sit by and watch anymore. Hell, he didn't know what he was going to do, but surely not just watch.

_"Aizen, Gin! Get back here-!"_

And his feet were moving, but not fast enough. He didn't make it as the portal closed on his face, just before Ichigo Kurosaki- who stood there without doing a _goddamn _thing.

"What the hell are you doing, Kurosaki!" He couldn't hold it anymore- the desperation, despair. He lost Barry- she was dead. She was gone.

_He lost his sister. _

_Hazumi… _

Not able to keep a standstill, Hosyu grabbed the substitute Shinigami by the collar of his robes in a blur, green eyes flashing dangerously. _"What the hell were you doing, huh! How could you just let them go!"_

And all Ichigo could do was take this verbal abuse, staring like a lost child. The look in his eyes portrayed acquiescence. The boy had surrendered without even realizing.

_"What are you going to do now? Just watch them destroy your home? And you… we… only watched! How can…!"_ Hosyu's speech was strangled, his throat tightening with each passing word. He couldn't finish, but only slowly lowered his hands until his grip on the ginger boy relented. Uneasy breaths made the boyish Shinigami lower his head, _"How can I call myself a brother…?" _

Nothing seemed to hit the boy- Ichigo wasn't reacting. Hosyu vaguely realized that he was in shock-

_"Ichigooo!"_

Hosyu paid no heed to the voice, but only glanced around the crumbled city, despair weighing him down with each passing moment.

"What're you just standing there for? Open a _Senkaimon!"_

Kurosaki Isshin.

Hosyu disregarded their banter, how Kurosaki's voice was beyond hopeless, and his father's constant yelling. Ignoring how he headbutted his own son, and his words.

"Are you coming, Hosyu Nagasaki?" Isshin Kurosaki had paused in his verbal abuse directed towards his son, sparing the _Onmitsukidō_ officer a glance. Hosyu was still standing there- shell-shocked. Though despite his frozen demeanor, he managed to get one word out. One word that had made its way to Ichigo's ears.

And with the word came everything crashing on him.

_"H-Hazumi…"_

Ichigo's eyes automatically started to scan his surroundings, only looking for one particular Shinigami. But with each passing second, the weight was even more crushing, until he came to realize that she was not there.

"Oi! Where is she, Hosyu!"

His father hadn't knocked all of the sense back into him, but Ichigo had just enough to realize that this was simply not right.

"Hosyu!"

_"S-She's gone."_

_"What do you mean she's gone!"_ With panicked tawny eyes, Ichigo felt the weight. It was almost unbearable.

She's gone.

Did that mean…?

_"HOSYU-!"_

But whatever indiscernible curses Ichigo was about the throw the elder Nagasaki's way had been cut off by a sudden _'Oof!' _and an irritated sputtering. With a sharp pivot, Ichigo turned his gaze, and he could only feel the relief coming in all sorts shades as his eyes landed on nothing other than Hazumi Nagasaki.

**-X-**

I knew I was back in Karakura by my sudden and rough landing on the cracked pavement.

Coughing up a lung seemed pretty plausible as I attempted to filter the water from my lungs, sputtering and hacking as I scrunched my eyes in distaste. My hands gripped the pavement to the point where I almost broke skin, and I finally had enough sense to breathe deeply, inhaling the sweet, sweet oxygen.

With my deep inhale came a deep shudder, and I knew that I was alright, despite my rough arrival. Breathing heavily, I attempted to gather myself, but it was proving to be exceedingly difficult.

That was, until I heard _him_.

_"H-Hazumi…?"_

Blinking, I slowly raised my gaze to meet tawny. I don't know how long I just sat there on my shins, staring at him like some dumb idiot. I couldn't discern the look on his face, confusion to relief to uncertainty all flashed through his eyes, and I just didn't have the energy to even touch on his emotions.

But I didn't have the time to even attempt to reach his emotions, because I was suddenly thrown to the ground with a hard _smack._

Groaning, I felt a heavy weight on my toppled form, and I had to take a few minutes to realize it was my moron brother.

"Hosyu…?" And then I gathered my wits. "What the hell? Get off of me, you oaf!"

"Hazumi! You're alive!"

"You'll see how alive I am if you don't get your ogre-ass off of me!"

"I was so scared that I wouldn't hear that ever again!"

_THWACK!_

The aftermath was only a few groans as Hosyu sat off to the side, massaging his sore nose. Rubbing my scuffed knuckles, I scoffed at his intolerance for pain, and I gingerly made my way to my feet, sighing. But as soon as Hosyu's antics left my mind, an unease filled my gut, and my gaze strayed back to the two Kurosaki's.

Isshin had his sword out, as though he were about to open a _Senkaimon _without much effort. And then there was Ichigo. God, it relieved me to extremes to see he was more or less alright.

But I instantly recounted that last statement when I caught the look in his eye this time 'round.

Heavy bags underlined his weighted bronze eyes, and he screamed exhaustion. But it wasn't just his physical appearance that had me- it was there that his emotion caught me. Only one word came to mind.

_Heavy… despair._

Tentatively, I stepped forward, ignoring the water dripping from my frame. I was soaked to the bone- my blonde hair was sopping wet, loose and disarray over my shoulder, my clothes heavy from the water. With a grimace, I unlatched my Kido obi, heaving a breath as the added weight fell to the ground. But as my obi fell to the ground, a nasty shade revealed itself on my skin.

Ignoring it, I compressed my lips and continued making my way towards the two Shinigami, until I was before them. I felt Hosyu tracking behind me, but for now I paid him little heed. My mind was elsewhere- Ichigo's despair.

That's what I called it.

Addressing the elder Kurosaki first, "Hello, Kurosaki-san."

There was a small frown on his lips, and I could see the question in his eyes, but I didn't answer. He only nodded in response, saving it.

I was about to address Ichigo, but something stopped me. My gaze had turned to meet his, but I could only open my mouth and hear silence. Because what I was about to do next…

I couldn't form words to say to him. I could only see how awful his state was, and my heart clenched painfully at the thought of him going through more pain. But he was going to see this through to the end. And even though I wanted to as well, I knew I was not strong enough.

The bruising on my side was more than enough of a reminder, and I had felt Ichigo's gaze on it for a brief moment.

This was where my time ended.

Words finally found the strength to not die on my lips, "You… You see this through, alright?"

And right then he knew I was up to something. But before Ichigo could say one word to me, I cut him off with my action. I wanted to hear his voice, but I was terrified of what he would've said. I knew from the moment that Aizen gave me away-

Ichigo could not love me. I loved him, it was easy to think now, so easy to admit to myself.

But now… I couldn't tell him.

Because the look in his eyes as my sword pierced his chest had any words he was about to utter dying off of his lips, therefore dying off of mine. And even though I was the one who pierced his heart, I found myself feeling quite faint. A thin trail of blood leaking from the corner of my lip, I could only swallow thickly, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth in seconds.

**_"B-Bankai."_**

It wasn't an explosion of power; it wasn't dramatic in any sort. It was just a heavy burden lifted off of my shoulders, and onto his. I added to the weight on Ichigo's shoulders, but this time, he needed it. I felt the life draining from me- felt the energy leaving me like a pump.

Until it stopped.

And everything was silent. It was just stunned silence.

And then, the shouting started.

"Hazumi!"

_"What the hell?"_

"Don't just stand there, help me!"

"I don't know what's wrong with her! She's the one who assaulted you!"

My legs had given way, and I landed on my shins rather roughly, blinking the spots from my vision. It was Hosyu and Ichigo yelling back and forth, suddenly panicking. I would have laughed if not for the eruption of pain in my chest.

"Hazumi, can you hear me!"

And that's when I fell against a piece of rubble, not able to hold myself up for the time being. My chest hurt too much, and the pain caused me to grimace, spitting blood from the corner of my mouth.

"Shut up, both of you."

"Dad?"

"She's not dying, though she should be."

My eyes were on the three of them. Ichigo was in front of me, eyes wide and reckless. Then there was Hosyu, who was trying to push him out of the way. Despite the pain in my chest, I snorted in ill-concealed laughter at the morons. Isshin Kurosaki was still standing, looking down at me with an indecipherable expression.

"What you just did was a foolhardy and reckless decision, Hazumi."

"It'll be worth it."

"You may die."

"Like hell I will."

"You're pretty confident for a woman whose heart is in critical condition."

"If it were in critical condition, Kurosaki-san, I'd be unconscious. It's not my heart that worries me-"

_"Wait one minute! What the hell is going on!"_ It was Ichigo who had interrupted my and Isshin's bout, and with a hard glint to his eye he locked my gaze. "What the hell did you just do? Your sword just… vaporized on contact. What did you do to me?"

I could only swallow thickly as I looked at him.

With a firm tone, "Do you feel it?"

"What?"

"Answer me, you bloody idiot. Do. You. Feel. It." Gritting out each piece of the sentence bit by bit, I pointedly paused thoroughly, jabbing my finger in his chest with each word.

He grabbed my hand with a sudden scowl, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Then you will soon enough."

His scowl only deepened, and his voice was frustrated. "Why are you being so cryptic! What the hell is with you? You can't even move now!"

Compressing my lips, my face darkened to a scowl of my own, "If you'd just stop and think for a minute, maybe you'd understand this whole bloody ordeal."

"There's nothing to think about except your craziness!"

"I only did it so you'd had have a better chance of survival, you ignorant fool!"

This was getting us nowhere, and Aizen had already departed for Karakura, from the looks of it. Frowning deeply, I didn't break contact with Ichigo.

"I-I can't… take on Aizen, Ichigo. I'm not strong enough, though I wish I was." My voice dropped an octave as I stared at him, trying to get him to at least some level of understanding. "He murdered… Barry," I breathed her named with difficulty, "and he… manipulated me for a number of years. He used my brother, and he used my weakness and counted on my contribution to the Hōgyoku. I supposed the same could be said for Urahara at that point, but… I'm saying I want Aizen dead as much as the next guy."

A slow comprehension was alighting his face with this, but before he could say something stupid, I cut him off. Turning my head to the side, I muttered my next words, "I'm no Martyr, Kurosaki."

I didn't see the look on his face- how his eyes penetrated my very soul. Hosyu and Isshin had taken to the side, discussing what would happen once they were in the _Dangai. _So when I felt a hand on my jaw, bringing my gaze back to Ichigo's, I was vaguely surprised he would even look at me.

He was silent for a few moments as he stared at me, those tawny eyes of his now intense.

"You don't have to try to atone for anything, you know." His words stunned me for a very brief moment. "I know… the choice you had to make. I don't… care about that. I don't care."

With a dawning realization, I saw Ichigo was not repeating himself for my sake, but for his. Swallowing slowly, I felt the thick sensation of blood sliding down my throat, and I winced at the coppery taste.

"I feel like an idiot… for taking so long to realize. You thought I would hate you, didn't you?"

I didn't have to speak for him to know the answer.

"And you call me the idiot." Still I said nothing. "I can't hate you, Hazumi. It took me awhile to realize, but I can't hate you for what you did."

"You can't possibly still love-"

"I do."

"Then you're a fool."

The boy merely shrugged, retracting his hand from my face.

Rubbing the back of his neck, "Sometimes you sound like Rukia…"

"Rukia has the right idea, then."

By now I had to rest my head on the back of the rubble, and with a sigh I wiped the back of my hand against my mouth, grimacing at the crimson. Closing my eyes slowly, I heard the words come off of my lips before I knew I was saying them, "You know, you should get going. Aizen isn't going to wait."

"Yeah…"

His voice was so much closer.

"I'm serious."

"I know." My eyes opened at the sudden closeness, and I realized he was right there. His breath was hot on my face, and his lips lowered to mine not even a second later. The feel of Ichigo's lips against mine was something I'd never get used to, much less the taste of him. It was odd, and only further proved my point of his being a bombshell. Always surprising, always new, and always having some technique to throw me off guard.

A strong hand went to cup my cheek, the other coming around my back, and seconds later I felt myself being lifted into the air.

"O-Oi!"

"Shut up."

I flushed as he carried me as though he were one of those firemen from the Human World, and I could only senselessly beat my fists against his back. "P-Put me down, you oaf!"

"I'm not just gonna leave you there."

"You don't have to manhandle me!"

I could practically hear his grin, "Well when you put it like that…"

"My sister is right, Kurosaki." Hosyu's firm voice had a sigh of relief escaping my lips, but it did no justice in loosening Ichigo's grip.

"Maa, you two…"

"Open the S_enkaimon_, Kurosaki-san."

Isshin's voice was one of rationality, "Hazumi should not be joining us."

"What?"

At Ichigo's eloquent query, I managed to hit him rather hard, "Your dad's right, Ichigo."

"You're so violent…"

With another kick, I managed to somehow get to my feet, gingerly rubbing my side. The purple shade was dark and nasty, and quite the sight. With a grimace, I slowly brought my gaze to the three Shinigami around me.

"I'm no good there, we've already established this."

Yet I knew from the look Ichigo cast my way that he knew that I was already healing. It seemed he had sensed the rapid pace at which my organ was healing, and it puzzled me. How could he know… about this…?

_How can he know about us so quickly, Dei?_

I mean, I wasn't in any shape to fight. I couldn't. I had given a good chunk of my power to Ichigo, so he could finish this. My heart… was not the problem in this case. My heart had only been an inconsequential bystander because of the transfer of power, but it was healing rather fast thanks to Kuria-Dei. It was my lungs that had me troubled, just as Unohana had forewarned back in Hueco Mundo.

It seemed I was finally feeling the effects to my cheating Death so many times.

"Hazumi's right, Ichigo. I'm not lettin' her die on your behalf." It was Hosyu who had spoken, narrowing his eyes at my sub Shinigami. Said sub Shinigami rolled his tawny eyes, "And I'm not just leavin' her here."

Really his words were quite obvious.

_I'm not letting her out of my sight._

This caused a small heated discussion between my bonehead brother and the moronic kid, and I could only roll my eyes in response. Turning to Isshin, "I think that I'll stay behind for a few moments."

"Hazumi, I want to know- how is it that you're still moving?" The dark haired father had turned away from me to start the process of opening the _Senkaimon_, but he wanted an answer. "You gave more than half of your power to Ichigo, and yet you're still up. To make matters worse, your… heart should be failing about now, with the extent of your previous injuries. What exactly is your _Bankai_?"

Here I looked off to the side, gazing at the ruins of fake Karakura.

With a hesitant breath, "B-Barry… should have explained my condition. The rest is… quite new."

_**Quite new indeed. Its good to be in full swing.**_

A rush of warmth spread throughout my limbs, and I gingerly took a seat on a hefty rock just a few feet away, swallowing thickly. The pain in my chest was now at a bare minimum, but I wasn't leaving quite yet.

I had unfinished business in here.

So as the _Senkaimon_ completely opened, I watched as Isshin cast a glance at Ichigo, and when Ichigo turned to find me, I waved him on with a small gesture. Hosyu only looked back at me briefly before heading off, but Ichigo was still there.

I knew he didn't want to leave me, but I couldn't go in there.

Ichigo gave me a lingering look before he took off, hesitant to leave me.

But as soon as that _Senkaimon _closed, I found myself crumpling to the ground, feeling the effects of everything crash into me all at once. It only took a few seconds for darkness to fall upon me.

**-X-**

_Antithesis to my thoughts._

_Oh how I adore it.  
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Okay, so, I hope that will suffice! I tried not to end it with a cliffhanger, since we all know I love those so much.  
Your thoughts are always welcome. Review!_  
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	44. Hit With Reality

**A/N:** Hello everyone! As you can see, I am back from my extended leave. Hoorah! Scuba camp was fun, Pennsylvania was fun, but I'm glad to be home and writing. I did everything from rock climbing to walking the streets of Philly to exploring coal mines and diving down to 40 feet! It's been a hell of a couple of weeks, and I'm glad that I got to experience all these things. I've missed my readers, as well!

_Thanks guys, much love._

**Animelover1993, Eklipt, mute thoughts, WhisperInTheRain, FuzzyShadowFoxx, Howlingwolf26, LogicOfFire, Shadow of a Broken Angel, XxKuragari no KagexX, Azulish, WeesnawMcGee.**

_Happy Birthday, Eklipt!_

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Cuarenta y tres:**_

_"Hit With Reality"  
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It feels like you're so far away

Even though I just said goodbye to you forever.

And I had kissed your lively lips.

Goodbye.

And please return to me.

* * *

Rocks had been crushed to mere silver sand, and there I was with it filtering through my fingers. With nothing reflecting in my eyes except for the demons of war, I watched the small particles escape my hand and pour to the ground as if it were a small stream of sand.

I couldn't catch it.

With my hand raised in the air did I clench my fingers, staring up at the shadow cast by my tanned arm.

The silence was screaming in fake Karakura.

The bodies were on the floor, and I was calling out to mere ghosts. I was no longer looking for answers- I didn't want them. I wasn't getting up, I wasn't going to get up, and I knew I would fail if I tried. I could only stare at the scars plastered along the artificial skyline. The blood was tangible in my mind- I tasted the iron. I could see the death- its dimensions were unlimited upon black reflection. So there I lay with sand in my hands, my body limp on the destroyed ground. I could still feel my wounds, but they didn't really matter at this point. I would eventually get to them; I didn't need Kuria-Dei's abilities.

Because I didn't anticipate myself going through anymore physical pain. I was not going to Karakura- I was no longer part of this fight. My will to fight, my strength to go on, and my power to do something all went to Ichigo Kurosaki.

Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration. I wasn't some lifeless blob who just wanted to lay on the broken concrete all day and stare at the wreckage- it was that I wasn't up to par in regards to Aizen's, and Ichigo's too now that I thought about it, power. Kuria-Dei and I had accomplished a major feat- we bitched Bachi no Seken so hard that I thought that I was still feeling her buzzing with glory. She was really gone, Bachi no Seken was really, really gone.

For good.

I was freed from the suffocating black, and now I had attained infinite amounts of fresh, crisp Clarity. And with this Clarity came rationality- I knew my limits. I finally knew where I stood in all of this, and I knew what I was capable of. I would never be a super Shinigami; I was thankful. I wasn't a hero, or a Martyr, or anything out of the ordinary. I was Hazumi Nagasaki.

And that was my final self-analysis.

**-X-**

This first movement in town came with an unexpected presence. It also came with an assortment of colorful language, patient silence, resigned sighs, and derisive grunts that came from right above me?

"What a lazy piece of shit."

"I can't disagree there."

Resigned sigh.

"I left her here not thirty minutes ago, and she hasn't even moved."

"I wonder if she's awake…"

"She is. She's hearing every word of this, good for nothing-"

"I think it'd be best if you stopped there, _Nii-chan._" Finally opening my eyes, I bit back a snort as I saw Hosyu standing over me with his hands on his hips, a disapproving pull furrowing his brows. And beside him with his arms crossed over his chest was the one and only Hikaru Tottori. His baby face was strangely comforting somehow- like it was a reminder.

A reminder that I had a home, and he just so happened to live in that home.

"I'm embarrassed to call you my mentor, Hazumi."

"What would even compel you to ask her for help?"

Hikaru's face scrunched as he turned on my brother, mouth moving just as fast as Hosyu's. The two were talking about me as if I weren't even there. I didn't even have a chance to get a word in.

_**How endearing.**_

_Can it, Dei._

So there we were, in fake Karakura with the ruins all around us, and they were bickering like children. With a resigned sigh, I finally decided to sit up, doing so with a few winces on my part. Once I was successfully balanced, I rubbed the back of my head, frazzling my hair even more in the process. It had long since lost its grasp on the band, so it was stuck and unruly as ever.

"You look like shit, you know." This came from Tottori, and it was then that I remembered his smart mouth. Not having the energy to become angry, I only scoffed at the cheeky boy. I guess I felt pretty bad, too, but I wouldn't admit it to someone like him.

"What the hell happened to your side? Looks like you got pummeled by a bulldozer or somethin'."

Tottori was the one asking, but Hosyu's eyes were the ones that were narrowed dangerously at the discolored skin. My brother was silent for a long time, just staring at it with a cross expression. Tottori was the one who offered me a hand, and I grasped it as the boy pulled me up. For a fleeting second did I lose my footing, but I managed to compose myself before the boy even caught what was happening. I couldn't say the same for Hosyu, though. He was my brother, after all. He could read me just as I could read him.

Speaking of my brother, his green eyes suddenly turned sharp, and he glanced at Tottori for a mere fleeting moment. "Assess the damage, Tottori. Check the wounded; the dead come last. Do what need be."

"And you?"

But my brother didn't respond, only turned his striking emerald eyes back to me and gave me a long look. Noting that Hosyu wasn't going to answer anytime soon, Tottori muttered a curse before flashing away, leaving just us two there to stand in the quiet. Hosyu was still staring at me strangely, and finally he sighed, burying a hand in his mop of dark hair.

"You wanna tell me what happened back in Hueco Mundo?"

My black eyes met his, my expression suddenly bleak. "Not particularly."

"Hazumi…"

But I only shifted on my leg, feeling tired. I didn't meet Hosyu's eye again. He was just staring at me though. I knew he was displeased with my unkempt appearance, but I didn't know most of his displeasure came from the fact that he didn't know just what exactly went down in Hueco Mundo. Why were my clothes either shredded or coated in dried blood? Where had this giant… bruise- if he could even call it that- come from? Why did my skin have a pallid sheen to it, rather than my usually healthy and uncommon tan?

"I know it was something pretty bad, you know."

At this I couldn't help but feel the nasty twist to my lips as I grimaced, like I was tasting something bitter. A small breeze blew my hair over my shoulder, and I finally looked back at my elder brother. "Why do you say that?"

And here he merely offered a mirthless smile, looking older than I had last remembered.

"Kurosaki wouldn't say anything about it. He just gave me one of those long-suffering looks, and he looked pretty strained when I mentioned it."

"Since when did you get so good at reading people?" I scoffed at the tall man.

"Tch. It's not so hard to tell what Kurosaki's feeling. He's practically got it written on his face twenty-four seven."

"This is true…"

"He cares about you. A lot."

"I'm aware."

"I don't think you are."

This was getting slightly strange. Since when did Hosyu start talking to me about my love life? It was a strictly off limits zone- we were both aware of that. Narrowing my eyes at my emotional brother, "What's with you? You never talk about this stuff- in fact, you pointedly avoid it at any given chance. Why now, after about five hundred years, Hosyu?"

But he just gave me one of those silent knowing looks that had my blood starting to boil.

This was stupid.

He was stupid.

"Because this time it's real."

"I'm always real, you nimrod. Stop being so cryptic and just spit out whatever the hell it is you want to say. This has nothing to do with Ichigo, huh?"

"You've got Reizo's _Reiatsu_ with you, Hazumi."

That was it. That was why Hosyu was being so peculiar. It all circled back to Reizo, in the end. Somehow with us two it always did. And when Hosyu finally said Reizo's name after a few months, I felt a lump the size of an acorn tighten in my throat, and my eyes scrunched reflexively.

I felt like my late brother's name just wouldn't leave my throat this time around- like I just couldn't choke out the word. And when I stopped trying to form his name, another escaped my lips without my premeditated knowledge.

"B-Barry's gone, too, now. Why is it that… we're always the ones left?"

My words were met with a silence in which had very great weight. There was no comfort, the was no solace- there was just Hosyu standing before me, and I couldn't even look him in the _goddamn _eye. I couldn't even say our brother's name to him, yet he had the right to know just exactly what happened.

It was his brother, too, after all. Hosyu knew him longer than I had. He had the right.

_He has the right._

I found myself staring at one particular piece of rubble as my numb lips first started to move. "The stories are true. Hueco Mundo is a grotesque place…"

**-X-**

"Oi, Hazumi! Where's that brother of yours? I swear, you two sib…lings…"

My feet had lead me far away from where Hosyu stood. I wanted to get away. Instead, I found myself in the company of a very annoyed but somewhat now hesitant Hikaru. He was standing over a sizable and ragged white piece of fabric with a worn Kanji on the back.

I kept my eyes off the piece of clothing.

"I thought Hosyu told you to handle the living first."

I wasn't looking at him either. But from the feel of it, I could tell he was struck by the levelness of my voice.

No, not the levelness.

The dullness.

I'll give him credit though, he tried his best to collect himself. From the corner of my eye did I see him gesture helplessly with his arms and hands, "I am. I just saw this _Haori,_ and I was going to pick it up for Hitsu-"

"Leave it."

The young Shinigami furrowed his brows at me, frowning. "What?"

"I said leave it."

"But-"

My eyes met his. His lips stopped moving. It was that simple. His expression completely froze, and he just stood there stupidly and stared. His big blue eyes just stared and stared. Time ticked by and his eyes were still staring.

And finally I couldn't take it anymore.

I had enough of being looked at like I was the strange one. For some reason, all of the stares I had received today felt accusing, and what the hell was I guilty of besides trying to make things better? "What? What is it, Tottori? Wipe that pathetic look off your face and just spit it out," I snapped, black eyes suddenly aflame.

And his response wasn't some biting retort like I had expected from him. It wasn't some snappy little remark like I had always remembered. It was a low acknowledgment.

"Alright, _Senpai_."

And all I could stare at now was the number ten. The worn and well used number ten.

I couldn't bring myself to feel anything else.

I felt resigned.

"Hikaru." My softer tone startled the youth, for I saw his gaze snap back to me with some speed.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you arrive here with my brother?"

"Didn't you ask him?"

"I'm asking you."

He paused.

This caused me to look over at him with an expectant glint in my eye.

He complied. "Your Captain sent us here, Hazumi."

And I only continued to stare, absorbing this information like a torn sponge. Soaking it in slowly. Successfully tearing my eyes from Tottori, I stepped closer to the last piece of my late friend.

"Did he, now?"

"Yes."

My feet were at the edge of fabric. Crouching down, my outstretched hand grazed white. "I wonder why this is…"

Hikaru was silent for a moment.

"Was that question directed towards me?"

"Only if you know the answer, Tottori. Wouldn't that make sense?"

Rough fabric was now in my hands, my thumb running over it over and over again.

_Ten. _

"He didn't say."

Black eyes softening, a heavy sigh escaped my lips. Hikaru watched my back, furrowing his brows as my breathy sigh sounded strangle. And when I lifted my hand to my mouth to cough, his eyes widened. Because when my hand was in sight again, there was red that had not been there before.

"Hazumi…"

"I know."

"Shouldn't you heal yourself?"

"It's not something I can fix."

His silence was more troubling than his usually annoying barks.

But when the kid spoke again, his voice was uncharacteristically uneven. "What do you mean?"

My head dipped so I could only stare at the _Haori_ in my hands. The robe that was soaked with my friend's blood and sweat, from years accumulating over centuries. A ghost of a smile touched my lips, only so Hikaru could see from the corner of my mouth. "My favorite quote of all time- you know what it is, Tottori?"

Hikaru had stepped closer to my side, so much that I could hear him swallow thickly.

"No."

"'Shit happens.'" And despite the tenseness that had befallen on him, I heard the boy snort incredulously. But he didn't say anything after that. It was just him standing at my side, and me crouching on the ground with Barry's old _Haori_ clenched in my hands.

"Why can't you fix it, Hazumi?"

_Because… I brought it upon myself. _

"It's the catch to my otherwise pretty much Godly zanpakutou."

Again with the silence. But it was my turn to question him. "Where's Boggnamo now, Hikaru?"

But Tottori's voice wasn't the one that made itself to my ears.

"Hello, Hazumi."

**-X-**

I had to force myself to rise to my feet and meet Hilo Boggnamo's eyes.

Force of habit and a sense of respect compelled me to treat this old man with such delicacy, if that's what one would call it. The old guy stood there leaning on his steel cane with that big fluffy beard and his tiny brown eyes staring me down. However, unlike the last time that I had seen him, Boggnamo now had a small splotch blood on his usually pristine attire, and a few scratches on his arms. His wounds weren't serious- if you could even call them that.

Staring him in the eye, I raised my hand in a half-assed gesture which was supposed to somehow resemble a salute, but I doubt it made it even that far. I let my hand fall down to my side in which ached, eying the old man with an annoyed exasperation.

"Nice of you to join us, Boggnamo."

I did not have enough patience to add an honorific of any kind, and this did not escape my Captain's attention. With Hikaru by my side, the old man narrowed his tiny eyes into slits. "Do not get fresh with me, Hazumi Nagasaki."

And here I couldn't contain myself. Boggnamo had been my superior officer for a number of years, and I had always harbored a mixture of feelings towards him- respect, an odd sense of camaraderie, and resentment. The latter was finally making itself blatantly obvious as I stepped forward, voice now low in my throat.

"Do you think you're too good for war, _Captain_? Do you think you're too valuable to Soul Society to dirty your hands a little? Where the hell have you been! Just who do you think you are!"

_"YOUR CAPTAIN!" _was his unexpected roar.

Boggnamo had never raised his voice to me, had never shown barely any emotion to any of the Kido Corps, but here he was. Just showing up, as if he had the _right_. I couldn't hold it in. My charcoal eyes hardened, my fists clenched, and I gritted my teeth in order not to bite my tongue.

And just as I raised my hand to strike my Captain with an annoyance that had bloomed to rage, a pain in my chest had my arm jerking to a stop, my eyes widening, and a series of cough spilling from my lips. My hand started to shake, and I forced it down and the other to my mouth, breathing in with some difficulty.

I tasted iron again. And I saw the crimson on my hand. And that's when I knew that it was over. I was pretty much done. It was then that my eyes took on a vacated emptiness, and it was then that I knew that it was about time to throw in the towel. So with resignation lining my coal eyes did I take my first steps back- my first physical retreat.

And all Boggnamo would do was watch the whole time.

But Hikaru was different. He was raw with youth. I felt an arm curl around my back, and a hand on my shoulder, and I realized that the boy was assisting me. I didn't feel embarrassment nor anger, just this weird feeling of disappointment.

"It seems it is that time, then." And there was Boggnamo's worn voice again, normal.

Like nothing had ever happened.

Hearing the _clank_ of his cane against concrete, I felt Tottori's arm tighten around me.

"Take a walk, Hikaru Tottori."

But Tottori didn't move at Boggnamo's request. Well, demand really. It seemed he was adamant to stay by his mentor's side. Like it was his duty or some sappy crap like that. I found it somewhat amusing that the boy would disobey direct orders from a being that had centuries over him. Judging by Boggnamo's grave demeanor, though, I could sense that things would not end well if Tottori stayed as he was. So I nudged him with my elbow, and upon his eyes meeting mine did I nod my head in the opposite direction.

"Scat, kid."

Vaguely, I found it a bit funny that I was the one calling him kid, when he was probably almost a foot taller than me. He had grown quite a bit since I had last seen him. With blue eyes giving me a long-suffering look, I felt the grip on me relinquish, and the boy stepped back. I only proffered a mirthless quirk to my lips before he turned, and I watched his back all the way. The kid had changed in the months past. For the best, in my opinion.

"The runt is protective."

Cue my eyes back on Boggnamo. Making sure my face was as blank as possible, "He has a good mentor."

"Complimenting yourself, now? Aren't we a bit confident?"

Now who was the one getting fresh? I was unaware that Boggnamo had this sort of attitude. My poker face slipped a bit. "I think I have the right."

"You have no right." Boggnamo was only a few feet from me, standing tall. It was like he didn't even need that cane of his. And each time he spoke, I could feel my blood pressure rise just a bit. I just about had it with this geezer. But I could just feel the pain pulsating in my chest, waiting for me to just get angry again, and make itself known yet again.

Noting my struggle with a calm eye, I suddenly caught sight of something flying at me, and a small _clang_ signified a solid object landing at my feet. My eyes strayed to find my Captain's steel cane lying there on the ground. I didn't say anything, but Boggnamo sensed my apprehension.

"It looks like you could use one."

I scoffed, "I do not _need_ a _cane_!"

But my wobbling frame said otherwise. And Boggnamo knew this. So with a muttered curse did I bend down and grasp the cool steel, running my hands along it the whole way. Until it touched the ground, and I was leaning. I wouldn't admit that it felt good- not even to myself.

"Better?"

Begrudging silence was my only reply.

My Captain wouldn't step any closer.

He was eerily still, actually.

Narrowing my eyes, "What's with you?"

He only gave me a long look. "I need that cane about as much as you do."

Here I frowned, and I sighed. "Then why'd you give me the damn thing, you old man?"

Grimacing, I held it away from my body, about to toss it back at him, but he shook his head. "I will not take it back."

"What the hell?"

"I was given that cane by my Captain, the _Kidōshū Sōshi_ of my time. It has been passed down for centuries. Your former instructor, Tessai Tsukabishi, was once in possession of it, but never had the use for it. It is a precious _Kidōshū_ heirloom, Hazumi."

This had my eyes back on the silvery outline of this _precious_ walking stick, not really understand how this piece of metal was important. The only thing that would come to mind was the steel itself, and how valuable that would sell on the market. "So… this thing's important. Why are you giving it to me, Old Man?"

"You are a bit young… but I sense this is the right move."

Now he was becoming delirious with his old age, because I had no idea what the hell he was going on about. Raising my skeptical black eyes to meet his beady brown orbs, I just looked at him like he was retarded.

"Are you okay, Old Man? You're not dyin' on me now, right?"

And here something real weird happened. The old guy laughed. He outright laughed at me- and it wasn't just some mirth. It was a bark of hearty laughter escaping the old man's lips. I just stared.

Deadpan.

And when Boggnamo finally stopped, he leveled me with a look. "You still know how to make an old crab laugh."

He sobered instantly.

"Congratulations… Of late _Kidōshū Sōshi_, Hazumi Nagasaki."

Silence.

Deadbeat silence. Did I hear correctly? Because I only gave Boggnamo a blank look. I was frozen and unreached.

Until just a moment later.

"…"

"You look a bit shocked. Did you not expect this?"

My dubious silence, and then, "Not at all, you delirious geezer."

"My apologies."

And then it really set in. "Wait, wait, wait one minute. Just what are you saying! Not ten minutes ago were you yelling at me! I don't understand!"

This… just did not make any sense. What the hell? He was… promoting me? Really? This was beyond weird.

"You have changed, Hazumi. You emerged from Hueco Mundo a new woman. Stronger. You think rationally. You make good judgment calls. It is right."

"And how would you know this? You've been here for how much of this fight? Oh wait, that's right- you haven't been here at all!"

"I know enough. I will not accept your refusal. It is already set. I am old, understand this. I have not seen the front lines of war in ages. You have- you are fresh. You are both old and young enough to understand."

The more Boggnamo spoke, the more I just wanted to shove this piece of steel down his wrinkly throat. He was spouting absolute shit. He was only trying to escape responsibility. He was trying to escape the fight.

And then his next words contradicted my thoughts right then and there. "I will stay and fight the remainder of this conflict."

Remainder of this conflict?

"Tch, you're at the wrong venue, Old Man. The party's moved to Soul Society."

"I do not mean Sosuke Aizen, Hazumi."

And just as I was about to question the old guy, several disturbing _rips_ found their way to my ears. With the skin on my arms crawling, I slowly lifted my eyes to the scarred sky, identifying countless _tears_ in the artificial blue.

"Hazumi!"

The slits in the atmosphere above were expanding as my name was called, and out of nowhere did Tottori surface to my side. And not seconds later did Hosyu arrive from the blue. I met his eye warily, seeing that deep in those emerald orbs lay something I hadn't seen in a good long while.

I found Hosyu stepping closer towards me, until he had a comfortable grip on my arm. I questioned him with my eyes. His response was begrudging, "Kurosaki made sure that I am to keep you alive and unharmed from this point forth, or I shall 'regret the day I was born.'"

"So Ichigo had to tell you, huh."

I could see my brother was about to get all defensive until he caught the slight mocking note in my voice, and only then did he roll his eyes in good humor.

"So are you going to let us defend you, _Kidōshū Sōshi_?" It was Tottori's voice beside me.

I was quiet for a few minutes at this, letting my eyes rise to the sky and watch the seems split until the gash was fully open. Just as the first Hollow emerged did a determined _clang_ resound from beneath our feet. My steel cane came forward, and then my feet.

"Protect Karakura; it's merely convenient for you that I'm part of it."

Seeing as of now that I was the highest ranking officer that wasn't disabled in the area, it was only right that the ones still standing would follow my orders. And that's exactly what they did. First it was Hikaru gone, and then I felt Boggnamo somehow race right by me- so much for needing this cane- and finally, I felt Hosyu's grip on me relinquish.

"Don't do anything stupid, Hazumi."

And as I watched my brother draw his sword and flash away, I realized that I didn't need Hosyu to tell me that. There had been enough tragedies. Enough casualties. No one else would die- including me. And as I took another step forward, I felt a tad bit stronger. A bit better. It wasn't physical.

Kuria-Dei and I weren't doing anything. It was all mental. Because I knew something. I had someone waiting for me. I had someone who, after all this was over, would still be there. I had Ichigo Kurosaki waiting for me, and vice versa. I had something to go back to, and I would not let anything happen to me to jeopardize that happiness that was now in sight.

I could only hope that Ichigo was aware of the same.

**-X-**

_Dead men tell no lies._

_That's why I like_

_Being a _

_Shinigami._

_

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_**Review! **_  
_**Next Chapter:** _El Final.  
_


	45. Dream of a Soul Awake

_Llegamos a su fin._

_To come to an end._

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**A/N:** Well my lovelies, I regret to inform you that this is it. My brainchild has come to an end. Quoted, this is a bittersweet moment. I believe it's fitting that this is my longest chapter in the whole story, and hopefully it ties up pretty much everything. If it isn't worded, it's left for your interpretation. That's what's so great about reading.  
So, read!

_Thank you, every single reviewer, alerter, and favoriter than I've ever had. Everyone applies here. This story would not have been completed without your support, and it's all thanks to you. I'm just the vessel, you all are the true greatness of this story!_

**Animelover1993:** God, you've literally been here for the most of this fic. I'm serious, I could probably cry because you've been so supportive and great to me, regarding this story and just small talk. I can't thank you enough!

**Eklpit:** Seriously, I'm glad you weren't a ghost reviewer this time around! I've gotten the chance to talk to someone pretty fuckin' awesome, if I do say so myself. You're a great friend!

**LogicOfFire:** One of my most supportive, as well. I've enjoyed conversation with you, and your stories and quite something, as well. I can't wait until your back on with yours! Thank you so much for your words for FH!

**Shadow of a Broken Angel:** Ah! You've been here for pretty much the entire story as well. I can't thank you enough! It just makes me so happy that you've liked it thus far!

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**WeesnawMcGee: **We're getting married. 'Nuff said.

**Mute thoughts:** I love when you review my work. The things you say make total sense, and you've steered me towards a few things with your input! Thank you!

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**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Bleach, nor its character. Just the ones made up in this labyrinth called my mind._

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_**x Fractured Hesitation x**

_Bleach © Tite Kubo_

_Fractured Hesitation © Dia de Luz_

_**Cuarenta y cuatro:**_

_"Dream of a Soul Awake"_

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_Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand.

_-Anonymous._

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**( H O S Y U )**

Hazumi wasn't lookin' so good.

Even I could see she was tired to the bone, and she needed that cane about as much as I needed liqueur and Barry had needed cigarettes. Kurosaki had the right idea about her needin' some help, and it was just like that angsty teenager to threaten me if something happened to her. That carrot top needed a bit of discipline- who the hell was he tell to me that I needed to protect my own sister?

Nah, I couldn't think like that.

It was just these damn Hollows that were pissing me off; I wasn't angry at Carrot Top. I stopped myself from thinkin' that he should have just stayed here with Hazumi to ensure her safety himself, because then that wasn't right. I think we all knew that Kurosaki was the one who had to handle that prick Aizen.

But cuttin' through these Hollows seemed to be like a repetitive process. Where one would go down, ten more would surface it seemed. I mean, I wasn't havin' any qualms about slicing some of these things, but that Tottori kid over there wouldn't last a long time. He was a seated officer, right under Abarai I thought, but he was no Lieutenant. And then there was Hazumi's old man Boggnamo, who was fairin' off over there pretty nicely. For a geezer, he was sure flexible. Fast, too. It made me wonder just why the hell he had promoted Hazumi in the first place.

_Kido Corps Commander and Grand Kido Chief… my sister._

Well, I wasn't gonna question her ability. Right about now, I wasn't even gonna touch on that topic. Hearing that she had her side carved out by some Espada was enough for me. But that wasn't all I knew. Yeah, I went in the _Dangai _with Kurosaki and his pops, and Boggnamo was there waitin' for us with Tottori at his side. He sent us two back, but I heard a good chunk of their conversation as I left. Boggnamo wanted to know the status of his second, and it was up to Kurosaki to spill the details about just what exactly went down in Hueco Mundo. By the time Kurosaki said something about her throat being cut, I had heard enough so I just scat with Tottori behind me.

It fell to Hazumi to tell me about some Espada having Reizo's power and his complete signature, and Hazumi was the one who told me that that Espada was the one who carved her side clean of any flesh. That's what that bruise was. And that Arrancar whom she had brought back with her- Itu, or somethin' like that- saved her. So she saved the Arrancar, too.

Wasn't that just a dandy little circle of payback?

I didn't think so.

Because if it was, Hazumi wouldn't have been on the ground as I cut through Hollows, pressing all of her weight against that walking stick. She would have been beside me, and we'd be having some contest to see who could kill the most Hollows. My sister wouldn't have looked so tired and weak and totally beaten, but she would have probably been trying to hit me with that cane while killing these stupid evil souls.

But no, it wasn't like that. So understand that every so often I couldn't help but look to the ground and check on her, just to make sure that she was okay. I felt stupid because I knew that Hazumi could take care of herself, but I now had doubts because of her time in Hueco Mundo. Her side bothered me most of all. Every time I looked at her, my eyes would find that discoloration first, and then her eyes.

Hazumi was never one to care about her looks- as her brother I could say she was pretty damn good looking without having to care. Her hair was long and blonde, her eyes were big and black, we shared the same tanned complexion, and she was fit. And even there standing on the ground was there something admirable about her. Her long hair was now loose and wavy, her dark eyes reflected a stubborn edge. Those black stretch pants were stained with blood- I could see it from even up here- and her top… I wanted that dark purple gone.

But I wasn't a healer.

I was in the Covert Ops, and I would kill just like I had learned back in Soul Society. I'd keep my sister safe. Kurosaki didn't have to tell me that. If Hazumi could go to Hueco Mundo and come back in one piece, then I could at least protect what was left of fake Karakura and the Shinigami that were in it.

_Barry's not left…_

I couldn't let that affect me now. It wasn't my time to grieve- it wasn't my time. I had to keep telling myself that, because the Hollows wouldn't stop coming. If I stopped, then Hazumi would have to get her ass in gear, and I didn't think that was possible now. It would have been easier for Kurosaki to have stayed here. I bet he would have, if someone else could have taken care of Aizen.

True, he wasn't the type to let others take care of something so big alone, but if it were a choice between Aizen's demise and Hazumi's safety… I'd fear for Soul Society on that point. Though… he did leave Hazumi here.

_I can't think about this shit now. I'm actually startin' to care about Hazumi's relationship with him, and he might not even make it back this time around-_

There was a dangerous shift in the air.

The energy levels spiked tremendously, and I only had about a split second to turn my head to see exactly what it was. The only thing I caught sight of was a grotesque, mammoth claw not two inches away from my face-

A sickening crunch resounded throughout the space, and my wide green eyes watched the mutilation disintegrate. The howling wanted to pierce my eardrums. Then there was only black ash.

But the extraordinary trace of _reiatsu_ was still there.

"What the _HELL_ are you doing, you dumb ogre!"

Hovering in the air, now only yards above the remnants of concrete of faux Karakura's streets, I slowly brought my eyes to meet incredulous and infuriated black orbs. I didn't have time to dodge as Hazumi took out my legs in a swift cleave with that damned cane of hers, bringing me down level with her. Now she was the one looking down at me with a sharp pull to her brows. "Don't tell me you're suicidal now!"

That was when I reacted. "What the hell, Hazumi-"

"Don't you 'what the hell,' me! You were about to get your face cut off!"

_That claw…_

That colossal energy was still around us, and I wouldn't stop looking for it. It was just chillin' in the air, even after the Hollow was blasted-

I blanched as my brain clicked. Bringing my eyes back to Hazumi- she was still yelling?- I interrupted her with one phrase.

"It's you."

She had her mouth open as if she wasn't done shouting, but my words made her stop short and furrow her brows even tighter. With her hands resting atop of that cane, Hazumi leaned forward and looked me square in the eye.

"Well yes, brother. I'm glad to see your sense of identification wasn't lost when you hit your head."

Blinking, I should have seen this coming from a mile away, but shock was still lining my thoughts, "I didn't hit my head, Hazumi…"

And next thing I know a dull _thwack_ signified her cane striking my skull, and I was face down on the ground.

* * *

**( H A Z U M I )**

Hosyu was the biggest dumbass that I had the grace of ever meeting.

He was so stupid that I just couldn't help but hit him. Seriously, it was like speaking with a toddler. With one straying thought, I wondered if the day would ever come where Kurotsuchi would finally create a vaccine against stupidity.

I didn't feel any remorse as he lifted his head with a groan and started sputtering curses and damning me to hell as if it were a daily ritual. It probably was, actually.

"Get up, you useless moron. I won't save your sorry ass next time."

"God dammit, Hazumi!"

"Shut the hell up."

"No, I will not shut the hell up! You fucking hit me! I'm bleeding!"

By now my very stupid brother was standing with a hand to his head, green eyes narrowed dangerously in my general direction. I only shrugged nonchalantly, placing my hands on the steel cane. Bringing my eyes up to the sky, I watched the invasion of darkness spread.

"I believe things are escalating."

"Where the _fuck_ did that come from?"

I gave Hosyu a level look, ready to respond in a brisk manner. Explaining my zanpakutou wasn't a very fun topic for me, because I barely understood the shit myself. And why should any Shinigami have to reveal their own secrets? I thought it morally wrong. So I only said, "I have talent, retard."

"That was not talent. That was damn close to a miracle. How the _hell _did you just use that gargantuan attack, when you can't even stand without a_ fucking_ cane!" His words made my lips curve deeply, and finally I cast a meaningful look to my right.

It took Hosyu a moment to catch on, and with tightened eyes did he follow my gaze to see Kuria-Dei imbedded in the concrete beside me. Her thin blade was easy to push into the ground, but that wasn't what Hosyu was probably questioning. He was most likely questioning just what was happening.

Because where Kuria-Dei's tip met concrete, there was an assortment of veins running on the surface of the broken cement, glowing with an indescribable spiritual presence. Absorbing and taking, then a little give. In a way, it looked a bit grotesque, as if the lines of spiritual energy were veins pumping blood.

"Hazumi…"

_"Meet Obsequio Hermoso, my final Bankai."_** (1)**

It felt weird saying it aloud. I didn't even think- the name just rolled off my tongue like I had been acquainted with it for years.

"Y-You…" Hosyu didn't know what to say, but that was okay. I knew what he was feeling, thanks to my trusty _Bankai_ over there. I was very aware of emotions at this point.

Oh, marvelous.

"This is what you did… to Kurosaki…"

"Uh huh."

"Those… things…"

"The lines of spiritual energy gave his heart a little squeeze, yeah."

"So… why…" It was almost comical to see Hosyu so confused. Basically, _Obsequio Hermoso _was my true _Bankai._ From the masculinity of the name, he was a he, yes. It confused me as to why he had just made himself known to me, when I had to train to achieve _Bachi no Seken_ for years. I did not question it, because his arrival gave me the ability to aid Ichigo one last time in this fight, and it saved my brother's life. My zanpakutou appeared the same- the same physical attributes as Kuria-Dei.

But the veins running along the broken cement of Karakura were the differentiating factor of my _Shikai _and_ Bankai. _

_Obsequio Hermoso _could suck someone dry of their energy, or he could give as much as he wanted. When I had stabbed Kurosaki with my blade, the tendrils of _Obsequio Hermoso _wrapped around his heart and started to give my energy to him.

My life energy, because I had no other to spare.

And because of the ability that my _Bankai_ had- taking energy as well- was I able to save Hosyu with a pretty formidable Kido spell. Although… I felt a wee bit guilty that I had to take that energy from an unfortunate Shinigami nearby. Which one, I did not know. They were probably unconscious now, but they weren't dead.

I would have sensed if they were dead.

"You can't fight."

"I know."

That would require taking more energy, and about every Shinigami here barely had enough to survive. Looking at Hosyu, it resembled as if he had a plan dwelling in those deep green eyes of his.

I voiced my suspicion, earning a startled look from my older brother.

"What makes you think that I have a plan, Hazumi?"

"Yours eyes glinted with self-indulgence, you probably called yourself a genius; the lines of your face slanted a bit as your eyes then narrowed, and you tightened your lips unconsciously. Your hand twitched twice- you always twitch when you're bothered. So your plan must either suck, it isn't doable, or there's a catch."

I watched my brother blink a few times, bring his hand to the back of his neck, and just stare at me like I was some alien.

"Did you really just… notice all of that in the time frame of a few seconds?"

Deadpan. "No. I read the signature of your emotions."

"You're an ass, Hazumi."

But I only chuckled at his relieved expression. Having a super genius as a sister didn't sit well with Hosyu, it looked like. But as the howls of the Hollow reached my ears, I sobered instantly.

"What's the plan, brother?"

This time I really did catch Hosyu tighten his lips, "I don't have one."

"Liar," I quipped.

"Then you were right, Hazumi. It sucks, and it isn't doable." He pointedly left out my third check.

"There's a catch."

Hosyu didn't say anything, only looked back up to the sky. I followed his eyes just to see Tottori get pummeled into the side of a building, and Boggnamo save his scrawny ass.

"That plan sounds pretty good now, Hosyu."

"There is no plan."

"Bullshit! Spit it out, you pansy! You're just wasting time!"

Hosyu was no Barry, but he was pretty strategic. I didn't doubt for a minute that he was lying. I knew he wanted to do something, and that's why he did open his mouth and say something that did suck, that it was almost not doable, and it totally had a catch.

"Do you have enough energy to create a barrier… strong enough to enclose all of Karakura," I was just about to interrupt by saying that we had just gone over this, when Hosyu's voice had my face visibly paling, "and to withstand one of Boggnamo's destructive spells?"

**-X-**

"That is the most ludicrous idea, you know. Let me recap, just to make you feel like more of an idiot. You were saying you wanted me to create a barrier strong enough to not only enclose _all_ of Karakura, but to withstand one of _my former Captain's _most formidable attacks, and in doing so I'll be protecting Karakura, while Boggnamo is on the outside destroying all of the Hollow in one sweep?"

I said this all in one breath, all the while giving Hosyu the most incredulous stare ever. The disbelief just oozed from my slightly annoyed voice. "Did you eat paint chips as a kid, Hosyu!"

"I told you it wasn't much of a plan, Hazumi!"

I was about to yell at him yet again and probably curse the living daylights out of my brother when a gravelly voice cut me off.

"This is a good plan as of now, Hazumi." It came from behind me.

I unconsciously stiffened, slowly turning to meet Boggnamo's old eyes. There was my former Captain with Tottori not too far off, still fending off the infinite number of Hollows.

"You're agreeing with this, Old Man?"

There we were in the crumbled town with probably thousands of Hollows swarming just yards away, debating on a plan that would no doubt fail. With all of the fallen Shinigami strewn across this broken town, we were just standing there.

"Yes, Hazumi, I do."

"It's unrealistic!" Could they not see that I was ready to fall back onto the ground and just let myself cough up a lung? The pain in my chest was biting and unreal, and I wanted to succumb to it.

"We cannot conjure up a barrier to enfold Karakura in defense- we will run short of energy too quickly. I see logic in the Warden's plan."

It took me a minute to remember that Hosyu was the warden of the Nest of Maggots, and that was his official title. Weird.

And suddenly the old man cut me off when I hadn't even known that I'd opened my mouth, reading me like a favorite book. "I will provide you the energy necessary for the completion of your Kido incantations."

And the next words that I heard had my eyes widening and my heart giving a hard thump in my chest, causing my eyes to water. I blamed it on the pain in my chest, and not at all regarding my emotional reaction.

"I am at your disposal, Hazumi-sama."

_Ito…_

She was standing level with Boggnamo, but kept her distance with yards between. The small Arrancar who I had thought was dead was staring at me with those brilliant blue eyes that I had developed a fondness for. Her silk hair was perfect, her porcelain skin pale. But the blood ruined her image. It took me a few tries to actually say her name, because from her unknown status I had deduced her death.

"I-Ito…"

And my feet were moving closer to her, the decisive _clinks_ of steel resounding against rock. Until I was right there in front of her, staring at the willowy girl with liquid-ink eyes. Maybe because it was from all of the death, or maybe I had just lost my mind. For whatever reasons, I willingly threw my arms around the child, crushing her to me in a motherly embrace.

If she was uncomfortable, she didn't express it in any way. Instead, I felt the small tentativeness of glass hands at my back, silent. I sniffed- unable to hold it in, to my chagrin.

"I thought you were dead, kid."

But Ito didn't respond, and I felt that I was embarrassing the girl. I moved to pull away, but her hands would not unlatch. The small girl simply held onto me. And then her harmonious voice.

"I am… happy… to see you are alive."

And then her hands were at her sides. I swallowed thickly as I stepped back, making my cane find solid ground once again.

Because of Ito's sudden arrival, something was vulnerable and changing inside my mind. I wasn't even fazed when I wiped thick liquid from the corner of my lips, or when my hand started to shake again. Instead of concerning myself with my damn ailments, I turned to Boggnamo and Hosyu, letting Ito come to my side.

With my look came two nods of acceptance- the flimsy plan would have to suffice. But my words were the element unexpected, "I will be the one to perform the **Hadō** spell from the outside."

And there were no arguments.

Instead, I received another nod from my former Captain. Hosyu did not react. He simply stared at me, like he was trying to puzzle together just what was going through my mind. But he wouldn't ever understand my logic.

Simply because there was none.

_**Don't make a liar out of yourself, Hazumi.**_

Kuria-Dei's voice was the one that touched my ears, but _Obsequio Hermoso_ was still released, and was currently stealing fresh _reiryoku_ from both Boggnamo and Ito. Just enough to give me the strength to complete this last spell.

_I hope I won't, Dei._

Because as I had stated before- I was no Martyr.

Minutes passed as I watched Hosyu take off to fight Hollows in hopes to buy time; he had appeared at Tottori's side for aid. Boggnamo and Ito were with me, sparing the energy they could. I had watched as the old man erected a solid barrier, watched it stretch for miles on end, until it was time. In a quick flash did Hosyu grab Hikaru's arm and drag him inside a small slit before the barrier completely.

And only then were we all looking up at the estranged Hollows outside.

I found it quite peculiar that Boggnamo had designed a barrier to repel them at least until he had room to enclose all of Karakura, and it had worked out so perfectly, too. But I knew of his talents, so I didn't say a word. Instead, I sheathed my zanpakutou and moistened my lips, discarding that blasted cane. But a voice in the back of my head told me that I'd be seeing it in my very near foreseeable future.

I ignored it.

"What spell are you using, Hazumi?"

Looking back at Hosyu, I watched him study me. Boggnamo had taken to sitting down- he was a little worse for ware- and Ito was down as well. She was lying on her back, staring at the flimsy yet solid wall of energy between us and them. Between life and death. Our lives and our deaths. Because this was our last card, I deduced. We wouldn't be doing something as stupid as this if we didn't have anything else.

I spoke to Hosyu, but I did not face him. I took a step forward, looking up.

"Remember that Kido Cannon?"

Silence.

I took another step forward before I took off completely, not giving Hosyu a chance to say something stupid.

The Kido Cannon- high intensity energy weapon that is not reusable, and takes hundreds of Shinigami to man because its power is so fuckin' great. It can destroy dimensions and damage both Soul Society and the Human World simultaneously. It's some serious shit. And I was going to use an attack that painfully resembled the effects of the Kido Cannon- just on a smaller scale.

The spell I had in mind was unnamed and off the charts, but if taught properly, you were told to never use it. Actually, there's really no point in teaching it, because people really don't want you to use it. But I had one hell of a teacher- Tessai Tsukabishi. And he thought I needed to know it, so he taught me, thank God.

Here- this was where I cut off my thoughts completely.

I was at the edge of the barrier. Just a small wall between me and the Hollows. I was crazy for doing this.

But I did.

I slapped my hand against the wall of spiritual energy and dug my fingers into the side. In doing so, I got a good grip on the dimensions of the barrier. And that's when I pulled my arm back, successfully opening up said barrier and dashing through. Using _shunpo_ was something I did not want to do, because I was already on borrowed energy.

I did it anyway.

I didn't want to look back and see the Hollows chasing me.

I did it anyway.

And that was when I said my prayers- just in case.

"Well… it's been a hell of a run."

Only seconds later did the atmosphere all around me explode in a torrent of scalding fires.

**-X-**

It was a long time after that I could call myself okay.

In the horde of explosions, I found myself, in all the places I could have been, I thanked God that I had found myself on the edge of everything. What I couldn't do one damn thing about was my sudden incapacitation, so I had taken to falling. Falling through the barrier in which had diminished at that point- along with the majority of the Hollows- and waiting to come in contact with the hard ground.

I never did get to experience _that_ joy, though, because Hosyu had found me and made a nice mid-air catch before it could ever happen. At the time I couldn't find anything wrong with me because I was feeling quite shell-shocked from the explosions happening all around me. The experience was deafening, quite terrifying, and had me scared out of my mind because I simply did not want to die.

I still had no logic in regards to why I had chosen to go on the outside instead of the old man, and I couldn't find the logic in my companions even letting me go out there.

So the next hours went by in one big monochrome blur in which I didn't detect anything except the sky above my eyes. Voices reached me, I answered vaguely, and I stared at the sky. I tasted iron, I felt generalized pain in my torso, and my fingers were numb.

My eyes shut and did not open for a long time.

* * *

Barry once told me that I was not entitled to a tomorrow.

That here, I had to work for my tomorrow. She said to me, 'There are no guarantees, there is no security. You should be very afraid. If you live to see tomorrow you should go straight home and kiss your Mother. If you don't have one, then treat your dear ones like they are invaluable, because they are.'

And I always told her, 'Okay.'

Now…

Now I would say something different. I would not say okay.

Because staring down at her tombstone was not okay. Her being six feet under before me was not okay- it was nowhere close. And it was doubly not okay for Mon to be right beside her, at the very end.

At the very end, she had died with the epitome of her admiration, and they had left me in twos.

Who the hell did that to their friends?

Barry did, that was who. It was so Barry. And her tombstone was so Barry, too. It didn't have any nice words on it.

All it said was, '_Barry Nguyen. Friend, Sister, Daughter, Mother.'_

_No one could ever understand her reasoning for blowing up the ward that night. But I knew. They stole from her, those men. She wanted revenge, that's all. And she got it._

After all, what mother should have to bury her own child?_  
_

And Mon's was classic, too._ 'Beloved friend, daughter, sister.'_

And that was all. At least hers said beloved.

Hosyu must have made them.

The wind blew right by me, but it felt like it blew through me. I felt like my bones were visible and my heart was right there, able for anyone to squeeze and crush and manipulate. I should have felt like that my whole life, because that's what people did to me.

Only now was I feeling it all. After everything, I was standing here at Barry's grave feeling everything. I felt the bite of the wind, but the weather was vague.

Wasn't funeral weather supposed to be rainy?

I didn't even know what to call the weather. It wasn't sunny or rainy. It was just there. Like I was just there in front of these two tombstones that didn't mean a thing to anybody.

They were invisible to Soul Society- and that was Soul Society being merciful. But I was like these two dead people, in a way. I was invisible right now.

I counted the days- it had been twenty-six days.

Twenty-six days is a long time.

"Captain…"

Twenty-six days is a long time to stay away.

"Captain, it's time to go."

Twenty-six days is a long time to be asleep.

"I'm coming."

_Goodbye, Barry._

**-X-**_  
_

Soul Society wasn't in shambles like one would expect after a war.

It wasn't some post-apocalyptic creepshow like movies like to portray. It was probably the same, actually. Just a few _reiatsu_ disturbances outside the outskirts of the Rukon districts and a few crumbled buildings and you've got yourself a Soul Society that had survived yet another war.

Aizen was dead. Or whatever. That was what I kept hearing, yet it was very difficult to believe. I believed it, though. I didn't hear about Ichimaru until later- something about his betraying Aizen or something- and I didn't hear if he was dead or alive, but I didn't care as long as Aizen was gone.

The only Espada I could think of that was still living were Yammy Riyalgo and Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, and I didn't know at this point. I discarded the very thought of them, actually. But there was one Arrancar that I didn't want to forget. I had asked Hosyu about her, and he said in a very discreet way that she was more or less residing in Barry's warehouse. Off the radar. Urahara's name had somehow made its way into that conversation, as well.

I found that very fitting, somehow.

Ito deserved it.

Hilo Boggnamo had been in intensive care post our final strike, and he emerged just days before I had. He had prepared the militants of the Kido Corps for their new commander, and there I was with my shiny new job.

I was standing before a lot of people in the central barracks for the Kido Corps, looking at them all and debating whether to say something important or not. The atmosphere wasn't really tense; I just felt weird standing in front of so many people who were waiting for me to say something cool.

Dead silence.

I finally thought of something to say.

"Speeches are dumb. 'People will forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.'"

And I stepped off my little soapbox for the evening, staring back at the faces of hundreds of Shinigami. Confusion swept over the crowd- I could vaguely sense it. They had been expecting a big speech- Boggnamo had given a long speech.

But then, there was clapping amongst the silent crowd.

Just one set of hands- followed by more.

Then more. Then, I guess it was the whole room clapping, and some guys in the front even whooped and hollered. I cracked a smile as the whole room started to buzz with noise, laughter and whistles and smiles. This was a new era in the history of the Kido Corps, and I knew right away that this would go down in the books.

But I didn't care- I only cared that everyone wasn't so stoic and formal now.

"Captain…"

Blinking my black eyes, I inclined my head a fraction to see my Lieutenant coming up to stand by my side.

Baby blue stared down at me.

I snorted a laugh, "So _now_ you've decided to address me formally, Tottori. Hell, that's great."

A few seconds passed, and finally the cheeky boy scoffed, crossing his arms and pinching that cute face of his. "I was just going to ask if you were alright."

I waited to answer as I felt people filtering out of the room to presumably break out the alcohol. People passed by, whispering or just outright talking. Two women walked right by me, trying to keep their voices low. "I heard emotions were the Commander's specialty, with her zanpakutou and all…"

"Her speech was fitting, then."

My lips quirked infinitesimally.

Hikaru noted this, but I didn't see the way his eyes softened.

The day I had woken up from my extended sleep, Boggnamo had informed me of all of my duties that I was to preform as the new Grand Kido Chief. One of those responsibilities was to find a new second, in time of course. But, like the efficient girl I was, I went straight to the boy who I knew would not turn me down.

Hikaru Tottori was efficient in his work, strict enough to handle himself, and he could hold his own against others.

_No thanks to me, he says. _

_I think that's total shit._

"Hazumi?"

"Hmm?" I was watching everyone have a good time, post-war. Celebrating the war's end, and the beginning of another Commander.

"What are you going to do now?"

I didn't answer Tottori for awhile.

I just watched.

"Are you asking me if I'll still fight if it comes to it, Hikaru? Because I will."

"You use a cane."

"Are you being fresh?" It was my new favorite quote.

"Tch. No… But… ahh, what about your lungs?"

I turned my eyes back to Hikaru, who was staring at me with a frown. The boy looked genuinely concerned, and I guess he had the right. He _was_ my new second, and I _did_ fall into… I guess a coma for a day short of three weeks. And I _was_ still his mentor- I had a lot to teach him.

Sighing, "The final diagnosis is permanent scarring to the tissue of the lungs and liver."

"Well that's problematic."

"I'm not some frail old-timer, Tottori. You better remember that."

"But how will this affect things?"

Sighing, I brought a hand to the back of my head. He sure was being picky tonight. But I guess he had to, since we'd be spending more time together now. I almost snorted at that thought.

"It means I won't be the one who's gonna be teachin' you to wield a sword anytime soon. Ask Hosyu for help with your _shunpo_ and _hakuda _skills."

I started to turn, finding my feet carrying me away from the commotion. The _clink_ of my steel cane resounded from beneath my feet, and I already found myself getting used to the sound.

"Oh, and Tottori?" I had stopped at the door, calling back to Hikaru over my shoulder. Upon seeing his big blue eyes on me, I felt my lips curl into a nice grin.

"Make sure to find yourself a nice third seat, alright?"

And I was out the door before he could even question me. Because really… we did need an efficient third.

Who else would take care of all the work when Tottori and I were off in the Human World?

* * *

Stepping through the gate brought a crisp gust of air that had the nerve to slam right into my face, causing me to scrunch my black eyes in distaste. Sputtering unintelligible nonsense, I listened as the portal closed behind me and I was once again in the boisterous Human World.

My feet were moving even before I knew it.

And as I walked, I let my mind wander. I realized that no one could tell me what to do any longer, what with my position in Seireitei's military now. I was at the top. That was pretty cool. No one could get on me for 'insubordination' anymore.

During the conflict in fake Karakura, Mon had mentioned something about my insubordination to me, but I had discarded it without a second thought. But when I had woken up, Boggnamo had mentioned it.

He told me, _'Because of recent events, I will over look your unprofessional insubordination weeks ago. You were to not go to Hueco Mundo, and you did. You could have been killed. However, there are more important matters at hand.'_ And then he was off on his little rant about how I should set an example, blah blah blah, be good to my subordinates, blah blah blah, etc etc.

Our chat was real productive.

But I had already done one thing that no other Corps Commander had done before- I had assembled the Kido Corps' militia. If there were to be another war anytime soon, Soul Society would have the last part of their military in combat, not just on the sidelines and recovery.

_A very familiar and striking reiatsu chose to pound my skull in that next second. _

It had my feet stopping in their tracks, and very slowly did I lift my head to get an eyeful of Karakura High. Squinting as the sunlight hit my eyes, I wriggled my nose and craned my neck to look up at the tall building.

Last time I had been here, I didn't even go into the building.

_Hah._

I chose to put on my _Gigai _just before I had exited the _Dangai_, so there I was. Standing in Karakura's uniform outside of the school. Three weeks was a long time to disappear. I felt a trickle of anticipation run up my spine, and with a heavy sigh, my foot went forward, followed by another.

Just as the bell rang.

_Three weeks is a long time to be asleep, Hazumi._

I was still as I watched kids pour from the doors of the now noisy high school, my eyes in search for one particular mop of orange hair. I stood there for a long time, leaning on my right side casually with my silvery cane. But as the minutes ticked by, I saw no orange hair. I saw no trademark scowl that I had become accustomed to.

Ichigo was not there.

That fact had my lips slipping to a frown, and my black eyes blinked a few times. I had felt his _reiatsu_, but I as I realized that he wasn't really there… I chalked it up to being tired.

So with a heavy heart- really, Hazumi?- did I turn, picking up my cane and walking off.

**-X-**

The park was nice at sundown.

It _was_ nice, sitting there and watching the sun dip into the solid horizon. I had the perfect view. I had sat there for a long while, watching each color fade into nothingness. It was almost dark, but there I sat. It was windy and a bit cold, but nothing compared to my sudden exhaustion.

I was tired.

Heaving a breath, I dropped my head so I was staring at the ground, leaning forward so my hands were still on my valuable walking stick. The grass was slick with water- it had rained recently.

I closed my eyes for a long couple of minutes, letting my mind go blank. But that didn't last for long. My thoughts always went back to that mop of orange hair. His tawny eyes were staring back at me even through my closed lids.

This was ridiculous, but I wasn't fighting it anymore. I wanted to see the kid so bad that it almost physically hurt. I knew it was all mental, though. So there I sat, trying to gather myself enough to decide whether to get to Urahara's or Ichigo's. I hadn't capped my _reiatsu_, so it was flowing freely throughout Karakura.

I was perfectly traceable if need be.

I didn't expect Ichigo to catch on right away, because he always sucked at that kind of thing, but I thought at the very least he would notice. But there was still no sign of the boy. So there were only two conclusions that I could truly come up with. Either Ichigo was _really_ _that_ dense and truly couldn't sense me, or he _really_ did not want to see me.

That left me to decide my destination.

Furrowing my brows, I was about to just toss my cane aside and probably go kick that tree over there when I heard it.

_My name? _

Blinking, my black eyes scanned the park, watching the last rays of sunshine leave. Almost dark. That was kind of creepy. But then I heard it, this time coming more clearly.

"Hazumi?"

And my cheeks unconsciously flushed as I finally identified the voice. Not seconds later did the boy come into my line of sight, and I almost jumped him then and there.

Ichigo stood there clad in casual jeans and a white t-shirt with his hands in his pockets, blinking at me as if I weren't really there. It was then that I realized just how much I had missed him. His tawny eyes were staring at me, not giving away too much expression except mild surprise, and his face was shadowed in the sunset.

I had to force myself to say something.

"Hey," came my soft response.

The boy was quiet for a few moments before stepping closer to my bench.

"Is that really you?"

I couldn't help but let my lips quirk just a bit at his ridiculous question, fighting back a dry remark.

I didn't win that battle. "Well I don't know, Ichigo. Who else would it be?"

Silence. Yeah, he was still an idiot. Even though it was almost a month-

"You're here."

I had to blink at the proximity. When had he approached me so? Narrowing my black eyes, "Well of course I am, nimrod. Where else would I be?"

But he didn't answer like I had expected of him. He was just standing in front of me, and I had to squint because of the sun. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I stood, getting a good look at his eyes at last.

They were liquid bronze.

I didn't have time to identify the exact look on his face, because Ichigo then chose that moment to wrap his fingers around my forearms and pull me forward with a small tug. That was all it took- a small tug. I was still falling forward and into his chest as his cheek grazed mine, his skin barely skimming my flesh. His warm breath was a small murmur in my ear, but I heard it.

It had my heart wrenching painfully, too.

"They didn't know when you would wake up."

I would have said something, anything to get rid of that pain in his voice, but Ichigo was ahead of me. Before any words of solace could even form in my mind, I felt the boy's skin brush mine again, and then his lips were on my neck.

Words died on my lips, replaced by a sharp intake of breath as he placed a trail of small, seemingly gentle kisses down my neck. And when he reached my collarbone, it was all I could do to keep my knees from giving.

When the boy brought his gaze back to mine, I just stared at endless bronze. It was difficult not to, with the way so many emotions flickered right on by. But the last one ended with his lips on mine, and his arms curled tightly around me.

With a warm sensation flourishing from the tips of my fingers down to the bottom of my stomach, I pressed myself against him and tangled my hands in that mop of orange hair of his. It was until I had started to feel lightheaded that I had to pull away, my lips hovering just over his. But as soon as we separated, the boy placed a multitude of kisses across my jawline, and before I knew it my lips were moving against his yet again.

I had missed Ichigo, more than I knew.

It was like a hole had carved its way into the center of my life. It was an odd feeling- I had never needed someone like I needed this. I was surprised to even admit to myself that I needed him.

But I did.

And finally he pulled away, winded just as I was. His deep breaths were refreshing; I found myself in a trance, synchronized with his breathing. I didn't even realize. With a whispering laugh, I let my head fall onto Ichigo's chest, enjoying the feeling of his hand against the back of my head.

His fingers were weaving their way through my mess of blonde hair.

It was awhile before I broke our harmonized silence. "I thought you were avoiding me, when I first came to town."

I felt his hand pause for a second before burying itself in my hair again.

"I was with Urahara-san."

Something about his voice- besides how thick it was, that is- had my mind backing up and pausing at that statement. "Yeah? What for?"

But he was silent for those next few moments. When I didn't hear a response, I slowly lifted my head to try to meet his eye. He was looking off to the trees. "Ichigo?"

And here he only frowned, finally bringing his gaze back to me.

His eyes were weighted. "I was with Urahara… because I was convinced that I was to go to Soul Society… and see just what the hell had happened to you."

This had me quiet for a minute.

"You… didn't know?"

Here he scowled, "I was only told what I needed to know."

"And what was that?"

"You had overexerted yourself, _again_. You fell into a _fucking _coma, because you couldn't sit still for five minutes."

"I'll have you know I laid there on the ground for about thirty minutes, thanks."

Excuse my tone if it was a bit indignant, but it seemed Ichigo would never learn.

Sighing as I saw his lips curve downwards, I brought my hand to his cheek, directing his eyes to me. "I feel like I've repeated myself about a thousand times with you, you know. So I'm just not going to say it to you anymore."

The boy couldn't help but raise his brows, "Oh, really?"

I nodded decisively. "Yes, really."

"Huh."

Frowning, "What?"

And I could have sworn that I saw his mouth curve, almost unnoticeable. "Nothing, it's just… I thought the day would never come."

"Oh shut up."

And he actually laughed. There were only a handful of times that I had been witness to such a sight, but I'd never get used to it. I found that I quite liked it, and Ichigo needed to do it more often.

Dusk was still upon us- the sun wasn't quite done setting yet- but it was getting there. Eventually I did loosen my grasp on the boy, and he did with a bit of a begrudging stare in my general direction. Going for my cane, I noticed Ichigo was staring at it a bit strangely. I commented on his weird look, and it turn he only blinked.

"You really… have to use a _cane_?"

Oh boy. I could tell where this was going fast.

And apparently he could, too, because he voiced his next opinion. "You really are a grandma!"

"OI! I don't see you complaining!"

Blinking at me, I could see Ichigo was mildly surprised that I would say such a thing. I merely offered a challenging curl to the lips, an overall smug demeanor setting it. It seemed that I had finally beaten the boy in verbal warfare.

And recognizing his defeat, my sub Shinigami quirked his lips. "Old Hag."

And I offered a full-toothed grin in return, taking his now outstretched hand. In a swift movement, the boy had hauled me onto his back, making it very convenient for me to travel. His arms wrapped around my legs, securing me in his grasp. Still having that warm grin coating my lips, I leaned down to murmur in his ear, just so he could hear me.

_"Idiot."_

_

* * *

_

_**FIN**  
_

_

* * *

_

**(1) Beautiful Gift.**

God, I pretty much just love you all.**  
**

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